06/14/2006 Entry: "G Force Gushers!"

Sheet, yo. It's the G Force Gushers, funked out with a gangsta twist.

Our vices grow lamer and less designer as we grow older; for me, it's become Gushers. Fruit snacks with gooey fruit sap inside. Freshen-Up gum without the gum. Good stuff, and has been for a long time. Notable for its advertising campaign featuring kids so empowered by Gushers snacks that their heads morph into oversized pieces of fruit, I've often looked to Gushers in my hour of need. They represent "feel good food." They look like little pricey jewels, but they're edible, and that makes you feel good. And now, they've taught me that the concept of "G Force" is visually represented by a pus-filled Staryu.

I'd put off trying the no-longer-so-new G Force Gushers sheerly out of loyalty to the originals, but I was high on crack while food shopping last night and decided, "what the hizzy?" Packaged in a box with weird art that's fairly absurd for a fruit snack brand, G Force Gushers are basically jumbo-sized regular Gushers, only this time, they're shaped like ninja stars. A bigger seller point comes by way of G Force Gusher's larger amount of inner fruit goo, which has a more watery consistency than the originals, is more vibrantly colored, and if you squeeze one of the candies, provides a sight undeniably akin to watching some fat ox pop an unripe boil on his forehead. Proof:

Gross as it looks, it still tastes neato. Like a piece of Starburst taking a messy shit down your throat.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/14/2006 11:41 PM EST

I saw 'em the other day on my lunch break, passed 'em up for some Cocoa Booty. That's not a euphemism.

Chestnuts roasted by Bryan @ 06/14/2006 11:55 PM EST

Man, I saw the second picture before anything else, and thought that it was gonna be about some sort of new slime toy.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 06/15/2006 12:04 AM EST

"Like a piece of Starburst taking a messy shit down your throat."

Matt, your creative similes never cease to amaze me...

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 06/15/2006 12:50 AM EST

Those are pretty good, but nothing rocks like the Sour/Passion Fruit Gushers variety box. I'm glad some of y'all still like these fruit snacks, though. Most of my friends now say they taste like medicine.

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 06/15/2006 12:56 AM EST

Is it just me or does that blue one look like a toy from Nickelodeon's heyday?

Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 06/15/2006 12:58 AM EST

You know what? It kinda does!

Edible Gak*! Available in 34 kid-tastic colors and flavors, by the makers of Disney Part II!

.

*gak harmful if consumed, so don't even try it. If you are preganant and gak begins to ooze, run!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 06/15/2006 01:07 AM EST

I LOVE fruit snacks, especially Gushers. I got nothing else to say about this topic.

Since I told everyone about the Darkside/Monsters on Youtube, I might as well inform you that alot of episodes of "Are You Afraid of the Dark" are on there also.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 06/15/2006 01:11 AM EST

Ever since I moved out last summer I have been pretty good about not playing junk food at all -- but now, those aspirations have been dashed, as after seeing that gooey glory I will be hitting the local market tomorrow and getting my "gush" on.

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 06/15/2006 01:16 AM EST

"Like a piece of Starburst taking a messy shit down your throat."

Thats why Matt makes the big bucks. His writing is funny as hell. You know how the dumbest shit is funny when you're drunk? Matt can take that humor and make it funny when you are sober.

Chestnuts roasted by Rayzak @ 06/15/2006 01:32 AM EST

Ugh. That just looks so nasty wrong. I like fruit snacks but the "gush" gets me.
I'm dumb and don't know what a ft ox is. I tried to googlefu it and ended up here. Am I on the right track?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/15/2006 01:45 AM EST

My sentiments exactly Raysak. However, if the G-Force gushers don't come in bags that have the consistency of a thin sheet of foil fused with a sheet of computer paper, i'm not touching em. Call me crazy but gushers features the most satisfyingly rip able pouches.

Chestnuts roasted by BOAT @ 06/15/2006 01:53 AM EST

The big question is, do I have any Practhett beeyotches? Click my name. Go on.

