06/27/2006 Entry: "I hate airplanes."

Monday Night: I'm in the airport as I write this -- but not as I post this; then, I'll be home. After a long flight on Sunday morning that indeed felt less death-threatening thanks to the new iPod mentioned in the previous entry, I had my very first experience renting a car. A big ol' red Equinox from Hertz, which marks not just the first time I've ever rented a car, but the first time I ever drove an SUV, and the first time I ever drove in Los Angeles. So, a first time Cali driver in a completely alien SUV: I'm lucky I didn't leave a death count on the West Coast.

Work put me up in the Loews Beverly Hills, which didn't look like much from the outside but was really nice on the inside, complete with well-dressed desk girl who faked six or seven accents in the minute it took me to check in. The room was excellent, with a big ass balcony overlooking the Hollywood hills (and indeed, the Hollywood sign), and it's good that I had a nice room, because I had absolutely nothing to do all day Sunday. The office considered me going down a day early a "just in case" scenario, but it ended up being for no reason, and I ended up not doing much of anything, because even with a big red Equinox at my disposal, I still preferred sleeping in and watching pay-per-view movies. The beds in this hotel are incredible -- they have some kickass memory foam thing going; I felt like Oola sleeping against Jabba's belly.

Like I've said before, I just like hotel rooms. Love them. Especially ones with hot, hot pay-per-view movies available for exorbitant prices. My first plunge was the remake of The Hills Have Eyes, bought after a recent testimonial from my friend Zach, who was totally right. That was a good movie. Now, here's the thing: I never saw the original, so I don't know if it's a totally soulless ape like the shitty Omen remake was. The closest I got to the original was a Michael Berryman sighting at that horror convention I went to last year. Whatever, ape or not, this is one sick, twisted and awesome stupid movie.

In the midst of too much room service and too many cigarettes, I watched Final Destination 3 again, and I still like it, so there.

Work started calling me at 7 AM this (Monday) morning, apparently not remembering the three hour time difference. I was happy to remind them, but it only bought me a half hour. Finally, this afternoon, I got around to doing what I was sent here to do: Try desperately to take a picture of the Hollywood sign from my balcony through the fog. Nah, I came to interview some of the people who lent their voices-and-more to Monster House, and that went mighty fine. We did it on the Sony lot, where they were apparently shooting Spider-Man 3 every day this past week except today, just to piss me off, because I so needed to be the 3,456th person to take a picture of Tobey in a black shirt and call it a career.

When all was said and done, I'd met some good people, watched some good movies, took some shitty pictures and had a gazillion hours to kill before my redeye. Which is why I'm here. You're helping me kill time. I'm not kidding when I say that I drove around the airport for an hour and sat outside it for another 45 minutes, desperate to avoid doing what I'm doing right now: Sitting at my gate with absolutely nothing to do but type blog entries in a size 6 font so the burly guys behind me can't read 'em. There's still about 90 minutes before flight time, and the flight involves a stopover in Chicago, so all in all, I'm ready to kill your mudder.

Now: Back home, and that was, my GOD, that was the WORST flight ever. As I was writing the above section, I noticed the scheduled depart time change from 11:15 to 11:35...and then to 11:55. When all was said and done, they didn't let us on that plane until well after midnight. I got stuck in the middle of a row next to a gigantic old guy who did not stop fidgeting the entire flight. At one point, he tried to contort himself so he could sleep sideways, in an airplane seat, with his folds of fat invading my personal space and making me cry. Once in a while, he'd settle down and actually fall asleep, and once I got past his snoring, I followed suit...until he flicked on the overhead lights to read the stupid complimentary plane magazines again. This happened 100 times.

We finally landed in Chicago at 6 in the morning, where the three or four of us who were continuing on the flight to Newark had to sit by the gate for 45 minutes, basically for no reason. Then we were herded back on the plane with a bunch of fresh faces, making me feel even more dirty and unshowered. On the plus side, I noticed the fat gross guy sitting next to me pull out a new boarding pass just as we landed in Chicago, meaning that I wouldn't have to deal with him again. Sure enough, when we reboard the plane with a bunch of new people, he's gone...and replaced by his fucking identical twin, equivalently fidgety, this time with goddamned psoriasis.

