05/25/2004 Entry: "Shrek Crap: Volume IV!"

In what for the good of mankind must be the last Shrek-related article to ever appear on this site, I present the fourth and final installment of Shrek Crap Our last look at the ogre's massive attack on everything sold everywhere includes his revamp of Milton Bradley's Operation, a wacky dress-up kit and a Play-Doh set that lets children create & mutilate Shrek's teeth just for the Hell of it. The movie's out now and doing extremely well. Is it because it's really funny or because everyone ate the green popcorn?

http://atlas.walagata.com/w/jdk/crapstation3a.jpg

It's a crappy picture, but you can see the Shrek sticker in the corner and Donkey's ass sticking out on the bottom. There were about 7 Shrek dolls in there... it was an intense experience. Of course, the only item I tried getting was that cling-on Spidey.

Chestnuts roasted by JDK @ 05/25/2004 05:21 PM EST

Retailers are complaining that Shrek 2 is hurting their sales b/c people are going to see the movie rather than shop. Cnn.com article. ridiculous.

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 05/25/2004 05:28 PM EST

why is the "Onion Breath" not located *inside* Shrek? Does Onion Breath cause tumors?

Chestnuts roasted by Ashayne @ 05/25/2004 05:33 PM EST

At the local Burger King there's a giant Shrek inflatable on top of the restaurant that makes it looks like he's climbing over the side of the building. It's really cool.

Any chance of a Spideycrap article when that movie comes out?

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 05/25/2004 05:51 PM EST

I have seen a Doc Ock figure at Wal-Mart! Finally! But maybe too many Spideys on the racks. Kinda like the hundreds of BatMan varients that were out from Kenner. Viking BatMan?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/25/2004 05:53 PM EST

With all the marketing blitz, it's a good thing the movie is actually relly good. But if those are really what I think they are in the third photo, then maybe it's gone just a weeee bit too far.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 05/25/2004 06:02 PM EST

IMO, the movie really is that funny. I'm still sick to death of all the Marketing...I certainly don't remember all of this stuff for the orginal Shrek.

As for "Shrek 3," I say if they can make the second sequel every bit as funny and original as the first one, go right ahead. Just hold down the marketing blitz this time around.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 05/25/2004 06:03 PM EST

Is it just me or is Operation Shrek wearing Spiderman underwear?

Chestnuts roasted by Dane E. Coffey @ 05/25/2004 07:05 PM EST

All this Shrek crap and I can't even find a single Master of the Universe figure? For shame.

Chestnuts roasted by Cannibalizer @ 05/25/2004 07:34 PM EST

All this Shrek crap and I can't even find a single Master of the Universe figure? For shame.

Chestnuts roasted by Cannibalizer @ 05/25/2004 07:34 PM EST

I cannot help but stare at that picture of the hulk wearing the shrek version of the hulk hands. Just something about it awes me.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 05/25/2004 09:00 PM EST

Speaking of e-mails, Matt, did you get the photog-boxing-photog e-mail?

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 05/25/2004 09:16 PM EST

Blue Lazer has stolen the Cobra Commanders! They'll be unable to finish the Chia Plot!

Blue Lazer Commander: Capture the Cobra Commanders!

Gunhaver: Quick Everyone! To the Reynold's Apartment Extreme Playset!

Blue Lazer Commander: Destroy the Playset!

*Firebert blows up BL's base, setting the Cobra Commanders free*

Blue Lazer Commander (to one of his minions): I just HATE you SOOO MUCH!

The Cobras are saved! Now they can finish the Chia Plot!

Gunhaver: Good job, Cheat Commandos!

Cheat Commandos! Rock, rock on!

Chestnuts roasted by Reinforcements @ 05/25/2004 09:23 PM EST

What is a "photog" anyway?

And what does Matt do with all the junk he must buy for his articles? Is he taking up 3 Public Storage lockers now? Or does he hold a garage sale once a month?

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 05/25/2004 09:29 PM EST

I would love for Matt to hold a garage sale. I would fly all the way to New York from Calgary just to witness it.

And for the record, I have an even stranger "Operation" game--it features a Tyrannosaurus, and one of the items to remove? A perfectly spherical egg. The best part--instead of a terrifying buzz when you screw up, you get an aggravating and disheartening ROAR (and, as always, the object becomes avoiding said roar).

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 05/25/2004 09:44 PM EST

Mars, here you go:
http://savephotog.tk
http://x-entertainment.com/updates/entries/archives/00000153.html
http://web.tampabay.rr.com/room101/images/Photogbirth.jpg

Chestnuts roasted by microfiche @ 05/25/2004 09:59 PM EST

With all the Shrek crap, there's one item in stores that Shrek won't put his face on but Spider-Man will--Bounty paper towels.

Chestnuts roasted by Luap @ 05/25/2004 09:59 PM EST

Upload a new article ASAP because the shrek looks like that creepy pokemon with the big wig and its creepy.

I'm putting pudding pies in my animation secret-like.

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 05/25/2004 10:31 PM EST

They also have Shrek Dunk-a-roos with green icing and Shrek cookies

Chestnuts roasted by Bus Hecksong @ 05/25/2004 10:44 PM EST

Oh, they're actually planning TWO new Shreks. We'll have green popcorn quadraniually until 2012!

http://www.tiscali.co.uk/news/pa/photos/galleries/20030828/0828/medium/3.html

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 05/25/2004 11:17 PM EST

Oops

http://www.cinescape.com/0/editorial.asp?aff_id=0&this_cat=Movies&action=page&type_id=&cat_id=270338&obj_id=41621

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 05/25/2004 11:29 PM EST

And so ends Shrek's reign of terror on X-E. 'Twas a good run.

Btw Matt, the comments link on the article leads to the TMNT pudding pies entry. Fixeroo?

Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 05/25/2004 11:47 PM EST

Shrek 3 will be even worse..

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 05/26/2004 12:38 AM EST

Burn in hell, Shrek.

Chestnuts roasted by Trent @ 05/26/2004 03:46 AM EST

Has Shrek 3 been confirmed? I'd hate to see the media blitz that would come with that. You'd have the White House painted green, and the president dressed as Shrek... not a pretty thought.

Chestnuts roasted by Patrick, Ace Doorknob Salesman @ 05/26/2004 03:57 AM EST

I'm afraid 'tis true. Shrek 3 and 4 are comin' for you. Shrek weapons of mass destruction are in the works as well. Shrek adult diapers and hunry man breakfast soon to follow.

http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/moviearticle.php?artID=414

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 05/26/2004 09:35 AM EST

They put way too much effort into all this crap. I was at the grocery store yesterday and there was a big swinging mechanical Puss-in-boots swinging over bottles of Sierra Mist.

Chestnuts roasted by Cobra Soldier #18 @ 05/26/2004 09:48 AM EST

The cinerama dome in Hollywood had the ENTIRE theater covered by Shrek's head.
http://galella.wireimage.com/GalleryListing.asp?navtyp=gls=1=6==63148

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 05/26/2004 10:18 AM EST

I've seen that swinging Puss-in-Boots display as well. It's in the front of the store I work at every day. My guess is, as soon as the hype for Shrek 2 dies out, it's gonna be changed into Spiderman swinging over some Dr. Pepper.

Chestnuts roasted by Number5 @ 05/26/2004 10:36 AM EST

The next person to post is an idiot.

Chestnuts roasted by alfonso the bat @ 05/26/2004 11:33 AM EST

Chestnuts roasted by a piece of milk @ 05/26/2004 11:33 AM EST

Yay for the Hulk Pinata!!

Saw Shrek 2- it wasn't bad, but it would have been a LOT funnier if they hadn't put most of the good stuff into the trailers and other advertisements. Or if I hadn't seen them so many times already.

"Wonderfully absurd, it may just be the strangest Play-Doh item ever made."- maybe, but I'd say that the Play-Doh George Foreman grill thakes the cake.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 05/26/2004 11:47 AM EST

The next five people to post will have fame and fortune and fuzzy kitties and pancake breakfasts and all the women will marry men who are tall and handsome and look like Abraham Lincoln and all the guys will marry girls who are tall and pretty and look like Wonder Woman.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/26/2004 11:51 AM EST

Well, yay! We dont get nearly half as much of this Shrek shit here in the u.k. The last time we got completely blitzed with this crap was for Finding Nemo. Anyways, cant wait for spidey 2,even tho 1 sucked in my opinion, but im a comicbook geek so ho-hum.

Chestnuts roasted by -->oscam<-- @ 05/26/2004 12:20 PM EST

Yee-Haw! Wonder Woman is lasso-ing the syrup as I speak!

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 05/26/2004 12:21 PM EST

i dont think anyone mentioned the video game.. since i work at a game store i get 30,000 kids screaming at their parents "GIMME SHREK 2 GAME OR I'LL SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE!"..
and i ate the shrek swirl ice cream too, but im pregnant so i have a semi legitamate reason to eat the multicolored flavor disaster with those soggy candycoated rice krispies.
all of this makes me dread walking to the store for a cherry coke. shrek makes me icky.

Chestnuts roasted by KittyToast @ 05/26/2004 12:24 PM EST

I'm only posting because King made me. I like fuzzy kitties. Oh and Sean it's cool to see that I am not the only Calgarian. Go Flames Go.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 05/26/2004 12:26 PM EST

That Etch-a-Sketch disturbs me. It looks like the ears move...BUT WHAT DO THEY DO?!?!?!?!

Chestnuts roasted by Seth Christenfeld @ 05/26/2004 12:28 PM EST

I haven't seen Shrek 2 yet. I'm waiting for all the little kids to see it so I'm not stuck in a theater with hundreds of stinky kids and their parents. So maybe I'll see it by the end of next year.

Operation always scared me as a kid. I finally got my dad to take out the battery that makes the buzzer go so I wouldn't freak out and throw the board every time the tweezers hit the edge. I had poor cordination as a child.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 05/26/2004 01:35 PM EST

i saw Shrek 2 last night. it wasnt terrible, I liked it. However that dentist thing has officially forced me to question the existence of god.

Chestnuts roasted by julia badtouch @ 05/26/2004 03:21 PM EST

Hey gang! Guess what I got in my box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch today? Not one, but TWO Shrek watches! And...THEY GLOW IN DA DARK! IN THE DARK I TELL YOU!!! Whoo! oh yeah...uh-huh...it's my'h birt-dey....shake muh booteh! whoop-whoop! <----(idiot)

Chestnuts roasted by donkey turds @ 05/26/2004 03:22 PM EST

I'm just glad I'm not the only one that finally couldn't play Operation anymore due to fear of the buzzer. Shot my nerves all to hell and destroyed my dreams of becoming a surgeon.

Chestnuts roasted by Orin @ 05/26/2004 03:39 PM EST

Holy crap. Did you see the Shreks coming out of the roof of Burger Kings? I've seen three!

Chestnuts roasted by rtjrj @ 05/26/2004 04:09 PM EST

I'm going to see the movie this evening. The first one reminded me of a cross between Fractured Fairy Tales and one of my favorite stories, "The Practical Princess," then I found out the original book was along the same lines. Read T.P.P. or "Petronella" by the same author (I forget the name), very traditional-type fairy tales with strong female leads and good twists that are not for the sake of twistyness. I also liked "AlfTales." "Princess, there's this pea in your bed!" "EEEWWW!" "Not that kind!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/26/2004 04:39 PM EST

I'm eating my Shrek Kudos while laughing at this article. I wish I liked this movie, it'd be more fun. I'm still having nightmares about that buzzer. Good Grief.

