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09/30/2004 Entry: "The Halloween Yogurt Explosion."

Careful, dairy shoppers. If you're not in love with Halloween, you're in for a real scare. X-E's first favorite holiday after that other one coming up has completely taken over the dairy section at your local grocer, with four new kinds of yogurt:

It's the Halloween Yogurt Explosion. Sprinkl'ins! Go-Gurt! Glo-Gurt! AND TRIX TOO?! It's a massive attack on everything sacred, and at least half of this shit comes in glow-in-the-dark packaging. I thank Lord Samhain that my fridge will no longer have to devote half of its space to unopened boxes of Halloween yogurt. Enjoy, if you dare.

REPLIES: 49 comments

My only regret is that there is no edible Glow-In-The-Dark foodstuff. Because that would mean glowing poo. That would be one of the best things ev-ah!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash with candy sprinkles @ 09/30/2004 04:45 PM EST

When I was growing up, no kid would ever touch yogurt. Now they're actually drinking it out of a tube. Go-Gurt has been the subject of many jokes on my own site.

Hey, chances are good that while you're reading this, you're missing the presidential debate!

Good for you....

You know, if yogurt was a third party, I think it would win....it has a better chance than Nader anyway.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 09/30/2004 04:53 PM EST

Great one Matt-
I needed something to cheer me up and gosh darn it, Halloween Yogurt did the trick. But I must ask:
What are "cheese dicks"?

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 09/30/2004 04:55 PM EST

4th comment. Best so far for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Skroob @ 09/30/2004 05:11 PM EST

Cheese dicks shoutout!

That's what we call cheese inserted hotdogs in the trajeal home. Regular hotdogs are called pig dicks. Not in front of the children, though, of course. :-)

You didn't mean hotdogs, did, you? I was thinking some form of Polly-O string cheese. The kind that really binds you.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 09/30/2004 05:17 PM EST

Glogurt? What a name... doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. As if eating yogurt out of a tube wasn't unappetizing enough, they call it "glogurt". Ick.

Chestnuts roasted by Some Other Matt @ 09/30/2004 05:21 PM EST

Oh, yeah. I wanted to say, keep those Go/Glo-Gurts and hand them out for Halloween. No mother in her right mind would let their kid eat a yogurt that hasn't been kept refrigerated (never mind in the heated car and then back into the cold October night). That way, you'll save money on Halloween candy (not that you won't have tons after doing the countdown, though, I guess), and you'll look really cool to the kids when they see you drop a yogurt glo-stick into their bag.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 09/30/2004 05:21 PM EST

Is it just me, or does the Trix rabbit look a lot like a tattooed Kevin McCallister in that picture?

Chestnuts roasted by Ian @ 09/30/2004 05:21 PM EST

Did anyone see Matt's Nick comercial? I have no time to watch Nickelodeon. Watermelon flavored yoguhrt? Fucking sick! I'd rather eat nads.

Chestnuts roasted by Gnarkill @ 09/30/2004 06:07 PM EST

The tattoo of Frank on the Trix Rabbit hand... is he receiving ... pleasure?

"Sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you..."

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 09/30/2004 06:50 PM EST

Yeah, I was wondering about that commercial on Nick as well. Matt?

Chestnuts roasted by Joey @ 09/30/2004 07:59 PM EST

Ok, this is off topic, but Im pretty sure that SOMEONE here can answer this question, Im trying to figure out what movie a song is from, I only know part of the lyrics, and its driving me crazy, its gotta be from the 80s or early 90s So here are the lyrics...

Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur!

So, if anyone knows what movie or tv show that song is from PLEASE tell me before I go insane!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by I_HAVE_A_QUESTION! @ 09/30/2004 08:05 PM EST

I_HAVE_A_QUESTION--

Its from the funky Big Black Woman dancing with Mario scene in the Super Mario Bros movie.

