07/13/2004 Entry: "I'm an idiot."

Hello youse guys. Through working with people, in public, in someplace not my apartment, in daylight, for the first time in sixty years, I've drawn the disturbing conclusion that I just might be the most annoying person on the planet. Don't get me wrong -- everyone's super nice and it's a blessing to rejoin the world amongst such acey kinda folks, but yeah, I am fucking annoying. I knew that the biggest challenge of doing this would be socially integrating myself in there -- it's something I have zero experience in -- but I never thought I'd find out so many bad quirks about myself. Example: no matter how many times I see a person on a given day, without thinking I let loose a "Hey! How's it going?" If I see the same person two minutes later.... "Hey! How's it going?!" I also have a tendency to thank people as I pass them in the hall, for no apparent reason whatsoever. They say hello, I say thanks. So during the lunch break I'm out on the street reaffirming myself by calling anyone around who knows me better, listing the many dozen awful things I'd done in the previous hours. There's a moral to this story, folks: if you're a shut-in, fix it before it's too late. Wanna know what's in store for your future if you don't? Here it is: yesterday before leaving work, I had a five minute conversation with someone about the umbrella salesman outside the building. It's been raining here all week, so it seemed like a topical conversation choice. Thing is, when I got downstairs and headed to my bus, something hit me. I spent the entire conversation referring to the salesman as a "saleman." "The umbrella saleman."

Keeping with the spirit, today I had take notes from someone, so as they're on the way, I do the natural thing -- grab a pad and a pen. Unfortunately, I'd somehow chewed my pen down to the point where it would've been obvious that I eat pens, so I had to find a new one quick. Checked the desk drawers to see if the guy who left the company before I got here had any spares hanging around. He didn't, but he did leave a nice collection of what's shown above -- condiments of every kind. Chinese packets of Heinz ketchup, crackers, soy sauce, you name it. It's like the prop room for The Sopranos' Pine Barrens episode in there. Pens are always in short supply, but at least I'll never run out of wasabi.

Still working on the next article in bits and pieces as I have time, but I think it'll be a goody. Meantime, let's start another survey...maybe the worst one ever: You're on Amazon. You've got a hundred dollar gift certificate to blow. List the loot you'd pick. And no, I'm not looking for advice. I have no yummy certificate. I'm just curious for reasons I cannot comprehend.

Chestnuts roasted by The REAL Mother of Kane's baby @ 07/13/2004 11:31 PM EST

About your "thanking people for no reason" problem, Matt.
I used to do the same thing!
I'd also say things like "Have a good night" when it was clearly day.
I hope you get over it soon.

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 07/13/2004 11:34 PM EST

Prrrobably D&D junk. Because I am a hopeless nerd.

Also: NEVER! Being a shut-in is the best! Or at least the 'enh, okay'-est.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 07/13/2004 11:45 PM EST

Working with the general public is pretty damn annoying. Discussing the weather seems to be the only thing people can talk about without having anything in common, but sometimes it would be better if they just shut the hell up.

On Amazon, I could spend that shit 69 ways to your mama on Sunday. I just got the 20th Optimus, so not that. Maybe some nice hardcover Stephen King novels, and then some toys, do they have Lego's? They should. OOhhh, they should have Pudding Pops, even though I'd get fucked for shipping.

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 07/14/2004 12:19 AM EST

Matt, sounds to me like you're just nervous. Ease up and you'll start speaking somewhat normal. I think right now you're so worried about sounding normal that you sound worse then you normally would...does that make any sense? Anyways...I'd buy lots and lots of cds and dvds...boring i know, but i honestly don't have that many dvds besides Family Guy and Old School. How sad is that? Oh wait! And that classic Sorority Boys. You gotta love that one.

Chestnuts roasted by Emmaaaaa @ 07/14/2004 12:35 AM EST

I'd get the Simpsons 4th season box set, Aqua Teen Hunger Force vol 2 dvd, and the Sealab 2021 dvd.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 07/14/2004 12:42 AM EST

I would buy Jem on DVD, definately! And a book, I dunno which one though.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 07/14/2004 01:02 AM EST

futurama dvds

Chestnuts roasted by ed @ 07/14/2004 01:06 AM EST

Bright Noah has some good ideas, but I'd probably jettison one or two for the Mr. Show 3rd and 4th season dvds. No clue which one I WOULD pick, though.

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 07/14/2004 01:09 AM EST

I do not know what I would buy at amazon.com. Maybe I could finish my Lou Reed collection. That's it.

Anyways Matt, all I've ever been compelled to write you is "I love you."

It's great to have people like you in the world. Even if you really are annoying in person, you recognize it and that is golden. I loved this little anecdote of yours.

Chestnuts roasted by KK @ 07/14/2004 01:12 AM EST

I'd blow it all on Sailor Moon DVDs.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 07/14/2004 01:39 AM EST

So I work at a bookstore, right? And when I page from someone on the speaker system, I somehow have no idea what time of day it is. Last night, at around 9 or so, I say, "Good evening Barnes and Noble--" then I just paused, because I realized my mistake and couldn't think of what or who I was asking for. The point behind this anecdote--yes, social isolation makes you completely unable to handle the real world. The solution: aescetic lifestyle forever.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 07/14/2004 01:55 AM EST

I'd spend it on Loads of Graphic novels!

Anyway, I think Emmaaaas right that you might just be nervous. Otherwise just embrace your weirdness!

