If you're craving more words loosely tied to Easter, hop back to last year's tribute to Cadbury Creme Eggs. If it's more Peeps you're after, check out my previous adventures with the Halloween and Christmas varieties.
And now, a holiday bonus! A friend of mine got a new MP3 player, and along with it came software that'd convert webpages into audio files. Click here to hear my "Worst Game Room Ever" article, spoken by Dr. Sbaitso's wife, who really doesn't have a grasp on comma pauses or all the words I must've misspelled. You'll probably give up thirty seconds in, but it's pretty weird for me to hear it. If you want more, you're probably alone, but I'll oblige with an audio version of my Choco-Bliss article. I'll hold off on the holiday wishes until a blog entry later tonight, but in case someone's going to Tahiti Grandma's right now, yeah, have an amazing fucking Easter. It's such an exciting blast of a holiday, ain't it?
REPLIES: 86 comments
whoo-hoo!! Long-time yadda yadda, first time shabba-shabba!! wish i could try the choco-peeps, but wrong season...awww. great comment, and blah blah!!
Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 04/11/2004 12:08 AM EST
Wow, voice-synth technology has improved a lot from the days of Blank Check and my grandma's computer.
Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 04/11/2004 12:21 AM EST
Until I saw that final picture in the article, I never realized how sparkly Peeps dust is. We've been eating arts & crafts sparkles all these years.
Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 04/11/2004 12:35 AM EST
I wouldn't say voice synth technology has improved THAT much. Kinda reminds me of when I had Bonzi buddy a few years back. Damn annoying ape!
Chestnuts roasted by Well @ 04/11/2004 12:38 AM EST
Mrs. Sbaitso's work isn't polished, but it's a start.
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/11/2004 12:38 AM EST
Sixth!!!!!!!!!
Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 04/11/2004 12:57 AM EST
Lucky #7!!!
Another great article, Matt
Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 04/11/2004 01:06 AM EST
Now I've gotta ask this. . .I've tried Peeps, but dispise them (they're goeey texture and sweet taste), but my sister loves to crack open a package and wait until they go stale until she eats them!?! Does anyone else enjoy the staleness of one of these sugar-filled bastards?
Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy @ 04/11/2004 01:10 AM EST
I can now successfully freak out my mother any time I want to by opening this article. She HATES Peeps.
Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 04/11/2004 01:17 AM EST
Spaceballs, eh? What a coincidence... I just watched Spaceballs in full tonight. Really. It was kinda creepy.
Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 04/11/2004 01:24 AM EST
Jokes still as funny coming from an emotionless robot.
Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 04/11/2004 01:36 AM EST
Never mind. It bleeps the swearing.
Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 04/11/2004 01:39 AM EST
Yeah, I hate that part. She also seems to have trouble pronouncing "actually," and that's trouble since I use the word 800 times per article.
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/11/2004 01:45 AM EST
You know, I actually sat here and wondered what a factory full of these things would look like.
Then I got bored and punched myself in the face. At least that has the redeeming value of making me unaware of my current enviornment. I think I'll go back to it.
Chestnuts roasted by LordKaT @ 04/11/2004 01:45 AM EST
Wow! 8 out of 10?! are you sure you didn't mean 6 out of 10?
As far as that voice synth shit, how big/long do you think the Photog Blog would be if it was converted to synth? hmmm..
LordKaT: I think I'll try that punch in the face thing next time I try to bring up Photog :P
aside: I reviewed Optimus Prime (finally) click on my name to check it out. Not quite X-E, but there's lot's of pics to make up for the shitty writing.
Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 04/11/2004 03:03 AM EST
A friend told me that they got a free sample -- because they helped Just Born in market research -- of a Halloween Peeps. It will be shaped like a pumpkin, fully three-dimensionally pumpkin shaped (like the classic Peeps as opposed to the flat bunnies) with orange creme in the middle. If they follow through it sounds perfect for review.
