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07/19/2004 Entry: "Spider-Man Wants A Tip!"

This was heehawrioush. Near where I work are a great number of beggars, ranging from the kind you genuinely feel terrible for to scam artists of the lowest order. You grow accustomed to being accosted, and if you can make it through the day with your coffee change and extra cigarettes intact, you've done better than most. The greatest of all money grubbers stood tall in Times Square today, and it was none other than Spider-Man.

So I'm approaching Spidey, and I'm just assuming it's some kind of big promotion. There's always some weird shit like that going on. The closer I get, the more I realize that I'm looking at an outfit straight out of Ben Cooper's trashcan. If there's been a worse, more poorly fitting or disingenuous Spider-Man costume, it's for certain that the Devil walks among us. Pretty soon, Spidey's plan revealed itself: the guy was posing for pictures with tourists for tips. You had hundreds of people running across busy avenues, kids screaming, flashes flashing, the works. The costume barely covered the sweatsuit underneath, and his head peered out from the all-too-large eyeholes in ways that'd unmask any secret identity. And, for a Spider-Man, this guy was really out of shape. Despite all of this, everyone was completely infatuated.

Using a milkcrate to collect his donations, Spider-Man was admittedly a crowd-pleaser. If someone wanted a superhero pose, they got one. If somebody wanted Spidey to dance with them, passing cars were treated with a sight only slightly less surreal than watching goats fuck dolphins. The best part? As people walked by, Spider-Man would frequently yell out, "see the movie!" You've gotta admire the guy's determination to seem affiliated. To put how unreal this was into perspective, there was a guy literally thirty feet away strumming a guitar wearing nothing but white underwear reading "NAKED COWBOY" over the ass, and not a single person was paying attention to him. It was all about the mysterious ghetto Spidey.

REPLIES: 133 comments

Damn guy stole all the attention from me... sad

Chestnuts roasted by Naked Cowboy @ 07/19/2004 10:03 PM EST

More, indeilable proof that no one can resist a costumed character, no matter how lame they may be.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 07/19/2004 10:06 PM EST

Little Kid: What's that Spidey? (Pointing to his crotch)
Spidey: Uhh...web fluid stains.

Sorry about the innuendo. But seriously, did this guy have anything particularly nasty about him? Did he smell bad or have any unusual stains or whatever? I would imagine a guy like this would, but I need confirmation from you Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 10:15 PM EST

Further Note:Let's rename the kid "Jimmy" and insert a "," before the word "Spidey."

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 10:18 PM EST

I should probably mention that I don't mean any disrespect for the guy. I would definitely give him more than the change in my pocket for the very fact that he's paying a tribute to my favorite superhero.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 10:24 PM EST

Man, NY gets all the good bums. The one I passed today in FL had a sign that said "Hungy Vet." Yup, that's how he spelled it. Hungy. Guess that says something slightly different about him...

Chestnuts roasted by Kidd Video @ 07/19/2004 10:25 PM EST

Kidd Video-LOL. That's how one of my cousins used to say it when she was like, two.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 10:26 PM EST

I'm not much of a follower of the comic books, did Peter and Mary Jane have kids, that would strain anyones wallet...maybe Spideys got bills we don't even know about(er, web fluid stain dry cleaning bills).
Even if they didn't have kids maybe Peter and MJ are getting a divorce...Spiderman, from what I've heard it's cheaper to keep her.

Chestnuts roasted by whitemale_98/competent soldier @ 07/19/2004 10:40 PM EST


Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/19/2004 10:44 PM EST

By the way, has anyone stopped to consider the very real possibility that that is Michael Jackson under that costume...

(Anyone else see the VH1 commercial for the Michael Jackson movie? I won't be able to sleep for a month...)

Chestnuts roasted by whitemale_98/competent soldier @ 07/19/2004 10:47 PM EST

I find it particularly amusing that his costume is so shoddy XD
1)His mask doesn't even fit on that well, and, you can see his neck
2)His boots are a bit akward looking
3)His ants are quite a bit baggy and almost looks like sweat pants
4)And, god, I have to love that shirt

Street-bum-spidey, you are now my hero.

Chestnuts roasted by Teh Bret @ 07/19/2004 10:58 PM EST

I can't say no to a costumed character, but I probaly would to this one.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 07/19/2004 11:00 PM EST

Cute! Anyway, Matt, now that you work there, Do you have any shows on Nickelodeon that you just loathe entirely and in general think just plain suck @^%*&^*. Mine are CHalkzone, the new epicodes of RUgrats (Seriously, kimi turned the babies brains into shit with her prescence and destroyed the shows charm by making it into just another baby show by making all the babies idiots) and anything on Nick Jr. Everyone else is open to this topic as well, so feel free to answer in

Chestnuts roasted by TOM @ 07/19/2004 11:32 PM EST

To be quite honest with you, I hate everything about how Nick currently is. I miss the days when they aired shows like "Double Dare", "You Can't Do That on Television", "Turkey TV", and so on, along with interesting cartoons like "The Mysterious Cities of Gold" and "Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea".

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 11:39 PM EST

Although that's not to say that I wouldn't want a job working for them. Any writing job of this magnitude, regard less of how much the company may suck, has got to rule.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 11:40 PM EST

Oh and also, whitemale_98/competent soldier, THat guy was not Michael Jackson(AKA Freakazoid) . ANyone could tell that that guy had a fully formed face (With a nose)!

