01/02/2005 Entry: "The Adventures of Q*Bert!"

An X-Entertainment Book Report: it's one of my favorite literary masterpieces from kid-dom, starring the one and only Q*Bert. From Parker Bruddas in 1983, The Adventures of Q*Bert is the scattered tale of an orange hero, his green friends, their purple enemies, and the mountain of bricks. I've held onto this one since childhood (it's one of the few that weren't repurchased specifically to review), deciding it was finally time to massacre the binding and send it reeling through my half-broken scanner so I could waste the last precious hours of my holiday vacation writing about it. Ugg.

Chestnuts roasted by Monster Dog @ 01/02/2005 06:40 PM EST

maybe i am very very slow...but i just realized that q-bert is kinda in the shape of the letter Q

after all these years, who knew?

Chestnuts roasted by Gerv @ 01/02/2005 06:48 PM EST

Cool, I get to make one of the early comments! Anyway, QBert was cool. Did you know that the original name for QBert was going to be the obscenity that he said when he lost a life in the video game? Of course, nobody would have known how to pronounce it.

The QBert cartoons on Saturday Supercade were neat. I thought it was one of the better segments (along with Kangaroo) and the setting of a 50s decade combined with a futuristic look was cool. Hell, I think the Fonz would approve.

Chestnuts roasted by Bert Raccoon @ 01/02/2005 06:56 PM EST

...and how the hell could Slick and Sam tie a not in Ugg's tail if they don't have any arms or hands????

Chestnuts roasted by Gerv @ 01/02/2005 07:02 PM EST

Ahhh, Q Bert. I don't remember the Saturday Supercade cartoons, but the Boardwalk Mall Arcade in Wildwood has a working Q Bert game machine that I've fed many, many quarters in an attempt to avoid Ugg, Coiley, et al. I'm no better at it now than I was when I could barely reach the controllers. It IS still a cute game, though. Would have LOVED that book as a kid myself, despite the lame ending.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/02/2005 09:29 PM EST

nice article Matt
does anyone remember the Q-bert board game? anyone? how about the pac-man board game

i know i can't be totally crazy here

Chestnuts roasted by Gene @ 01/02/2005 09:32 PM EST

Oh man, that story looked liked some sort of polt I would have came up with when I was a child, the best part was when one of the friends of Q*bert said "Don't be a drip!" how wonderful..oh and BTW Matt the date is wrong at the bottom!

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 01/02/2005 09:37 PM EST

Thanks for the review, Matt. I actually had this very book as a child, so it was fun trip down memory lane for me. Between my crippling head cold and PS2 that refuses to work properly (if I see the words "Disc Read Error" one more time, I'm climbing a bell tower!), this really cheered me up.

And if I'm not mistaken, 66$$# meant, "Whew, that was a close one." Am I right?

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 01/02/2005 10:04 PM EST

Ah..Q-Bert...how do we love thee. Q-bert tried making a comeback, does anybody remember that?

Chestnuts roasted by Warx @ 01/02/2005 10:17 PM EST

Sam sounds frighteningly like Regis Philbin.

Chestnuts roasted by Josh @ 01/02/2005 10:46 PM EST

Unlike The X-Men, who were forced by Marvel to become The X-Ecutioners, DJ QBert luckily still has his name.

If you haven't seen it, I recommend picking up DJ Qbert's Wave Twisters: The Movie on DVD.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/02/2005 11:25 PM EST

Yeaaaaaaaaaahhh ME definitely has the right idea when it comes to music. Two superior sounds right there.......

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/03/2005 03:14 AM EST

So, Q*Bert is oval shaped, and Slick and Sam are teardrop shaped. But, the rest of the town/country are qubed shaped. Hmmm... Maybe the reason for Q*Bert's madness is his desire to be accepted into the qlick? He wants everyone to love him as much as they love the square shaped chicken assholes and sharp cornered raindrops. He just wants love, man.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/03/2005 09:00 AM EST

I never read that book as a child. However, I do remember watching the Saturday Supercade cartoons.
Gene - I remember seeing the QBert board game last year at a yard sale. I kick myself for not picking it up. I want to play it now (dammit!) I loved the Pac Man board game too, with the multi-colored pac men.

