01/22/2004 Entry: "Today's Poll: School Troubles!"

I'm working on a new article as we speak -- should be up by this afternoon. Meanwhile, let's get another one of those surveys going. Okay, kind of a shitty one, but I'm curious nonetheless: in your various travels at school, from nursery up to high school, what's the most trouble you've ever managed to get yourself into?

I have a couple of good stories, but the best one is really embarrassing, so I'll save it for the comments section later today. Post yours!

Chestnuts roasted by Omni @ 01/22/2004 09:15 AM EST

someone threatened to shoot me because I was trying to sabotage my High School so that we wouldn't receive some prestigious award.

I ran across the baseball field as someone yelled "stop, or I WILL shoot you!!"

I'm a total fucking pussy, so I'm still amazed to this day that I didn't stop. I got dizzy from fear, fell on the street, bloodied up my work uniform, almost got hit by a car, and ended up throwing up from all the adrenaline in some girl's house while her stripper mom looked after me.

Our school ended up getting the award anyway, so it was all for naught... but that's life in O.C.

Chestnuts roasted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/22/2004 09:15 AM EST

Dude, I got nothing. I only got like three detention halls in highschool, I think mainly for tardies to class. I got one detention hall for a smart ass comment in a class, but I think that was so the teacher could impress the principal who was sitting in on class. I just did the harmless rebellion stuff, like grow my hair long, wear sandals, drink coffee, which was banned, in class, play guitar instead of going to study hall. This in rebellion to a school with a strict dress and appearance code. I was the harmless artsy, drama butterfly-collar-wearing hippy in school. Remember me?

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/22/2004 09:39 AM EST

me and jessica galvon (are you out there jessica?) staged a protest in 5th grade. the whole class got in on it and the substitute went insane. The next year we saw that sub and she was cold, bitter, and had two earings on one ear! Two...on one ear! It was the early 90's, she was pretty bad then.

In that same year (I think) we almost walked all the way to the generals house, which wasn't really that far away, but far enough that no one could see you if you went.

But by far, the most amazing "trouble" story is when I argued with my second grade teacher. She claimed that she could make a cloud over her stove and put it in a jar. I said that was impossible. To this day, I still think catching a cloud in a jar from an airplane is a far better way to get your very own cloud.

Chestnuts roasted by Kennef @ 01/22/2004 09:42 AM EST

I was always one of the wierd kids in school (still a wierd adult, now that I think about it) who was totally into horror movies and punk music and shit like that. Anyway, one day the librarian caught me reading some horror magazines (gorezone or something) She confiscated them and sent me to the principal. I felt that I had done nothing wrong, so I didn't bother going. I soon heard my name called on the P.A., so I was again sent to the principals office and I again didn't go. This started a day long hunt where I wandered all over the school, avoiding administraters. I managed to go the whole day without ever seeing the principal...He caought me the next day, but it was still a pretty mighty victory for that one day.

Chestnuts roasted by Trash @ 01/22/2004 11:05 AM EST

I can't remember getting into trouble at all in High School - never had a detention or anything. It was pretty much the same in Primary School too, but I do remember getting yelled at a lot by our psycho Headmaster then. I think I bit a girl once...that was probably the worst....it's not that I don't do bad things, I just don't get caught...ok..I've never done anything bad....still got 6 months left though!

Chestnuts roasted by Yally @ 01/22/2004 11:14 AM EST

I wanted to hang out with the "cool" kids so I went to the mall with these so-called "friends" while they shoplifted. I was too afraid to do it myself, but I acted as look-out. My "friend" stole a CD player and as we left, we were stopped by security. My "friend" was freaking out because he had an abusive father and would probably lose a couple of teeth when his dad found out. I knew this, so I decided to take the fall. I told security that I did the whole thing and he had nothing to do with it. He was sent home and I had to face the police and my parents. That sucked.
The next Monday I saw the "friend" at school and told him I had to pay $250. He had promised earlier that he would pay any fines, but he just laughed. He just walked away. Later, he and his friends pointed and laughed at me in the hall. I knew then that I had been duped. I took the fall for nothing. I saved this waste of skin from getting beaten by his father, paying a fine, and who knows what else with his priors and he just snubbed me. I learned a lesson that day: Don't just do something because your "friends" are doing it. I don't want to sound like an after-school special, but you need to have a little backbone and stick up for yourself. I did something I knew was wrong because I thought it would make me look cool and they would respect me. That is not the way to earn respect.
I went to a counselor (being underage) and told her what happened. I told her that I accepted whatever punishment because I had gone there with the intent to help them steal, which is as bad as taking the item myself. She thanked me for my honesty and I got off with just paying the fine. The thing is, I never told my parents the truth about what happened that day. They still think I did it. I feel it is in the past, I learned my lesson, and I am going to leave it there. I learned a lot that day.

One who commands our liking because of his virtue is called a good man. One who is sincere with himself is called a true man. He whose goodness is extensive and solid is called a beautiful man. He whose goodness is abundant and is brilliantly displayed is called a great man. When one is great and is completely transformed to be goodness itself, he is called a sage. When a sage is beyond our knowledge, he is called a man of the spirit.
— Mencius (371-289 BC)
Book of Mencius,VIIB.25

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/22/2004 11:14 AM EST

In grade 7 I was on my way to do my history final exam which I didn't study for at all. I was really worried what to do because if i didn't pass it, I'd probably have to repeat the grade. As I got off the bus, and started the hike to school, I noticed 2 guys were following me. Didn't regognize them at all, they weren't students.
As I got closer to school they asked me if I had the time. I said I didn't have a watch, but it must be close to 9:00am. They asked me where I was going and if I lived around here. Getting really nervous, I told them I was on my way to school. That's when one of them punched me in the ear and the other one kicked me in the snow. They grabbed my school bag and ran off. I made it to school and the principle phoned my dad and the police.
Eventually, they caught the guys, and were sent to juvenile hall. The school decided to pass me to grade 8. So it worked out in the end. A year later one of the guys got shot in the head at an arcade.