Chestnuts roasted by TOM @ 07/19/2004 11:41 PM EST

NATE! I LIKE NICK SO DON"T BADMOUTH THEM! Ofcourse, I never saw any of those 80s cartoons (considering I was born in 1992). Yep, I am a 90s kid on an 80's website
PS Sorry for allo my rambling and friggin' annoying posts. I have a mental and social dissability called Asspergers syndrome (Pronounced Ass-Burgers). Don't call me retarded or make any jokes involving the words Ass or Burgers

Chestnuts roasted by A very outraged TOM @ 07/19/2004 11:47 PM EST

TOM-Hey Ass Burger (sorry, I just couldn't resist), chill out bro. It's okay if you like it, it's just that I don't. And I won't ccall you retarded. Besides, it seems like everybody today has some sort of disability. As for me, I have ADD. I love talking to myself (I'm doing it right now), and I space out quite frquently. Of course, there has been my past with drugs (something I've overcome), but I've always had problems paying attention in class and when people are talking to me (although it's gotten better, as I have learned to fight it). So don't worry, man.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 11:57 PM EST

Actually WM_98/CS I would figure that MJ was the primary breadwinner of the peter MJ duo. I mean she was a famous model, and he spent most of his time saving people for free.

Chestnuts roasted by Jonas @ 07/19/2004 11:59 PM EST

Y'know, McDonald's burgers really do smell like ass. They taste like it too. Wait a minute. How would I know that?

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/19/2004 11:59 PM EST

LMAO, I LOVE Spider-bum!

Reminds me of "Old Cross-back". He's a nutcase at Ocean City MD that has an eyepatch, and a sandwich bag on his foot, he's always dragging around a big cross on wheels on his back.
He's cool!

Chestnuts roasted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 07/20/2004 12:31 AM EST

That rocks. Ah, to be in NY...

LBD "Nytetrayn"

Chestnuts roasted by LBD "Nytetrayn" @ 07/20/2004 12:53 AM EST

Nick's always been allright with me. Although I somehow completely missed out on that Spartikus show (The original title being Le Monde Engloutis, I think that's how it's spelled). Encyclopedia Obscura got me interested in it.

I, too have Asperger's. But I still have no clue what that means, other than I have autistic tendencies (I tend to rock back and forth and not even notice it). I don't think it's ever gotten in my way. Well, it does once people who are intolerant towards people with any disability know I have it, but that's a different story.

Chestnuts roasted by Teirusu @ 07/20/2004 12:54 AM EST

He's cool for a bum. I want bums dressed up like spiderman around here, here they just push around their shopping carts and scare the shit out of me when they jump in the dumpster behind the grocery store I work at. He may be a bum, but he's a creative one in a crappy costume! Yay for spidey bum!

Chestnuts roasted by sailor moon @ 07/20/2004 12:57 AM EST

I always thought it was spelled Aspergers. You probably wouldn't feel as self-conscious if you spelled it that way.

Chestnuts roasted by TB @ 07/20/2004 01:00 AM EST

Duh Mickey D's burgers suck. If you want good burgers, go to burger king. Also Nate, I also talk to myself and space out sometimes. I even sometimes get so distracted with someting, I can't hear any outside voices.
ps. WHo would win in a battle of the Mascots: Spyro, Banjo ((and kazooie, Crash Bandicoot?

Chestnuts roasted by TOM @ 07/20/2004 01:07 AM EST

There is a pretty horrible spider-man costume here, as well, from the Turkish Spider-man vs. Captain America movie


Chestnuts roasted by FuzzyHulk @ 07/20/2004 01:21 AM EST

Matt-I cannot believe that you are no longer letting people post on archived blog entries. Now I can't post anything on the photog entry anymore. That is so Bitner!

Just kidding. I completely understand. It was probably taking up too much webspace and perhaps even bandwidth (I need to learn more about webmaster if I plan on doing such a thing), which you need for more articles.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/20/2004 01:29 AM EST

TOM-No. BK sucks too. If you want a real burger, go to a restaurant. But now that I think of it, if I were in a restaurant, the last thing I would want to order is a burger as there are most likely many far more tasty items on the menu.


This reminds me of an anecdote my dad, uncle, and grandparents told me. Apparently when my uncle and dad were kids, whenever they went out to a restaurant, my grandma would always order for my uncle. One day my uncle started crying after my grandma ordered for him. Adter asking him why he was crying he said, "I wanted to order." My grandma went ahead and said "Alright. Go ahead and order." And then my uncle got this looked at the waitress and said ever so proudly "A HAAAMMMBUUURRRGERRR!" with a big smile on his face. From that day forward until he was a little more grown up, he always ordered a hamburger.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/20/2004 01:35 AM EST

Tron Tron Tron Tron Tron Tron

Hooray for these words written by matt!

Nate that was an awesome story! except fpr the thaipose. HA HA!

He does whatever he can for money

Chestnuts roasted by dfhjdjh @ 07/20/2004 01:47 AM EST

Everyone has probably already seen it already, but just in case you haven't...

Lego Spider-man!