All told, it took around fifteen hours of traveling to get home, and now I'm too pissed and exhausted to tell you about the Kryptonite Doritos I found in Cali. Tomorrow, I guess.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 06/27/2006 11:43 PM EST

HAHAHA that post rocksssss
It's always great when you tell us about your being put in awkward situations, even though the psoriasis part made me feel funny. The best was when you were trying to make copies a long time ago and everything got really scary. The pineapple drink story was super awesome, too. PS Is the interview just gonna be in Nick mag or is it gonna be on TV??

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 06/27/2006 11:44 PM EST

Sounds like fun. I just stayed at a hotel in NYC (for free of course) and the PPV movies were $13.00. I'm sorry, but I just watched world cup soccer instead. That price is beyond me. They had some movies titled "still in theatres", but they were out on DVD by now. For Xmen 3, I would have gladly paid 13 to see it.

Well anyways, I love staying in hotels. So much fun.

Chestnuts roasted by Charlie @ 06/27/2006 11:45 PM EST

I was on a flight this past weekend and to my surprise the band, Quiet Riot was fellow passengers on my flight...strange.

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 06/27/2006 11:49 PM EST

Damn, I loved Quiet Riot when I was a kid. A friend of mine got to meet them in person after a show in upstate and has a huge picture with all their autographs. Lucky bastard he is.

Chestnuts roasted by Destro @ 06/28/2006 12:26 AM EST

I've never been on a plane.
...
Yeah, I got nothin'.

Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 06/28/2006 12:36 AM EST

I once had a flight with Samuel L. Jackson who would NOT stop cursing at me! (sighs)

Chestnuts roasted by Snakes @ 06/28/2006 12:49 AM EST

I wish I was in California....but not really.

And how much longer are we gonna wait for Disney Part III?

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 06/28/2006 12:57 AM EST

I'll be going to Ireland for a family wedding in August. Luckily we were able to get nonstop flights because as Matt pointed out, stopovers suck all kinds of ass. On Expedia I saw they had an option to fly from Philly to Shannon with a stopover in CHICAGO, and it cost MORE than a nonstop flight, so it's nice to see they offer options for the clinically insane.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 06/28/2006 01:04 AM EST

This is my first post but I have been reading on and off since the beginning. Anyway I just returned from vacationing in Hollywood, looking at that very same sign, and the highlight of the trip was seeing Pee-wee's bicycle in the Hollywood museum there.

Chestnuts roasted by The Boy @ 06/28/2006 01:11 AM EST

And it only took 11 comments, heh.
I hate driving in LA, but it's pretty hard to get irreversibly lost. You also should have realized, being in an SUV means you completely own the road, regardless of driving ability (that's how people act out here at least).

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/28/2006 01:11 AM EST

Re: Spiderman filming...I have to say, I live in NYC, and accidentally stumbled (literally!) into the middle of Spiderman 3 location shooting a few weeks ago. The security on the set was composed of some of the rudest people I've ever encountered (I ended up there because I was trying to exit the subway, and was simply told I couldn't, with no explanation. Needless to say, as a harried commuter, I felt no impetus to listen to the random man who wanted me to stay put.)

Oh for the record, they were shooting a *huge* 'Thank You Spiderman' type crowd scene near city hall.

Chestnuts roasted by Gadget Mouse @ 06/28/2006 01:27 AM EST

Hmm, this may have been mentioned in the last thread, but I didn't see it:
http://www.aquapod.com/

Don't forget to go there for fun and excitement.

Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 06/28/2006 04:01 AM EST

Once I had a flight to MSP detoured at the Fargo airport for 12 hours. And since all flights were rerouted there they would not let us get out of the plane. That was a smoker's hell.
Matt Just curious, was the interview for Nick and if so, don't they have staff out there?

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/28/2006 07:31 AM EST

Surely, Nick didn't book you in coach, did they? If so, cheap bastages. You just won an award for Jeb's sake.

Knowing someone who moved out there and living vicariously through them for a while when I was younger, I think I would rather staple baloney to my face than go to Hollywood/L.A. No offense to the Cali's in the audience. They probably wouldn't want to visit my podunk town, either.

Did you ever notice that you ALWAYS get stuck beside someone who is fat, smelly or loud (usually all of the above) on a flight? Just once, I'd like to get stuck beside a Jessica Simpson look-a-like wearing a halter top, Daisy Dukes and is a nympho around geeks like me. That would give new meaning to snake on a plane ..wacka wacka..

Chestnuts roasted by freudguy @ 06/28/2006 07:58 AM EST

1. The new Hills is good, but the original was much, much better. Maybe three times as much?

2. Same thing happened to me on a flight to San Jose from Philadelphia, except the guy was my coworker so I couldn't even act like an ass.