Sometimes I'm glad I live in a country that is slowly falling apart due to lack of maintenance. Then I don't have to eat sweets made from octopus eyes and squid guts. Yum yum! Pass the Cadbury dream mousse, would you?

How do you get those really interesting smileys? The crazy one especially? and the grey hockey mask, of course. They say evil chucky was based on a true story. In Germany, but anyhow. O^o

Chestnuts roasted by arete @ 06/15/2006 04:03 AM EST

I won a settlement from Gushers after my head became a watermelon. A cool half-million....but it doesn't change the fact that no woman would want me now.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 06/15/2006 04:15 AM EST

The interesting smiles are from when Matt changed the normal smileys around halloween, and never changed them back. off hand, I know that...
: ) =
: ( =

Remove the spaces, of course.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 06/15/2006 04:24 AM EST

Gotta be honest with you... I love regular Gushers, but wasn't too impressed with the G-Force aside from squishing them between my fingers. Too much gummi, not enough gooey innerds.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/15/2006 07:25 AM EST

I bought those gushers last week because I'm a chocoholic...Now wait, that doesn't make sense...

Chestnuts roasted by TC Falcon @ 06/15/2006 08:05 AM EST

The new gushers make me sad. Fruit snacks are an inherently happy food. How have we reached this point? How have we gone from a kindly old tree handing out artificial sugar-raisins to shiruken-shaped confections in a flavor called "Tropical Rage?" My theory is that corporate America has bought into Jack Thompson's "Manchurian Children" line, and they're attempting to placate their new vidyagame-playing overlords with violent candies so they're not the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/15/2006 08:36 AM EST

MMMmmmm... Freshen-up. I used to sneak into my mother's purse and steal those.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/15/2006 09:05 AM EST

"I won a settlement from Gushers after my head became a watermelon."

Now you have to live in a state of constent terror, because you never know where Gallagher might pop up.

Chestnuts roasted by Deuce @ 06/15/2006 09:52 AM EST

I never had any kind of fruit snacks when I was younger, we was poooooo. Gotta say tho when I tried them as an adult.......... Don't see what the big deal is......

Chestnuts roasted by PRSense @ 06/15/2006 10:32 AM EST

Ewwww.... That looks like paint coming out. Im not a big fan with thinks that look non edible....like that green and purple ketchup...Pretty to look at but not to eat.

Chestnuts roasted by brookelynn @ 06/15/2006 11:57 AM EST

Muppet Baby: Sorry for the mix up yesterday. I was replying to you but put your name in the name spot instead of at the begining. Sorry again for making you think you had a doppleganger.

Those new gushers look awesome

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 06/15/2006 11:58 AM EST

Interestingly enough, a screenshot of X-E that blipped through a timewarp from 1,000 years in the future described Corporate America as "A bunch of candy-forgetting jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/15/2006 12:08 PM EST

G-force Gushers sound vaguely...dirty. And look like the Purple People Eater's zits.

I'd still eat them though. Such is my shame.

Chestnuts roasted by DemonNurse @ 06/15/2006 12:39 PM EST

Matt, I'm severely disappointed by the lack of Disney Pt. 2... It's like you said "Here, take a few bumps of Heroin, dont' worry about wasting it, you'll get more later"... And then, when I'm at my worst, scratching for hope of more Heroin, you just laugh and say "Maybe later" as I die a little more inside...

Chestnuts roasted by gino @ 06/15/2006 12:47 PM EST

Don't worry, it's coming. I got a bit busy last weekend, and when I wasn't busy, I just wasn't feeling it. Didn't want to write that one halfassingly.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/15/2006 01:08 PM EST

What a coincidence, I just got through eating a pack of G-force Gushers not 30 minutes ago. I'm home sick today (damn, I hate summer colds) and was watching the new The Hills Have Eyes when I realized that there were some in the "junk" cabinet. Hmm, watching a movie about cannibals and then craving fruit snacks with goo inside...that's a little freaky. My wife bought them for my son but he's with grandparents this week - he loses! I love these things!