Chestnuts roasted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 07/14/2004 01:57 AM EST

Holy crap, the whole point of my post made no sense. I meant to say "Good afternoon Barnes and Noble." Argh--see what I mean? Even when I'm trying to make sense of nonsense I make sense, therefore making no sense. I sympathize with you Matt. Okay, I need to get some hot chocolate. Thanks for the audio clip Number5. I sent it to a friend who got a good laugh too. I must have really missed out on all that pro-wrestling.

What was that one article you did, Matt, where the wrestler comes through the wall or whatever? I have to find that again. More than any other article, that one has made me laugh more.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 07/14/2004 01:58 AM EST

Found it. Those who never read it, prepare to wet yourselves--
http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/431.html

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 07/14/2004 02:02 AM EST

I'd get the little tykes construction sandbox for my son, Xander.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000059GW2/qid=1089785423/sr=8-3/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i3_xgl21/103-0463708-8752666?v=glance&s=toys&n=507846

Chestnuts roasted by The Fuzzy Hulk @ 07/14/2004 02:13 AM EST

Lone Wolf Adventure Books. Dear sweet Jesus in heaven, it'd have to be Lone Wolf Adventure Books. Already have 1-5 and 13, so I'd start at 6 and grab as many as that $100 would net me.

Actually, I may have to snatch up some of these anyhow, seem to have some decently low prices on them.

Chestnuts roasted by red_beard_neo @ 07/14/2004 03:02 AM EST

Ug I always ask "how are you doing?"

My reply is "I'm fine, how are you?"

to which my reply is "I'm good, how are you?"

even though I just asked them that like 5 seconds ago....ug

Chestnuts roasted by Ant @ 07/14/2004 03:05 AM EST

crap it double posted...

I'm just not having a good night

Chestnuts roasted by Ant @ 07/14/2004 03:08 AM EST

shockmaster!!!!!

anyway I might get those Harry Potter books, but amazon.com sucks

If I just got a hundred bucks to spend someplace else, then I would probably buy a ton of cheap used movies, like the ones matt reviews, the ones that are bad in a good way.

Chestnuts roasted by dfgdffghsd @ 07/14/2004 04:09 AM EST

I'd complete my Calvin and Hobbes collection. If there was anything left, I'd get Fargo and Bad Santa.

Chestnuts roasted by David @ 07/14/2004 04:41 AM EST

DVD's. I would buy DVD's
I don't know which ones just yet, but it's a pretty good guess thats what I'd buy

Chestnuts roasted by GreyWeirdo @ 07/14/2004 05:40 AM EST

And really Matt, you're still just the new guy. No one at work will even hear a single thing you say much less listen for a good two months. So don't worry about it. Just be nice and plan how you will get them all one day, oh yes, you'll get them all

Chestnuts roasted by GreyWeirdo @ 07/14/2004 05:47 AM EST

I'd buy the next season of Northern Exposure if it were out. I'd also buy the new 2 cd set Van Halen is putting out. I would also buy some Thomas the Tank engine piece for my boy.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe in OH @ 07/14/2004 07:38 AM EST

Freaks and Geeks on DVD. The delux version, if I could find it. Of course, that would leave me in the hole $20 plus shipping, but it would be worth it.

Matt, embrace your idiosyncrasies. If you want people to remember you, you have to give them something to remember. So what if you're known as the "How's it going?" guy. At least you're known for something. I mean, it could be worse, right? Like peeing your pants in your first meeting or getting caught picking your nose by the cute secretary down the hall.

So, how does the other half like you working every day?

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/14/2004 08:48 AM EST

I'd get that ultimate Far Side collection I keep seeing on there. It's about $90, which seems insane, but damn if that isn't my favorite cartoon of all time.

Chestnuts roasted by 4thDown @ 07/14/2004 09:21 AM EST

ATHF Volume 1 or 2
Sealab 2021 Season 1
Futurama/Simpsons/Family Guy

Eventually, the Harvey Birdman dvd in 05.

Chestnuts roasted by Wills @ 07/14/2004 10:04 AM EST

Ha! I do many of the same things in my office...my co-workers thing I am nuts because I always say "excuse me" when I bump into desks/walls other inanimate objects...

Man, I think about this Amazon thing all the time...my Amazon desires change daily...If I had $100 to spend TODAY....I would buy:

This:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1564774953/qid=1089817062/sr=2-3/ref=sr_2_3/002-4812383-2941614

This:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001DMXEC/qid=1089817190/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/002-4812383-2941614?v=glance&s=dvd&n=507846

Pre-Order this:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00020SH9E/qid%3D1089817256/sr%3D11-1/ref%3Dsr%5F11%5F1/002-4812383-2941614

And with any money left over, I'd buy a bunch of these so I could start my collection over...lost 'em all when I moved as a child and must have them for when I have kids someday:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=stripbooks&field-keywords=mr%252520men&search-type=ss&bq=1&store-name=books/ref=xs_ap_l_xgl14/002-4812383-2941614

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 07/14/2004 11:04 AM EST

For some reason, I thought I had managed to read all the archives on this site quite a while ago. Apparently one escaped me. I just read the article on horrible wrestling angles...

Shockmaster?

"While the announcers scramble to come up with anything to say besides 'holy shit' or 'I quit',"

That, and the accompanying screen shots, is the funniest shit I have EVER seen!

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 07/14/2004 11:16 AM EST

Hmmm. one hundred-dollar HookerBot, or one-hundred one-dollar HookerBots?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/14/2004 11:45 AM EST

I'd probably catch up on my Lupin dvds and manga...ever since I started college, not only have I not been able to buy anymore installments, but someone also stole my damn $30 Mamo dvd!