Chestnuts roasted by G4L @ 05/26/2004 04:43 PM EST

Oh, and Matt, you missed (or I missed your coverage of) the Dial Soap commercial that spoofs Shrek co-star Cameron Diaz's run-in with spunk in Something about Mary.

Spunk jokes in a commercial for a kid's movie tie-in?!That's wrong

Chestnuts roasted by Ashayne @ 05/26/2004 06:08 PM EST

hey was there usually an insane dentist kit available from play-doh? i remember having a set up very similar to that when i was a kid, and i wonder if they brought back some old garbage just for the film. i can picture someone in the new product development sector for play-doh in a long forgotten storage room pulling a file from a rusty, dust covered cabinet from 1980 and squealing like he just won super millionaire...
or maybe you could always get them....
in any case i always find it amusing when the toy industry releases a "new" idea that i have a broken version of sitting in my attic...

Chestnuts roasted by cycoyuk @ 05/26/2004 06:29 PM EST

Shrek's a member of Al Qaida, pass it on.

Chestnuts roasted by Former A1C Pete @ 05/26/2004 06:34 PM EST

"The original versions technically don't exist," says Lucasfilm's Jim Ward, who is the project's executive producer. "(Lucas) wanted to represent the films as they exist in his mind, and that's the special-editions versions."

Lucas is a douchebag...Sorry I'm still bitching about this...

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/26/2004 06:48 PM EST

Yeah, we're getting most of this down in Southern New Jersey finally, too. I've always been terrible at "Operation" - I could never get anything out without setting off the damn buzzer, I don't have good enough hand-eye coordination - but my sisters and I spent many a happy hour creating stuff with Play Doh that was almost as odd as a toothless Shrek.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 05/26/2004 09:37 PM EST

I am back from my self-imposed break from X-E. It seems I have missed the Bitner anniversary, and actual spam; not to be confused with my reference links that may look like spam.

Here is an interesting interview with Ralph Bakshi: http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/518/518805p1.html www.imdb.com/name/nm0000835/

I am not a fan of his work, but Matt should find the info about the original version of "Cool World", and the infamous "Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures" interesting. I think we all need an X-E review of Mighty Mouse sniffing flowers. www.imdb.com/title/tt0161170/

http://www.mediacoalition.org/reports/wildmon.html
"During the battle over 'The Last Temptation of Christ,' Wildmon claimed victory in another controversy when the creator of the 'Mighty Mouse' cartoon agreed to cut 3 1/2 seconds of an episode that Wildmon had protested. The creator, Ralph Bakshi, had fallen under suspicion because of his role in making an X-rated animated feature, 'Fritz the Cat.' However, Bakshi had also won an award for 'Mighty Mouse' from Action for Children’s Television. In the disputed episode, Wildmon charged Bakshi with portraying Mighty Mouse as experiencing drug-induced exhilaration after inhaling the petals of a flower. Mighty Mouse had sniffed cocaine, Wildmon contended. Bakshi defended his cartoon, insisting that Wildmon had interpreted the scene out of context. However, Bakshi said he was removing the scene because of his concern that the controversy might lead children to believe that what Wildmon was saying was true. Wildmon interpreted the cut differently. 'This is a de facto admission that indeed Mighty Mouse was snorting cocaine,' Wildmon said. "We have been vindicated.'"

John "Ren & Stimpy" Kricfalusi disputed the charge: www.canoe.ca/TelevisionShowsR/renandstimpy.html
"'Ridiculous,' says Kricfalusi. 'That scene was so innocent. Especially when you consider that there was so many other things they could have gotten us on.'"

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 05/26/2004 10:49 PM EST

Ok so i did something a bit out of character for me. I bought something on E-bay. I just couldn't pass up that guy who floods the transformers sales with promises of bootleg devestators. I had to do it, and today I reaped the benefits of my weakness. I am now the proud owner of a cheaply made, Devestator, superion, bruticus, menasaur, and denfensor ghestalt teams. well menasaur has 2 guys from computron for some reason. Over all beisdes the fact that you can feel the difference in the weight of the plastic, they're pretty good. most of em have the right colors (devestator is purple and green as he should be) and they all stand on thier own, even pretty steady except for Superion who i could have sworn was a lot buffer than the gagly legged guy i got. over all i'm satified with my purchase as they were god awful cheap, and will contribute to the menagere of age inapropriate toys i have on my upper shelves.... man i need a girlfriend.

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 05/26/2004 10:52 PM EST

simply awesome

Chestnuts roasted by Scourge @ 05/26/2004 10:58 PM EST

I was in Target today, and I saw the weirdest-ass thing today that made me think of you immediately, Matt.
Shrek is now a thrasher. I walked by a display case for Shrek Skateboards and those scooter things. They weren't even good skateboards. They were the ones that you had as a kid. Huge, heavy and completely incapable of doing an ollie unless you wanna smash the HELL out of your knees with twenty-pounds of wood and thirty pounds of thick, thick plastic wheels.
Mmmmmm...okay. Advertising gone to far. My brain hurts a little more today.

Chestnuts roasted by RWP @ 05/26/2004 11:00 PM EST

Yeah... im poster #47. Surprisingly enough... I haven't seen this shrek shit out here yet (Denver)... save for the occaisional pepsi box. Oh well. Spiderman 2 hasn't let me down.. the commercials are on 24/7

Chestnuts roasted by ArcticOrange @ 05/26/2004 11:48 PM EST

I meant poster #62 and 63 including this post.

DER!

