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05/05/2004 Entry: "Shrek 2 Crap: Volume I."

Shrek 2 Crap: Volume I: Okay, this was originally intended to be a regular article, but a couple of things went wrong. First off, I know as much about Shrek as I do hydrolophysics, and if "hydrolophysics" isn't a real word, I didn't know that either. Secondly, I didn't feel that many of the products required any kind of lengthy description, and I ain't running no picture gallery. Third, I got a bunch of Hellraiser and Christmas Story figures, and was more interested in making Ralphie go to Hell. Instead, I'll put the shit here. This is the first of two parts; the second has the extra good stuff, so check back tomorrow for the rest...

I've never seen Shrek, at least not in full. Think I watched fifteen minutes of it on one of the movie channels before heading back to the familiar embrace of Nick@Nite. I'm sure it's just as great as everyone says, but the teaser ads featuring shots of Mike and Cameron belting their lines into microphones with their hands on their ears and their eyes morphing into small slits of something foreign totally turned me off to it. Whenever the characters spoke, that's all I could think about. I mentally superimposed Mike Myers' image over Shrek, and under those circumstances, Shrek sucked.

But I'm sure it's a wonderful movie.

DreamWorks' Shrek 2 is about to hit theaters, though I'm sure you already knew that. The gamut of print, radio and television ads have been enormous, with Shrek's green head being bested out in onscreen prominence only by that guy who wants to sell me a food processor that can grind through solid granite. He's everywhere you look, and not just in the obvious spots. If you like ice cream or groceries in general, prepare to become acquainted with six million gallons of green food coloring. Shrek has taken over.

Like the Hulk and Spongebob before him, Shrek leaves no stone uncovered even if there's the slightest chance that the stone might be hiding someone capable of paying to see his movie. He'll get you in the junk food aisle, in the freezer section -- from what I could tell, the local Waldbaum's was about 93% Shrek.

Braving the potential of having everyone in the neighborhood think I'm some sort of insane Shrek fetishist pervert, I waltzed up to the register with everything Shrek-related to be found. This isn't even half of the stuff, though, since this particular supermarket is legendary in their promotional limited edition skimpiness. This is why the bomb ticks just below it, waiting for my command. Here's the Shrek crap:

It's taken a decade, but finally Pop Secret has returned to the corn that brought 'em to the dance. Shrek 2 Popcorn is all too reminiscent of yesteryear's Pop Qwiz, which is to say, POPCORN IN CRAZY COLORS. Unbelievable, and on sale. The box features Shrek's severed head spraying out popcorn, and you might be too fixated on that happy image to notice the real glory. The popcorn. Is dyed. Green.

Before we get to that, check out the bag. It's a Shrekky bag. Cool thing is, Shrek's head expands along with the bag while the popcorn cooks, so when you take him out of the microwave, it feels like magic. Only it's not. It's just popcorn.

I see that dyeing popcorn green is a process still as of yet unperfected. Still, a good percentage of it passes the green test, and if you were ever looking for a way to improve popcorn without adding all of those bullshit Cajun spices like everyone else does, this is it. Green or regular, it all tastes the same, but only Shrek's version looks like something that requires a copy of the 1994 Woman's Day Halloween Special to achieve.

Sadly a limited edition, we can only hope that Shrek's Bag O' Fun opened some doors for future animated icons to dye popcorn again. Additionally, if you feed this to babies, their diaper messes would look like Toxic Avenger props. Give it some extra points if you like your popcorn buttery; the stuff leaves your hands looking like you just fisted Puss In Boots.

A whole lot more awaits...

Betty Crocker hits the green ball twice with Shrek 2 Fruit Roll-Ups and Fruit Snacks, which are no more unusual than the non-Shrek varieties save for the in-your-face packaging and faint traces of triple-skill poison. The Roll-Ups, obviously more important than Fruit Snacks, come in an oversized box with one of four Shrek 2 figurines.

