10/24/2005 Entry: "peep."

Peep, peep peep peep. Peep, peep peep. Peep peep peep peep peep peep, peepy peepy peep, peeps, peep peep peep. Peep, peep peep PEEP peep peep peep PEEP peep peep. Peeb? Peep peep peep? Peep. Peep peep peep peepin'.

Peep peep peep, peep peep peep. Peep? Peepy.
Peep peep.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/24/2005 09:05 PM EST

Yes, they are bigger -- about twice as big. And bulky!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/24/2005 09:06 PM EST

Huzzah! Hail to the peepsmakers, and hail to Matt for letting us in on the good word.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/24/2005 09:09 PM EST

I did actually see these back in the beginning of the season, though I forget where. I've also seen the ghost and Pumpkin Peeps, and I actually found Peeps Bean Bag toys at Super Fresh (there are also pillow-like Peeps in lycra). The only Peeps I haven't seen yet are the darn Cocoa Cats...my favorite Halloween Peeps, of course. My favorite Peeps overall are those wonderful Gingerbread Peeps at Christmas that are, of course, also hard to find.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 10/24/2005 09:21 PM EST

Matt- This peep article is comedic genius. Starting off with the word fucking and ending with what ever it ended with, pure genius.
I never liked peeps. The sugar coating was great but the rest, ick. Peace out my peeps. Rodian Rodeo :o

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 10/24/2005 09:28 PM EST

They should make spooky Peeps that glow under black light

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 10/24/2005 09:33 PM EST

I got some Cocoa Bats around the time of Matt's article featuring them and haven't seen them since. In fact, the store I bought them from never had any more again, leading me to believe that they were discontinued before I bought them and I had bought year-old Cocoa Bats. Meh. You can't tell the difference with Peeps anyway.

REGARDLESS, they were delicious like no other Peep I've had, and now they're gone. I have tried to find them elsewhere to no avail. For shame, JustBorn. For shame.

Chestnuts roasted by Jack of Spades @ 10/24/2005 09:46 PM EST

The Cocoa Bats were definitely above the norm for Peepsville.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/24/2005 09:48 PM EST

I remember my mom always keeping the extra Cake Mate from anything to put in first aid kits for diabetic emergencies. I was always a deprived child when it came to Cake Mate... But it is a really good idea just in case (put it behind their lower lip is what my instructor always said)

Chestnuts roasted by Phil @ 10/24/2005 09:53 PM EST

I don't know if the world is ready for a cyclops peep.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 10/24/2005 09:54 PM EST

Matt, I think you did such a great job painting those Peeps pumpkins!!!
I think you should have an art contest and have everybody send in pictures of their decorated Peeps pumpkins. Except that would not be fair to the people to can't find them. Ok, nevermind. Anyways, you're awesome!! I haven't celebrated Halloween since I was a wee child (it being the devil's holiday and all), but you have made this Halloween the most exciting one ever. I've been in the Halloween spirit since the countdown started, and bought Twix with glow in the dark wrappers, and Holiday Jones Soda, and all that. Thanks, Matt.

And please forgive me that I am listening to Christmas music right now!!

Chestnuts roasted by LuLu @ 10/24/2005 09:59 PM EST

Awesome, now if I could only get home before 10 I could make it to Key Food and buy some

Chestnuts roasted by B-log @ 10/24/2005 10:14 PM EST

After over two years, I still haven't found the Cocoa Bats.

Chestnuts roasted by Ralph @ 10/24/2005 10:19 PM EST

Peeps. I've always distrusted them. My across-the-hall girlfriends in undergrad would get huge care packages full of Peeps around Easter (or whenever their thrifty mothers could find them at the Dollar Store; they'd eat that shit stale, no problem.)

What followed was often a full-on week of Sugar Frenzy. Peeps and Donald Duck grapefruit juice for breakfast. A quick Peep-me-up before lunch. Pop a few Peeps before clubbing on Friday night. Before anyone knew it, they were skipping class to lick sugar and sticky yellow marshmallows off their fingers.

They became raging Peep-a-holics.

