10/17/2004 Entry: "Scary Contact Lenses & Pet Costumes!"

And just like that, we're all caught up! Hooray! A site approached me wanting to advertise, but I asked if they wouldn't mind just giving me a discount in return for a review instead. I've wanted these things for years, dating way back to when I was a REBELLYUS high school freshman in 1961. So, here's the Halloween review of Scary Contact Lenses. Four different pairs, from "Cateye" to "Whiteout." I gotta admit, I love the things. I'm past the point where I could be all fringe and wear 'em to the grocery store, but they'll be awesome for Halloween and other occasions when the general public couldn't make fun of me.

The company who sells 'em, Party Lenses, was super cool to do this, and their prices are undeniably on the cheap. I know pairs sell for like a hundred bucks and up if you hit up the wonderful mall; Party Lenses' prices are much cheaper. If you're ever gonna buy a pair of these, try doing it through them so they get a little payback for the nice gesture.

Also, the late entry for Saturday digs into the seedy world of Halloween costumes for your pets, featuring a series of photos where I maim and torture one of our cats for the good of the holiday.

Chestnuts roasted by Meat Popsicle @ 10/17/2004 05:09 PM EST

Oooh those could solve my Halloween costume needs for this year...and many to come. Can you see normally through them?

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 10/17/2004 05:21 PM EST

Totally. Or very nearly totally. They're not a nuisance at all.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/17/2004 05:22 PM EST

I take it the cat wouldn't let you try the lenses on it either?

Chestnuts roasted by Whirred @ 10/17/2004 05:31 PM EST

Awesome. The only thing that raises a little red flag in the back of my mind is the paragraph on the bottom of the page saying that ebay won't let him sell them on their site...But I'd trust the real life observations more than what ebay says anyway.

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 10/17/2004 05:32 PM EST

Wear one white contact and leave your othere eye plain and pretend you're Kane. Or wear both of them and be Little Orphan Annie.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachuover @ 10/17/2004 05:36 PM EST

Oh man...I took a look at the partylenses site and they have lenses with little "x"s on them. "Knocked Out," I think they were called.

I want those so damn bad.

Chestnuts roasted by rachi99 @ 10/17/2004 05:59 PM EST

So I just spent a good 20 minutes chasing my cat around the apartment trying to get him to wear my Hallmark "Halloweenie Beanie" (shaped like a little bat,circa 1985.)

Lando (the cat in question) let it be known that he is already plenty spooky enough, being a black cat in possession of a healthy set of teeth and claws.

Chestnuts roasted by rachi99 @ 10/17/2004 06:07 PM EST

I had the pleasure of feeding my cat who I've only had for 3 weeks a worm pill this week. Not fun. I definitely wouldn't want to go through something like that again and I'm pretty sure dressing him up for Halloween would be similar.

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 10/17/2004 06:21 PM EST

Matt,
Not to sound gay, but those lenses make you look a lot younger. Maybe you could go the full nine and dress as a high school freshman circa 93-94 for Halloween, thus fufilling the unfufilled dream. Then, when you go the party and everyone asks you, "Who are you supposed to be?", you can look at them and say, "I am being myself, you should try it sometime." Oooooooo BURNNNN. Class of '97 RULES!!!

Chestnuts roasted by manimal789 @ 10/17/2004 06:33 PM EST

Great for reducing 'red-eye' from those pesky digital cameras.

Chestnuts roasted by RT @ 10/17/2004 06:33 PM EST

matt youre a good looking guy ~_~

Chestnuts roasted by mia @ 10/17/2004 07:15 PM EST

Such cruelty....

Chestnuts roasted by Creature SH @ 10/17/2004 07:22 PM EST

I concur with Mia.

Chestnuts roasted by Bitchick @ 10/17/2004 08:00 PM EST

I agree-Matt's a looker. Madd Matt's not so bad himself either.

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 10/17/2004 08:00 PM EST

Everyone knows Matt's hot. And I'm old enough to be his... older sister. "Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson..."
I jest. I did grow up in the 80's, but partly in the 70's, too.