There's the beasts. This time around, the Roll-Ups are "Screamin' Green" flavored -- doesn't really explain what you're about to taste, but I'm pretty sure it's apple. I can't identify any of the Fruit Snacks except Shrek, but I hope they didn't waste that awesome chalky blue on anything but a central character.

Shrek 2 Cereal, from General Mills. The box style is pretty offbeat, lacking the requisite giant red title lettering and vague promises about free gifts. Here's what you'll be eating:

It's the lovechild of Kix and Lucky Charms, and in the world of limited edition movie cereals that are rarely described as edible, this one ain't too bad. Especially sans milk, downed with a gulp of iced tea so it liquefies into a gooey mass of oaty sugar as it makes its way through your throat. The best breakfasts let you eat like a fly.

I'm still not sold on Yoplait's Go-Gurt crap. With a strange stance on all dairy products, I just can't understand eating yogurt that's been sitting in a lunchbox for several hours, slowly transforming into cheese. If kids are eating it straight from the fridge, cool, but if not, they need to stop before someone ups and explodes. Plus, I just can't envision yogurt in any container but the traditional cup. I'm sure it's fine and healthy sitting in those paper tubes, but it still feels somehow wrong. Maybe the term "portable yogurt" is throwing me off. Not sure if I've ever encountered a yogurt that wasn't negotiably portable. What makes Go-Gurt so special?


Okay, I guess it's interesting. The Shrekked-up packages include these "Magic Mirror" tricks, where only one of a series of symbols remains intact as kids rub their dirty fingers over them. The others vanish with the heat, only returning when warmth is lost. I challenge the idea that heating up yogurt is ever justified.

Coming Up In Volume II: Waffle sticks with green slime, Baskin Robbins' Shrek-inspired ice cream, and some other shit I can't remember.

REPLIES: 84 comments


1st comment!

heh, too much shrek ><

Chestnuts roasted by Gsrce @ 05/05/2004 12:27 AM EST


My mother bought a bad of Cheetos Twisted without realizing they were a tie-in to Shrek 2 that caused your tounge to turn green when you ate them. She was a bit replused by this,so I pretty much had them for myself. They're okay,if you want your tounge to look light green after eating cheese snacks.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 05/05/2004 12:50 AM EST


The Shrek Go-Gurt has splooged its pink semen for the world to see. Let us bask in its glory.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill Cosby's Sweater @ 05/05/2004 12:50 AM EST


Too much Shrek. Too much to love. I certainly see why he is so popular nowadays.. wait a minute.. Nowadays? Hah, he wishes. Still, he's coming out again with a new movie, which looks very much like a cash in, but it's taking too much time to make and I can't hardly wait for it!

Keep it happy!

Chestnuts roasted by Ballerina @ 05/05/2004 12:55 AM EST


So Matt, what figure came in your Fruit Roll-ups?

Chestnuts roasted by Bizzar @ 05/05/2004 01:02 AM EST


Spider-Man 2 stuff is starting to hit the stores as well. I've spotted the cereal and Pop Tarts.

Chestnuts roasted by Luap @ 05/05/2004 01:03 AM EST


Any chance of you reviewing the toys? I went to the store the other day and was attacked by the talking Shrek dolls. Why is it that toymakers feel that it's neccesary to release the toys now before the movie even comes out?

Chestnuts roasted by hugsnstuff @ 05/05/2004 01:05 AM EST


Oh.. the blue fruit snacks? I'm pretty sure that's donkey.. Eddie Murphey's role

Chestnuts roasted by hugsnstuff @ 05/05/2004 01:06 AM EST


Matt, whats with all that stuff behind the shrek cereal box?, is that your collection of old boxes from food and such?

Chestnuts roasted by Gsrce @ 05/05/2004 01:18 AM EST


You think the food is bad, you should see the fuckin toys. I unloaded and stocked a box of em a couple weeks ago, and much to my dismay, the packaging announces, in bold letters: "I STINK!" This leads me to believe that they designed the new shrek toys to intentionally smell like armpits. I cannot imagine that this would be a selling point, and so far its not really proven itself popular with the youngsters, but the movie isnt out yet, so I guess we will see. All of the other shrek toys are pretty standard animated movie toy crap, except for the shrek version of "operation" which actually looks pretty damn cool.