I guess it's like any drug. I tried them once and knew Peeps weren't my thing (unlike a few other things not found readily in the Dollar Store, but rather in the alleyway behind it...which were more to my taste)*. These girls, though, just plowed through those boxes like they were dime bags.

Tch. So sad.

*Lest I lead our more tender readers astray, I must confess I've never actually been in a Dollar Store alleyway. Doesn't the graduate lounge of a university English Department count, though?

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/24/2005 10:32 PM EST

Not fantabulous, but scrumptrulescent!

Chestnuts roasted by jackie @ 10/24/2005 11:04 PM EST

This may sound sacrilegious at this site, but I'm not big on eating peeps. I like the way they look and feel in the package, and the way they grow really big in the microwave until finally they become too big and implode into sugary marshmellowness. Thats when they're tastiest. Or when they get stale. Old or melted. Mmm hmm.

Chestnuts roasted by Mattman @ 10/24/2005 11:14 PM EST

Hm. Adding to Mattman's melty Peeps fetish, has anyone ever roasted Peeps, à la s'mores?

Burn, bunny, burn!

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/24/2005 11:38 PM EST

Lisa Marie:

As an English Major, I would say that yes, the Graduate Lounge of any English Deptartment would count rather nicely.

And Matt, I have to disagree with you about Pumpkins. I keep them until at least Thanksgiving...sometimes a few days after that...

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 10/24/2005 11:42 PM EST

Not to long ago, Crayola has started puting out a cake decorating kit. Haven't spotted it yet but I've seen coupons for it.

I Love the 80s 3D starts on VH1 tonight. I love those things.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 10/24/2005 11:44 PM EST

Does anyone else ever play "evil farmer" with Peeps, where you populate an imaginary farm with little peeps, and then you go berserk and eat them?

Chestnuts roasted by The Wukong Effect @ 10/24/2005 11:49 PM EST

I for one, after reading all these X-E Tales of Peepish Whimsy(tm), I thought I would love them.

One bite into one last easter (2005) and I was dead wrong. It was the most godawful, dry, sugary thing I've ever tasted. I was scraping off the "Peep Skin" off my lips for a few days after that.

And like I said last blog, why am I thinking about Easter when It's not even Halloween?!

umm...ALL HAIL FRANKENBERRY!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 10/24/2005 11:49 PM EST

JLAJRC -- Did you pick up 3D glasses from Best Buy? Or did you already have some hanging out in your nightstand?

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/24/2005 11:52 PM EST

Invader Norbert--don't worry. Start worrying once you start thinking about Columbus Day before Halloween even arrives.

It IS okay, however, to start thinking about NEXT Halloween immediately after the clock strikes 12:01 a.m. on November 1.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/24/2005 11:56 PM EST

Hahaha "Soon they'll slip off the Q radar and get all scandalous-on-purpose. Lousy Peeps." That shiz is hilarious.
Pumpkin Jason is totally adorable, and so is the Jack-O. Are we all allowed to start using "bonusly bitching" now?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 10/24/2005 11:57 PM EST

Cameron T. -- *wink*

And mtrox -- yeah, so long as you survive the night, might as well start planning next year.

I forgot to mention that I saw a Drac poster the other day on the counter at my local mechanic (who can't seem to stock state inspection tags when I need them, but that's another story). The poster had a huge Drac on it, and the advertisement was for, you guessed it, shocks. (I think.) Anyway, it was some promotional "buy something, enter to win something" deal. But that Drac was awesome. And I think it's cool as shit that auto parts folk celebrate the Undead in their advertising campaigns.

I've got to get some sleep, but "I Sit On Acid -- Stript Version" (Lords of Acid) just popped up in the spin of things. There's no way I'm sleeping now.

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 12:07 AM EST

Invader Norbert--don't worry. Start worrying once you start thinking about Columbus Day before Halloween even arrives.

Well, duh I thought about Columbus day...it was only 2 weeks ago.

And Holy Crap, I forgot about I Love The 80s 3-D!! Weird Al is supposed to be in this one too!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 10/25/2005 12:38 AM EST

Lisa Marie, Cameron, I think we need X-E English Major club tshirts.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 10/25/2005 03:21 AM EST

The clock on the blog makes me look like an insomniac. It's only 1:21 here, not 3:21.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 10/25/2005 03:22 AM EST

Aggh, I can't take it anymore!!!