Chestnuts roasted by Croww @ 01/03/2005 11:07 AM EST

Q-Bert werd gemaakt in een document mache pinata door mij toen ik lad was. Wij slaan het suikergoed uit vacuüm besnuffelde bastaard... Ik ook am bastaard.

Chestnuts roasted by msa @ 01/03/2005 11:46 AM EST

Q*bert is one of my favorite games, right under Pac-Man. Let's see, I have it for my NES, the Atari 2600 version, and a recent handheld version that lets you choose between the classic pyramid or more complicated qube arrangements. It was made by Tiger and has a little joystick to plug in to give a arcade-like vibe to it.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/03/2005 12:14 PM EST

Looking at the page with the "Keep out" sign, Q-bert looks like he's cursing.

I'm kinda surprise that no one has developed a revamped Q-bert game like they are doing with every other video game property. Even Pac-Man got a new game a year ago.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 01/03/2005 03:42 PM EST

This was a very good read. Been a long time since I've laughed out loud staring at the computer screen. And I always thought Q*Bert WAS qursing when I was Coiled or Ugg'd! Guess he was just talking in Q's. Next book report: The Super Mario Brothers book whose name I forget!

Chestnuts roasted by Armagideon Time @ 01/03/2005 04:27 PM EST

Gene,
I HAD the Q-Bert boardgame!! I couldn't tell you how to play it. I never figured that darn thing out. All I remember was the board which of course was the mountain of cubes that had holes that you would stick those discs that Q-Bert jumped on or something..and the plastic playing pieces which were basically that with stickers of the characters' pictures on them. So no you're not losing it. Oh by the way, Matt if you're reading, did you ever own the QBert joke book? I had that. It was hardcover and had all these dopey kids' jokes but cool pics of Qbert and the gang.

Chestnuts roasted by Melissa Y. @ 01/03/2005 04:35 PM EST

Ok, Matt may not want emails regarding the roles of Sam and Slick, but this is bothering me. What did they do in the game? Didn't one turn the changed cubes back to the original color? What did the other do? I know there was a green ball that made Q*Bert invincible for a while (at least on the Atari 2600 version).

(And bonus points for those that spelled 'Q*Bert' with an asterisk.)

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/03/2005 04:43 PM EST

And thanks for the random Scatman shoutout on the background.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/03/2005 04:45 PM EST

I have but one childhood Q*Bert memory. When I was probably 4 or 5, I had the Q*Bert coloring book. I think I preferred Coily to be orange rather than purple, opening the door to a plot twist where Coily and Q*Bert are actually brothers!

Chestnuts roasted by Frostor @ 01/03/2005 05:23 PM EST

Does anyone else wonder why the sun is round but the rain is square? That really bothered me for some reason. I think I need my head examined...

Chestnuts roasted by Jillybeann @ 01/03/2005 06:15 PM EST

Right On! I so love qbert. it was the only other game i had besides combat and bowling for a long time when i was younger, like age 6-11 or 12, i got it, pac man and my atari 2600 before dad passed on, some mexican kid stole my pacman. the q*bert cart is in my dresser and the Combat is in my mom's keepsake dresser. Later on in life i've been replacing games that got taken away. Q*bert for Dreamcast i believe is one of the more recent incarnations, its good, but no 2600 version. I have a q*bert blue tray i use fer rollin' sometimes, it rox, about 1/4 inch plus deep, and about 8+ inches square so its perfecto. I have the Pac Man board game, i bought it the same time i bought my copy of the Tron hardcover book. The 1st video game board game i remember playing was 1980 or '81, and it was Frogger. I also bought the box top for the Zaxxon board game, and put it up on my bedroom door. it rox.!! Oh, also, i don't recommend going back in time and playing qbert at that bus termiinal in Los Angeles in 1988 or 1989 with all the ciggy burns on it, it takes yr cash and the control is jacked.
happy 2005 everyone! ch33rs.