Chestnuts roasted by Sara @ 07/14/2004 12:03 PM EST

Emmaaaaa is right Matt, you're nervous, your brain is working faster than your mouth.
Don't worry so much about the co-workers and have fun with the work. Remember, you're the new guy, let people come to you, you'll find people you can relate with soon enough.

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 07/14/2004 12:13 PM EST

Don't worry Matt, you can't have as much social grace AND serial wit on this. But the real thing that has been bothering me about this, if you really are in fact a shut in, is, then why haven't we seen the archives of all those millions of articles?? sigh.

Chestnuts roasted by Bitsy&Roary @ 07/14/2004 12:52 PM EST

off subject but what did you do before this job? Its something I have always been curious about.

Chestnuts roasted by thejyav @ 07/14/2004 01:34 PM EST

You can never have too much Heniz.

Hey Matt, could you get back to me on the whole Bamboo Peanut deal?

I sent you an eMail about it a while ago.

Chestnuts roasted by Mathew Olson @ 07/14/2004 02:25 PM EST

I'd get the Space Ghost Coast to Coast DVD, and all of the MST3K DVDs I don't already own. Oh, and maybe this: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000WHY8O/qid=1089830953/sr=8-6/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i6_xgl60/103-5618222-0348624?v=glance&s=home-garden&n=507846

Chestnuts roasted by a piece of milk @ 07/14/2004 02:50 PM EST

I know this series has been off the market for practically 20 years and this toy never had a chance to come out,but I'd buy the food fighters fortress.

Chestnuts roasted by MightyStalfos @ 07/14/2004 03:10 PM EST

Hmmmmm...... i have $100 on amazon, let's see,
i'd go pick up the critic and family guys on dvd, then with the maybe 2 cennts i have left i'd go scrounging in the couch cushions to find more money and spare gold pieces i could hock and get another card worth some money and then go crazy in the book center.

more kinds of crap that would just sit there and collect dust that i wouldn't read unless i had time in between class and work.
ah well but atleast i have goals right?

Chestnuts roasted by Randy @ 07/14/2004 03:18 PM EST

i'd also get this when i had a couple of those 100 dollar things to blow on this because it's obviously been to the moon and mars, and autographed by 3 popes for this price.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/offer-listing/0340421347//002-9001195-7040854?condition=all

Chestnuts roasted by Randy @ 07/14/2004 03:26 PM EST

This week I'm in techie mode, so I'm thinking I'd get a 256 or 512 MB USB keychain drive, and a couple video games with whatever's left over (Suikoden and Parasite Eve are what I'm currently pondering - PSOne is the newest system I have). Next week it'll probably be manga (Petshop of Horrors and Jing) and anime DVD's (Haibane Renmei), and the week after, used folklore and fantasy books and possibly some Victorian fairy art prints, if they have those on Amazon (I think they do).

I usually *get* nice big Amazon gift certificates from my Jewish doctor/lawyer relatives for my birthday in June, but my sister graduated from high school something like two days before it, so everyone forgot me. I've been bitter...

Chestnuts roasted by Goz @ 07/14/2004 03:30 PM EST

I'd get Cricket's Exersize set, Her brother Corky and her big sister.

Chestnuts roasted by Jacqueline Mermaid @ 07/14/2004 05:08 PM EST

I'd probably get the transformers movie dvd. If they even have it there, than spend the rest on cd's and candy.
Hey anyone ever here about that transformers CGI movie that was supposed to be in the making?
Maybe that's all it was is a rumour.

Chestnuts roasted by turkeys can't fly? @ 07/14/2004 05:10 PM EST

DVD's... but what to choose? ST:TNG, Buffy, Jem.

I'm lucky, my man buys the Futurama sets... love this stuff.

Some Mercedes Lackeys I imagine would be nice too, the Valdemar series.

Don't worry about the job, just relax and maybe switch to (gasp) decaf. Plus, you're at Nick, not Salomon Barnes or Citibank. I would imagine this place to be a little more tolerant of personal idiosyncrasies than big financial corporations. Unless you worked for the Donald.

Chestnuts roasted by Yzziefrog @ 07/14/2004 05:25 PM EST

100 bucks to spend on Amazon, huh?

Well, I like junk, and would rather it be e-bay so I could import annoying things. But if it has to be Amazon, then I pick the season 1 and 2 box set of JEM.

As for being an annoying shut-in having trouble fitting in at work... I completely relate

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 07/14/2004 05:46 PM EST

Maybe some hard-to-find game for my Atari.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/14/2004 06:05 PM EST

turkeys can't fly?, Transformers will be live-action. You can post ideas on the message board of executive producer Don Murphy.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/14/2004 06:19 PM EST

Definantly would get a few old classic books. I am an avid book buyer. Half of the time I won't read the ones I pick up from garage sales and the lot. I just like to have a lot of them on my book shelves.

I worked in the high school library and when we were throwing away some of the old books, like 60 of them, I took ALL of them home. It took 4 days to get them all home and on the last day my bag split open right as I walked in my door.

Like when I was in Marine boot camp and my librarian sent me 20 books because he ACTUALLY thought I'd get time to read them. I got punished so bad for that!

That or cool action figures.

I heart dorks.

Chestnuts roasted by Brite @ 07/14/2004 06:23 PM EST

Well I was pretty much a social dud till about a year or two ago, im learning like im getting better at conversations but my biggest problem is that im half asleep about 90% of the time. So when someone says hey to me on the streets wheter I know em or not I just give a "Huhwha.lsjsHI!" with the goofiest look on my face.