Chestnuts roasted by turkeys can't fly? @ 01/22/2004 11:46 AM EST

the most trouble i ever got into was when i got detention for a week because i teacher THOUGHT i rolled my eyes at her. how lame is that?

Chestnuts roasted by winkle @ 01/22/2004 11:52 AM EST

I never really got into trouble in school,but the closest was in high school when I kicked a kid who was teasing me just as the principal was coming around the hall. Nothing really came of it,just a nice talk with the principal.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 01/22/2004 11:56 AM EST

Eh... Mine arn't that bad.. I stay out of trouble. But I do have my worst two...

4th Grade - Got into a fight. Well, sure average except I got into more trouble because I don't fight like a normal person. I guess when I fight I fight to hurt, not strut and He had my arms pinned so I had but one alternative... I bit a chunk out of his arm, Living Dead style. ^^; Got in trouble and the rest of the kids thought I had rabies.

In High School, (And this is lame lame lame) I was doing some work on the library computer (Writing the definitive Chrono Trigger Walkthough, I'm a geek) and I was given three days suspension... FOR USING A DISK I BROUGHT FROM HOME! O_o!! WTF?! 3 Days?! They thought that using a disc from home that they were SURE could have been loaded with some terrorist computer virus was worth me losing 3 days education? Fine. :P I spent it playing video games. :P

Chestnuts roasted by Blaine @ 01/22/2004 12:02 PM EST

Waaay back in a very previous post, I mentioned that I may not cause much trouble, but I am a catalyst. Like that guy in the Twilight Zone episode, I might have just what you need. Well, once in high school, about this time of year, (this ain't no Large Marge story) my cousin asked me if I had a pen he could borrow, and wearing a coat with a lotta pockets, I said yes. Rummaging about, I pulled out a errant smoke bomb left over from New Years' and he grabbed it. He pulled out a lighter and talked about setting it off after school. He would get the fuse real close to the lighter and pull it away. Then, pppftt! sssssssssss! Ack! Put it out! The smoke filled the classroom and several others, thanks to an odd venting system. The room we were in was once the Home-Ec room, back in the day, so there was a sink to extinguish our mistake. So the hall to our little country school was soon filled with people glad for a break in the day. Of course we were given a talking to. But Cousin is a bit of a expert of B.S. and the Talkaround, so I had to change my coat, and all we had to do was write a paper about RESPOSIBILITY, which we never turned in. For the rest of the year, I was known as the guy who tried to burn the school down.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/22/2004 12:14 PM EST

I threw the main breaker when a bunch of Nerds were writing papers in the computer lab. Damn nerds.

Chestnuts roasted by Nerd Stompa @ 01/22/2004 12:26 PM EST

to make a good story short. i cursed out my kindegarden teacher. I dont remember why but I found out later that because of things she was doing to me she deserved it. If she got her way, I would have been put in a learning disabilities program and now I'm a college student at UCF who get's dean's list every semester so teachers sometimes deserve to be cursed out.

Chestnuts roasted by pennyrhps @ 01/22/2004 12:29 PM EST

Hi it's my first time commenting on the blog long time fan of the site tho.

I had two big trouble events and unfortunately for me they happened in the same year. Also because of a school screw up my parents found out about booth (even though they were well spread apart) at the same time.

I was not a child who used a great deal of language but once in 6th grade in an attempt to sound cool I decided to drop an F bomb.....fairly loudly..and the teacher heard. I got sent to the principals office I thought it would not be so bad since it was the end of the year and it was my first offense. Well it was the principals last year and as he told me he was glad he was leaving so he would not have to deal with kids like me anymore...then he opened up his bible and started reading stuff off to me. To say it was surreal is an understatement. The other one happened earlier in the year. I was known as a nerdy kid back in the day and to keep the story short I'll just say that I was having words with this other kid. I was sitting behind my desk and he grabbed me by the throat (the teacher was not in the room yet) I don’t know where it came from but I proceeded to get the strength of gods as from me seated position I pushed him and much to my surprise it was not only enough for him to let go but also so that he went over the desk behind him. I was championed that day. The next day....I WANTED MORE! Yea... I was a bad kid that day as I picked a fight with him, he didn't want to fight. This has gone on long enough so I'll end it by saying that yes I won the fight, however we got caught and I got in trouble big time. So remember kids don't get greedy in your lust for glory.

Chestnuts roasted by Thejyav @ 01/22/2004 12:32 PM EST

I remember writing on the wall in the bathroom and getting caught. They made me scrub the bathroom walls of all graffiti (one "f" or two?"). Gross, but informative. Apparently, I suck, but if I want a good time, Chrissy T. class of '94 gives good head.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/22/2004 12:51 PM EST

Most of my trouble (in high school) was not realizing that suspension was actually punishment instead of a vacation. So, if I ever got detention or Saturday school for something I would just push it a little further and get suspended instead. This happened at least three times. I'm not sure about other schools, but at mine if you skip Saturday you automatically get suspended. How great is that?

Besides that, I once threw up all over some 6th graders head when we were standing by the lockers. I was really sick that day. That was at the end of 8th grade and I still laugh every time I think about it, kinda twisted I guess.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (#2?) @ 01/22/2004 12:54 PM EST

Almost got banned from the University Radio Station for being part of a show during which a porn site was accessed on the station computer...

