07/29/2004 Entry: "The Giant Fucking Chicken."

On ze way to work today, I saw a chicken.  A giant fucking chicken.  Standing absolutely still next to a man handing out take-out menus for the “Texas Rotisserie Grill,” I was awestruck with the sight of what appeared to be the largest inflatable chicken I’d ever seen.  Through some natural instinct, I found myself drawn closer and closer to the cluck.  When I got just close enough, occurred did an indisputably terrible omen: the chicken pecked at me.  Really.  It was a guy dressed in a chicken costume made to look like a simple inflatable doll, but as curious pedestrians approached, he’d peck at ‘em with the voracity of, well, a giant fucking chicken.  There’s good ways to start the day, and bad ways to start the day.  Being pecked at by a giant chicken is probably the best morning kickstart I’ve had in five years.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 07/29/2004 09:43 PM EST

*when in Rome*

Third post ;p

damn poultry is taking over the world

Chestnuts roasted by gamersource @ 07/29/2004 09:57 PM EST

Who needs coffee in the morning when you get pecked by a chicken the size of Unicron? ; 0 )

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 07/29/2004 10:03 PM EST

CHICKEN'D

Chestnuts roasted by marril159 @ 07/29/2004 10:04 PM EST

How comes New Yorkers gets all the fun when it comes to chickens. I live in Kentucky, and don't see a KFC worker dress as a chicken or Colonal Sanders. But, “Texas Rotisserie Grill" chicken probably taste bad compare to "Kentucky Fried Chicken."
Colonal Sanders rules!

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/29/2004 10:10 PM EST

http://www.fiftiesweb.com/pop/kfc1.jpg

and

http://www.georgeblowfish.com/colsanders.jpg

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/29/2004 10:13 PM EST

8th post! TOP TEN! haha oh man what a messed up chick. kenny rogers chicken

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 07/29/2004 10:52 PM EST

cluck cluck bu-kawwwWW!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 07/29/2004 10:56 PM EST

Badass dude,

Chestnuts roasted by Bobo @ 07/29/2004 10:58 PM EST

hey ive seen one of those! it was a inflateable us army guy or a marine at six flags in new orleans, scared the crap out of me..

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny Blaze @ 07/29/2004 11:11 PM EST

The real question is what happened five years ago that was so great?

Chestnuts roasted by mindsuckr @ 07/29/2004 11:27 PM EST

Inflatable chicken avenges the inflatable marine who always gets kicked by kids at the county fair...

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 07/29/2004 11:28 PM EST

I use the same tactic to traumatize annoying teenagers on holloween

Chestnuts roasted by Ant @ 07/29/2004 11:52 PM EST

Awesome!!!

Chestnuts roasted by SuperStar @ 07/30/2004 12:11 AM EST

Man, that's great. Too bad nothing like that ever happens here. Dammit, now I want some chicken. Is KFC open at 11:30pm? No...Hmmm..

To Wendy's! Must have chicken nuggets!

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 07/30/2004 12:20 AM EST

Next time, duck!

Chestnuts roasted by ibinsomniac @ 07/30/2004 12:29 AM EST

i would have choked that chicken for pecking me.

Chestnuts roasted by mattallica @ 07/30/2004 12:35 AM EST

Matt, just remember. NEVER! EVER! TAKE A COUPON FROM A GUY IN A CHICKEN SUIT.... It's probably already past it's date. Then you have to hunt him down and have an epoc battle with the fighting and the punching and the sticking the head in the copy machine while slamming the top down on it until it dies. It's not a pretty sight.

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 07/30/2004 12:40 AM EST

So what did you do?

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 07/30/2004 12:42 AM EST

I had chicken for dinner.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 07/30/2004 01:07 AM EST

Oh my God no way I'm number 21!!! lollollollollollolomgomgomghahahaha jk!!!

Except no...

Chestnuts roasted by Emmaaaaa @ 07/30/2004 01:08 AM EST

I HAVE THE POOOWWEEERR!!!... to eat chicken.

