07/20/2005 Entry: "Beam me up, Goddy."

Couple of folks passed away this week that I've always been fond of. James Doohan of Star Trek fame, regardless of what you thought of his character, was just an awesome human being -- so gracious and giving. Through reading/seeing interviews -- particularly his words during the Trekkies documentary -- you really got the idea that he enjoyed the Trek mania and wasn't just there for the easy bucks. Secondly, Geraldine Fitzgerald. Ugh. Super sad to hear about her passing, though with a severe case of Alzheimer's, she probably wasn't taken from a life she enjoyed very much anymore. Disregarding her very esteemed career, I remember her most for two separate roles on The Golden Girls -- first as the lady Sophia convinced not to kill herself, second as the lady Rose helped smuggle onto the train. It's going to be tough to watch those episodes now. Stupid death.

Caught a few minutes of Hogan Knows Best the other night, and despite really wanting to be impressed, I wasn't. On the other hand, I did only see a few minutes of it, and making snap opinions based on that only leads to later retractions, like this one: I watched a few more episodes of Entourage, and now I love it. My bad.

Survey Says: Which is the worst way to die: Death by fire...or death by drowning? Let's make this a bit clearer. For the fire situation, say you're on the top floor of a burning building, no possible way of escape. You're going to burn to death in ten minutes or less. For the water situation, say you're stuck in some kind of mini-sub; it's crashed on the sea floor, and water is leaking in. You're going to drown in ten minutes or less.

Personally, and yes this is something I've given great thought to, I've always thought it would be less annoying to burn to death. The way I figure it, you'd be in such an incredible panic that, soon enough, you wouldn't really feel anything anymore. On the other hand, drowning would take a heck of a lot less time. Your thoughts on this pleasant subject?

Chestnuts roasted by Wyatt @ 07/20/2005 09:50 PM EST

I read a story once about a dude who mixed tiny bits of crushed glass into food and then fed it to his enemy. The subsequent pain experienced by his hapless victim was tremendous, to say the very least. The bits of glass shredded the victim's stomach and intestines from the inside out. For about a week before he finally died, the poor bastard bled out of his ass while bedridden with staggering abdominal pain the likes of which very few will ever experience. Sadistic, overwhelmingly painful, and -- most importantly -- SLOW. Now THAT'S how I wanna go!

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 07/20/2005 10:05 PM EST

the yeti- I think the story you're talking about is I Know This Much is True?

Chestnuts roasted by sam @ 07/20/2005 10:13 PM EST

sam - That might be where I read it. I read "I Know This Much is True" (a great book despite being an Oprah book-club pick) about four years ago. I remember liking it, but I can't remember many specifics about it. I think the whole crushed glass thing is kind of an urban legend also. Plus, I think some characters on "Oz" used it as a means of dispatching a fellow inmate on an early episode.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 07/20/2005 10:27 PM EST

I would go with the fire myself. There is a chance I would pass out from smoke innhalation and thus it would be a more peaceful death.

Chestnuts roasted by Ed @ 07/20/2005 10:53 PM EST

Hmm 2 posts back to back new record for me other one is in the preceding berry blue entry . I was very saddened to hear of Jimmy Doohan's passing but from what I read in the article about it he was in rather bad state with a wicked combination of Lung Fibrosis, Alzhiemers and topped off by Parkinson's Disease.

Yeti- don't feel too bad about not knowing he wasn't a legit scotsman I didn't either til I had the priveledge of meeting the man at a trek convention a few years back. Luckily I was so star struck by the experience I didn't have the presence of mind to ask where his accent went and make a total ass of myself. Also you are correct that one of the inmates of Oz died by being fed glass to be specific it was the head of the "Wise Guy" faction Schibetta don't remember his first name I wanna say it was Nino but I think that was his son.

On to the survey question which is kind of a tough call to make. I'm gonna get a bit nit picky here but bear with me. As Quark said you would prolly suffocate long before you burned to death and by the same token if you were stuck in a leaking mini sub unless it suffered a total electrical failure you'd prolly be electrocuted well before you actually drowned. Given the choice of drowning or burning under ANY conditions tho I would have to say Drowning would be worse for me since I can't swim and have had a life long fear of dying in such a manner plus I'm fairly certain I have a reservation in Hell when I die so I'll prolly have and eternity of burning to look forward to lol. I had a dream once that inspired the way I've always wanted to go 80 years old and sky diving into a packed football stadium without a chute so I could not only die by my own means but also scar a few thousand people for life

Chestnuts roasted by The Krypt Angel @ 07/20/2005 11:35 PM EST

Quark, I've thought about the lack of oxygen thing right after Matt posted the two options.

Either way, they'd both be pretty awful. But I think pleasantly passing out from CO2 would be better than water constantly flowing into my lungs.

For the record, what character did James Doohan play. I see the picture, I just can't make out who he is. I can't seem to remember those 2 Golden Girls episodes either. It's sad though that those two people had to pass.

Chestnuts roasted by The Cause @ 07/20/2005 11:37 PM EST

I'd like to be killed by the potions teacher.

Chestnuts roasted by Dumbledore @ 07/20/2005 11:44 PM EST

YETI,
Sounds like you are a potential fan of the way Pres. Garfield died....
Give me the drowning. Time to reflect, repent, and reenact GET A LIFE in the submarine episode

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 07/20/2005 11:46 PM EST

I guess I'd say drowning. I'd have Clumsy playing in my head the whole time. And yes, I can relate everything to music

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/20/2005 11:57 PM EST

See, why would you do that? I just started reading the book today and (forgive the unbecoming language) ass clowns like you think you are hilarious with your spoilers. You are not clever, you are not witty, and, worst of all, you are a coward since you use an alias.