Mat-

Shove those glow-gurts in the freazer . They turn into little frozen yogurt sticks that are suprisingly good. And Yogurt technicly dosn't go 'bad' as its allready milk left to the ravages of bacteria ala chesse.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 09/30/2004 08:59 PM EST

im not sure, but i think walk with a dinosaur is from a whoppi goldberg movie in the 90's in which shes a cop with a dinosaur. ill look it up for you and post again in a few minutes.

Chestnuts roasted by ralph @ 09/30/2004 09:14 PM EST

not sure if its the movie, but the one im thinking of is called Theodore Rex

Chestnuts roasted by ralph @ 09/30/2004 09:20 PM EST

I wanted to see the inside of the glogurt tubes!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Zorbs @ 09/30/2004 09:32 PM EST

Ahh, yes, I have seen all of these at the grocery store where I work. (One of the few convieniences of working at a grocery store - sooner or later, you're gonna run into at least SOME of the stuff Matt talks about.) No, I haven't tried them. They're all expensive, rarely on sale, and hold no interest to me. I like my yogurt in the typical strawberry/blueberry/lime. The only kids' yogurt I ever liked was the Penn Maid kids' cups, and that only because I've been eating their Orange Cream since I was knee-high to Freddy Kruger.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 09/30/2004 10:01 PM EST

That's "was(not was) - walk the dinosaur. been in too many movies too recount.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeep @ 09/30/2004 11:25 PM EST

I find that the tube-gurt tastes a helluva lot better when frozen.

Chestnuts roasted by marril159 @ 09/30/2004 11:31 PM EST

boy I don't know if I can stomach 89 yogurts, I have a hard time w/ just one...

After getting first post for the first time ever a week or so ago, I feel unrushed to post, I think that's weird. But I still wanna get first. NO I dont, yes I do. Do I remind anyone of one of the political candidates from tonight's debate?

Bush: firm supporter of finishing the CHIA article

Chestnuts roasted by ANdrew @ 09/30/2004 11:52 PM EST

Thanks trajeal!
I was confused...

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 10/01/2004 12:15 AM EST

Yet another day where I finally make it to xe and there are two articles! I love this. After spending more hours than I can count on my fingers at the drafting board in the goddamn studio, xe makes me happy smile Thank you Matt, you made me happy.

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 10/01/2004 12:15 AM EST

Nothing says Happy Halloween like fruity bacteria.

Yogurt for President in 2008!

Chestnuts roasted by Sara @ 10/01/2004 01:14 AM EST

And Cheese Dicks for V.P.!

Chestnuts roasted by Sara @ 10/01/2004 01:15 AM EST

ANdrew I bet you are a lot like Jason Schwartzman in Slackers. Also, give the chia plot a rest. Matt is working on a streak here. Those of us that lived through the unfinished advent calender know pain few will ever know.

Chestnuts roasted by Gnarkill @ 10/01/2004 01:40 AM EST

When Go-gurt was first introduced, the commercial went on about how portable it was and showed a kid carrying some through the Egyptian desert which he presents to a friend who comments on how long he took. I quickly came to the realization that if he really took so long, with his yogurt exposed the hot African sun, there's no way those kids were eating 'good' yogurt.
From this, a friend and I kept having this inside joke about Yoplait plotting to kill children by encouraging them to carry their yogurt around so it gets nice and warm before eating it. Soon after, they added a second part to the commercial where they're like "Wanna know how to make Go-gurt REALLY cool? Ya freeze it!". My friend and I just laughed at this and jokingly accused them of realizing the potential flaws of yogurt you're supposed to carry arround awhile before eating and tried to minimize child casualties without killing the product.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 10/01/2004 02:00 AM EST

I remember when Trix yougurt came out and I was in the 3rd grade. and that's around the time the original sprinklins came out too. The kids in my class would take those on feild trips to eat for some strange reason. I have to say I'm over "kid" yougurts now and only eat the "normal" flavors.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 10/01/2004 02:08 AM EST

Thank you, Matt, for that wonderful new rejoinder which will now be part of my everyday vocabulary for at least five years or so.

