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02/25/2004 Entry: "New Article: "Critters 4" Movie Review!"

Wrapping up the series, here's my review of "Critters 4." It's the last call for the Crites, who do their best to make one final impression with the help of Brad Dourif and Angela Bassett's ass. Not the way I envisioned the Critters saga concluding, but hey, at least they tried something different. Set fifty years in the future, the Critters are back in outer space and ready to eat more people you couldn't give two shits about. Review includes two video clips and three pictures of the aforementioned ass.

REPLIES: 47 comments

Kennef Badminton, yeah.

Chestnuts roasted by kennef @ 02/25/2004 02:54 PM EST

Critters vs. Baboochi!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/25/2004 03:03 PM EST

Awesome, Matt! I've been following all of the [i]Critters[/i] reviews, and though I've never seen the flics, I've enjoyed the series through X-E. I think I've even been convinced to dig through to the bottom of the $3.00 used video bin at the video store if I ever see 'em in there. (It's a huge bin for a 5'4", short woman to dig her way to the bottom of, so I really have to be motivated to dig through it).

That and Leprechauns in space. Another keeper. With tits in it, as I recall. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 02/25/2004 03:06 PM EST

Pick up the first two Critters flicks, and the first two Ghoulies flicks. Guaranteed good time if you're into this sort of movies.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/25/2004 03:09 PM EST

Ok, back and with an appropriate comment. Critters look like shih tzu's...shih tzus that wake up in the middle of the night to throw up and whisper things like, "I hate you". Bizzzounce.

Chestnuts roasted by Kennef @ 02/25/2004 03:13 PM EST

Matt, why does UGO use your last name too, but you never mention it on the site?

Chestnuts roasted by kennef @ 02/25/2004 03:14 PM EST

Holy crap, gotta get a flybar!

Not much more to say other than that. Hope we get another Transformers, He-man, G.I. Joe, or Thundercats episode review soon. I always like those, and seems like X-E hasn't had one for forever.

The Chia Pet adventure is fantastic Matt! It reminds me of the multiple pokemon articles or multiple mystery peanut articles. Ah the good old days of X-E! (not that I love it any less these days)

Chestnuts roasted by rizz @ 02/25/2004 03:14 PM EST

Rizz: I definitely plan to turn back to the old MOTU series soon. G.I. Joe's a bit tougher...I'd rather sit through the DVD set and get a better memory of its continuity first. MOTU never had much continuity, so any old episode will do. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/25/2004 03:16 PM EST

If you ever see a movie called Blood Gnome in the video store keep well away, the cover might fool you into thinking that it's a Critters/Ghoulies, but it's just a 90 minute advert for S & M.

Chestnuts roasted by Brad @ 02/25/2004 03:19 PM EST

"Wait till you see it inner beveled." Best inadvertent innuendo I've heared yet. Right next to "He's off thoroughly enjoying himself." I think I saw a real Leprechaun in a used video bin once, Molten. Didn't check to see if it had tits, though.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/25/2004 03:20 PM EST

I'd have to say the movie Future War (which was on MST3K) has to be on eof the best/worst sci-fi movies ever. I couldn't believe the movie was released in 1995 because the effects weren't even worthy of bad 70's effects. i.e. the dinosaurs they were fighting in the movie were held very close to the camera to give the APPEARANCE of being large. And the puppets they used were very low quality as well. The plot of the movie is a puzzler: Dinosaurs and cyborgs with mullets come to modern time to wreak havok on modern day Earth. I'm guessing the entire budget of the movie was spent on hiring "legendary" B-movie actor Robert Z'Dar. Pretty much the only thing legendary about him the the size of his friggin' humungous chin.
And on the subject of little human eating creatures another entry into this subject is the movie Hobgoblins. Hobgoblins are the bastard children of the Critters and the Gremlins. These pieces of crap were nothing more than stuffed animals with silly lookin faces. This was also a MST3K movie and rightfully so. It glorifies what sucked in the 80's.

phunqsauce@yahoo.com

AIM and Yahoo Messenger: phunqsauce

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 02/25/2004 03:24 PM EST

Critters four was my least favorite too, but that happens a lot when horror movies try four. Although the 4th Alien movie blew the third out of the water. I thought Alien 3 sucked!

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 02/25/2004 03:39 PM EST

Actually you should be pretty content with the number of words in your movie reviews, some other site just has way too many words, and makes it a chore to read.