What's your kitten's name? Is he too new to have grown into something permanant? I was dying to name our dog Chili Dog, but Mr. Trajeal has no sense of humor, so his name is Mickey now. How generic. At least I was able to name our new kitten. Henry Kittenger, he became. Hey, w/o puns, where would we be?

I must say, I haven't laughed out loud (see, it was so good, I wrote the whole thing out) so much since the Hermit Crab article. You really know how to make an image stick. The line about your cats karate chopping their faces to get the costume's off is perfect imagery.
I think the spirit of Thurston Howell III just took over my brain there for a minute. "Money, money, money, my dear, Lovey."

How did you know what size contact lenses to get, if you don't have to wear them to see? I'm as blind as Milton Waddams w/o my contact lenses, so I could never partake in the cool black oil eyeball look you all get to enjoy. I don't think Fire Eye-land contacts would look too cool behind a pair of Coke bottles lenses. Sigh. Say Lah Vee. "Lah Vee."

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 10/17/2004 08:25 PM EST

Those contacts look really cool, and I'd honestly consider buying some if not for the strange looks I'd get for wearing them. Then again, I already get a lot of people commenting on my eyes since my left eye has a streak that's darker than the rest of it going from the middle down. You'd be surprised how often people go, "Whoa! What's wrong with your eye?!"

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica2 (since there's apparently another Jessica posting on the site) @ 10/17/2004 08:27 PM EST

Shout out to the class of '97!!! Woo-hoo!!!

I think Matt should have saved himself the trouble by putting on the cat lenses and then Velcro-ing that little cape around his neck.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 10/17/2004 08:28 PM EST

Unfortunately, my astigmatism warped eyeballs won't even allow me to wear prescription contact lenses, so I can't join in the fun. The inconvenience of wearing glasses every waking moment has never been more painfully felt. The thing about Batman Returns and karate chops to the face had me in stitches, though.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 10/17/2004 08:45 PM EST

Dressing your pets on any occasion should be grounds for a public execution...

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 10/17/2004 08:47 PM EST

Yeah, yeah, Matt is hot and all that. But seriously, Matt, you need to look into some hairgel (or "styling products" depending on where you shop hehe) when posing for the crowd. Kudos on another amusing yet informative review.

Chestnuts roasted by Clunk @ 10/17/2004 08:59 PM EST

Recently i've been obsessed with video game speed runs, particularly NES games and any game that has metroids in it. Check out these insanely fast video game speed runs at this site:
http://bisqwit.iki.fi/nesvideos/

note: these runs were done on emulators at really slow speeds and a million save states and also ABUSING glitches(a lot that i didn't know existed) but are highly entertaining.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 10/17/2004 09:04 PM EST

I dig crazy contact lenses. There. I said it.

Chestnuts roasted by bdsghost @ 10/17/2004 09:22 PM EST

I love these lenses too, but I wanted to offer a correction to Matt's review. These kinds of lenses ARE available in prescription strength at various websites like Visiondirect.com. If I had the money to blow, I'd get the kind that Brad Pitt wore in "Interview with a Vampire"!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Juniper_6 @ 10/17/2004 10:01 PM EST

I've always wanted to try the costumes on my cat & dog, but I just can't be that evil! The closest thing is having our dog wear a Great Pumpkin bandana around his neck. Good enough I suppose.
As for the lenses, they would be perfect to complete a costume.
Keep 'em rollin' Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by Croww @ 10/17/2004 10:30 PM EST

Trajeal,

I got a kick out of your "black oil eyeball look" comment! I just spotted the reference.

Chestnuts roasted by Croww @ 10/17/2004 10:32 PM EST

You can totally buy prescription crazy contacts... but they're about $150 a pair. I was looking into a pair of all-black contacts to be Sandman last year, but just couldn't pay that much

Chestnuts roasted by VeganMike @ 10/17/2004 10:47 PM EST

I have a pair of red prescription lenses that I wear as my every day contacts. They were only $45 a piece from my eye doctor. The only thing that sucks is that vision insurance doesn't cover them but they are worth it. They are conversation starters, senior citizen repellant, and look cool in the process. Scaring little kids is the best. They also work well in hockey games. After I slam some pour sap into the boards I love glaring into his eyes and uttering some guttural Sumerian. Scares 'em shitless. I love my contacts.

