05/04/2004 Entry: "A Christmas Story 2: Ralphie Goes To Hell."

Ralphie from A Christmas Story makes a devilish deal in Ralphie Goes To Hell, a wild thrillcoaster that'll take the ovaltine drinkin' holiday icon straight to the lair of Pinhead and the Cenobites. It's not the Chia Plot, but hey look new article.

I'll be back in a bit, with a super jumbo-sized blog entry. It's actually a full length article that I'm pulling off deck. Just didn't think there's enough to it to warrant the main page treatment, but that's part of what this section is for, ain't it? It ain't? By the way, I have fleas.

Don't believe me? Look it up here:

Don't believe me? Look it up here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085334/

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 05/05/2004 02:55 AM EST

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085334/

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 05/05/2004 02:56 AM EST

There, I did it. I guess I'm not such a dumbass after all.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 05/05/2004 02:56 AM EST

I'm not sure I would have known that was Ralphie unless you'd pointed it out. My first guess would have been a Young Jim Gaffigan figure. Then I'd have to figure out why there are any Jim Gaffigan figures at all, let alone a Young Jim Gaffigan.

I'm gonna shut up and read the thing now.

Bye.

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosMonkey @ 05/05/2004 03:05 AM EST

awesome. the monchichis were a nice touch

Chestnuts roasted by valarie @ 05/05/2004 03:32 AM EST

Awesome job! Very funny stuff! BTW Great site!

Chestnuts roasted by Jarrod @ 05/05/2004 04:17 AM EST

Excellent! Matt do you know where the MarshMellow Man is being sold? Will it be at Suncoast/Sam Goody or is it exclusively on the NECA site store?

Chestnuts roasted by Excellent! Matt do you know where the MarshMellow Man is being sold? Will it be at Suncoast/Sam Goody or is it exclusively on the NECA @ 05/05/2004 07:40 AM EST

Sorry wasn't paying attention the post above this one is mine. I'm such an ass.

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan Steele @ 05/05/2004 07:41 AM EST

What exactly are monchichi's. Are they monkeys or monkey/gerbil's or what? I dont understand...

Chestnuts roasted by BettieBoo @ 05/05/2004 08:20 AM EST

those cenobite chicks are from hellraiser 5 or 6, one of them has the guy that does the max paine voice. Pinhead is in them both a totall of 5 seconds

Chestnuts roasted by bob barker on smack @ 05/05/2004 08:28 AM EST

Notice one of the girls grabbing Barbie's crotch partway through the story?

Chestnuts roasted by Volkaru @ 05/05/2004 08:32 AM EST

"We just got in a shipment of Monchichis."

Shoutout! Whoo!

Scut Farkus was played by Zach Ward, who went on to play Dave, the brother, on Titus. I love useless trivia.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 09:28 AM EST

Did anyone else notice who was hiding behind the wood in one of the pics?

Chestnuts roasted by Cold Milk @ 05/05/2004 09:29 AM EST

Scott Schwartz, A.K.A. Flick was straight up doing porn.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 05/05/2004 09:37 AM EST

Funny Shiznit!

Chestnuts roasted by The King Lion @ 05/05/2004 09:47 AM EST

I agree that Flick was posing for porn, no girl could resist that tongue. Since I'm already talking about sex, I figure it'd be ok so make fun of Matt's milky balls...

Chestnuts roasted by ANdrew @ 05/05/2004 09:48 AM EST

Crap me a new brain, it's Cenobite time! YAY! CENOBITES RAWK! The "Barbie" one is from the first Hellraiser... one of the originals. And the Chatterer is my favorite! Bravo!

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/05/2004 09:56 AM EST

Yeah, I saw those guys behind the Hell-Crating... a possible hint at the promised continuation of the Chia Plot? I hope so...

Chestnuts roasted by SilvaKrown @ 05/05/2004 10:08 AM EST

I thought I was the only one who cared about and cherished A Christmas Story. Everytime I see the VHS that we used to tape it off TV I get a little bit nostalgic. The leg lamp...but Ralphie's fantasy of coming home blind was a little disturbing. It still is.

Chestnuts roasted by CasinoRoyale @ 05/05/2004 10:23 AM EST

Chia Part 5?

Chestnuts roasted by sixpointsix @ 05/05/2004 10:42 AM EST

Matt, you're an f'n genius!

GI's in hell?

Matt what r u cookin up?

Also, Shrek was a really good movie and I've tried those fruit snacks and they ain't bad either.