MATT, if I may call in a favor and have you delete that post so that future readers of the latest book do not have their good time ruined by "Dumbledore's" spoilers.

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 07/21/2005 12:15 AM EST

Wow! What a sick fucking question. Uh......though I hate heat, I'd have to go with burning to death. The way I figure it if your all panic, taking deep breaths the smoke with knock you unconscience quickly. So when the flames come to burn you, you won't feel a thing.

The sub at the bottom of the sea is ultra-disturbing. Cause your conscience, that feeling of suffocation and disorientation. Gulping water instead of air.

Jeez, I'm not going to have nightmares.

Chestnuts roasted by Yankee Clipper @ 07/21/2005 12:35 AM EST

As an after thought, any thing would be better than dying on the toliet. How embarrassing. The medics would have to wipe your arse and put your damn pants back on. And god forbid my mum, walks in to see me pants around me ankles sitting their on the shitter. That probably give 'er an 'art attack.

Chestnuts roasted by Yankee Clipper @ 07/21/2005 12:38 AM EST

I am not a Trekkie, but I am saddened by the news. By all accounts they were both very kind people who will be fondly remembered.

Nino Schibetta was indeed the Wiseguy wiped out by crushed glass in his food. He was done in by Ryan O'Riley and Simon Adebisi. His son's name was Peter, and he tried (and failed) to take his father's place as head of the Wiseguys.

As for the method of death, I'd rather drown in the mini-sub. I was severely burned as a child and I could never take that pain again.

Something I thought of when I read Matt's question though. How many people would choose to jump and fall to thier deaths rather than burn?

Also, if the sub were too deep, wouldn't the pressure crush it?

Chestnuts roasted by Kieran Alexis @ 07/21/2005 01:14 AM EST

But Manimal, it's not a spoiler. The potions teacher doesn't kill anyone.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 07/21/2005 01:23 AM EST

I agree with the theory fire is a less painful way to go because breathing CO2 would be less painful than H2O.

But I'd still prefer the drowning. The last few minutes in a drowning would be peaceful whereas in a fire they'd be frantic. I'd rather have the pain than the fear.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 07/21/2005 01:24 AM EST

I'm very saddened to hear of Scotty passing on, he was always a top favorite character in the classic Trek. I remember watching it every night as a kid, it was the family favorite show.

As for the worst way to die... I'd say drowning. I mean you're concious and aware of yourself drowning to the very end, that'd be scary as all shit. Fire woulnd't be nearly as bad, cause most deaths by fire are by smoke inhalation, not the fire itself. You'd just pass out pretty damn fast and then quietly burn. Whoopee. Yah, drowning would be a lot worse. o.o;

Chestnuts roasted by TilasTrinity @ 07/21/2005 01:24 AM EST

That's a tough call. I figure if you drown you will get so paniced before the oxygen runs out that you pass out and then die. If you burn to death you will feel the pain of the fire, hopefully that would make you pass out too in short time. In either case if you are saved at the last minute you have to deal with either brain damage or with skin grafts and pain ...and freakishness after that. No offense to people that have been burned. I have seen you and have much respect for the pain you have gone through.
Now, I'm thinking what a downbeat question this is? I would pick drowning because if I could choose, brain damage would be the easy out....ignorance is bliss and all. But what about the people that have to pay and take care of you after the brain damage...How about choice C?...die of old age? Not as fun, but win-win all around.

Chestnuts roasted by daikaiju @ 07/21/2005 01:36 AM EST

I guess I always knew that as reckelss as he was, Kirk would outlive them all. Although I hear that Chekov (aka Davey Jones) is still pulling teen idol ass. per the death arguement, I would much rather die by fire if only to release my jedi spirit, much the way luke had to roast his pops on endor.

Chestnuts roasted by keens @ 07/21/2005 01:41 AM EST

I think I'd take the aquatic death; cold water would be a pleasent last feeling, and being burried so far beneath the surface with the fishes sounds kind of nice in a psuedo-poetic/morbid way. I think?

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 07/21/2005 03:04 AM EST

drowning to death is the way to go. its quicker, less painful, if you think about the excruciating pain of burning to death and inhaling smoke until your lungs bleed and you pass out, it just makes more sense

Chestnuts roasted by kristen @ 07/21/2005 04:04 AM EST

I just came to post once more before I go to bed and to see if Matt had said anything about James Doohan.

Believe it or not, my handle has nothing at all to do with Star Trek. I actually think that makes it even worse because now it sounds like something some pretentious, angsty asshole came up with. I created it a LONG time ago and I guess thinking back I was trying for something mysterious.

I failed, but I kept the nick for lack of something better. I really should change it, but... too lazy...

But anyway, I am coincidentally a Star Trek fan (though I've never been the convention-going type, and I'm nowhere near as hardcore as I used to be). I started with The Next Generation and worked forward (and backward) from there.

I'm pretty bummed out about Mr. Doohan's death. Star Trek has usually been identified as science fiction, but I submit that it's always been more about the characters than anything else. Scotty was one of the good ones.

And like Matt said, James Doohan was by all accounts a great man. It's always a shame when the world loses one of those.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/21/2005 04:37 AM EST

Oh yeah, the death question. Hmm...

Of course neither of them is on top of my list, but... as long as the smoke is thick enough to make me pass out completely, maybe the fire.

But if the drowning is the result of a submarine hull breach, then I would assume I would be down low enough that the pressure would take care of me pretty quickly. In THAT case I would say the drowning.

You know what? I'm about to go to sleep, I don't need to be thinking about this shit

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/21/2005 04:41 AM EST

Well, can we play the hero? I'd rather die by fire if I'm actually trying to save someone.

Actually, drowning sounds more painful. I've never been a good swimmer as the only two strokes I have mastered are the Doggie Paddle and the Breaststroke (no joke, it is my best stroke).

