06/14/2004 Entry: "X-E meets the World's Smallest Woman at the Carnival!"

You won't believe your eyes in the two-page spectacular, X-E Visits The Carnival. Once a year, my local mall's parking lot is converted into one of the most makeshift amusement parks a person could see, featuring everything from broken rides to shitty prizes, but above all else...THE WORLD'S SMALLEST WOMAN. There's a lot to see in this incredible tale of goldfish-winning and Spidey-hunting, so grab yourself ten gallons of life-giving liquid and prepare for a trip down one of the strangest lanes yet to be featured on the site.

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 06/14/2004 05:13 PM EST

That article was great Matt. Gloria, the super midget, is probably one of the saddest things I've ever seen...all day. Thank God you threw that limerick in there at the end. Cheered me up and I believe it cause my to fecate my scivvies! Peace!

Chestnuts roasted by Blake @ 06/14/2004 05:14 PM EST

Awesome, awesome, article...but yeah, sideshow attractions should be outlawed.

Matt, are there any comparisons you can give to show just how small Gloria was? Because of the photo being in a custom room, she looked regular sized to me.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 06/14/2004 05:24 PM EST

Check out her arms in the second pic for proof of midgetry.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 05:25 PM EST

why does bootleg scooby-doo's shirt say Bling Bling and a # symbol? what a prize.

Chestnuts roasted by bunky @ 06/14/2004 05:32 PM EST

#11!

Even though its true that most of those fish don't last a day, I've had 2 that lasted quite a while that I won at the same time. One lived to be 5 years, while the other lived to be NINE YEARS OLD until my uncle overfed it when I was on vacation ><

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 06/14/2004 05:40 PM EST

Hey Matt, is that last picture your house or a booth at the amusement park? Because either way, the laziest of examinations reveals a lot of bitchin' stuff.

Also, in the US according to the book 'The Real History of the American Circus' which was later made into a bunch of good documentaries by A&E, freak shows are outlawed in many, many US states and entirely banned in Canada. So unfortunately, as this carnival company travels around the country Gloria can't work everywhere.
The only way to circumvent this law is to be a working freak; this means that you can't just have a medical disorder and look mutated, you also have to do something amazing. So working freaks become geeks, eaters, acrobats, contortionists, etc. in order to work for a living. Most working freaks today have no overtly obvious medical conditions, but are instead body modified persons who elected this route for themselves.

Also, everybody go see Jim Rose's Sideshow Circus if it comes to your town...the most depraved shit you've ever payed to see outside the average Vegas boxing match.

Chestnuts roasted by Cannibalizer @ 06/14/2004 05:52 PM EST

Last pic is where these articles come from.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 05:53 PM EST

Welcome back, my friends,
To the show that never ends.
We're so glad you... Woah, Butthead, look! Midget Woman!

I kinda miss the sideshows. Used to have stuff like that down here during The Annual American Indian Exposition here in Anadarko. No more. Just crappy rides, crappy carnival food, crappy carnival prizes, and booths selling crappy knock-off merchandise. I always try to buy a knock-off Japanese robot or a laser pointer. C'mon down this August! I'll be the dumpy galoot enjoying the breeze coming off the Gravitron.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/14/2004 06:03 PM EST

Haven't read it yet, but I love gyros. Didn't know they were fair type material.

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 06/14/2004 06:06 PM EST

Very good article. Better than most of the recent ones, but then again, I'm just a sucker for the road-trip ones!

The last pic is pretty cool.

Too bad about the midget lady. You should have given her one of the small goldfishes.

Chestnuts roasted by Pee-Caaaaaa-JEW @ 06/14/2004 06:38 PM EST

Oh god. That was the most disturbing and or amazing article yet. I think?
That's one creepy, gross carnival.
I think the bling bling # bootleg Scooby say it all.

And I really love how the smallest woman's picture's file name is "holyshit".

Ugh. I hate carnivals so much now.

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 06/14/2004 06:39 PM EST

Man oh, man... If that wasn't the saddest little person I have ever seen. You can see the pain behind her smile tring to break through, but the thought of losing her tips keeps her forced smile going. D-pressing.
Corn dogs rule!

Chestnuts roasted by Bettie Boo @ 06/14/2004 06:43 PM EST

Er.. trying.

Chestnuts roasted by Bettie Boo @ 06/14/2004 06:44 PM EST

Hey! No funnel cake? That wormy looking crispy sugar coated confection has got to be one of my favorite parts of carnivals/fairs. Even without any funnel cake goodness - gotta say the cotton candy monster rocks!

And Gloria the midget - whoa. Very sad - I have no words.

Chestnuts roasted by MaryFran @ 06/14/2004 07:03 PM EST

Really, to be totally honest here, what would Gloria do for work outside of the carnival? She's so tiny, I bet she would have a hard time finding work (well, maybe not recently, but she looks to be about 60 or so, so when she was younger, before employers were more accomidating (I know that's spelled wrong, sorry)). Although, she does have a satellite in there w/ her tv, so at least she can catch The Sopranos in between standing up and smiling for people.

I thought for sure that there would have been a link to the Glofish article. what w/ all of the sadistic goldfish treating that was going on. I bet their little bowls get hot under those lights, too. Sniff.

Ooh, did you notice the orb in the photo of the psychic tarot stand? Either she really is psychic, and she was calling in the spirits, or that parking lot is haunted. Or, you had a spot of water on your digi cam lens. Either way, you could sell it on Ebay.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/14/2004 07:06 PM EST

Seriously Matt, we need a virtual tour of your office.

Chestnuts roasted by KMC @ 06/14/2004 07:08 PM EST

In a weird sort of paralell-universe moment, I recently watched a History Channel program on sideshows. Back when sideshows were first tried to be outlawed, the people who stuck up for them most were--the sideshow freaks themselves! Strange, but that seems mean right there.

I have this awesome blue dragon I won at a carinval. He inexplicably has a pouch. But he's cuddly.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 06/14/2004 07:09 PM EST

AWESOME!!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by SuperStar @ 06/14/2004 07:16 PM EST

wow...I laughed, i cried, i saw a giant hulk that didnt look like him at all!!

HULK ANGRY! THAT NOT REAL HULKK! THAT IMPOSTER HULK! SMASH IMPOSTER BALLOOON HULK!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/14/2004 07:21 PM EST

freezair, is that dragon a DragonTale? Pardon me for knowing way too much about kid's shows, but there's a show on PBS about flying, marsupial dragons wearing necklaces called DragonTales. The blue one's name is Ord.
Also, I saw that History Channel show, too. That's what made me post about Gloria not having much choice in work earlier. It seems exploited to us, but some of them were really happy to show off their "freakishness".

I really want to know if Hall of Mirrors Fred got packed up w/ the carnival rides and shipped off to the old Ames parking lot in Albany (or wherever that Carnivale is heading next).

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/14/2004 07:33 PM EST

I remember going to a fair in Yonkers, NY about 4-5 years ago, which had the same World's Smallest Woman/Horse attractions. Don't remember for sure if it was the same woman, but I do remember that she was black.