Chestnuts roasted by Marchant @ 07/20/2004 01:53 AM EST

"Spider-Bum, Spider-Bum
From the pavement he gets his gum
Embrasses himself, for some fries
And in the night, eats the flies
Look out!
Here comes a Spider-Bum

Does he smell?
Listen kid
He's got essence of pure shit
Does he pee in his sweats
Take a look at his pants
Hey there
There goes a Spider-Bum

In the chill of night
At the location of his home
There is a big assed box
With which he fights off the cold

Spider-Bum, Spider-Bum
Creepy neighborhood Spider-Bum
Wealth and fame
Is what he wants
But what he gets
Is lots of phot shots

To him, life is a great big trip up
And his mask often likes to slip up
And his name is a Spider-Bum!"

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/20/2004 02:12 AM EST

Nickelodeon was good back in the day, but there are few shows left that I can watch without imploding into an unending vortex of horror. However, Spongebob is awesome, and, until they took it off the air, Invader Zim was one of the best shows ever.

Chestnuts roasted by eyebrowsoffire @ 07/20/2004 02:23 AM EST

you're lucky that you didn't get beat up by superman.

Chestnuts roasted by urquidez @ 07/20/2004 03:17 AM EST

I wanna live in New York... sad

Chestnuts roasted by Brad @ 07/20/2004 04:02 AM EST

Hey guys,

About halfway through reading this article I got a mental picture of a whole rag tag group of creepy cheesy deranged super heros begging for cash roaming the streets. Just picture a hunched over old Flash with a limp, coughing from some lung ailment and scratching near his navel through a convenient hole in is suit. Or a silver surfer complete with tarnished silver suit, painted black rubber boots with an old surf board with a shark bite out of the side of it. Luckily, where I am from they shoo this losers off the street pretty quickly. Unfortunately god knows where they go, for all I know the get dropped off at the next corner for a little more superhero mayhem!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Mooseknuckle @ 07/20/2004 07:12 AM EST

I bet under that mask was Nathan Bitner

Chestnuts roasted by Mr King @ 07/20/2004 07:59 AM EST

Eh, I'd hang out with Street Spidey way before "Naked" "Cowboy" creep. That guy needs to stop showing up on my TV with his creepy-ass grimace and Axl Rose hair. Come to think of it, how do we know that the Naked Cowboy isn't Michale Jackson under all that "Naked" "Cowboy?"

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 07/20/2004 08:04 AM EST

We have a similar guy, but he dresses up as the Riddler. It doesn't go over quite as well. Maybe when the new Riddler movie comes out he will have more luck. Until then, he just seems kinda scary.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 07/20/2004 08:19 AM EST

Everyone's got to make an honest living.

Chestnuts roasted by pulseczar @ 07/20/2004 08:30 AM EST

41st post. Woo hoo!

Chestnuts roasted by fraggot @ 07/20/2004 08:31 AM EST

You know, Matt, a picture of the Naked Cowboy would have been appreciated.

Our homeless people (we can't call them "bums" in Canada, or the PC police will get us) are nowhere near as interesting, except for one called The Shaky Lady. She was profiled in a newspaper, a seemingly frail lady who could barely walk, and shaking all the time. Turns out she was spry enough to run after the reporter to try to hit him with her cane, and the reporter got picture of where she lives, complete with leather couches and big-screen TV. She had to take her act on the road, and has been seen around the country at various national events.

I'll take Spidey any day. At least you'd get a cool picture out of your change.

Chestnuts roasted by Yzziefrog @ 07/20/2004 08:52 AM EST

I really have nothing to say regarding our friend Spidey, but I am outraged to see that throughtout all the Nickelodeon debates you've all failed to mention the channel's most important show of all - The Ren & Stimpy Show! Muddy Mudskipper, the tooth beaver, Mr Horse, Powdered Toast Man, Log. Even satan showed up that time Ren whizzed on the Electric Fence. I don't even know why I have a TV anymore.

Chestnuts roasted by Tougi @ 07/20/2004 09:00 AM EST

The Naked Cowboy is one of the relatively permanent fixtures of Times Square. I've seen him walking around in all his naked glory in the dead of winter, and somehow he;s lost his mystique as a result of being seen so frequently. Now, Spider-Man, however, is something you don't see every day. Especially if he happens to be of the Spider-Bum variety. He's got the je ne sais quoi at the moment that the Naked Cowboy apparently has only for his rare and twisted groupies... Honestly, who would be a groupie for a naked cowboy???

Man, I wish I were back in the city instead of stranded in the middle of nowhere right now...

Chestnuts roasted by Pirate7L @ 07/20/2004 09:33 AM EST


Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/20/2004 09:49 AM EST

Speaking of hamburgers, the best kind are the homemade kind, like my dad makes. Even better with homemade fries.

Chestnuts roasted by Teirusu @ 07/20/2004 10:06 AM EST

I was just having a discussion with my girlfriend about panhandlers. If they have a convincing story or really work at it, I'll give them the cash. A down-on-his-luck Spidey? Worth a coin or two.

Down in D.C./Maryland, they don't even care. And besides, most of the panhandlers sport nice looking backpacks, watches, etc. I even caught one of them on his cell phone (and the damn thing was exponentially better than mine!)

From my limited travels, I have to say that NYC panhandlers are a cut above the rest:
D.C.= Lethargic people with signs who walk alongside roads & probably make more than minimum wage per hour.
Seattle= Pushy, rude, and they will pickpocket.

