02/05/2004 Entry: "Chicken T-Shirt"

The television is obstructed from view by the computer, so I'm finishing up some stuff I have to do, and can't help but hear Montel Williams giving his opening speech for whatever show he's got going now. I'm tuning it out almost to perfection like I always do...until he introduces his first guest. "Ladies and gentlemen....Dan Conner!"

I hopped up, knocked half of my equipment over, and wouldn't you know it...

It wasn't really Dan Conner. Not even close. This guy is like 150 pounds and Darlene's nowhere in sight. I never thought Montel would disappoint me like this.

New article up later today...

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 02/05/2004 11:48 AM EST

I always wanted to live in the Conner household, even though they were kind of poor, and they fought all the time. But they had the best Halloween's ever, Darlene's costume with the demonspawn coming out her belly made me pray I could be reborn out of Roseanne and live in that family.

Chestnuts roasted by Brrent @ 02/05/2004 11:51 AM EST

I had a total girl-crush on Darlene. She was so cool and sarcastic, I totally wanted to be her best friend.

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 02/05/2004 11:56 AM EST

Dan Connor? I work with him. He's lost weight and de-aged, but he's there...

Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 02/05/2004 12:21 PM EST

Having an episode of Roseanne on at 5:30 in the morning is the only reason I haven't found a new job that wouldn't require me to get up that early.

I always wished I was a Conner.

Chestnuts roasted by XviviX @ 02/05/2004 12:28 PM EST

And now Tom Arnold is an oven mitt.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 12:31 PM EST

I was just looking at IMDB and Becky's boyfriend/husband Mark lived in Ireland until he was 18, and then died of an overdose in 2002. Yikes.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 02/05/2004 12:54 PM EST

On 610 (sportsradio station) in Philly, they are broadcasting today as if it is 1983. It's very cool, and right up everybody's alley in here. Lot's of Cabbage Patch, Micheal Jackson, Atari, Star Wars talk!

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 02/05/2004 01:47 PM EST

Dan Conner: iconic father we all strive to be. That bitch had to kill him off though. Damn.

Chestnuts roasted by Gerald Furnari @ 02/05/2004 02:29 PM EST

Mark died fom an overdose of Ireland?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 02:36 PM EST

I never forgave them for killing Dan. Oh, and for making Darlene suddenly married to a guy several years her senior who she had always hated. And making Jackie a freaking lesbian! Bonus points for bringing "Ernest" on board, though.
I cannot BELIEVE that anyone on the planet can possibly enjoy Fake Becky. Lecy Goranson, the REAL Becky, now goes by Alicia Goranson, and apparently hasn't had too much work since Roseanne.
I'm sorry, but I've always blamed Fake Becky for the abysmal final season. She had absolutely zero chemisty with the actor playing her husband (RIP) and threw off the whole dynamic of the show. It's her fault they had to do the whole "twist" Darlene/Mark Becky/David ending.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 02/05/2004 03:16 PM EST

I just realized that Matt posted this at 9:11... creeeeeeeeeepppppppy

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 02/05/2004 03:19 PM EST

I hate to point this out, but original Becky came back to Roseanne for the last one or two seasons (her first episode featured a great line--Becky mouthed off to Roseamme, who responded that she [Becky] could be replaced).
In other words, really hot replacment Becky didn't kill the show, hot prodigal Becky did.

No matter. I liked them both. But at least Sarah Chalke can still be seen with some regularity.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 02/05/2004 03:59 PM EST

I always had a crush on the 2 boyfriends. what were their names, David and Mark? is that right?

By the way Matt, is it really your birthday today? If so, Happy Birthday!! a la Frosty the snowman. If it's not today, save the happy birthday from me for the real day.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 02/05/2004 04:43 PM EST

Yes, the first Becky came back for the second to last season but then she left again. I'm pretty sure that Becky #2 came back for the last one.