Another thing I've been kind of shocked by is that there is nudity and bad words and stuff in videos. :) It's easy to forget all the stuff they cut out to show it on cable or broadcast TV.

Also older video tapes just have the movies on them, no previews or commercials that you need to fast forward through.

Chestnuts roasted by dfgjh @ 02/25/2004 04:05 PM EST

Go Nudity!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/25/2004 04:15 PM EST

Matt, thanks so much for having the guts to review all the Critters movies. I've been a big fan of....the first two since a friend introduced 'em to me a couple summers ago, so they hold a special place in my heart.

I saw this and the 2nd movie back to back on Sci-Fi Channel once, and I was sorely disappointed with this one. Too standard, not enough Krites....It didn't work. My mom was shocked to see Angela, though.

And the geeky guy was Brad Dourif? Huh, you learn something new every day.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 02/25/2004 04:25 PM EST

I used to watch the critters movies all the time, both my cousins and i had all the movies (each). they are all out on dvd right now for 15 bucks each, a lil pricy for the moment.

Chestnuts roasted by alex diimig @ 02/25/2004 05:43 PM EST

Matt and I may disagree with some things, but we agree on this: Gremlins 2 is the greatest movie ever made. Not so much so that it makes stuff like Critters GOOD, however.

15 bucks for Critters? Ripoff...

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 02/25/2004 05:50 PM EST

In addition to Brad and Angela, there was that asshole Leo from Twin Peaks, albeit a little tiny truckload fatter. FYI. LOL. BBQ.

Also, another quadrilogy (tetralogy?) worth noting is "Tremors." Graboids and Fred "Remo" Ward getting all footloose 'n' shit.
And... you can practically observe the journey Michael Gross made from Woodstock to Ruby Ridge.

Chestnuts roasted by D-d-dave-some @ 02/25/2004 06:44 PM EST

Caracappa

I thought stupid movies was something you would have given up during Lent...

I know most of the movies reviewed on here are supposed to be stupid, but Critters4 was in a class of its own. I actually saw 4 before any of the others, meaning i had no desire to see the previous movies.

Reviews im still waiting for...

Army of darkness (has that been reviewed yet? maybe it has...)
Any of the Friday movies, NOES gets 3 or 4 reviews, whereas Friday doesn't get ANY

Chestnuts roasted by ANdrew @ 02/25/2004 08:06 PM EST

Speaking of MSTed movies, there was one called "Devil Doll" or something. It was a b&w British movie about a ventriloquist dummy that killed people. It, to date, is the only MSTed movie I can't bring myself to watch. Even Mike, Tom, and Crow couldn't make me watch it.

Chestnuts roasted by ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot @ 02/25/2004 08:58 PM EST

And here I thought I was the only person who'd seen all of the critters movies!

Chestnuts roasted by Will @ 02/25/2004 09:05 PM EST

I met Brad Dourif at a collectible convention to get his autograph, since he played Grima Wormtongue in LOTR. Anyway, he was also in Mississippi Burning, a movie starring Gene Hackman and Willem Dafoe. Anyway, there's this scene where Gene Hackman grabs Brad Dourif by the balls. I asked about that scene when I met him and he said his mother never came to see him film any of his movies, and that was the one day she decided to come see him filming one. What an awesome anecdote.

Matt, I'm glad you stuck with Critters until the bitter end. I always like to see my projects through.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Monkey @ 02/25/2004 09:23 PM EST

"Critters 4" ain't the only sci-fi movie where Angela Bassett mooned the viewer:

http://www.celebritymoviearchive.com/tour/name.php/1155

Hey, know what other lame ass movie was spaced themed? "Mac & Me"! How about a review?

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 02/25/2004 10:41 PM EST

I actually sat...through...the...soliloquy. I suppose I'm used to conferences and lectures, because I simply found it to be a Shatner on speed sort of speech. A completely pointless Shatner on speed, nevertheless.

One thing I truly enjoyed, in one of those low budget movie moments (almost like seeing the boom mike) was the "reflected computer numbers" bit. Would it be so hard to get the numbers to be BACKWARDS on his face? Is there not one single prop and effects guy in the low budget cinema world that has actually taken the two seconds to figure out how that should look? Or if it's even worth doing (since a computer screen would realy just come across as a dim light anyway).

