04/01/2006 Entry: "There will be no Saturday Night Thread today."

There will be no Saturday Night Thread today.

APRIL FOOL'S HERE IT ISSS! aha ha ha ho hee

Let's do a survey: What animal, what single animal, are you most afraid of?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/01/2006 02:00 PM EST

I...I'm afraid of lawn gnomes. I can't go to the travelocity site because of them.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 04/01/2006 02:02 PM EST

The movie "Showgirls."

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/01/2006 02:09 PM EST

Bees.
Without a doubt, bees.

Irrational? Yes.
Allergic? No, but I dance like a lunatic when they're near.

One time I was shooing a bee away and my sister thought I was doing an impromptu impersonation of Kramer.

Chestnuts roasted by Thorzul @ 04/01/2006 02:10 PM EST

Blitzing Linebackers.

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Chestnuts roasted by Erik Majorwitz @ 04/01/2006 02:17 PM EST

"Bees? Fuck bees. I would punch every bee in the face"

Chestnuts roasted by Neo Anderson @ 04/01/2006 02:23 PM EST

Also? Fuck shoes.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/01/2006 02:39 PM EST

I'm afraid of trees. I actually love spiders though. I love them to much. I'm... I'm so sorry.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 04/01/2006 02:51 PM EST

I'll have to go with bees. I don't particularly LIKE animals in general, but bees are the only ones that really scare me. I think it has to do with the time I slipped under the covers and got stung by a bee in my own house. Damn was that a shocker.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 04/01/2006 02:52 PM EST

I don't like rats, but I like the Syd Barrett song "Rats".

Boomerang has on the Mr. T cartoon right now! Man, that shit is bad!

Fuck the sun, I fuckin' hate it too! De night time is de right time, de night time is de right time!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 04/01/2006 02:57 PM EST

Spiders are insects, so I don't think they technically count. (But spiders are on top of my fright list.) Umm... Animal... Hmmm...

I'll get back to you.

Chestnuts roasted by Rhino @ 04/01/2006 03:25 PM EST

Rhino- Insects are members of the kingdom animalia so Spiders, though spiders are arachnids, count. Trees however, aren’t members of animalia so my fear doesn’t count though, deep down, I'll always know that trees are the vilest of animals no matter what those dorks at the lab say. I'll make them all sorry! Ha Ha Ha!

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 04/01/2006 03:32 PM EST

I think I have to go with rats/mice. I don't particularly like insects, but at least I can arm myself with a can of Raid. With rats and mice, the best I can hope for is to trap them, but then I still have to deal with them, and dead rodent is 1000 times ickier (wow, I'm really showing my girly side today) than dead insect. Plus, mice and rats are so fast. You can be looking at them from half way across the room and in less than a second, they're darting across your feet. As you can see, my reasons are many.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 04/01/2006 03:46 PM EST

Elephants. Giant, rampaging, gun toting elephants from hell.

Chestnuts roasted by Dohopoki @ 04/01/2006 04:05 PM EST

Fish, anywhere near me, dead or alive. I can't handle swimming in lakes with minnows; I get freaked out around the lobster tanks in the supermarket; I used to cry while feeding my goldfish when I was little. There's just something about them that I can't handle.

Second place goes to seagulls.

Chestnuts roasted by Lizzy @ 04/01/2006 04:07 PM EST

Bats. Those suckers are creepy the way they dart all over the place and it's absolutely hell if one ever finds its way into the house.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 04/01/2006 04:20 PM EST

Cats. Yeah I know some are sweet but man, I can't shake the fact that every cat that looks at me whats to attack me. You know, Darkside The Movie Style.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan H. @ 04/01/2006 04:21 PM EST

Women, basically.

Chestnuts roasted by (o-o) @ 04/01/2006 04:21 PM EST

What animal scares me the most?Wild Turkeys. When they puff out their feathers for the ladies, I just can't compete with that!

Chestnuts roasted by TC Falcon @ 04/01/2006 04:22 PM EST

I've always had an irrational fear of earthworms. I hyperventilate and everything, its kind of pathetic.