Chestnuts roasted by He-Man @ 07/30/2004 02:01 AM EST

Matt, this sounds very much like a scene from Family Guy, where Peter and a guy-in-chicken-costume duke it out for miles and miles over the course of ten minutes or so.
Voila: http://www.familyguyfiles.com/episodes/showfull.php?image=FG-206_25.png

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 07/30/2004 02:34 AM EST

Ah, yes, Trippy knows what I'm talking about.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 07/30/2004 02:35 AM EST

Im not done with you yet...

Chestnuts roasted by Giant Fucking Chicken @ 07/30/2004 03:20 AM EST

This reminds me of the giant shrek that was at albertsons a few weeks back. Craziest thing I've ever seen! A 10 foot shrek statue on a wall of 12 packs of various sodas :o In front of albertsons. He had his arms up in the Rawr position ("((<_<))"

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 07/30/2004 04:11 AM EST

They actually called it Texas Rotisserie Grill? Maybe I should make a restaurant called New Orleans Barbecue Pit.

Chestnuts roasted by sghh @ 07/30/2004 08:43 AM EST

How do giant inflatable chicken compare to ducks, Matt?

Chestnuts roasted by Yzziefrog @ 07/30/2004 08:47 AM EST

Weren't He-Man and his fellow Eternians disgusted at the thought of eating flesh, specifically chicken, in the movie? So what's the deal with the old cartoon series? Was King Randor eating Tofurkey?

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 07/30/2004 09:36 AM EST

We had a small ma'-and-pa' chicken place around where I live. On the roof there was a seven-foot chicken statue that looked like it cost more than the place itself.

Two days before they went out of business, somebody stole the seven-foot chicken statue.

Meaning, in somebody's basemant nearby, someone has a giant chicken statue. Poor souls.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 07/30/2004 10:05 AM EST

How do you know I didn't just walk off on my own? They were gonna roast me up for the big closing ceremony!

Chestnuts roasted by seven-foot chicken statue @ 07/30/2004 11:20 AM EST

Great, now I'm having flashbacks to Subservient Chicken. Chickens, especially giant chickens, should not wear garters. blorgh.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/30/2004 11:37 AM EST

WTC?!

Chestnuts roasted by alfonso the bat @ 07/30/2004 12:11 PM EST

chickens are evil, they have horrible meat, and are slowly hpnotizing the humans to believe that everythin tastes like them. IT'S NOT TRUE, SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 07/30/2004 12:46 PM EST

Matt,
I think inflatable costumes are the new thing lately. I was at a Rocky Horror convention this past weekend here in NYC, and they not only had their own inflatable chicken costume for a special convention performance, but they also (and I definitely thought of you after seeing this!) a GIANT INFLATABLE KOOL AID MAN COSTUME!! Yes!! At some point while viewing the film, a giant Kool Aid man bursts into the theater!! What this had to do with the movie or any of the audience jokes I'm not sure but it was awesome!! It was like I was in one of those old Kool Aid commercials!! The red one himself was there!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Melissa Y. @ 07/30/2004 01:32 PM EST

Oh Yeah! Did Kool Aid Man bust through the wall? Man, I wish I could have been there for that. OH YEAH!

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 07/30/2004 01:39 PM EST

CHICKEN BLOWS!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Scott P @ 07/30/2004 02:00 PM EST

Transformers theme remix music video

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/30/2004 02:12 PM EST

New York sounds scarier and scarier with each new description you bring me of it.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 07/30/2004 02:17 PM EST

No fair! They're supposed to wait until you attack them 3-36 times before they do that!

*10 easy points for the refrence

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 07/30/2004 02:21 PM EST

legend odf zelda ocarina of time?

Chestnuts roasted by pygmalien @ 07/30/2004 02:47 PM EST

I'll see your OOT and raise you Link to the Past and Link's awakening!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/30/2004 02:58 PM EST

Pretty much any Zelda game has killer chickens, right?

Chestnuts roasted by JG! @ 07/30/2004 03:17 PM EST

Blah Blah,
No, not through a wall, but through the doorway of the theater which was equally cool in my opinion. Funny thing was, unless you were sitting on that side of the theater and happened to look behind you you wouldn't notice him otherwise. He made a very brief appearance, but a neato one nonetheless.

Chestnuts roasted by MelissaY @ 07/30/2004 03:29 PM EST

never in canada...eh?