How about adding quicksand to the list. That is a mutha right there, I'll tell ya what.

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Chestnuts roasted by EMajorwitz @ 07/21/2005 04:43 AM EST

OH YEAH, and I know this is very late but I'm not sure I've said it yet, so...

Erik: congratulations

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/21/2005 04:45 AM EST

In response to the earlier Blog entry, since Matt is going all Karl Rove on us, who do you believe is the Core group in which Matt so vaguely speaks of?

I would say there are about 20-25 regulars, but who is the "Core Group?" For starters, I believe Corey Feldman and Corey Haim are in just by their names alone

I hope to join the "Core Group" just as soon as I stop talking only about babies, pregnancy, and fatherhood. I hope to eventually bring something to the table as far as discussions go.

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Chestnuts roasted by EMajorwitz @ 07/21/2005 04:46 AM EST

Drowning- at least there's fish.

Chestnuts roasted by Chives @ 07/21/2005 05:16 AM EST

I can't even begin to pick one as they're both horrible and panic worthy. Though, if the fumes from the fire knocked me out, that's way better than drowning.

Now, if I could, I would shoot my water-filled submarine out from the sea into the burning building. I would die from the impact, but I'd be kind of a hero. The submarine would work as a water bottle slowly but surely putting out the fire until the fire trucks arrived.

With these two and the others suggested, they all sound like ideas on how to kill James Bond.

"Take Mr. Bond...put him on a smooth surface, then quite quickly...PUT HIM ON A PEBBLY SURFACE!"

Chestnuts roasted by Dr. Acula @ 07/21/2005 05:37 AM EST

Oh my..I think death caused by fire, 'cos before the fire reaches the top, I'm already unconscious of all the many smoke.

Chestnuts roasted by Julian (from The Netherlands!) @ 07/21/2005 06:13 AM EST

Burning would be less annoying because then your body won't have to go through an insentorator after the funeral.
But if you drown, you probably won't have to go through a funeral in the first place.
And plus if I had a choice in my death I'd pick it by drowning. It hurts less.

Chestnuts roasted by Radio @ 07/21/2005 08:08 AM EST

I'd really like to go with jumping out a window of the burning building and shouting "cowabunga" as loud as I can.

But since that wasn't an option I'd go with burning to death. I vaguely recall reading something once that said it'll take like 20 mins for your brain activity to stop when drowning. I'd rather not find out that you're still somewhat aware during that time.

Chestnuts roasted by King Peter @ 07/21/2005 08:29 AM EST

Marioshoku,
Thanks buddy. However, most of the damage is done now since I looked at the last couple of pages because of that post. I dont read the book jacket or even the table of contents in order to purposely stay in the dark. If I acted too hastily last night, it was because I was FURIOUS. I am a spoiler-free kinda guy and do not appreciate anyone ruining my good time so that he/she can be funny.
Bottom line, even if the information turns out not to be true, I still feel somewhat cheated. That post was unneccarily off-topic in order to (mis)inform.
Enough of this.
I have never seen an episode of STAR TREK or any of the movies (it's true) but I did watch TREKKIES awhile back based on XE recommendations and James Doohan seemed like a class act.

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 07/21/2005 08:57 AM EST

Geez Matt. Feeling a little morbid today?
Worst way to die would be burning I think. It would hurt more.

Chestnuts roasted by jhnnywalkr @ 07/21/2005 09:22 AM EST

so morbid. . .I have a hard time thinking of my own death. But I suppose I would pick fire. I think the drowning would kick start my clostrophobia. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter. Either would kill you.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/21/2005 09:30 AM EST

My mom was telling me about how her paternal grandmother, who died in the late seventies, lived to be 98 years old. She went to sleep one night...and never woke up. What a way to go. Her maternal grandmother (my great-grandma) lived to be 95 and died of complications from a pacemaker--I was 11 years old at the time. I swear if she didn't need that pacemaker, she would have lived to 100 (she would have been in 1999).

The best way to go is natural causes. The worst way to go is murder, by far. If you live in the Delaware valley, chances are you've heard of what happened to Patricia McDermott (you may have heard of her elsewhere too). Her killer is insane.

I also hope that I live to a nice, ripe old age. My family has good genes, so I'm hoping this is a possibility. May we all live to a nice old age (I know we're all still young).

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 07/21/2005 09:47 AM EST

I was sitting in editing at my internship yesterday, and when I heard about Patrick Doohan, I said that "Scotty was beamed up." The guy I was working with did a rimshot sound. I'm not one to tell great jokes frequently, so I consider that one to be among the cheesier jokes I've told. I have lots of those.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 07/21/2005 09:49 AM EST

It’s sad that James Doohan died, but I think it’s neat that he wants his some of his ashes to be sent into space like Gene Roddenberry.

As for the death question I would go with fire. As much as I love water the smoke would at least knock me out. Plus with the building there is always the option of jumping out the window.

Chestnuts roasted by Emi Chan @ 07/21/2005 10:05 AM EST

James Doohan also had Alsheimers. And CNN reported today that they're sending some of his ashes to space.

I'd take burning.

Chestnuts roasted by Jono @ 07/21/2005 10:09 AM EST

Wait, wait, wait...DISMEMBERMENT BY A PACK OF ZOMBIES! That's how I want to die! Virtually every zombie flick has a grisly scene in which a character has his guts yanked out by a dozen or more hungry ghouls, and those scenes are always the most disturbing for me. My all-time favroite scene like that is from "Day of the Dead" when Rhodes gets ambushed and evicerated at the end. While the zombies are munching on his internal organs, he's screaming: "Choke on 'em! Choke on 'em!" What a badass.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 07/21/2005 10:27 AM EST

I've heard from a buddy that drowning is the easiest way to die. He says that when your lungs fill up with liquid, your brain immediatly shuts off.

