REPLIES: 73 comments
I think I'm the only one in the world who didn't love the Spiderman 2 movie, I thought it was cheesy, but I really know nothing about anything. And Mare returns to TV very soon on Clubhouse, starring Dean Cain, it'll be great.
Chestnuts roasted by Brentantation @ 08/07/2004 01:12 PM EST
No worries. I didn't love Spidey 2 like 99% of the critics out there either. Lets hope the further sequel(s) fare better (and better villians!).
Chestnuts roasted by Mizzat @ 08/07/2004 02:07 PM EST
Man. I wish I had a box of crayons to play with.
Chestnuts roasted by The Fried Deregulator @ 08/07/2004 02:14 PM EST
fourth comment ;o
all we have to do now is get spiderman to meet that spiderman you met downtown matt and see if they both feint and by doing so creates a paradox oO
Chestnuts roasted by gamersource @ 08/07/2004 02:21 PM EST
I hope they put in Venom or Sand Man or even goddamn Kraven instead of what they're hinting at now: Spider Man 3: Return of Green Goblin
Chestnuts roasted by Grandmaster Useless @ 08/07/2004 02:23 PM EST
Ooh, Fake Zartan. Lookin' good, Fakey!
I thought Spidey would have some sort of flesh colored debate about the color of his suit. He's obviously not flesh colored. Yes, he's wearing a suit, but let's face it, he's the same color under the suit. Plastic through and through. So, what color is(/I) Spidey's suit?
I wonder who will help Spider-miester/miester-burger w/ part three. Maybe Monchichis?
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 08/07/2004 02:30 PM EST
Oops, that's supposed to say "is".
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 08/07/2004 02:31 PM EST
Well, they were hinting at Green Goblin (Obvious to general viewer), but also Venom and The Lizard (Obvious to comic/cartoon fan). Venom would be the best visually, but Sam Raimi, and a lot of fans, think he is a weak character. Goblin seems the definate main choice, but it depends if they can keep the main cast and Raimi past part three.
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/07/2004 02:38 PM EST
My favorite color was always Midnight Blue.
By the way, what color was Spider Man's Suit supposed to be? It looks like a bad rip-off of Superman and Batman to me.
Chestnuts roasted by Artsy Fartsy @ 08/07/2004 02:38 PM EST
How come I don't get to be in a movie?
Chestnuts roasted by VENOM @ 08/07/2004 02:39 PM EST
I noticed Lizard, but where was the Venom cameo?
Chestnuts roasted by Grandmaster Useless @ 08/07/2004 02:42 PM EST
Grandmaster Useless, there was no actual cameo that I am aware of in the film. Spider-fans please forgive me, as I collected X-Men comics, so I am going by fuzzy memory. The storyline for Man-Wolf and/or Venom could be put into place, but they will probably change things to simplify how the suit arrives and to whom it gets attached. Either getting a ride back (Like in the origin) or being created in a lab (Which would be boring since the first two movie villains came about that way).
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/07/2004 02:59 PM EST
The "ride back" above is the only thing I will say that ties into part two, so as not to spoil the potential story for the next film of people that have only seen the previous films. If you want to know more about Spider-Man characters you can go here:
www.spiderfan.org/characters/index.html
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/07/2004 03:09 PM EST
I'm trying to remember.
But doesn't the Venom symbiote hitch a ride on a space shuttle piloted by John Jameson?
Chestnuts roasted by SHANE! @ 08/07/2004 03:14 PM EST
SHANE!, you missed the part where I was trying not to spoil things for people that have not read the comics or seen the cartoons.
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/07/2004 03:19 PM EST
SHANE!, I apologize, as I guess I gave away most of the origin anyway.
The link I posted above was for those that didn't mind learning ahead of time about the various possible characters.
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/07/2004 03:27 PM EST
Wooooo hoooo!!!! 17th comment! Suck it number 18!
Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 08/07/2004 03:45 PM EST
Haven't finished reading the article, but nice Zelda reference ("It's a secret to Everyone"
Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 08/07/2004 03:46 PM EST
Sad to say that I laughed at the Indigo joke.
Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 08/07/2004 03:48 PM EST
Worry not Freezair, I laughed at that one too. Now if you'll excuse me. I have a wedding to plan, my wife to murder, and Gilder to frame for it, I'm absolutley swamped.
Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 08/07/2004 03:58 PM EST
Eddie Brock was mentioned briefly in the first movie.
Of course, in number 3, it would be kick-ass for Spidey to team up with Dr. Strange.
Chestnuts roasted by Ian, Just Ian @ 08/07/2004 04:46 PM EST
what about ME?!!
Chestnuts roasted by Carnage @ 08/07/2004 05:14 PM EST
OHMYGOD i love spiderman, i know the whole song. yes, and spiderman is only furthermore proving his coolnesss by his crayon rating. fake zarton was a pile of bullcrap, trying to home in on spidey's critical crayon genius. i would like to see some crayon tasting. that would be good.
Chestnuts roasted by I ROCK! (hi, it's nell) @ 08/07/2004 06:05 PM EST
We ought to make up our own names for the crayons. I came up with "Zippy."