Chestnuts roasted by Nutley @ 06/28/2006 10:16 AM EST

Flying sucks. One time I was flying up to Maine and I was the only person on this tiny little puddle jumper who didn't have a person sitting next to me. However, I did have these two kids, each about fifteen, across the aisle. They were talking about all of the stupid bands they liked, and loudly...there was a bit of turbulence and then we straightened out and landed. I looked over, and one of the kids had puked into his hands and was asking his friend if he could smell it. I freaking ran off the plane.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/28/2006 10:20 AM EST

I have seen the original HILLS HAVE EYES and didn't see what the attraction was.
Did anyone else see SUPERMAN RETURNS last night besides me?
ALMOST a GREAT movie. There were parts and scenes that were excellent but I fear the running time is going to have a negative impact. It will be a monster hit but 2 hours and 30+ minutes for a movie that could easily have been cut down is a bit much.

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 06/28/2006 10:46 AM EST

Funny, I just resolved to go to Hollywood more often. Toi Rockin' Thai Food on Sunset is reason enough for the drive. Matt, you should have at least gone to Ripley's or Ameoba Records as they're both easy to find.
I'll have to check out Hills based on the reco and it featuring Blondie from Lost (Emilie de Ravin? Sorry, it's too early to imdb).

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/28/2006 10:51 AM EST

Last flight I was on (last year from Chicago to London) the guy next to me watched "National Treasure" twice back-to-back. He must have been jonesing for his daily four-consecutive-hours-of-Nicolas Cage fix.

Chestnuts roasted by Thorzul @ 06/28/2006 10:58 AM EST

Snakes: If sound carried over the internet, I'd be starting a slow clap right now.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/28/2006 11:11 AM EST

The Hills Have Eyes remake: I liked it alright, but I expected a little more coming from the guy that made High Tension. Everyone's seen High Tension right? The best way to see it is to skip the last 15 minutes.

Kryptonite Doritos: I picked up a bag of these the other day. They're the Doritos "minis". Basically guacamole flavored Doritos, but I'm a sucker for marketing and couldn't resist the lure of the the name "Kryptonite Doritos".

Superman Returns: Anxious to see this, but I'm going to see it on the IMAX screen so I can check out the 3-D.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris Martin @ 06/28/2006 11:36 AM EST

The Hills Have Eyes remake was better than I expected too. Welcome back Matt.

Now I'm going to watch old Beetlejuice cartoons on IN2TV. Thanks for bringing my attention to it.

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 06/28/2006 11:49 AM EST

Sprechen of the Left Coast, where you can see bumper sticker that say "Honk if you ARE Jesus", here are the co-ordinates for Disneyland:

33, 48' 45" N latitude
117, 55' 8" W longitude

Check out the urban sprawl surrounding the place! Ol' Walt had the right idea when he bought all that land for Disney World.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/28/2006 11:53 AM EST

That reminds me of a cute license plate holder I saw recently: "99% Cinderella...Don't even Tink about the rest!"
Jessica Marie's story is so fucking gross I hate flying, but I've never had any interpersonal issues with fellow fliers. My mom did strand us in Phoenix (in August) once for cursing at a flight attendant though.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/28/2006 12:34 PM EST

Matt I can not believe that with a rental and a full day to kill you didn't take in Disney Land. What a contrast that would have made for your Disney trip.

Bad passengers sitting next to you on a flight will always exist, much like that haze over the Hollywood sign.

You also missed going to that sidewalk with all the stars you can walk over. There are always panhandlers dressed up in costumes running around. I defy you to find Homer Simpson, Spiderman, Elmo and Darth Vader chumming it up together anywhere else in this world.

Chestnuts roasted by Wenthral @ 06/28/2006 01:04 PM EST

About Superman Returns...

I heard that it's connected to Superman 2..

can anyone confirm this?

I'll sit thorugh the original 2 if I have to, but if it's not connected, I'll return them.

Chestnuts roasted by selvig @ 06/28/2006 02:45 PM EST

I always imagined Kryptonite to taste like rock candy, so rock candy flavored Doritos sound effing gross.

And if these Doritos are in fact avocado flavored, then that just ruins the whole Superman thing for me.

Chestnuts roasted by 7-Zark-7 @ 06/28/2006 02:49 PM EST

Wow I have nothing to say.....except that superman is a fruitball, it woulda been cool if you actually went to disney land, and........ That's it.