Chestnuts roasted by Lackadaisical @ 07/20/2004 10:09 AM EST

There was a short piece about the Naked Cowboy and other NYC street performers in a recent issue of Time Out New York. He claims to make, on average, $5/minute (yes, minute!) posing for pictures w/ tourists. $5/minute, $300/hr, $2100 day (7 hr., day, 1 hr. for lunch), $10,500/week (5 day week except for Christmas season (nipple warmers permitting)), $42,000/month, $504,000/yr. CASH MONEY!! No deductions for 401(k), SS, fed tax, state tax, god damn CITY TAX!! What the Fuck am I doing in an office buidling on sunny day in suit and tie working for corporate egomaniacs?

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 07/20/2004 11:05 AM EST

Panhandlers in New York are seeming to get more and more creative, dressing up as every favorite marvel superheroes living in New York. What next for them, dressing up as Disney's charaters, offering to hug children with a small donation, or one of the cats from the Broadway musical, Cats.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/20/2004 11:53 AM EST

Waaay back in my youth, I remember bums kinda like Senor Cardgage (aka creepy comb-over Strong Bad). At least Spidey-Bum can speak actual words. Clikk th' name.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/20/2004 11:56 AM EST

It's a sad day when people ignore the Naked Cowboy, who's not a particularly good guitarist, but is, at least, a really nice guy.

Chestnuts roasted by Seth Christenfeld @ 07/20/2004 11:56 AM EST

Hey Matt, I know your are busy with your job, but in the near future can please review one of the Care Bears movie and/or epsiode. I want see how you comment Grumpy Bear always complaining all the time and Hug and Tug just being annoying.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/20/2004 11:57 AM EST

Also, you can comment how Brave heart (the Care Bear's couisn, not the movie) should learn to shut his mouth up, and once acting like a coward, in Care Bears in Wonderland, when it come to fighting Giant Robot. You hear me, Giant Robot!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/20/2004 12:02 PM EST

OoP! I ment to say giant robots, not robot. Sorrysmile

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/20/2004 12:03 PM EST

Pedro, where does he keep all the money while he is naked cowboying?

If you are ever out late in Boston, be sure to keep an eye out for guy on a suped-up adult tricycle. He is constantly riding at night; unless he stops for a slice at Little Stevie's. He does ride out to the suburbs as well.

I used to see him during the day when I was in high school in the city. You would hear his yell before you could see him speeding down crowded sidewalks.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/20/2004 12:45 PM EST


I wondered the same thing when I read the piece. He wears cowboy boots, so maybe he just crams the dough in in there, although I highly doubt it as thousands of dollars in singles and fives would be quite cumbersome, to say the least. I imagine he has a pimp of sorts that comes by to pick up the dough so he's not NYC's most naked mugging waiting to happen.

I have also recently seen a Naked Cowgirl in Times Square along the same lines, although she wears a tighty whitey style bra (if you can imagine such a contraption.)

Those souped up bicyle guys are all over Atlantic City and the Long Beach Boardwalk on LI. Sadly, they don't yell at us. It's NY, so they go wherever the hell they want.

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 07/20/2004 01:18 PM EST

I thought he might tuck it in his guitar/defense weapon, but your pimp idea makes more sense.

The tricycle man's yell was more of a noise than something you would expect from someone's mouth. He might be autistic, as the one time I was in Little Stevie's with him, I did not hear him say anything.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/20/2004 02:13 PM EST

Hmmmm, Naked Cowboy and Tricycle man, when will this madness end.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/20/2004 03:07 PM EST

I have no idea what you guys (Pedro and ME) are talking (Naked Cowboy and a man riding tricycle) about since I live in the suburb.
P.S. Thanks ME for the link to the G.I.Joe PSA parodies by Fensler Film. PSA # 24 (origanl about wearing a life jacket) always make me laugh and remind me of the old Transformer PSA now found new PS2 game.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/20/2004 03:15 PM EST

I really wish we had cool panhandlers here, unfortunately, they are mostly of the "I feel really sorry for you" or "Don't even think about trying to get my money" varieties. Nobody in costume, though.

The worst was when I was approached by two different men, at two different times (I am a woman), and both of them began with "Excuse me, sir."
Yeah, If I really had money to give you, you sure as hell won't be getting anything by calling me "Sir."

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 07/20/2004 03:43 PM EST


Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/20/2004 03:45 PM EST

Man I ran into some bums in canada. Damn they're pushy. Me and some friends went to Vancouver and were walking around the part of town where Blunt Brothers is located. Anyway we were about 2 maybe 3 block away when this bum started yelling "Hey Hey.." so we were hopeing he wasn't yelling at us. He ran up to us and demanded that we give him twenty dollars. We were like no and he was all "man I work at Blunt Brothers and I'm strapped so give me twenty bucks and I'll hook you guys up." Well we had just been to BB and knew he was full of bullshit. That and he was methed out of his mind. So we said no again and walked away and he started following us. He was giving us this crap about how thirty bucks american is twenty bucks canadian so if we give him thirty bucks he'll give us twenty. So we're like no again but he still kept following us. On and on he stayed with us. Finally he snapped and said "I'll fuckin stab you!" So we were like fuck this and went into the nearest bank and told the security guard that this crazy bum has been following us for the past ten blocks. Then his retarded russian friend comes into the bank after us and was all like "what the matter guys? whats wrong?" THE FUCK!!!? Your some insane meth freak whose been following us all day and your asking whats wrong. So eventually the cops come and arrest the guy. But man the next time I'm going to Vancouver I'm bringing some steel batons and I'm going to put some beat down on those wacked meth junkies.