100 bucks on amazon eh? I have no clue, I'd probably buy a buncha stuff I woulda never bought with my own money, like some more 12 inch G.I Joes or somethin.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. S @ 07/14/2004 06:40 PM EST

I'd buy a bunch of graphic novels.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 07/14/2004 07:16 PM EST

"I also have a tendency to thank people as I pass them in the hall, for no apparent reason whatsoever"

Dude i do the very same thing.\
guess i'm annoying too ;-/

Chestnuts roasted by Skeletor @ 07/14/2004 07:32 PM EST

One of my problems with people in hallways is making eye contact when we're still really far away, where I'd have to shout to say "Hi", and thus disturb everyone else in the immediate area.

So, my choice is either to stare at them until we come into audible distance, or look away and pretend the eye contact was a fluke until we're close enough to say hi. Either way, I feel really weird about it.

Maybe you should do a "Shut-Ins 101" article sometime to help us all out, Matt

BTW, what I would do with $100 at Amazon... I'd probably get that 20th Anniversary Optimus. I waited for it to come down in price at local stores, but it never happened, they just plain sold out of 'em :p I dunno how much I'd have left after shipping though, so I'll just stop right there.

Chestnuts roasted by Aberration @ 07/14/2004 08:04 PM EST

Holy crap shit. If I had a gift ticket to da amazon, I'd spend it on dat cereal bawx, you know day one with sticks, and da boy on da front wit da hand grenade and two hundred dollars. I need de price, please!

Chestnuts roasted by Former A1C Pete @ 07/14/2004 10:10 PM EST

Amazon.com, $100? Hmmm, probably the Team Rocket CD drama, another Team Rocket CD (I used to love Pokemon, but I still love Team Rocket), And Jimmy Fallon's CD (celebrity crushes do strange things to us all- though he's not much of a celeb). And then I'd probably just go a little over and buy a Cardcaptor Sakura DVD. I'm pretty new at this site, but I'd like to say that I love it, blah de blah and all that. Hey, fellow ladies, have you ever noticed that Matt is pretty cute actually, or is it just me? Anyway, don't worry about your little quirks Matt, we all do dumb things at work. The majority of the conversations I have with co-workers are about our schedules, and how freakin hot it is outside. Ok, this post is way too long, laters ^_^

Chestnuts roasted by sailor moon @ 07/14/2004 10:28 PM EST

Since I'm poised to buy an NES Edition GBA SP at the end of this week (finally!), I'd have to say all four season sets of either "The Simpsons" or "South Park"

As a socially inept shut-in myself, I'm deathly afraid of going back to school for the first time in nearly 4 years this fall.

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 07/14/2004 10:47 PM EST

forgot to add, I am a habitual pen chewer too. Back in school a guy asked me for a pen and I accidently handed him a chewed up one. Needless to say he called me pen chewer for the rest of the year. Quite embarassing ^^ ;

Chestnuts roasted by sailor moon @ 07/15/2004 12:20 AM EST

Coincidentally enough, I'd buy Sopranos Season 4 so I could own Pine Barrens for myself. Although I just found out today that Boy Meets World Season 1 will be out next month, so if I could resist spending my certificate for that long I might buy that.
Today at work a girl mentioned Spongebob in passing and I launched into rambling musings about, among other things, Rocko's Modern Life, Reno 911!, Clancy Brown and included the phrase "And for the bonus point: Honkerburger!" so I know from social ineptitude. It eases up. Sort of.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/15/2004 12:22 AM EST

Matt i cant wait till you do a NES Edition GBA SP Review!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 07/15/2004 12:48 AM EST

some people spell 21 blackjack as
21 Black 21 black-jack or
21 black-jack and some are even idiotic enough to go for
12 jack-black

Chestnuts roasted by Black 21 black-jack @ 07/15/2004 08:16 AM EST

Hey Matt, are all the old articles gonna be archived? I've been on a year long cerial sabbatical with my good friends the leprochaun and the trix bunny, and they wouldnt let me read your articles while I was within their evil clutches - and this has suddenly turned into a rediculously long sentance with fuck all punctuation, sorry!

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 07/15/2004 09:31 AM EST

Matt, I know this is off topic, but can you please help me? I really want COnker:Live and Reloaded when it comes out, but my Dad says no because its too adult and im twelve and it's rated M (MAY THE ERSB ROT IN HELL). ANyway, can you please help me MAtt? ANY WAY POSSIBLE, PLEASE!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by TOM @ 07/15/2004 10:46 AM EST

In honor of Amazon, I would buy some Wonder Woman graphic novels. WW and Green Lantern are my favorite DC heroes.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/15/2004 12:11 PM EST

What does it say about me, that I'd actually have sat down and chatted about Clancy Brown, Rocko and Spongebob w/ you, Squee? Wow, that is a horribly incorrect sentence. but, I got my point across. I think. ?? Do you know when the new season of Carnivale is going to start? I'm dyin' over here.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/15/2004 01:02 PM EST

TOM,

If you're 12, it's rated M, and your dad says no, you don't need it. Respect your father.

Chestnuts roasted by alfonso the bat @ 07/15/2004 02:37 PM EST

I'd preorder Halo 2, then probably, uh, buy CDs or something.

Chestnuts roasted by marril159 @ 07/15/2004 03:18 PM EST

...or, maybe I'd finally start a Van Morrison CD collection.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/15/2004 04:35 PM EST

My husband gets me gift certificates to Amazon from time to time (usually $100 too I think), and I have the hardest time deciding what to buy. The pressure of not wasting the precious free money is too much for me.