Chestnuts roasted by obelisk @ 01/03/2005 07:04 PM EST

Hey Gene, your not crazy I had a pac man Board game when I was a kid, has plastic ghosts and it seemed like if memory serves me right the pac men could really collect the marbles that were around the board. Oddly enough the marbles went missing right after a trial round of HHH (Hungry Hungry Hippos)one night with my cousins.

Chestnuts roasted by Fast Framin Tessa @ 01/03/2005 08:37 PM EST

Pac Man and QBert weren't the only video games turned into board games.

Double Dragon, Donkey Kong, Super Mario Bros., Frogger, and Popeye were also turned into board games. Hmmph, all the fun of the video game my ass! The games never did well because they were too complex. I remember the SMB and Popeye board games were so annoying because each turn you had to move fifty little pieces on the board.

Chestnuts roasted by Bert Raccoon @ 01/03/2005 08:43 PM EST

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=45101&item=3863499471&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Here's to nostalagia I managed to find the darn thing. I havent thought about that game in years.... I wonder if its still at the old house...hmmmm.

Chestnuts roasted by Fast Framin Tessa @ 01/03/2005 08:48 PM EST

I knew i wasn't crazy, only thing i really remember about the qbert board game was the cardboard coily's. pacman yeah from what i recall the pacmen opened and closed and actually ate the marbles.

thanx guys for confirming i'm actually sane

Chestnuts roasted by Gene @ 01/03/2005 09:18 PM EST

I could never figure out how to play... I had the NES version and I couldn't figure out what to do at all. So you change the blocks to other colors by hopping on them? Ohh... I feel so stupid...

Chestnuts roasted by Adrastia @ 01/04/2005 01:18 AM EST

Matt reviewed the Pac-Man game: http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0770/

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/04/2005 08:13 AM EST

Use Q-bert language as a replacement for AOL speak!

Chestnuts roasted by dfdfgdfg @ 01/04/2005 09:17 AM EST

I wonder if I could find scans of the board games that used to come in cereal. Sugar Crisp once had a contest with Coleco Tabletop Arcade Games as the prizes, and there were corresponding board games for each game. I had Donkey Kong. Two players could play, with one controlling the barrels as they moved down the board. Think I'll go look it up.....

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash vs a big gorilla @ 01/04/2005 11:52 AM EST

I had a q*bert lunchbox in kindergarden.I love me some q*bert!

Chestnuts roasted by jamie @ 01/04/2005 02:16 PM EST

I forgot to post the link before, but retro gamer fans should enjoy the blocky work of director Ben Dawkins:
http://www.bendawkins.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/04/2005 03:38 PM EST

In the game, Sam and Slick would hop in occassionally to screw up the color scheme, and Q*Bert could catch them for bonus points, hence the book's strange conceit of them being bumbling friends... so what's this crap about them being Q*Bert's backup guys, helping him to victory? They can beat the crap out of the snake? Riiiiight. And if they've been following him all the way up this mountain of cubes-- er, Qubes-- then Q*Bert would constantly be backtracking, trying to clean up their recoloring mess. He wouldn't get past the first three layers before he became hungry and ate those two counterproductive bastards.

Chestnuts roasted by BassVox @ 01/04/2005 04:38 PM EST

How can you talk about Q*bert without mentioning Q*dina? I see she wasn't in the book and all but still...she never got enough publicity...

Chestnuts roasted by D.S.B @ 01/04/2005 04:56 PM EST

Zelda also had a board game. Never played it. But Matt also reviewed the DK board game, and the Tetris board game.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 01/04/2005 07:53 PM EST

I had that book once. I lost it. Oddly enough, I don't remember ever having the book and playing Q*Bert in the same time period...

Speaking of video game books, I've got two "Choose Your Own Adventure" Mario books. One's based on Mario Advance and came out in 2001, the other's from the 80's and based on SMB3.

Chestnuts roasted by Gooper Blooper @ 01/05/2005 11:22 AM EST

Clicky my name for a site with a decent version of Q*bert!