Chestnuts roasted by Zanders @ 07/20/2004 03:54 PM EST

I've only been to NYC once, for about an hour, but I totally saw the Naked Cowboy!

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 07/20/2004 04:13 PM EST

whitemale_98/competent soldier and TOM, are you talking about some Michael Jackson TV movie? I have just watched the trailer from this terrible looking movie that actually has Jackson. Eric Roberts and the guy who played Ferris Bueller on the TV show are also in this cheap thing.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/20/2004 05:31 PM EST

It seems that Jackson is working again with the director of the movie above, but this time as co-director: www.imdb.com/title/tt0326254/

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/20/2004 05:38 PM EST

I know this all has nothing to do with what about to say, but I have to get this out!!!!!!!
I just finnished reading the Fearless Photog story and there is really nothing I can say that hasnt already been said about how I felt when reading about the life and times of Nathan Bitner (though, Im going to try even if I cant spell or use propper sentance structure)

The best way I can think of discribing it is I felt like Basjin in The Never Ending story, I felt as if I was there and a part of it all. Not only did I come to learn about Nathan, but I got to see so much about the people that regulary posted, I had so much fun reading everything everyone had to say, I laughed as if I were there in a actual room with friends, I was upset when an idea or thought fell through, and I was happy when Nathan made his appearance!

I feel the main purpose of this "quest" was something different to everyone, and most likely changed as each month or story passed. For what it ment to me the most is, that when a group of people come together in any walk of life they can truly accoplish almost anything! What you have done is shown that people do care for eachother, people do have fun with life, and people are not so different.

It didnt matter if Nathan ever posted or not, just that you tired hard and cared enough to keep going after such a long time.
I know everything I said sounds clishe but I honestly see what see in this story. It took me about 4 days to read it all, and I just want to jump right back in and read it all over again. I dont think something like this could ever happen again, its a one in a life time deal, and I was just so glad I happen to stumble apon it.

Thank you to everyone!

Chestnuts roasted by Kate Chapman @ 07/20/2004 06:46 PM EST

* I Know this has nothing to do with this blog but...* razz

Chestnuts roasted by Kate Chapman @ 07/20/2004 06:47 PM EST

I just heard MJ is going to be the father of triplets? or quaddruplets? something like that!

Chestnuts roasted by Loozer @ 07/20/2004 07:42 PM EST

I was in New York for the first time last weekend with some friends (I'm from Arkansas), and saw Spidey in Times Square! I hate to say it, but I was a tourist and took a picture with the guy.....in my picture you can see how out of shape the guy is. I was sad because I didn't see the Naked Cowboy- my NY friend had mentioned him before but he wasn't there that day.

Chestnuts roasted by Carararara @ 07/20/2004 08:26 PM EST

Wow, Beed. I didn't know you went to X-E. Matt, do you think you can pull a string or two and have a "classic day" in which you play a modified GAS schedule (Nick Arcade, Angry Beavers, Double Dare (NOT DD2000!), Secrets of the Hidden Temple (Go Olmec!), etc etc etc). Oh, and my favorite, What Would You Do?! Love your site. Long time reader, first time poster.

Chestnuts roasted by SD, the person who lives next to the last Discovery Zone @ 07/20/2004 09:17 PM EST

Hooray for ghetto Spiderman! XD

Chestnuts roasted by ApolloBoy @ 07/20/2004 11:15 PM EST

I'll bet this spider's blood is a little more than radioactive...

Chestnuts roasted by Summer @ 07/21/2004 12:16 AM EST

Man! What the 'F' is with me not being able to post on here due to the "Greymatter" thing?! I've been silent for too long! I've gotta agree, Canadian bums are pushy, but they have to be - especially when their dollar is worth half of ours!

~The stars at night are big and bright. . .

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 07/21/2004 12:27 AM EST

Great stories about beggars and bums in costumes big grin Some guy ate 20000 big macs, but thats not the amazing part...the amazing part is that he is still alive! He looks like a crazy mid 70's computer geek too!

That spider bum song was great XD

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 07/21/2004 01:46 AM EST

Ok, I caught the commercial for Man in the Mirror and understand why it looks freaky. MJ is being played by Flex Alexander.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/21/2004 02:23 AM EST

I lived in NYC from 2001-2003, and can attest to the strange beggars.

One time a friend of mine were checking out the comic book store down in Times Square (I can't remember its name, but Matt knows what I'm referring to). I just exited the building when all of a sudden i heard this guy yell, "MOVE! MOVE!!!" I instinctivel threw myself backwards. Then, on my right side, some black homeless guy comes running like a bat out of hell, down feathers flying everywhere (strange in know). As he is running his pants are falling down. Just a few feet past me, the two cops running after him tackle the guy. By now, the bums pants are completely around his knees (he wasn't wearing underwear. UGH!) There are also feathers everywhere. Now the two cops have him on the ground. They proceeeded to kick and beat the shit out of him. After watching that for a few minutes, my friend and I hit the subway.

I have so many questions from that event. Why were they cops chasing him? Why were feathers everywhere. Why in the world did this bum not have a belt on? Perhaps these will never be unanswered.

ANyhow, I thought you'd enjoy my enounter with a bum

Chestnuts roasted by SHANE! @ 07/21/2004 08:42 AM EST

Oh yeah. Here's another beggar story.