Chestnuts roasted by Kit @ 04/11/2004 03:11 AM EST
Mugzy, I also enjoy them that way, or I can eat them fresh. I once let a pack of Christmas snowmen peeps go stale for about 2 weeks.
Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 04/11/2004 04:48 AM EST
I too despise the Peeps, I love sweet stuff, but eating one of those is like injecting yourself with pure cane sugar. I never got to try the Chocolate Peeps Matt spoke so highly of, but hopefully we'll see the return of those this fall, they actually may not suck.
Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 04/11/2004 04:53 AM EST
Peeps? Bah...Never eat the stuff. Now Cadbury Eggs, on the other hand....Well, lets just say that I'm on my 8th four pack in two weeks
Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 04/11/2004 06:41 AM EST
HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!
First easter wish (i think) booya!
Great article...shame ive never eaten a peep :(
Chestnuts roasted by vyle @ 04/11/2004 06:42 AM EST
Wow, I had no idea that the feild of computers reading words out loud had progressed so far. Although, I guess I should have expected it, as the last time I had a computer read anything to me was on an old Macintosh, which is probably about 20 years old by now.
Dr. Sbaitso's wife emphasises words like William Shatner does.
Chestnuts roasted by The Waffle Man @ 04/11/2004 07:21 AM EST
Has anyone seen the commercials looking for investors in Box Office Express? Matt, imagine if you could get some to exclusively carry X-E related movies and video games. You would be a thousandaire in no time. Copy and Paste:
http://www.franchiseworks.com/aed_movie_rental_franchise_video_
rental_vending_franchise_dvd,_video_games,_movies_vending_kiosk
_business.htm
I guess Sesame Street's 35th birthday was last week: www.sltrib.com/2004/Apr/04022004/friday/153324.asp
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 04/11/2004 09:11 AM EST
After reading the Sesame article, I checked Kevin "Elmo" Clash's credits and he was the voice of Splinter in the first two Ninja Turtles movies. The third movie had someone other than Henson Creature Shop do the puppets, so I can figure that is why he did not return. www.imdb.com/name/nm0165159/
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 04/11/2004 09:20 AM EST
Like listening to the audio version of "ChocoBliss" isn't the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life! It's too good. Hahaha! Happy Easter!
Chestnuts roasted by Goonie4Life @ 04/11/2004 09:23 AM EST
the peeps look pre chewed and left under a couch o_O
Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 04/11/2004 09:41 AM EST
I posted this once before, but now it makes sense to post it:
DJ Swamp's "Worship the Robots"
http://www.djswamp.com/videos/worshiptherobots28mb.mov
http://www.unpop.com/features/int/swamp.html
"UNPOP: What about getting the robot voice to work?
DJ Swamp: Man, I never even knew if I was able to do it. It was the first time I heard anyone do it, where you type in the entire rap. Then you have to chop every single syllable and beat on Pro Tools. It took me a year but it was worth it. I like how it came out. I was sure someone was going to beat me to it. Luckily, I have the record out.
UNPOP: I think Radiohead used the same computer voice on OK Computer.
DJ Swamp: That is so easy. Just type the shit in and say it. I made it rap. I used the same voice because I knew people would know the voice because both Radiohead and Beck used it. There are twenty voices you can use. People know that the 'Fred' voice is in Simple Text but I am going to make the motherfucker rap. That is what is hard to do. 'Fred' is a legend now. He has a career ahead of him. If I called him, then I would have to pay him. I don’t even know if 'Fred' exists, it might be all computer generated from day one. If it is a sample, Word is not a big enough file to carry that big a sample."
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 04/11/2004 09:55 AM EST
OMG a Marshmallow Peeps maker! My life is now complete.
Chestnuts roasted by Meawad @ 04/11/2004 12:02 PM EST
peeps are the nastiest thing ever.the only thing that rivals thier shittyness are those orange circus peanut things.i retch just thinking about them.