Chestnuts roasted by PRSense @ 06/28/2006 03:13 PM EST

I had my first car rental a couple weeks ago. All I got was a lousy Ford Focus and I was in some kind-of-small city outside of Minneapolis. No big-pimpin' in Hollywood for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 06/28/2006 03:31 PM EST

Every time I eat Dorito's, one of those little "triangles of death" somehow manage to turn itself upright in my mouth and shred the bejesus out of my gums. This has to be the all time worst shape for a chip. I loved it when they came out with the 3D's but for some ungodly reason they stopped stocking them in my area. Now I have to brave the inevitable and eat the normal ones. I have tried cocking my head slightly as I eat them, taking smaller bites, and even crunching the hell out of the bag so that all I have left id Dorito dust and oonly the latter has prvided me with a satisfactory solution to this problem. Does anyone else share this complication, or am I the only one plagued by this snacktime dilemma?

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/28/2006 03:38 PM EST

Selvig, yes, this one is supposed to be after 2 but there are no mentions of the events of the first two really. Just some old rehased lines from the first 2. I thought there might be a General Zod reference or 2 but there weren't.

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 06/28/2006 03:58 PM EST

yep, gonna have to agree with the folk who said the originall hills is waay waaaaaay better, but they didnt have the reallllllly cute blonde girl who i have absolutely no idea what her is, but whatever, it was a good movie, but i like the original for nostalgic factor, first horror flick i ever saw, never looked back!

glad to have you back matt!!!
El-Josh-0

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 06/28/2006 04:34 PM EST

Yep. Hollywood is gay, but man does Beverly Hills have some kickass hotels. There are lotsa good entertainment venues there, but I'd rather go to San Francisco. It's fairly cleaner and seems to have friendlier people. Plus, it has a great fine arts scene. SF all the way baby!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 06/28/2006 05:08 PM EST

I haven't seen the remake, but I saw the original Hills on IFC a few months back and was bored by it. But I find that a lot of "classic" movies often don't do it for me so I may not be the guy to ask/trust.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 06/28/2006 05:17 PM EST

The cute blond girl in The Hills Have Eyes remake is the chick from Lost. Claire. She is hot. But you know she's got a little mutant growing inside of her now. Uh. In the movie that is. Not in real life. That I know of.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris Martin @ 06/28/2006 05:43 PM EST

Sorry about your flight experience Matt. Sounds like you were a victim of O'Hare airport, where no flight ever departs on time. I was once stranded there for about 5 hours waiting for my flight, so I feel for ya

Chestnuts roasted by Julie @ 06/28/2006 07:00 PM EST

Yeah, that airplane ride sounded sooo Bitner dude.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/28/2006 07:57 PM EST

Flew from Maryland to Florida once for a high school band trip (man, does that seem like eons ago!), but thankfully the time in the air was uneventful.
As for what transpired in FL when we landed, well, that's a whole different story.....

Chestnuts roasted by DeeJay @ 06/28/2006 08:24 PM EST

So what's the worst airport you've ever had to spend time in?
My vote, though I have not flown all that much, goes either to Portland, Maine - where I was once stranded for hours, and you can see from one end to the other - or Dulles in Washington, which is all terminals and chaos.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/28/2006 09:03 PM EST

I haven't been on an airplane in more than ten years, since my sister and I flew to Montana from Philadelphia (with a stopover in Salt Lake City) in 1995. Most of our plane trips were fairly uneventful; the worst that ever happened on one was getting stuck in the air for almost an hour over Phildelphia due to a huge storm in the area.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 06/28/2006 09:08 PM EST

I'm going to New York in a couple months and I have a hour and a half layover in Chicago. So from everything I've read on here, I'll be lucky to make it to New York huh? But maybe I'll have some good airplane stories to tell.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 06/28/2006 09:43 PM EST

I lived in a hotel and agree with your love.

Chestnuts roasted by S @ 06/28/2006 10:48 PM EST

When I was on my 8th grade class trip, we got stuck in O'Hare overnight on the way home. There was a huge snow storm, no planes were taking off, and all the hotels were full. No one had any money left for food, because we were on our way home. Our teacher and his wife had maxed out their credit cards while in DC, so they couldn't loan us anything. The Salvation Army showed up with food, of a sort- Little Debbie Poundcakes. Unfortunately, they are the only Little Debbie foods that are disgusting.

By the time we got home, none of us had eaten anything but airplane snacks and poundcakes for almost 24 hrs. Some parents actually brought food to the airport for their kids.