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 05/05/2004 11:21 AM EST

Not just posing for porn, ANdrew. He an actual porn star. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0777432/

I didn't really like Shrek. We're a Finding Nemo sort of bunch, here.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 11:31 AM EST

Went back and saw the Joe's. Hee!Tittle! Guffaw!

Sneaky Joe's.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 11:34 AM EST

I saw a 1/2 scale leg lamp in a catalog once. Ragile, must be Italian.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/05/2004 11:34 AM EST

The take on Ralphie's boxer nose must be in part II.

I own this movie on DVD. Does this make me cool? Or, a dork? Only Matt knows...

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 11:37 AM EST

A Christmas Story is my favorite movie ever, even above the original SW trilogy and the Gremlins flicks. So no, definitely not dorky to own the DVD.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/05/2004 11:40 AM EST

Actually, there really was a sequel to A Christmas Story. It had two names, one of which was My Summer Story, and the other being It Runs In The Family. It had 99% different actors, and took place in the summer sometime after Christmas Story. Not nearly as good as the first, but it had a few moments (namely Randy's fishing experience).

Here it is on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/6304413408/qid=1083772174/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/002-3711605-5291267?v=glance&s=video&n=507846

Chestnuts roasted by a piece of milk @ 05/05/2004 11:50 AM EST

Commander Frack?.....

Chestnuts roasted by FireFly @ 05/05/2004 12:02 PM EST

It is six pm in South Africa now, so hi matt, I'm going to bed soon... major headache MADE WORSE BY LACK OF CHIA PLOT!!!!! Dammit Who is the ultimate warrior? Panthro? It has to be Panthro! AA rulz, bru. PS shipment of monchichis was nice touch! We don't have any nice action figures here... I had a plush monchichi as a child... My brother stole it... Monchichi's belong in a small wooden crate allegedly made to look like hell. Ha. Ha. Bet u're having breakfast right now, so I'm about to have supper. Snarf and gravy, with veg. Yumyumyum. G'night.

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/05/2004 12:08 PM EST

We watched Christmas story in school in grade four but the teacher turned it off when ralphie said "fuck."
I still have not seen the end.

Chestnuts roasted by lemmywinks @ 05/05/2004 12:43 PM EST

More like lunchtime here in EST.

Didn't the baby Macauley Culkins play Ralphie and Randy in It Runs In The Family? A disappointment, although the plots surrounding the parents were pretty good (tax time, the gravy boat).

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 12:43 PM EST

South Africa...... it's like a whole other country.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/05/2004 12:44 PM EST

The kid who plays Flick joined the porno industry because he found that he could do more than stick his tongue to a pole. Then again, maybe not...

Chestnuts roasted by CasinoRoyale @ 05/05/2004 12:46 PM EST

Oh, yeah - do the figures come w/ the Bumpus' dogs and the Christmas duck? Cuz that would just rule.

It's good to know I am officially non-dorky. Whoo!

Rent it, lemmywinks. It's worth the $5.

My five year old daughter caught a snake in our backyard. His name is Bob and is right now in an aquarium in the kitchen. I think Bob is giving me the stink eye.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/05/2004 12:47 PM EST

You are such a fudging teast Matt! Not only do you make an action figure drama, when you know I'm setting my dreams on Chiaplot (note, that I will never have a best day ever because you ruined the one I predicted!)But I saw what was happening behind that crate! It's just cruel. It's not fair... Don't we deserve it? Haven't we been good? I tell you what, If you give me the Chiaplot I'll umm.... well I don't know, probably something involving the robots that came in boxes of OJs cereal for some inexplicable reason, or probably the ghostbusters episode where Larry Storch Guest starred, (Ghost Busters, not The Real Ghost Busters.) Aww cmon man, be a pal.

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 05/05/2004 01:36 PM EST

Hmmm... very nice. Yes, very nice. Good Work, Matt. I'd be curious how long it takes you to put together something like that?

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 05/05/2004 01:55 PM EST

Cameron, are you sure it's the entire first season? The only old school ninja turtles DVD I can find on the internet is just the first 5 episodes, along with 4 episodes that never aired on TV. Is this the one you're talking about?

Click my name for the link.

Chestnuts roasted by Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 02:36 PM EST

hooray for matt!

Chestnuts roasted by lfkhgf @ 05/05/2004 03:29 PM EST

K, this was insanely good stuff. I loved the small touches, like the girls grabbing at Barbie's crotch. Also, I hope I'm not the only one who noticed the father in his last pic.