Sailor moon - I agree with you. Matt is cute.

Chestnuts roasted by Alison @ 07/15/2004 05:58 PM EST

Definitly the GBA that looks like the old nintendo controller. Also, alfonso the bat is a wet blanket. Tom, you should try mom and pop used game stores, they have loose morals.

Chestnuts roasted by GnarKill @ 07/15/2004 06:57 PM EST

I'd say lots and lots of CDs but at Amazon prices, I'd wind up with 2. Ba dum dum, ting.

But seriously, a few CDs, some comic TPBs, some figures. Nothing specific that i can think of.

Chestnuts roasted by Will @ 07/15/2004 08:07 PM EST

Tom I don't think Matt can help in this situation....

Chestnuts roasted by MightyStalfos @ 07/15/2004 08:45 PM EST

Tom-Looks like you're gonna hafta wait till you're 17, because I highly doubt that Matt will be able to successfully talk your dad into it, and I don't think he's gonna hook you up with a bootleg. You CAN do what I used to do and get a friend to get you a copy. It can be wither a friend whose old enough to buy it on his own, or one whose parents don't really give a shit (this was how I got lots of other interesting things when I was in junior high). Anyway, good luck.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/15/2004 09:22 PM EST

Oh right, the discussion. I would probably get myself some kick-ass graphic novels. I'm not exactly sure which ones, but they'd definitely kick ass. Or maybe I'd just some games. I'm also not sure as to what THESE would be, but I'm sure that they would kick ass too.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/15/2004 09:24 PM EST

Correction:Between the words "just" and "games," insert the word "get."

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/15/2004 09:26 PM EST

Oh and Matt, you're not an idiot. We all have our quirks. For example, I talk to myself a shitload. I also space out from time to time. I forget things constantly. There's all sort of crap that I do. Don't worry, shit like this happens.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/15/2004 09:30 PM EST

I just thought of one really interesting quirk of mine. (last post, I swear).

People will sometimes aske "How's it going?" And I'll reply with "Not much."

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/15/2004 09:32 PM EST

As a teacher, I encounter idiocy several times a day. Being the "hey, how ya doin'" repeat guy isn't something to worry about. There are worst things.
As to the poll question: Still waiting for FREAKS and KING KONG on DVD. Also, I don't think Amazon sells IRON MAIDEN T-shirts...

Chestnuts roasted by manimal789 @ 07/15/2004 11:12 PM EST

manimal789, that just reminded me of another stupid quirk of mine:

Every once in awhile, I open my mouth to greet someone before I decide if I'm saying "How's it going?" or "How're you doing?" So what usually comes out is, "How you going?" Agh... :-\

Chestnuts roasted by Aberration @ 07/15/2004 11:21 PM EST

Trajeal, unverified and unreliable sources say Carnivale comes back this fall. However, I heard "January '05" straight from Dan Knauf's mouth, so I don't know what to believe. Did you see it got seven Emmy noms (Art Direction, Casting, Cinematography, Costumes, Hairstyling, Main Title Design, Makeup)? I know what you're thinking: Clancy was robbed! Oh well, at least Mr. Pine "Steve Buscemi" Barrens got nominated for Best Supporting.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/15/2004 11:54 PM EST

Aberration,
Happens to the best of us.

Chestnuts roasted by manimal789 @ 07/16/2004 01:23 AM EST

Id buy a $100 gift certificate...oooh, just think of the possibilites!! BTW Matt: To help yourself out, start talking to EVERYONE. The guy at the bank, the person waiting for the bus, strangers at the bar (you'll most likely NEVER see these people again so who gives a fuck?) You get back the "flow" of a conversation. Its a very rythmic thing. After awhile, it becomes habit, and your brain will stop trying to spit out the right answers.

Chestnuts roasted by graeme @ 07/16/2004 02:39 AM EST

Squee,I'd talk to you about Clancy Brown or Reno 911! anytime.I've rambled on about Futurama,Tom Kenny,and Frank Welker.

I wouldn't worry Matt.You'll find someone with similar intrests soon.I'll just go along with everyone else and say stop trying to act normal.It's your quirks that make you intresting.

BTW,trajeal.Since Carnivale is in production right now I'm guessing that the second season will air in 2005.Probably January.

Chestnuts roasted by Fhydra @ 07/16/2004 04:31 AM EST

With a 100$ thingy @ Amazon, I'd definitely get the 1st season dvd sets of Quantum Leap, Da Ali G Show, and Reno 911!, 3 of my fav shows ever. I'd use whatever left over maybe to put in a pre-order for a boxed set coming soon, like season 2 of Quantum, said to be coming this fall. BTW, Reno 911! was robbed of an Emmy nod, IMO there's no way a someone like a Friends cast member could be considered funny at all, let alone funnier than Jim Dangle or Trudy Wiegel.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 07/16/2004 08:17 AM EST

January '05, huh? Gahhhh. That sucks. That's too long to wait. Too long, I say! I need to know if Jonesy made it out alive. Oh, the jiggling that will be missed if he's toast.
I don't know if I'm stepping over any bounds (sorry IA if I am), but what is your screen name at TWOP? Is it squee4242 there, too? Mine is KermitD.Frog. I like Kermit. What can I say.

"People will sometimes ask "How's it going?" And I'll reply with "Not much.""