Of course, I disagree because in order for them to test this, they would have to ask someone who's died this way.

Chestnuts roasted by Chiablo @ 07/21/2005 10:27 AM EST

Despite all the arguments that fire would be the less painful way to die, I have a fire phobia and just can't bring myself to choose that as my method of dying. Honestly, I blame my phobia on specific episodes of Webster, The Facts of Life, and the Hogan Family where their houses burned down and they lost everything that was precious to them. (Remember Natalie's stuffed frog? I think it was hers.) I wish I could say that I was kidding and this was just some lame excuse to bring up 80's TV, but I have vivid memories of being at my babysitter's house when they reran that episode of Webster and cowering in the corner with my eyes closed and my hands over my ears because she clearly couldn't sense my desperation when I asked if we could PLEASE watch something else. (Eh...no cable...whaddya gonna do?)

A brief note about James Doohan. I know this has been said, but I just want to second that it's really refreshing to see someone embrace the role that people loved him for. May he rest in peace.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 07/21/2005 10:51 AM EST

I'll be the odd-man-out and go with drowning. Even though there's no rescue scenario in this what-if game, if there were a slight possibility of rescue at like 9 minutes and 59 seconds, near-drowning would be prefered to near-burnination. If you were to live and went through the fire, you'd have to worry about burn damage. I'm not a doctor but it seems that there'd be about an equal chance for oxygen-deprived brain damage from either fire or water, so that'd be a wash (no pun intended).

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 07/21/2005 11:16 AM EST

I agree with Manimal- let's keep the blog spoiler-free!! Be it Ep.III, or Harry Potter (which I won't be able to read for a long time, being here in Korea). It is hard enough not to have these things ruined for you elsewhere on the net, I don't need it here!

Ahhh, Drowning VS. Burning....almost as classic as the Burning VS. Freezing question of my youth. In the end, I choose drowning. (Lori-I also have a fear of fire- my elementary school burned down when I was in 5th grade- it was quite traumatic.) Plus, I think it would be more peaceful and less painful.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 07/21/2005 11:20 AM EST

I'd have to say fire cause you'd be dead before the fire even touched you. I've been told that taking a breath of super heated air basically kills your lungs. you can still breathe, but can't do anything with the o2. dead within a few mins.
Although the water thing depends on how cold the water is, if it's cold enough you go into shock really fast and just never wake up.

Chestnuts roasted by RAS @ 07/21/2005 11:23 AM EST

Burning to death in a crashed sub in the Marianas Trench while mermaids taunt me with Smurf-blue marshmallows and "Holla Back Girl" plays over the PA system.
Bananas, indeed.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/21/2005 11:40 AM EST

I'm going to give an ackward answer to an ackward question:

Both. I'd drown in Gasoline and then get blown up with a match. Ha. Found a loophole.

Chestnuts roasted by Warx @ 07/21/2005 11:43 AM EST

Definitely have to go with fire, you'd be in so much pain you wouldn't have to deal with the fear.

And fish wouldn't eat you.

Chestnuts roasted by Sucrose @ 07/21/2005 11:50 AM EST

Sucrose:

And fish wouldn't eat you.

But the homeless would.

/one way, aisle seat

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 07/21/2005 12:33 PM EST

Well, seeing as how I'm from the desert and a volunteer fire fighter, I'm tempted to choose drowning merely because nobody would expect it of me. "what the hell was he doing in a minisub?" However, based on what I know about dying in a fire, I'd have to choose it. Even if the smoke-inhalation didn't do me in (which it would, but it seems like cheating,) the massive flood of endorphins and adrenaline would keep the pain at bay until my nerve endings were crisped. Anyone who has ever suffered sudden, catastrophic abrasions (skateboarders, I'm talking to you) will know what I'm talking about.
But if I could choose a way to go? Fist-sized lump of plastique implanted in my chest cavity without my knowledge, and detonated just as I reach the microphone to make my acceptance speech for my lifetime achievement award. Now that's classy.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 07/21/2005 12:38 PM EST

The wierd thing about Jim Doohan is that I learned was that he had 9 kids!!! By 3 or 4 different wives. The last one is under 10 and the oldest is probably in their 40s. Man what a swinging dude!

Death by fire, for reasons stated by the other illustrious posters.

Oh and for "Dumbledore." I am half-way finished with the book. You have confirmed my suspicion. As much as I like D-Diddy, I felt that he was marked for death. I hope his death is glorious and befitting of a great master. However, I still haven't gotten over the death in Book V (see I didn't use the name so no one would get pissed).

Also, for anyone who is reading the book, I saw an interesting commentary on the book on MSN's Slate regarding the parallels in HP VI and what is going on now with the war on terror. The article's writer was scared that using such timely events would date the book. I totally disagree. JK Rowling is taking the book series in its natural progression that was set up from the begininng. The Ministry and the magical community are only doing the things that come natural (unfortunately) in times of terror. Government becomes more authoritarian, people make irrational decisions based on fear, scapegoats are created to make the Government look better and people feel beter...

Chestnuts roasted by Queej @ 07/21/2005 12:40 PM EST

I wouldn't mind my body being eaten by fish. Circle of life and whatnot.

Chestnuts roasted by jhnnywalkr @ 07/21/2005 12:40 PM EST

This makes me think of that ad for Cathouse where that guy talks about having an orgasm and then a heart attack. But what if he's in church when that happens? Or talking to the president? Just for that, I hope his death will involve tacos, midgets, a copy of Highlights for Children, and a appearance on Oprah.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/21/2005 01:12 PM EST

Under Battlebeast guidelines, water beats fire so, I'll choose drowning.