Chestnuts roasted by Eraser @ 05/05/2004 03:31 PM EST

WTF?
It's nice to know that Matt still plays with his action figures :)
I didn't know there was a series of A Christmas Story figures.

Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 05/05/2004 04:40 PM EST

that was soooo goood matt.. good job mista mista!

Chestnuts roasted by nelson @ 05/05/2004 04:46 PM EST

I noticed it too Eraser, but I'm surprised noone else has mentioned it yet.

Chestnuts roasted by Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 04:48 PM EST

I think the ol' Dad switcheroo was obvious for most people... and the rest just don't want to admit they missed it.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/05/2004 05:00 PM EST

Great article Matt. I was surprised that I didn't see Cobra's jet/bus in the background with Zartan yelling at Frack about giving him wrong directions...either way it still rocked and keep up the good work.

Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 05/05/2004 05:00 PM EST

Ha ha ha ha........ha! Hell....Ralphie...Ovaltine...ha!!!

Fuck Kenneth Branagh!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Don't Touch, Willy. @ 05/05/2004 05:50 PM EST

The head switch was right up there with the best B-movie or Twilight Zone endings. "And there, hanging from his butt, was a hook! BOOGABOOGA!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/05/2004 06:10 PM EST

That was disturbing and odd. I loved it!

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 05/05/2004 06:21 PM EST

A Christmas Story and the other Summer vacation story with separate actors performing are actually chapters out of a book from one man's life. He's also done shorts about his time with his dad at a Chicago Cubs game. Funny book, yet I can't recall the name of it. . .

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 05/05/2004 06:28 PM EST

You need to do something with those Simpsons action figues. That would be awesome! BUT FIRST, you need to finish the Chia Plot thing.

Chestnuts roasted by West @ 05/05/2004 07:50 PM EST

That "Can I have a shotgun" dialogue needs to be preserved for generations yet to come...

Chestnuts roasted by Creature SH @ 05/05/2004 09:05 PM EST

Matt, I've been reading your site for years, and I'm so disappointed that you've never mentioned 8-Bit Theatre Party over at www.nuklearpower.com.

Fans of the very first Final Fantasy, yes, the 8-bit NES version that was going to be the last game that Square ever produced (hence the name), really should check this out. It's got everything - evil Black Mages, swordchucks, Garland...

Matt - not doing a plug here - that's some funny s--t over there at 8-Bit Theatre...almost as funny as your Mumm-ra/Snickers bit from eons ago (I haven't laughed that hard since the last time I...). Actually, you'd probably be my first pick to play Black Mage in the movie conversion (probably coming in 2007 at this rate).

Chestnuts roasted by DragonJay @ 05/05/2004 10:14 PM EST

I wasn't much of a FF guy so I never really got into NP, but I've seen the site and have a great respect for what that guy has accomplished. (that's the same site with the sprite comic, aye?)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/05/2004 10:52 PM EST

The Mumra/snickers/wilykit comment was priceless!

Is Wilykit the ultimate warrior? Or a snickers bar? Hurhurhur. Otherwise, why bother with chiaplots? I think even Matt doesn't know who the ultimate warrior will be... thats why he's stalling! Hah! I shall have to Invent a plot for him starring my little ponies and dismembered heman toys! Hah!

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/06/2004 10:36 AM EST

That was one of the funniest things I read in the last 15 minutes. Keep up the good work.

Chestnuts roasted by pwalk @ 05/06/2004 10:49 AM EST

Yep, South Africa is a whole other country.... It's 4:44pm as I speak, so whoa, weird aint it? Monchichi's were sortof like monkey things from waaaay back, a cartoon with spinoff cuddly toys. Mustve been what, 20 years ago? Had theme song like "Way up in de trees live da mon-chi-cheees, Monchichi means happ-pi-ness, MON!" There was a revival about 10-ish years ago, cute little animated critters hanging from branches. Anyone else remember animated Ewoks episodes? Loved em. And the Wuggles.

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 05/06/2004 10:52 AM EST

I'm 21. I vaguely remember the Ewoks animated series. I remember one where they had to put an invisible potion on themselves to keep hidden from some bad guys. That's about it.

Chestnuts roasted by CasinoRoyale @ 05/06/2004 02:05 PM EST

i can't believe i just read all of that... and found it so entertaining! lol.