Chestnuts roasted by freudguy @ 06/15/2006 01:19 PM EST

I gotta say, I'm using your Disney trip as my surrogate vacation this year, and right now we're kinda stuck in the baggage terminal! Ah well, don't wanna give you too much shit about it, what have I contributed to society lately???

Chestnuts roasted by Dr Sketch @ 06/15/2006 01:55 PM EST

I too love fruit gushers but I just wish they would put more in the boxes because once i start eating them the whole box is gone.One time i kid you not i had a package with like 30 gushers in one pouch,must have been a factory error or something.

Chestnuts roasted by Sonny @ 06/15/2006 02:24 PM EST

I gotta say, I'm using your Disney trip as my surrogate vacation this year, and right now we're kinda stuck in the baggage terminal!
Good one! Matt, take your time, you can't rush greatness, it will surely be worth the wait. *good-natured joke about the first Advent and the Chia plot goes here*
I'm a bit leery of the co$ts, but the recent coverage has me pretty well set on a Disneyland trip this summer. It's either that, or Pirate Dinner Adventure (it's like Medieval Times, but with booty and skullduggery instead of knights in armor. Pretty sure they both have wenches, though).

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/15/2006 02:27 PM EST

g-force has taken my son's elementary school by storm. all the kids have them, trade them, brag about them. along with the dried ramen soup packages for some reason. its really strange. the kids eat it uncooked.

about disney part 2, i hope it has at least one picture of matt in disney -- not just the sights.

Chestnuts roasted by waiting for disney @ 06/15/2006 02:45 PM EST

squee4242 -- I did the Pirate's Dinner Adventure in Orlando. Had a kick-ass time despite a nasty migraine. Check to see if they have the Pirate's Upgrade -- for a mere $5 more per person, your party gets guaranteed front row seating and interaction with a real bucaneer. I still have my flourescent pink plastic hurricane cup from there.

Chestnuts roasted by LemurCat @ 06/15/2006 03:26 PM EST

Wow. I didn't know they were still making Gushers, actually... that's what I get for shopping at health food stores. Total lunchbox staple when I was in middle school, but I was more into Dunkaroos... I can't have been the only one!

Meanwhile, quick review: Newman's Own "Dairy Free Newman-o's" are vegan and taste damn close to the wonder of the Oreo. I'll be using 'em to make vegan cookies 'n cream ice cream tonight

Chestnuts roasted by Vegan Mike @ 06/15/2006 03:30 PM EST

Vegans aren't allowed to eat Oreos? That just seems wrong.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 06/15/2006 03:57 PM EST

Jeff, do you KNOW what they make the filling out of???

Chestnuts roasted by Dr Sketch @ 06/15/2006 04:10 PM EST

Dr Sketch: Pixie paste. See previous thread.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/15/2006 04:22 PM EST

Vegans have sex with octupus eggs.

Chestnuts roasted by Granpa Fudgepants @ 06/15/2006 05:33 PM EST

I always see the vegan cookies in the case at Whole Foods but I'm afraid to try them.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/15/2006 05:49 PM EST

Wow, those G-force things look so pretty! But... eating most blue stuff makes me sick, and I have a feeling they have gelatin in them. Maybe not though.

Vegan Mike - I saw your post in the last thread, and WOW. I see why you weren't posting now. I'm surprised you even had time to come and read Matt's articles. So glad you are back though! And good luck on Med school, you'll have to let us know!

The inside of an oreo is basically like slathering lard on a chocolate cookie. It's all hydrogenated oils, and yeah, they have gelatin in them also, so I guess it's more like lard, animal bones, skin etc., too. Mmmmm. :X

Mike, I'm so coming over. I'll bring some extra Tofutti.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 06/15/2006 06:58 PM EST

Someone up top asked for a reference to an old cartoon. Let me just say that G Force rocked!!! Back in 1987 if there were penciled superheroes that flew, they were the shit. Now, add to this epitome of coolness that they dres like humanized fucking birds. My head exploded when I first saw it... and it only ran for a week. Anyway here is the link for those that have no clue what I am writing about: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0302109/

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/15/2006 06:59 PM EST

"G-Force?"