Chestnuts roasted by MintGreenGoblin @ 05/05/2004 01:26 AM EST


"the stuff leaves your hands looking like you just fisted Puss In Boots."

I love the turns of phrase you come up with, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 05/05/2004 01:27 AM EST


"Coming Up In Volume II: Waffle sticks with green slime, Baskin Robbins' Shrek-inspired ice cream, and some other shit I can't remember."

Don't get too excited, Matt...

Chestnuts roasted by Brad @ 05/05/2004 01:56 AM EST


OMFG. You mean you have to make the yogurt package warm. I hate yogurt, but this just takes the shitcake. At first I just figured I wouldn't see the new Shrek movie, but now I know for certain.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 05/05/2004 03:12 AM EST


Why is it whenever they depict movie CG characters as hand drawings, they're always in this bland style where shading is unheard of?

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 05/05/2004 03:33 AM EST


I thought I was the only one in the world who thought Shrek sucked! I didn't laugh very much when I watched it. hmmmm.... Am I dead iside? Oh well... Off topic Matt, but I was at K-Mart the other day and they had "Hulk" walkie talkies on clearance! I bet you talk into his mouth and listen out his ass. Oh to dream!

Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/05/2004 06:58 AM EST


is it weird I haven't seen or heard one commercial for this?

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 05/05/2004 08:01 AM EST


Remember Star Wars: Episode II cereal? It was just like Shrek 2 cereal -- Kix puffs with Lucky Charms marshmallows, except there were little Yoda heads and lightsabers instead of these...um...other green heads? It looks pretty similar to me. Thank you, General Mills!

More importantly, SW: E2 cereal was just about the best cereal ever. The supermarket kept marking it down, eventually hitting about a dollar a box. I bought stacks of it. I still have one unopened box, saved for weddings and funerals. Twenty years from now, I will be buying this "collector's edition" cereal on eBay solely in order to eat the cereal inside. In the meantime, I'm going to buy some Shrek cereal and put it inside my Star Wars box.

Chestnuts roasted by Volkaru @ 05/05/2004 08:26 AM EST


You cant look anywhere these days without seeing some kind of corporate tie in..Its always "pepsi presents" or "taco bell instant replay". Nothing is simple, everything MUST MAKE MONEY!! blarrrggggghhh

Chestnuts roasted by zombone @ 05/05/2004 08:32 AM EST


"the stuff leaves your hands looking like you just fisted Puss In Boots."

OK...that's just gross.

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 05/05/2004 09:41 AM EST


We have the Shrek cereal. You're right, it's not bad. I was confued about the front of the box and had to flip it over a few times before I realized that, yes, there is no huge cereal name logo. Just Shrek, pushing Donkey's face away from his cereal. It caught me attention, anyway.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 09:43 AM EST


Love the name of the cereal:
"Shrek's (not donkey's)"

Heh heh. I for one loved the movie and can't wait for the next one.

Chestnuts roasted by stilewalker @ 05/05/2004 09:53 AM EST


Matt doesn't like Shrek?

...

His Dorkity's going to be revoked!

Chestnuts roasted by Goz @ 05/05/2004 10:39 AM EST


Nah, I wouldn't say I didn't like it -- just haven't actually sat down to watch it in full.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/05/2004 10:40 AM EST


matt, watching shrek is a bigger waste of time then watching say, blair witch 2. it sucked big time.

Chestnuts roasted by mikey @ 05/05/2004 10:51 AM EST


You know, I usually don't agree with the people who say "this is the greatest phrase Matt's ever used!" about every third article or so, but this time it's actually true- "...fisted Puss and Boots" is DEFINITELY the greatest phrase Matt has ever used. Awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 05/05/2004 10:59 AM EST


"Fisted" means punched, or something rude? And why is this? Was Puss in boots green? Forgive my cluelessness, South africa doesnt get limited ed. stuff or even *gasp, sob* pop tarts! So the reference in the Sixth Sense means nothing to me! Pity me! *Sob sob*...