Chestnuts roasted by allicat @ 02/05/2004 04:44 PM EST

I found this site about Uncle Jesse from Full House and was too lazy to look up the blog entry about the show from a few days ago. This has to be looked at, because for no other reason, your life isn't complete until you've been told that you're not as sweet as Uncle Jesse.
http://www.wwujd.com/

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 02/05/2004 04:54 PM EST

Well, Matt I had no luck looking for tiger tails :(

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 02/05/2004 05:16 PM EST

I didn't realize that there was a third Becky switch. That gives an idea of how into the show I was by the time it died off.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 02/05/2004 05:20 PM EST

Holy Crap is this a stupid topic. Matt, I love your stuff man, but really... it's depreciated into this, a discussion about which Becky was the best? And really, give me a break... how abused of a childhood did you have to have in order to wish/hope/pray that you lived in that house?? Roseanne's a Psycho. Tom Arnold keeps dropping by. And that guy from Red Roof Inns is your mom's gay boss... to say nothing of the fact that your little brother would look exactly like Eddie Munster.

Wierd.

Sorry to be insulting, but really... I expect more from this. And in some wierd way, I sorta hope in my mind that this site is a revival of a cultural phenomenon, known as the 80's (and early 90's) and that the visitors here are simply troubadors of that time. - Instead, after reading the above blogs, it seems like this site must be a cultural wasteland for "squares" and "freakazoids" who somehow missed the boat when alternative music became cool.

Please-- try to find something insightful and meaningful to add. It is a disgrace to us all when your postings look like the ones above. You should not be proud of yourselves, you who've soiled this blog thus far... you should be ashamed. Ashamed of what you've done, and ashamed of yourselves.

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 02/05/2004 05:39 PM EST

The second Becky was better looking than the first... just my opinion. Dan Conner was the coolest part about Roseanne, I never watched the show until it started coming on re-runs on Nick At Nite. Dan was the kind of guy you could go have a few brews with, and then tell him that some dude hit on your wife and he'd go kick his ass.

Chestnuts roasted by Justus Cade @ 02/05/2004 05:40 PM EST

You're right. I'm sorry for my stupid posting about Becky #1 and #2. Its just that I really had an abused childhood and my dad wouldn't let us do much more than stay home and watch tv. But you're right TROLDD, this is stupid. Sorry Matt. Sorry everybody.

Chestnuts roasted by allicat @ 02/05/2004 05:43 PM EST

Wha?? What's this about again?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 05:44 PM EST

So you don't like my posting about Full House? You're a bastard! All of you are!!! I hate you all and I love Uncle Jesse!! I used to pray that I could live in that house, in San Francisco, with 3 other men. And one like plush toys.

Screw You Long Duck Dong!

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 02/05/2004 05:46 PM EST

Oh, sorry allicat. You really did have an abused childhood. Listen, I was only joking about that...

But for the rest of you--this is a stupid posting! Y'all suck! And Montel Williams' Bald head looks more like a penis with a mustache than any other non-penis thing I've ever seen... his head does not resemble my penis, mind you... but some generic penis out there... I should imagine. Maybe Axle Rose's penis.

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 02/05/2004 05:51 PM EST

Oh, great! My Bizarro-World counterpart is loose again. Just a sec... (dimensional portal powering up)

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 06:12 PM EST

The innocent, inoffensive post becomes all f'ed up. Wha' happened?

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 02/05/2004 06:28 PM EST

this is the strangest blog i think ever on X-E. Very interseting and not interesting comments...just like this one.

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 02/05/2004 06:34 PM EST

I was trying to find out if there was ever a figure made out of the Extreme Ghostbusters' character Garrett ( http://abilitymagazine.com/ghostbusters_story.html ) and it seems they never made one.

There are however a lot of other wheelchair action figures around:
here
http://members.aol.com/barbie2buy/shareasmilebecky.jpg
http://www.draddog.com/toys/retailaf/wcw-nwo/buffbagwell.jpg
http://411images.com/figures/simpsons/hawking13.jpg
http://www.sufferingsappho.com/pbg/shop/full/!oracle.jpg
http://store3.yimg.com/I/billbam_1774_15612537
http://gorillanation.studiostore.com/images/p/SOP/pdDLSOP0004.jpg

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 02/05/2004 06:35 PM EST

Have you ever heard about the Pac-Man the board game? We had it. Pac-Man scooped up marbles with his awkward plastic head around the board...*shudder*

I just felt like mentioning that.