Me: "I really don't think monkeys are as funny as people make them out to be, just because a chimpanzee throws feces at zoos."
Stephen: "Actually, chimpanzees are apes, not monkeys."
Me: "Yeah, but you know what I mean."
Stephen: "There are a lot of differences, it's not something you can afford to take for granted..."
Me: "Stop thinking you're right about my Halloween yogurt."

I just realized recently that I've been quoting one Transformers line ("As I pre-ducted!" --Breakdown) ever since I first saw the episode at age five or six. Let's see if I can hang onto this expression for twenty years as well...

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 10/01/2004 06:06 AM EST

yea im 22 and i def remember havin Trix Yogurt like that as a kid. Still looks the same apparently

Chestnuts roasted by Rychiar @ 10/01/2004 07:59 AM EST

Again, they try to trick kids into thinking that the yogurt itself glows in the dark. Bastards.

Chestnuts roasted by Yama the Space Fish @ 10/01/2004 08:10 AM EST

My younger brother goes absolutely ape shit for trix yogurt, and gogurt.

It's amazing 'cause I think both yogurts taste like shit.

Chestnuts roasted by Jay @ 10/01/2004 08:11 AM EST

Completely off-topic...

Matt, I stopped at the newly renovated grocery store and they scrapped their "entertainment" section, so they had this huge bin of VCR tapes on sale for a buck or two. I picked up 2 that just screamed "X-E".

I never would have bought this stuff before I knew XE, but I thought you may want to have them. Email me at yzziefrog@icqmail.com, and tell me where I can mail you these masterpieces.

Chestnuts roasted by Yzziefrog @ 10/01/2004 09:04 AM EST

Matt, the current crop of Halloween M&Ms are out! The're not black and white like last year's batch, now they're orange and black!
I have a bag around here somewhere...

I haven't really been into Halloween stuff this year. Maybe I'm just growing out of it. Glowing yogurt does sound freaky, though.

Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 10/01/2004 09:43 AM EST

Only get worried when M&M's are orange and purple: if you like that colour combo, you are probably schizophrenic. No kidding.

So, other people also quote from stuff they saw when they were six - I thought it wuz only me...

eg, the Gummi Bears' first ep:

[Igthorn]: "Gummi bears??! What kind of fool do you take me for???!"
[Ogre]: "Duh, don't know; how many kinds ARE dere?"

Aaah, the happy days of childhood.

I was under the impression that "Walk the Dinosaur" was originally an actual hit, and was only subsequently included in any movie/tv series involving dinosaurs. Whoopi Goldberg should have stayed far away from any movie containing an animated dinosaur detective! Yeurkk!

There was a live-action puppeteered show called Dinosaurs, wherein there was a "tv show" that always killed off a little kid named Timmy. "Ooops, we're gonna need another Timmy!!!" Loved it. I think they parodied walk the Dinosaur quite a few times. I think the "Dad" was named Earl, but the baby was always funnier. They were always frying little fluffy "mammals", too. big grin

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak realises a dead headless horse ain't going anywhere @ 10/01/2004 10:31 AM EST

I remember trying some of the Shrek 2 Gogurt that my cousins brought to the beach. I must say that it absolutely incredible. I became addicted to the splendour of Shreks gogurt. Pardon my blasphemy.

Chestnuts roasted by Miltqn @ 10/01/2004 10:45 AM EST

oh come on with the yogurt talk... halloween and yogurt are not a good mix... just dont go together... somethingawful.com's sims article is hysterical because that is what I used to do...

Yogurt was a hidden character in a game for sega called shining force!! he was cool, but wasnt very strong.

what's up with the Rude Dog cartoona nd shirts Matt? you need to talk about Rude Dog! and those Big Johnson shirts too -- those were funny.

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 10/01/2004 10:51 AM EST

NOT THE MAMA! NOT THE MAMA!

Chestnuts roasted by brian @ 10/01/2004 10:52 AM EST

One of the best things about the Dinosaurs show was the fact that all the last names were names of oil companies. Sinclair, Hess, Shell, and so on.