Oh, that's "Gatchaman." AKA "Battle Of The Planets." Here, crap yourself over THIS:

http://www.scifijapan.com/articles/2006/06/10/gatchaman-returns-to-the-big-screen/

"...provides a sight undeniably akin to watching some ft ox pop an unripe boil on his forehead."

...What is a "ft ox?"

Chestnuts roasted by Happenstance @ 06/15/2006 07:58 PM EST

I never new that Starbursts could take shits.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 06/15/2006 08:25 PM EST

Ick. I'm not a big fan of fruit snacks of any kind, no matter how gooey their innards. They get stuck between my teeth and linger there like zits for molars.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 06/15/2006 08:41 PM EST

Does anyone know if they still make cherry 7-up?
Its the best, but its disappeared completely as far as I can tell. They used to have it only in wal-mart around here, but all they have is that 7-up+ crap.

Chestnuts roasted by jesse @ 06/15/2006 09:45 PM EST

I've got a pair of 12'rs of Cherry 7up in the fridge. I usually get them at Albertson's.
LemurCat, thanks for the info!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/15/2006 10:32 PM EST

Never tried a Gusher before...G-Forced or otherwise. They may be tasty, but I think the above pic has ruined 'em for me. It looks like David Bowie's 7th-grade science project.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 06/15/2006 10:45 PM EST

Pirate's Dinner Adventure?? I've never heard of it but I LOVE that name. It's like they weren't even trying. "Ok, it'll be pirate themed, of course, and we'll serve dinner... and... adventure."

I think I contracted Tropical Rage that time I ate a pineapple fruit cup when I had sunstroke.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 06/15/2006 11:10 PM EST

Jedoc - You think that might be Pixie blood inside the gusher?

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 06/15/2006 11:47 PM EST

I like food or food by products that look like they could potentially grant me super powers merely by ingesting them.

This development pleases me.

Chestnuts roasted by Wukong @ 06/16/2006 01:39 AM EST

Nacho Libre will be awesomeness personified. But let's keep some focus people, Il Mare is gonna own!

That's the original name for the Lake House if you haven't been sitting around waiting for it, for a year and half like me.

And then we have A Scanner Darkly. What have we done to please the gods of cinema?

And what have we done to anger the gods of gaming, btw? The new Final Fantasy games are on 5 different platforms (PS3, PS2, PSP, DS, AND Cell Phones?). They just want to rape me of all my monetary worth

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 06/16/2006 02:01 AM EST

Ryane: If only. Oh, if only it were that simple.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/16/2006 08:01 AM EST

Is pixie powder the same as pixie dust? So I can dump Gushers over my head and think happy thoughts and fly? That might be worth a small breach in the veganism.

Meanwhile, anyone else really excited about Superman Returns? I've got my tickets to see it in IMAX 3D the day before it opens, and couldn't be bouncing off the walls more!

Chestnuts roasted by Vegan Mike @ 06/16/2006 10:14 AM EST

Superman in IMAX 3D is the only reason I'm excited to see Superman Returns at all. I would go watch a documentary about paper products in IMAX 3D.

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 06/16/2006 11:02 AM EST

Vegan Mike
ouch.
I'm bored.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/16/2006 12:45 PM EST

I'm pretty excited, but there's not an Imax theater within about 100 miles of me, so I'll just have to settle for the good ole theater experience.

Anybody else enjoy sneaking booze and food into the theater?

Chestnuts roasted by Deuce @ 06/16/2006 02:23 PM EST

I'm sorry but after I saw the trailer for superman I don't wanna see it. Whoever that guy is looks nothing like superman. I can't watch a movie and not believe the guy looks like the superhero he's supposed to look like. Wesley snipes looked like blade, patrick stewart looks like prof. X. This guy does not look like superman.

Chestnuts roasted by PRSense @ 06/16/2006 02:26 PM EST

Totally, Duece! Haven't done booze, but I am not afraid to look tacky sneaking food in the theater. Last time I went I brought in a platter of cheese fries and a french dip sandwich. With au jus.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/16/2006 02:41 PM EST

I swear to god. Matt's job would be so much easier if he would just give you people something to comment on every 12 hours or so. The comments on his last few blog posts have made me laugh to the point of physical pain.