Another good one is when your waitor/waitress says, "Have a nice meal," and you answer, "You, too." Like they're going to be plopping themselves down in the next booth w/ a cheeseburger as soon as their done delivering your food. Duh, me.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/16/2004 09:14 AM EST

How about on your B-day, and someone says "Happy Birthday", does anyone ever just respond with "You too" or "Happy Birthday"? I've done that before and felt like a moron. I guess since it is a holiday (to you anyways), you just respond instinctively with retaliatory well wishes.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 07/16/2004 10:54 AM EST

I would get that hardcover "Far Side" anthology. I would then spend the rest of the summer stalking Gary Larson trying to get an autograph. Hilarity would ensue...until the police arrived.

Quick note: I have the nasty habit of thanking anyone who makes it through an entire conversation with me. Everyone has their quirks so we shouldnt get down on ourselves. I hope this psychiatric evaluation helped.

That will be five cents please.

Chestnuts roasted by pulseczar @ 07/16/2004 11:12 AM EST

I often say odd things, mainly because there are several different things running through my head simultainious-like. But you guys have probably figured that out by now. Like Yogi Berra, as long as you say what you mean when you say it, what you actually say will have meaning. Yogi was at a function once, a fancy garden party. The sun was blazing down, and he was wearing a bright, lime-green suit. A society lady came up to him and said, "My, you look nice and cool today." And he replied, "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." Makes a kind of sense, don't it?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/16/2004 11:41 AM EST

Gary Larson, Bill Watterson...people who actually knew that comics are supposed to be funny. Not like today. Aside from Foxtrot and the occasional Boondocks the comics really aren't worth reading anymore. I mean, does ANYONE like that Prince Valiant crap??

Chestnuts roasted by 4thDown @ 07/16/2004 11:45 AM EST

Is Prince Valiant the one w/ the two little kids and their grandmother? Those suck. I like Baby Blues b/c I have kids and can relate. I used to like For Better or For Worse, but ever since the kids started moving out of the house, it's not as good anymore. Kind of like an entire season being devoted to Donna and Eric getting married on That 70's Show. Or any episode of Friends after Chandler and Monica started sleeping together. Bleh.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/16/2004 11:54 AM EST

Get Fuzzy and Rhymes with Orange are my two favorite comic strips...both the artists for those strips are from the Boston area though, so I don't know if y'all get those two across the country...

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 07/16/2004 01:05 PM EST

I'll blow it on cocaine and hookers. Oh wait, you can't do that on Amazon and I don't do that stuff, really.

Chestnuts roasted by Schrik @ 07/16/2004 02:20 PM EST

I'm from DC, and we get Get Fuzzy. It's just good stuff. Also, Pearls Before Swine is one I like too. Non Sequitor can be funny, but I get tired of the stories with the little girl sometimes. They are good, but usually much better when it's just a one-panel joke.

Chestnuts roasted by jhnnywalkr @ 07/16/2004 02:34 PM EST

Cadillacs and Dinosaurs DVD

Chestnuts roasted by Ryder @ 07/16/2004 03:32 PM EST

"Get Fuzzy" is one of the true originals of today. Did anyone read Frank Cho's "Liberty Meadows" when it still ran? That was some boundry pushing comedy for a family newspaper to run.

Chestnuts roasted by pulseczar @ 07/16/2004 04:56 PM EST

Scope's Monkey Trial!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/16/2004 05:04 PM EST

I pray to God that one day I will meet whoever is responsible for the comic Rose is Rose. I want to put that sorry excuse of a writer through a meat grinder and feed him to a gorilla.

I dont think I can take any more "jokes" involving some kid and his fat, disfigured parents thinking about rainbows and kitties.

I accidentally laughed at Family Circus the other day because I mistakenly thought Dolly said "fuck".

Chestnuts roasted by Fraggot @ 07/16/2004 05:05 PM EST

I always say "Thanks, you too!" because I'm used to people saying have a good day. So therefore I often use it at the wrong time like when the ticket guy at the movies says "Thanks, and enjoy your show." I'm an oaf!

I would buy this on Amazon.
That Hawkeye's really something.

Chestnuts roasted by Megan @ 07/16/2004 06:13 PM EST

I also say to everyone, no matter how often I've already seen them, "Hey, how ya doin?". So Matt, Hey how ya doin today? Also I have trouble ending conversations, so to end it, I always tell people, well have fun today. I think I might have you beat as the most annoying person.
As for what I'd buy on Amazon, probably some cd's and dvd's. I can't think of any right off the top of my head right now though, but I know there's a bunch I want. I need a new computer before I can buy any games for it. I'd like the new Grand Theft Auto but it doesn't come out for another couple of months.
So anyway. Have fun today.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 07/16/2004 06:21 PM EST

I'd buy a new bang-droppin' episode of the Chia Plot! Seriously - but what's up with not being able to post due to this Greymatter thing? It's happened to me more than once too - need to post!

~Cigarettes killed my father, and raped my mother.

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 07/16/2004 07:24 PM EST

I've done stupid things like that plenty of times, responding to people's greetings in ways that don't even make sense. If its to a stranger its no big deal, but when dealing with co-workers it can understandably be embarrasing. My advice is to think of one response to everyone's greetings, something you can't mess up and works with everything. As for doing the actual greeting, don't feel obliged to say hi everytime. Make it look like something's on your mind or you're moving like you have a purpose, then people will understand your silence.