Chestnuts roasted by meef @ 04/11/2004 12:05 PM EST
Don't care for Peeps, myself but great article anyway. I'm a Cadbury man myself. Especially the Carmel kinds. Those and the huge reeses peanut butter eggs... *Homer Simpson happy-gurgle*.... I'm gonna go to the store....
Chestnuts roasted by Blaine @ 04/11/2004 01:25 PM EST
I'd be tempted to eat a package of the coloured sugar to see if it made my tongue turn different colours.
Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 04/11/2004 01:38 PM EST
I'm no "Peeps" fan, and not even all that big on marshmallows. Give me the huge chocolate, coconut-filled eggs the Fudge Kitchen makes every Easter. They cost a pretty penny (which is why we no longer recive them in our Easter baskets), but are among the most delicious candies in the world. They're also among the richest, so they can only be nibbled on, but that's not a bad thing. Some things were meant to be nibbled on.
Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 04/11/2004 02:35 PM EST
This year for the first time I got the brilliant idea to try and roast my Peeps. The sugar that doesn't end up all over the stove carmelizes and turns into a hard candy shell, and it becomes the most delicious confection I have ever had the priviledge of tasting. Candy of the gods.
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/11/2004 04:32 PM EST
matt, the peeps come out better looking if you spray the molds with PAM first. It's a great toy/confectionary device.
Chestnuts roasted by Rono @ 04/11/2004 04:33 PM EST
Not sure how the Owl Dissection Kit article was semi-related to the Peeps Maker article. Should I be scared? Maybe an article on horse hooves or carrageenan could tie it all together, in a wierd, biological sort of way.
Is it Howard Hesseman or Howard Heeseman? Howard Hessman? Howard Hessmann?
OT: anyone here watch Survivor? Who thinks Romber (Rombah) is going to take it to the F2? Should Rupert, Alicia, Big Tom and Jenna mutiny? Will "Core of Hatred" Kathy and SheepAnn be pagonged?
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/11/2004 05:04 PM EST
What are you trying to do Matt? I had to go and eat few Peep bunnies after reading your article. You have this sick power of me, your articles make me do things!
Like when I had to go to Wendy's and order off the dollor menu. Or when I had to run over to American Science and Surplus and buy loads of shit I didn't really need(ok I can't complain about that one, AS&S is awsome, and I love rainbow camelion stickers, good thing their only a few minutes away).
I just dread whats going happen when you write an article about killing celebrities. On the other hand that might be a good thing.
Chestnuts roasted by Don't Touch, Willy. @ 04/11/2004 06:21 PM EST
I hate peeps, I'm sorry Matt.
Chestnuts roasted by ANdrew @ 04/11/2004 06:43 PM EST
You know, that rally cheerd me up...I need to go buy peeps now to make me feel less depressed...
Chestnuts roasted by Allie @ 04/11/2004 06:44 PM EST
"The molds are adequate enough, but they provide Peeps of a much smaller persuasion than what we're used to buying in stores. Don't expect full-sized Peeps; for just fifteen bucks, you take what you can get."
Nice use of semi-colon!
Chestnuts roasted by Dane @ 04/11/2004 07:22 PM EST
yay! 39. why are people so excited about being the first to comment..."yay! i didnt read his article, but i'm first to comment..whoo hoo!" anyway..i'm a goin try NON PIG FLESH marshmellows
Chestnuts roasted by nelson @ 04/11/2004 08:56 PM EST
I love Mrs. Sbaitso! Originally I listened to hear my favourite bit about the ice cream machine mystery, but almost shat when I heard the last few words, spoken with complete valley girl-ish attitude..."those chips were really disgusting". She sounds exactly like Romy..."I invented post-it's."
Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 04/11/2004 11:20 PM EST
Peeps kick ass. I feel like I should check for cavities every time I eat one, but they're still good.
Cadbury Creme Eggs kick ass. The goodness of chocolate mixed with pure... well, I don't really know what that stuff's made of, but it's great.