By the way: Cheese fries and a french dip sandwich with au jus is probably the all time champion of things snuck into a movie theater..... and a great name for a funky jazz band

Chestnuts roasted by theniXer @ 06/16/2006 03:26 PM EST

I think sneaking in a full plate of spaghetti and ice cream in waffle cones might have to be a contender for hardest foods to sneak in to a movie. What about soup? in bowls not cups.

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 06/16/2006 03:59 PM EST

Patience people, just a little patience.
I for instance am still eagerly awaiting the conclusion of the Chia pet plot.

Chestnuts roasted by Wenthral @ 06/16/2006 04:07 PM EST

My buddy and I each snuck a sixer into the Two Towers. The sad part is that theater has a balcony where they will serve you booze. We just didn't feel like paying theater prices for watered down beer.

I've snuck beer into lots of movies, but a sixer was the most I was ever able to get into a coat without funny bulges or clinking sounds. Since it's summer, I guess I'm going to have to use a flask and make rum and Cokes. One flask should work for the GIGANTIC drinks they sell at the theater here. What's up with theaters selling you a bucket of pop for $4, and a much smaller drink for $3.75?

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 06/16/2006 07:33 PM EST

Remember back when those ridiculously large pants where "en vogue?" Well, those pants also had ridiculously large pockets and I would use said pockets to sneak all manner of food/drink into movies. On several occasions (here's my clever tie-in to the blog's topic), I packed one or two pockets full of various fruit snacks. With an entire gaggle of large-pants-wearing teenagers, we could sneak in a veritable smorgasbord!

Chestnuts roasted by DeeJay @ 06/16/2006 09:26 PM EST

In honor of the last Harry Potter movie my boyfriend and I snuck tea and toffee pudding into the theater. Of course, we used thermoses and Tupperware stuffed into my giant purse, so it wasn't too challenging.

Did anyone read Kevin Murphy's A Year At the Movies? He and his wife snuck an entire turkey dinner into a theater on Thanksgiving.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 06/16/2006 09:28 PM EST

Wow... empty in here tonight. I figured that's what I'd find being the only loser sitting around the house by myself on a Friday night. But hey, if Thorogood can drink alone, then so can I gosh darnit!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Bludge @ 06/16/2006 09:28 PM EST

That's not to say anyone else is a loser... just me. Sorry for the double post.

Chestnuts roasted by Bludge @ 06/16/2006 09:33 PM EST

hell, I'm a loser, baybay.

check it, just picked up American Pimp, can't wait to put it in, but Gremlins 2 is on right now!

we be jammin!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 06/16/2006 10:33 PM EST

I'm such a pussy about sneaking food into movies.
I will only take candy in boxes so it would pass for something I bought there.
I doubt anyone would even try to stop me, based on how much people in these parts seem to hate their jobs.
Plus I doubt any man alive is brave enough to try and separate a fat man and his food.

Chestnuts roasted by Somethin' Funny. @ 06/16/2006 11:37 PM EST

Thanks niX. To be fair, it was a late show. What I've really always wanted to be allowed to do in the theater is smoke (but of course that's even more offensive to others than crinkly wrappers). You go see something like Kong, you're going to need a smoke break or two.
LOL Deejay, I had a few Kiks back in the day that could fit a pair of two liters in the back pockets.
Woo woo Friday!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/17/2006 12:22 AM EST

I used to sneak all kinds of shit in, back when I was a kid. Winter is the best, big ass winter jackets hide all KINDS of shit!

I always wanted to smoke too...but being in a smoky theatre might not be too cool. I did trip out one time when I saw the Beavis and Butthead movie...I was in the front row geeking out at the carpet...until the Rob Zombie scene in the desert!