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/05/2004 11:30 AM EST


wow...who wants to explain fisting to eminentfreak?

Chestnuts roasted by Whirred @ 05/05/2004 11:37 AM EST


I've always wanted Blair Witch pretzel sticks. I still think those kids got what they deserved.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/05/2004 11:42 AM EST


I think Whirred nailed the comment of the day.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/05/2004 11:54 AM EST


Click me, it's about Pac-Man!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/05/2004 12:07 PM EST


I think we need to know how old Whirred is before we decide to explain fisting.

Chestnuts roasted by Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 12:13 PM EST


Ooops I meant how old eminentfreak is.

Chestnuts roasted by Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 12:38 PM EST


i bet the most shrek stuff is leftovers from last year's "HulkMania"

Chestnuts roasted by lemmywinks @ 05/05/2004 12:48 PM EST


Make your own chia. Click on me.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 01:05 PM EST


Ok. FIst. Orafice. Insert. Possible (Nessecary) amounts of lubricant.

There, that's pretty clinical and unoffensive, not that such things worry me.

Chestnuts roasted by Spooky @ 05/05/2004 01:36 PM EST


Meow!
MeeeeOwch!!!!
MeOOOOOOwwwwwwchhh!!!!
Hisssssssss!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Puss In Boots @ 05/05/2004 02:07 PM EST


I liked the first Shrek. I think Antonio Banderas does the voice of Puss In Boots, so keep that in mind all ye who would continue making jokes.

Oh-- and, uhm... Green SHREK 2 Slushies make your poop turn green. Check them out if you get a chance!

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 05/05/2004 02:08 PM EST


Eminentfreak,
Ask an authority figure or legal guardian. That's how I learned what "f*ck" meant as a kid.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/05/2004 02:46 PM EST


But I can understand some "terms" can be cultural or obscure enough to miss... like felch!

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/05/2004 02:58 PM EST


Thank goodness New Zealand will never see any of this stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (NZ) @ 05/05/2004 03:48 PM EST


I like the terms "Hooters" and "Knockers" because of the fact they are noises. In all my life, I have never heard ANY pair actually hoot. I will let you guys know if I do, though.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/05/2004 03:58 PM EST


Yum!

Chestnuts roasted by Lobstie @ 05/05/2004 04:03 PM EST


Shrek 2, Crap Volume 1. Was that the final score?

Chestnuts roasted by kignklash @ 05/05/2004 06:07 PM EST


I went to the post office yesterday and the place was plastered with Shrek 2 ads. It seems even the United States Postal Service is sponsoring Shreck 2.

Chestnuts roasted by Meatwad @ 05/05/2004 06:26 PM EST


Actually, the Go-Gurt Matt bought only scratches the surface. There's actually "O-Gurt," which is totally Ahrek themed down to the very flavors!

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 05/05/2004 06:46 PM EST


What happens when you mix Pokemon and Mindless Self Indulgence's "Bitches" song? Nothing beats Pikachu slapping himself to the beat.
http://yourmom.sh/files/Videos/Otaku-Vengeance-Eric-Pokemon.mpeg

The site has some other cool videos like Domopers (Steve Balmer's yelps mixed with Japanese character), Avalanches' Frontier Psychiatrist, James Kochalka Superstar's Monkey vs. Robot, and Muppets' Mahnamahna. http://yourmom.sh/?page=files

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 05/05/2004 07:20 PM EST


I did like the first movie (even with two obnoxious teenage boys sitting in front of me in the theater), but I'm not in any hurry to see the second. All hype aside, I don't think the "hip fairytale" joke can be stretched for a sequal. It remains to be seen if people agree with me.