Pepsi Holiday Spice, seeing Episode III late, Jones Thanksgiving Soda, Jones Halloween Soda, Mountain Dew Pitch Black I and II, Halloween Kid Cuisine, and now Halloween Decorating Peeps.

Sigh yet another thing I miss out on by being in Godforsaken Germany.

C'mon Astros. If you don't win the World Series, I'll die. Or vote Democrat. Or move back to Texas.

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Chestnuts roasted by Erik Majorwitz @ 10/25/2005 06:16 AM EST

You know, I really shouldn't be surprised that there are so many other english majors reading XE. Perhaps someday we can all work at the same fast-food joint, and scam Happy Meals toys for the sake of new articles.
My favorite thing to do with Peeps is to microwave a yellow chick with a blue bunny scrunched really close together on the same plate. It quickly turns into a two-colored, dual species gooey bubbling CRIME AGAINST NATURE.
Much like the Hungry Man breakfast.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 10/25/2005 07:24 AM EST

I prefer my Peeps hard and stale (but frozen will do in a pinch).

That Hungry Man breakfast looks amazing, but I'm the kind of guy who revels in things that are downright awful for you.

And I'm also an English major.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/25/2005 07:48 AM EST

the ONLY way to eat peeps is stale. open the pack as soon as you get them, wait a week, and dig in!

Chestnuts roasted by bitchpants @ 10/25/2005 08:28 AM EST

Lisa Marie, I've got a pair of 3D glasses kicking around my bedroom at my parents' house. Not cardboard ones, either... all plastic, and aviator-style shape. They're hideous, but they're permanant

Chestnuts roasted by Vegan Mike @ 10/25/2005 08:52 AM EST

My 3-D glasses came from the back of a box of Fruit by the Foot.
The really tragic bit is that I had a pair that I got from the British Museum's mummy exhibit. They were made to look like the eyes from King Tut's deathmask. Unfortunately, I forgot to get a souvenir for one of my friends who is a fan of both mummies and 3-D movies, and so I ended up giving them to her.
And that is the story of my lost mummy 3-D glasses. Admit it, your lives have changed for the better merely by reading it.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 10/25/2005 09:10 AM EST

Having eaten an entire box of regular pumpkin peeps yesterday, this article kind of grossed me out. In a good way.

I too, was an English major. Graduated in 2003.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 10/25/2005 09:18 AM EST

Crikey.

I really need to get off the X-E blog and update my own wee wordspace.

Or work. Yeah, my boss would like that, considering I'm leaving two days after I get off Halloween vacation for a meeting in San Jose.

Meh.

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 09:36 AM EST

"Bonusly Bitching", I like the sound of that. It sounds so 80's.

Awesome article, it was "Bonusly Bitching" . I laughed the whole way through. Thanks Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Texican @ 10/25/2005 09:38 AM EST

People like looking at pumpkins in November, just not jack-o'lanters. I try to wipe my slate completely clean for the Christmas season after Halloween though, so no pumpkins for me.

If this were the '80s, that Jason Peep would totally get mass-produced.

Chestnuts roasted by Monte @ 10/25/2005 10:12 AM EST

You know who loves Peeps? (Of course not.) My dad. He got like a little kid every spring when they started showing up (you know, back in the day before Peeps started peeping into other holidays.) I think he enjoyed them all the more because my mom hated them and it was one of the few treats he could keep all to himself without her constantly trying to score some from him. It's the little things.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 10/25/2005 10:13 AM EST

The peep at the top of this page looks a bit like garfield. I still haven't found the cocoa bats, but I want to.
Is it OKAY to say, CHRISTMAS IS ONLY 2 MONTHS FROM TODAY. I didn't mean for that all to rhyme, but I am not going to try and retype it so it doesn't.
MATT- are you going to do a Christmas Jukebox? I know the songlist could be endless, but you could keep it to older childrens TV special Christmas songs. I am way jumping the gun I know. It'd like 29 degrees outside here and all frosty, can you blame me?