Chestnuts roasted by Jenna @ 04/01/2006 04:47 PM EST

I'm not a big fan of tarantulas. Normal spiders are fine though.

The two underwater creatures in Ice Age 2 are pretty creepy. Good movie. PS: The Simpsons movie teaser rumor is true. I saw it today. Although I wonder if it was an April Fools Joke.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 04/01/2006 04:48 PM EST

Wolverines. I am terrified of 'em. They're nothing but "teeth and digestional tract." They're always hungry, they kill for pleasure and they're always on the prowl for prey. They're incredibly strong and vicious.
And their interest in the theatre astounds me.

Chestnuts roasted by AlphaCentaurian @ 04/01/2006 05:04 PM EST

I'll have to answer this question later on tonight, it'll be scarier that way. Or not.

The "gun toting elephants from hell" comment reminded me of Barnyard Commandos, even though I'm not sure if there was an actual elephant. Who knows?

For those that don't know:

http://www.virtualtoychest.com/barnyard/barnyard.html

Chestnuts roasted by Matt(#2?) @ 04/01/2006 05:10 PM EST

I don't like bugs that can fly. It doesn't really matter what make or model. Of course the bigger the...worse. I don't like nats either, when they get by the ear.

Also, I just got into a discussion about whether or not computers have a place in aiding any legitimate art forms. I think they do, but I'm interested in getting a consensus on the topic. What do you people think?

Chestnuts roasted by Chaz @ 04/01/2006 05:21 PM EST

First time postin up but uhh I hate those lil creepy heartless from kingdom hearts. Imgaine one of those things creepin up on you while you takin a crap!

Chestnuts roasted by Sense @ 04/01/2006 05:48 PM EST

Definitely bees. I freak out and lock up whenever there are any nearby. One time i made my girlfriend protect me from the evil bees.

I am such a wuss.

Chestnuts roasted by Gooble74 @ 04/01/2006 06:04 PM EST

Chaz, I don't see why they wouldn't have a place. Although I guess it would depend on what art forms you consider to be legitimate.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 04/01/2006 06:18 PM EST

Indeed, the E! ticker has been frequently informing me about the 25 second Simpson's trailer before Ice Age. Considering the movie isn't out until next summer I think I can hold out until the trailer hits the web.
Arrested Development should do a movie (since the Showtime deal fell through). That would make more sense to me than a Simpsons feature. I mean, I grew up on the Simpsons but I just don't see the point.
Chaz, I respectfully suggest that your debating partners are tripping. Computers are already a part of art (what do you mean by "legitimate"?). Were you arguing with a bunch of frustrated art majors or what?
Do all you bee phobics know wasps hurt way more? That's been my experience anyway...I have a lifetime aversion to snails and slugs myself but I'm not particularly frightened of them. Ooh, those Amazonian ants that can rip apart flesh and take down small animals are pretty scary though.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/01/2006 06:24 PM EST

Since this seems to refer to an INDIVIDUAL animal rather than a species, I'd have to say... The Axe Monkey.

Chestnuts roasted by DocDragon @ 04/01/2006 06:34 PM EST

Japanese Death Hornet.

::shivers::

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 04/01/2006 07:04 PM EST

Basking sharks. Seriously. I know they're harmless, that they filter feed krill, but ohmahGAWD do those gaping maws scare the PEE outta me. I imagine getting caught in one of their mouths and being unable to get out of it. UUURGH.

Chestnuts roasted by LemonWitch @ 04/01/2006 07:13 PM EST

I'll crawl around on all fours in a skirt to smash a cockroach with a shoe, but I run like a wee child when I am within visual distance of a wasp, bee, hornet, yellow jacket, etc. Those little f*ckers are evil in its purest form. Evil.

Chestnuts roasted by earthwormgoddess @ 04/01/2006 07:26 PM EST

oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure I'd be scared of those nasty slug things from Slither if I ever came face-to-face with one. If you haven't seen it yet, go. You are in for a treat!