Chestnuts roasted by ArcticORange @ 05/26/2004 11:49 PM EST

I checked the small grocery section at my neighboor Target, and while Shrek certainly everywhere (Taco Shells! Why, dear god, why) Spiderman is starting to catch-up, there was already the fruit snacks and the breakfast cearal, but he's made it onto some items Shrek hasn't (or hadn't) such as Cheese-Its.
And Shrek doesn't have his own line of Lego sets.

(I was surprised to find that Goldfish has decided to go with Garfield for its summer cross-promotion. Boy does that movie look terrible)

Chestnuts roasted by Emperor_Zorak @ 05/27/2004 01:02 AM EST

Not Shrek but very green: We (my squeeze and I) wanted to know the fate of green ketchup. Appearantly she had the unique experience of Meatloaf blessed by this wonder substance. Anybody?

jbergesq@hotmail.com

Chestnuts roasted by J Berg Esq. @ 05/27/2004 01:35 AM EST

Not Shrek but very green: We (my squeeze and I) wanted to know the fate of green ketchup. Appearantly she had the unique experience of Meatloaf blessed by this wonder substance. Anybody?

jbergesq@hotmail.com

Chestnuts roasted by J Berg Esq. @ 05/27/2004 01:35 AM EST

There is a GIANT Shrek on top of my local Burger King.

Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 05/27/2004 03:35 AM EST

WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS ON "OPERATION SHREK'S" UNNAPANCE?

CRABS?

Chestnuts roasted by Kraftwerk @ 05/27/2004 07:32 AM EST

I was always afraid of operation when i was a kid. that buzzer freaked me out man. gave me the gibblies. Also, i agree, George Lucas IS a douchebag.

Chestnuts roasted by zombone @ 05/27/2004 07:48 AM EST

Oh the pain, Shrek is down under, & he is advertising the STATE OF ORIGIN. (For those of you unfamiliar with this it is the biggest rugby league game of the year between Queensland & New South Wales). And here was me thinking us Australians were missing out, oh well maybe thats the worst of it. . . . . . . .

Chestnuts roasted by Matchu @ 05/27/2004 07:51 AM EST

Has anyone else seen the SIerra Mist commercial with Shrek in it? I find it highly disturbing. They try to compare being frozen and DEAD in outer space is a good comparison to how refreshing Sierra Mist is. For those not familiar with the commercial its the one where SHrek, Fiona, and Donkey riding along in a carriage and naturally Donkey says something to piss off Shrek who tosses him into outer sapce thus freezing him (and killing him but they fail to mention that). Anyone else disturbed?

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/27/2004 10:56 AM EST

Getting flash-frozen in near absolute zero? Yeah, like it's like THAT!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/27/2004 11:32 AM EST

Y'know Matt, besides the comic book ads and Ralphie Goes to Hell, every article this month has been related to the color green. Although Ralphie's mother is wearing a green sweater.

Shrek I-IV: obviously green tie-in.
TMNT Pudding Pies: Green Pies
Mini-golf: Putting on 18 greens.

Thats a lot of green!

Chestnuts roasted by mutton72 @ 05/27/2004 12:01 PM EST

I think it's symbolic of how much money I don't have.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/27/2004 12:11 PM EST

By the by, pretty good movie. Was nearly undermined by the ads dropping the punchlines. Mongo rules! "Be good," indeed.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/27/2004 12:17 PM EST

That Shrek Play-Doh thingy looks like it could give a kid nightmares. I know i'll proboly have some.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 05/27/2004 12:33 PM EST

Oh, I forgot to mention. I saw Shrek himself at Borders. (book store)guy in a big, scary Shrek costume. It's a good thing that costume covers the face because I would NOT want anyone I know to see me in that costume.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 05/27/2004 12:36 PM EST

Aaactually, kingklash... (WARNING! WARNING! GEEK OUT MOMENT AHEAD! GEEK OUT MOMENT AHEAD!)

Space isn't cold. It's not "near absolute zero," as you claim. Why? Because space is pretty much empty. In order for their to be heat, their must be atoms, for heat is caused by the vibrations of atoms and molecules. However, since space is mostly empty(not a pure vacuum since that's pretty much impossible), it cannot have any temperature at all. However, because it's empty, the energy that makes molecules vibrate can be transfered very readily out into it, making anything that isn't properly insulated freeze almost instantly. But space itself is not cold. Ya?

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 05/27/2004 12:39 PM EST

To continue with Freezair's comments, Donkey would be in a dire situation on his way to space. In order to exit Earth's atmosphere, Donkey would have to travel through numerous layers of the atmosphere, in which he would either freeze or boil, until he reaches the thermosphere (upper portion of ionosphere) where violently vibrating ions would incinerate him instantly. It would only be Donkey's oxidized molecular remains that would experience the Sierra-like chill of space.

Yeah, it's kinda like that...

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/27/2004 01:53 PM EST

heh. And Little Brother calls me a Science Geek. One of my favorite Asimov stories is "Marooned Off Vespa" which had a great description of boiling water freezing as it left its holding tank. All things considered, I like the idea of Donkey smacking the ground like a chunk of frozen poo off a high altitude airliner. Given the apparent height of his re-entry, that's one hell of a crater. On a side note, continuing my facetious premise, since all movement stops at Ab-Zero, something would have went poof either as a total dis-intergration, or collapse causing very dire consequences to any nearby objects. But lets leave facts at the door along with our brains. Enjoy tha' movie.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/27/2004 02:22 PM EST

That's "Vesta." I have FLCL on the brain today.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/27/2004 02:24 PM EST

I was at Shopper's Drug Mart here in Fredericton, New Brunswick and I saw SHREK ENERGY/DIET BARS. I know when I go to the gym I think of Shrek for inspiration. I think having a big fat ogre promoting healthy diet bars kinda defeats the purpose....but still, I guess "adults" need their Shrek promotions, too!