Before I go, I'd like to share this interesting news with everyone; a man in the National Guard has legally changed his name to Optimus Prime

Chestnuts roasted by Christian @ 07/16/2004 07:31 PM EST

I just got a DVD player about four months ago, so I must build up my DVD set collection, mostly for cartoons - at least three of the Hanna Barbara collections (the original Scooby Doo along with the Jetsons and the Flinstones), maybe another Disney set (I just got "The Complete Donald" - maybe "Disney on the Front Lines" or "Micky Mouse In Black and White", and absolutely "The Loony Tunes Gold Collection." Anything remaining would be used to pick up live-action TV shows avalible that interest me - "SCTV," "Wonder Woman," "Barney Miller," "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," or maybe "Dukes of Hazard." Mind you, some of the newer stuff is cool, too, but I promised myself I'd avoid buying expensive DVDs of stuff I could record with a $1.98 video. I want stuff that isn't seen all the time in 800 re-runs a day.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 07/16/2004 08:24 PM EST

I'm a nerd so i would buy a bunch of books and anime dvds. i love to read and watch anime. and you're not alone matt, i'm a shut-in too. i spent 2 years working at night out of my home and just recently got a part-time job in an office. i would talk about weird stuff and generally just annoy people, but i got better. i still annoy people though, it's fun.

Chestnuts roasted by redslurpee @ 07/16/2004 08:32 PM EST

All the Adult Swim DVDs.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 07/16/2004 08:50 PM EST

I'm always getting them mixed up because I don't really care much. "Take luck." I mean "good care" I mean "take care of the luck should you have any". This was actually a joke on Dr. Katz that infiltrated my brain and has happened on several occasions to my chagrin. The worst part is people really can tell you aren't into a conversation after you do this a few times and they'll start avoiding you. Anyone started avoiding you yet Matt? Hopefully they just think its cute.

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 07/16/2004 09:00 PM EST

Eric Fensler has finished making the G.I. Joe PSAs.

Here are some guys who tried to the same thing with He-Man.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/16/2004 10:26 PM EST

I apologize if the He-Man link did not work. Here is the site: www.johnnywhoopass.com/

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/16/2004 10:28 PM EST

Trajeal, you mean an entire season dedicated to Eric and Donna NOT getting married?!?
I'm tarava4242 over at TWOP, though I've been in The Sopranos forum since Carnivale's off and I have yet to get into Six Feet Under.
Dunno if anybody's truly considering buying it, but the Reno 911! DVD is really super awesome. It's put together much better than the bare-bones Chappelle's Show DVD, and it's got a cool, easy to find Easter Egg that you'll never get tired of. Unbleeped outtakes, too.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/16/2004 10:45 PM EST

I'd get 100 yellow Livestrong braclets because cancer must be destroyed. Or 80 wristbands and a football. What's a football?

Chestnuts roasted by Walks @ 07/17/2004 12:23 AM EST

Hey Matt and everyone, did you here the good news??? Our own Mare Winningham has been nominated for an Emmy for best guest appearence in a Drama!!!!

Mare Winningham as Sandra Blaine Law & Order: Special Victims Unit • NBC

Chestnuts roasted by Will @ 07/17/2004 03:04 AM EST

"I pray to God that one day I will meet whoever is responsible for the comic Rose is Rose. I want to put that sorry excuse of a writer through a meat grinder and feed him to a gorilla.

I dont think I can take any more "jokes" involving some kid and his fat, disfigured parents thinking about rainbows and kitties."

It's two writers now. Pat Brady has handed most of the drawing over to Don Wimmer, so he can continue the spread of evil long after Brady dies.

And "Grand Avenue" is the unfunny strip about the two kids with the grandmother, not "Prince Valiant." You just DON'T mess with Prince Valiant, pal....

There was one recent Grand Avenue strip that actually got me to laugh. It was one that showed Nick and Jessica talking about physics and Shakespeare when the cameras were off. Bwaha!

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 07/17/2004 04:00 AM EST

I'd get the Mr. Show season 2 dvd

Chestnuts roasted by Ebineezer Splooge @ 07/17/2004 06:35 AM EST

That Optimus Prime guy is from my area, the report is from my local news (yay! Cleveland in da house!). Anyways, I wonder how much crap he gets from the other troops about his new name? At least he didn't change his name to Warrior, like some faded away rasslin' star, who only lives on in crazy internet postings, thinking his opinion is still relevant to the bidness (if you wieeel, Tony) he was once a star in.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 07/17/2004 12:02 PM EST

I'd go split Japanese and American cartoons: for Japan, I would buy the remaining three volumes that I don't have (2,3, and 6) of my current anime obsession, Super GALS!, which is a show for young high school girls (though the characters are just "cute", not sexy, for a change) that's actually a lot of fun but most anime fans, or at least most male anime fans, wouldn't bother with it since it is indeed a girl's cartoon, even if Ran Kotobuki is in no way a typical shoujo heroine. For American, I'd get the King of the Hill season 3 set, since I am one of the few people who like that show better than any of the other FOX primetime cartoons; I find the writing on that show strong enough to sustain my interest, but I know it's not for everyone since it's much "slower" than the competition without quite as many sight gags.

That's assuming, of course, that this certificate is for $100 American and not $100 Canadian, in which case it would likely be a pipe dream that $100 would let me get all that.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 07/17/2004 12:19 PM EST

Bitner may be back...
click the name.

[EXPLANATION]

FINALLY saw Spider-Man 2 yeestorday. Before it, they showed a preview for Halo 2, made by Bungie, where Bitner was once employed, and at the end it did the Xbox logo thing, but when the URL popped up, it blinked out a bit from "www.xbox.com" to "www.ilovebees.com". Check it out to see some crazy stuff that reminds me of the sort of stuff Bitner was reported to have done.

Eh, whatever. I'ma gonna go paste this on the Phoblog entry.