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 10/25/2005 10:45 AM EST

The Christmas Jukebox from last year is still available, but it will be tweaked with new songs for the 2005 season.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/25/2005 10:48 AM EST

Wow... a Peeps cake would kick all sorts of ass...

Chestnuts roasted by CannedPasta @ 10/25/2005 10:49 AM EST

I think I've tried Peeps once in my life. Those things are gross. I know I'll probably be banned from the blog for saying that, but I still can't go to my Aunt's apartment and not think about those things....

Oh, and I hate pumpkin anything also...I'm so not into Halloween....

Chestnuts roasted by Galvatron @ 10/25/2005 11:03 AM EST

kb --

Yes, blame. Blame is all we have for you. Blame blame blame.

(Pass the cocoa and gingersnaps, won't you? Quietly, please -- the "Chocolate," "Coffee," and "Tea" movements of The Nutcracker Suite are playing. *wink*)

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 11:06 AM EST

Galvatron--I know this was not your intention, seeing as how you mentioned hating both things, but I had a thought.

Pumpkin flavored Peeps! It would be a worthwhile expansion into Thanksgiving for the Peepsters, and they could also do normal-flavored peeps in the shape of turkeys and pilgrim-hats.

Oh man, I am going to be a billionaire.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/25/2005 11:21 AM EST

Peeps cake? Buy two of the kits, spread the icing on one pumpkin, stack one on top, icing on that, stack, icing, stack, decorate. Then try to eat it in one bite.
Just because I have to limit my sugar, doesn't mean I can't still think of new ways to reach a sugar rush.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/25/2005 11:37 AM EST

mtrox,

What fabu ideas! I'd already thought a marshmallow baby Jesus would be groovy around Christmas-time. A bit...erm...tasteless, perhaps, but groovy.

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 11:41 AM EST

Hey Invader Norbert - did you ever find Frankenberry cereal? I was at Target yesterday and they had tons of 'em. If you can't find it near you, I can pick up a box and send it to you. Let me know!

Chestnuts roasted by Scott @ 10/25/2005 11:46 AM EST

Hey Invader Norbert - did you ever find Frankenberry cereal? I was at Target yesterday and they had tons of 'em. If you can't find it near you, I can pick up a box and send it to you. Let me know!

Speak of the devil. No, unfortunately I haven't. And believe me, I've looked EVERYWHERE (in resonable driving distance from my house). If you actually DO do (heheheh) that, email me at Norbert5ca@aol.com for shipping location. (please no Spam)

If this goes through...umm...I'll name something after you, Scott.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 10/25/2005 12:00 PM EST

I think the successful delivery of Frankenberry warrants the naming of a first-born child.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/25/2005 12:07 PM EST

I think the successful delivery of Frankenberry warrants the naming of a first-born child. Ghosted by mtrox

At the very least, of a hearty sea-monkey or hamster.

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 12:27 PM EST

i know engrish, me speak well, i am a major

Chestnuts roasted by abdul perez chang @ 10/25/2005 12:39 PM EST

Didn't pick up a pair of 3D glasses, but still enjoying the show.

I'm not a peep fan myself, but I would like to try the cocoa ones if I can find them.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 10/25/2005 12:39 PM EST

mtrox - I know this was not your intention, but now, I feel sick...

=P

Actually, the only thing that would make that worse is adding pickles to it...

Baby Jesus peeps...awesome...except, which part would you start with? the top or the bottom? Wow, either way, it's pretty sacrilegious...

They can even make new Easter Peeps, and use tiny chocolate sprinkles to resemble the Thorned Crown....

Yup, definately going to hell am I....

Chestnuts roasted by Galvatron @ 10/25/2005 12:41 PM EST

i feel like i know u regular posters, matt there needs to be a x-e chatline, that would kick ass

i love u guys

Chestnuts roasted by pumpkin face @ 10/25/2005 12:42 PM EST

Cake and hell are "bonusly bitching".

P.S. I will be watching The Great Pumpkin, tonight on ABC.

P.P.S. ...as I stroke my 10 inch dick.