What about death by wood?

"WOOD"
"FIRE"
"FIRE BURN WOOD!"

Does wood beat water? WTF?

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 07/21/2005 01:44 PM EST

Hay. Jason drowned and all it took was a couple jolts of electro-juice and he was back at it.

I PICK DROWN DROWN.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessie Spano @ 07/21/2005 02:03 PM EST

All things considered, I want to go by SunBurst.
Wood floats on Water, by the way.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/21/2005 02:09 PM EST

Drowning has always been my biggest fear, so I would hate that the most...

Hogan Knows Best? It sucks - Hulk Hogan is crazy. He is overprotective, overbearing, and overzealous. Not a really good show.

Chestnuts roasted by Myke @ 07/21/2005 03:05 PM EST

I've heard that drowning is incredibly peaceful. Then again, who would have lived to know if it was a good way to die? If you were concious in a fire, your nerves would be deadened rather quickly with the heat and the burning and the oy!

I'd still pick drowning--just a few slow, deep breaths.

James Doohan is having his ashes sent into space, Hunter Thompson had them shot out of a cannon...and I'm still trying to decide a cool place to send my ashes. Perhaps I'll work out a deal to print them into the pages of a rare-edition semi-hellish novel.

Chestnuts roasted by Miss @ 07/21/2005 03:26 PM EST

My cousins' dad had his ashes chucked out over the Rocky Mountains last year. So, when you drink your Coors, you have a little bit of Uncle Bob in your beer. He would not have had it any other way.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/21/2005 03:33 PM EST

I think I might buy a sixer 'o Coors tonight just to get a taste of Uncle Bob!

Uncle Bob rules!

Chestnuts roasted by Jessie Spano @ 07/21/2005 03:36 PM EST

Queej, I think Matt's going to have to edit your post

Off-topic time!

The witchhunt continues!

A random fan somewhere in the world made a game mod. AND THE GAME'S PROGRAMMERS ARE AT FAULT!

Where is the logic in that?! Even if the offending, inactive code was a part of the retail version of the game, it was inactive.

These critics complained about game content so they got a ratings system (after they did their part to ruin Sega financially, who certainly didn't need any more help at the time). Now they won't use the ratings system! And despite all scientific evidence to the contrary, videogames are still demonized as evil influences on children that turn them into hooker-killing, gun-slinging psychos.

Please help me to understand what can be done aside from outright censorship to make these people happy. We're already fining stores that sell Mature-rated games to underage kids.

You have to admit though, mentioning ValuSoft in the same article as Rockstar Games is pretty damn funny

And now back to your regularly scheduled blog...

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/21/2005 03:43 PM EST

I think i would like to be eaten by a werewolf. Or have my head crushed by frankenstein. One or the other, or both I guess.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 07/21/2005 03:43 PM EST

Night_Trekker: I've been following this one as well, I think it's funny it's be on sale for months and now it comes up. did it make you want to see the inactive content as well? I'm going to buy it just for this reason.

Chestnuts roasted by RAS @ 07/21/2005 04:19 PM EST

Don't know if you've heard yet Matt, but since you were a big wrestling fan in the 80's I thought you'd want to hear:

Lord Alfred Hayes died this morning. More pieces of childhood dying.

Chestnuts roasted by Cyclone @ 07/21/2005 04:56 PM EST

Not really a death - more of a carry-over from the conversation a few days back: Who read today's Family Circus? While am at a complete loss as to why Bill thought he had something worthy of print, I do feel deep sorrow at the pain Billy must have felt after playing in Daddhy's tackle box.

So confusing.

Chestnuts roasted by Tougi @ 07/21/2005 05:52 PM EST

Jedoc made the point that I was thinking while reading everyones responses. I think I'd choose fire.

Other thought though, drowning definitly gives a prettier funeral, even if they'd have to de-bloat the body. I think I'd still prefer to burn. Here's to hoping I never have to make that decision.

Peter: "Ask your mother, I've never been good at making tough decisions."
(Looks at "Ernest goes to the Beach," then at "Ernest doesn't go to the Beach."
Video store speaker voice: "Our store will be closing in 2 minutes."
Peter: "Ahhaee."

Chestnuts roasted by Mad Cow @ 07/21/2005 06:03 PM EST

RAS: Well, like an idiot I bought it around the time it came out for the PS2, knowing there would be an Xbox version at some point (my PC is way too old to handle anything more advanced than the original Deus Ex).

But of course I'm interested to see what's got parents dragging their kids inside and slamming their shutters closed. I'm willing to bet we're not the only ones.

Something similar happened after Vice City had been out for months: some overly-sensitive, politically correct dumbass with a chip on his/her shoulder heard the phrase "Kill all the Hatians!" and convinced the Hatian community that the game was prejudice, resulting in the removal of the sentence from the game through legal threats.

No matter that they took it completely out of context, that the character who said it was talking about a specific group (a rival gang) of Hatians in the game. Nobody cares that the violent world of the GTA games is a satiric, over-the-top parody of the real world.

Even self-described "family friendly" company Nintendo can't escape the reach of the alarmingly ignorant. Remember when Ocarina of Time ran into legal trouble because the music in the Fire Temple sounded a little too much like Islamic chanting?

Holy shit. This politically correct thing has gone too damn far.

The ironic thing about all of this is Rockstar is just getting free publicity. You'd think the people raising a stink would realize that.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/21/2005 06:09 PM EST

Matt, did you hear that Lord Alfred Hayes died?

"Hayes had been in poor health for some time, slowed by ring injuries and eventually, contracting gangrene which caused amputation of part of his leg.

He suffered a fall a few days ago in the Dallas area nursing home he was living in, which led to a series of strokes, which are believed to be the cause of death."

Sad week.