Also that Spiderman's cock was funny as hell.

Chestnuts roasted by Dean @ 06/14/2004 07:52 PM EST

$6 for a ferris wheel? Holy shitaki. I wouldn't go to a carnival unless they had the classic $20 hand stamp for unlimited rides.

There was one year where I was on a first name basis with the Tilt-a-Whirl operator. I rode that fucker 50 times, at least. My friends left me behind because of it.

Me: "One more time BAY-BAH!"
Them: "Fuck you."

Poetry.

Chestnuts roasted by Rein @ 06/14/2004 07:53 PM EST

Carnie Folk. . .small hands, smell like cabbage! A good majority of you should know where that line comes from!

~I ain't a New Jack, nobody gonna Wesley Snipe me, it's less than likely!

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 06/14/2004 08:20 PM EST

Awesome article. Too bad I had to wait till I got home to post since your site banned my work IP from posting.

Anywho, the baseball-looking Madball is "Screaming Meeme" (not "Screaming Meanie" as you called him in an earlier article).

I think it is a baseball reference, but my being an absoulute sports fag and baseball being absoulutely boring to the point of unwatchability unless the company puts me up in the suite with an open cooler and hot dog warming machine, I wouldn't know.

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 06/14/2004 08:21 PM EST

Yes gyros do have lamb meat in them, but i have a funny feeling that the canival gyros probably consisted of rat and/or dog meat and old Chinese newspapers.

And satalite or no, living in what looked to be a dilapidated reptile house must really suck. Poor Gloria.

Chestnuts roasted by Seburo @ 06/14/2004 08:24 PM EST

Religously check for updates and I feel like i was just given the gift of a life time. Tremendous article - even better than the movie review of BasketCase the google search that started it all... sniff sniff

Chestnuts roasted by He who randomly kisses ass @ 06/14/2004 08:25 PM EST

Well, I doubt she actually lives there. It's probably just where she works. I'm sure she has her own trailer w/ much more comfortable living arrangements. It may be mean to gawk at her, but I seriously doubt the carnival PTB kidnapped her and forced her to perform while living in a tiny open ended crackerbox.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/14/2004 08:29 PM EST

Up where I live we have a huge Fair/Carnival every year called The Sussex County Farm and Horse Show. It has the usual rides and games, but has a lot more. As the name implies it has horse shows, and boring farm crap. There are also many exhibits there and a shitload of free stuff. One year I got a free Archies ham Radio Adventure comic. The comic was one of those so bad its the funniest things ever type of book. You havne't lived till you ahve seen midgets floating down a river on a cello. The fair also has a demolition derby every year.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 06/14/2004 08:31 PM EST

Hooray for crappy prizes... (like what I'm guessing are horrendous Care Bears knock-offs in the pic before Bling-Bling Scooby) although occasionally you'll find something legit.

I'll never forget when my boyfriend (now husband) spent over 20 bucks at Kennywood (our local amusement park) trying to win a plush Charizard. He never did get that sucker until he shelled out ANOTHER 20 bucks for one on ebay.

Note: he *wasn't* trying to win it for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Team Rocket Rose @ 06/14/2004 08:55 PM EST

a really well written atricle matt :o) the worlds smallest lady was heartbreaking- does she actually live in that little room?

carnies give me the creeps. i think i have said this before but in Australia we have the royal show but it is of better quality- although a ride crashed a couple of years ago but no-one was killed luckily.

you know the medium sized spongbob plush toy, well the last time we went to the show my nephew spotted one as a prize for a game that cost about AUS$3 to play. the ones where you throw the bouncy ball in the bucket but it is difficult because of the way the bucket is tilting. so we spent, like AUS$9 trying to get it but then we didnt and he ended up crying. so we gave the carnies a look like "look at what you've done!". later we bought the spongebob at another stand for AUS$12. and thats my story.

oh, end they had all types of blow up cartoon characters as well...

Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 06/14/2004 08:56 PM EST

That is the most depressing thing i have evr seen i think the Spider-Man blow up was bigger then her.

Chestnuts roasted by cat @ 06/14/2004 09:06 PM EST

Another article that reminds me why I'll always consider X-E the #1.

Chestnuts roasted by Vin @ 06/14/2004 09:12 PM EST

You're so funny Matt. I really like your passive agressive nature and sarcastic humor. It rocks my sox.

Your limerick was inspiring too. *laughs*

Chestnuts roasted by Camila @ 06/14/2004 09:30 PM EST

Hey Matt,

How about the kick-ass carnival art they used to paint on all the "Flying Bobs" rides (you have one in your article) that always had the 1970's ski scenes on them? I miss those things.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 09:36 PM EST

Unless county fairs and carnivals are the same thing, I've never been to a carnival. I go to my local fair though a lot of summers, but I never ride the rides. The people that put them up look too much like Cletus from The Simpsons. They put the rides up in under a day, but somehow I'm not trusting them enough to expect them to know what they're doing. I just know as soon as I hand over my money and take my seat on the ride, the whole thing will just go because of some slack jawed yokel that didn't put it together right.

Wow that was long about carnies or whatever. Guess that was building up since last summer.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 06/14/2004 09:49 PM EST

Most carnivals are pretty poor, but every summer I look forward to going to the New York State Fair in Syracuse. It's a bit larger than your average carnival, and it has more rides, from Strates shows, that are usually in pretty good shape.

By the way, Matt, did that carnival have any dark rides? Most carnival dark rides aren't very thrilling, but a lot of them, like the ones at the NYS fair, usually have cool artwork on the facade.

Chestnuts roasted by Number5 @ 06/14/2004 10:03 PM EST

The statue of the guy in the toxic barrel was from the only moderately dark ride, but we didn't ride it. It was set up like a movie theater coaster for "Scream 2."

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 10:06 PM EST

Wow...

In comparison, our local fair sucks!

http://www.parnasas.com/PopArena/Articles/fair1.html

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 06/14/2004 10:09 PM EST

Anyone in the philadelphia area ever go to the willow grove mall when they had those kick ass carnie style posters hanging from the ceiling? It's been about a billion years since I went there, and I don't know if they still have them or not, but...I remember being really little and thinking they were the GREATEST THINGS ever. I still do, and if they're gone now...I'll always wish that they had sold them all to me.

on another note, my friend rocked the coney island freak show one summer. She contorted and did the electricity show.

Chestnuts roasted by isleptfunnyhaha @ 06/14/2004 10:11 PM EST

Hah, I went to this the other night. Dead on on all points, but you should've talked about the parking lot outside....home of the REAL freaks.

Chestnuts roasted by Shaolin @ 06/14/2004 10:14 PM EST

Every year in July,my town has the National Baby Food Festival,becuase my hometown (Fremont,MI) is the home of Gerber Baby foods. It used to be called the Old-Fashioned Days,but I guess corporate interests just had to get involved. When this goes on,the whole town just turns into a madhouse,with Main Street filled with rides and game booths. There are even some rides that that been showing up since when I was younger,like a motorcyle merry-go-round with seventies-sytle colors. I try to stay out of it as much as I can since I've gotten older,but it's pretty hard to do,since I have younger cousins.