Chestnuts roasted by The Hedgehog @ 10/25/2005 12:49 PM EST

there needs to be a x-e chatline

No, no, no! You want I should get fired?!

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 12:50 PM EST

For those of you lucky enough to be anywhere near Boston...The Star Wars display...Click my name

Chestnuts roasted by bad karma @ 10/25/2005 01:06 PM EST

Another English Major right here. Representin' yo.

Chestnuts roasted by The Wukong Effect @ 10/25/2005 01:07 PM EST

baby Jesus peeps?

mmm... sacrilicious!

Chestnuts roasted by bitchpants @ 10/25/2005 01:27 PM EST

Baby Jesus peeps...awesome...except, which part would you start with? the top or the bottom? Wow, either way, it's pretty sacrilegious...

Mmm...Sacrilicious...

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 10/25/2005 01:27 PM EST

We are one step closer to an X-E movie:
FOODFIGHT!

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 10/25/2005 02:19 PM EST

Forgot the goofy official site:
http://www.foodfight.com/

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 10/25/2005 02:23 PM EST

I don't generally enjoy Peeps as much as I used to, but those look pretty damn tempting. The artistically-challenged artist in me is screaming to try these. Maybe I'll listen to it this year--it is the same artist who wants to paint pumpkins every year, but never quite gets around to it. I said it last year, and my work schedule got the best of me. I said it this year, but I'm not working right now, so I have no excuse--it just never happened.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/25/2005 03:29 PM EST

I Love the 80s rocked last night--particularly the segments about "An American Werewolf in London" and "The Jazz Singer." David Naughton was in "American Werewolf," and I can proudly say that I can score well over 200,000 points to "Makin' It" on my dance mat. I loved Hal Sparks singing "America" with the guitar. How goofy was that?

My birth year (1982) is tonight!

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/25/2005 03:34 PM EST

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is on ABC tonight @ 8/7c.

Chestnuts roasted by Maggie @ 10/25/2005 03:39 PM EST

i have a 11" hedgehog and i also like to stroke it

Chestnuts roasted by sonic @ 10/25/2005 03:41 PM EST

"Sacrilicious"...they could put that on the outside of the box!! That shit would sell like hotcakes!

Bonusly bitching!!

P.S. Everyone does know it's the NES' 20th birthday this week, right? Considering the age bracker most of us are in, and the idea of this site, you guys might want to do something to celebrate. If not, 1up.com is doing a pretty cool feature about it....

Chestnuts roasted by Galvatron @ 10/25/2005 03:43 PM EST

All this talk of stroking is getting me hot and bothered! Oh yeah...

I love my peeps stale, mmmmm...biting into that hard outer sugary crust...

Chestnuts roasted by jackie @ 10/25/2005 03:54 PM EST

Hey Matt,

How about putting some off South Park's xmas songs on the jukebox?

Chestnuts roasted by Jackie @ 10/25/2005 03:59 PM EST

*of

Chestnuts roasted by Jackie @ 10/25/2005 04:00 PM EST

Sacrilicious
Homer's description of his act of eating a waffle that Bart threw on the ceiling, which he was praying to as if it were God. A portmanteau of sacrilegious and delicious.

Simpsons Neologisms

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 04:15 PM EST

I just saw this on Fark:
Where's 'Calvin and Hobbes' creator?

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 10/25/2005 04:19 PM EST

For those who are itching for something Christmassy but don't want to feel guilty about jumping the gun before Halloween, I give you...The Gingerdead Man!

http://tinyurl.com/dofss

Chestnuts roasted by Monte @ 10/25/2005 04:21 PM EST

I passed on the paint-a-Peep thing at the grocery store a few weeks ago and now I'm regretting it. I got the chocolate-filled pumpkin-shaped Peeps instead - very delicious, but I probably shouldn't have eaten the whole package in one sitting. Maybe I'll make this week's goal to hunt for those Cocoa Bats that everyone keeps talking about too....

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 10/25/2005 04:42 PM EST

It snowed here today. Yes, snow, the official welcome wagon of the Christmas season.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 10/25/2005 04:47 PM EST

Oh my god, Monte! The trailer for that movie is un-frigging-believable. Really. As in ludicrous. And riotous.