Chestnuts roasted by oh who cares @ 07/21/2005 06:33 PM EST

I think drowning to death would be a lot less painful so i guess i'll go with that. By the way...thanks Gozer for that link on html, many-a-thanks!

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 07/21/2005 07:32 PM EST

Why should I have to choose?

Why not die in a burning sub that crashes into the ocean?

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 07/21/2005 08:04 PM EST

I couldn't agree more, Night_Trekker. I was incredibly pissed to get my special edition Zelda disk for the GameCube and have the music changed because of the dreaded Political Correctness Police. While I do not like the GTA franchise, I find the current teacup tempest completely unbelieveable. It is a very American trait to be ok with graphic violence, but throw in a little sex and suddenly a movie/game/book/etc is pure evil. We're not "protecting the children" from anything by roasting Rockstar or the people who modded the game. The idiots who buy the game for their kids without researching it have no right to be upset, nor do the holier than thou people who think it is their job to be the media police. As a society we need to learn to lighten up.

Chestnuts roasted by Kieran Alexis @ 07/21/2005 08:55 PM EST

How about drowning in ignited gasoline?

Hmmm...

Chestnuts roasted by Mofongo @ 07/21/2005 11:22 PM EST

I hate water I'd rather burn to death.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/21/2005 11:26 PM EST

I'd pick drowning. Just seems more peaceful to me for some reason. Fire = bad omen.

Chestnuts roasted by Traynor @ 07/21/2005 11:39 PM EST

"I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud"

"half my life I've been here, half my life in flames, using all I ever had, to feed the flames"

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/22/2005 12:01 AM EST

Correction: "to keep the fire ablaze". Thanks Gozer!

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/22/2005 12:06 AM EST

Happy to help with the HTML stuff. I just recently learned the basic tricks myself.

And now you know, and knowing is half the battle!

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 07/22/2005 12:30 AM EST

Assuming you didn't pass out from smoke, Death by burning would suck alot more, with the melting of the skin and the eyes and the lungs and the boiling of the stomach and such.

Chestnuts roasted by Connor S @ 07/22/2005 02:26 AM EST

Speaking of spoilers, I'm really quite displeased with movietickets.com right now, or whoever wrote the synopsis that is located there for the Devil's Rejects. I mean I honestly suspected what I read, but I still feel cheated.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/22/2005 03:41 AM EST

I think i'd have to choose fire. there's always the chance of a rescue from a gorgeous firefighter just before I am disfigured by the flames. we'd get married and live happily ever after. but with my luck, i'd probably drown on the honeymoon.

Chestnuts roasted by bitchpants @ 07/22/2005 08:37 AM EST

All right! A video game conversation! One of my favorite things to get on a soapbox about!

The article makes, what I consider, a very valid point. The game is rated M for "Mature". That says right there that the game isn't for kids. Letting your kids play a game rated "M" is no different than sitting them down in front of an R-rated movie. One may argue that the difference is that game playing is more proactive. Let me say this right now, if your kid is impressionable enough to do anything he/she sees in a video game, then I don't care if it's GTA or Kirby's Dreamland, that kid shouldn't be near them.

I'm not a parent, but I sure remember what it was like to be a kid. I won't deny that I did things my parents wouldn't have approved of (like watch movies I wasn't supposed to see) when I was at a friend's house or otherwise away from home. I'm not suggesting that parents can or even should know what their offspring are doing every second of the day. I will say, however, that even when I did things I wasn't supposed to, my parents had taught me right from wrong and I could differentiate entertainment from reality.

I don't know why people have kids and think it's the government's responsibillity to raise them. Actually, I think this may be more a case of politicians trying to get on the public's good side. By the way, notice that nowhere in the article does it say that anyone brought this to Hillary's attention. You know the only reason Hillary found this stuff out was because she was playing the game and saw an opportunity. You're not fooling anyone, Hill! Better scrape that Rockstar sticker off your bumper before someone sees it!

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 07/22/2005 11:12 AM EST

Death or injury caused by imitating Kirby? Now, that's comedy!
You just know Hill' kicks ass in Halo. And can probably school all of us in Centipede.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/22/2005 11:34 AM EST

Must resist urge to paraphrase Dane Cook..... can't hold on.... This would be the worst, what if you dove into a pool and someone poured oil on the surface and lit it on fire....

Chestnuts roasted by Neo Anderson @ 07/22/2005 02:07 PM EST

Lori: I agree completely with what you've said. If someone is so unhinged that they act on what they see in a videogame, they were going to do it sooner or later regardless of the catalyst.

Remember, before videogames existed parents were making the same kind of noise about movies and music, and before that it was about books. I wouldn't be at all surprised of the same type of uproar has surrounded every kind of controversial art.

The difference, as you've mentioned and as crusaders against the videogaming industry always bring up, is that you control videogames. That might be a valid argument if the majority of scientific studies on the subject suggested a direct link between videogame violence and real life violence... but they suggest the exact opposite.

But nothing as silly and irrelevant as scientific evidence is going to dissuade opponents of violent videogames like Lt. Col. Dave Grossman and Joe Lieberman, and they're damn sure not going to let you forget their unsupported opinions.

By the way, Rockstar has already been forced to change the rating to Adults Only.

Programmers leave unfinished code in games all the time, and because it's unfinished the player can't access it. But some computer-savvy player--completely unrelated to the game's programmers--decides to alter the game with a mod, and Rockstar is to blame. What's wrong with this picture?

I guess the argument is that Rockstar somehow knew players would find the unfinished code and decided to include it anyway, and in doing so sold a product worthy of an AO rating under the more sales-friendly M rating. Of course nobody can prove that, but who needs proof when you can frighten parents?

