01/02/2005 Entry: "Jaws: The Revenge. This time, it's personal."

Last night, a few friends and I ran out of things to do and decided to throw in a movie. My collection being what it is, unpalatable to all but me, pickings were slim. Perhaps it was the weather, or the cold sampler of Michelob winter beers, but we went with Jaws: The Revenge and hoped for the best. We'd all seen the movie before, but not for a long time. Memories were hazy. Perhaps it wasn't as awful as we recalled. Perhaps. Here is a recreation of the action, sort of:

Ho hum ho hum ho.

KEY THING:
1) With choices only ranging between Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger, my friends agree to a "harmless" showing of Jaws: The Revenge, a film in which the nigh-title character gets about 12 seconds of screen time, and even still, he has to share it with Mario Van Peebles.

2) Delighted by a photo on the inside cover, our memories of the movie are twisted into believing that we should get all dizzy with anticipation over the Infamous Michael Caine Hoagie Versus Shark Flying Plane Scene. This becomes important later.

3) The generous bonus materials on the DVD included one grainy trailer and what's shown in the picture -- a thorough list of recommendations, presented as a screen displaying the DVD boxes for the previous three Jaws flicks. Amazing.

4) Just in case any of us thought that years of amping ourselves up with sugarcoated exaggeration took us away from the truth, no, Lorraine Gary really was out of her balls crazy in Jaws: The Revenge. Holy Mary.

5) PEEBLES! PEEBLES! PEEBLES! He should be in every movie and in every big moment of our lives, each and every.

6) Looks like we made up the Infamous Michael Caine Hoagie Versus Shark Flying Plane Scene in our heads. Turns out all the shark does is kinda hustle the plane with its fins and drag it underwater. From the picture, we figured Caine was gonna hop out into the water and wrestle Bruce down to the shallows, ripping at the shark's gills. This was seriously disappointing.

On the upside, I bought the DVD for fifty cents at the gas station up the street.

Chestnuts roasted by The Mystery Play @ 01/02/2005 07:15 PM EST

I own "Jaws - The Revenge." It's a completely awful movie, but I actually don't think it's worse than Jaws 3...God, that movies is absolutely dreadful. On my list of worst movies, JAWS 3 has got to be either 2nd or 3rd...JAWS - The revenge maybe 5th.

I've got way too much time on my hands...

Chestnuts roasted by A.J. Poirier @ 01/02/2005 07:40 PM EST

Never liked any of the Jaws films. Hows your iPod going Matt? Managed to bugger it up yet like I did to mine?! Stoopid technology...I want my old Walkman back! Happy New Year by the way.

Chestnuts roasted by Stew @ 01/02/2005 08:29 PM EST

I agree with Stew, I didnt really get the deal

Chestnuts roasted by IHQ @ 01/02/2005 09:07 PM EST

The movie is still better than Rocky V or Rambo III, Judge Dread, Stop or My Mom will Shoot or about 900 other Stalone movies. Proving once again that Mario Van Peebles is the man.

I think they made sense.

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 9th Dwarf @ 01/02/2005 09:20 PM EST

Happy 2005 all.

I have been absent from the site for the Holidays due to my being at home and trying to suck in all the red and green chile (yes, with an e, not an i, as the Texans want to believe) and Indian food as possible before returning to cafeteria food. Ugh. Also been taking care of the sick man, who had about the same thing Matt did, for about the same amount of time.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I've caught up and it had cheered me up after cleaning all of the used tissues from under the couch. Thanks

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 01/02/2005 09:51 PM EST

It came to my attention today that Ive been coming to this site since Ive been in the 8th grade. I am a freshman in college.

w00t.

Chestnuts roasted by Benji @ 01/02/2005 09:58 PM EST

Matt, did it have the ending with Peebles dead, or him half eaten but still alive floating up to Michael?

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/02/2005 10:17 PM EST

Even though I thought Jaws the revenge was supremely silly, I actually disliked the third one more. I just thought it was seriously boring, Dennis Quaid notwithstanding. At least the younger brother get's his arm bitten off in this one.

Chestnuts roasted by KayM @ 01/02/2005 10:18 PM EST

Woops, maybe I should have put a spoiler warning. Sorry.

Chestnuts roasted by KayM @ 01/02/2005 10:29 PM EST

It was the ridiculous ending where Jake survives, minutes after the most melodramatic, drawn out this-guy-is-REALLY-DEAD death scene. It's still hilarious.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/02/2005 10:53 PM EST

Still haven't seen any jaws movies, don't particularly want to. They just don't look all that appealing to me.

Chestnuts roasted by tom no like @ 01/02/2005 11:17 PM EST

Hey matt, how're the fish?