Ka-BOOM! We need a new Timmy!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/01/2004 12:36 PM EST

If you got a fever and need more Wookiee: A Carded Look at Hasbro's New Star Wars Pre-Episode III Figures

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 10/01/2004 03:49 PM EST

So, walk the dinosaur was from a whoopi goldberg moive, or Mario brothers? Something tells me it was from the Mario Brothers movie b/c I dont think I saw the Whoopi moive, I remember it being out tho!..I love Dinosaurs! "Not the mama not the mama" Classic!

Chestnuts roasted by I_HAVE_A_QUESTION!(no more) @ 10/01/2004 06:05 PM EST

"Dinosaurs" has to go back on someday. One of my favorite episodes of anything is a Dinosaurs episode. It's where Earl (the dumb Homerish dad dinosaur) became a TV executive and selected really stupid programs, and everyone watched them and the programs actually MADE them stupid, proving what critics had been saying for years. It got so bad that civilization ground to a halt and Robbie kept forgetting how to breathe. In a panicked response, Earl canned the dumb shows and started putting on a bunch of extremely brainy, educational ones. My favorite: "Economics Hoedown."

"Hey Zeke! How can you tell when the falling rate of profit is due to an increase in the production rate per capita?"
"When production is due to a DECREASE in the overall utility! YEEEEE-HAAAAAW!!!"

Everyone watches the shows and gets smarter...then they get SO smart that they don't want to watch TV anymore. Mom dinosaur: "We've all found better things to do with our lives! Today I thought I'd try my hand at isolating iron from unprocessed ore." Earl is fired and the other executives try to think of a way to lure all dinosaurs back to the TV again.
"All they want to do is read books!"
"Okay, then we'll get them interested in TV again with a book. A very SPECIAL book...."

And so they invent the TV Guide and it lands on Earl's doorstep.
"What's that?"
"A book that was just delivered to the front door! It's about TV."
"A book about TV? That doesn't sound very intellectually stimulating."
"No, look! It's got a crossword puzzle with the names of your favorite stars!"
"OOOO!!!"
"And look at THIS! The shows come on right when the book says they will! This is the greatest achievement of our time!!"

So the family gets back into the TV again and instantly starts getting dumber once more, including Robbie who had previously been about to launch Baby into orbit with a gigantic rocket he had been experimenting with. In the closing shots, it launches with no one noticing and Baby rockets into the sky screaming, "AGAIIIIIN...."

Best. Episode. Of. Anything. Ever. I could have typed the entire thing, but I'm only up for so long.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 10/02/2004 02:27 AM EST

- "NOT THE MAMA!"

I forgot about that! Wheehee!! I loved that. But the best bit was the way they had little furry mammal muppets to fry for supper... Man that brings back the early nineties! Wow! When Clueless had just come out and everyone wore GRUNGE! ( = long flowy clothes and lacy beanie hats and pendants on chains that reached to your knees... Bring Back Grunge!) Ten years of life just disappeared there for a second. Whoops. smile

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak shoots Timmy @ 10/02/2004 05:30 AM EST

It wuz moi birfday on the 30th of Sep-Tem-Ber. Yay! I'm 25 now! Someone shoot me, quick!!!

"Oooops, did that unstable vat of uranium explode "completely by accident" again?? Oh dear, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA NEED ANOTHER TIMMY!!!"

Sorry.

Chestnuts roasted by Timmy dies again @ 10/02/2004 05:37 AM EST

with this responce maybe there should be an article on Dinosaurs... my fave episode was the one where the son Robbie goes Vegetarian

Chestnuts roasted by Hikaru @ 10/02/2004 09:50 PM EST

I totally remeber that episode of Dinosaurs Mars, I also remember one where the sister orders a fake tail from tv, b/c hers didnt grow in yet... not sure what happens after, but I remember the brother (robbie) pulling on it and she gets all embarrest I really want to watch it again, just for old time sake!

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ aka I have a question @ 10/02/2004 09:56 PM EST

Suck my dick fags

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