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 05/27/2004 03:25 PM EST

all this shrek mania has gotten to my nephew. he is shrek crazy, wants everything with shrek on it. he freaks out when we go to the grocery store. hey kingklash do you understand FLCL, cause i love the cartoon but it does not make sense to me.

Chestnuts roasted by redslurpee @ 05/27/2004 06:19 PM EST

No more Shrek Matt. Please! Enough is enough!

Chestnuts roasted by GIllespee @ 05/27/2004 06:44 PM EST

Hey I already said, this was the last X-E Shrekkin.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/27/2004 06:46 PM EST

Hey, Matt, How about covering the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban items coming to stores? I saw the coloring and poster books at Hannaford today!

Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 05/27/2004 07:34 PM EST

Matt, did you ever bake those Shrek cookies? Any chance we could get an article out of it--like have Skeletor try to make Shrek cookies?

Chestnuts roasted by Luap @ 05/27/2004 10:00 PM EST

Luap -- Gilesspe said I can't write about Shrek no more no more.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/27/2004 10:02 PM EST

But Matt, It would be about Shrek Cookies... and Skeletor, not just Shrek. And maybe if we say pretty please... you could add in a chia pet.

Chestnuts roasted by Destro's Love Child @ 05/28/2004 12:29 AM EST

I can't beleive that it's possible to give Sponge Bob a run for his money in the Good ole US of A marketing department.

How many times have you all been haunted by those Sponge Bob boxers when you walk through wallmart. *shivers* It's as if the eyes follow me whilst I walk.

Chestnuts roasted by Novaximus @ 05/28/2004 12:42 AM EST

What's next?

Shrekus Maximus?

Shrekius Ceasar?

Shrek Dubbaya Bush?

I have sure I've lost my childhood somewhere in all this Shrek crap.

*Is still on quest for final store sold bottle of Pepsi Blue*

Chestnuts roasted by Troy @ 05/28/2004 09:49 AM EST

FLCL is about itself. Best description I read said that its' okay if you can't understand it by your second viewing. Or, even tenth viewing. It is supposed to be about the confusion of adolescence, but that may be a rumor.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/28/2004 11:53 AM EST

Okay people, break out your pencils, it's learning time!

Freezaire and Nachokhaki have some good points, but if Donkey were to survive his journey into space, he would not freeze instantly. Let's say he stepped out of the airlock: According to movie legend, he would turn into a Donkey cube or his head would explode or some such nonsense.

If Donkey doesn't try to hold his breath, exposure to space for half a minute or so is unlikely to produce permanent injury. Holding his breath would likely damage his lungs, something scuba divers have to watch out for when ascending, and he would have eardrum trouble if his Eustachian tubes are badly plugged up, but theory predicts -- and animal experiments confirm -- that otherwise, exposure to vacuum causes no immediate injury.
You do not explode. Your blood does not boil. You do not freeze. You do not instantly lose consciousness.

Various minor problems (sunburn, possibly "the bends", certainly some [mild, reversible, painless] swelling of skin and underlying tissue) start after ten seconds or so. At some point you lose consciousness from lack of oxygen. Injuries accumulate. After perhaps one or two minutes, you're dying. The limits are not really known.

You do not explode and your blood does not boil because of the containing effect of your skin and circulatory system. You do not instantly freeze because, although the space environment is typically very cold, heat does not transfer away from a body quickly. Loss of consciousness occurs only after the body has depleted the supply of oxygen in the blood.
What Donkey does need to worry about, is putting on his Sunblock SPF 2000, because if his skin is exposed to direct sunlight without any protection from its intense ultraviolet radiation, he can get a very bad sunburn.
ANother thing Donkey will probably notice as he opens his mouth in space, is the saliva on his tongue boiling away!

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 05/28/2004 12:13 PM EST

My question is how do you make non connected lines on an Etcha Sketch?

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 05/28/2004 12:15 PM EST

2001: A Space Odessy is a great movie for some accurate unprotected space scenes. The airlock sequence is a favorite.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/28/2004 01:04 PM EST

2001: A Space Odyssey is a great movie period.

Chestnuts roasted by a piece of milk @ 05/28/2004 03:35 PM EST

Well.....i succumbed. I saw 'Shrek 2' last night at the latest possible show. I got the Shrek 2 popcorn combo that came with a Shrek 2 bag of fruit snacks (must be getting rid of some of the billions of extras). It was actually pretty funny! (some nice jokes just for the adults). A little cheesy in the beginning (ok- a LOT cheesy) and an abrupt ending (its a SHORT movie- maybe not even the hour and 1/2) but stick with it and there are enough laughs for me to recommend it.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 05/28/2004 03:50 PM EST

Well, they greenlighted two more sequels. I want a Hope and Crosby type of movie with Donkey and Puss. In Boots. What the hell, put Donkey in boots, too. Put 'em all in boots, let God sort 'em out.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklalsh @ 05/28/2004 04:36 PM EST

That was odd. Key was stuck or somesuch. Anyway, click me for Little Brother's Blogspot thingamajigger. He likes monkeys.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/28/2004 04:40 PM EST

I don't mind FLCL. I'm glad it's so short, though. Couldn't take too much of that.
It is, however, "Vespa" with a "p."
It's Italian for "Wasp," as the manufacturer is Italian. I'm pretty sure they call it that in the dub anyways.

Chestnuts roasted by Spike Spiegel @ 05/28/2004 06:27 PM EST

hehe, Shrek promoting Preparation H...I can see it now...

Shrek: What's wrong Donkey?

Donkey: My hemmorhoids are KILLIN ME!

Shrek: DOn't worry, this should do the trick...

Donkey: AHHhhhhhh...thanks shrek!!!