Chestnuts roasted by tom no like @ 01/02/2005 11:17 PM EST

Why is there no review of Troll 2 on your site Matt? WHY!!
Seriously, this movie is bad, but its not Troll 2 bad.

Chestnuts roasted by Nilbog @ 01/02/2005 11:49 PM EST

My big PEEBLES! moment was when I went to see a late night weekday showing of Star Wars Special Edition when it first came out, and very few people were in the theatre. But Peebles was there, with his kid running around the aisles before the movie. I'm glad Peebles likes Star Wars.

Chestnuts roasted by Michael @ 01/03/2005 12:02 AM EST

That's one of those terrible movies that you have to drop everything and watch when it comes on TV. And I'm pretty sure Michael Caine will deck anoyone that mentions it to him. That movie was the death knell for Lance Guest's career. I'm not saying the Last Starfighter was the greatest movie ever, but it was good, and certainly a hundred times better that a fucking 500 ft roaring shark movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Dude McGuy @ 01/03/2005 02:12 AM EST

Fuck you Matt, Fuck you.
Thats the greatest movie ever.
a) I learned that you can inexplicably kill off the main character between movies.
b) that ramming the prow or bow..or long pointy thing at the front of a large ship will cause sharks to fucking explode
c) Sharks Will track you done, because you may have killed their mom..Or something.
D) fuck you i like dumb movies and your gay lolol gay
E) I got nothing really, except that i think some people did it in the movie.
F) also if you'd watched after the credits there is an alternate ending where Michael Caine does a diet pepsi twist add and zippers himself down to reveal that he's fucking Sean Connery, then jaws pops out of the water. Only to be knocked. The.Fuck.Out

G) because i like letters

Chestnuts roasted by Alex diimig @ 01/03/2005 02:28 AM EST

You certainly got what you paid for, pookie.

But there's nothing wrong with the cheapo dvd section - I've found some of the classic "drug awareness" films in there...Reefer Madness, Marihuana, Cocaine Fiends, the classics.

Chestnuts roasted by Sara @ 01/03/2005 03:27 AM EST

I said "classic" too much.

Chestnuts roasted by Sara @ 01/03/2005 03:28 AM EST

I spent the day at the hospital with kidney stones......hmmm Jaws:Revenge or kidney stones.........???? Allthough im sure its better than Death Wish5...but i love Charles Bronson and those Death Wish movies!

Chestnuts roasted by Ralph @ 01/03/2005 05:20 AM EST

As the Texans believe? Guess you are in the Dan Quayle camp, there is no e on the end of the word.

Chile is a country, Chili is what we like hot, and Chili's is LIKE NO PLACE ELSE.

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Chestnuts roasted by EMajorwitz @ 01/03/2005 06:17 AM EST

I first saw Jaws: The Revenge while on vacation in Cape Cod. We watched it at the drive-in. Yes, the only Jaws movie not portrayed as happening in New England, and I happened to be in New England. Oh, well. I was scared, being 12 years old and surrounded by ocean water on three sides. Plus, that 12 second shot of the shark looks ultra-scary when he's as big as a house on s drive-in movie screen. Coincidentally, a few days after watching the movie, my sister and I were swimming in the ocean and came across a wounded baby sand shark. He was only about 2" long and had a big bite taken out of his side. Barely alive; but, a shark. So, kinda creepy.

Oh, and the cove side of Cape Cod has these little black ocean bugs that sting. They look like skinny beetles. Not many jellyfish. We had stinging buggies instead. Another reason to not want to go swimming. Uck.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/03/2005 08:25 AM EST

EMajorwitz, thank you for clarifying that spelling for Mara. I was moments away from chiming in, myself.

Chestnuts roasted by 1drland @ 01/03/2005 09:24 AM EST

Yes, dying baby sharks are probably my worst nightmare right after the one with the doves holding machine guns that fire water...fire water? earth and was it air?

well, I frankly didn't dislike any of the Jaws movies probably because an obscrue fascination for sharks or anything that has huge sharp teeth.
What a horrible creepy life I lead!

Chestnuts roasted by melonian @ 01/03/2005 09:29 AM EST

This movie IS bad, but I think the 2nd Exorcist movie is the shittiest sequel I've ever seen...along with Blair Witch 2. Horrible.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 01/03/2005 10:09 AM EST

maybe we can start a letter writing campaign for Freddy vs Jason vs Peebles. According to IMDB he also was on a episode of the Cosby show plaing a character named "Garvin".

Chestnuts roasted by dr mindbender @ 01/03/2005 10:17 AM EST

Funny JAWS IV was on your mind there Matt because it came on AMC (that network that used to be reputable) over the holidays. I stayed up WAY too late to see the...uhh...exciting climax. That shark blood almost looked realistic.
P.S. didnt Michael Caine miss the Oscars because he was off shooting JAWS THE REVENGE??? Anyone?