Hey Matt,Spencers Gifts sell those large rubber duckys,but with a little sailor's hat on them,since that's where I got mine.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 06/14/2004 10:18 PM EST

Good Stuff Matt!

I saw the exact same 'World's Smallest Woman' at the Tennessee Valley Fair here in Knoxville, like 7 or 8 years ago. The same lady! I guess it's not just a job, it's a career. She had a smaller set up when i saw her, just a little couch, a tv, and her tip basket, but it was definitely Gloria. And i had the same reaction... I was so pumped to see her up until i did, then i just felt horrible. But, supposedly she has a son (who's twice her size) so at least she's getting some lovin'.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott P @ 06/14/2004 10:22 PM EST

I'm pretty sure I've seen her on TV! Or at least another black woman playing the part of world's smallest woman. The chick I saw on TV was Jamaican I believe, and took the job b\c she wasn't healthy enough to find other work.

Chestnuts roasted by Mickey @ 06/14/2004 10:39 PM EST

Speaking of dark rides, this site's a nice way to kill some spare time.

http://www.laffinthedark.com/main.htm

Chestnuts roasted by Number5 @ 06/14/2004 10:47 PM EST

Wow, great article.

Besides Gloria (I do feel we're on a first name basis) the local carnival here is pretty similar... alternated locations between the parking lot of a parochial school & the giant parking lot practically in my backyard. In recent years they've moved it up to the never-used extended parking lot of the mall. Um... okay, I don't have any funny carnival-related stories, but now I really want some fried dough. THAT is the REAL carnival food.

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 06/14/2004 11:13 PM EST

Is that last picture in your appartment? If so post more pictures of your p[lace so we can see all the shit you have collected! I sat here for 10 minutes looking at everything I could in that picture!

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 06/14/2004 11:34 PM EST

Spidey AND the World's Smallest Woman in one night?! Wow, what luck! At least she was happy. I had to laugh at the guy stuck in the top of the House of Non Mirrors. He looks like one of my customers at the video store. I don't care much for the guy. Bootleg Scooby?! Classic. I like Legit Scooby! And how's ur goldfish? And is that ur memorabilia collection in the picture w/Spidey? Wow!!!!!!!! Great article!!

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 06/14/2004 11:52 PM EST

You should have given Spiderman to Gloria! That would have been a hoot!

Chestnuts roasted by Patrick the great @ 06/15/2004 12:21 AM EST

I liked the marijuana leaf on the Hall of Mirrors.

Chestnuts roasted by The Masturbating Bear @ 06/15/2004 01:03 AM EST

This is some of the best photography I've seen in an X-E article. What kind of camera do you use, Matt?

Chestnuts roasted by Hope @ 06/15/2004 01:04 AM EST

As much as I enjoy your articles on 80's memorablia and shows, I wish you would do more reviews like this one and you're A.C. hotel trip.

Good Stuff!

Chestnuts roasted by Novaximus @ 06/15/2004 02:36 AM EST

there is doo doo all over my apartment, but i aint cleaning it up because i am moving in 2 months and that would be a waste. i dont have pets

Chestnuts roasted by romeo @ 06/15/2004 03:30 AM EST

Great article. It gave me a sense of nostalgia reading it because I haven't been to my city's local carnival since I was eight. Although that was nine years ago, I still see those same shitty games mentioned in your article set up each year as our city is blessed with the prestigious honor of having a breeding ground of filth and disappointment on one of its most cheerished dirt lots.

I'm new to this site so I've been catching up on your articles. After reading your article on Monsters in my Pocket I remembered I had the whole "kitten kaboodle" safely stored in my spider/silverfish infested basement. I'd say I have atleast 85% of all the Monsters in my Pocket ever made, even the special one you had to mail away for.

Anyway, keep up the good work. This was easily one of my favorites, right up there with the Hungry Man and Kids Cuisine article(s).

Chestnuts roasted by Brillski @ 06/15/2004 03:39 AM EST

you have crushed my soul with Gloria. Call me crazy but I have a soft spot in my heart for the tiny folk.

I like the freakshow type movies where everyone is happy and together and they laugh at the normals behind thier backs, like Freaks and Wolf Girl and other such movies.

I wouldn't feel so bad for Gloria if she were surrounded by others who were in on the freakdom. As it is she probably makes pretty good money.

She's the only thing there worth the establishment paying for, since they are obviously making 200 percent profit or more, no money is going into anything else. There's just no way places like that would be open if they weren't cash cows.

So for a real attraction, I'm sure it pays.

Guess I feel better now.

Chestnuts roasted by spooky @ 06/15/2004 04:00 AM EST

Maybe he's a knockoff based on Ord. I know my DragonTales though(little sister's dance studio plays PBS in the afternoons), and it's not really Ord.

I'd like a plush version of the two-headed one. He/she is funky.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 06/15/2004 04:28 AM EST

Man, that was a great column! I've been visiting this site for almost a year now, but this is easily my favorite column until now. Keep up the good work, Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by Sjoerd @ 06/15/2004 05:37 AM EST

Matt, I must say, that was excellent. Keep up the excellent work, my good brother!

Chestnuts roasted by Mack-O @ 06/15/2004 06:16 AM EST

Hey Matt, call it morbid curiousity, but was Gloria behind a sheet of thick glass, or could you actually talk to her? Did she actually speak?

Chestnuts roasted by Destro @ 06/15/2004 06:57 AM EST

Gloria's not being exploited, she's selling a service to the carnival company. If she could find something better to do, in terms of personal satisfaction, she'd be doing it. If not, the carnival is the best possible thing for her.

Reading your article and the comments posted, I'd say she's probably doing alright for herself. No major skills are required -- sit here and look sad. No major work is required -- watch TV, smile for the cameras. Her work environment seems at least as comfortable as any I've ever had, and it's decorated so as to maximize the pathos (and, concordantly, the tips).

You wanna talk about exploitation, let's talk about the fish. Even the ones that do survive the carnival and make it home are probably improperly cared for. How many lucky fish-winners do you think rushed out to buy an air pump, an air stone, a filter, and test kits for pH, ammonia, nitrites, etc? How many do you think are following the 10 gallons / goldfish rule? Common goldfish are hardy and fine for beginning aquarists, but there's still some work involved in keeping them healthy and happy.

Chestnuts roasted by CDA @ 06/15/2004 07:23 AM EST

I've always wondered what these sideshow gigs were all about besides exploting someone's talent to make a profit. P.T. Barnum did it with Tom Thumb in the late 1800's. This Reitenhoffer business is no different. I felt bad looking at the sad state that woman was in. I'm pretty sure that's how your supposed to feel, which makes you shell out Tip money.