Tagline: Use Preparation H when your "ass" is in a world of pain!!!

hehe, perhaps it could turn your asshole green like those cheetos...

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/28/2004 06:54 PM EST

Yeah, to repeat Ashayne. I just saw the dial commercial on t.v.

I noticed the green marketing turd all over the place several weeks ago, And I'm just glad you've got a kicking website and enough gumption to write an article about it.

And now time for a prediction on the next marketing line Shrek douches. There's some 'swampy smell' joke lost in there....

Chestnuts roasted by Jim @ 05/28/2004 08:44 PM EST

I just wanted to comment that when you search for "Bonkers candy" on Google, X-E is the top selection. But then again when ISN'T X-E the first selection anyways?

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 05/28/2004 08:58 PM EST

kidneyboy's post reminds me...

Giant ape juice, giant ape juice, giant ape juice, giant ape juice, giant ape juice...

Giant Shrek juice?

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 05/29/2004 12:05 AM EST

At the Burger King in my friend's town, they have a big huge Shrek baloon on the roof.

Chestnuts roasted by gonchar @ 05/29/2004 02:54 AM EST

I got a stack of Shrek postcards in a magazine, but I have nobody to send them to. First five people brave enough to post their addresses get postcards with Shrek and Fiona celebrating their honeymoon. I thought Shrek was pretty so-so, and I'm pretty over Mike Myers, but I'll probably end up seeing Shrek 2 since I'm an irredeemably obsessed Antonio fan. Anybody ever see "Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!" ?

I love the yellow guy to death, but even I shudder to imagine what kind of products we'll see when Spongebob makes his big screen foray. He's already worth $800 mil in licensing; it would seem that cow's been milked, but those marketing guys are pretty clever. I haven't seen any Spongebob dentisty toys yet...

Matt, I sent you an email a few weeks ago too, but I'm thinking you didn't get it. Shall I send it again?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/29/2004 04:01 AM EST

I saw Shrek 2 pet toys and dog collars at Target the other day.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragon @ 05/29/2004 04:06 AM EST

Vespa = scooter.
Vesta = small moon with very little gavity, which was very important for the last three survivors of a spaceship accident. "Marooned Off Vesta" and its literal decades later sequel "Anniversary" are two of Asimov's best short stories. As The Human Ton's little friend Handy would scream, "Read A Book!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/29/2004 02:41 PM EST

I wish I was cool...

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/29/2004 04:07 PM EST

Did anyone ever watch The State? I wish they would release the series on DVD.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/29/2004 04:12 PM EST

MATT, I was wondering if you could put the download back up for the Star Wars Muppet Show Episode. The link no longer works and I don't have a copy.

Chestnuts roasted by Emperor's Royal Guard @ 05/29/2004 04:38 PM EST

I saw "the State" many times phunqsauce. You probably already know this but a lot of the cast is now on Reno 911.

I may have seen it, but I didn't particularily like it. There was one pretty damn funny skit where everyone acted like automobiles, but the rest was pretty damn forgetable.

Chestnuts roasted by gonchar @ 05/30/2004 02:00 AM EST

I now own my own Shrek crap. I have a Puus-in-Boots doll and when you squeeze his tummy he says "Puss... in boots!" I love him.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 05/30/2004 02:03 AM EST

The State rules! :-)

Has anybody seen the Stella DVD (what they did after the State) It's just as funny if not funnier...I advise you to check it out.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill Cosby's Sweater @ 05/30/2004 03:16 AM EST

at the burgerking next to my house they have one of those giant sheck infalatables on the roof but its deflated wich got me thinkin that shreck could do some viagra commercials with bob dole and rafel palmero

Chestnuts roasted by dr mindbender in a speedo @ 05/30/2004 09:19 AM EST

Still haven't seen any Shrek Crap here in Australia yet. We in Victoria know nothing of State of Origin.

I'm dissapointed.

*goes back to Hulk Slurpees and quest for Pepsi Blue*

Chestnuts roasted by Troy @ 05/30/2004 11:43 AM EST

I'm waiting for "Otto Octavius' Old-Fashioned Homestyle Calamari."

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/30/2004 02:02 PM EST

Boy! A kick and a half you get with this website. ;-S

Chestnuts roasted by Mar100ia @ 05/30/2004 02:23 PM EST

Matt... u there dood? hope ya havent had some sort of freak accidnet or something ..... later

Chestnuts roasted by Graves @ 05/30/2004 04:15 PM EST

No new articles...I may be going through X-E withdrawl.

Chestnuts roasted by go go go go go go go go go GO BOT! @ 05/30/2004 04:27 PM EST

By the way, yes I have seen Reno 911 and its pretty good most of the time. It isn't as godawful and Viva Variety was. Haven't seen Stella yet. Michael Ian Black had some hilarious stuff on those VH-1 I Love the 80's shows. I even got to see the one and only episode of The State NOT shown on MTV which was their Halloween episode on CBS that probably nobody saw. I guess apparently they were going to continue the series on CBS but CBS screwed them over somehow. I'm bored...

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/30/2004 07:11 PM EST

Well I guess I answered my own question. I just read on the State's official site that they are almost done with the DVD collection..http://www.the-state.com

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/30/2004 07:51 PM EST

Is Shrek wearing Spider-Man boxers in the Operation game? That totally looks like the logo on Spidey's back.
Marketing synergy in the toy aisels, my friends, look out.