Chestnuts roasted by Pete @ 01/22/2004 12:57 PM EST

At our highschool, we had to take at least two years of foreign language classes. I decided to take german because...I don't know...it was the least-cool-sounding. Apparently I have a knack for language because I was consistently at the top of the class. The Frau (german teacher) decided that I would make a fine foreign exchange student. I agreed, and six months later I was sent to Germany for a semester. Long story short, I found out that you could smoke and drink legally at my age, I grew a little too fond of both, and was deported a month later. To this day, I'm still trying to kick the cigarette habit I picked up there (6 years ago!).

Chestnuts roasted by Franny Glass @ 01/22/2004 01:02 PM EST

I shot a man in PE just to watch him die.

Chestnuts roasted by Jordan @ 01/22/2004 01:03 PM EST

Well, back in my rebel days, which I think had to be grade one or two, me and a couple other kids used those white fake-chalk rocks that they used to put in playgrounds and under trees to draw pictures on the wall of the school. I think I remember crying while I tried to scrub it off, because they were threatening us with the strap, and I was scared straight ever since.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/22/2004 01:31 PM EST

Let's see... well, I'm probably the most stubborn person alive and have been since I was a kid, so in 1st grade my parents had to be called in for a conference with my teacher because I refused to do math. (What can I say, it sucks.) You'd think I would have learned my lesson after that, but no. In 3rd grade, the school instituted a new class that our grade was going to be the first to take. In my little 8-year-old mind, that was complete bullshit that we were going to have to do something the older kids hadn't had to, so I just tuned out the teacher every day and never did the homework. Cut to 3 months later, my homeroom teacher comes around to inspect all of our desks for cleanliness. Mine, unfortunately, was crammed full of about 50 untouched homework assignments for this new class, so she sent me home with all of them, plus a note for my Dad. Yeah, it was not a happy night.

Nothing much in middle school, except throwing up in French class on the TA's feet. (Whoops.) Almost got kicked off my high school swim team just for saying our practices weren't as tough as my year-round team's were. (Geez, overreact much?) Then in college, my roommates got arrested for blowing up trashcans inside dorm halls, but I thankfully wasn't around at the time. (Not that I, er, would have taken part in something so irresponsible, of course...) And then the next year, the whole men's swim team got in trouble because a select few of them kept referring to the women's team as "boxes". Assholes.

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 01/22/2004 01:38 PM EST

Oh yeah, and a college professor flipped me off once. That wasn't so much "trouble," though, as just "hey, guess who doesn't know when to stop with the smartass remarks?"

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 01/22/2004 01:40 PM EST

Cousin, Little Brother, and me made a kid with a slight learning disability cry 'cause he thought that by being in Special-ed he could be a smartass and not get taken down for it. An explosion of chalk dust proved him wrong. Once agin, Cousin sweet-talked the higher-ups and we got off with nothing, but Special Ed was lectured on his bad mood.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/22/2004 01:53 PM EST

When I was in high school, I was called to the principal's office for skipping class. Only...it wasn't actually me, it was the guy who had pretty much the exact same name as me (my last name has an "e", his has an "i". Otherwise the exact same name, first AND last). So I went in there, he started telling me I was going to get detention and I told him who I was. He saw the mistake and I was let off the hook. That's pretty much about it, I was boring.

I was an honour roll student, involved with the student government, and I had perfect attendance all throughout high school. Wow, I suck. Someone kick me. Maybe I can hook up with Doc Brown, travel back in time and make high school more entertaining for me?

Chestnuts roasted by geffin98 @ 01/22/2004 01:57 PM EST

I was a pretty good kid until 6th grade. It was my first year in Junior High and my sister was in her last year (8th grade) jr high so we'd walk to and from school together. Anyway there were these two girls who we'd always cross paths with on the walk home. One was in my sister's class, one was in 7th grade. The older of the two would always shout things at me but I would try to ignore them (being a good little doobie). One day it escalated to the point where the older girl got in my face. The younger of the two stood in front of my sister so my sister couldn't do much (not htat she would have anyway). So I'm staring up at this bitch who was 2 years older than me and halfway to cro magnon looking and she just hits me. I have no idea even now why. B ut something inside my head snapped and I beat the shit out of her. I had her down and some asshole who lived on the street had to pull us apart. The next day at school the police "youth officer" (must've been a slow day for truancies)showed up and I got called to the principal's office. The two older girls got in trouble, I didn't even though I caused more damage because I hadn't started it and I was younger and smaller but from that day on something inside me was messed up. I spent the rest of my school years in trouble until I dropped out.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/22/2004 02:51 PM EST

Well, it wasn't me, but an old friend of mine peed on her first grade teacher's desk once! The teacher wouldn't let her go to the bathroom, so my friend got on top of her desk, lifted up her dress, squatted down, and pissed all over it. True story.

Chestnuts roasted by Steph @ 01/22/2004 03:05 PM EST

Most trouble i ever go into was getting into a fight when i was in 7th grade. The other kid started it, when after i accidnelty spilled some milk on him he just started punching me. I fought back and kicked his ass. I ended up getting suspended for 2 days and getting kicked off the student council trip to washington d.c.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 01/22/2004 03:11 PM EST

Jeez, Stilewalker, way to keep things lighthearted...