As for the crap, I'm familiar with the fruit snacks (the grocery store I still work at has tons of boxes left over from a huge sale two weeks ago) and the Go-Gurt, but not anything else - and I'm not a fan of fruit snacks or Go-Gurt, so I won't be eating anything with an ogre's head on it any time soon.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 05/05/2004 09:28 PM EST


It's 2004, let's make with the internet savviness (savvicity?)already. All you ever have to do to learn a new word is type "slang " into Google and a bunch of slang dictionary pages will come up. I found out what "felching" is 5 minutes ago! And I wish I hadn't!

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 05/05/2004 09:58 PM EST


I remember seing Shrek 1, thinking I was going to absolutely hate it, and it turns out that I actually kinda liked it. But I think a sequel's a bad idea. I have a feeling that all this hype is going to backfire on Shrek 2, just like it did with The Hulk last year.

Chestnuts roasted by Number5 @ 05/06/2004 06:57 AM EST


Shrek is ok, I'm actually looking forward to the second one. But I think we can all agree that the marketing departments involved in plastering pop-culture images all over their products need to realize that the money they spent on getting the permission to use the trademark will not be recovered by the sale of the product... longest.sentance.ever.

Ever since Star Wars : The Phantom Menace, I have been wary of any movie that has that many tie-ins with products. Look at all of the other movies that have been horrible that have also had a ton of marketing done with it: The Hulk, both Star Wars prequals, Spiderman (I still think that was a travesty of a movie), the list goes on.

The Matrixes (or The Matricies, whatever the plural of it), Lord of the rings, Pirates, etc. have all done extremely well with minimal product advertisements (drink more poweraid!) You don't seen them whoring out Sauron to sell cheerios, do you?

Chestnuts roasted by Chiablo @ 05/06/2004 11:22 AM EST


"Lipstick wearin' felch monkey!"-Captain Chode.

Sauron for Funyuns!
"There is just One Ring to rule my hunger for snacks, the onion-y goodness of Funyuns! Right, Gollum?"
"What's it got in it's bagses? You can't have any! They're mine!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/06/2004 11:53 AM EST


Oookay... Would I know about Heman, thundercats and wuzzles IF i were younger than 24? Hmmm?

Thank you for the explanation of fisted, But I still don't get the puss in boots reference, y'all. I mean, why would puss in boot's er, backside, leave one's hand green anyway? One unhealthy cat, then.

I will not try to find out what felching is, thankyou >. At least I kept all of you amused for half an hour.

We have different slang in south africa, and you can scream nasty names at people who pull in front of you - often in other languages. Like you can call someone "umfene" (oom-feh-neh) which means baboon. Do not call the future provincial premier (ie governor) this, however. Someone caught her leaning against her car and ream-ed her out from a dizzy height. I'm not kidding, how stupid can you be to not recognise a politician and call her a baboon, her mother's arsehole and a location (ie squatter camp) woman? Oooops. The stupid woman concerned is being sued... by the premier!

I also know how to call people rude names in Latin. This always helps when you dont want people to know what you're saying :)

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/06/2004 12:37 PM EST


Calling names can be fun, especially if in a mostly spoken language. My cousin, when he was in first grade, called someone 'dirty rat'(in a straight translation, it still is dirty rat) in Comanche. A lot of words in the Comanche language sound harsh, kinda like Klingon, so it was assumed he used off-color slang. We all had a good laugh over it.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/06/2004 12:56 PM EST


Eminentfreak, fisting doesn't necessarily take place in the backside. And here in the states a certain part of the female anatomy is often referred to by the different terms used for cat.

That bieng said I don't think Matt was trying to imply that your hands would be green, just covered in a buttery substance.

Hope I kept this explanation clean enough.

Chestnuts roasted by Beerstalker @ 05/06/2004 01:20 PM EST


To EminentFreak:

I wouldn't worry about cursing at peole in Latin if you don't want people to know what you're saying... just keep right on in your own South African language. It'll do just fine, you Dingo!

"Dingoes ate my baby!"