On the plus side, Mom made my favorite dinner for me and had it waiting for me when I got home. I don't think any meal has ever been as satisfying as that one was.

I can only imagine what it was like for our teacher. Forty whining, broke, tired 8th graders were all depending on him. I think I'd rather have my fingernails pulled off with pliers.

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 06/28/2006 11:53 PM EST

Old E Bitner...oh man...Bitner indeed....

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Galvatron @ 06/29/2006 12:44 AM EST

Don't you just love LAX and all of the polite people it's packed with? Congrats on driving in LA for your first time... and in an SUV no less. I'm impressed. I'm still scared to drive in LA, it seems like someone cuts you off every five minutes or so.

I love flying, but I HATE flying when I have to sit next to annoying people, which happens on just about every other flight. Plus, flying first class a few times has spoiled me to death.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt(#2?) @ 06/29/2006 01:07 AM EST

Not sure if the whole Superman 2 explanation was enough, but there's an essential scene in Superman 2 that makes a significant part of Superman Returns make sense. If you don't want to be spoiled, for the love of god, STOP READING HERE. Superman has sex with Lois off-camera in 2, and because he had stepped into Jor-El's power-killing light chamber, he was able to have sex with Lois and not "blow a load through her back like a shotgun" to put matters in Kevin Smith terms. Sooooo... there's a matter of Supes's 5 year absence, and Lois's new hubby and 4 yr 3 month old or so child...

Chestnuts roasted by Xevo @ 06/29/2006 02:16 AM EST

dude sorry our weather was shitty, as soon as you left it was fucking hot again! but yeah...we Califorkians love our guaco so there's why you get the superman killing doritos. Next time you come to Ca you should speak in a different accent to the receptionist, just to toss her in a loop, try the new jersey slang, you'll get a "oh la la" look from her, keep on keeping on matt

Chestnuts roasted by Josh @ 06/29/2006 03:35 AM EST

Toulouse airport in France was a nightmare. It's tiny, there's only one security gate and no real shops. If you're stuck there, all you can do is stare out of the window and visit the restrooms. It's also full of arrogant French nationals barging their way around. Horrible.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott @ 06/29/2006 05:36 AM EST

Stacey If you are going to OHare, you are safe, Midway however has the worst whiplash inducing short runways inthe world. My favorite airport for a layover was always SaltLake, there are still smoking lounges there. Least favorite? Chicago Midway.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/29/2006 09:46 AM EST

Sorry to interrupt, but holy shit, the teaser for the TF movie is on You tube, may not stay up for long so click while you can, my name or cut and paste.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-uKst1Hd9c

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Galvatron @ 06/29/2006 01:31 PM EST

Which Chicago airport did you go to? Usually when I head over there I hit Midway airport, it's been pretty good to me every time I use it to go flying to and from Chitown.

Also, if you ever have any free time in Chicago, go see a White Sox game. It's cheaper than going to a Cubs game, U.S. Cellular Field is nicer (and not as messy) and the Sox are a better team anyway.

Chestnuts roasted by mjf7583 @ 06/29/2006 02:05 PM EST

Well I had a flight like that there recentlee. I their with aunt betsy and she ate some of that beans and rice they like in loozinana. Anyway, that made for one musical fight in that their commumter aircraft. Thoght I was going to have to get in a toumbule with the fella across the way. It was also bumpy so everything together made some folks use that little baggie. Damn that was a flight.

Chestnuts roasted by Bo @ 06/29/2006 02:11 PM EST

I still haven't found the Kryptonite Doritos. I was at that horror show you mentioned the same day in South Jersey.

Chestnuts roasted by kj in NJ @ 06/29/2006 02:39 PM EST

Incidentally, does it seem wrong to anyone else that Nathan Bitner still doesn't have a Wikipedia entry?

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/29/2006 04:09 PM EST

Wikipedia is cooooool

Chestnuts roasted by PRSense @ 06/29/2006 05:00 PM EST

I can't believe Photog is not in stores yet... that is the real crime. Oh and that hot chick who was a runner up needs to come back.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/29/2006 06:05 PM EST

Darth Galvatron-

Damn you for teasing me! During the last thread, you posted a link to photos of Bumblebee, which were removed before I got there. Now you posted the link for a teaser trailer, and once again it was removed before I had a chance to see it. Damn it! Damn it all to hell!

Did they at least include Lion's rockin' version of the TF theme song?