Chestnuts roasted by jslay @ 01/22/2004 03:18 PM EST

I have two things, and they took place around the same year (7th grade). First, me and my friend decided that we were tired of music class, where all we did was watch musicals, so we picked a day to skip, the WRONG day. Wouldn't you know that the day we decided to skip, the fire alarm went off no more than five minutes into the period. All the classes were told to line up near the exits, but we were on the complete other side of the school, not with our music class. So, we were forced to line up with a 6th grade teacher, who we knew well, and also knew our rep of mischeif making. This teacher didn't ask questions, and assured us she'd tell the principal (who was our Ed Rooney)that we were with her, and even wrote our names down. After eveyone started to go back to their classes, we figured our best bet was to make our way to music, and using some excuse and the alarm going off, we were seemingly in the clear. But we weren't. The next class happened to be gym, and as we were in the locker room, we heard our principal SCREAMING that he wanted to see me and my friend RIGHT NOW. Well, we just knew that we were the ones gonna take the blame for the alarm. When we casually strolled out to the gym, everyone was looking at us, and our teacher said "I think you guys might be wanted in the office". When we got there, everyone was staring at us, and the secretary merely pointed to the principal's office, with a less than envious look on her face. Our principal wasted no time reading us the riot act, and this time, after all the little disturbances we've caused, he was finally gonna make good on his promise to expell us! When we were allowed to speak, we told him about the teacher who we stood with during the drill, and she even wrote out names down, we were nowhere near an alarm at the time. So, he called the teacher down, who, to our very faces, DENIED us being there, depsite "writing" our names down, and with about 70 kids as witnesses. That was it, we had been set up, our days of fun were over. But thank goodness for the vice principal, who was new that year, and didn't know us enough to judge, as she backed us up, and went so far as to say she saw us, which was a lie. The reason was because she knew what REALLY happened, the alarm was set off in the elementary school, you see all the schools are connected in one massive compound. And when principal Columbo decided to check the facts, we were absolved. Ok, this is getting too long, I'll post another for the other incident.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 01/22/2004 03:19 PM EST

Oh yeah, in 8th grade, two friends and I got sent to the principal's office because we were 'sniffing' white out (who hasn't, right?). I didn't get into much trouble, but the principal contacted my parents anyway. That evening my parents asked if I needed drug intervention. Because, as we all know, white out is a gateway drug, right?

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/22/2004 03:20 PM EST

Part two. Ok, this took place in math class, where my teacher had become my arch nemesis, since she seemed to gain pleasure making fun of me in front of everyone for no reason at all. Me, not being one to take that, always fired back with vicious comments of my own, ones that caused the class to erupt in laughter, and make her leave me alone. But she had an ace up her sleeve, one day, she decided to go all out. She did a verbal number on me, starting in on my intellect, moving on to insulting my future, pretty much saying what Emilio said to Bender in the Breakfast Club. I'd had enough however, and when the rage got to be too much, I stood up, and started my soliloquy with these three words, "You F***in' Bitch!", and the room just went silent, but I was done. I told her just what I thought about her, and that she had no right to speak to anyone like that, plus more stuff I can't remember since I was so angry. I swore and swore, and when I finally stormed out, she was in tears. But it didn't end there, when she made the report for the office, she decided to accuse me of throwing a desk, and acting as if I'd hit her! I most certainly wouldn't do that, and with 30 plus witnesses, I was cleared again, and ended up back in her class the next day, however after that, she left me alone.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 01/22/2004 03:32 PM EST

jslay - Come on, that's the most lighthearted story I have.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/22/2004 03:35 PM EST

I was a pretty decent kid all through school, what a loser... I think the worst ones that come to mind would be in pre-school I got slapped by another 4 year old for apperently hitting on her, I think thats actually my first memory. That and in the 4th grade, I got in a fight with my then best friend Austin, tackled him to the ground and made him eat gravel, which is a pretty shitty thing to do come to think of it, Austin told the principal and I got two days detention, not bad really for almost choking someone to death with the gravel ment to break your fall when you fall off the swings, go me!

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/22/2004 04:01 PM EST

Hm...my Italian class made my teacher cry in the seventh grade. That got us in deep poop.
...And then there was the time I almost got In School Suspension for "sexually harrassing" some kid. Total lies!
My friend actually DID recieve I.S.S. for grabbing that same kid's ass and writing sexual love letters though. (We're sick kids.)

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 01/22/2004 04:55 PM EST

Let's see, I have a million of these... I went to a catholic daycrae after school when I was in first grade. I don't remember why, but I was sent to the hall for some sort of acting up. While sittingthere, I just decided to leave, I walked right out the front door (as a 6 year old!) and headed for the highway. Some lady walking by asked where my mom was and I said "at work" so she made me stand there while she called the cops from a payphone. The cops came and I told them what happened so they returned me to the school. My mom took me out of there the next day. In elementary school, I used to get sent to the office nearly everyday for cursing or swearing. I would also buy comics and Fangoria magazine and read them while we were supposed to be doing other work. In junior high, me and some friends climbed on the roof of the school during spring break and were just screwing around, when the principal (who was a huge fat ass) saw us. He started yelling at us to get down, but since we knew he wouldn't be able to get up there to get us because he was a fat ass we wisely decided to begin taunting him and calling him names. He ran inside to call the cops, and we all jumpoed down and ran off. On the first day back after spring break I was shitting it because I thought I was going to be in tons of trouble, but he totally forgot about the incident, apparently. In high school I was in trouble way too many times to mention, but a really good one was after I had been kicked out of my school, I was going to school in a neighboring town for my senior year. I went to the State wrestling finals to watch some friends wrestle and I saw my old principal there, so i flipped him the bird. Later, I saw him I was coming out of the restroom and he said something stupid like "glad to see you think I'm number 1" or something... and I just said really loudly, "no that meant I think youre a f*ckin *sshole" or something like that... my friends at my old school all heard it and cheered me for days. And the principal couldn't do ANYTHING because I didn't even go to that school anymore... hee hee... all this trouble and I carried a 3.5 grade average too...