As for the Animal problem. I fully support the Animal rights group on this front, as well as many others such as circuses and rodeos.

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan Steele @ 06/15/2004 08:41 AM EST

awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by zombone @ 06/15/2004 09:14 AM EST

Carnivals scare me...and I dont mean just the rides...and I dont mean your average kind of fear where your just scared.

Think about it, you pay $ to enter this place of cheap knockoffs, rude "people", and rides that make life insurance agents giddy with anticipation....for what?...."entertainment"? I never found the entertainment behind a carnival or "fair".

The rides I can easily say "no" and not think twice about it because.....well...obviously I dont want to die

Then theres the food...one of the ultimate gambles when coming from a carnival. Lets not forget to mention the bathrooms, which are only there to taunt you since they're mostly too dirty to even look at. Meanwhile your looking for the closest secluded bush.

The "Carnies"...how exactly do you get around to that kind of "life"? That always bothered me.

Anyway, enough ranting.

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 06/15/2004 09:37 AM EST

There are only two things in this world that scare me and one is nuclear war. The other is
Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 06/15/2004 09:52 AM EST

Forget the midget, its all about the TMNT poster on the wall behind spidey. I used to have that exact poster! Seeing it again makes my heart yearn. Maybe you could leave it to me in your will?

Chestnuts roasted by Brandon @ 06/15/2004 10:01 AM EST

Good article.
We also saw the same small lady a couple years back at the Topsfield Fair in Massachusetts. I remember going in there with the best of intentions and then, when I was faced with her, found myself unable to utter a word, staring blankly as she just smiled and showed us photos. We left her booth different people than we were when we walked in.
Afterwards, we just watched as people went in with these huge smiles on their faces and walked out with wide eyes and blank stares themselves.
It was very disturbing. Later at the fair, we visited the batboy, who was a lot easier to deal with, since he was just a dude with pointy ears and an eddie munster haircut who liked to listen to Eminem...
So that's my story...

Chestnuts roasted by Goody @ 06/15/2004 10:10 AM EST

You can also catch Gloria in that TLC special about sideshows circa 1995. The one hosted by Jason Alexander.
Yeah, I don't think I have ever met anyone who actually enjoyed going to carnivals but, I have never met anyone who doesn't go every October either.

Chestnuts roasted by manimal789 @ 06/15/2004 10:35 AM EST

I'm glad MaryFran finally brought up funnel cakes, the only reason to go to the carnival. But even better then funnel cakes are the elephant ears. I loved those suger coated gobs of fried doughy goodness. Now it seems they are frying everything. They are using the same batter to fry oreos and snickers and they are frying twinkies. I tried the oreos and the twinkines...and I enjoyed it for the first couple of bites, but then it was just too much!

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 06/15/2004 11:56 AM EST

Nice article it was most enjoyed too bad for the midget I felt a little sorry, I like to see midgets in there true habitat like on the Jerry Springer show.

Chestnuts roasted by Caylor @ 06/15/2004 11:59 AM EST

Nice article it was most enjoyed, too bad for the midget I felt a little sorry, I like to see midgets in there true habitat like on the Jerry Springer show.

Chestnuts roasted by Caylor @ 06/15/2004 12:01 PM EST

Every so often, Little Brother and I mess around with an idea about opening a cafe that only serves carnival food. Corn dogs, gyros, indian tacos, and fried cheese for the main items. Fried Twinkies, cotton candy, Sno-cones, and the like for dessert. Skee-Ball, Ring-The Bell, and Clown Town along one wall. Mainly, we just work on the menu. It might work, but we'll never know.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/15/2004 12:03 PM EST

The carnival painting on the side of the funhouse/hall of mirrors(?)is like a bad Robert Williams painting. Did sommeone else already mention this? I did not have time to read all the posts....!
Blessed thee is thy carnival midway trash.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 06/15/2004 12:19 PM EST

In West Virginia, we have a huge coal company that will have a carnival come in and do stuff in our city. Sounds about like yours, but our games were play until you won. I got one of those knock-off Spidermans for FREE! It only lasted awhile though. It just deflated one day. Oh, well. We had a few different games, though, like human fooseball. I waited in line for 15 minutes for it and saw one id leave with a broken/dislocated finger and one kid with a bloody nose. I still did it, though and it's the best time I'll ever have strapped to a pole!

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 06/15/2004 12:42 PM EST

That makes me wanna go to a carnival. I remember going to the state fair and they wouldn't let me in the Indiana Jones thing because of my leg even though I had already been in it about 30 times at other places, bastards. Speaking of that thing... you would think they'd paint it to look like something a little more modern. Do kids old enough to go on it now even know who about Indy? Keep up the reality articles, they're almost my favorite type here (#1 is food/toy reviews, oh yea!).

Chestnuts roasted by Trampus @ 06/15/2004 12:55 PM EST

I don't like carnivals one bit, and the small lady creeps me the fuck out. Like a animal in a cage or some shit. no fucking way no no no no no i hate that carnival. not a fun read. no no no.

Chestnuts roasted by no no no no no no and no no no @ 06/15/2004 01:01 PM EST

Goldfish are the most delicious of carnival foods.

Chestnuts roasted by fghsh @ 06/15/2004 01:40 PM EST

sad and creepy as hell. (much worse than the "roadside zoo" article...) awesome job.

haven't been to a carnival in years. they can be truly terrifying places.

those carnies can be crazy, trying to get you to play their games. i remember walking with my sister through one place (was it rye playland?) -- i was probably 12 or 13, my sister was 16 or 17. this carnie hollers out to us, "hey, chink, win your girlfriend a prize...!" we're about to pass him and he throws a dart toward my feet!

my (idiot) sister says, "you should give that back to him..."

as soon as i get close enough, the fucker forcefully grabs my arm and pulls me closer and starts insisting i play a game!

i ran like the friggin wind...

Chestnuts roasted by M. Alice @ 06/15/2004 01:48 PM EST

Poor Gloria. When they close up and move on, I wonder where she sits? in a truck, in a bus? I hope they don't just hook that house onto a hitch and drive.

Do carnies get to leave the premises for their days off? if so you could see and meet Gloria at the laundry mat, or coffeeshop or something. I feel a tv series happening.

Chestnuts roasted by Bitsy&Roary @ 06/15/2004 01:54 PM EST

Does the "scary old man stands tall at a balcony in the Hall of Not Mirrors" look like the Keystone "Bitter Beer Face" man. I saw him at a Catholic Festival last fall, my 3 year old daughter was on the ride that he was "running". He would smile and she would mock the bitter beer face back to him. I laughed so hard, beer came out of my nose, well not really but almost.

Chestnuts roasted by sixpointsix @ 06/15/2004 01:56 PM EST

I almost forgot, did Gloria ask you when the Cobra Chia Plot would be finished?