Chestnuts roasted by king*klash said @#*!! @ 01/05/2005 03:13 PM EST

"...and how the hell could Slick and Sam tie a not in Ugg's tail if they don't have any arms or hands????"

The same way that Strong Bad types with boxing gloves on!

Chestnuts roasted by Blue Eagle @ 01/05/2005 08:43 PM EST

Don't you wonder if Q*Bert sucks up food through his snout? If so, those square apples must really make his eyes tear when he's trying to snort one down.

I was SO disappointed when those flying discs that would wisk Q*Bert safely to the top of the mountain were not involved in the big climactic ending. They could have worked it in somehow. JERKS!

Chestnuts roasted by Melanie @ 01/06/2005 09:08 AM EST

Yahoo has a downloadable Q*Bert game, which includes the classic version and some updated version. My dad's nearly addicted to it right now.

I have the Q*Bert game for my old Atari 800 computer. It's a fun game. Interestingly, I've never seen the arcade version, but I wonder if Q*Bert can shoot the "slippy doos" or whatever from his snout like he did on the cartoon.

They did make an updated Q*Bert game recently, but I don't know for what systems.

Chestnuts roasted by ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot @ 01/06/2005 11:15 AM EST

A proposed name for Q*bert was "Snots and Boogers" but they opted out of Q shooting big greenies out his long ol' snoot. The cartoon was the only place Slippy*doos were mentioned/used.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash made it to the Noser Elite a few times @ 01/06/2005 11:53 AM EST

my friend's dad was one of the guys who created the original Q-Bert.

Chestnuts roasted by foxinsocks @ 01/06/2005 04:48 PM EST

foxinsocks, please tell your friend's dad that he rocks!

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/06/2005 08:38 PM EST

i had this book - do farts come out of your ass and puke on the floor love uterus

Chestnuts roasted by I'm awfully flaky @ 01/07/2005 01:22 AM EST

Jeff lee, that's the guys name. I forget what his job is now, but it has nothing to do with computer games. his son makes funny faces and listens to the lillingtons and skate boards. The lillingtons are pretty good.

Chestnuts roasted by foxinsocks @ 01/07/2005 02:14 AM EST

The History of Q*Bert
As recalled by Jeff Lee

The Onion AV Club Archives Q*Bert co-creator Jeff Lee
Good Deal Games - Interview: Jeff Lee

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/07/2005 01:33 PM EST

Q*bert is one of the best games ever. a few test cabinets were sent out with the title !@#$% but later they opted for a title people could pronounce.

Chestnuts roasted by serpentor @ 01/12/2005 03:40 PM EST

Never played the game, but I HAD THAT BOOK! I cut my literary teeth on it, and never knew it was a video game until many years later. I too always remembered that gem of a line, "Hey you furball with the vacuum cleaner snout!" I also remember feeling a bit sorry for Ugg's tail getting tied in a knot; I kinda had a way of feeling sorry for most cartoon characters who got really hurt. For a children's book, and a soulless marketing tie-in at that, Parker Brother's had some decent writers.

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew @ 01/15/2005 12:40 AM EST

I've also noticed that funky font which seems to have been really popular from the late '70s to the late '80s. I guess its ugliness couldn't really be helped; a lot of things were ugly back then, especially cars. The hangover from the '60s and '70s was long-lasting. Matt, you would've liked it if you'd known my mom. She worked for Atari's home computer division in the early '80s and got for sort of a present an actual Battlezone arcade game sign, which my brother and I kept in our room for years. Of course, now I have no idea where it is. Probably still in storage from when we moved to our current house. But I don't know how she got that Q-Bert book if it was published in 1983, since I think she left Atari in '82, right before I was born.

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew @ 01/15/2005 12:55 AM EST

Q-Bert was awesome (But what the did he eat)

Chestnuts roasted by Pigleg @ 01/17/2005 08:27 AM EST

Love the Q-bert background!

Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 01/21/2005 10:02 AM EST