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 01/22/2004 05:27 PM EST

I was a clean teen so the most trouble I got in was in Grade 2. It was pizza day but because my Mom thinks money is not for a spending I had a crappy bag lunch. So I stole a donut to help supplement my PB&J, I was immediately caught and sent to the Principal's office, I claimed a Grade 8 kid had let me had it, but he saw right through my lies and made me cry. My mom took my side but I still got my name placed in the dreaded Black Book, which I then thought would dog me for life. Eh, I got in trouble but still made off with a free donut, and learned how to lie better. It came in handy the first time I got arrested.

Chestnuts roasted by Ka-Dave @ 01/22/2004 05:47 PM EST

I was the quiet and creepy kid in school and was far too paranoid about fucking up my future by getting a bad grade, except for when it came to Mr. Shultz's gym class, in which I took every opportunity to be my sarcastic self. I ended up with this guy for gym for three straight years, during which time we got to know eachother well enough that he was comfortable enough in my presence to call me "a waste of skin". (I am not bitter at all.) My favorite confrontation came when we were taking up dance. A friend of mine had kindly stabbed me in the arm with one of those compass things and I was bleeding a bit. I walk up to Shultz and ask if I can go get get a band aid or something, to which he told me to "get the hell out there and dance." Being the smart ass that I am and a sucker for early 90s stand up comedy I replied "Dancing is for black people Mr Shultz" and left. Strangely enough the guy never gave me trouble for making somewhat racist remarks but sent me to the office one day for not having gym clothes to change into. I guess thats the logic of a gym teacher for you...

Chestnuts roasted by dhtu @ 01/22/2004 05:53 PM EST

In elementary school I was a rebel but I never really got in trouble. I remember that in fourth grade my best friend and me used to always draw on ourselves. we were both in art enrichment and just liked to draw, and drawing on our arms was a fun way to express ourselves. For some reason, my teacher seemed to think this was the worst thing anyone could possibly do. Her reason at first was that she didn't want to see us drawing on ourselves while we were supposed to be listening. In truth, we did most of our skin doodling while at our gifted and talented class that we went to for about 3 hours each day. My gifted and talented teacher didn't mind, but my fourth grade teacher actually made us go to the little sink in the back and scrub it off. It was both humiliating and unfair. How could she tell us what to do with our own skin?? We were so pissed off that we decided to make a stand. We drew on ourselves everyday, and everyday was forced to wash it off. Finally, we used a permanent magic marker to show her who was boss. She gave up after that, but I think she hated us for that. She was a bitch anyway.

In sixth grade a friend and me decided to have a hugging contest. The goal was to see who could get the most hugs from people, and after getting a hug the person would sign their name on a list so we could tally them up at the end. It was a fun thing to do and it was friendly too. However, my teacher thought otherwise. When she found out about it she flipped on us. I think I was too shocked to even respond coherently, but now I wish I had told the bitch off. She even threatened to send us to the office if we didn't stop. no one ever got sent to the office unless they got into a fight or did something really bad and we DID NOT want to get sent to the office so we stopped. I still don't know why hugging our friends seemed so blasphemous to her.

The biggest (and funniest) thing I got in trouble for happened in the 8th grade. There was thid Girl that my sister and I both hated for some reason I don't really remember. Anyway, we never really worried much about her until she started flirting with my friend's boyfriend (the same friend from the hugging contest). Since we hated her already, we jumped at the chance to send her a little warning about our friends man. We wrote her a long and extremely immature note, changing her last name from "Snow" to "Hoe" because it just seemed right. We threatened her multiple times, curesed her off, and told her to stay the hell away from our friends men and our men (she also liked the boy I liked at the time I think) and ended it by signing our names as big and bold as we could. We had no qualms about her knowing we had written the note. One of our good friends was in one of her classes, so she offered to deliver the letter. Later that day, I got called to the "crisis counselor". When I walked in and saw my sister and my two friends, I couldn't help but smile and tip them a conspiratorial wink. The crisis counselor pulled out the letter, and actually started reading it out loud!! He even read the Sandy Hoe part. Everytime he would read a curse, he would give us an "aren't you ashamed of yourselves" look. We couldn't stop giggling the whole time. He kept assuring us that he was glad we though it was funny, because we wouldn't be laughing when we went to see Duh duh duh duhn MR. BENSON. All Mr. Benson did was look at the letter and say "You're suspended for one day" Ooooh real scary. My sister was also suspended for one day. The friend who had delivered it got a saturday detention for delivering the note, and my other friend got an administrative detention just for being mentioned. She didn't even know we had written it, and she heard it the first time when the crisis counselor read it. She didn't mind though.

So those were my very long stories. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. I actually had forgotten all about them untill just now when they all came back to me and I decided I had to share them even if I was the only one who enjoyed them.

Chestnuts roasted by SublimeObsessedMidget @ 01/22/2004 07:07 PM EST

I'm still in school. I haven't gotten into any major trouble yet...knock on wood.

The worst trouble I've gotten into? A dreaded "Pink Slip" in third grade. I was mocking Julie, who's slightly less annoying now that she's older, just like I usually do. Problem was, the sub didn't know that. That bitch.

So...I got the Slip. It was just a warning, but I was still devastated. I remember crying, but that's not important.

In any case...being a goody-goody has its benefits. I didn't have to pay when we went to Cedar Point in eighth grade because of my good grades and behavior record. ^_^

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 01/22/2004 07:16 PM EST

Worst trouble...
Can't say on that, but the BEST trouble I ever got into was senior year of high school. My friend was the editor for the school newspaper and within the first several issues (and just about the only issues for the year because of this) we turned all of the popular and "goody goody" students against us. This was also funny because I was in the same advanced/smart classes as a lot of them, but they were a bunch of self-centered elitists for the most part. Anyhow, the whole situation got so out of hand that one of the assistant principals had to review the paper before it would be printed. In the first issue she reviewed and okayed, we had slipped some nonsensical and "anonymous" poems into the poetry section, but when the first letter on each line was written together, they'd say rude things like "Key Blows" and just plain ol' "Nutsac" for laughs. Needless to say, the school paper has never been the same again.