Chestnuts roasted by manimal789 @ 01/03/2005 10:24 AM EST

Wow. I just have to see this movie again. I have this thing for really, really campy movies. I guess this would be a solid bet.

Chestnuts roasted by Croww @ 01/03/2005 11:25 AM EST

I love the first one, but the others I can live without. I'd only buy 3 if it came with the 3-D intact, analglyphic glasses and all. That is the only reason I have Spy Kids 3-D and the Shrek 3-D DVDs. All this tech we have at our disposal, and we're still wearing the red/blueish-green glasses.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/03/2005 12:24 PM EST

I've seen all of the Jaws films sans :The Revenge and really feel the need to pick it up everytime I see it in the store. Without :the revenge or "Orca" in my collection, I feel as if it will never be complete. Has anyone actually seen Orca?

Chestnuts roasted by Jimbuktu @ 01/03/2005 01:35 PM EST

I've seen Orca many years ago. The only thing I remember about it was when the one they had strung up on the boat gave birth and they kicked the baby overboard.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe in OH @ 01/03/2005 01:48 PM EST

Orca is pretty bad. I really wanted to like it, too.

Jaws IV is bad in general, but moreover just an inane and ridiculous movie. You have to watch it a few times to really appreciate the absurdity.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/03/2005 02:20 PM EST

I know this is off topic, but you guys appear to be my only hope. Do any of you remember an American TV movie about a boy and his stuffed dinosaur that he could talk to? There was one scene where he took it into school and a bully ripped some of the stuffing out of it. I also remember the dinosaur getting angry and biting him. I'm trying to find the name of this film for a friend as it means a lot to them. Thanks.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/03/2005 02:51 PM EST

The first JAWS, directed by Steven Speilberg, was an excellent movie and one of my favourite flicks of all time. The second one wasn't all that bad also, but stay away from #3 and 4. Yeesh...

Chestnuts roasted by A.J. Poirier @ 01/03/2005 03:19 PM EST

Well, there are red and green peppers called chiles.

Never seen any of the Jaws films in full. But a recent bad but so good film I've seen was the Sci-Fi original "Puppetmaster vs. Demonic Toys" with Corey Feldman.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 01/03/2005 03:20 PM EST

Ah, yes. The new Corey Feldman vehicle. Just comb some powder in his hair and suddenly he's the father of a girl about 5 years his junior. Can you believe he's spawned? He named the poor kid Zen, too. How pretentious can you get.

I see Corey Haim has a new movie coming out, also - Universal Groove. I wonder if he can pull himself out of the pit he's dug. Of course, if he can, he won't be as much fun.
Oh, looks like he had an entire BWoC episode written for him: http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/GuidePageServlet/showid-2701/epid-64032

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/03/2005 04:04 PM EST

Big Wolf on Campus was a fun show. I wish it was still on.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 01/03/2005 06:21 PM EST

God bless you, Mario Van Peebles. Sonny Spoons was the best show EVAH!

Chestnuts roasted by Satyrday @ 01/03/2005 09:58 PM EST

To that person wondering about the stuffed dinosaur show...could it be "Denver the Last Dinosaur?"

Me and my brother were obsessed with dinosaurs and had our parents tape anything dinosaur-related on television...Denver the Last Dinosaur was one of these programs as was a dinosaur special hosted by Christopher Reeve...These tapes were amazing

Now that I think about it however, I recall Denver coming to life off some billboard or sign on a bus...ah, who knows...but thanks for bringing back the memories!

By the way, thanks for the input on "Orca." Ever since I heard of it I've been dying to see it. I can understand how you really wanted to like it, because I feel the same way and I have not even seen it yet.

Chestnuts roasted by Jimbuktu @ 01/03/2005 11:11 PM EST

Damn, Ishtar, Ishtar, Ishtar baby. Is it just me or does HBO keep showing this film every week. What the hell are they on, that movie sucks so bad that my TV tries to turn itself off if I try to watch it.

And I pay for this service. Damn Sopranos.

Chestnuts roasted by TurkT @ 01/03/2005 11:33 PM EST

Dude, you can probably trade that DVD in to EB for like, 5 bucks. They pay stupid prices for used DVDs. Store credit for video games is awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Cleckmoon @ 01/04/2005 01:46 AM EST

Chris, I think the movie you're looking for was called "Living WIth Dinosaurs." It may have originally aired as an episode of the Jim Henson Hour.

On the subject of Mario Van Peebles, I just picked up his film BAADASSSSS for free (thanks to a $10 Blockbuster gift card won in a prize drawing at work, and the used DVD section of Blockbuster) and I have to admit, it's a really, REALLY good movie.