I used to live in Brooklyn, near the Heights area. There is a music shop on Montague Street that I would frequent. Well, there was also a homeless lady who sat right at the base of the stoop of the store. She would ask people coming out if they had any change. She wouldn't say it very loud. She would always whisper it. So quiet you could barely hear her. Anyhow, I felt like a mean person. Many times, I would be walking out of the store with a purchase in hand. The change back would still be in my hand, and she would ask me if I had any change. Every time I said "NO."

Is that mean? I just don't like giving homeless people money.

Chestnuts roasted by SHANE! @ 07/21/2004 08:47 AM EST

I went to hollywood once, and there was a hobo in a 3 pieces toxedo asking for change saying he had a movie to finance

Chestnuts roasted by the guy nobody notices @ 07/21/2004 08:51 AM EST

He is doing much better now than back in the 80's when he was on the street corner as the punisher during the Dolf Lundren version of the movie.

Chestnuts roasted by thejyav @ 07/21/2004 09:55 AM EST

Actually folks, that Miss Cast AAway film looks kinda cute. I think I might like it. Of course, what do I know, I also liked Dickie ROberts:Former CHild Star and the 2 Matrix sequels. By the way, why does everyone say Nick sucks right now? I like the shows. Of course, being born in 1992 and never having seen the 80s shows means I can't judge. <_<

Chestnuts roasted by TOM @ 07/21/2004 10:06 AM EST

I agree with Tom, some of the shows on Nick right now does not suck, for example Spongebob Squarepant and Fairly Oddparents, but the rest do indeed suck. For example, I cannot stand the Amanda show, sorry, that girl cannot act. Also, the singing in Chalkzone gets on my nerves. :@

Chestnuts roasted by Grumpy Bear @ 07/21/2004 11:42 AM EST

Hmmmm. I don't what else to say about spider-bum and the mythical "naked cowboy." Meanwhile, with the lastest Nick agruement, I hardly do not Nick at all. Right now, I am more into "Lilo & Sticth: The Series." So what it the same plot over and over again, but at least there different experiments in each epsoide.

Chestnuts roasted by Beta-Theta @ 07/21/2004 12:01 PM EST

You should have taken your picture with Spider-Man.

[Can you answer my eMail about the Green Bamboo Peanuts, Matt?]

Chestnuts roasted by Mathew Olson @ 07/21/2004 12:30 PM EST

I live in Nutley, NJ,and even though it's only like 20 miles away from NYC, we've only got 2 crazy bums! You'd think some could have migrated south, but no... Anyway, we've have this one guy California Steve, who we guess is a vet but we don't really go near enough to find out, and then there's the "Just Do It!" guy, who is like 70 and for at least a decade has just benn running around our town bursting unexpectedly into storefronts and car windows screaming his catchphrase. Also, in the next town over, there's a guy who just sits outside this really old house with homemade posters with conpiracy theories written on them taped all over it. Once I saw his house's door fall down and he jumped out of his lawn chair and blamed it on the CIA.

Chestnuts roasted by Monte_Negro @ 07/21/2004 01:51 PM EST

Hey, I've actually been to Nutley. My best friend in high school's grandparents used to live there. Can't remember their names. Fortunado I think. Wasn't there long enough to notice some bums, but I'd lay heavy money there's more than 2 there. smile

Chestnuts roasted by Beetle Bomb @ 07/21/2004 02:32 PM EST


Chestnuts roasted by Summer @ 07/21/2004 02:52 PM EST

Little Brother used to work at a McD's in downtown Lawrence and had a few bum encounters. But the ones that he found hard to ignore were the young guys who could have went out and got a job, but would rather panhandle for party money. They would come in and harass the customers, and then get all indignant if chased off. He has a wife and cat to support, he can't waste time dealing with snot-nosed punks.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/21/2004 03:23 PM EST

I give Subway stamps to bums, but not enough to get a free sub. I can imagine the poor fellow finally getting enough points to get a sub, only to find that he must buy a drink before they redeem the points.

Chestnuts roasted by Gunder Wing @ 07/21/2004 04:02 PM EST

My boyfriend's office is near 3 homeless shelters in Toronto, and some of the stories he tells me...

One day he's walking by and the guy in front of him leaves his empty juice bottle by the wall of a buidling. The man behind him, BAREFOOT, pickes up the bottle and says, "hey, don't leave your bottle there, it's dangerous! THIS could happen..." and lobs the bottle in the air, which of course shatters to a gazillion sharp fragments. He's barefoot, remember?

There's a bylaw now in Toronto banning squeegee kids. Too many people got their car scratched by disgruntled teens who didn't get money for washing windshields with dry squeegees... So now they just panhandle holding coffee cups. Not so much in the wintertime, it's funny how they don't hate their parents as much when it's minus twenty outside.

I wonder how warm that Spidey costume would keep him? Or does he wear Care Bear furs in the winter?

Chestnuts roasted by Yzziefrog @ 07/21/2004 04:57 PM EST

Subway stamps. That's a genius idea!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by SHANE! @ 07/21/2004 05:44 PM EST

More than our share of bums here in Pittsburgh. Most just ask for change in that quiet, defeated voice. A few of them have 'explanations' of why they need money ('for the bus' is the #1 reason). Most people just ignore them. It's hard to feel sorry for panhandlers when they're (often) smoking a cigarette, you know?

There's one panhandler who hangs out near the Subway in my neighborhood. His schtick is carrying around flowers which he gives to anyone who wanders past him. His plan would probably work a lot better if the flowers weren't the most dried-up and brittle things you've ever seen. Even worse, if you don't give him enough money he takes the flowers back!!!