Chestnuts roasted by Zix the Yeti @ 01/22/2004 07:41 PM EST

I was always a good kid throughout school, but I do remember a couple of near-incidents.
The first few were in elementary school- I almost got a pink slip for 1. "Fighting" on the playground (we were play fighting, and all I was doing was ninja-kicking the air), 2.) Coming late from recess (the "big kids" stole my basketball- my teacher saw that, and I was cleared), 3.) Being a co-conspirator in my friend Angel's scheme (we gave this jerk a picture of an elephant's butt- haha, it's funny now...), and 4.) "wearing lipstick". I was not wearing lipstick in 3rd grade- or ever, for that matter. I hate makeup- can I help it if my lips are naturally really red?
Then one time in Middle school, I didn't really get in trouble, but my teachers were really upset with me because I wasn't in class and they didn't know where I was. I was in Drama, which I gave them a note telling them that I'd be there for the whole week. They had to call me down on the P.A.
In high school, I was just late for class a couple of times- the principal caught me once and I was mad. I honestly did not hear the bell ring.
And I puked twice, once on this kid I had a crush on... and I kicked my friend in the leg when the teacher was out of the room. I've told people off before, but I've never been in trouble, and one time I accidentally gave this kid a bloody nose. I turned around (he was following me) and my hand came into contact with his nose. It was an accident, though I really wish I had done it on purpose.
In fifth grade I had to write my name on the board for trying to get somebody to stop talking when we weren't supposed to. I was "listening" and giving him "the look", but even if you're on the other side you still get in trouble.
Last one: my 9th grade science teacher was going to take my friend Craig and me down to the principal's office because we were "cheating" on his test. Okay, we would cheat? On his easy test? I don't think so! He didn't believe Craig, but he believed me when I told him we weren't cheating, "scout's honor". He was really angry, and I was pretty scared. Still mad about that.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 01/22/2004 07:44 PM EST

Ok, I got one.

Money laundering through the student store in fifth grade.

Chestnuts roasted by drew @ 01/22/2004 07:45 PM EST

I've got two stories that are kinda entertaining.

I was in trouble for all of kindergarten. My mom had taken the time when I was younger to teach me to read and count, so when I got to kindergarten and they started teaching that same crap all over again I just tuned it out. I started getting into fights, got distracted in class and refused to sit in the circle (take me to the shower, I'm a bad man). My teacher was this psycho who used to walk down the street singing nursery rhymes to herself, and the principal was this fat a$$hole with jet black hair who tried to intimidate everybody. (I should mention here it's a Catholic school, and the only choice we had in our town for kindergarten class). For our Christmas assembly our class was to go up and sing a song...and we were expressly told not to be waving to people in the audience. But hey, my mom told me to wave to her if I could see her...now seriously, at that age if you have to choose you have to go with the momma...so I waved to her and was pulled off the stage...the teacher was yelling at me that I ruined the whole assembly. In talking to my mom, the principal compared me to Linda Blair from The Exorcist and called me a hellspawn. Then they tried telling her I had a learning disability and they wanted to put me on Ritalin. They said I couldn't come back if she refused. Mom called them a bunch of morons and I went to public school the next year. I graduated a couple of years ago from college with honors. On the downside, I'm going to hell :)

Oh, and in grade 5 I had a teacher from a rich family who said only poor people get 'baby bonuses' (in Canada, it's a quarterly rebate from the government based on income and number of children in the family) but I looked her in the face and told her I knew she was getting it too. She kept me inside for recess and started crying while she was chewing me out. My parents were called but I didn't get punished for it because everyone in town knew it was true.

Chestnuts roasted by Hecubus @ 01/22/2004 09:14 PM EST

Well, happily or sadly I don't have anything really bad....But I will say that my 8th grade English teacher and I did NOT get along. I remember having several long arguments with her....

The biggest one revolved around my working on Math homework during English class. Now, this particular teacher was the kind that said "read this" and then sat back grading papers for the rest of the class. I'm a fast reader, so I finished pretty early. I then got out my Math book and started working on Algebra problems. The next thing I know, she is confiscating my book and homework and procedes to chew me out. I responded by saying I had finished the assignment and was trying to utilize my time well. She doesn't care, and tells me I can pick up my book tomorrow (which means I can't do my homework, which means I had to get up early and go get it!) ARGHhh!!!!

What can I say, I'm a geek.

The funny thing is that I am an English major now. Go figure.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 01/22/2004 09:53 PM EST

Well, I didn't actually get in trouble, but it's too good to pass up...

In my 8th grade science class, I was doing some work with this girl I sat with. We didn't like each other, but fate had put us as lab partners, so there we were.

We got into an arguement over the correct answer for a question. It got to the point where she stabbed me in the leg. Three times. With the pointy end of a compuss. I got up and yelled. My teacher got mad at me, but when he saw how messy his floor was getting, he quickly ran me off to the office...

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM EST

I was mentally tormented from kindergarden through fifth grade, to the point where even today, I panic or get all huffy when someone makes so much as a teasing comment in my direction. Kids of both genders played practical jokes and called me every ugly name in the book. I yelled, screamed, cried, pushed, and shoved, but the only thing that resulted was my being sent to the guidance officer and/or the principal several times. Neither was any help, though I'm sure they meant well. They both basically said "ignore them." I did. The tormenting only got worse, especially when my body decided to enter adolesence at age eight and I developed curves Dolly Pardon would envy overnight. I was finally moved to the Special Services school for kids with learning, social, or mental problems, or all of the above, at the start of my sixth grade year.