Chestnuts roasted by sixpointsix @ 06/15/2004 02:06 PM EST

No way, that's why I love her.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/15/2004 02:07 PM EST

Oh I love carnivals. We get the creepy travelling ones here, usually at various locations in the city during the summer. But everyone ignores them. Know why? Because in July we get THE FREAKIN CALGARY STAMPEDE!!!! Haha damn I love the Stampede. All the rides and food places and everything come from one of those travelling carnival companies, but they only bring the best of the best. And there are beer gardens and drunken cowboys and livestock. And the Casino. And did I mention beer gardens? Every year my friends and I go carny hunting, which just means that you spend the entire day looking for the creepiest carny in the park and then tell everyone about the guy operating the zipper with the crazy eye and only two teeth.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 06/15/2004 02:13 PM EST

Oh, I forgot to mention how funny it is to see the tourists who bought brand new authentic cowboy boots just for the Stampede and who wear them for the first time on the Stampede grounds. FYI everyone, cowboy boots need to be broken in and the first time you wear them, they're gonna hurt especially if you walk all day and don't stay in the beer gardens where you're safe and drunk.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 06/15/2004 02:15 PM EST

Matt,
Do you love your Chia pet? Is it still alive?

Chestnuts roasted by sixpointsix @ 06/15/2004 02:17 PM EST

And another thing, where was Gloria's 8 year old son? Who is raising him? Carnies?

Chestnuts roasted by sixpointsix @ 06/15/2004 02:26 PM EST

Amazing article Matt, thanks. But...

Will you please stop teasing us!!!! Here we find the Joes, Cobras (Gremlins) and Turtles yet again, just standing there on the shelf... taunting us... tormenting us. AAAARRRGH!!!

Give us out well deserved conlusion pleeeeeeease! That chia-pet must be a right bloody mess by now right?

Chestnuts roasted by Rattus @ 06/15/2004 02:26 PM EST

Carnivals are creepy and I'm addicted to buying the crappy jewlery with pewter wizards and swords. That is such a 90s trend, those pewter fantasy things with those little rainbow balls...
The carnival is also a good source for pentigrams. I've got one. Creeps the hell out of me and everytime I touch it, something bad happens to me. The carnies cursed it with their Satan Wish!

Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 06/15/2004 04:34 PM EST

i think the worst carnaval ride is the star trooper ride that was at my local carnaval (vegas)
Peace to the little lady
~Tink

Chestnuts roasted by Tink @ 06/15/2004 04:39 PM EST

OMG! That picture with the psychic lady has a friggin' ghost Princess Diana!!! I shit you not! Look just next to the left shoulder of the lady in the black shirt. She's staring at me! I'm scared, someone hold me.

By the way, the smallest horse:
horse

Chestnuts roasted by Cobra Soldier #18 @ 06/15/2004 04:56 PM EST

HOLA MATT
YOU SHOULD BE A DOCUMENTALIST ,THIS ARTICLE WAS VERY FUNNY LIKE THE OTHERS, BUT THIS ONE WAS MOVING, I DROP MANY TEARS FOR THE LITTLE BLACK LADY,
(TEARS IN X-E, THAT IS NEW).
YOU ARE A GREAT STORYTELLER MATT, CONGRATULATIONS.
THE CARNIVALES IN MEXICO ARE MORE BIZARRE THAN THE USA, AND WE DON`T
HAVE FREAKS SHOWS.

GRACIAS MATTEO

YOUR ONLY MEXICAN FAN

ERASMO RODRIGUEZ

Chestnuts roasted by ERASMO FROM MEXICO @ 06/15/2004 05:05 PM EST

Truth to tell, the only tears I found in X-E are tears of bitter resentment. Or, in the case of Photog, Bitner resentment.

Spader-Man, Spader-Man.
Does whatever James Spader can...

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/15/2004 05:20 PM EST

91 comments, and I'm the only one who comments on the use of the phrase "made my balls jiggle" in the article? That ain't right... both the mental image that turn of phrase conjurs up, and the lack of comment. Bleh to both.

Great article, tho'.

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 06/15/2004 05:29 PM EST

And the carnies thought Matt was smuggling goldfish in his pants.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/15/2004 06:01 PM EST

Dude, my brother used to pull his pants partway down and buck his hips so you could hear his balls bounce off the bottom of his asscheeks. In public. (Ok, not sure why I brought this up, but had something to do with the ball-jiggle thing.)

Chestnuts roasted by Bobby B @ 06/15/2004 06:15 PM EST

Damn.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 06/15/2004 06:23 PM EST

I once saw an "18 inch Woman" at the boardwalk in Keansburg, NJ.
In this case it was only some kind of projected image.
A hologram, if you will.
"She" may be still be there for all I know. Check her out, and tell her I said "hello"

Chestnuts roasted by Guiseppe @ 06/15/2004 06:46 PM EST

Wow, down here in Jacksonville we get the "Greater Jacksonville Agricultural Fair," and I remember years ago they had both the snake lady and the world's smallest lady. The small lady was a little old white midget, or little person, or dwarf, or pathetic part of a human, who reminded me of my great-grandma. They should really have called it "World's Filthiest Midget Cage."

Chestnuts roasted by Aaron @ 06/15/2004 06:50 PM EST

OMG, Matt, don't believe Erasmo! despite his broken english and my flawless one, I AM your only true fan from mexico! I've been reading for ages. back from the 'cartoon all stars video', heh.

Chestnuts roasted by Zefiel @ 06/15/2004 07:37 PM EST

I once saw that same tiny woman at the Wayne County Fair in whatever state Wayne county is in. It was extraordinarily awkward. She just looked at us, and we just looked right back at her. And then we ran away.
Oh, and one of the carnies offered me a job. I guess I just have that look.

Chestnuts roasted by David @ 06/15/2004 08:01 PM EST

First off damn funny article and a mention to 2 people who posted, first Bobby B., damn that thing about your brother made me laugh...I hope it warms your heart to know that your siblings' skill(?) though it may have been mortifyingly embarrassing has brightened my day...and poster 2, Aaron, I don't know how to tell you this, but Gloria is black, and the worlds smallest woman, therefore...your midget is dead.

By the way, Spiderman IS the Alpha Male. With a crotch like that He truly is the son of God.

Chestnuts roasted by whitemale_98/competent soldier @ 06/15/2004 08:15 PM EST

CDA, I'm glad someone else on here agrees w/ me about Gloria and her choice of employment. It's not like she's been sold into carnivalery, and chained to the mini chair singing Po' Lazarus. Her sad face is what makes everyone feel bad for her, and hand her tips. I bet sitting in that chair for 4 out of 7 days for a few hours at a time and smiling is the easiest work she could ask for.

Cobra Soldier, I saw that ghost orb, too! I mentioned it way up there when I first posted. Freaky, huh?

Oh, yeah, no one has mentioned the game dedicated to Reagan was a shooting game. Is that some kind of sick joke? When Clinto dies, will the game dedicated to him be the Shoot the Water in the Clown's Mouth game?
Also, that is not Indy. That really is Steve from Married w/ Children. Look at him and tell me he's not.

