Our story begins at Baskin Robbins. Much like the ice cream champions did for the X-Men sequel, Shrek 2 now has an official flavor -- albeit for a limited time. Actually, Shrek's nailed himself at least three or four flavors, just about taking over the entire chain with strange fruity combos nobody over six years old would ever want to order...
The staff of this particular BR was more than happy to let me snap pictures of the backs of their heads as they feverishly whipped up cones and sundaes deserving of the name SHREK. Though there's several Shrekky flavors available, only one truly piqued my interest: an otherworldly beastly thing known as, drumroll, cymbals, 2001 music, wrath of God -- the Shrek Swirl.
Oh look, my lucky day. The Shrek Swirl was in Shrek Stock. Wait till you see this...
Okay, it's not as enormously ridiculous as the commercial suggests, but there's never been an ice cream flavor like this before. I'll let Baskin Robbins do the describing: "Green-colored grape sherbet and purple-colored green apple sherbet loaded with popping candy." Yup, sherbet with Pop Rocks colored ALL WRONG. Not saying this because you expect me to, but the stuff's pretty awful. There's no clear way to prepare for the taste of a Shrek Swirl, as even though I've tasted it, fuck me if I can tell you what those flavors were. Grape? Apple? No way, those would've been the last two things to come to mind. I hadn't read the description prior to my first taste, and was mighty surprised when shit started popping on my tongue. After having the situation explained, the surprise turned to delight. And then it turned to depression because, swear to God, they managed to give me the world's largest scoop of sherbet with the world's least generous portion of Pop Rocks in history. I counted six.
That's a Shrek Sundae. Pretty basic stuff -- vanilla, chocolate, broken Oreos, broken hearts. The addition of gummy worms was pleasant, if only for the reminder of how god damned awesome gummy worms are when frozen and somewhat wet. Try it sometime. I guarantee you'll propose to food.
Yeah, you can get a Puss In Boots Chocolate Mousse, too. You can have it all.
Aside from Princess Fiona's flavor -- some kind of pink swirly thing with a chocolate tiara -- there was this, a sundae with bananas representing Donkey's donkey ears.
I'm going to reprint that last paragraph. It's just not often that I get to throw those words together without some kind of error being involved.
Aside from Princess Fiona's flavor -- some kind of pink swirly thing with a chocolate tiara -- there was this, a sundae with bananas representing Donkey's donkey ears.
Interesting thing is, once you start reprinting ice cream paragraphs, it's tough to stop.
Aside from Princess Fiona's flavor -- some kind of pink swirly thing with a chocolate tiara -- there was this, a sundae with bananas representing Donkey's donkey ears.
But I will, because it's the right thing to do.
Aside from Princess Fiona's flavor -- some kind of pink swirly thing with a chocolate tiara -- there was this, a sundae with bananas representing Donkey's donkey ears.
Notice I didn't say when I'd stop.
"HOLY. MOTHER OF. GOD!"
See? It's green. Just like the box said it'd be. Boxes never lie.
There's also some kind of cookie baking kit from Betty Crocker. The included ingredients are generally typical, but they were sure to throw in a bag of cookie-topping gummy worms. Upon closer inspection, the frosting looks like creamier guacamole. Also stuffed inside: a coupon for half-off baking soda. I absolutely slid that shit in my wallet. We JUST ran out!
Shrek's new "Swampy M&Ms" and "Swampy Sour Skittles." The M&Ms are pretty interesting, arriving in all sorts of bland, negotiably swampy colors. Added bonuses include a proof of purchase cutout label and a picture of one of those M&M dudes mutated to look like Shrek. In life, it's all about the little things.
Astoundindedlyblah, this ain't even the half of it. There's still more Shrek 2 crap to come. I'll gather up the next dose when I have the chance, and file my report for your perusal as soon as possible. Figure like, seven months or so.
New article coming sometime today, stay tuned. It's kind of a stupid one, but I think I'll end up liking it a whole lot. Did I just jynx myself?
REPLIES: 71 comments
31 flavors rules!
Chestnuts roasted by G4L @ 05/06/2004 12:23 AM EST
First comment? I don't think I'll ever understand how otherwise good food always looks completely disgusting on this site.
Chestnuts roasted by KMC @ 05/06/2004 12:24 AM EST
I love how the Baskin-Robbins TV ads for the Shrek Swirl claim the flavor was "inspired by 'Shrek 2.'"