I've avoided trouble like the plague ever since. I was scared shitless of the really, really "bad" kids in the Special Services schools who got into fights, and both intrigued and disgusted by the mature older girls who discussed boys, sex, and New Kids On the Block. When I was placed back in regular high school in my sophmore year (they had me going both places my freshman year, with the result that I felt out-of-place in both), I made friends and aquantainces in every clique possible. Drama geeks, band geeks, jocks, dancers, math and science geniuses, artists, cool kids, not cool kids - I knew at least one from every crowd. I was still teased a bit for my lack of interest in dating (the guys in high school simply did not interest me), but by that point, I'd developed my defensive shell and would shrug off their comments.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/22/2004 10:38 PM EST

I have another tale school naughtiness,despite what I said earlier: In my sophomore year of high school,I developed a bad habit of calling girls who got on my nerves or who were real bitches the "C" word. Some of them told my English teacher,and she told me I better stop before I got in trouble for sexual harrasment,so I did.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 01/22/2004 10:41 PM EST

First time poster. Have heckled Matt to write an article on Monkey Magic if he finds an episode or two but apart from that I'm just an old fan.

Hardly ever got into trouble at highschool, but I came close to completely ruining my future on at least two occasions (was never caught).

In year 11 (2001) me and a group of mates noticed that the schools flagpole was hled on with bolts, and, as such, could be removed with a monkey wrench and taken home. So we planned to go to a friends house (who lived near school) get drunk (Australia, legal drinking 18 but under age all the same) and then come back for the flagpole after midnight, then send postcards of the pole to the principal, in the age old tradition). We'd give the pole back anonymously a month or two later, no harm done.

So we get hammered, I kill half a bottle of vodka, and we trot off to the school. We get there, and a big friend of mine, whose like, 100+ kilograms, can't move the bolts on the pole. We try for ten good minutes, but can't move it. So me and a few others give up and wander around the school causing mischief (putting steel bins in random places, graffit, etc), but three or so guys go back to the house without telling anyone.

So half of us are getting drunk down at the schools oval, a bit depressed due to our failed plan, when we hear the others return with some extra tools, and one of them, the guy whose whole idea this was in the first place, comes up and says: 'Guys, were not going to unbolt the flagpole anymore. Were going to cut the bitch down!'. I'll never forget the insane look of determination in his eyes.

So the flagpole comes down, and we carry it 2 or 3 kilometers through a heavily populated area, then we cut into little pieces and used it to fuel a fire so we could cook sausages. I finish the bottle of vodka and throw up before going to bed.

So, the next monday back at school, despite our best efforts to remain silent, everyone in the school seems to know that it was us that cut it down. My English literature teacher (the BEST teacher to have ever lived, ever) came up to during a class and asked me if it was me (he laughed out loud when he first saw the flagpole gone, so he was completely cool with it). After a few minutes of him cajoling everntually I admitted it and he laughed his arse off. Then it started to go sour. Police came to the school and took away one of the guys involved for question, and the Principal indirectly accused another of my mates a few days later:

'the reason we have to have gates put up now outside the school is because (now looking straight at us) some people come into the school, cut down things and then drag them back to their friends houses and burn them'. We were shitting ourselves. The cops kept away at it for a few days, but eventually they gave up, and we got off scott-free. It turns out that all the teachers knew it was us but had nothing but hearsy and rumours to support them. So they had to drop it. It was beautiful.

As a footnote, a few weeks later, when really cool english teacher left to go to Japan, we went to his going away party (most of the teachers were there) and gave him a vial of flagpole ash. He stood up in front of everyone (minus principals and Vice-principals) and declared that we had just given him flagpole ash as a present. We shat ourselves, but pretty much all the faculty just laughed at it and went back to drinking.

Sorry for the huge post. Hope it was worth it.

Chestnuts roasted by Damien @ 01/22/2004 10:59 PM EST

We used to have contests in middle school to see who could throw the largest item out the huge window during art class (on the third floor). My friend (also named Matt) was the all-time winner with successfully tossing a full-sized ladder out.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 01/23/2004 01:20 AM EST

Nope, sorry, I was only a good kid, and I never got into any trouble on field trips, though, once, on a trip from my high school in Sainte Anne de Bellevue (on the far western tip of Montreal island) to Quebec City, some 200 miles or so from Sainte Anne's, I didn't pee the whole day because I was very "pee shy" as a teen, and we left Macdonald High School at about 5 a.m. and didn't get back until around 10 p.m. and I went to McDonald's and drank a couple of more Cokes elsewhere during the day, so the 200 mile trip home was agony, and, the retarded thing is, there was a bathroom in the back of the bus, I just didn't feel like using it. Damn, that is embarrassing now that I think about it. If only real life was like The Butterfly Effect (now playing at a theatre near you; check local listings... a little plug since they're sponsoring X-E). I'd go back through time, and, since tiny things in the past can cause great big things to happen in the future because of the chaos theory and all that, by using that bus washroom back in 1990 rather than holding it in, I'd probably be married to Taiwanese model/actress Shu Qi.

That Quebec City trip was infamous because one of the teachers and several students got piss drunk to the point where Mac High was so embarrassed that it didn't offer it for quite a few years after, but I had nothing to do with any of that.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 01/23/2004 01:37 AM EST

Well, here's my story, shortened because I've gotta get some work done...