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 08/07/2004 06:13 PM EST
Matt, you forgot to mention in the lead-in to the first article that Spider-Man comes in a great big box with approximately 3 twist-ties for every point of articulation holding him in. Any thoughts on getting a carpal-tunnel class-action lawsuit going. (You know, from undoing all the twist-ties?)
Chestnuts roasted by Dane E. Coffey @ 08/07/2004 06:34 PM EST
i liked the first set of reviews more, but this one was decent. I hope Spidey does the original crayon review for the last 25% of the box.
Chestnuts roasted by rimmie @ 08/07/2004 07:26 PM EST
"But were inside!"
"then how do you explain this "Tan"?"
brilliant,freaking brilliant
Chestnuts roasted by sandwiches @ 08/07/2004 07:38 PM EST
Yes! I still love crayons! I wonder if the word maraude is a color...hmm...
Chestnuts roasted by Walks @ 08/07/2004 07:51 PM EST
I laughed, I cried. It's been emotional. And all over crayons. I've gotta go lie down...
Chestnuts roasted by Cliche-Man @ 08/07/2004 08:59 PM EST
..Im going to actually review the crayon article, instead of reviewing the spiderman 2 movie :/
This was ok, I liked how you brought in that other guy with Spidey, but he just wasen't very funny. Spidey should be allowed to review crayons however he wants :p
I can't wait till part 3, and I hope Spidey gets to review more stuff!!! Maybe with wolverine..wolverine has such a tough attitude, itd be funny to see him reviewing crayons..lol
Chestnuts roasted by Sarah @ 08/07/2004 09:38 PM EST
omg...matt...this speaks for itself...
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=60346&item=3832160266&rd=1
Chestnuts roasted by gamersource @ 08/07/2004 09:48 PM EST
Another nice article Matt, but like everyone else said may for part 3 just has spidey review the crayons alone, okay!
Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 08/07/2004 09:55 PM EST
Though nice Gumpy's reference 
Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 08/07/2004 09:58 PM EST
I guess I not going be in any of the Spiderman's movies. 
Chestnuts roasted by Shocker @ 08/07/2004 10:01 PM EST
Hey, at least Shocker your in ever Spiderman's games ever game.
Chestnuts roasted by Kraven the Hunter @ 08/07/2004 10:05 PM EST
Wisteria - for all those light purple pollution induced sunsets.
Chestnuts roasted by Axerogh @ 08/07/2004 10:24 PM EST
fake zartan needs a day job, spidey had the crayon thing covered like a jimme hat
Chestnuts roasted by max anderson @ 08/07/2004 10:43 PM EST
Fake Zartan's actual name is Agent Faces. 
This one was less Good. Spidey didn't do individual crayon reviews.
I'm ticked that there's *not* another crayon named Navy Blue in the box. I wanna see Spidey go apeshit
Chestnuts roasted by Onslaught Six @ 08/07/2004 11:06 PM EST
Ah, great Zelda reference! Classic!
And I didn't like Spider-Man 2 either. The pace was slow, the characters were shallow and boring, and the dialogue was worse than that found in the Star Wars prequels.
Chestnuts roasted by 4rhDown @ 08/07/2004 11:15 PM EST
The "Indigo Montoya" joke was great! I'm a great appreciator of Princess Bride references.
Chestnuts roasted by Ben @ 08/07/2004 11:31 PM EST
now i got to go back and read it for the zelda reference and then i, too, shall sue Crayola for crayon fakin'
Chestnuts roasted by link @ 08/07/2004 11:32 PM EST
All the referecnes were great. My fave though...How do you explain this "tan"!!! Excellence my friends....sheer awesomeness!!
Peach should be more of an orangey-pink no? I have never seen a peach the color of crayola peach...hmmm...
Chestnuts roasted by Princess Peach @ 08/08/2004 12:28 AM EST
Is it just me, or do fake Zartan look a hell of alot like George Michael??
Chestnuts roasted by Animosity @ 08/08/2004 01:27 AM EST
As for Spidey #3, I want to see Venom and Carnage team with the Hobgoblin
Chestnuts roasted by Animosity @ 08/08/2004 01:30 AM EST
How about a cameo of Ghostrider.
Chestnuts roasted by DWI @ 08/08/2004 01:33 AM EST
Zartan, brilliant. I used to watch GI Joe. But I could never remember Zartan's name, except I knew it had the same letters as Tarzan.
Give me a break, I was four.
Excellent article. Very funny. Only you could provide a crayon article review and make it good. Impressive, really.
Chestnuts roasted by Mols @ 08/08/2004 02:08 AM EST
You should involve Unicron or the Real Destro in the next review.
Chestnuts roasted by Cannibalizer @ 08/08/2004 02:29 AM EST
are you kidding guys? man wolf, the lizard, and the second coming of green goblin? now, venom and carnage would be great, but think about how far down the line those guys came in. i think we have a great set up for the next one, i'm hoping for mutiple villians. and the crayola review? priceless. i can't wait for periwinkle, i'm giddy with excitement
Chestnuts roasted by tampioca @ 08/08/2004 03:52 AM EST
George Michael? huh,interesting. I was about to say those poses were pretty homo-erotic, Matt.