Yep yep...when I was 12, I got into T2, which was rated R...but maybe they just didn't care...it's not like I looked 17 or anything. But, when you're 12, it seems like you're pulling one over on the Man...getting into an R movie!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 06/17/2006 12:42 AM EST

Once I nuck a bottle of Thunderbird wine and a 12 pack of chicken nuggets in. I use to have this really big coat with 2 interior pockets, so I would bring a mini-buffet into the theater.

By the way, I picked up all this stuff from my Mom. When we were kids she'd load up her big purse full of popcorn and cokes.

I love being cheap!

Chestnuts roasted by Deuce @ 06/17/2006 03:03 AM EST

I always just walked in with stuff. The ushers at the movie theater in my neighborhood are the kids from the A.V. club at the local high school. Since I am about 6 foot 5, and 240 lbs., they kinda just say nothing and let out a sigh of wind as I walk past. Nothing quite as satisfying as frightening someone so bad that they are afraid to breathe without even trying. Try it once... guaranteed good time.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/17/2006 08:58 AM EST

When I went to see Beauty and the Beast with this huge family, the mom walked right into the theater with a cooler full of sodas and plastic bags of homemade popcorn for everyone, and nobody said a word. It seemed so defiant.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/17/2006 09:00 AM EST

Yeah, nothing says REBEL like sneaking food into BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. I am pretty sure that was more "Mom being broke from toting the whole fam to the movies" and less "Mom is totally punk rock". Hard to be defiant in an atmosphere such as that one.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/17/2006 09:04 AM EST

I work at a movie theater, and we LET people bring food to their movies.

With that said, it's the funniest thing in the world to see "sneaky" people with bulging coats and pockets.

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 06/17/2006 09:15 AM EST

Yeah, I remember some guy sneaking in a Snapple, only to have the jar roll out of his pant leg and all the way down to the front row of the theater. I would have just left it there, being too ashamed of my cheap attempt at thirst quenchiness to pick it up. He marched down in front of the screen laughing and carrying on. Even gave us a wave as he triumphantly picked up his Hidden, yet battered Snapple and trudged back to his seat. I swear I could just sit and watch stupid people do shit all day long.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/17/2006 09:52 AM EST

OH MY GOD! It posted! I've been "spamming" for three weeks now!

I'm not going to post again for a while so it doesn't think I'm spamming. But if it does think that...HI EVERYONE!

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 06/17/2006 10:03 AM EST

Holy crap. Holy crap. Okay, sorry to change the subject, but I am watching the best infomercial EVER. It's a new electric grill, advertised by none other than HULK HOGAN! Half an hour of Hulk himself saying why his grill is better than the George Foreman Grill, and two women telling him that he "thought of everything" with the grill. For $150 you too can own the Hulk Hogan Ultimate grill, guys!

Chestnuts roasted by Vegan Mike @ 06/17/2006 10:11 AM EST

Hulk: Okay, now we're going to take it up to a whole other level. We're gonna make PIZZA.

Lady: Pizza on a grill? No way!

Hulk: Way.

I kid you not, guys.

Chestnuts roasted by Vegan Mike @ 06/17/2006 10:13 AM EST

I know your exhilaration, Spoodles! When I couldn't post for days on end it was like having the DTs. I've had good luck the last week or so, but I'm holding my breath every time I hit post.
When I do sneak food I always figure as long as I'm not being blatant that nobody will bug me, since I usually go to the unfashionable multiplex in town and they should be happy for the business. That said, I thought that theaters made all their money from concessions so I thought y'all were supposed to be relatively vigilant about it.
Speaking of "as seen on TV" products, anyone seen the Lint-B-Gone? Ridiculous.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/17/2006 11:36 AM EST

For those that can't post/couldn't post because Grey Matter thought you were spamming: Just reboot your cable modem (Assuming you're using one..) If you don't have a static IP address, this effectively gives you a new one. Then you should be able to post.

I had the same problem until I thought that must be what was going one. Unplug, replug, problem solved....

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 06/17/2006 12:48 PM EST

Old E -I realize now it wasn't defiant, it just seemed that way. Past tense man.