Matt, did you go on any rides? I used to love the Scrambler. I would always convince my little sister that the best place to sit was on the outside of the car, and then I would proceed to squish her w/ all of my might and inertia.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/15/2004 08:36 PM EST

Great article, Matt.
Despite the madness adn excitment of the carnival you went to, I'll stick with the CALGARY STAMPEDE! There are (normal sized) horse races, awesome rides, wicked concerts, and really hot guys in cowboy hats. I went to the curiosity circus there and there was this dummy in chains that supposidly killed his owners and burned down a house. Oh, and there was a mermaid there. Looked like an anorexic manatee.

My heart goes out to Gloria.

Chestnuts roasted by Mustang184 @ 06/15/2004 08:44 PM EST

That article was beautiful I was so damn giddy when I read the teaser about "ten gallons of life-giving liquid" that I ran into the kitchen and poured up some cranberry lemonade and then ran back with a big fucking goofy look on my face and spilt the shit all over my keyboard

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 06/15/2004 09:40 PM EST

Gloria the tiny lady looked so sad she made me want to cry, but the giant Spiderman rocked my world, so it balances out.

Matt, you are a hilarious. All your articles (that I've read so far) really crack me up. Keep up the good work.

Chestnuts roasted by Kay @ 06/15/2004 09:55 PM EST

Loved the Six Feet Under line. So funny, because it's true.

Chestnuts roasted by Beth @ 06/15/2004 11:27 PM EST

Wow, that's one huge-ass Spider-Man. I'm not sure I can ever believe that whole smallest woman thing though. I don't see how the fuck she could have been pregnant with a kid that turned out normal-sized. Also, the dollars in that tip basket are in correct proportion to her body. So does that mean they're fake dollar bills or something?

While I'm here, I must say that I am the champion at the whole water-squirting game. I won a giant dalmation the last time I played against 19 other people. Probably because my only competitors are usually inept children and their equally unaware parents.

Chestnuts roasted by Bloodshed Goth @ 06/15/2004 11:44 PM EST

Does anyone else like the bastard carnvial cousin, Medieval Fair(e)s? I went to one once when I was like 13 and had a blast, actors who protray drunks, those jumbo turkey legs, and magic shows. I even discovered my talents for weaponry when I got certificates for axe, Chinese star throwing (doesn't fit the theme does it?), and hammer throwing. To all carnie haters, give the medieval fair(e) a chance, since at least they have better costumes and talk like they are going to audition for Hamlet.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 06/16/2004 01:15 AM EST

Great article as always. I once went to a carnival type thing in Seaside Heights, New Jersey a couple of years ago. I saw what was said to be the smallest woman while I was there. Same little blue house setup and everything. Although the woman was black and I was drunk, she did seem a little younger than the one in your story. Must have been the beer goggles. Oh well...

Chestnuts roasted by Derek @ 06/16/2004 05:18 AM EST

If you think 6 bucks for a ferris wheel is bad, you tip the world's smallest woman to STAND UP? If you're tipping, she should I dunno, do the Cabbage Patch or the Worm or something.

Chestnuts roasted by CaseyJones @ 06/16/2004 09:47 AM EST

I love love LOVE carnivals! Back in Alabama, my father volunteered when the fair would come through town (it was sponsored by the Kiwanis Club) so we got free tickets every season,... As a kid, I would go two or three times each season.. The rides RAWKED! Gravitron, Scrambler, Himalaya, Kamikaze... I gained the courage to go on the dark rides and in the funhouses as a pre-teen so they joined the list eventually. And to top it all off with pancakes, caramel apples, elephant ears, and fudge! Damn I wanna go back!

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 06/16/2004 09:58 AM EST

And remember, kiddies, to make almost any carnival ride more exciting for those riding after you, sprinkling some loose bolts and nuts in the floor of the car will do the trick every time.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/16/2004 11:26 AM EST

reading this article brings to mind my personal experiences with carnies. first of all, a few years ago two of my friends from college left for about two weeks only to return with tales about life as traveling carnival hands. almost as cool as if they'd left and become pirates. secondly, i will forever be scarred by the time i rode the ferris wheel and the view from the top was down into the carnie trailer area and a nice view of nekkid carnie lovin' in one of the trailers. kinda justifies spending so much on a ticket. finally, our local fair had a carnie operating one of the slides that was clean cut, well-groomed, and dressed in GAP clothes. i figure he's the one they all make fun of behind his back.

Chestnuts roasted by jimmy @ 06/16/2004 12:45 PM EST

Well, reading these comments made me want to head to my hometown's home page to see when *our* town fair is being held. I found no news beyond the mosquito-spraying schedual (Rachel Carson surrenders), but hoo-boy, is this page amusing: http://www.scstest.com/quincy/about.asp

(Yeah, this has nothing to do with anything, but I now have boundless pride in being a resident of "one of New England’s most captivating destinations" and I had to share. Carry on.)

Chestnuts roasted by LaGremlin @ 06/16/2004 01:29 PM EST

The Connecticut carnivals have gone WAY downhill over the past 5-10 years. The Big E is still the best one to go to, if you can make it to Massachusetts.

I just hate how these carnivals seem to believe they can let their quality slip so horribly as long as they ALL start carrying deep-fried Twinkies.

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 06/16/2004 01:44 PM EST

All this talk of towns made me look up the town I've been living in for the past year.
Man, I'm glad I live on Main St.

www.coventryct.org

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 06/16/2004 01:51 PM EST

Hey Matt, seeing as to how you seem to like these carnival-type things, just wanted to let you know that the annual 20th Avenue street fair in Brooklyn is going to be going on for the next week or so, I believe. I know you live in Staten Island so it would be kind of a drive, but if you have time you should come check it out. I passed them setting up this morning and I saw about 5 blocks’ worth of rides, games, and about thirty-five thousand shish kebob stands. Sorry didn’t see any small blue houses promising little women, but it should still be a doozy.

Chestnuts roasted by Lauren @ 06/16/2004 01:52 PM EST

You know, I've heard tons about the Big E (make your own joke), but I've never been. Never been to King Richard's Historical Innacuracies Jamboree either, though it seems more my speed. And it seems as if my town has no fair this year either.

On the other hand, nothing, NOTHING beats the ol' Yarmouth Clam Fest (if you're willing to wander north a bit).

(I think the Random Frisbee Dog in that mural might be my new hero.)

Chestnuts roasted by LaGremlin @ 06/16/2004 02:17 PM EST

Truly, completely, outstandingly hilarious account of a trip to a carnival. To be honest, I've never been to a "real" carnival only many many county fairs (the same thing sans the sideshow). Gloria...hmmm... In any case, those prizes (aka big, ugly, ill-colored animals stuffed with little styrofoam balls) are the jankiest things I've seen in quite some time...ha!

Chestnuts roasted by Shelly @ 06/16/2004 03:07 PM EST

MATT,

Once again through one of your articles you've displayed a slight glimpse of the museum that is your pad. I'm referring to that clutter behind your newly acquired gigantic inflatable Spiderman in the last picture.