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/17/2004 02:21 PM EST

Mr. Game & Watch (cool name)-That is one of the worst site designs I have ever seen. Still kinda interesting that this site happened to be the one that had it's URL flash for a second or two. I wonder why that was.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/17/2004 02:51 PM EST

Season 3? There is no season 3 KOTH set yet. It's four months late with no true release date announced. It might not come out at all, like the rest of Twin Peaks....

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 07/17/2004 03:03 PM EST

Trajeal, you mean an entire season dedicated to Eric and Donna NOT getting married?!?
Yeah, right? That show was so much better when Kelso and Jackie were dating, and Hyde was a man-ho. Now, it's just too surreal to be believed. I usually post in the Pixel Challenge thread, between Survivor and Carnivale.

Topic? Ah, nope.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/17/2004 03:23 PM EST

Killer Beez, baby! I be thinkin' that it's a viral campaign for the game. I'll have to check the site from day to day and see how far the "corruption" goes until Zero Hour. The bee connection might be important or a red herring. hhmmmm......

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/17/2004 03:38 PM EST

Mr Game And watch. One of the worst site designs I've ever seen. Ely Manning's site ddesign was better Anyway, it's probably done like that on purpose.

Chestnuts roasted by Will @ 07/17/2004 04:13 PM EST

Matt, don't worry man, I do the same "Hey hows it goin?" thing too. I think it kinda goes hand in hand with people who spend far too much time online.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 07/17/2004 04:55 PM EST

Transformers. And a Passengers OST CD. And more Transformers.

Chestnuts roasted by Orin @ 07/17/2004 07:59 PM EST

I'd buy the two Daria movie DVD's (Is It College Yet? and Is It Fall Yet?) and the Daria Database book. With the remaining money, I'd buy anything else that'd fuel my obsession.

Chestnuts roasted by dajxd @ 07/17/2004 10:58 PM EST

I'd stock up on the Salman Rushdie books I don't yet own.

Chestnuts roasted by Izabella @ 07/18/2004 12:54 AM EST

"It's two writers now. Pat Brady has handed most of the drawing over to Don Wimmer, so he can continue the spread of evil long after Brady dies."

Heh.Hiring another writer to continue your work is becoming a trend.I believe the original writer of 'Prince Valient' died not to long ago,and his replacement took over.

Chestnuts roasted by Fhydra @ 07/18/2004 04:45 AM EST

Hey, Matt. At least you're being polite. Think of the consequences if you just sneered and spewed obscenities at every person you passed in the hall.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/18/2004 08:29 AM EST

trajeal,
That thing about the restaurants, I do the exact same thing, except I'm the one bringing out the order. After I say Enjoy your meal, and they say "You too" I usually thank them, and without thinking I say "I will"! Sometimes I think I should just sit down and eat, but I don't think the boss would like that.
OT, did you see the Dark Tower reference in the final Kingdom Hospital?? The Nozz-a-La soda machine!! Also King appeared onscreen for a split second, just barely long enoungh to identify him.

And one more thing, I just saw Silver Bullet last night for the first time. Too much to remember except for the shining presence of Mr. Corey Haim, in what should have been one in a long line of Oscars....errrr wait.
Maybe Corey should release a video diary for 2004, just to show us how he has cleaned up his life and moved on to the big brother, or the only brother roles. I wonder if there are still dolphins in his veins, or is that just the smack?

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 07/18/2004 12:22 PM EST

Aw, I missed the Nozz-a-la reference. I actually haven't watched Kingdon Hospital since the first time they ran the first episode. I was just too confused for words. I guess if you had seen the British (?) version, it made more sence. I don't know.

Oh, yes, Corey Haim before the smack. He was actually a cute little kid. I bet he had all of his teeth in that movie.
I would be all over a video diary of Corey's for 2004. I wonder what his favorite activites are now? How far does his ankle bracelet let him go?

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/18/2004 07:35 PM EST

This is what I'm spending my $100 on: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000087H7T/002-9454848-6357667?v=glance&s=videogames&n=507846&me=A3LJ5WMKNRFKQS&vi=pictures&img=14#more-pictures

*as Wayne Campbell* It will be mine. Oh yes, it WILL be mine.

Chestnuts roasted by Hope @ 07/20/2004 07:48 PM EST

August 3 is National Night Out, when all shut-ins venture outside to mingle akwardly on their block. Matt, you'll be allright at work. If your writing is any indication, you are a happenin' guy and you'll bond with like minded people in no time.

Chestnuts roasted by Hope, armchair psychotherapist @ 07/20/2004 07:51 PM EST

Looks like the thread's about done so nobody's gonna read this anyway.
I have a tendency to say "You too" as I'm parting ways with someone... regardless of how they say good-bye. It works out fine if they happen to say "Take care" or something. But usually they'll say something like "Oh, and good luck on the job interview" and I'll say "thanks. you too" and then feel like an idiot. We're all so very awkward.

I'd buy 45000 ladybugs.

Chestnuts roasted by spiderbites @ 07/22/2004 01:46 AM EST

I just Amazon'ed a few days ago. I got House of Leaves (good and creepy so far), Jacob's Ladder, the Lord of the Flies DVD set, and GAUZE (Japanese rock CD by Dir en grey). Cost in the vicinity of 80$, including shipping.

Chestnuts roasted by EludedSunshine @ 07/22/2004 06:57 PM EST

I'd finish up my Discworld collection and spend the rest on Garfield and Invader Zim DVDs. Or maybe the ridiculously overpriced "Harry Potter et l'Ordre du Phenix" to keep my French skills up.

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