Peeps + Cadbury Creme Eggs = ... ?
I'll tell you what, extreme ass-kickitude that's what.
The only way you could improve that equation would be to add in those little round caramel things that have the creme in the middle.
@:^)% <--- Bond... James Bond
Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 04/12/2004 12:57 AM EST
Whoa, Peeps Diaramas!
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/12/2004 01:25 AM EST
That peep diarama seriously freaked me out.
Chestnuts roasted by Ashj @ 04/12/2004 01:43 AM EST
I have, honest to God, never once consumed a marshmallow peep.
Chestnuts roasted by brentmisato @ 04/12/2004 02:55 AM EST
"Queer Eye for the Straight Peeps." I'm finding it hard to believe these Peeps have sexual identities. Too funny.
Chestnuts roasted by Goonie4Life @ 04/12/2004 03:41 AM EST
Well, no Peeps this year. Not that I'm complaining. I honestly hate Shmallows.
Chestnuts roasted by Nate (Mr. Shmallow? Naw, same ole Nate.) @ 04/12/2004 04:21 AM EST
The "South Peeps" one was pretty funny.
Is anyone else's dog hawking up yellow and pink Easter grass? My dog just can't seem to get enough, yet feels compelled to yak it all back up in a sparkly, chunky dog food mucus shake. Blech. At least it's not coming out the other end, yet. Then we'll get to see him do the doggy dingleberry dance while skidding his hairy butt along the ground.
I love Easter! :-P
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/12/2004 08:46 AM EST
I bet you made them look shitty on purpose :P The results look more like cotton candy...
Chestnuts roasted by Recoil @ 04/12/2004 10:02 AM EST
Peeps are decent, not the worst thing you could have but not as awesome as the mystical Cadburry Egg. I also tend to like Easter a lot, especially this year since it was the same day as my birthday. Anytime you manage to get cash from relatives and enough chocolate to last you for 4 months its a big score!
Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 04/12/2004 11:21 AM EST
I coulda used the Peep syringe to help get my brain back together. As it stands, I think I scooped up somebody's memory of their first sexual experience by accident. Amazingly, it too involves Peeps and Cadbury eggs. I still suggest putting a Peep in a vacuum jar. Watching them decompress is fun, then they shrivel when the air is put back. (switches to Thomas Dolby mode) Science!
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/12/2004 11:58 AM EST
Do Peeps explode in the microwave? I must know.
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/12/2004 12:04 PM EST
I'm a vegan - no Peeps for me.
However, I must than Matt for mentioning Dr. Sbaitso. I've been searching for the spelling of that name for the past seven or eight years. Life is good again!
Chestnuts roasted by Tougi @ 04/12/2004 12:39 PM EST
So any plans to tie a robot file to every other new article? I think "Krang's Body" should have a wav. file...
Chestnuts roasted by Roddy @ 04/12/2004 12:57 PM EST
yeah for Tougi! vegan pride!!! aiight
Chestnuts roasted by nelson @ 04/12/2004 02:08 PM EST
Regarding the audio commentaries:
Aside from the censoring of "offensive" language (except when used in a compound word such as "shitload"), it's not TOO bad; it could have been much worse...
It leads me to wonder: Matt, have you ever considered making an audio recording of an article yourself? Perhaps typing the article as you normally would, then recording (yourself?) reading the text, uploading the article and labeling any accompaning graphics as "Figure 1", "Figure 2", etc?
Ex. "...and figure 8 was the result."
It might be an interesting change-up for the regular readers of X-E...
Chestnuts roasted by Scott C @ 04/12/2004 02:37 PM EST
The tone that goes through my head when doing these articles is nothing I could duplicate with my actual voice. I'm an extremely incoherent speaker, honestly. To the point where I talk mostly in code to the people I'm close with, because they're not going to understand me anyway and it's better to annoy them less with only half the words.