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 06/29/2006 06:45 PM EST

Just FYI: "The Science of Superman" is on the National Geographic Channel RIGHT NOW.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 06/29/2006 08:14 PM EST

Some twelve year-old kid died on a Disneyland rollercoaster.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/29/2006 09:41 PM EST

While reading my e-mail, I came across one from the alumni listserv for my fraternity. It included a link to a news article in the college paper about my old house going dry. I poked around the site and came across the "Fourum" (a play on words regarding the phone number), which is where students call in with random or funny comments. The stuff in it was different from my time at old K-State, but somehow still the same.

Green Day was playing on the stereo, and it's a beautiful summer evening here in Idaho, with that golden light that only happens in the summer. The combination of reading the Fourum and the weather and music really made me long for college. Damn I miss sitting around on the back patio or front stoop with a beer, a cigarette, and a few of my brothers. Suddenly I wanted to go back to that time, with all my heart. It made me ache for old times and old friends.

Has anyone else had a website cause such powerful feelings of nostalgia? Not like this site, because it's usually supposed to. I just mean a random site you stumbled across.

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 06/29/2006 09:42 PM EST

spaz307:
How about X-E?
>_>

Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 06/29/2006 10:47 PM EST

I'm not quite sure I've ever had a website do it, but songs and movies do it all the time.

Just another reason I've been in college for 7 years. I couldn't live without those moments. Glad that you enjoy the 'ol GD. Certainly one of my alltime favs, as everyone here knows.

I guess I should be raving about the new Dashboard--which you can get for 6.99 at Best Buy for the next week if you show your college ID--but it's nothing spectacular. A Mark, A Mission.... is better and that's almost scary, eh? But that's just my opinion. Pick it up.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 06/30/2006 01:29 AM EST

I've actually only seen two 2006 movies at the theatre this year, and one of them was Final Destination 3, since I seriously consider the Final Destination series to be simply the best horror franchise since the heyday of Freddy Krueger. It's just "amusing freak accident" porn with absolutely no pretentions to the contrary, that doesn't give you much of any reasons to give a damn about any of the characters. It's just wall-to-wall deaths from statistically negligible risks. All in good fun, of course.

Though I found the tanning bed scene to be a bit shocking and graphic, even compared to other deaths in the franchise.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 06/30/2006 03:26 AM EST

spaz: I have those moments a lot. That's one of the main reasons I come to XE. Most recently was during the opening credits to Superman Returns, with the John Williams music and the speeding 3D titles just like the original. I got a wee bit teary-eyed.

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 06/30/2006 09:04 AM EST

Oh, once on my flight, my sister was bringing her HUGE Afghan Hound. It was a really pretty dog, and she got it some medicine to eat so it'd fall asleep during the flight and so it wouldn't freak out. 'Twas a very timid dog. So, she has is all drugged up, and then like 5 minutes later, they announce that our flight would be delayed 2 hours. So then when our flight was ready, the dog was already out cold, so she had to carry this huge dog over to the crate to put it in. Then when we got back home from New Mexico, the dog was all freaked out and the whole dog-crate was full of dog shit. The dog was never the same again. My sister ended up giving it to a farm, because she couldn't keep it anymore, and it'd only go outside if you were like, right next to it the whole time.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessealot @ 06/30/2006 09:45 AM EST

Dang, Jessealot. That post made me more sad than I think any single paragraph should. I must now search my desk here at work to distract me from my now melancholy state of mind.

Oh, look, my unfinished bag of Cheetos from yesterday! Happiness prevails!

Chestnuts roasted by freudguy @ 06/30/2006 10:34 AM EST

Next time you are in Chicago you have to go to a Cubs game in the bleachers (or on the rooftops outside)...Wrigley is one of the best 'old time' baseball parks in the league...the fans are always friendly and love alcohol...and even though the cubs suck...when do they not? It is just an overall good time. The Sox's field is in the ghetto of Chicago - so bring your glock and pray!

Chestnuts roasted by Mark @ 06/30/2006 12:26 PM EST

If you're a fan of Douglas Adams then you can appreciate that directly outside the entrance to Terminal 2 at Heathrow Airport, there is a Coke machine.

On a different note, I saw Superman Returns last night. I give it 8 out of 10 Crunchberries. It would have been 10 if Kate Bosworth had a little more of that Margot-moxy and Kevin Spacey would have went all "Swimming with Sharks" on everybody. I also didn't care for one particular subplot. But hey... Pirates 2 comes out next week and this has me really excited.