Chestnuts roasted by bri -guy @ 07/30/2004 03:47 PM EST

So Matt,

Can we start gearing up for Halloween yet?

Chestnuts roasted by Another Matt @ 07/30/2004 06:24 PM EST

Giant Fucking Chickens RULE.

Chestnuts roasted by Schrik @ 07/30/2004 06:28 PM EST

I loved pissing off the chickens in Link to the Past. After a while of beating the shit out of a chicken a whole swarm flew in and attacked you. You gotta love it!

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 07/30/2004 06:37 PM EST

Jeebus, the chickens are out for blood. Kill them all. They are mad at us for trying to avoid red meat and thinking they could substitute. Hmmm, I want some chicken nuggets!
*sees chicken out of corner of eye*
I mean, hamburger, hamburger.. yeah, tha... noooooooooo
*gets pecked to death by evil chicken*

Chestnuts roasted by sailor moon @ 07/30/2004 06:38 PM EST

long live the chicken warrior

Chestnuts roasted by Drax @ 07/30/2004 08:03 PM EST

TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE trailer

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/30/2004 09:08 PM EST

Holy crap, ME, thanks. I've been dying to see that trailer ever since you posted those links awhile back. Howsabout a link to the HHGTTG trailer?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/30/2004 10:59 PM EST

So now I've got this imagine in my mind of the Chik-Fil-A cows in a gigantic, apocolyptic, fight to the finish with the fowl of Chicken Run. Man, that would make a damn cool movie.
"Eat Chicken!"
"No, Eat Cow!"
"I'll Eat You!!!"
"Just you try it, four-legs."

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 07/31/2004 12:53 AM EST

You've got all the luck Matt!
First street-corner Spidey,
and now the faux-inflatable chicken;
If only there were such colorful characters in my city, closest I've seen in a rather large pink pig stuffed animal (bigger than most 4 year old children) sitting outside an appliane store!

Chestnuts roasted by Jay @ 07/31/2004 01:35 AM EST

Um.. did something bad happen?

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 07/31/2004 01:41 AM EST

squee, I actually posted the link in the troll thread, but here it is again:
http://hitchhikermovie.free.fr/pages/trailer.html

TA:WP will be fun, but HHGTTG has me feeling like a kid again. If you want to check out the earlier work of its filmmakers, Hammer and Tongs (a.k.a. Garth Jennings and Nick Goldsmith), then go here. The official movie blog has some cool stuff as well.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/31/2004 03:05 AM EST

Sheesh. Not only does the situation Matt cited remind me of Family Guy, but so does the Kool Aid Man thing that Melissa Y. posted. Spooky.

Chestnuts roasted by Seth @ 07/31/2004 05:31 AM EST

(sigh) Man o manos, I had a rough night! We get a call 'round midnight, One of my cousins came home and found another cousin in her driveway in a pool of blood. She calls the police and he gets taken to the local hospital. Because he was beat up pretty badly, the police cordon off the area round the apartment. Meanwhile, the hospital does what they can and calls for a medi-flight to take the poor guy to Lawton for better treatment. that's about the time my Ma gets the phone call. Being a very close-knit family, we're soon on our way, Ma, Little Brother, Sis-In-Law, and myself. Down in Lawton, its us, one aunt and her daughter (the one who found the victim), her husband and baby. Another aunt (the mother of the victim), and her three daughters. the doc comes out and asks for the partent and a sibling, and Oldest Aunt, and her Oldest Daughter go in. the rest of us are getting antsy, having jus seen one of my uncles out of the hospital, and his first wife to the cemetary (long story). Then Oldest Aunt comes out and asks for Ma (she's seemingly got the most sense out of all seven sibs). Soon Ma, and oldest Girl Cousin come out. "That's not Him!" "!?" "It isn't my Brother." "?!" "It's some one else!" "!?!?" We got home at 4:00 in the morning. sigh.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/31/2004 02:35 PM EST

Knowing me, I would've gone all Chuck E. Cheese on that chicken's ass!