Chestnuts roasted by gwgw @ 08/08/2004 08:29 AM EST
Did own chiaplot tribute! Click on me name!!!
I'm ba-ack, dunno why I was kicked off... Why don't you love me, Matt? Or was it the anal varsity techie who kicked me off? Or the guy named "greymatter"? Please love me again, Matt... So many other men have [KIDDING]. Promise to be good. I'll even wait half an hour four u're huge pages 2download... I'll never be aggro again! ::pleading expression::
Love *eminentfreak*
Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 08/08/2004 11:33 AM EST
I'm just surprised that when the Scarlett crayon was presented, fake Zartan had nothing to mention about Scarlett from the Joe Show - now she was smokin'!
~I wish I had an apricot.
Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 08/08/2004 02:28 PM EST
Absolutely crayon-tastic! Spidey should team up with *DA-DA-DAAAAAAAAAA* Admiral Ackbar for something, they'd make a great team. "Spider-Man, don't go into that burning building, it's a trap!"
Nothing would please me more than for Venom to be in the second one, though I find it highly unlikely. I'd rather not see him at all than have him squeezed in with Green Goblin #2. Something about an 18" Venom and/or symbiote Spidey makes me want to go ransack TRU.
Chestnuts roasted by phillip @ 08/08/2004 02:54 PM EST
Oh, does anyone remember the Armored Spider-Man toy from the mid 90s animated series? A Spider-Man who can have shield throwing contests with Captain America just flat out rocks.
Chestnuts roasted by phillip @ 08/08/2004 03:00 PM EST
Does anyone remember the name of the electronic toy that was meant for playing hide and go seek? All I can remember is the actual locator looked something like a Star Trek phaser, with blinking lights that indicated you were near someone.
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/08/2004 03:43 PM EST
SPIDER-MAN 2 RULED!!
Anyhoo, this is funny. I hadn't expected Agent Faces (oops) "Fake Zartan" to appear.
Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 08/08/2004 04:05 PM EST
I really liked both Spider-Man movies (And my brother's such a fan that he's considering making the 2nd his new favorite movie), but I agree about the cheesiness. All the screaming....Yeesh...
Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 08/08/2004 04:50 PM EST
Why has no one brought up the fact that Fake Zartan's appearence may be hinting at the long awaited Chia-Plot part 5? Cuz they were waiting for me to do it. I thank you.
BTW, Matt. You've obviously never played Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, since that game proved that Spidey CAN ride a skateboard (or you have, and you were just being ironic).
Now review some movie about burgers and aliens. I forget the title.
Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 08/08/2004 04:56 PM EST
Yay crayons!
Chestnuts roasted by T.G. @ 08/08/2004 07:00 PM EST
*snerk* I want a copy of Spidey's book.
Chestnuts roasted by Vermicious Knid @ 08/08/2004 09:59 PM EST
I've got a question totally off the subject here. Does anybody know what movie this is from: a kid walks into a bar, sits down and says, "I want a milk," then everyone in the bar looks at him weird, so he adds, "In a dirty glass!"
thanks as it's been driving me crazy for a week now.
Chestnuts roasted by CaraLynne @ 08/08/2004 10:08 PM EST
i remember that movie! ...hmmmmm i thik it was one of those kid centric cop movies ..like cop and a half w/ burt reynolds or something like that.
Chestnuts roasted by scourge @ 08/08/2004 10:18 PM EST
Lou, give me a milk... chocolate!
Chestnuts roasted by Crispin Glover @ 08/09/2004 05:01 AM EST
I remember that milk bit in either "Paleface" or "Son of Paleface" - dunno if it's been recycled for another movie...
Those movies were great; worth checking out...
Top-drawer review, Matt!
Chestnuts roasted by Gretchen @ 08/09/2004 09:11 AM EST
Spidey gave Fake Zartan the finger! HAHAHA!!!!!!
Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 08/09/2004 09:41 AM EST
It WAS Cop & 1/2. It also had this memoriable line:
"I'm your worst nightmare. An 8 year old with a badge!"
Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 08/09/2004 11:04 AM EST
Woot
Chestnuts roasted by Me @ 08/09/2004 01:39 PM EST
Nice Princess Bride reference! Crispin Glover- Nice to see ya on X-E! You were so tough in that scene!
Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 08/09/2004 02:46 PM EST
Thanks, you guys are awesome!!
Chestnuts roasted by CaraLynne @ 08/09/2004 03:20 PM EST
ME Too, I always wondered what woot means?
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/09/2004 04:24 PM EST
Ohhhhhh...so that's what I need to do in order to write my script. I don't need quiet or years of experience. All I need is chestnut.
Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 08/10/2004 10:04 PM EST
This was soooo awesome - I have a weird thing for sarcastic little plastic men - hmmmm- the best!
Chestnuts roasted by Jen Jen @ 08/19/2004 09:30 PM EST
Best review EVER.
Chestnuts roasted by Lala @ 08/20/2004 12:34 AM EST
well we all see what your social life is like
Chestnuts roasted by caposenthirnaimrey @ 10/22/2004 12:40 AM EST