It still doesnt make up for Highlander III though.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 01/04/2005 02:56 AM EST

Thanks Hellpop!, that was the one.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/04/2005 10:26 AM EST

I've always wanted to watch and like Orca too. Well, I was put to the test for the first time yesterday when I found it airing on TV. I could only stand twenty or so minutes of it. Maybe if I had been drinking or had the cast of MST to trade jokes with... but alone and sober it was just too boring.

Thanks for the Denver the Last Dinosaur mentioning. Now I can't get its incomplete theme song out of my head. "Denver the last dinosaur, he's your friend and a whole lot more.... something, something, something... Denver the last dinosaur."

Chestnuts roasted by Law Girl @ 01/04/2005 10:58 AM EST

Law Girl- it's "shows me a world I never saw before"....now when you have that song in your head, at least it'll be more complete! Man, I used to love that show..."Denver the Last Dinosaur, he's my friend and a whole lot more...."...dammit.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 01/04/2005 11:31 AM EST

All this talk of Denver, now I want an omelete. Omlette? Umlaut? Eggses anyway.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/04/2005 11:44 AM EST

Would that be a dinosaur egg omlette?

And thanks Muppet Baby for the complete lyrics for me to sing around the house today.

Chestnuts roasted by Law Girl @ 01/04/2005 12:48 PM EST

How could an evening at Matt's house possibly be boring? The EvilDead Trilogy is always a rockin good time when you don't know what else to watch... that or Zombie 5, which should be reviewed on the site. Bruce Campbell does all of the narration and secondary characters have strangely familiar names like "Dr. Savini" and "Miss Romero" and Dr Raimi. Humorously lacking in creativity. Has anyone else seen that movie?

Chestnuts roasted by ANdrew @ 01/04/2005 01:10 PM EST

Will Eisner has passed away:
http://www.newsarama.com/pages/Eisner.htm

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/04/2005 04:28 PM EST

Will Eisner has passed away:
http://www.newsarama.com/pages/Eisner.htm

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/04/2005 04:28 PM EST

it's 10-cent movies not 50...i hate jaws

Chestnuts roasted by nelson @ 01/04/2005 07:40 PM EST

i hate jaws

Chestnuts roasted by sireture @ 01/04/2005 07:41 PM EST

I could never get it how after the characters travel, the shark follows. What is this? Jaws has access to someone's flight itinerary?

Chestnuts roasted by Bert Raccoon @ 01/04/2005 09:26 PM EST

A bit of Jaws trivia: After Jaws 2 failed to meet Universal's expectations,they planned to turn it over to the National Lampoon people,who wrote a screenplay for a comedy titled Jaws 3,People 0,written by John Hughes. It was about a shark terrorizing a movie set during the filming of a shark movie. But Steven Spielberg heard about it and didn't want the franchise turned into a farce,so Universal shelved it,and went with the Jaws 3 we're familiar with today.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 01/05/2005 12:08 AM EST

Me and my friends try to do a weekly "Saturday Night Crap-Fest" Or sometimes it's a crap-o-rama, it varies. Get a few drinks in us and watch a really bad movie.

Past inductees?
Not Another Teen Movie
Scary Movie 3
Caddyshack 2

There are others, I can't remember them. Most of these movies require many drinks, and the night ends up hazy.

Chestnuts roasted by Tony @ 01/05/2005 02:51 AM EST

You should involve Problem Child 2 in one of those nights...it is GOD-AWFUL!

Chestnuts roasted by Jimbuktu @ 01/05/2005 11:46 AM EST

Jaws on Broadway: This Time, It's Musical!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash sides with the jumping beans, mang. @ 01/05/2005 01:50 PM EST

Jaws III is an abomination, I do agree. But Jaws II was up there with Jaws in my book.(That's a good thing!) And it beats the hell out of TV or any Lou Diamond Phillips movie on a dead night. Does anybody remember the name of that movie Prince directed, wrote, and starred in? And has anyone been able to get a hold of Salo for under $200 in the last five years?

Chestnuts roasted by echoslove_4 @ 01/05/2005 02:39 PM EST

echoslove_4: do you mean Prince's masterpiece "Purple Rain"?

/why would doves cry?

Chestnuts roasted by KillaHill @ 01/05/2005 02:57 PM EST

I have honestly never even heard of Orca..please explain.