Chestnuts roasted by earthwormgoddess @ 04/01/2006 07:28 PM EST

mice alway give me the worst mini shock. I have no sword of omens so I'm not all seeing and those little critters come flying out from under some appliance or the like ewww. As far as what animal scares me the most it is a skunk. I've never been sprayed but it seems like it would really really suck.

Chestnuts roasted by mrjayberry @ 04/01/2006 07:47 PM EST

Bees can only sting you once; wasps on the other hand can sting you to their darling little hearts content. I remember in 4th or 5th grade some wasps had nested in a play ground structure and I and my class mates declared a Jihad. My way to kill the little buggers would be to nock them out of the sky with a fistful of sand and then grab them between my thumb and fore finger and crush them. I killed quit a few of them that way but one got away.

I thought that I had crushed em' but she still had a little fight in her. She flew onto the back of my neck and stung me a few times. I didn't really feel it but when I got home I was puffy and bright red. So yeah, I’m allergic.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 04/01/2006 07:49 PM EST

Paul Walker

Chestnuts roasted by dooku @ 04/01/2006 08:07 PM EST

Hawaii has some pretty frightening creatures, and not (only) the 400-pound Somoans

Centipedes and cockroaches are like 4 times larger there than anywhere else

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 04/01/2006 08:08 PM EST

Rats. I hate rats. Rats drive me crazy. I was crazy once, I lived in a little white room. But that's life. "Life" is a magazine. It costs a dollar ninety-five. But I only have ten cents... Rats.

Rats? I hate rats. Rats drive me crazy. I was crazy once, I lived in a little white room. But that's life. "Life" is a magazine. It costs a dollar ninety-five. But I only have ten cents... Rats.

Did you say rats? I hate rats. Rats drive me crazy. I was crazy once, I lived in a little white room. But that's life. "Life" is a magazine. It costs a dollar ninety-five. But I only have ten cents... Rats...

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Boligarky @ 04/01/2006 08:19 PM EST

Mice and snakes carry the same weight for me. I could easily crush them if they came near me, but I'm far too busy running away like a big pussy covered in vaginas.

Chestnuts roasted by Mattman @ 04/01/2006 08:34 PM EST

Rodents have never bothered me on a superficial level. Snakes are capable of scaring the shit out of me, but the fear isn't acute.

Bugs. Bugs are what do it to me. If I had to pick one right now, I'd go with the crazy ass giant centipedes. My worst animal fear is formally spiders, but I've seen enough videos of centipedes eating cars on Youtube to realize that, if given the choice, I'd put five tarantulas in a mouth before one centipede. Bastard bugs.

Sharks have kept me out of the ocean for over almost two decades, even though I love sharks to death.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/01/2006 08:40 PM EST

To tell the truth, I love all animals, just as long as they stay the hell away from my Pear of Anguish. Look that one up in Wikipedia. I dare you.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 04/01/2006 08:41 PM EST

If spiders count as an animal, DEFINITELY spiders...I have nightmared about tornados (my other phobia) made of spiders...

If spiders don't count as an animal, I'd have to say pit bulls. I'm not afraid of rottweilers or any other dogs, but if I walk past someone walking a pit bull on the street, I am filled with terror. I know that not all pits are bad, and that it's the owners, not the dogs, etc, but I can't help it. I think it's that fucking massive forehead.

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 04/01/2006 09:18 PM EST

Pink elephants. I think it was that whole Dumbo thing that did it to me.

Rodents don't bother me, I actually love rats and used to have a fuckton of gerbils. They all got diseased and ate each other. Spread through all 3 cages somehow. I miss my hamster, she was the coolest hamster ever.

Spiders I could probably do without... I wouldn't want to touch one, but I'm not jumping up in my chair just because one crawls by. My one older brother is terrified of bugs, which is especially hilarious as he's like 6'7" and pretty damn big. This one time he accidently touched a stink bug and started screaming like a little girl. I was in stitches laughing.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 04/01/2006 09:44 PM EST

Giant Fucking Centipedes.