Chestnuts roasted by Logan @ 05/30/2004 08:12 PM EST

How to make the film version of ectoplasm:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/2976/ghostrevisited1.html
"For the slime corridor--and most of the live-action scenes as well-the ectoplasmic ooze was made from the same ingredients employed in the first film. Central to the formula was methocel--a thickening agent marketed by Dow Chemical--mixed with water and nontoxic food coloring. To create even more viscosity when needed, a supplemental thickener called separan was added. 'The usual formula to create thirty-two gallons of slime,' Chuck Gaspar explained, 'was about eight cups of methocel to four-and-a-half cups of separan. Then we would add about fifty cc's of red food coloring and thirty-two gallons of water. You could actually eat the stuff. It would not have any taste, but you could eat it. The grade of methocel used is also used in pie thickeners and salad dressings.'"

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 05/31/2004 05:31 AM EST

no new article but a new title.

Chestnuts roasted by the george @ 05/31/2004 12:52 PM EST

Yeah, been a busy week. (really) Will hopefully explain later. Hopefully with good news.

But a new article is on deck, probably for late Tues or Weds morn.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/31/2004 12:56 PM EST

Hey Matt, I just discovered your site last week and I think Ive read every damn article linked from the main page. Keep up the good work!

Chestnuts roasted by pulseczar @ 05/31/2004 02:25 PM EST

Whatever happened to Captain OJ Readmore? I tried looking stuff up on that cat and only found links to posts asking the same question. I'm wondering who came up with the idea of having a cat dressed as a sea captain pushing books into a child's life. I can still hear that silly jingle...
I'm Captain OJ Readmore,
I'm a reading kind of cat,
So stick with me and you'll agree
That reading....Is where its at!
For those who watched cartoons on ABC in the 80's would know what i'm talkin about. Perhaps Matt has one of those spots in his archive of 80's cartoons?

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/31/2004 02:56 PM EST

I remember OG Readmore's commercials and specials. Here is the puppet version that I don't remember: http://www.thepuppetstudio.com/OGpage.html

Invader Zim DVD review:
http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/read.php?ID=10888

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 05/31/2004 03:17 PM EST

If I wasn't so retarded i would've rememebered it was OG, like Ice-T, original gangsta and now investigator on law and order:SVU. anyways this link rocks because not only does it have the OG himself but the fact that cartoon voice legend Frank Welker provided the voice
http://www.mkbmemorial.com/FWHp/fwhp_wavfiles.htm

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/31/2004 03:43 PM EST

Oh man, just can't get enough of Frank Welker: CARTOON GOD
http://listen.to/frankwelker

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/31/2004 03:47 PM EST

WANNA BE A VOICE STAR LIKE FRANK WELKER??? This is where the dream begins.....
VoiceStarz.com

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/31/2004 03:50 PM EST

I just wanted to say that I am now giving weggies in Room 145. Please stop by if you have time. Otherwise, you can see my recorded weggies at 5:00 every night Central time in Mizer Auditorium.

Chestnuts roasted by Mehodo Dow @ 05/31/2004 04:59 PM EST

Not totally Shrek related, but. . . when I went to the movies the other day to go see TROY (which was phenominal), I happened to meander through the millions of ankle-biters and their parents who were infuriated by the fact that almost every Shrek 2 movie playing that day was basically sold out, I stumbled across an original Simpsons arcade game for only .25C!!! While wading through the little annoying little tykes who couldn't suppress the feeling that they couldn't see the damn jolly green guy (Shrek) I played until my hands were sore and my movie was to start. My date was so cool about the whole thing, she got the hankering after the movie to play some more Simpsons. Good night (besides the kids)!

The panic, the vomit.
The panic, the vomit.
God loves his children. . .

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 05/31/2004 10:48 PM EST

Yeah just a few more hours till a new article comes out... oh and im not really matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/01/2004 04:44 AM EST

weird.. anybody could be matt.. it might not even be matt.. see im mike from denver.. matt! where are you? are you safe/ok??? i hope so.. we need another article.

Chestnuts roasted by matt @ 06/01/2004 04:45 AM EST

Matt...who's Matt...there's nobody here named Matt. These are not the "Matts" your looking for.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/01/2004 10:09 AM EST

Lets not forget the ultimate sell-out, the Playstation 2 Shrek 2 controller. Yours free with the purchase of the Shrek 2 video game.

I will say this about the game. I played the demo at Biggs last week, and you only control one guy, but the three other characters are running around with you, including Donkey, the Princess and I belive the Gingerbread man. The game gives you full permission to beat the shit out of any of them as well. Any game that lets me beat the shit out of "Donkey" Eddie Murphy is alright by me.

Chestnuts roasted by Hypnotix @ 06/01/2004 10:17 AM EST

Matt... Strange visitor from another mother. Matt... With powers and abilities juuust above normal male and female posters. Matt... Who can change the course of his mighty underwear, bend twist ties with his bare hands. And who, disguised as a mild-mannered webmaster of a great 80's pop-culture website, fghts a never starting battle for beer, women, and the conclusion of the *@%?$*%!*?*@!#$ chia plot!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/01/2004 11:40 AM EST

im confused now .... where iz da MATT?!?!?!?!?! who is this imposter matt? grrrrrr.......

Chestnuts roasted by Graves @ 06/01/2004 05:42 PM EST

im the imposter matt... mike from denver.. do not fear... I was merely testing to see if i could post as him.. I do hope the real Matt is ok.. cause I love his website.

Chestnuts roasted by matt/Mike @ 06/01/2004 07:46 PM EST

Ahhh the Simpsons arcade game. How I wasted a years worth of pocket money just to finish that game.

And Super Sidekicks 2. That game ruled all.

I go to Luna Park here in Australia just to find all those games. It still has the Original Star Trek Pinball game from the 60's.....for 10 cents.....at least once upon a time. I love all those old games.

What this has to do with Shrek Crap I have no idea but I'm sure if you give me a few days I can come up with one.

Chestnuts roasted by Troy @ 06/01/2004 08:25 PM EST

BUY SHREK CRAP!!! SUPPORT THE WORLDWIDE DOMINATION!