Chestnuts roasted by Evil Meanie @ 01/05/2005 03:16 PM EST

echo:
Under the Cherry Moon (1986)
Sign 'o' the Times (1987)
Graffiti Bridge (1990)

Haven't seen Cherry Moon or the concert film, but Grafitti should be added to anyones worst film list. I believe Grafitti Bridge (the Purple Rain sequel) was shot entirely inside Prince's Paisley Park complex, and it shows.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/05/2005 04:24 PM EST

"Orca" is about an Orca who saw his pregnant mate get gutted on a fishing boat, the unborn baby spilling out and dying on the deck. Mad with greif, he goes on a rampage on the ship's crew. While an intrigueing idea for a movie, it comes of as a low-rent Jaws rip-off. The Killer Whale should have had a gun, and the voice of Stallone.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash was no boat accident @ 01/05/2005 05:30 PM EST

I have to tell someone, and where better? I just picked up my very own UNICRON (finally). Best of all, I didn't have to pay huge prices for it--$20 in store! That made me happy.

Say, Matt, how's the fish tank doing these days?

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 01/05/2005 06:37 PM EST

I just bought Orca on DVD this week -- expect a review soon.

They're doing great, Sean! Thinking of adding a few smaller Geos to the tank so the big one can finally start his harem. Assuming it's a him.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/05/2005 07:34 PM EST

I wish that movie Orca came after the Free Willy trilogy because it could been rename Free Willy 4: when killer whales attack.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 01/05/2005 08:44 PM EST

Ah, Orca. I remember watching that movie at my Grandparents' house many years ago with my cousins. I just loved watching that big ol' whale smash up stuff. Also loved the end on the ice floes; it was so satisfying.

I'm sure if I tried to watch it now I'd fall asleep.

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny Trilobite @ 01/05/2005 10:41 PM EST

I've never seen Orca, so i am looking forward to a possible Matt review!

Law Girl- No problem- I like to encourage people to sing the theme songs of 80s cartoons whenever possible!

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 01/06/2005 01:28 AM EST

Keep dropping the knowledge, Muppet Baby. Anybody know where I could find the theme song to the old Pole Position cartoon? That used to have me bouncing in my bean bag in the early morning (Please don't take that metaphorically). *sigh* Good times.

Chestnuts roasted by Snake-Eyes @ 01/06/2005 04:17 AM EST

Snake-Eyes, under multimedia:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/9746/pole/

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/06/2005 10:45 AM EST

Snake-Eyes, under multimedia:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/9746/pole/

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/06/2005 10:45 AM EST

I lik candy

Chestnuts roasted by safa1 @ 01/06/2005 11:10 AM EST

I lik candy

Chestnuts roasted by safa1 @ 01/06/2005 11:10 AM EST

"....Like your parents before you, you are the driving force of Pole Position!" Pole Posi-tion!
..and that's as far as I get. I always wanted toys of the cars.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/06/2005 11:49 AM EST

Speaking of Orca, am I just suffering one of my hallucinations, or was there a movie about a marine biologist who trains whales to fight a giant squid (or octopus, I can't remember)?

Googling...ahhh, TENTACLES! Here's the plot description from IMDB: "An enormous and angry octopus besieges an ocean harbor town after a greedy construction owner (Henry Fonda) made a tunnel in the ocean and disturbed it's home. Bo Hopkins, Shelley Winters and John Huston go out to sea along with killer whales to track it down and kill it."

Note that 3 of the 4 actors mentioned above are Oscar winners.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 01/06/2005 12:24 PM EST

Squidward Tentacles?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/06/2005 12:40 PM EST

I have the book "I hated, Hated, Hated, This Movie" which is a compilation of Roger Ebert's most entertainingly scathing reviews of cheesy movies, and Jaws: The Revenge is one of the most prominent ones.

"I believe that the shark wants revenge against Mrs. Brody. I do. I really do believe it. After all, her husband was one of the men who hunted this shark down and killed it, blowing it to bits. And what shark wouldn't want revenge against the survivors of the men who killed it?

Here are some things, however, that I do not believe:

-That Mrs. Brody could be haunted by flashbacks to events where she was not present and, in some cases, no survivors witnessed.

-That the movie would give us one shark attack as a dream sequence, have thew hero wake up in a sweat, the give us a second shark attack, and then cut to the hero awake in bed, giving us the only thing worse than the old "it's only a dream" routine, which is the old "is it a dream or not?" routine.

-That Mrs. Brody would commandeer a boat and sail out alone on the ocean to sacrifice herself to the shark, so that the killing could end. That Caine's character could or would crash-landhis airplane at sea so that he and two other men could swim to Mrs. Brody's rescue.

-That after being trapped in a sinking airplane by the shark and disappearing under the water, Caine could survive the attack, swim to the boat, and climb on board--not only completely unhurt but wearing a shirt and pants that are not even wet.

-That the shark would stand on its tail in the water long enough for a boat to ram it.

-That the director, Joseph Sargent, would film this final climactic scene so incompetently that there is not even an establishing shot, so we have to ffigure out what happened on the basis of empirical evidence."