I emailed the link to everyone I know and love. You da man!

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 05:12 PM EST

Sacrilicious? Sounds tasty.

Here's another good word--I picked this one up from "SNL."

SCRUMTRALESCENT.

It came from a parody of "Inside the Actor's Studio," and Will Ferrell, playing wonderfully delightful host James Lipton, can't think of a word for Charles Nelson Reilly's (host Alec Baldwin) performance in "A Troll in Central Park," so he makes up a word--scrumtralescent.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/25/2005 05:15 PM EST

Sacrilicious? Sounds tasty.

Here's another good word--I picked this one up from "SNL."

SCRUMTRALESCENT.

It came from a parody of "Inside the Actor's Studio," and Will Ferrell, playing wonderfully delightful host James Lipton, can't think of a word for Charles Nelson Reilly's (host Alec Baldwin) performance in "A Troll in Central Park," so he makes up a word--scrumtralescent. I thought it was funny. Could be a good new word to you use around here.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/25/2005 05:16 PM EST

Damn double post. I hit "post" before I was ready to, and stopped it, so I added another line, and hit post, and that shit happened. Oh well, disregard the first post.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/25/2005 05:17 PM EST

Peep!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/25/2005 05:21 PM EST

For good or ill, here it is. Matt can move or delete it as he sees fit. Be kind.

The Story of Jack and His Lantern
A Hallowe’en Treat For X-Entertainment
By kingklash

Part One: Jack and Satan, Together Again

Long ago, in the Old Country (distant Irish ancestor, I can say Old Country), there was a man we only know as Jack. There were many famous Jacks, the name being somewhat of a catchall term for Notorious Men. Jack-of-All-Trades, Jack the Ripper, Spring-heel Jack, Jack-in-the-Pulpit, and Jack-in-the-Box. But this Jack was a king among rouges. Con man, cut-purse, pickpocket, sneak thief, among many other categories of knavery was his stock in trade. Even though he left a trail of empty pockets and broken hearts in his wake, the true telling of his fame was based on a unique fact: On more than one occasion, he beat the Devil at his own game! Many times Old Nick, intent on gaining a clever soul, tempted our Jack with many a treasure. And many times, Jack not only gained several items of worth, but also managed to turn the tables on the Prince of Lies. Even today, when you hear the old tales of how someone managed to call out the Devil and expose his trickery, it may have been Jack who first did these things.
But, nothing’s forever, and finally the time came when Jack died. Not many came to his funeral, save fellow thieves who wanted to make sure that he wasn’t taking anything of earthly value to his grave. This wasn’t the end of his adventures, not by any stretch, any at all.
Time came to find Jack at the entrance to the Infernal Realm, as he himself expected to be. And he waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Witnessing many a soul being dragged through the walls of Hell to their Eternal Punishment, Jack wondered when his turn would come. “Sure and this is a right insult to me,” he thought. “Here I am, where many people have told me to go, and I’m left outside the door like a jilted lover. Lucifer himself should be here, with open arms and red-hot pitchfork, seein’ as the old sod finally got me. Pride’s about the only Sin I never been accused of having in large supply, but something like this would hurt about any man’s feelings.” Drawing up his courage, he marched up to the large black obsidian doors and proceeded to kick and pound on them. “You cloven-hooved spaldeen! Bat-winged blatherskite! You pointy-eared insult to... to... all things pointy-eared! Why aren’t you letting me inside?! Let me in before I bring this whole place down on your horns, you goat-legged, thrice cursed, snake tongued....!”
From behind him, a menacing, but charming voice said, “Watch your words, you wouldn’t want to say something you couldn’t take back.”
Slowly turning around, Jack regained his composure, “You got thee behind me, Satan. Now that’s more like it. Tell me now why am I out here and not where I’m supposed to be?”
“Why? Plain and simple. I don’t want you in there. I don’t trust you in there. That is the last place I want you to be. I finally got it just the way I want it, and you are not part of my plan.”
Jack though about it for a second, “This hasn’t anything to do with my tricking you into drinking Holy Water....”
“No!”
“Or the time I sent you to that blacksmith, and he nailed you to the wall....”
“No!”
“There was that time at that pub in Dublin....”
“NO! I already said that I don’t trust you! You know what would happen if I let you in? No matter what I did to you, you would get out of it. In fact, not only would you wriggle out of any place I could put you, you would most likely be running the place in a matter of weeks! How would that look? Me, Satan, booted out of Hell because you instigated a mutiny! Hades, Anubis, Hela, and King Enma wouldn’t let me hear the end of it, I just know it!”
“Not that I don’t sympathize with losing face among one’s drinking buddies, but where does that leave me? If I can’t be where I’m supposed to be, where do I go?”
“I don’t care, just get away from me. Go to Heaven if you want, you just can’t go to Hell!” And with that, the Devil retreated into his stronghold.
“Somehow,” Jack thought as he began his long walk out, “One can’t help but feel slighted.”