Chestnuts roasted by Megan @ 02/05/2004 06:39 PM EST

Dan Conner, he's a man's man
Dan Conner, he likes spam in can
Dan Conner, he not real tan
Dan Conner, melts butter in a pan
Dan Conner, yes he can.

Chestnuts roasted by Daddy O @ 02/05/2004 06:46 PM EST

Megan: I think Matt did an article on the awfulness that is the Pac Man board game.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 02/05/2004 07:26 PM EST

I sometimes watch Montel when I'm not at school. Only when I'm sick, though, and that's because it doesn't matter what I'm watching because I feel too messed up to be able to pay much attention to anything... still, it's basically the same thing every time. Very formulamatic, like the Pokemon cartoon only with a real person helping real people's problems instead of Ash helping cartoon people's problems.

...man, I'm tired.

Chestnuts roasted by 9volt @ 02/05/2004 07:31 PM EST

I remember skipping school, or in the extreme rare cases being sick and having to stay home. I would mainly mess around on my computer (anyone remember BBS's?!) but when that got old I would have to watch the dreaded day time TV, which included Riki Lake, Montel, and The Price Is Right.

Chestnuts roasted by Justus Cade @ 02/05/2004 08:00 PM EST

I can't believe that Mark OD'd thats so fucked up, I just found out like a week ago that the kid from SeaQuest, Sidekicks, Ladybugs and The Neverending Story II killed himself last November, let us all have a moment of silence for Jonathan Brandis and the guy who played Mark.....

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 02/05/2004 08:32 PM EST

Whoa, hold the phone. Mark's dead?

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/05/2004 08:36 PM EST

Darlene aka Sara Gilbert is the sister of Melissa Gilbert aka Small Fry aka Laura Elizabeth Ingalls on Little House on the Prarie. Melisa is then married to Bruce Boxleitner aka Tron aka Captain Sheridan of Babylon 5. Ugh, I feel like a tool!

Chestnuts roasted by My sister made me watch Little House and my brother made me watch Babylon 5 @ 02/05/2004 09:07 PM EST

Yes, Matt, Mark is indeed dead. According to the IMDb he died in 2002 of a drug overdose. His name, by the way, was Glenn Quinn.

Chestnuts roasted by Thargett69 @ 02/05/2004 09:25 PM EST

Jeez, Matt, I posted that, like, 9 hours ago.

Isn't the point of the blog to mention all of the wierd little tidbits that don't make it to the rest of the site? It's not like he wrote an entire article about Faux Dan Conner and blasted the home page w/ it. Not that we wouldn't read it, mind you.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 02/05/2004 10:19 PM EST

Matt, thank you for fixing my link mistake.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 02/06/2004 04:37 AM EST

Yes, Real Becky came back for the penultimate season, but they brought Fake Becky back for the final season.

Good Lord. The only time there is any kind of "disgrace" on this blog is when asshole trolls with nothing to say show up. What would be "insightful and meaningful" in a blog about Dan Freaking Conner besides a discussion about Roseanne? And what kind of person who claims to be a troubador of alternative music (?) doesn't know how to spell Axl Rose?

Was this comment all an excuse to use the word "penultimate"? I'll let you be the judge.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 02/06/2004 04:16 PM EST

First of all I would like to say that there wasn't three Beckys Sean there were only 2.I also have a girl crush on Sara Gilbert, she's just so down to earth. I think I liked the first Becky better but I think that's only because she was there from the very first episode. And did anyone ever notice that Sara Gilbert was the only one of the kids that never changed on the show and never had another actress replace her? And also did anyone ever notice how much younger Sara looked and sounded then she actually was when she bagan the show?

Chestnuts roasted by Ultimate Sara Gilbert Fan @ 02/26/2004 08:15 PM EST

First of all I would like to say that there wasn't three Beckys Sean there were only 2.I also have a girl crush on Sara Gilbert, she's just so down to earth. I think I liked the first Becky better but I think that's only because she was there from the very first episode. And did anyone ever notice that Sara Gilbert was the only one of the kids that never changed on the show and never had another actress replace her? And also did anyone ever notice how much younger Sara looked and sounded then she actually was when she bagan the show?

Chestnuts roasted by Ultimate Sara Gilbert Fan @ 02/26/2004 08:16 PM EST