Chestnuts roasted by MasterGakke @ 10/18/2004 01:37 AM EST

Ooh, I like the white ones. The catseye and those lizard types creep me out, and the completely black ones remind me of the X-Files.

Ok, I'll be the latest addition to agree on your hotty factor, Matt. Oh, and please excuse us, Ms. Matt's Girlfriend, we hope we don't inflate his head too big ... right, everyone?

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 10/18/2004 01:53 AM EST

I sure they don't have them in toric form, right? My left eye has astigmatism and my right eye is nearsighted, so my leftie has to kill the fun for all. I couldn't even get those amethyst lenses that I wanted so bad - I had to stick with honey(which wern't all that bad, actually, but they're not purpley!).

P.S. - although I'm taken by a really hot geek(the only man in the world that can still look hot while dressed like a deviled egg), I'm going to jump on the "Matt's Hot" bandwagon. Does that make us groupies?

Chestnuts roasted by Sara @ 10/18/2004 06:05 AM EST

No shit, i have seen dog weddings. dogs in dresses and tux's. gayest thing Evah!

Chestnuts roasted by Evan @ 10/18/2004 09:15 AM EST

Now that's a right kick in the eyeballs. I have asigmatism and weird luck with simple things, so I won't wear contacts just due to the fear that I will somehow be the first person in history to be decapitated by my own lenses. But I do like the circuit board ones I saw once.

My Sister-in-Law's cat (aka the goddess of ill will and bad tidings) absoulutly hates costumes. So, of course, there is a picture of her wearing Easter Bunny ears. You've never been given a "Go to Hell" look until you get one from a 19-year-old cat. All cats can say "No!" if they have to, but it takes humiliation to make them say it clearly. Trust me on that one.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/18/2004 11:57 AM EST

They don't ship to Europe!

Chestnuts roasted by Lodin @ 10/18/2004 12:29 PM EST

Oh, I agree with Trajeal...I totally haven't laughed this hard since the Hermit Crab article...cats + costumes = hilarity!

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 10/18/2004 01:47 PM EST

Oh I just remembered what the white lenses remind me of! It's been bugging me ...

In Stargate, when Ra was about to kick some ass, or was just really pissed, his eyes would glow like that.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 10/18/2004 01:58 PM EST

I can't believe no one's mentioned Rey Mysterio in regards to the white out lenses. That was my first thought seeing 'em.

But I'm weird that way. Its why I keep requesting a "Mac and Me" review.

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 10/18/2004 03:37 PM EST

Very funny articles Matt. I have to say that I do love it when you include your cats in the fun!

And, yeah, I'll be the eighth to say, Matt you are a hottie!

Chestnuts roasted by Alison @ 10/18/2004 03:41 PM EST

Matt mentioned bridge, yay!
Yes, I'm such a big nerd that I like bridge.

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 10/18/2004 06:32 PM EST

Dude... your a sick freak... dressing animals up like vampires, and shit...

Nah, just kidding, thats funny as hell man! Tormenting your pets is as good for passing time, as driving down an alley, in a large vehichle, and running over trash cans!

Both can pass as the new american past time!

Chestnuts roasted by Wicked Nick @ 10/19/2004 12:40 AM EST

Aaaawwww, Lenox is soooo cute! He reminds my of my little Puffball. Except she's fluffier, although has similar coat markings. She tends to go "maaaaa-aaaaa" when she's really upset (or letting me have it cos she's hungry now dammit) so she just ends up sounding like an angry sheep.

How about some more cat pictures, Matt?

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreakthemighty @ 10/19/2004 01:56 AM EST

Matt,

In the future, I would appreciate your cooperation in one simple endeavor... namely, that you not post a picture of yourself right next to a paragraph where you talk about your balls. I cannot explain my request, I just simply ask that you take this into consideration. Thanks for your time.