Chestnuts roasted by 7-Zark-7 @ 06/30/2006 01:47 PM EST

Hurrah. I get to help my friends move all their crap into their new apartment. In the middle of the summer. In Abilene.

Somebody please kill me.

Anyway, click my name to visit "Bad Candy." The writing lacks Matt's steely-eyed control of the English language, but the subject matter should be near and dear to any true XEr's heart. An article heading: "In which a young man sets off on a journey of enlightment and instead winds up with a spunk-covered gumball in his mouth. A three-tiered candy horror with bonus frisbee action!"

Have fun.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/30/2006 04:48 PM EST

Coupla things...

1. www.transformersmovie.com has the teaser trailer, and it's not leaving anytime soon. I'm honestly not terribly impressed, but it's good to whet my appetite.

2. The Spider-Man 3 trailer is at http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/spiderman3/site/ and it's really, really good. I'm the one person who thought Spider-Man 2 was terrible, but even I can't wait for this movie!

3. Superman Returns was pretty damned good. I wouldn't say "great" either, but my compliment stands. There's nothing in it that will outright blow you away, but it's still a really solid story with great characters. The effects are awesome, and more importantly it'll hopefully kickstart the Superman franchise for another 2 movies. Kevin Spacey is, predictably, amazing as Lex Luthor... and, not as predictably, everyone else is great too. Again, there's nothing mind-boggling about it. It's not the next Matrix or LOTR. The effects are flawless, but you've seen similar things already. The plot is good, but there aren't really any shocking twists. If it were very slightly more novel, it'd be so good that I'd have to graft an extra arm to myself to give it three thumbs up.

Oh, and I saw it in IMAX 3D. Fun, but gimmicky. The 3D wasn't as good as it is in things that are made to be 3D, and whenever things were moving quickly it just looked blurry, not 3D, to me. I have to admit, though... for the first time this technology (to convert a film that wasn't filmed to be in 3D and wasn't animated into 3D) was used, it looks pretty nice. I can't wait to see what it's like in 5 or 10 years... I, for one, would love to see a resurgence of 3D movies!

Chestnuts roasted by Vegan Mike @ 06/30/2006 05:20 PM EST

Transformers, a whole year away. This is going to be the can't wait movie of the year for me.

Got my sneak passes to Pirates of the Caribean today, next Wednesday.

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 06/30/2006 06:04 PM EST

I have to say, I'm pretty damn excited by the Transformers trailer. It looks like it might be a little more thoughtful than "Robots crash land and start tearing shit up." Of course, it could be another "Independence Day" too. And you know what? That wouldn't bother me. I LIKED Independence Day for what it was: a big-explosion summer movie. If they can make a TF movie that succeeds at that, I can be happy.

Of course, if they got Peter Cullen and Frank Welker to voice Prime and Megs, Super-Mega Fanboy Mode would kick in. I'd probably start camping out a month before opening.

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 06/30/2006 07:32 PM EST

I liked the Transformers teaser because it portrayed the franchise in a neat way to people who weren't necessarily already in love with it, either for the related nostalgia or the more current renditions. Remove the Transformers element and watch the teaser again: It's still something you'd wanna see. Also, if anything can be surmised from the teaser, they're not going to spend a shitload of time setting things up in the movie. Hopefully, we'll already be in the thick of things and won't have to endure 45 minutes of lead-in to special effects-laden transformation scenes. I'm also thinking that they're going to look at the franchise more conceptually than literally, which is good, because there's enough bones to throw us fanboys without being married to any particular original storyline. I have a good feeling about this.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/30/2006 07:40 PM EST

spaz307

Agreed, ID4 was a kick ass summer blockbuster. I liked Jurassic Park III for the same reason. Sometimes you just want a good film with explosions, scares, etc. Who cares about the plot (although ID4 actually had a decent, if unbelievable in the end, plot).

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 06/30/2006 07:43 PM EST

122 days until halloween, kick ass!

Chestnuts roasted by even my glamour shot is ugly @ 07/01/2006 09:37 AM EST

Now intoducing (drum roll)....

Giant Ape Juice now in Purple!

Yes you now can get your Giant Purple Ape Juice only here at XE your Giant Ape Juice source.

Waring:
Do not use Giant Ape Juice if your are pregnant, going to become pregnant or just like to sleep around so you can land yourself a rich baby daddy.