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 05/06/2004 01:32 PM EST


Gawdawg, Beerstalker! Buttery substance?! Oh, man, that's good! Thank goodness I don't dig on the artificial butter substance on movie popcorn; otherwise, I really wouldn't dig it now!... buttery substance! "Why's the popcorn soggy?" Ew...

And, eminentfreak, I was just yanking your chain. I was having midafternoon sarcastics with a touch of "Get me the hell outta work!... It's Cinco de Mayo!!"

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/06/2004 02:49 PM EST


Friggin' hell. It's like frickin' Spongebob Squarepants. I hate Shrek with a vengance. I wish I could Control-Alt-Delete him.

Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 05/07/2004 07:08 PM EST


I hated Shrek 1. I know I'm in the minority with this, it just didn't do anything for me. I won't see part 2, but I will most likely eat a lot of these products they're hocking.

Chestnuts roasted by G4L @ 05/08/2004 04:24 AM EST


Yeah Nachokhaki, I figured... Now I understand why what Matt said was funny... LOL. Sortof. With some *gross* also.

Its nice to be able to tell someone to go all the way over there to fk themselves (gaan na jou moer = go to your fk. Afrikaans such an expressive language). I haven't really learned to swear much in Xhosa or Zulu though. Too scared of being stabbed with an assegai or something. Who knows if the bad driver in front of you might happen to leap out at the next intersection and get stroppy... ;P

As far as Chia plots go, I recently bought a camera and have begun devising a plot of Dr Evil-esque proportions. When I've found some web space I will elaborate further....

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/08/2004 06:34 AM EST


Watch as Shrek 2 drowns in its own hype...Hasn't Hollywood learned anything?

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/08/2004 02:59 PM EST


I hate fruit snacks. Espically the non-see-through kind. Reminds me of sqishy chalk.

Chestnuts roasted by Third Rate Ninja @ 05/08/2004 07:24 PM EST


shrek was ok, kinda lame. but gaoddarn if that cereal isn't fantastic!!

Chestnuts roasted by KOMP @ 05/10/2004 01:52 PM EST


God, i hate shrek.

Chestnuts roasted by Batman @ 05/10/2004 03:11 PM EST


My brother bought the O-Gurt stuff. It had the ever lovely flavors of "Ogreberry" and "DonkeyBerry Punch."

Perhaps it's just me, but I have no interest in eating anything called "ogre" or "donkey."

I mean, really, who wants ass flavored yogurt?

Chestnuts roasted by Lady Yatre-xel @ 05/10/2004 04:49 PM EST


Everything's big and green! It's like The Hulk all over again.
man, it's a good thing I like Shrek or i'd be in Hell.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 05/11/2004 01:00 PM EST


Hey man, anyone who hasn't tried it yet, STAY AWAY FROM GO-GURT.

Especially if it's green and has a nose-picking ogre on the tube.

Chestnuts roasted by Aaron @ 05/11/2004 02:11 PM EST


Not sure if you guys got the ads, but in australia we had the go gurts soldiers: Theres a drill seargeant instructing a bunch of go grunts that they arent here to be licked or chewed, but that indeed they are here to have their heads ripped off and their guts sucked out.
They even had the "nice lady australian voice over" repeating what the drill seargeant said.

Appetising.

Chestnuts roasted by Budd @ 05/11/2004 09:06 PM EST


DONKEY BERRY PUNCH, LOL!!

Chestnuts roasted by KOMP @ 05/12/2004 04:30 AM EST


Agreed, donkey punch. Lmfao...

And don't give the furries any ideas Matt, I've seen enough nightmareish crap on the internet.

Chestnuts roasted by J @ 05/12/2004 08:30 AM EST


Matt- I was pleasently suprised by Shrek, but I know what you mean when you talk about Myers. That sonuvabitch has lost my respect (I'm sure he gives a crap) for making The Cat in the Hat.

But not just for that. I heard him claim during an interview that The Cat in the Hat was one of two roles he's always wanted to play since he was young.