In short, I'm probably the worst candidate to read 'em. :) I think Robot Girl could be taught to do 'em a bit better -- I'd have to redo my syntax and eliminate all the made-up words and whatnot, but we'll see. I wouldn't present 'em as anything but a gag, but I'll still be putting some more up tonight or tomorrow...whenever my friend has a chance to make some more.
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/12/2004 02:45 PM EST
I really enjoyed listening to the articles, but I love me some made-up words. Maybe if you spelled them fo-net-ick-ally.
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/12/2004 04:26 PM EST
Peep torture!
http://www.tenholder.net/peeps/
http://www.peepresearch.org/
Meef, how dare you talk bad about circus peanuts! Peeps blow, but leave the peanuts out of it.
Chestnuts roasted by Trampus @ 04/12/2004 08:10 PM EST
All of my Peep questions have been answered. Thanks, Trampus.
Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/12/2004 08:36 PM EST
I've never seen or had a marshmallo peep in my entire life. Do they have them in Canada?
Chestnuts roasted by CasinoRoyale @ 04/12/2004 08:41 PM EST
we bought the mcdonalds fry maker once- it was just bread cut into strips.
a little bit off topic: marshmallow fluff is in australia! yay! we got it from BI-LO but look around and you will find it.
Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 04/12/2004 10:52 PM EST
Gross. Those things are nasty.
Chestnuts roasted by nbw @ 04/12/2004 10:54 PM EST
If those people at World Wrestling Entertainment had any brains at all, they'd have Christian shilling the Peeps. Couldn't you just see it? Christian offering Peeps to his Peeps. Imagine what it would do for Christian's image too, this tough wrestler doing commercials about how much he loves his fluffy, sugary, soft Peeps.
Hmm, I guess that's why I don't have a job in marketing.
Chestnuts roasted by Trent @ 04/12/2004 11:38 PM EST
Honestly, and I in no way intend this to be a cheap shot, it's kind of like listening to some of the women on NPR with the "neutral", almost Canadian, accents... the sort of accent the "Delicious Dish" sketches on Saturday Night Live were spoofing. But the technology is reaching a point where the mental image that comes to mind when I hear a "voice" like that is a sexy anime android babe like Alpha Hatsuseno from Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou and not Stephen Hawking, nothing against Stephen Hawking.
I have some experience fooling around with voice synthesis programmes and I find the best voices currently are the French voices, probably because French spellings are a bit more standardized than in English, with the accents and cedilles and all. One thing I love to do is cut-and-paste English-language text and have it be read by a "French" voice, because, since it reads all the English words pronouncing the vowels and consonants the French way, you get interesting sounding gibberish that's like one of those short cartoons where the characters chatter and the chatter is almost a recognizable language but not quite.
Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 04/13/2004 04:19 AM EST
Seriously, the best article ever. I was chuckling along, and then it came to the final picture, that of your final peep product, and that's when I lost it.
So great.
Chestnuts roasted by emer @ 04/13/2004 11:54 AM EST
I'm more of a Cadbury Egg person, myself. Depending on the color of the peep, the more it will be bitter or sweet.
Cadbury Eggs are pure, unadulterated sweetness to the max! I can't eat more than two, though.
Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 04/13/2004 03:28 PM EST
The other day I was driving in my car and saw someone in an old pickup truck throwing peeps at another car. Very wierd, I drove over a few of them and had peep in my wheel well when I got home. Road kill peeps.
Chestnuts roasted by Bill W @ 04/13/2004 05:33 PM EST
In regards to the Cadbury Creme Eggs article (which doesn't allow comments to be posted):
I actually removed the foil wrapper in one piece!
Click here to see. It won't let me post the actual image through this comment.
But it's not entirely impossible! :)
Keep up the great articles!
Chestnuts roasted by Amanda J @ 04/13/2004 11:02 PM EST
good going Amanda J! our creme egg wrappers are a bit different. ours are mostly blue in colour and the chicks are smaller...
Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 04/14/2004 03:43 AM EST
And now, the band you've all been waiting for, the greatest mother-rockers of them all: THE ROAD KILL PEEPS!!
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/14/2004 12:29 PM EST
Peeps are definitely on our not-to-be-taken-internally list owing to son's corn allergy. Nevertherless, stalwart (i.e. nutty) mother that I am and deeply indebted to Martha Stewart for her recipe, son and I made Peeps from scratch a few years ago. Must confess they looked more like yours than Martha's! We called them Bunny Poop. Son loved them! No one else would touch 'em!
Chestnuts roasted by Rexa @ 04/14/2004 12:52 PM EST
Nelson, your website freaks me out just a little bit.
Chestnuts roasted by Tougi @ 04/15/2004 08:18 PM EST
This seems like a lot of work to go through to make little marshmallow candies. I am inherently a very lazy person. In fact, I'm so lazy that I didn't even read the whole freakin' article.
Let me know when there is a Peeps delivery service so I can just have them dropped off at my door. Then maybe I can find myself a wife to feed them to me. Nah, I'm too fat to find a wife.
-word up.
Chestnuts roasted by Alfredo McSqueezerton @ 04/26/2004 01:58 PM EST
A shout-out to all my Peeps!
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/30/2004 02:37 PM EST
I wanted to comment about a link that is on this article, about the Snoopy Ice Snow maker or whatever its called. The toy where you shave ice to make a sno cone. You know, they dont tell you this secret, this is one of my own - the ice is a bitch to grind up into tiny pieces when your 5 or 6. If you pour kool-aid or any other kind of drink into ice cube trays, then shave those up when their frozen, its a hell of a lot easier, and you dont have to buy any refill packs. And it tastes 10 times better than the shaved ice.
Chestnuts roasted by Sarah @ 06/07/2004 02:22 PM EST
Peeps are an abomination upon the Earth. If I had to choose between eating a marshmallow Peep and being raped by the entire town of Inbred Gulch, AK, well... I'd eat the Peeps, but I'd probably question my decision afterwards.
Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 07/04/2004 06:53 PM EST
I just found CHOCOLATE FILLED, pumpkin shaped marshmallow peeps in the dollar store near my home in NC. Six otherwise ordinary official peeps with a little disk of chocolatey goo in the middle all for a buck. Surprisingly like regular peeps, but for $.20 each, a damn miracle.
Chestnuts roasted by Mac @ 09/08/2004 11:13 PM EST
I just found CHOCOLATE FILLED, pumpkin shaped marshmallow peeps in the dollar store near my home in NC. Six otherwise ordinary official peeps with a little disk of chocolatey goo in the middle all for a buck. Surprisingly like regular peeps, but for $.20 each, a damn miracle.
Chestnuts roasted by Mac @ 09/08/2004 11:13 PM EST
Peeps: the only thing I hate most when the Easter season comes around. Not to mention the nastiest seasonal candy except for those little hard candy hearts that you get from people on Valentine's day because they didn't want to spend any money to get you good chocolate and caramel creamy candy. Same concept here with the peeps. No, I'm too cheap to buy you any candy, so eat this cheap crap instead.
Chestnuts roasted by Jonathan @ 09/09/2004 02:47 PM EST
I am a rare species.
I am one of the very few who actually despises Peeps (and with a passion, I might add)
Easter was never a pleasant time for me. I am the fancy-pants "Hershy Bar with Almonds and almonds only, dammmit" type people in the world.
A giant chocolate bunny, "Starburst" brand jelly beans, and a bunch of rock-hard marshmallow crap piles just doesn't do it for me.
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Chestnuts roasted by tax preparation fees @ 11/06/2004 04:03 PM EST
Yay! Spam!
Chestnuts roasted by Trout Spanker @ 11/07/2004 12:35 AM EST
Come on, you know I had to do at least one Easter article. You've probably heard of the 