Whether this results in the reduced or increased sales of San Andreas remains to be seen. Logically, if game players of the correct age group are the ones buying the Mature-rated games, then a lot of them will be old enough to buy the Adults Only-rated version too if they so desire.

On the other hand, if it's parents buying the games for their kids... well, we'll have a pretty good idea who's going the buying soon enough.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/22/2005 02:10 PM EST

Sorry about my long, off-topic posts, Matt. This is a subject I'm (obviously) passionate about.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/22/2005 02:13 PM EST

Not off-topic! I don't expect a hundred posts about Kool-Aid!

One thing to note is that while this latest case of adult-oriented gaming in the hands of kids is a bit more intense, this sort of thing has gone on in the industry for just about...oh, since it started. While kids making pixels fuck each other is probably worse than kids getting fat because they played too much Super Mario, the end results of the "against" side of the argument are still the same.

Chances are, if a youngster knew how to download the mod online, he or she has probably seen far worse online already.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/22/2005 02:29 PM EST

Matt: Excellent point

More articles...

Keeping Kids from Hot Coffee

From page 2 of the article (my emphasis added):

I am not prepared to say let's take violence completely out of our entertainment menu for our children. As you indicated, violence is unfortunately part of a lot of people's lives. What I'm trying to do with this bill is to say let's at least not expose our children to learn the skills of violence. It is these interactive games we're particularly targeting. Not violent games in general, but the interactive violent games.

"Oh no! Holding a controller is just like holding a gun!"

I don't understand what Mr. Yee is saying here... he says he's not against violent games, but he is against interactive violent games. What kind of videogame has absolutely no interactivity?

Rockstar's response

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/22/2005 03:01 PM EST

Aside from those FMV Sega CD titles

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/22/2005 03:03 PM EST

Amen, Matt! I wish that the worst thing parents had to worry about were video games. The world is a much scarier place than we, the kids of the 80's, experienced.

Chestnuts roasted by Traynor @ 07/22/2005 03:04 PM EST

Matt,

This is quite the Odd topic for you, are you experiencing suicidal tendencies?

Chestnuts roasted by King Nutria @ 07/22/2005 03:56 PM EST

Even more stuff"

Videogames as Election Platform

Jack Thompson (Wikipedia)

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/22/2005 04:45 PM EST

I want a death by misadventure.
Wanna die facedown in some dude's pool.
Not gonna kick it in my sleep,
lyin' on my dentures.
When I die, Jack, it's gonna be real cool.

Ahem. So, anyway. Matt, I sent you an email. Did you get it?

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/22/2005 05:38 PM EST

I certainly don't wanna die someway that involves getting my hands chopped off, lightning or falling out of tall building.

Chestnuts roasted by Mace Windu @ 07/22/2005 11:40 PM EST

Damn, Mace Windu died in Episode III? Guess I better go back and watch it again.

I agree on the video game debate guys. Kids are going to play whatever their parents allow them to. If mom and dad don't, then they find the friend with carefree parents.

My wife teaches and it is sad when first graders are allowed to play GTA: San Andreas (kids mimic and say things from this game). Hell, I wanted the game so bad for Christmas, I bought it and waited until the kids and wife were asleep. Upon hearing the language, I knew I would never get to be into the game, because of the language. I'm no Joe Lieberman, but I do think parents and stores need to follow the ratings better and Congress needs to focus on more important matters.

Video games are a release, I know as a teenager it was quite better to kick Blanka's ass with Ryu then it was for me to fight someone. Even now, my oldest stepdaughter seems to be doing better as she wants to play Rampage (ah, the classics) when she is feeling angry.

So until Brett is old enough, he will only play sports games and crap, I guess I have to buy a Gamecube now...

Just my two cents.

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Chestnuts roasted by EMajorwitz @ 07/23/2005 12:57 AM EST

Don't get me started on videogames and our entire "ain't mah fault" culture. I live in an extremely conservative Texas community, and so the noise over topics like this is especially pronounced.
My personal view? I spent most of my pre-graduation life locked in a war with my parents over violent video games. This is not to say that I did not play violent video games, but that every once in a while my mother would catch sight of some gruesome scene (or, on one memorable occasion, of a Fallout mercenary cursing like a sailor before blowing Ian into bloody chunks with an SMG. You all know the animation I'm talking about here) and go on a rampage, stealing CDs from my tower and sometimes banning games altogether. Despite this, I played Doom and Warcraft and even Soldier of Fortune and Hitman, all in their proper times. Today, I still play many games which would make my mother cringe, though I've never been a fan of GTA. I am also a less-violent person than most people I know, in my philosophies and my actions.
On the other hand, when I grew up there was a boy about my age who lived down the road from me. His parents didn't have a computer, and got by on the same three fuzzy channels everybody had in the middle of nowhere. As I recall, he liked burning frogs for fun.
Now, he is many times more likely to kill somebody someday than I am. However, if he had snapped and killed several of our classmates, everyone would have acknowledged that he was a profoundly screwed up kid who probably should have been in intensive therapy. If I had done it instead? It's them damn vidyagames what were to blame!
It's a scapegoat industry and a responsibility dodge, plain and simple. Even if these games are harming our children...and personally, when and if any of my children from my tour in the Navy ever catch up with me, I will apply the same rules of common sense to mature gameplay content as I would R-rated movies...even if this is true, THE INDUSTRY CANNOT BE PUNISHED FOR PRODUCING THESE PRODUCTS. Any more than you can sue Honda if you let a seven-year-old in your running car, unattended, and he wraps it around a tree. That's the part of this endless argument that always ticks me off. I can deal with wrongheaded conclusions based on pseudoscience, if said conclusions are actually pertinent to the debate at hand. But this whole thing is one colossal red herring.
Bah. I told you not to get me started. Bedways is rightways for me, mates.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 07/23/2005 01:05 AM EST

Speaking of violence, profanity, and nudity, any fans of the sick, sadistic, and twisted would do well to see Devil's Rejects. They even had a ticket-checker at the door. No kiddies buying a ticket for Charlie... were getting in on their watch. Unless they used the upstairs door. Hmmm. Movie theatre security, not so great, eh?