Regarding infomercials: no infomercial, with or without Hulk Hogan, will ever take the place that the Magic Bullet has in my heart.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/17/2006 01:09 PM EST

jessicamare:
the magic bullet is the mostt amaaaaaaaaaaazin' info-mercial ever!!
the drunk uncle and the surly/cantankerous/smoking/drunk aunt/grandmother: INCREDIBLE!!!
im goddamn happy that im not the only one who loves it!!

El-Josh-0

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 06/17/2006 01:24 PM EST

It's quotable, and I swear that Bob Odenkirk gets his informercial persona from the Magic Bullet guy. The best part is that you can't help but be completely sold on the Bullet. I can't wait to get one.

"Ooh, nachos, now those are my favorite!"

"Dinner's always a production!"

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/17/2006 01:39 PM EST

Old E: "I swear I could just sit and watch stupid people do shit all day long."

That has got to be one of the truest statements ever typed into a comment box. Bravo.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/17/2006 03:09 PM EST

Sometimes smart people do stupid shit, too.

Chestnuts roasted by Somethin' Funny. @ 06/17/2006 04:27 PM EST

My favorite part of any infomercial is the black and white disaster footage... Hell's probably a house filled with regular stuff, but your IQ has been lowered to informercial-actor levels.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 06/17/2006 06:40 PM EST

Well, to be fair, if your house was grainy and monochrome, you'd probably break your hip too.

Although I must say, that would be a pretty unpleasant eternity. All lying awkwardly in the middle of the floor in stretch pants. All half-heartedly calling for help in a tone of voice you'd normally use if they forgot to include fries with your order. All unable to put the emphasis on the proper syllables. Pretty harsh punishment.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/17/2006 07:06 PM EST

I too love the Magic Bullet infomercial. I've seen those things at Target, and was soooo tempted to buy one.

We have one here for an Alluminum Alloy - it's basically like sodor that is insanely awesome and will never come apart. The thing is absolutely entrancing. There's a woman doing the voice over on it, and she's so calm and monotone... It's just her voice and a close up of Alluminum alloy eventually melting and bonding things. You just gotta see it for yourselves.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 06/17/2006 07:06 PM EST

It has been 13 days since Disney Part 1. I'm a sad panda...

Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 06/17/2006 07:48 PM EST

Ryane - I'm sold. Sign me up for like five.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/17/2006 08:32 PM EST

I love all the swipes the Magic Bullet guy takes at Berman the drunk.
Thanks for the info, Cameron! I do most of my posting from my mobile but that advice will be handy.
Has anybody watched Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet? It's genuinely riveting television. And so cute! Gorillas Revisited with Sigourney Weaver was great too. As soon as I have the extra scratch I'm going to adopt one. A gorilla, that is, not Bill Murray's baby momma.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/17/2006 08:33 PM EST

I just watched the Magic Bullet infomercial on google videos. So, does anyone know how it differs from an everyday food processor?

I wanted to watch the Hulk Hogan grill infomercial, but couldn't find it.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 06/17/2006 08:48 PM EST

Would you put your food processor in the microwave? Can you put a Re-sealable Lid on your food processor and just throw it into the fridge, saving time AND energy costs? Can you turn your food processor into a blender AND a Juice Extractor? I think not.
There's a video on the Ultimate Grill website but I don't see any appearances by the Hulkster.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/17/2006 09:15 PM EST

Squee, they need YOU on that infomercial!

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 06/17/2006 09:30 PM EST

Whoo, 100th post!

My favorite Magic Bullet infomercial quote is...

Hazel: "Garlic! Stinky, nasty garlic!"

Chestnuts roasted by Hey I'm Jeff @ 06/17/2006 10:04 PM EST

Does anyone else remember the "Hairdini" from the mid ninties? That was a good one.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/17/2006 10:04 PM EST

Just went on the homepage and saw an ad for WorldVision to feed starving children in Africa. I checked the blog, then went back to the hopmepage and saw an ad for Weight Watchers, where you can lose weight without giving up the foods you love. How ironic.

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas @ 06/17/2006 10:49 PM EST

My post above should read "stinking" instead of "stinky." Sorry.