If you have an errection lasting longer then four hours stop using Giant Ape Juice and go into Porn.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 07/01/2006 10:41 AM EST

hey everyone,
i just tried to check out the TF trailer, wont work, is anyone else having this problem?
WHAT CAN I DO>!?!?!

HEEEEEELLLLLLP!!!!!

El-Josh-O

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC Needs Your Help! @ 07/01/2006 11:50 AM EST

O'Hare is where flights go to die.

I was stuck there once for about 4-5 hours in a heavy thunderstorm. This had actually been right after the bombings of the two embassies in Africa, so a lot of people were obviously on edge. Then these fighter jets blazed right above the field with these conspicuous trails of smoke, and that was obviously a bit alarming. We later learned it was part of an air show, or something. To any Chicagolanders who regularly post here, is there some kind of local air show around mid to late August?

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew @ 07/01/2006 12:29 PM EST

Hey Jerry Horror:
You Should Change Your Name To Jerry Totally Rips Off Danzig..

AND I STILL NEED TO 'REGULARS' HELP!!!
SOOOOO HAAVE TO SEE THE TRANFORMERS TEASER BUT I CANNOT GET IT TO WORRRRRKK!!
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 07/01/2006 12:51 PM EST

Josh, if you're having trouble seeing in on the official site, try searching on YouTube.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/01/2006 02:55 PM EST

sweeeeet
thanks matt!!
So, Is This Our SNT???
Anyone Have Any Rad Summer Saturday Night Plans??
Cheers
El-Josh-O

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 07/01/2006 04:29 PM EST

New Slurpee Flavor Alert!!!
Purple S'creme
"Looks purple. Tastes vanilla."

Sounds interesting. Has anyone seen/had it?

Chestnuts roasted by DeeJay @ 07/01/2006 05:01 PM EST

My Saturday night plans are as follows:
Wait for pizza.
Eat pizza.
Go to work late because as of the writing of this, I am already late because the pizza has not arrived.
This guy is not getting a tip.

Chestnuts roasted by Somethin' Funny @ 07/01/2006 08:34 PM EST

My Saturday night:

Buy next Fables: Arabian Nights (and Days).
Read it.
Sleep.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 07/01/2006 08:54 PM EST

Wow...so many kick-ass flicks on the horizon. These are truly great times for those of us who find more satisfaction in reveling in the fictitious exploits of giant alien robots than...y'know...socializing with our fellow humans.

As for my Saturday night: you're looking at it. I'll be slumped over my keyboard for the majority of the evening, so expect to hear a lot from me tonight.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 07/01/2006 09:03 PM EST

Well I guess I'm just gonna sit here and put the new Taking Back Sunday on repeat.

Perhaps a movie. Any input? This HAS worked before, so let's hope it works again.

Lemme see....

Scorched--You Wanna JACK WITH THE RIPPER?
High Fidelity--That is a Cosby Sweat-er. Did Laura let you leave the house like that?
Advent Children--yes, I love the American Dub, the only problem is Sephiroth, but toggling the audio for 5 minutes doesn't bother me.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/01/2006 09:13 PM EST

My night:
watching baseball now
then I'm gonna watch Pirates of the Caribbean (for the first time)
the whole time checking ebay to make sure I don't lose the auction I've bid on.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/01/2006 09:16 PM EST

Uhh, matt, that was not FOG blocking your view of the Hollywood sign, its a little thing called we call SMOG How those lungs feel boy?

Chestnuts roasted by EVLASH3 @ 07/02/2006 04:49 AM EST

Yeah, we haven't had too much actual fog lately; it's actually been pretty frigging hot and sunny. And Matt, I agree you should've tried to hit Disneyland for your day off or something. You wouldn't have had to write a whole article about it, but I think you would've found the comparisons interesting. PLUS they're holding the premiere of Pirates 2 right there! They'd actually erected a movie screen on Tom Sawyer Island and sort of a grandstand on the opposite shore of the river where all the dignitaries would sit. Unfortunately, the CA Pirates ride was closed too to add Jack Sparrow and the rest in. I know cause I was there just a couple weeks ago. ^_^ Okay, you might've collapsed in all this heat we've been having if you'd come. Well...there's always next time, I guess. Disneyland isn't nearly as collosal or self-contained as the World, and there's a lot of construction going on there, and it's surrounded by urban sprawl, but...it's still the oldest outpost of Walt's empire. And it's not nearly as humid as Florida. Plus it has the WORLD's largest parking garage. My friend, who has a regular pass, swears it's true.

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew @ 07/02/2006 02:43 PM EST