DP, the Pear of Anguish - got one word:

Ouch.

Medieval torture was a bitch.

Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 04/01/2006 10:05 PM EST

I'm on the bug train. The crawly ones have too many legs and the flying ones are too creepy and buzzy and stingy. I exempt butterflies, because they are pretty, ladybugs because they are ladybugs, and dragonflies because they eat mosquitos.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 04/01/2006 10:21 PM EST

I was going to say that birds are my scariest animal. I don't know why, they just freak me out. And I have never even seen the movie "Birds". However, Mystie's mention of pink elephants just brought back floods of horrible memories. So, I guess pink elephants are my scariest animal, except they are not actually an actual animal, just a cartoon.

Chestnuts roasted by LuLu @ 04/01/2006 10:24 PM EST

*blinks* ... *blinks*...oh wait, I get it.

Chestnuts roasted by King Peter @ 04/01/2006 10:38 PM EST

Yeah, I'm absolutely terrified of bugs. There are these bugs that seem to have swarmed over my neck of the woods, here in MD, and they are known as Stinkbugs here. Well, this past summer it was horrendous, and they are starting to pop up more now that it's warming up. They are totally disgusting.

Also, I completely freak out whenever I see one of those millipede looking things... I dunno what they are called, but they aren't really like a centipede. Their bodies are way more fragile and they have about 10000000 hairy little legs. Jesus Christ I'm itching just thinking about them!

As far as regular animals go, not sure if they really scare me. Crawly things of the sea freak me out too. Crabs, lobsters, the shrimp-like things on these little icons... stuff like that.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 04/01/2006 11:22 PM EST

Tarantulas. For sure man. Freaking Spiders. GAHHH!

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws Cole @ 04/01/2006 11:31 PM EST

Right now it's squirrels. I ran over one with my car today. I'm an animal lover and as much as some people view squirrels as tree rats it breaks my heart that i killed one.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike the Great @ 04/01/2006 11:58 PM EST

Single animal? Hmm, that's tough. I'd probably have to go with Bees, Wasps, or Hornets. I'm calling that group a single animal because they A)fly B)Sting things. I'm mortally afraid of getting stung, even though I don't think I'm allergic.

If we're including extinct animals, though, I'd say 'raptors. Scared the crap out of me when I saw JP.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 04/02/2006 01:15 AM EST

When I was in high school my dad got a wolf for a dog. As soon as that thing was full grown I'd do anything to stay away from it. It might not be my biggest animal fear, but since we only get to pick one, I'll go with it.
Did anyone pull off any good pranks today? I mean other than this fake thread.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 04/02/2006 01:23 AM EST

I must be afraid of spiders because every so often I'll have nightmares about really hideous ones. And I mean hideous...there was one that had tentacles....

Did this site do anything for April Fools' Day? I might be expecting too much, but just about every other site has pulled a prank (mine has not, though...)

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 04/02/2006 01:31 AM EST

MR. T CARTOON ON CARTOON NETWORK RIGHT NOW!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 04/02/2006 01:32 AM EST

whoa

that girl just stretched like 15 feet to rescue that chick hanging off the tower

Chestnuts roasted by hiflex @ 04/02/2006 01:43 AM EST

Does Bigfoot count as an animal? 'cause he scared the crap out of me as a kid, ever since one episode of Unsolved Mysteries.
Remember when Unsolved Mysteries was about UFOs and Sasquatches and Chupacabres and all kinds of cool stuff? When did it switch to being just about missing people and stuff?

Chestnuts roasted by Ronald MacKinnon @ 04/02/2006 01:49 AM EST

stop!!! collaborate and LISTEN!!

Chestnuts roasted by akatzing @ 04/02/2006 01:52 AM EST

Cartoon Network just topped itself. I'm not even on the Chuck bandwagon, but this is funny.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 04/02/2006 03:02 AM EST

Has anyone said hypno toad yet?