Next Time: Adding Insult to Injury

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/25/2005 06:06 PM EST

Hey! Computer Geeks has gag utilities for sale!!

http://www.geeks.com/products.asp?cat=JNT

Chestnuts roasted by Cliffjumper @ 10/25/2005 06:10 PM EST

Hey Matt! Hey Everyone!

Just letting you know that after several years of absense, the classic: "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" will be coming on tonight at 8:00pm on ABC!

I've been noticing that stores and TV networks have been getting back into Halloween this year.

I wonder if the influence of popular websites like this one and I-Mockery have played a part in that.

Chestnuts roasted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 10/25/2005 06:20 PM EST

A few people have posted reminders, Tetsu...I just got rid of the cable guy installing my new video recorder, and Great Pumpkin was the first thing I marked to record

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 10/25/2005 06:24 PM EST

Yes? Yes. Yessss...... I actually found these at K-Mart a few weeks ago and, despite the fact I went there for batteries, left with a couple spoOoOoky peeps. Sitting at home in front of re-runs of King of the Hill I happily painted up my pumpmallows, turned to my girl-friend, and said, "I know I'll be seeing these on X-E later this month."
Thanks again for never dissapointing me, Matt.

-Lucky

Chestnuts roasted by RedLightBulbs has fingers. @ 10/25/2005 06:39 PM EST

The other day I found a pack of unopened Spooky Cats Peeps from last year. For some reason I just can't bring myself to throw them out...

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 10/25/2005 07:07 PM EST

DON'T THROW THEM OUT! They are probably perfect and ripe right about now.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/25/2005 07:16 PM EST

mmm...one must let the mallow mellow, so it seems.

We could almost be talking about wine here. The difference between, say a beaujolais nouveau and a nice, rich shiraz.

Hm. I'm guessing you can tell which I like best.

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 10/25/2005 08:17 PM EST

Ok, how many of you guys out there actually REMEMBERED to watch "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" tonight?

I sure did, and It was as good as it always was.

And I suddenly remembered that last year...I actually gave some kid a rock.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 10/25/2005 08:45 PM EST

lol im sure you have more then 6 readers...14 tops

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Fun @ 10/26/2005 01:54 AM EST

Peeps cake? Buy two of the kits, spread the icing on one pumpkin, stack one on top, icing on that, stack, icing, stack, decorate. Then try to eat it in one bite.
Just because I have to limit my sugar, doesn't mean I can't still think of new ways to reach a sugar rush.

Holy crap, thanks for the idea... I will now be going on a hunt for these kits, buying two of them, and making a 4 layer Peep Cake (Or Mega Peep w/Extra Sugar). As soon as I am able to do this, I will document it and then probably go completely crazy from the sugar overload. Of course, I used to eat sugar packets...

Chestnuts roasted by CannedPasta @ 10/27/2005 02:50 AM EST

I think you and I are the only ones in NJ that are part of the nationwide Lyman search initiative, and the only ones who know what the hell it means. Snagged the rare elusive coco cat peeps last weekend after strinking out last year. Now we need the Garfield in disguise petiton to bring it back started.

Chestnuts roasted by K NJ @ 10/27/2005 09:34 AM EST

I live in NJ, can I be part of the Lyman search initiative? Is it anything like finding out where Waldo is?

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/27/2005 03:03 PM EST