Yeah, we're buying that, Mike. What an asswagon...

For the return of my respect, the demands are as follows (ah-hem): Wayne's World 3.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 05/14/2004 07:13 PM EST


The twat in the hat who shat on a mat?

Chestnuts roasted by Val Aslanyan @ 05/17/2004 02:53 AM EST


Shrek was a horrible lump of shit.
This sequel is supposedly not as good, so you guess how much it's worth to me...

Chestnuts roasted by Ginsu Victim @ 05/21/2004 06:59 PM EST


Hey phunqsauce,
Does Shrek 2 drowning in it's own hype include grossing the $148,519,000 it's already earned? Or no?

Chestnuts roasted by BallsMalone @ 05/26/2004 07:47 PM EST


I saw Shreck twice, and it has it's funny moments. Like uhm, when you see Pinokio being turned in by Gepetto.
I hate that bastard, like people should love him because he is made of wood.
Like I don't get wood when I watch Stacie Orrico, but do people love me because of it. No, indeed they don't.

But anyway. What I wanted to say is that Shreck is very overrated. It's an ok movie, funny, looks great and nice little parody. But in no shape or form, green or yellow is it a classic.

And yes, fisting Puss in boots is very funny, but also very disturbing. And in a way, you are fisting Antonio Banderas en he is married to that creepy woman who's name I forgot. So in a way, you are thinking about fisting her. And that thougt is so disgusting, that I'd rather "felch".

Chestnuts roasted by Space Samurai @ 05/29/2004 07:36 PM EST


LOL

Chestnuts roasted by PussyMonster @ 06/02/2004 02:46 PM EST


in light of the c-3P0 comment... the cereal also tastes like the pac-man stuff. i looked at the box on the shelf, and could just remember the taste. one spoonfull and i was 3 again. as long as there are promotional products, we'll have such memories. oh, and that reminds me... believe it or not i used to LOVE that golden chicken pac-man pasta. i looked for a contemporary variant with no luck. if anybody knows of one, that'd be great.

Chestnuts roasted by obliviousss @ 06/09/2004 05:04 AM EST


in light of the c-3P0 comment... the cereal also tastes like the pac-man stuff. i looked at the box on the shelf, and could just remember the taste. one spoonfull and i was 3 again. as long as there are promotional products, we'll have such memories. oh, and that reminds me... believe it or not i used to LOVE that golden chicken pac-man pasta. i looked for a contemporary variant with no luck. if anybody knows of one, that'd be great.

Chestnuts roasted by obliviousss @ 06/09/2004 05:04 AM EST


Space Samurai, her name is Melanie Griffith. She's on www.awfulplasticsurgery.com i think.

obliviouss--- remember the mario cereal that came in 2 separate bags? they also did the minature cans of pop before pepsi and everyone else jumped on the mini bandwagon.

felching-- http://mindprod.com/ggloss/felch.html

ew.

And gogurt is GOOD frozen

--End Transmission--

Chestnuts roasted by Moonarae @ 06/20/2004 12:03 PM EST


Holy crap, there are assloads of shrek logo feces smeared all over the place. I can't remember a movie so overhyped as this.

Chestnuts roasted by Flaming Fuckball @ 06/30/2004 06:09 PM EST


What was the guy who made Shrek smokin? Shrek is a FUCKING UGLY RETARDED NOT REAL THING!!! IT SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A FACE BECAUSE HES SO FUCKIN UGLY!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *trips on Toddler TurtleTM action figure and dies*

Chestnuts roasted by PantsMaster @ 07/09/2004 12:48 PM EST


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Chestnuts roasted by roulette betting strategy @ 10/29/2004 02:43 AM EST


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Chestnuts roasted by roulette betting strategy @ 10/29/2004 02:44 AM EST


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Chestnuts roasted by roulette betting strategy @ 10/29/2004 02:45 AM EST


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Chestnuts roasted by roulette betting strategy @ 10/29/2004 02:45 AM EST