Chestnuts roasted by TB Tabby @ 01/06/2005 02:14 PM EST

Here are some more Jaws knock-offs:

Mako: The Jaws of Death (1976)
Tintorera (1977)
Piranha (1978)
Barracuda (1978)
Up from the Depths (1979)
The Last Shark (1981)
Piranha Part Two: The Spawning (1981)
Devilfish (1984)

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/06/2005 02:20 PM EST

Man.

I loved Pole Position.

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny Trilobite @ 01/06/2005 04:23 PM EST

Not only have I seen Jaws: the Revenge several times, but I read the *novelization* at least once.

My God, was I a loser kid.

Chestnuts roasted by Poe Ghostal @ 01/06/2005 04:27 PM EST

You are not alone. For some unknown reason I was drawn into reading Jaws: the Revenge as a child.

I guess I was hopeful that it would redeem the awfulness that was Jaws 3. alas...

Chestnuts roasted by abiker @ 01/06/2005 08:45 PM EST

wow this movie was bad

Chestnuts roasted by Matt w @ 01/06/2005 08:48 PM EST

::A bit of Jaws trivia: After Jaws 2 failed to meet Universal's expectations,they planned to turn it over to the National Lampoon people,who wrote a screenplay for a comedy titled Jaws 3,People 0,written by John Hughes. ::

I'd heard about that. Am I the only one that thinks that would have been awesome? Damn you, Spielberg. Like what they did come up with was sooo much better.

Chestnuts roasted by KayM @ 01/06/2005 09:35 PM EST

The absolute BEST Jaws ripoff is Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. If you haven't seen this film, do so immediately. It contains not only the most hilarious shark attack scenes known to man, but the most blatantly obscene and embarrassing pickup line known to man. It rules.

Chestnuts roasted by rex @ 01/06/2005 10:58 PM EST

Santa's Slay (2005)
http://viking.necrolounge.com/archives/02_small_santa_fs.jpg

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/06/2005 11:11 PM EST

hehe, Jaws 3 just started on TNT, so I gotta watch it. Yeah, that's all. Oh, Lou Gossett Jr. is no match for the Mighty Van Peebles!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 01/07/2005 01:16 AM EST

sorry for the double post, but I just remembered what Poe Ghostal and abiker said about reading Jaws: the Revenge book. Well, I had the pleasure of owning not one, but two copies of the Jaws 2 Readers Digest Condensed Book. It was only about 100 pages worth of a big book with like 4 condensed novels in it, so even though it was bad to read, it was over fast!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 01/07/2005 01:22 AM EST

Hey, kidneyboy, I've been looking for you. I finally, finally, FINALLY got the last Dark Tower book on loan from the library (I put myself on the waiting list in October and I finally got the cal on Xmas Eve). What did you think about the ending? Email me and we can discuss it, if you want.

On topic: I read the first Jaws book by Peter Whatshisname. Can you believe that he had Matt Hooper and Ellen Brody have an affair? How bad would that have effed up the movie? Jeez, it's a good thing they didn't let his write the screenplay.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/07/2005 08:23 AM EST

Benchly wrote the story before the movie. The whole shmegeggy was partialy based on a series of attacks along the Jersey coast around the turn of the century. The part where the townsfolk go on a shark-huntin' frenzy actually happened back then. The poor critter swam up a river at one point, causing its inner salt balance to go all wonky, and that was when the fun really began.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash heard "CandyGram." @ 01/07/2005 11:49 AM EST

Not only was Jaws 3 on TNT last night but it was followed by The Deep. I'm not sure exactly what The Deep was about but I did see a giant eel try to eat Nick Nolte.

Chestnuts roasted by Law Girl @ 01/07/2005 01:21 PM EST

THIS IS GONNA BE RAD! I'm the biggest loser nerd geek off here! Watch me kick mad lines and trivia from the cinematic opus JAWS THE REVENGE!!

As you watch the film see if you can spot when the location changes from the actual Bahamian coast to the tank at Universal's backlot. EASY! Just watch for the water to change from bright marine blue to dark industrial black as the shots progress.

"No! YOu must be hungry. I'LL MAKE FETTUCINI!! -Ellen trying to yank a pot through the dishwasher door.

"Mommy watch me!" Repeated 9783 times by Tia while she swings on the rope with the little napheads. (sad note: that child actress was murdered by her sick as fuck father.)

"Maybe you crapped out flapping your lips about Hoagie!" Jake, sensing Michael's imminent homosexual attraction to Michael Caine's character

The following lines are repeated by Hoagie twice to snap Ellen out of her shark obsessed daze. Each time I watch the movie,he says the first line, and then I say "Once more for the jamaicans!" and he says it again.