"Inspired by." What, did the magickal B-R ice cream chef get an advance screening before he concocted his grape/apple nightmare? Was he so moved, he just had to make that particular ice cream? What does that say about the movie?
Chestnuts roasted by SoulReaper @ 05/06/2004 12:26 AM EST
Mmmm. I missed out when they did the X-Men ice cream flavors, but I've totally got to get to Baskin Robbins to try some of these Shrek offerings. That sherbert-pop rock cone looked delicious...and who doesn't love an old-fashioned dirt 'n' mud cup? :D
Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 05/06/2004 12:41 AM EST
the boxes always lie. well they dont but the pictures do... i always wanted those fake bolders.
Chestnuts roasted by Jared @ 05/06/2004 12:57 AM EST
Matt, check out your local post office. Mine has Shrek 2 all over the damn place. Out of all of the promotional ties, one with the USPS just boggles the mind.
Chestnuts roasted by Jeremiah @ 05/06/2004 01:18 AM EST
Well, flavors "inspired by the Shrek 2 marketing burget" didn't fit on the poster.
Chestnuts roasted by Jack Hare @ 05/06/2004 02:23 AM EST
Speaking of promotional ties that boggle the mind...
I remember in Orchard Supply Hardware seeing an aisle end display for Master locks that prominently featured the Incredible Hulk.
Chestnuts roasted by Nick @ 05/06/2004 02:56 AM EST
I have the displeasure of working at a gas station that has a baskin robbins...the Shrek icecream is the most godawful stuff ever created. Fiona's flaver is just about as nasty (it's cotton candy blorf). The puss in boots stuff is good...course they just took world class choclate and added pretzels to it. Kids are stupid, and the X-Men Ice cream was SO much freakin tastier than the Shrek dreck. Oh and one last note..free scoop night is the work of satan himself, i actually have blood blisters and scars from it (worked it last and this year..people are insane when it comes to a free 2.oz scoop of ice cream.
Chestnuts roasted by BaskinRobbinsSlave @ 05/06/2004 03:11 AM EST
Kudos were huge when I was growing up, especially when they first came out and before they were afflicted by 'Koro' (search Google, Ok?). What is remarkable to me about them is not so much that they are still made but how much they have shrank since I ate them. They used to be around the 'normal' size of a granola bar...
Chestnuts roasted by Kit @ 05/06/2004 03:35 AM EST
p.s. Matt, the gas station by my complex is stocking Tiger Tails. Are you still on the hunt?
Chestnuts roasted by Kit @ 05/06/2004 03:36 AM EST
Jynx! I totally forgot about her. Crazy whore pokémon.
Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 05/06/2004 04:57 AM EST
Am I some kind of un-American terrorist Commie Nazi ogre because this is the first I've heard of Shrek 2?
Seriously, I don't watch network TV, don't listen to corporate radio, and avoid anything on the Web (besides X-E, Gamespot, and my blog) preferring instead to play emulated NES games and/or my PlayStation2.
Am I a bad person?
Chestnuts roasted by Monster Dog @ 05/06/2004 05:03 AM EST
"Moichendising! Moichendiing! Where the real money from the movie is made! Shrek the Coloring Book! Shrek the Fruit Snacks! Shrek the Flamethrower! Kids love THAT one!"
Ahh, so M+Ms is doing another wierd promotion where they temporarily change their colors? Ahh, oh well. On the bright side, the Swampy M+Ms look less depressing than those Strong Sad grey and white M+Ms (or that whole "Find the M+Ms' colors!" promotion a few months back).
Chestnuts roasted by The Dragon @ 05/06/2004 06:34 AM EST
Incredible Hulk padlocks in a hardware store? Who the heck are they marketing to?
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/06/2004 07:01 AM EST
I first found out about Shrek 2 when I saw an ad for the ice cream. NOT THE MOVIE. JUST THE ICE CREAM. When you find out about a movie from its ice cream, that's where I draw the line.
Chestnuts roasted by DeathFrogurt @ 05/06/2004 07:02 AM EST
Hulk padlocks are for school lockers. All the cool kids have them.
Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 05/06/2004 08:58 AM EST
The asininity of it all drives me insane! Sour apple-colored grape sherbert and grape-colored sour apple sherbert?!?!
Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/06/2004 10:09 AM EST
Nice use of a Pokemon at the end of an article, Matt.
And those Waffle sticks look absolutely horrendous. Ughh...
I think I'm going to be sick...
Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 05/06/2004 10:58 AM EST
I dunno..those waffle sticks look kind of appealing. perhaps it's becuase I'm starving. perhaps it's the green swamp syrup (HOLY. MOTHER OF. GOD!). It's just all very nice.
Chestnuts roasted by Whirred @ 05/06/2004 11:05 AM EST
I am SO sure I saw a commercial for the Shrek Gogurt that referred to the Donkey version as "Donkey Strawberry Punch", like that were completly unaware of how close they wre to "donkey punch"...
Chestnuts roasted by Gaambit @ 05/06/2004 11:16 AM EST
Matt, what was to the right of the Shrek cookies?
Mer-Man?
Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 05/06/2004 11:44 AM EST
Time to check my Dorke'-Dex.....
*blap* "Jynx: the Whore pokemon. Wow! Look at those lips! I hear she can suck a monkey through a garden hose. Bet that hair was meant for grabbin'...." (kingklash shreiks in disgust and flings the Dorke'-Dex against the wall for the umpteenth time since he found it on his doorstep last lunar eclipse) *blap* "ThaAT DidN'T HUrt." *blap*
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/06/2004 12:08 PM EST
I work at a movie theatre and as much as I want to see Shrek 2 I really dread the day when it comes out. There will be so goddamn many bratty children running around and screaming and running into me while I try to bring change to the tills. If people are going to reproduce they need to learn how to control the little bastards. I never ran around screaming in public when I was a kid, I was afraid my parents would spank me. Sorry about the rant, but children are brats these days. ;)
Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 05/06/2004 12:58 PM EST
As long as they are continuing to over-promote Shrek-2, I thought of a few ideas for some wrong-direction promotions that maybe I'd like to see:
Shrek Wart Remover
Puss-in-Boots Tampon Applicators
Princess Fiona Feminine Hygeine Spray
Shrek Soap on a Rope
Donkey's Dildo
Yeah... that'd be funny.
Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 05/06/2004 01:24 PM EST
More crap...I just saw at 7-11 they have a Shrek Slurpee...I think it's Sierra Mist -based...
Chestnuts roasted by Gaambit @ 05/06/2004 02:11 PM EST
So I did a Google search on the Jynx pokemon (since I thought for sure it was a figment of Matt's imagination)... I read some mother's rant about Jynx being an intentional racial stereotype... I thought it was just Grimace in drag!
Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/06/2004 02:53 PM EST
Shrek is everywhere...I'm just hoping that the movie doesn't suck.
The first one was pretty good, and funny to boot. I'm hoping that the sequel will be able to continue what was done right in the first film, but I've got my doubts...
I guess I'll find out when I see it.
Chestnuts roasted by The ORIGINAL Paul @ 05/06/2004 02:53 PM EST
Yeah, it's just terrible how they they go and commercialize a nice wholesome multimillion-dollar summer blockbuster like that.
Chestnuts roasted by Jack Hare @ 05/06/2004 03:36 PM EST
Haha I just realized that the bag of chips I'm eating right now has Shrek on it... unfortunately the chips themselves are not green or anything like that, it's just a picture of Shrek pasted onto the bag for no apparent reason. :/
Chestnuts roasted by Vic E @ 05/06/2004 03:46 PM EST
Nothing beats that part in the first one when the gingerbread man spits in the king's face!
Chestnuts roasted by Goonie @ 05/06/2004 04:01 PM EST
I am SO glad I told the people of XE's blog the truth about 'Mac and Me'- that is was for REAL a big commercial for Coke and McDonalds- I KNEW you guys/gals would understand...I have finally found my people! *sniff* Plus, checking the blog I see that a few people have been asking for what I also want to see- a review of 'Mac and Me'!! .....holy shit, that rhymed and everything. :0)
Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 05/06/2004 04:04 PM EST
By the way, I just now tried those Sour Skittles. Holy crap, they weren't lying. Sour.
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/06/2004 04:14 PM EST
i didnt realy like them... hopefully they wont be around long.
Chestnuts roasted by jared @ 05/06/2004 04:19 PM EST
I like this site
Chestnuts roasted by jfh,.fh @ 05/06/2004 04:19 PM EST
Just checked in on the site of X-E blog celebrity, Rhett Creighton. http://web.mit.edu/~rhett/www/ His latest endeavor is a Pac Man playing robot.
Crispy Critters' Craig:
www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0725/index.html
www.x-entertainment.com/updates/entries/archives/00000071.html
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 05/06/2004 05:48 PM EST
Jynx! *That's* the Pokemon I forgot when I was trying to list the first 150 the other day! Damn me to hell!