Chestnuts roasted by Diarrhea Dave @ 04/02/2006 03:03 AM EST

Penguins

Chestnuts roasted by Sense @ 04/02/2006 04:27 AM EST

Fish. Or any non-mammalian sea creature for that matter. I blame my father for bringing me back books from the coast (when he went scuba diving) with pictures of lantern fish and eels saying “Hey kid, these things are real!” and my five-year-old brain reasoned that creepy moray could potentially come up through the toilet and bite me in the ass.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 04/02/2006 06:47 AM EST

One year ago today, at midnight, I got approximately 20 clone troopers with quick draw action, four red guards, 2 gunship’s, 2 Arc 170's, 2 R2-D2's, and an At-Rt.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 04/02/2006 08:54 AM EST

Darth Poop: At that very same time, I got frustrated that I couldn't find any red guards and I quit collecting for almost a year. Whee.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 04/02/2006 09:08 AM EST

Butterflies. Butterflies have always creeped me out. Seriosly. They're hideous.

Chestnuts roasted by dudefromfinland @ 04/02/2006 10:36 AM EST

I gotta go with wasps too. You can't trust the little fuckers, can't tell where they're going. I don't like that weird hovering shit.

Chestnuts roasted by lugnut @ 04/02/2006 11:03 AM EST

The animal I am most afraid of is whichever one is responsible for my internet being out for the last three days. Sure, there's plenty of things out there that can sting, bite, scratch, envenom, blind, or disembowel you, but that's nothing in comparison to the contemplation of a world without broadband.

Now, in the unlikely event that my internet woes are not attributable to some malicious, unknown, animal, I'm gonna have to change my answer to this guy.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 04/02/2006 11:49 AM EST

Speaking of April Fools Day, did anyone catch the Mr. T cartoon marathon on Boomerang yesterday (april 1st)? I pity the fool who didn't.

Chestnuts roasted by Destro @ 04/02/2006 12:38 PM EST

SPIDERS

Chestnuts roasted by rimmie @ 04/02/2006 01:06 PM EST

Yetis.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 04/02/2006 01:11 PM EST

I'm pretty afraid of Chupacabras.

They found a dead one on the road a little south of here. Well, so they say. No one was really sure WHAT it was, but for all we know it was a chupacabra scout that was the forerunner to the invasion.

Chestnuts roasted by The Wukong Effect @ 04/02/2006 02:27 PM EST

I'm not deathly afraid of cats or anything, but I do keep my distance from the evil little claws and the random chasing your feet and the scary howling when in heat, baaah I don't like cats.

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 04/02/2006 02:56 PM EST

Hippos. Those guys are jerks.

Chestnuts roasted by Somethin' Funny @ 04/02/2006 03:44 PM EST

Mmmm.... Jerk Hippo.... Sounds a little chewy, but basically delicious.

Chestnuts roasted by Rhino @ 04/02/2006 03:49 PM EST

Velocaraptors. After Jurassic Park, I can't close a door alone without thinking of a raptor sticking his head through the crack trying to chomp me. Agh!

Chestnuts roasted by Barry Harmon @ 04/02/2006 04:18 PM EST

I considered putting my vote in for hippos...kill more people every year than Nile crocs, you know. But I don't run a huge risk of running into any on a day to day basis so they are only so threatening.
Big Sopranos tonight...hopefully Big Love will be interesting enough to pick up a few viewers as well. I don't know how many more HBO shows I can stand being cancelled early for low ratings. Though I'd happily trade 10 seasons of Big Love for just one more of Rome.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/02/2006 04:20 PM EST

My vote goes to the Dungbeetle. Any creature with the BALLS, the MOXIE to ROLL A GIANT ELEPHANT TURD 100's of miles and then LIVE in it. Thats a bug with an Attitude. and one not to mess with!