- Night_Trekker

(P.S. Those contacts OWN! If I actually get around to making a costume this year, I'll probably buy a pair.)

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 10/19/2004 08:40 AM EST

Best article in a while, Matt. Love the cat.

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 10/19/2004 01:34 PM EST

I've always wanted a pair of coloured lenses... Those rule.

And yeah, Matt is a hotty. (Surely not the only gay Matt fan)

Chestnuts roasted by Zev @ 10/19/2004 07:03 PM EST

Hey matt, is that purple hair???? i tooooo have purple hair! I thought i was the only one!

Chestnuts roasted by soapdish uk @ 10/19/2004 08:34 PM EST

Oh my god, that looks just like my cat! You bastard! You stole Little One!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Sara @ 10/19/2004 10:45 PM EST

I have asygmatism and I wear contacts, they got available about a year and a half ago, I started wearing them about 7 months ago. I don't think people with asygmatism can wear costume lenses but I am looking into it, that just fits my personality to a tea. I think I would get the fire ones or all white ones. The creepier the better.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 10/20/2004 03:41 AM EST

Sara: The name of your cat is 'Little One'?

I can just imagine how malevolent you must sound when you're looking for him/her.

"Where are you hiding, Little One?" "Come to me, Little One."

*shivers*

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 10/20/2004 10:29 AM EST

matt, you're hot.

oh, great article too.....

Chestnuts roasted by VolklMonkey @ 10/20/2004 07:15 PM EST

I said it before, but I'll say it again... yeah, Matt is hot ^_^ Looks like we're getting quite a little fan club in this thread, we're the "Matt is hot" groupies! Anyhow, love the kitty costume, animal cruelty has never been so much fun! The sad thing is there are actually costume contests for animals. A long time ago I entered the dog I used to own in such a contest, I just superglued plastic scabs on her and she was roadkill. A lot of people thought my coustme was cruel, but if you consider the things they made their poor dogs wear mine was the least cruel =P Too bad the only animals I have now are my 2 rabbits... maybe I can just pretend they're dressed as matching bunny slippers? As for the contact lenses, I always wanted a pair of those freaky ones, but I think I've outgrown them now. Not to mention that putting contacts on freaks me out. The first time I ever tried to put them on it literally took me an hour to get them in. Suppose it's a good thing I have perfect vision anyway ^_^ One more thing, I was never really a regular in the blog, but I figured I'd say goodbye anyway. I won't have the internet much longer and I can honestly say x-e is the site I'll miss the most.

Chestnuts roasted by sailormoon @ 10/21/2004 06:55 PM EST

Sign me up for the fanclub
I think Matt is beautiful inside and out

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 10/21/2004 10:40 PM EST

Farewell, sailormoon, you may not have been here often, but often enough. You'll be back, now that you've been infected. Once you go X, there won't be a next.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/22/2004 11:46 AM EST

Those whiteout lenses remind me of that really fat wrestler, Viscera.

Chestnuts roasted by Skroob @ 10/22/2004 04:25 PM EST

man.. i always dress up my pets. they love it. they've done cheerleader, football player, elvis, 60's girl, baby, spiderman. my pets, especially my weimaraner, loves it and the attention that comes with it. but they are overly spoiled i guess.

Chestnuts roasted by deanna @ 10/27/2004 12:02 AM EST

Noooo!

Seriously, Matt. First time I noticed this at the Hulk Hands article, and printed out the picture of you threatening Lenox.
My cat, Little Katt, is EXACTLY like Lenox except female. I'll get a picture if you email me at shadowhedgehog27616@hotmail.com .
Great articles, too!

Chestnuts roasted by Lenox=Little Katt? @ 11/04/2004 06:46 PM EST

Also, Little One could be one of Little Katt's clones. I've hypothesized my very vocal cat has started a clone army after learning english. Little Katt can say 'door', 'waughaugh', and 'noooo'.

Chestnuts roasted by Lenox=Little Katt @ 11/04/2004 06:52 PM EST