Just had to get that out. Maybe the soliloquy did do brain damage.

Review the Big Mac for Me!

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 02/25/2004 11:30 PM EST

Matt, I've always wondered if you went to college to learn how to write about bad movies and goofy toys. Now I know that I can drop out, and still be in good company.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 02/26/2004 12:43 AM EST

Aaah, when they run out of ideas for sequels, the space theme never fails. Weve hade Jason in Space, leprachaun in space, critters in space, muppets in space...

Chestnuts roasted by Great Bison @ 02/26/2004 02:49 AM EST

Matt, I sat through that monologue...

holy shit, you work hard for this site. That shit was exasperating.

Chestnuts roasted by Chopstick Sensei @ 02/26/2004 04:40 AM EST

Woohoo! Finally another movie review..
Thanks Matt, you make it fun to start up my internet browser these days :)

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 02/26/2004 06:54 AM EST

Matt is so right! If they made a Gremlins 3, and even though they are asexual, they would give gizmo a girlfriend. That would make me lose faith.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 02/26/2004 08:36 AM EST

If I was Matt, I would never, ever review Mac and Me.

Chestnuts roasted by i was a lion @ 02/26/2004 05:37 PM EST

Matt, when you do get around to M&M, please include A-wel Cruiz in the review.

The director had at least one fan:
http://chud.com/forums/showthread.php?s=32c97a01cede5efc9f451967c6413f40&threadid=55745

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 02/26/2004 06:14 PM EST

i got SOMEThing betterrr !!! check it out
hit the button http://gangstaguro.flappie.nl http://gangstaguro.flappie.nl http://gangstaguro.flappie.nl
plussss the critters and this one is with comedy

Chestnuts roasted by dello @ 02/26/2004 07:45 PM EST

Am I terribly sick if I find Brad Dourif oddly attractive?

Chestnuts roasted by GJ @ 02/26/2004 11:10 PM EST

"negotiably" skeptical??

Chestnuts roasted by Eric Relevant @ 02/27/2004 03:16 AM EST

I was into the critter movies a little too much back in my younger days, still classics in my book. Wait for the credits to get done rolling in the fourth one, you'll get to hear a critter scream...Critters 5, in the making?

Chestnuts roasted by chives @ 02/27/2004 04:12 AM EST

Desire to kill Al.. 94%
Lethargy induced by his unrepentant monotone.. 95%

Cannot.. overcome.. kill.. me..

Wait I can fantasize about chocolate cake. That will make it better.

Chestnuts roasted by B @ 02/27/2004 11:57 AM EST

Finaly we close the the Critters saga. And it is a saga. It feels like yesterday was that warm summer day that I spent inside watching all the Critters movies on a Sci-Fi Channel marathon. What a mark it made on my life.

And by mark I mean negative. Sure it entertained me for a few hours. Ya know kept me inside in front of the television instead of playing other kids, developing critical social skills. No wonder I'm all alone =( But top notch movies, A+++ all 'round!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Stephan Erkel @ 02/27/2004 05:34 PM EST

Somehow I have the feeling Im going to be dreaming of Angela Bassit's ass tonight...Thanks Matt. Thanks alot. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Allie @ 02/29/2004 12:41 AM EST

"sporadic audio, some video, central logic is 50%. Nearly neanderthal." 'nuff said. The things you do for us little people :)

Chestnuts roasted by iivuli @ 02/29/2004 02:34 PM EST

did anyone else notice that the orange guy was leo from twin peaks.. perhaps im sadistic but that was fun inna bun.

Chestnuts roasted by NatE @ 02/29/2004 03:45 PM EST

Speaking of really bad, but funny movies...Did anyone see House of the Dead? I expected it to be terrible, but not that funny, but it was terrible and hilarious, worth checking out.

Chestnuts roasted by The Germanator @ 03/01/2004 12:13 AM EST

Matt, can you post the video of Angela Bassets's ummm amazing assets cameo?

Chestnuts roasted by ColeCash @ 03/12/2004 05:49 PM EST

Hey, that guy...looked a little bit like Radar O'Riely from MASH.

Chestnuts roasted by sarah @ 03/18/2004 10:48 AM EST

ive got critters 4 on video and i wouldnt say the movie was great but im a big critters fan,even though ive only seen 1,2 and 4.

id give it a 6 outa 10.

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