So when are we getting an article that showcases the trophies of your proud abode?
-G

P.S. - That inflatable Spiderman wasn't bought with sexual purposes in mind, was it?

Chestnuts roasted by GregInNJ @ 06/16/2004 03:49 PM EST

Matt,

I am 99% sure that Gloria was at the carnival last year, along with the horse. I saw the horse and wasn't really impressed, but I never actually got around to seeing Gloria. My brother did though, and by his description I was actually expecting her to be smaller.

Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 06/16/2004 09:17 PM EST

We used to have a similar (without the sideshow, probably for the better) American travelling carnival come to Faubourg de l'Île shopping centre here in Pincourt each year, though they haven't been here since the mid-90s. Yes, it was populated by tattoo-covered carnies of exactly of the sort made fun of by Beavis and Butt-Head, South Park, and, of course, Austin Powers. My brother, Nick (or maybe it was John), claimed that he saw one of them taking a leak on the mechanism of the... umm, whatever that ride's called when you walk into the giant drum and get strapped into a cage along the wall and experience the fun of centrifugal force. The one that came to ours had a full arcade, though I seem to remember that they charged a buck just to play Hard Drivin', and I think Altered Beast was something like 50 cents a go.

Also, I recently read, but I don't remember where it was, an exposé on stuffed animals at carnivals, and they found stuff like used bandages (the gauze kind) within the toys.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 06/16/2004 10:35 PM EST

I've survived the town carnival. My service organization had a booth at the community food tent selling hot dogs and Domino's Pizza...and the masochist I was, I volunteered to man the booth for a few hours on a weekend.

Jeez...there are weird people milling about, like they come out of the woodwork. Especially what some people call "trailer trash". As I was passing out soda, there was a couple who was necking in public. A few seconds later, the woman screamed and stormed off from the tent. Oh the drama.

At least there was carnival food. The batter fried cheese was the highlight.

I was transfixed at her pictures on the wall. It seemed that Gloria has pictures of her family at her home. One picture of her son looks like his senior class picture, and there is one of (I think) her daughter in a prom dress.

To Bright Noah: I have myself a copy of Archie's Ham Radio Adventure. As cheesy as it comes, it was published by the American Radio Relay League, for the purposes to introducing kids to Ham Radio. And I know that because I'm a League member myself. Oy vey. Still, it's good over a few beers.

Chestnuts roasted by Carol the Theologian @ 06/16/2004 11:22 PM EST

Thank you, Matt. This article has been inspirational. Inspirational in the fact that I now want to be a carny. Yes, you heard me correctly. I want to get paid to be a gypsy. Just kidding about the whole gypsy thing. I'd guess that being a Carny wouldn't be bad for awhile, but certainly not I doubt I'd want to be livng in RV parks all my life.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 06/17/2004 12:31 AM EST

Hey Matt, you got to review the movie SSSssss the one where Dirk (faceman)Starbuck, gets turned into a snake and there's freak shows and all that stuff. Oh and more pictures of your house would be cool.

Chestnuts roasted by garbage pail kid @ 06/17/2004 06:43 AM EST

Christ, her T.V. sits atop a mini-fridge! You know it's full of tiny foodstuffs like mini donuts and those little sampler cereal boxes. Hohoho, they would look normal size! P.S. If you want to see something even more monstrous, check THIS out!

http://phreeque.tripod.com/grace_mcdaniels.html

"Her flesh was like red, raw meat; her huge chin was twisted at such a distorted angle she could hardly move her jaws. Her teeth were jagged and sharp, her nose was large and crooked. The objects that made her look most like a mule were her huge, mule-like lips. Her eyes stared grotesquely in their deep-set sockets. All in all, she was a sickening, horrible sight." - From Harry Lewiston's Freak Show Man

Chestnuts roasted by DDR SYRUP @ 06/17/2004 12:52 PM EST

I can't *believe* that nobody has linked to this yet (requires Flash):

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail104.html

"No, no, no! You got t'get the rings *inside* the bottles!"

Chestnuts roasted by LaGremlin @ 06/17/2004 01:06 PM EST

I won a goldfish at our local fair here back in February. Now 2 tanks and $150 later he's still alive and doing well, in fact he's king of the pack of the other 28 cent goldfish I bought at wal-mart.

They also had a deal at our fair on that game that if your ping-pong ball went in the red jars you won an Iguana. I bought 10 balls and won the goldfish on the 2nd shot so I spent the last 8 trying without luck to hit the impossibly placed "Iguana Bowl"

Fun time, though.

Chestnuts roasted by Tikibob @ 06/17/2004 04:44 PM EST

Curt Hennig. Epic.

Chestnuts roasted by King Shazbot @ 06/17/2004 04:44 PM EST

I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but such carnivals are rare in southern New Jersey. There's a 4-H County Fair every year in the early fall, and I saw a fair once behind a mall near Atlantic City, but that's the extent of our midways. Why pay to ride cheap rides and win plastic Spider Man toys when you can drive (or walk, in my case) to a boardwalk and do much the same thing on safer, better rides and win nicer stuff?

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 06/17/2004 09:40 PM EST

Hmmm...Nice spot for the blow-up spout on the Giant inflatable Spidey...

Chestnuts roasted by El Chado @ 06/17/2004 10:27 PM EST

At the Carnival that is the Atlantic City Boardwalk, I shall NEVER forget the sight of the armless, legless woman who played a battery-powered organ with her lips and tongue while lying prone on a blanket on the boardwalk.

Her body, minus her head, was about the length of a computer keyboard.

She was on the news some years back, and if I remember correctly, she paid for her college tuition with her tip money.

I also believe that she has passed-away, so don't go looking for her now.

Chestnuts roasted by ibinsomniac @ 06/18/2004 02:57 AM EST

Every year we say we're not going to go to the carnival by the mall, and every year we go any way--but just for the tilt-a-whirl. Thanks for the preview of what we can look forward to if we go this weekend.

Chestnuts roasted by Robin Emily @ 06/18/2004 01:22 PM EST

Hey I live about 35-40 minutes from Atlantic City, and there was an armless, legless woman there? Whoah.

I've been to one of those 4-H fairs (the Ocean County Fair). I rode the Bumper Cars and Scrambler. I was with a group (my now ex-bf, his friends, and his friend's family). The fair was fun--we were attacking each other on the Bumper Cars, and I'll never forget the priceless look on my ex-bf's friend's face when the humming sound came on when the Scrambler was revving up. I also remember that "Raiders" fun house from Wildwood.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 06/19/2004 01:40 AM EST

"The Armless, Legless, Wonder of the Twentieth Century!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/19/2004 04:01 PM EST

This article holds the record for making me whisper, "Jesus CHRIST..." as I went through the article.

Chestnuts roasted by Grego @ 06/19/2004 09:09 PM EST

Dude. I had no idea you were also from the ever-so-shitty Staten Island. I agree with every negative thing you've ever said about the place. That mall carnival is the last bastion of white trash on this pitiful rock. Awesome site, keep up the great work.