"Ellen, try and start the engine...Ellen! Try and start the engine!"

"Ellen, come about...Ellen! Come
about!"

and no doubt the absolute best line in the entire franchise goes to Lance Guest.

"......I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed about it since I was a kid."

RUUNER UP going to Roy Scheider in the original JAWS

"All ahead..I can go all ahead, why don't you come down here and chum some of this shit!"

Man that was fun! I am ready for your abuse! Please tell me to get a :life, girlfriend, hobby, a job, a place in politics, a religion, a better sequel. I WELCOME YOU!

Chestnuts roasted by MAT @ 01/07/2005 07:27 PM EST

Was there movie years back about people getting attack by sharks (I beleive they were in a underwater lab), but these were not your normal sharks as these sharks were given an intellegent boost thanks to the scientists of the lab? Do you guys know the name of that movie?

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 01/07/2005 08:16 PM EST

Deep Blue Sea?

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/07/2005 08:33 PM EST

So yeah, after watching Jaws 3 last night...whew. I also would say that Jaws the Revenge is a BETTER movie than part 3. Because it _is_ pretty funny to watch Mrs. Brody go all crack-nuts; and film slut that he is, Micheal Caine is a pretty enjoyable actor to watch. He brings a kind of trashy class to a film.

psst...MVPeebles me ASAP.

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 01/07/2005 09:46 PM EST

I always preferred Jaws 3(D) as a kid, and I barely remember 2, but now if I'm flipping channels and catch them showing the Indianapolis speech, I'm hooked until the end of the movie every time. I've probably seen the last twenty minutes a hundred times (damn AMC). I tried to get through some of the holiday showing of Revenge, but after 400 consecutive non-shark related scenes I had to give up.
The Carnivale banner ad on the Q*Bert Report is getting me all anticipitory. Everybody, click the ad and send Matt money! Then watch the show! Trajeal, are you gonna screen any DVDs before the main event on Sunday? I've been saving up the Rodrigo Garcia commentary to watch right beforehand, but Arrested Dev. is on at the same time. Decisions, decisions.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/07/2005 10:26 PM EST

Overlord and KayM: I think Jaws 3, People 0 would have a clever and damn good movie. If they made a sequel (quadquel?) to that in 2005, I would name it something like "Jaws: The Jawsening" or..."Jaws Goes To White Castle".

Just 90 minutes or so of Jaws taking public transportation (cause he doesn't have a license, unless I'm missing something) on his way to crazy adventures and savoring White Castle burgers.

Then again, no one would give anybody (especially me) funding to make such a movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Dr. Acula @ 01/07/2005 11:02 PM EST

TNT plays the movies mentioned in these comments two nights in a row???

last night was Jaws 3 and tonight is Deep Blue Sea.

Chestnuts roasted by Law Girl @ 01/07/2005 11:12 PM EST

Whoa - that's weird- TNT has ESP.

Oddly enough, a few blog weeks back, Matt asked about our favorite death scenes in a movie, and I said Samuel L. Jackson getting eaten by the shark in Deep Blue Sea! I NEVER saw it coming- he was the star of the movie and he got EATEN 20 minutes in!

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 01/08/2005 02:04 AM EST

How come the soundtrack for the movie Cocktail was so upbeat when the movie was so depressing? Slash designed the GNR pinball machine. Arm your Linux machines. Go R2D2! Rah! Rah!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt's Cretacean Lawyer @ 01/08/2005 03:26 AM EST

Man, it's been forever since I've posted here... Too busy playing with my little girl I suppose. She's so cute. BTW congrats EMajorwitz, when that kid is born it's going to be the happiest moment of your life. Try not to get pooped on during the first month! Anyways, Matt, I haven't been getting here as often as I used to, but keep the good work going over here. I got lazy just after starting to get some word of mouth and my readership on stupid5pin.com went waaaayyyy down. I'm going to e-mail you about something man, make sure you get back to me.

Chestnuts roasted by SKiTZo from stupid5pin.com @ 01/08/2005 05:17 AM EST

Ya know, I click that Carnivale link every time I see it, no matter what site I'm on and how many times it's brought me to the same place. I am jsut so excited about tomorrow night. It's been, what, 13 months since the season finale? Man. I've also watched the entire season of Carnivale over the past week (I was weak and listened w/ the commentary on after watching it w/o). I've been wanting to ask you, squee - what was promised on the DVD collection that was missing? Cuz if you tell me that there was supposed to be commentary on Babylon and then they renigged, I am going to scream. I still don't get that episode. Seeing Dora Mae at the end on our big screen was too much. I was a little surprised to find out that quite a few of the "important" things to the series (like the Cootch family) were added as afterthoughts. They seem integral to the plot now, like how could the series have happened w/o them?
I'm sure I'll be on here w/ my carefully written notes at 10:01 tomorrow night. Email me and we can discuss everything. :-)

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/08/2005 10:21 AM EST

wasn't the only reason Michael Caine was in Jaws 4 so he could go on a vacation, or was that Blame it on Rio.