...or not...Just waiting for a new article or blog entry

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/02/2004 04:08 AM EST

I stole the T.V.

Chestnuts roasted by JerryBlank @ 06/02/2004 08:36 AM EST

Why did Jonathan Brandis have to commit suicide??? JB FOREVER!

Chestnuts roasted by BettieBoo @ 06/02/2004 08:38 AM EST

As the box of the Play-Doh kit states, Mr. Shrek's crapping bug is supposed to be used as toothpaste. As Shrek is an ogre with questionable hygene habits (a Dial soap dispenser is shaped to make it appear as if he is squirting the soap out of his ear), bug-excrement on his teeth wouldn't be out of the ordinary for him.

Very funny article. And I would definitely buy a Shrek smoke alarm. "Donkey, is it smoky in here" indeed.

Chestnuts roasted by R. W. Mead @ 06/02/2004 12:42 PM EST

I can't believe they're coming out with another Chucky movie. This time it's "The Seed of Chucky." I know these movies are supposed to be horror flicks, but man they are funny!!!

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 06/02/2004 02:22 PM EST

Oh where
Oh where
Has the Chia Plot gone?
Oh where
Oh where can it be?
Oh where
Oh where
Have the new articles and Blog entries have gone?
Oh where
Oh where can they be?!

Wasn't born hustlaz, I was burpin' em!

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 06/02/2004 03:21 PM EST

You'd think, after all this time, ol' Chuck might have kinked the factory to make the ultimate body to house his restless sprit. Worked for Zero Cochrane. (Ghost Rider 2099)

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/02/2004 03:23 PM EST

Wow....perhap Matt died or something...

Chestnuts roasted by Pablo @ 06/02/2004 03:28 PM EST

Wow....perhaps Matt died or something...

Chestnuts roasted by Pablo @ 06/02/2004 03:28 PM EST

Nah, not dead, just very busy. Writing a new article now though.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/02/2004 03:29 PM EST

man, I was beginning to suppose the worst....that matt had decided he didn't like these pop culture regected tributes. then robbed a bank, stole a helicopter and was now trying to do that thing that kathrine zeta jones does in entrapment w/ the lazers n' stuff....scary.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 06/02/2004 03:33 PM EST

EVERYONE HAS TO GO SEE SHREK 2!!!!!
IT IS SO FUNNY!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Racheal @ 06/02/2004 04:22 PM EST

YAYYYYYY!!!! Matt's not dead ..... or something .......

Chestnuts roasted by Graves @ 06/02/2004 04:26 PM EST

Yay !

Chestnuts roasted by Pablo @ 06/02/2004 04:38 PM EST

Yippie-skippy! Now I won't have to start a Matt-based religion with Killer Duck as our high priestess and Gabby as our snack coodinator. I would be in charge of Full-Contact Tic-Tac-Toe.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/02/2004 05:41 PM EST

I just got a letter today, and it had a custom postmark on it with Shrek's face, and the words, "From Far, Far Away" on it. Freaky...

Chestnuts roasted by Tally @ 06/03/2004 12:39 AM EST

Is "Ogre Finale" a pun? I could swear it is, but for the life of me I can't think of what it could be based on.

Chestnuts roasted by Ineptitude @ 06/03/2004 04:01 PM EST

Check my homepage link for pictures of all the Shrek crap I have seen.

Chestnuts roasted by Kit @ 06/05/2004 01:03 PM EST

Was laughing through most of Shrek Volumes 1-3 and then found 4. . .very humurous-have bookmarked your page to read some other non-ogre-related stuff later.

Chestnuts roasted by mushie @ 06/06/2004 10:18 PM EST

Man, the point of putting Shrek on everything was to advertise Shrek, and get you to buy more stuff. Well, you have probably bought tons of Shrek stuff and make Shrek, Inc. a well funded company.

Chestnuts roasted by Wilma @ 06/07/2004 06:19 PM EST

we have a shrek talking cookie jar at work...you can fit about 3 1/2 oreos inside.

Chestnuts roasted by kyle c @ 06/13/2004 02:05 AM EST

too bad this is your last installment, i recently photographed an enourmous inflatable shrek taking over our local Burger King. im pretty sure the bigger-than-life ogre would have scared away any children that the marketing execs wanted to lure in. it even scared me alittle. he was huge

im not sure why they had a shrek at a burger king. maybe to promote the new green colored whoppers? who knows.

you can see my pic here:

Shrek

Chestnuts roasted by Donkey @ 06/15/2004 03:50 PM EST

Yeah, our nearest Burger King has that inflatable Shrek on the roof as well. It's quite annoying and insanely recognizable. Sort of like walking through the halls at school and having one randomly dressed person come up and kick you in the fact just to get you to notice them.

Shrek is unbelievably overrated; I just have to be honest with my opinion on that. The first movie was alright the first time. After the second time and the counless times after that, along with the quotes I was hearing in school, I no longer had any interest what-so-ever. Same with the whole Spongebob thing. Anyway, I didn't bother seeing the second movie. My family left me to go see it, but they came back a few minutes later after finding out it was all sold out.

You know, maybe I'll see it in a month or something. After everyone else is done having orgasms over it.

Chestnuts roasted by Bloodshed Goth @ 06/15/2004 11:58 PM EST

This is so funny. I thought I was the only person who noticed the amount of Shrek stuff everywhere. I told my best friend that the next thing out would be Shrek maxi-pads with new, green absorbant center.

Chestnuts roasted by woodisgoodcdl @ 06/18/2004 03:20 PM EST

Any links to the Muppets Star Wars episode download? And the Star Wars Holiday special download?

Chestnuts roasted by Jedi @ 09/22/2004 04:00 AM EST