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/23/2005 02:22 AM EST

Drowning.
Sorry for those who get spoiled for HBP however it may happen..."some jerk" put up a banner on a bridge in England. I got minorly spoiled by an ad up at Something Awful, the jerks, but I know people who got it worse. Having finished it I say that if you have been spoiled on some site for one or three of the major things don't focus on them too much as you read (if you can) and you'll find more of interest in other storylines. Reading the actual ending itself is a different story, though.
I'm looking at the site on a PDA...the front page is little wild but the blog is peaches and cream. I've been watching all season but Entourage finally hooked me with Sundance. Watched my first episode of Six Feet Under recently too and liked it as much as I figured I would if I got around to watching it.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/23/2005 02:33 AM EST

Wow, good thing I've never read Harry Potter, otherwise I'd be so pissed right now!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 07/23/2005 03:30 AM EST

Guys, I apologize, and I take back all the naive things I said last night. I was completely unaware that The Sims 2 was the actual problem. Thanks to your friend and mine, Jack Thompson, my eyes have been opened. Burn all vidyagames!
Although the introduction of Wright into the equation did bring up an interesting point for me. In FPS, you are restricted to killing maybe a half-dozen enemies at any one time. In Sim City, though, you can kill thousands with a click of the mouse in the "Disaster" menu. In a way, wouldn't a gib-filled FPS teach gamers that violent action is an intense and difficult path, while Sim City merely teaches them to casually disregard life entirely?
Anyway, I'm gonna go find some photo references to build a Jack Thompson sim. And, uh...help it live out a long and fruitful life.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 07/23/2005 10:28 AM EST

Sorry, I just have to go off about that. That is absolutely the most ignorant thing I have read in a while. I accidentally saved my game once while some guy was in the middle of getting out of the shower. When I started it up again, the game got confused and didn't give him his blur back. Believe me, there is nothing even slightly pornographic about a naked sim. It really is like Ken and Barbie. I'm a pretty conservative person (or so I thought), but I get really angry when people automatically jump to the conclusion that nudity = pornography, obscenity, etc. If the complaint is only this "blur", that only happens (unless I'm forgetting something) when Sims are getting in and out of the tub. It's a fraction of a second and Sims can't interact during this time. Besides, I think that EA/Maxis showed responsibility by making sure there would be nothing graphically offensive should someone create a hack to undo the blur. Porn offering? Jack Thompson must watch some pretty freaky porn.

The "sex" in the game is only able to happen between two ADULT sims (not even teens) who have reached the "love" relationship level. Even then, it is referred to as "Woo-hoo" and takes place completely under the covers with the occasional arm or leg hanging out. When they are finished, they are magically in their underwear. Even if you removed the blur, you'd never be able to see two naked sims having sex. To say that this is worse than a playable orgy in San Andreas is an insult to the intelligence of...well...pretty much every living being.

Of course, as Matt said, this has been going on since the beginning of the industry (that slutty Pong game aside.) As annoyed as I am that someone could say any of this and be considered credible, I can also recognize that this will probably blow over soon enough (they all have.) I just hope it doesn't ruin some of our favorite games before it does.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 07/23/2005 12:37 PM EST

death:nearly fire, but then i would grab my pistol and blow my fucking brains out before the fire would even get 6 feet near me

Chestnuts roasted by me @ 07/24/2005 04:32 PM EST

whew... having grown up with an intense fear of fire (being in a room with a fireplace freaked me out), to developing claustrophobia, both ways of dying make me pretty freaked out.

i think i'd choose being stuck in a burning building, because right now being stuck in a submarine with the thought of that water bearing down scares me more.

maybe i'd just jump out and die that way. i was always curious how that would feel.

Chestnuts roasted by angsty cola @ 07/25/2005 01:21 AM EST

Having both set myself on fire [long hair + explosives = bad], and almost drowned. I would choose fire as my method of dispersal.

Almost drowning was the most frightening thing I've ever done [and to this day keeps me from depths of water] yet being set on fire was almost serene... Your body jacks you up so much from adrenaline you don't really feel the burning [plus the nerves are dying]. There's a calmness to be found in it...

It's when some jackass puts out the fire that you truly begin to realize how much it sucks. The pain finds its way to you, and the panic comes...

Chestnuts roasted by gesis @ 07/25/2005 09:03 PM EST

There's still the old classic: Death by Snu-Snu! I shouldn't have waited so long to post this.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/26/2005 02:17 PM EST

I can't believe I got his name wrong! But, I hate Star Trek. Did you really think I was gonna know??? I just like that line "I just can't do it captain!"

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 07/26/2005 02:46 PM EST

By all accounts I have read, Doohan was a kind and quite cool guy about the whole Star Trek phenomenon. I have to admit, I wonder what it would be like to go into the acting business wanting to be a versatile actor and ending up making a living from playing the same character for the rest of my life. Doohan did a funny skit on "The Ben Stiller Show" that goes one step further than the famous Shatner "Get a life" sketch on SNL.

Hogan Knows Best isn't worth it. I was excited about it, but it's obviously scripted and about the only thing it has demonstrated to me is that Hogan is a nosy, pushy, overprotective parent who's not above putting a GPS tracking device on his daughter's car and then calling her to make sure she's not lying to him. Entourage, however, I found so entertaining that I watched an entire season's episodes in one night.

Chestnuts roasted by Will @ 07/26/2005 05:15 PM EST