Chestnuts roasted by 4thDown @ 07/21/2004 05:45 PM EST

Is this the end of the Photog saga Matt ? Please say it isn't so.

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 07/21/2004 06:17 PM EST

There was a bum at vons last week that had no legs. It was creepy...

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 07/21/2004 06:35 PM EST

The SpiderBum is the actor who played Spiderman in the 70's TV show. After it was cancelled his career went into the toilet. So now he figures he can make a quick buck and break out his old costume.

Chestnuts roasted by Dikfishman @ 07/21/2004 08:01 PM EST

Hey I was in NY on vacation that day! I saw un-fit spidy and the naked cowboy... very interesting!

Chestnuts roasted by Kontorted @ 07/21/2004 11:23 PM EST

I'd like to see the Spider-Bum and Naked Cowboy togeather. Imagine the Cowboy playing Nate's song while Spidey does the worst drunken dance you've ever seen.

Chestnuts roasted by Gunder Wing @ 07/22/2004 07:33 AM EST


I finally broke down and visited that Little Stevie's website you kept pitching. Hysterical.

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 07/22/2004 10:51 AM EST

I would like to verify that I saw a "Spiderguy" dressed up exactly like this at Battery Bark in NYC in early May. Just kind of sat on a bench, had a milk carton and plastic crate. Waved at people. I didn't take a picture and I really regret it now! Business did not seem to be going as well for him then as Matt says he is doing now.

Chestnuts roasted by DannyW @ 07/22/2004 01:37 PM EST

Spidey-Bum was on the local news here in Louisville, KY two nights ago. I forget what the story was about but it was completely Spuidey-Bum unrelated. He just happened to be one of the onlookers in a shot of Times Square.

I immediately thought of X-E.

Chestnuts roasted by gerigrrl @ 07/22/2004 01:51 PM EST

I wonder if this guy could get his own show on Fox...

Chestnuts roasted by Evil Urchin @ 07/22/2004 03:13 PM EST

If I know Fox they'd give "The Amazing Spider-Bum" a pilot episode, which would probably be way overhyped, and then cancel the show after only 2 episodes have aired.

Chestnuts roasted by Gunder Wing @ 07/22/2004 03:27 PM EST

I am not making this up at all, but the Spiderman guy is from the Albany area and recently had a huge write up in the Albany paper. If I can find the link to the article, I'll post it. Apparently he isn't even a bum, just a guy who decided that was the best way to make a living.

Chestnuts roasted by Al @ 07/22/2004 04:20 PM EST

Ok, the freaking Albany Times Union website (http://www.timesunion.com) is asking for $2 for the article, but if I get around to it, I'll type it up as it's sad and hilarious at the same time.

Chestnuts roasted by Al @ 07/22/2004 04:23 PM EST

hehe nice way to make a living...
id rather take the corner store.
yah, downtown in my city you see guys pan handeling and claiming that "ooh i need money i need food for my family" and they follow you arouned until you either give them money or untill they start bugging someone else (thank god). once i gave one five bucks. next day i see him hanging out in a bar with his buddies.

Chestnuts roasted by tsukasa @ 07/22/2004 04:30 PM EST

I for one would enjoy a television show based on the adventures of ghetto Spider-Man

Chestnuts roasted by SuperStar @ 07/23/2004 12:05 PM EST

hmmm... like useing his web to distract people from naked cowboy?
oh ya that would be funny but one thing... or even better him trying to take the role of the REAL spider man!
okay this is back to the real topic now.
but see what he is doing is illegal because hes makeing money off of other peoples ideas.

Chestnuts roasted by tsukasa @ 07/23/2004 06:11 PM EST

oops typo

Chestnuts roasted by tsukasa @ 07/23/2004 06:14 PM EST

im from canada and we dont get that crap here eh...maby tronto (we dont say eh all the time...i used it maby 3 times in my 17 years of living)

Chestnuts roasted by bri-guy @ 07/24/2004 12:02 AM EST

oddly enough.. "the naked cowboy" has a real job, too.. - he works at the T.G.I. Friday's in springdale, ohio.. about twenty minutes from where i live..

Chestnuts roasted by Brian Hammons @ 07/24/2004 03:27 AM EST

I hate how there are all these super hero movies all of a sudden. First it was Spiderman then the Hulk, Spiderman2 and now Catwoman. I think Hollywood is officially out of ideas for movies. I'd rather watch Big Trouble in Little China from the mid 80's or even Phone Booth. I know Phone Booth wasn't all that interesting but I couldn't agree more with what that guy on the phone was saying. Atleast Phone Booth was an original movie unlike all these over produced, over promoted shitty movies released for the sole purpose of profit value rather than entertainment value.

Chestnuts roasted by Brillski @ 07/24/2004 05:08 AM EST

Jeez, I agree that Hulk and Catwoman were shit, but have you even SEEN Spider-Man 1 and 2? I thought they were good movies, Spider-Man 2 is my favorite movie (so far) of this year.

Chestnuts roasted by Gunder Wing @ 07/24/2004 07:15 AM EST

i have aspergers too. makes me really antisocial and lazy. it really sucks trying to talk to a girl when you have no clue what to say.

the bums in maryland, well some aren't even homeless. i saw on the news they followed one home to a nice, cozy apartment in va. stupid scammers.

and if you want a good burger, go to roy rogers or checkers, if you eat that sort of crap.