Chestnuts roasted by Dan D. @ 06/21/2004 01:25 PM EST

Great article, Matt.

Here in Phoenix, it's common to find a small collection of rides and stuff in the parking lot of a store plaza. That's the closest thing to a carvinal that I have ever seen.

Crap, I want to go to the state fair now.

Chestnuts roasted by marril159 @ 06/22/2004 03:06 PM EST

God you think reinhoffer sucks I will kill to get them back in our town. We have this crappy orange festival every year and reinhoffer was there every year till for some f up reason they didn't show up the next year. We ended up with some 9th ranked porta potty of a carnival and no damn sideshow and rides that wouldn't scare gloria.

Chestnuts roasted by Daniel @ 06/22/2004 06:25 PM EST

Niffty! The cotten candy monster from Scooby Doo! This place has everything!

Chestnuts roasted by DavidLogan @ 06/23/2004 05:10 AM EST

Wow, I had no idea you Lived right near SI NY. Thats awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 06/23/2004 11:07 AM EST

that picture of the smallest woman alive was the most depressing thing i've ever seen in my life. reading about her made me feel worse. i'm going to go cry now.

Chestnuts roasted by Lucy @ 06/24/2004 01:53 AM EST

that was great. i love it when you go on outing adventures to crappy places. i do. you are braver than most and i commend you for it. funny stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by Molly @ 06/24/2004 10:18 PM EST

You think giving away fish is bad? Along with the fish you could win baby pet rabbits at our town carnival. I don't care if they give away fish, but rabbits? Nice article by the way, I hope you do more reviews of places like this.

Chestnuts roasted by Maxxpower @ 06/25/2004 05:27 AM EST

I love your site. It’s a genius beyond genius site. Its the most entertaining thing I have ever encountered on the whole web. (and believe me, boredom will get the best of you when it comes to searching through websites to cure the curse. So I have pretty much seen it all) But now after that short little outburst of my undying love for this website, I move onto the real comment. My heart does go out to Gloria a hint but you have to take into consideration that she did put herself in that degrading situation. It was all her decision. This is funny to me because if I was growing a tail I wouldn’t sell myself to a carnival, especially one like that. Of course, I don’t think a tail is as great as a small person but just as an example. Thanks again for hosting such a kick ass site!

Chestnuts roasted by >>Fritz @ 06/25/2004 02:45 PM EST

Thanks Molly

I guess I have sick need just to see how much money I can blow on things I already know suck. Who needs really needs a blow spiderman??? well maybe a really lonely carnival worker eww goosebumps. Carnival reminds of one thing I haven't quite hit bottom till I end up working there. I louv the carnival there I am normal or as normal as you can get woofing down cotton candy and a hotdog while you carry the bling bling dog which declares once and for all I have no life and like throwing money away. God I love white trash america

Chestnuts roasted by Daniel @ 06/25/2004 05:56 PM EST

But really i DO wonder if that guy is stuck in the hall of mirrors still! hmm...

Chestnuts roasted by Caitlin @ 06/25/2004 09:54 PM EST

Kudo to Matt for going to the crappiest carnival in NYC. Thank to the damn carnival I haven't been able to the SI mall for a while. I don't want any freaky slack jaws and soccer moms with smelly loud kids roaming the mall.

Chestnuts roasted by Don Salvator @ 06/26/2004 04:11 PM EST

Went to the carnival today, the rides were OK, seem to be "intact" and well staffed. However, some of the "employees" seem odd, I was wondering how many of them I would see tonight on "America's Most Wanted" with John Walsh? And the incessant hawking for the balloon with the dart ripoffs was madening. I especially liked the girl who was running the water game where the balloon bursts after you shoot sufficient quantities of water at it---she had the "come on" rehearsed and had one foot up on the shelf picking her toes while looking down and talking into her headset with her "canned" shpiel. A classic moment if I ever saw one. Upon leaving, I saw paper signs hung up asking for "tear down" help for Sunday June 27th @ $ 7.00 / hr. Gotta luv it!!

Chestnuts roasted by Big Al @ 06/27/2004 12:22 AM EST

Far Fuckin Out. Now to see the other side of it go to: http://www.carnivalwarehouse.com/mcw/

Chestnuts roasted by WestCoastPat @ 07/13/2004 01:14 AM EST

Dude, that was a riot! I saw that woman about 8 years ago in upstate NY. I took my then 6 year old daughter in with me and it FREAKED her out! That was too awesome!

Chestnuts roasted by DJZac @ 07/13/2004 12:10 PM EST

Dude, that was a riot! I saw that woman about 8 years ago in upstate NY. I took my then 6 year old daughter in with me and it FREAKED her out! That was too awesome!

Chestnuts roasted by DJZac @ 07/13/2004 12:10 PM EST

My god, I can't believe I just read 150 odd comments. When will this jigger-pokery ever stop???

Chestnuts roasted by Tigra @ 07/14/2004 09:39 AM EST

Hope you have fun with the Bull Shit, keep it up...We laugh everytime you post something, But you anit seen shit if you anit seen the Hairest man on EARTH at the WEST VIRGINIA STATE FAIR. He is a LOCAL in WV....And looks like he's kin to an Ape.
Carni 4 life

Chestnuts roasted by Carni @ 09/08/2004 01:32 AM EST

Holy crap! I've seen this same "World's smallest woman" as a child. She's been at it for 15 years at least.

Thank you for a flashback in my childhood.

BTW if it's the same horse then it's actually a huge freakin rat, not a horse.

Chestnuts roasted by Michael @ 09/12/2004 04:18 PM EST

Holy crap! I've seen this same "World's smallest woman" as a child. She's been at it for 15 years at least.

Thank you for a flashback in my childhood.

BTW if it's the same horse then it's actually a huge freakin rat, not a horse.

Chestnuts roasted by Michael @ 09/12/2004 04:22 PM EST

Due to spending my summer back home on a dial-up connection, I missed this gem of an article. So I'm guessing no one's gonna read this.

As others have mentioned previously, everyone seems to go to the NY State fair in Syracuse every summer. The best part of them? Sangria Slushies!!!! Fingerlakes wine in slushie form. I miss Fingerlakes wine.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 10/06/2004 11:55 AM EST

suck me if your a goth ill smack you silly with my nine inch knacker

Chestnuts roasted by D Rob @ 10/12/2004 05:52 AM EST

i know a rodger rabbit

Chestnuts roasted by D Rob @ 10/12/2004 06:00 AM EST

daenna is my bitch and she knows it raaaaargh

Chestnuts roasted by D Rob @ 10/12/2004 06:04 AM EST

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Chestnuts roasted by phentermine @ 10/29/2004 09:44 AM EST

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Chestnuts roasted by phentermine @ 10/29/2004 09:45 AM EST

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Chestnuts roasted by phentermine @ 10/29/2004 09:46 AM EST

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Chestnuts roasted by phentermine @ 10/29/2004 09:46 AM EST