Chestnuts roasted by dr mindbender @ 01/08/2005 11:38 AM EST

National Lampoon's....
Grand Shark Auto?
Great White Gone Wild?
Not Another Shark Movie?
To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Bruce the Shark?
La Cage Au Shark?
Mrs. Sharkfire?
The Fast and The Cartilaginous?
Manos, the Sharks of Fate?
Barbershark?
Tinfins?

I could go on, but I think I popped loose a connector somewhere in my bwain. Hook up the cable, girlies, mommy's worms need the spumoni!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/08/2005 03:15 PM EST

DEEP BLUE SEA!? A MOTHERF*&$@! SHARK ATE ME!

Great Chappelle Show moment.

Mario Van Peebles was also great as X in Exterminator 2, very diabolical.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 01/08/2005 07:15 PM EST

I'll bite. Hee!

Stand by My Shark?
The Sharkinator?
Shark Club?
Oh, Shark, Where Art Thou?
Three Sharks?
Harold & Kumar Go To the Aquarium?
Stanley and Cartilage?
Man in the Fish Belly?
The BreakShark Club?
Sharku?
Beauty & the Shark?

This is addicting. Ok, I'll stop.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/09/2005 08:33 AM EST

I used to watch Jaws The Revenge a lot when i was a kid, n i used to always think i was kinda stupid cos some of it made so little sense - only now am i realising that its because its a completely shit film.

I'd much rather watch Michael Caine in a Muppet Christmas Carol. That film is cheery as fuck. And at least that doesnt have a shark with cables and machinery sticking out of the bottom of it... its like they werent even trying to hide the fact it wasnt a real shark. Dicks. People who make shit films are fucked up.

Chestnuts roasted by Gerardo Atomico @ 01/09/2005 11:08 AM EST

The Fast and The Cartilaginous, LOL. Lemony Sharkmeat's A Series of Unfortunate Buffets? I'm no good at this...
psst, traj, they were supposed to include footage from the Museum of Television and Radio panel on the DVD, but it didn't come through. You might remember I posted in the blog that I was at the panel; here are the pics.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/09/2005 03:41 PM EST

squee4242, I am no Carnivale fan, but I like Twin Peaks, and that is awesome you were able to meet Michael Anderson! And Mr. Krabs!! Arrr--r-r-r-r. I am sure Trajeal will get a thrill out of those pics too!

Off-topic for I was wondering if you had any interest in old MOTU comic books. I don't have the actual books, but they are all scanned and fine for reading on the PC. I have all the mini-comics, plus the DC 3 parter, the Marvel ones, the Image comics line, the movie tie-in comic...and The Power of the Evil Horde, with mp3's that were on the record/tape.

I think they are pretty damn cool, and I have a feeling you would get a kick out of them...if you don't already own them all!!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 01/09/2005 05:02 PM EST

Hey, I remember looking at those pictures, squee! Man, you are so lucky. Is Clancy's voice as hot in real life as it is on the show? I swear, if they put out a CD of him reading the phonebook, I would buy it. Has your sister ever emailed Mr. Anderson? I wouldn't even know what to say. I got ahold of Christopher Walken's email address and I just sit there, staring at it and wondering what on earth I could write to him about w/o sounding like a complete dumbass.

Topic, uh... maybe Management is a robotic shark?

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/09/2005 08:36 PM EST

Oh yes it most certainly is (Clancy's voice, that is). Though I have to admit I got a bigger thrill out of the Mister Krabs voice than anything else. (Okay, I promise, off to TWOP with the Carnivale junk.)

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/11/2005 12:38 AM EST

This article (http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/373.html) was CLASSIC! Pure Genius!

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 01/12/2005 10:29 AM EST

How the hell does the shark follow the Brodys from Massachusetts to f'n Jamaica????

This movie sucks, but is probably the most comedy of the Jaws films.

PEEBLES rules. Baaaaadasssss was an amazing Peebles joint.

Chestnuts roasted by REMARFAN @ 01/12/2005 11:52 AM EST

Two great things in Jaws: The Revenge
1) The opening voice-over which actually says something along the lines of "...Some things defy explanation." (Like why anybody would voluntarily watch Jaws: The Revenge)
2) I like the way Mrs. Brody can have flashbacks to events she didn't personally witness.

Chestnuts roasted by Tyler @ 01/17/2005 05:30 PM EST