Chestnuts roasted by matty g @ 07/24/2004 12:25 PM EST

In front of Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood they always have people doing this. Spiderman is a regular, but my favorite is the Princess Fiona as an ogre. I find it funny that this woman woke in the morning and decided she looked enough like an ogre to pose for photos.

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 07/24/2004 02:01 PM EST

Well, I live in NYC. I've seen the damn Naked Cowboy. But we also have many, many others. Including some dude with a robot/mime/mirror act. He hangs out in Times Square and will kind of spring out at you, although he's harmless. Usually attracts a pretty big crowd, too. In my experience, I've come to believe the quote from The Simpsons about bums, "There are six types of beggar: Bad musician, messed up vet, cripple, fake cripple, religious zealot, and crazy guy."

Chestnuts roasted by Tuff Daddy Cool @ 07/24/2004 04:07 PM EST

Am I the only one here that gives money to homeless people that are begging? I just try not to think about what they're going to do with it, seeing as some of them genuinely have run out of options. Anyway, the Spidey suit guy looks pretty awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Josh-oo-wuh @ 07/25/2004 12:26 AM EST

There is this homless person in Rotterdam that always ignores me.
He follows everybody around begging for money, but he always walks past me, like I'm not worth following around.

And the terrible thing is that I met him like 5 times and he always ignores me.

Chestnuts roasted by Micheal Duck @ 07/25/2004 08:09 AM EST

holy crap. matt and normal bob smith both posting naked cowboy sightings in the same week. what're the odds? bob didn't mention the disfigured spiderman, but he's got pictures of the cowboy guy.
go here if you've got the stomach for it.

Chestnuts roasted by eric-the-ded @ 07/25/2004 07:04 PM EST

I live in upstate NY, and my local paper did a story on this guy. Apparently, he's from Saratoga and he commutes to NYC in order to do this. He also dresses up as "Mr. Baseball" the Yankees unofficial mascot and hangs around Times Square as well. One of the things in the article said that his goal in the immediate future was to move out of his parents house and to save up enough money to buy a tailor made Spidey costume that cost around $6,000, or was it $3000? Either way, its kinda pathetic. Expect to see him around for a long, long, time.

Chestnuts roasted by blstnddskroots @ 07/26/2004 01:26 AM EST

I love this. Seriosuly, you've made my day with all the bum stories. I can only hope that one day I can go to NYC and meet spidey-bum!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Sarah @ 07/26/2004 03:45 PM EST

I'm with you, person-I-don't-know-named-Sarah. wink We're going to have to make our documentary on bums.

Chestnuts roasted by Nessa @ 07/26/2004 03:47 PM EST

I was visiting NYC a couple of weeks ago and saw the Spidey dude. I didn't get to see the naked cowboy though. The Spidey Bun was funny though. I didn't pose for the photo op. we were on a mission for liquor at the time.

Chestnuts roasted by aine @ 07/27/2004 10:54 PM EST

I was visiting NYC a couple of weeks ago and saw the Spidey dude. I didn't get to see the naked cowboy though. The Spidey Bum was funny though. I didn't pose for the photo op. we were on a mission for liquor at the time.

Chestnuts roasted by aine @ 07/27/2004 10:55 PM EST

Man, NY gets all the good bums. The one I passed today in FL had a sign that said "Hungy Vet." Yup, that's how he spelled it.

Posted by Kidd Video @ 07/19/2004 10:25 PM EST

Maybe he was bragging

Chestnuts roasted by chris @ 07/29/2004 04:06 PM EST

So Im sitting here at work reading this WHOLE page (Thats how bored I get at work), and I realized that I live in the loozerest little suburb ever because nothing remotely cool ever happens there...LOOZER!

Chestnuts roasted by KohBear @ 07/29/2004 05:06 PM EST

Hey, very outraged Tom. I have
Asperger's syndrome too! I have never
seen anyone on the internet all these
years that has or even knows of that condition. Thats kind of cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Frizzurd @ 07/29/2004 10:24 PM EST

I'm diagnosed as ADD, self-diagnosed as having Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, which is a sort of cousin of Asperger's in terms of learning disabilities.

It's pretty much the opposite of dyslexia - poor coordination, difficulty parsing visual information, difficulty socializing (in part due to the above mentioned thingies), difficulty concentrating, massive organizational problems. On the plus side, it makes reading and word-related things much much easier, and tends to be connected with creativity. It's easy to learn text-book things, but hard to learn to associate names with faces.

Oddly enough, for a learning disability primarily connected with inability to parse visual information or organizational things, I turned out to be an artist. Weird, huh?

Chestnuts roasted by Silkenray @ 07/31/2004 05:02 AM EST

That naked cowboy guy is STILL there? When I went to New York City Three years ago I saw him in times square! It must really pay well.

Chestnuts roasted by Alien Fruit Monster @ 08/02/2004 09:00 PM EST

I SAW HIM! I was at New York last Saturday and saw him near Times Square TRU. I thought it was TRU's idea. Guess I was wrong.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 08/05/2004 12:13 PM EST

I always give them a couple of bucks if I have it, and I usually do. I don't care if they need it or not, or if they're not really homeless, and don't care what they do with it. If they feel like they have to ask for it, that is enough for me.
And the spider man costume is a good idea.

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