Chestnuts roasted by Goz @ 05/06/2004 06:01 PM EST
okay I'm bored again
where's the new article?
Chestnuts roasted by jfh,.fh @ 05/06/2004 06:04 PM EST
Wouldn't the pop rocks in the Shrek sherbert pop from the moisture IN the sherbert? I can't help but imagine some poor kid going to take a lick and getting his/her eye blown out by exploding candy. I can't help it. It's hilarious. Give it a try.
Chestnuts roasted by Robotmonster @ 05/06/2004 06:52 PM EST
I'm a sherbert lover, so I'll probably like that Shrek Swirl stuff. Cotton Candy? Now there's a flavor that doesn't alway translate well, but it can occasionally be really good.
I wondered if you'd meant to spell "jinx" that way, Matt. Until the picture loaded. Heh heh heh. The only Pokčmon in the world to learn a move called--get this--Lovely Kiss. Well, except for Luvdisc. Who isn't much cooler.
Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 05/06/2004 07:21 PM EST
I just was a soap commercial (the line w/ the tag, "You're not as clean as you think".) Shrek pulls some nasty goop out of his ear. Donkey comes along, and a la There's Something About Mary, uses it as hair gel. The commericla didn't mention the movie specifically - it was all about the soap. Strange, that.
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/06/2004 07:57 PM EST
They actually sell a Shrek 2 soap dispenser. It's shaped like Shrek and liquid soap squirts out his ear.
Chestnuts roasted by Luap @ 05/06/2004 09:21 PM EST
My brother thinks Jynx is a cross dresser.
He might be right.
[My brother Karl Olson works at the site below.]
Chestnuts roasted by Mathew Olson @ 05/06/2004 09:22 PM EST
I can only hope to have a commercial campaign this big when I... ah, let's face it. Not gonna happen. I'm not a cartoon.
Or am I?
Chestnuts roasted by Orin @ 05/06/2004 10:15 PM EST
Man, I don't think even the M&Ms have even made it down here, and the closest Baskin Robbins is 45 minutes away in Atlantic City and probably closed for the season, anyway. Not that I'd order most of the Shrek stuff anyway (though Puss and Boots Chocolate Mousse sounds at least somewhat edible), but it would be nice to try something besides Dairy Queen and the local places.
Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 05/06/2004 11:21 PM EST
Starwenn: I passed BRob in AC. Iz open.
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/06/2004 11:26 PM EST
Gabbylicious: Amen to your comment on Kids. I only hope you can make it back to the blog safely after opening night.
DeathbyFrogurt: You're not alone. I didn't even know they were doing a sequel until I saw it in my local BR.
Chestnuts roasted by Lumberjack Matt @ 05/07/2004 04:40 AM EST
When I was very young (there he goes again) I used to get those comic books at Baskin Robbins with those weird kids Basky, Robin, and thier pet/aircraft, Pink Goose. Every issue a Fellini moment.
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/07/2004 11:37 AM EST
Hey, great article. It's got me looking at Shrek crap everywhere. I saw Shrek Gushers at the grocery store, which I can only imagine gush green crap everywhere.
Also, Shrek at the POST OFFICE! Yup, even the United States Government needs an advertising partner. I suggest you check it out. Donkey advertising the Priority rates.
Chestnuts roasted by Paige @ 05/07/2004 11:39 AM EST
I have a Jynx e-Card with a cartoon of her chasing down Pikachu and Elekid to lay a real smackdown on 'em.
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/07/2004 12:55 PM EST
No, you're cool and counterculture because it so happens that you haven't ever heard of one of the thousands of movies produced every year. Seriously, shut up about with your "I'm too cool and/or geeky for Television" ass. TV turn off week is OVER, we don't have to listen to you people for another year.
Chestnuts roasted by I only read my own blog @ 05/08/2004 12:48 AM EST
Kingklash... How DO you say "dirty rat" in Commanche? One day I shall have a list of insults in every language, so if I ever have to use a taxi, I will be prepared...
Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/08/2004 06:44 AM EST
Is anyone AWAKE OVER THERE? Dammit, probably not. *Sighs*.
Matt has still not shown us his scary hats. Or the articles he has promised.... I shall have to blaspheme modulok. He does worship it, you know. It's the only thing I know that *may* get a rise ;P
Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/08/2004 06:47 AM EST
Nope, Nada Nix Nothing :)
Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/08/2004 07:32 AM EST
Shrek 2 has finally drowned in its own hype....Why does Shrek have to make that same expression on every box?? Scary stuff.....
Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/08/2004 03:01 PM EST
On Saturdays I wander in to work (where I internet) around Noon. I really don't have to be here today, but it's a way to help the manager, who is my Ma. Starting on Memorial Day, the Gallery will be open Sunday afternoons for the summer until Labor Day.
As near as can fit written speech, the Comanche words are pronounced "Du'tsai Ka-hoo" with "D" like a sorta soft "T" and "K" sorta like the "G" in Gulp. If you ever want to learn a language that makes Klingon sound like a lullaby, pick a Native American tounge. I only know a few things in Kiowa and Comanche, Ma's side of the family. I would try Pop's side, Choctaw and Arapaho, but my head would probaly 'splode trying to keep even a few words straight. I have enough trouble with english. But I'm pretty sure you have heard a few wicked words where you are, eminentfreak.
Time to pimp the ol' workplace again. Click my name!
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/08/2004 04:28 PM EST
Matt, you talk about Sour Skittles as though it's the first time you've ever had them. Perhaps it is, I wouldn't know, but they've been around for at least half-a-decade, they just added "Swampy" to tie-in with the movie. Sour Skittles are great when you're in a certain taste mood, even more intense then Shock Tarts (which I also love). They're the only Skittles out of the Skittles canon I consume on a regular basis other than Wild Berry.
Even as an animation fan, I've always found Shrek overrated, like an overlong CG "Fractured Fairy Tales". It was an enjoyable enough way to kill two hours in an air conditioned cinema on a hot and pollen-infused late spring afternoon in 2001, don't get me wrong, but I didn't think it deserved to win the inaugural "Best Animated Feature" Oscar in 2002. I also, even as an anime fan, preferred Lilo & Stitch to Spirited Away (I find Hayao Miyazaki's earlier work to be... less pretentious), but that was just personal preference, even if I was judging the 2002 BAF nominees purely on artistic merit (the concept of which I also find to be pretentious), I still will never understand how Shrek beat Monsters, Inc.. Monsters, Inc. had "heart"l Shrek was just "clever".
Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 05/08/2004 07:19 PM EST
You completely left out the fact that the post office is now putting Shrek on postmarks. I saw it on a recent letter I recieved. I became very despondant.
Chestnuts roasted by Gymnopedie @ 05/08/2004 10:42 PM EST
I was in suncoast today and saw: Shrek Operation! It's the game operation with shrek as the patient!. looked pretty cool.
Chestnuts roasted by Chrizzle @ 05/09/2004 12:12 AM EST
LOL! They promoted Monsters Inc. (I think) with blue Dorito's a while back... and let me tell you my boyfriend freaked when his mouth turned blue, of course he didn't read the bag before hand
Chestnuts roasted by shannon @ 05/11/2004 12:16 PM EST
I think they need to do this for the movie "Sideways" coming out this Fall. I'd love to see Thomas Haden Church (the star) on bottles of soda, fruit snacks, cookies, having his own "inspired" Baskin Robbins flavor, Thomas Haden Church Waf-FULs with an imprint of himself, a Thomas-Haden-Church-baby-blue-eyes 7-11 slurpee, Thomas Haden Church Dolls with 7 phrases, A legal Thomas Haden Holiday, ect.
Good stuff.
Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 05/12/2004 09:01 PM EST
HEY SWEET ANIME OF POKEMON
Chestnuts roasted by Mr Hentai @ 05/13/2004 04:09 AM EST
Shrek's fat!
Chestnuts roasted by Val Aslanyan @ 05/17/2004 02:58 AM EST
GO TO MY WEBSITE>>>>>MORE FUNNY
Chestnuts roasted by durr @ 06/16/2004 12:59 AM EST
JYNX IS THE SEXIEST POKEMON OF ALL TIME!
Chestnuts roasted by Marcman @ 06/29/2004 10:37 PM EST
JYNX IS THE SEXIEST POKEMON OF ALL TIME!
Chestnuts roasted by Marcman @ 06/29/2004 10:37 PM EST
...am I the 1st to point out the SHREK MnMs?
They're the shiznit! everything except peanuts in the one bag - i'm a fLYING tALKING dONkye!
Chestnuts roasted by Batfreak (land down under) @ 08/27/2004 06:48 AM EST
I am all set to read what's comes next. keep up the good work!!
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