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/31/2004 10:07 PM EST

Hmmm, think blog broken. It ate my effusive thanks to ME.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 08/01/2004 04:11 AM EST

Oh, NOW it works

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 08/01/2004 04:12 AM EST

Jeez, king, did you find out who the guy is? Where was your cousin, this whole time?

I went to see Bourne Supremacy last night. Very jerky and epileptic fitty. I will say, though, when we decide to get a new car, we're going for the Russian Taxi. Those things hold up pretty well.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 08/01/2004 10:52 AM EST

Koolaid Man probably busted through the wall Just as Professor Scott did in the movie...because they couldn't afford a door.

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 08/01/2004 12:03 PM EST

Squee, you are welcome. Check out some rare Trey and Matt videos here.

Matt, you might like Uglydolls. Here is an interview with the creators.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/01/2004 01:33 PM EST

I'm guessing you guys are waiting for a new article too. I don't what else to say about chickens anymore, but lately when I when to the grocery store to get something to eat, in the fruit snacks aisle, General Mills came out with Care Bears Fruit Snack (sadly it has only three care bears). Hey, Matt, may be you can do a blog entry on these fruit snacks?

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 08/01/2004 01:50 PM EST

Or The Froot Loops ALIEN FRUIT MONSTER Fiasco, Part II." Now I heard that mean green Alien Fruit Monster is nice yellow Alien Fruit Monster, possible the effect of Fruit Loops on one mind, no.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 08/01/2004 01:54 PM EST

The cousin was at his place, sleeping off a few beers due to his breakup with his boyfriend. Wasn't until the next day he found out the whole story. I know just about everyone else thinks their family is a little nuts, but mine all lined up to get clocked in the noggin with a Xtra Xtreme Goofy Mallet. The vic was from a local family, but we can't quite place him yet. One of those things where if we hear his nickname, we'll go, "Ohhh, that guy!" At least, his life might have been saved thanks to my cousin's bad eyesight and a face full of blood.

Yellow=nice? I gotta find out how this happened.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 08/01/2004 02:33 PM EST

I don't how it happened, but the lastest box of Fruit Loops (the one with the marshmallow) has the Alien Fruit Monster yellow and smiling. Something is obviously in Fruit Loops to turn Tocan Sam enemies into his best of friend.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 08/01/2004 03:57 PM EST

I just watched my favorite song of all time set to Ranma footage! I'd say DVDA rules, but I wouldn't want to be misinterpreted. Ew.
Thanks again, ME!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 08/01/2004 04:11 PM EST

TROLLS! TROLLS! TROLLS! EVERYWHERE! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!!

~Shh! I'm trying to use the phone!

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 08/01/2004 08:32 PM EST

Thousands of years ago, I did battle with that very chicken, he was a super soldier for the chicken scietists and he slew many of my turkey brethren...... Whose the loser now chicken your foced to sell your soul to the namless masses.
ATHF quotes RAWK!!!

Chestnuts roasted by K Miller (AKA- Ghost of Christmas Past) @ 08/02/2004 02:31 AM EST

....From the Future?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 08/02/2004 11:51 AM EST

Great Family Guy episode, Inkmage. "Chicken...gave me a bad coupon....."

Chestnuts roasted by T.J. @ 08/02/2004 05:32 PM EST

Post 75! Post and poultry both start with P-O, so does posy but that's irrelavent

Chestnuts roasted by Tornado @ 08/03/2004 06:40 PM EST

"Billywitchdoctor.com work mostly with chicken. ARISE CHICKEN... ARISE!"

I am
Sofa King
We Todd Ed

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...Blah @ 08/04/2004 12:54 PM EST

I just remembered this: www.subservientchicken.com/
The requests that the Subservant Chicken responds to: www.xeni.net/images/bb/clipData.html

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 08/04/2004 09:27 PM EST

I went to an independent league baseball game recently (Bridgeport Bluefish) and they had these great inflatable costumes between innings called Zooperstars. They were animals dressed like sports stars (eg Roger CLAMens, Nomar GarciaPARROT, Harry CANARY). Click on my name to see...

Chestnuts roasted by Alison @ 08/05/2004 04:06 PM EST

On (somewhat) related note, check out http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/ it's about a chicken that lived for over a year without his head.

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 08/06/2004 10:32 AM EST