Chestnuts roasted by shebasfire @ 05/06/2004 02:59 PM EST

the first time i saw "an x-mas story" was when i was seven or eight -- it freaked the living daylights out of me (probably since there were random people wearing costumes and what not...plus the guy w/ the coon hat was scary as hell). they did a 24 hr movie marathon of "an x-mas story" which was fine the first time around...

random note--saw old skool transformers coloring book at an antique store the other day (which is odd since one would never expect to see something like that...)

i'm going to miss shrek two over the summer (will be out of the country...oh well) i suppose it might be a good thing...

Chestnuts roasted by happybunnydemon @ 05/06/2004 03:17 PM EST

Matt - Great post as always. BTW, there really is an actual Christmas Story 2. I tried watching it once, but I couldn't. I would love to see you rip into that one. Keep it up brutha!

P.S. - I know you're digging necaonline.com, but I found www.darkfigures.com and it rules. They actually have a Jason figure from part 2 as well as PAMELA VOORHEES. Both are pre-orders. Check it out. Peace & Grease!!

Chestnuts roasted by FreaqSho @ 05/06/2004 06:40 PM EST

yea...christmas story 2..i doubt it..i know the world may be full of sequels but i doubt any1 would go that far to get money..anyway great page .keep up the good work:D

Chestnuts roasted by Mr.Fun @ 05/06/2004 10:09 PM EST

Did you know A Christmas Story is actually a sequel on its own? It was a sequal to an odd little movie called "Just like Dad"(I think that was the title). Same actors...younger...interesting. Its on the Disney channel once every like three years. Sad, but I saw it on once. The kid goes fishing and has wars with tops against other kids at school.

Anyway, this was pretty good Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by G.I. He-man @ 05/06/2004 11:22 PM EST

It's obvious Matt is stalling on the Chia Plot until he gets the Marshmellow Man figure. There's your ultimate cobra warrior.

Chestnuts roasted by SpoCoGoldberg @ 05/07/2004 04:49 AM EST

I am in hell.

Chestnuts roasted by Slacker @ 05/07/2004 10:47 AM EST

Those Christmas Story figures are awesome, oh yeah, so was the story. Yeah, the sequel to 'A Christmas Story' was 'It runs in the family,' with Kieren Culkin playing Ralphie.

Chestnuts roasted by G4L @ 05/08/2004 07:15 AM EST

How about Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss which starred Jerry O'Connell as Ralphie? I remember only very randomly stumbling upon it on the Disney Channel years ago. I don't remember it well but I remember the kid who played Randy said the word "jelly" really weird. Anyone else heard of this?

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/08/2004 02:49 PM EST

Wow, there's another movie with these characters? I must find it, and then watch it... in no particular order.

Chestnuts roasted by G4L @ 05/08/2004 06:50 PM EST

Jeez, I never thought I'd see the day when Hellraiser and A Christmas Story could be somehow properly connected in the same sentance, let alone comic. Top notch; worthy of the 'Mixing Movies that Should Never be Mixed' award.

Chestnuts roasted by Third Rate Ninja @ 05/08/2004 07:20 PM EST

Never in all the years I spent watching A Christmas Story on TNT for 24 straight hours on Christmas Day would I have guessed there were ACS action figures made. We live in a crazy world.

Chestnuts roasted by Tim-E @ 05/08/2004 07:50 PM EST

Where did you get those figures from?

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 05/08/2004 08:10 PM EST

Dude you have issues. I think I'm in love.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeffrey @ 05/09/2004 01:44 AM EST

Wow...that was probably the the funniest thing i have ever seen. Keep up the good work

Chestnuts roasted by Robert @ 05/09/2004 07:27 PM EST

those cenobites are called the wire twins.

"I wanna peanut butter and jelly sandwiiiich!"

Chestnuts roasted by *ella* @ 05/10/2004 08:58 PM EST

The Transfat part was priceless.

Chestnuts roasted by ElxBorracho @ 05/12/2004 02:17 AM EST

there was this icecycle.. a.. an.. a and it fell off the roof.. an' it hit me..

suns a bitches.. bumpises.

Chestnuts roasted by faelyur @ 05/13/2004 04:28 PM EST

Excellent article Matt! More like these please!

Chestnuts roasted by Sheep @ 05/15/2004 11:22 PM EST

much liked the comic... the homepage link goes to a photo comic of mine

Chestnuts roasted by tony @ 05/24/2004 02:22 AM EST

Hellraiser figures are awesome. Especally when you have those action figures that are held togeather with loose joints you can pop apart.

Chestnuts roasted by EhhEff @ 06/07/2004 06:27 PM EST

That's god-damn hilarious! Stumbled upon this site by accident.