Chestnuts roasted by Hey I'm Jeff @ 06/17/2006 11:04 PM EST

I wanted a HairDini so bad! I had friends who owned them and was never able to make them work. Apparently if you tune in to QVC on Friday morning you'll see them selling the NEW! HairDini 2 and the Teeni HairDini.
Thanks to a marathon on Fuse, I've just discovered what might be the greatest show every created: Pants-off Dance-Off. Highly recommended.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/17/2006 11:05 PM EST

Squee - the hulk does show up at the end of the infomercial on the ultimate grill website. Can I seriously cook SIX HULK BURGERS at ONCE?

One thing I never understood about the Magic Bullet group: what are they doing in that house together? They've obviously awakened after a night of partying, but they seem to have nothing in common. Is it some psycho, internet-based swinging get-together gone wrong?
Or is it so right...

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/17/2006 11:26 PM EST

it's like radioactive candy!! Yeah!

Chestnuts roasted by yelinna @ 06/19/2006 12:19 AM EST

Did you ever see the Chef Tony using a knife to cut a hammer and then cut a tomato with ease!? And then later a Ronco production with a old guy who did the exact same routine, hole-in-the-cutting-board-that-leads-to-a-hidden-trash-can and all, who was very astonished that something costed "Tirteen Tirty Tree!?"

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny Bluejeans @ 06/19/2006 02:14 AM EST

Oh oh! I remembered something! Doesn't that red sorbet or whatever it is just make you want it so bad? Like not in a gay way but you just wanna bury your face in it's chest and lose yourself there for days? It's all DEEP DARK BLOOD red and you can just imagine it's so damn strawberry-y and sweet... I wish they explained how they made it better or how they got it that color.

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny Bluejeans @ 06/19/2006 02:19 AM EST

No but I think Tony Little needs to put down the crackpipe. I swear, when he is on late at night I can't sleep. When I do close my eyes there is nothing but him and his god-damned Gazelle haunting my every attempt at slumber. Infomercials were cool until Tony Little. Now they just creep the bejesus out of me!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/19/2006 06:22 PM EST

Yeah I agree that one is frightening. He's so hyped up and that poor blonde looks like she's deciding whether or not to run off into the wilderness and escape his vile clutches. I could just see that hyperactive bastard suddenly pouncing on her and eating her throat, all the while explaining what a great workout he was getting.

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny Bluejeans @ 06/19/2006 09:57 PM EST

Not to mention his little fashion faux paus with the pony tail sticking out of the back of his baseball cap!!!! How much more can this guy resemble a bag of douche? I swear he has the tightest shorts and shirt on already. They look like some X-tra small spandex dried on high heat for 8 cycles in a row. You can see his farts traveling down his thigh after they sneak out of his buttocks. Then there is the issue of a grown man whose speech decible meter is stuck on SCREAM LIKE YOUR BALLS HAVE BEEN REMOVED. Now to top it off, he ties his bleach blonde hair into one of the poofiest pony tails a man has ever donned, pulls it through the back of a non-fitted baseball cap, and packages it all up with a heaping dose of vein neck. (I hate vein-neck by the way) This guy is in the running with Richard Simmons for Scariest exercise guru of all time.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/26/2006 03:37 PM EST

YO i think these "snacks" taste like the sickest thing ever!!! i mean i had dogg crap once and it tasted better then this.
PS-EWWWWWWWWW!

Chestnuts roasted by peefsta @ 06/29/2006 07:54 PM EST

if anybody knows the cast of the commercial please send me it

Chestnuts roasted by kyle @ 06/30/2006 03:27 PM EST

http://www.ringtones-dir.com/download/ download ringtones. nokia ringtones: Best free samsung ringtones, Cingular ringtones and more, Ringtones for free. [url]http://www.ringtones-dir.com/free/[/url] [link

Chestnuts roasted by free ringtones @ 07/07/2006 04:14 PM EST

"Like starbusts taking a shit down your throat". F'cking laughing my ass off on that one.

Chestnuts roasted by Lotta @ 07/11/2006 02:03 AM EST