Chestnuts roasted by Xenophobe @ 04/02/2006 05:01 PM EST

im typing this from my xbox at the rate of one word per hour. also the site barely works. worse than that last hotel review.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 04/02/2006 05:52 PM EST

Yeah I'm afraid of spiders because they all look like fiddlebacks to me. Yuck. If snowmen were animals I'd probably be afraid of them, too.

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 04/02/2006 06:37 PM EST

I changed my mind. I hate silver fish, the little creepy bugs that are in the corner of the room when it's humid ouside.
I also hate Monday, even though it hasn't happened yet.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 04/02/2006 08:47 PM EST

I hate roaches and rats, well, everyone at my house are afraid of them, specially my sister.

Argh!!

But I love Oggy and the Cookroaches cartoon

Chestnuts roasted by Yelinna @ 04/02/2006 09:11 PM EST

SILVERFISH... oh my god, with their antennae and creepy whiskery tail things and the way they're always appearing on the wall right next to you... I'm creeped out even thinking about it. Also I can't under any circumstances watch grasshoppers/crickets eating anything on TV or in real life.

I have to avoid cats because of a very severe allergy. I get the skin rash, stuffy nose, swollen throat and all, but if I get even a hint of cat dander on my face, the whites of my eyeballs will swell up out of my eyelids. So cats are the only animals I flee from or kick spastically.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 04/02/2006 10:03 PM EST

Reminds me of a song I haven't heard in years.

I don't like spiders and snakes
And that ain't what it takes to love me...

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/03/2006 11:55 AM EST

Oh shit. I forgot to mention clowns. The very psychology behind putting on a ridiculously and unrealistically happy facade is just creepy.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 04/04/2006 02:25 AM EST

I don't really know an animal that I'm incredibly scared of, but I'd have to say bees/wasps/hornets/stingy things. One time I was playing Goldeneye on my N64 and I sat on a hornet and got stung on my thigh. That hurt like crazy. Also, I fucking fucking fucking hate bugs. I get called a pussy by my girlfriend because of it. I'll kill ants and spiders, but I'll complain. Anything bigger or grosser I won't. One time I found a grasshopper in my hair while watching CSI. Don't ask me how it got there, I haven't a damn clue. Mosquitos bug the hell out of me, because they bite me so much in the summer. My usual summer day filled with itching. ITCHING!

Chestnuts roasted by Tom No Like @ 04/05/2006 05:23 PM EST

Ok, I get teased for this all the time. The animal I'm most afraid of is a rooster. My grandfather raised chickens, and his roosters used to always attack me. I still have a scar on my leg from the rooser known as "Freddy!" Snakes and spiders I do ok with as long as they are not poisonous and as long as they don't touch me. Stinging insects make me nervous, but we don't get a lot of them here in the desert.

Oh, and Nate, clowns aren't so evil. My mom is one, and she really is that happy almost all of the time. Most of the clowns I've met through her are very happy people.

Chestnuts roasted by Kieran Alexis @ 04/09/2006 02:41 AM EST

Moths. Moths are sick.

Ever since I went camping as a kid, and the campsite bathroom had a dead one with all this yellow shit coming out of it. Ewwwwwwwwwwkhdjshfsdsd.

And they flutter. "Jesus H. Christ" - In the words of Quint in Jaws.

I'm scared of sharks too, on that note.

Chestnuts roasted by KevStewart @ 04/10/2006 09:15 PM EST

All right, time to top all the insect posts. My perfectly understandable phobia is SpeedRoaches.

I used to live in Miami but luckily got out of there a year ago. They breed a special variety of cockroaches that otherwise you're not going to find outside of a Discovery Channel documentary. These things were a good 3-4 inches long, which doesn't sound like much until you look at a ruler. For a bug, that's pretty massive, and they complemented it with terrible waving antenna of twice their own length. That's bad enough right there, but the kicker is that they're blindingly fast, so if you try to flatten one, it will almost certainly dodge and then crawl right up your leg with ease. That alone makes the sting of a wasp seem like a mother's kiss in comparison.

Chestnuts roasted by MDV @ 04/20/2006 11:54 AM EST