Chestnuts roasted by Z.Beeblebrox @ 06/09/2004 02:27 PM EST

That's god-damn hilarious! Stumbled upon this site by accident.

Chestnuts roasted by Z.Beeblebrox @ 06/09/2004 02:27 PM EST

This is my new favorite christmas story.

Pinhead so owns the abominal snowbitch.

Chestnuts roasted by Adam @ 09/09/2004 02:15 PM EST

that was so fucking funny

Chestnuts roasted by emil 9 years old @ 10/25/2004 10:49 PM EST

You can also check some relevant pages dedicated to city mortgage oklahoma city mortgage oklahoma http://www.city-mortgage-oklahoma-advisor.info/ mortgage refinancing mortgage refinancing http://www.mortgage-refinancing-ebanking.info/ federal student loans federal student loans http://www.federal-student-loans-consultant.info/ loan payment loan payment http://www.loan-payment-e-site.info/ free credit report free credit report http://www.free-credit-report-4u.info/ cash loans cash loans http://www.cash-loans-e-site.info/ analize debt analize debt http://www.analize-debt-advisor.info/ online marketplace ebay online marketplace ebay http://www.online-marketplace-emall-site.info/ fine wine fine wine http://www.fine-wine-cellar.info/ ameriquest mortgage ameriquest mortgage http://www.ameriquest-mortgage-e-bank.info/ air travel air travel http://www.air-travel-e-site.info/ ...

Chestnuts roasted by cameras @ 11/02/2004 02:46 PM EST

You can also check some relevant pages dedicated to city mortgage oklahoma city mortgage oklahoma http://www.city-mortgage-oklahoma-advisor.info/ mortgage refinancing mortgage refinancing http://www.mortgage-refinancing-ebanking.info/ federal student loans federal student loans http://www.federal-student-loans-consultant.info/ loan payment loan payment http://www.loan-payment-e-site.info/ free credit report free credit report http://www.free-credit-report-4u.info/ cash loans cash loans http://www.cash-loans-e-site.info/ analize debt analize debt http://www.analize-debt-advisor.info/ online marketplace ebay online marketplace ebay http://www.online-marketplace-emall-site.info/ fine wine fine wine http://www.fine-wine-cellar.info/ ameriquest mortgage ameriquest mortgage http://www.ameriquest-mortgage-e-bank.info/ air travel air travel http://www.air-travel-e-site.info/ ...

Chestnuts roasted by cameras @ 11/02/2004 02:46 PM EST

You can also check some relevant pages dedicated to city mortgage oklahoma city mortgage oklahoma http://www.city-mortgage-oklahoma-advisor.info/ mortgage refinancing mortgage refinancing http://www.mortgage-refinancing-ebanking.info/ federal student loans federal student loans http://www.federal-student-loans-consultant.info/ loan payment loan payment http://www.loan-payment-e-site.info/ free credit report free credit report http://www.free-credit-report-4u.info/ cash loans cash loans http://www.cash-loans-e-site.info/ analize debt analize debt http://www.analize-debt-advisor.info/ online marketplace ebay online marketplace ebay http://www.online-marketplace-emall-site.info/ fine wine fine wine http://www.fine-wine-cellar.info/ ameriquest mortgage ameriquest mortgage http://www.ameriquest-mortgage-e-bank.info/ air travel air travel http://www.air-travel-e-site.info/ ...

Chestnuts roasted by cameras @ 11/02/2004 02:47 PM EST

You can also check some relevant pages dedicated to city mortgage oklahoma city mortgage oklahoma http://www.city-mortgage-oklahoma-advisor.info/ mortgage refinancing mortgage refinancing http://www.mortgage-refinancing-ebanking.info/ federal student loans federal student loans http://www.federal-student-loans-consultant.info/ loan payment loan payment http://www.loan-payment-e-site.info/ free credit report free credit report http://www.free-credit-report-4u.info/ cash loans cash loans http://www.cash-loans-e-site.info/ analize debt analize debt http://www.analize-debt-advisor.info/ online marketplace ebay online marketplace ebay http://www.online-marketplace-emall-site.info/ fine wine fine wine http://www.fine-wine-cellar.info/ ameriquest mortgage ameriquest mortgage http://www.ameriquest-mortgage-e-bank.info/ air travel air travel http://www.air-travel-e-site.info/ ...

Chestnuts roasted by cameras @ 11/02/2004 02:48 PM EST