Not sure how many of you good Catholics out there had to go through "CCD," an acronym for something having to do with God. Basically, throughout the years until Confirmation, one afternoon after school (or in the worst years, on Saturday mornings) all of us kids had to head to the nearest Catholic school for a short class about...well, Jesus. Religion aside, we knew the truth: this was just MORE SCHOOL, and everyone shared a massive hatred for the classes. The teachers, usually volunteers who meant well, ran the gamut from overly strict to downright fanatical: in the year this story stems from, our teacher literally told us that if we weren't at church every Sunday, we'd be going to Hell. Keep in mind, almost none of us went to church. We were only there because our parents wanted us to get "Confirmed" -- for people only casually religious, that's about the height of the participation. Plus, the rumor was that you couldn't get married in a Catholic church without receiving Confirmation. That's neither here nor there, so here's the story.

Anyway, the school had this nasty old dean, and everyone hated her. Just an absolutely militant bitch who managed to offend, alienate, embarrass and yell at every student in the classes. And, since we were young, the dean was an object of great fear. As much as we hated her, we knew better than to do anything wrong when she was around. By our math, it'd only result in being hand-fed to the Helldemons she surely kept in her office.

Classes ended up being more like social events than anything else. My fellow students were the same fellow students from "real" school, and we behaved much more poorly than usual. This story takes place during my first year of junior high school, which as I'm sure you all know, is a time spent mostly trying to fit in and look cool. How did I reach those ends? Well...religious pornography.

Using one of the softcover textbooks we used throughout the years, I doodled extremely inappropriate, offensive things over all of the religious pictures. I'm talking serious, criminal-level drawings -- put God and Mary in the worst positions you can think of, and I swear, my doodles were a hundred times worse. The students around my desk, of course, got a big kick out of these drawings. So much so that I made the mistake of letting my guard down.

The dean entered our classroom, going through her usual routine of walking between the desks, making sure we were all doing our work. I was too busy trying to LOOK busy that I hadn't realized the open-faced textbook right there in front of her. As she passed by, she picked up the textbook and began reading. I knew what was coming, and God was starting to look pretty scary.

Grabbing me by the head, the dean dragged me just outside the classroom (close enough for everyone to hear and see what was happening, but the meeting was ostensibly in private) It was here that she informed me that my doodles were "a disgrace to her as a woman," orally tearing me at least sixty new assholes in the span of two minutes. I could hear the giggles coming from the classroom, but my biggest concern was just making it out alive. After being reprimanded seemingly forever, she sent me back into class with a blood red face and the startpoint of several tears. Yet, I still didn't know which doodle she'd looked at. Some were worse than others...

I sat in my chair, and looked at the still-open textbook. You want to know which drawing the nasty dean saw? Using a picture of the Virgin Fucking Mary, I tacked on a thick, grasping wand of pubic hair that attacked all the religious icons she was standing with. Mary even had a word balloon: "TAKE THESE PUBES IN THY NAME OF CHRIST."

It was probably one of the worst hours of my life, and goes a long way in explaining why I'm not very religious today. I mean, what's the point? I drew pubes all over the Virgin Mary. If I was religious, it's not like I'd foresee great things in my afterlife.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/23/2004 01:40 AM EST

Haha. Nice one, Matt. The best stories always come from catholic schools.

Anyways, I was a pretty boring kid in school. The only remotely bad things I can remember doing was throwing mud at the windows back in kindergarten or first grade or something. The punishment from the principal was just that I had to wash the windows. The REAL punishment came from my parents, who wouldn't let me watch Ninja Turtles for a week, because they thought it was making me too violent.

And in highschool, all me and my friends did was silly petty shit. Like throwing TVs and old computer monitors off the gym roof. We stole a lot, too, but most of that wasn't from school. Although, at grad, one of my friends managed to steal this really big, really expensive mohogany box they were using to keep the teabags in at the hotel where prom was being held. Still don't know how the hell we managed to sneak that out in my other friend's little purse. It was hilarious.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/23/2004 02:17 AM EST

I won't elaborate, and I'm not all that religious either, but I'm just glad you got that sort of profane (in all senses of the word) humour out of your system as an adolescent since I enjoy your sarcastic-but-never-too-mean tone you write with now just fine.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 01/23/2004 02:22 AM EST

When I was a senior in my small high school, I decided to attend "BOCES'" graphic design classes. (BOCES was generally regarded as the place they sent dipshits to so they could work on cars so they wouldn't fuck up the mean test scores in the regular high school classes. In other words: "Camp Retard.")

I used BOCES as an excuse to spend half my school day fucking around with Photoshop (which I still have no clue how to use) and acting like a wierdo.

Since I only joined for the final year of a two year program, I hadn't had the "opportunity" the previous year to learn how to give a fuck about anything except my own entertainment.

One morning, in a fit of self-amusement, I stood next to the prettiest girl in class (pretty in a relative sense), and began rapidly unzipping and zipping the zipper on my pants. (I'm positive I was just aping an MTV commercial for their then-new show "THE TOM GREEN SHOW.")

Well, the teacher of the class saw me, found my behavior grossly inappropriate, and sent me to the BOCES Principal's Office. (trademarked)

I'd seen the VICE principal before. He was all business, with a suit and tie, and he was a self-important pushover. Compared to him the crushed-velvet-track-suit-wearin', Cabo-San-Lucas-livin', Metamucil-drinkin', 85-years-of-livin' REAL principal should be a snap.

Or so I thought.

As soon as I get in there, the principal is already holding the phone, just begging me to give him one good reason to call the cops. "Huh? Wha? Why?," I asked. He then proceeded to rattle off something about "sexual harassment, zero tolerance, ...in my day...to guys like you in PRISON?!!"

My ears were filling with blood so I couldn't really hear all he was saying, but with the rate that this Ghost of BOCES Future was throwing stuff at me...I think I may have gotten something in my eye.

I was seventeen on that fateful day. And, no, I did not go to prison. But to this day, I will watch no original MTV program unless it bears the name Real World, Road Rules, Taildaters, Newlyweds, Jackass, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Room Raiders, Wild Boyz, Viva La Bam, or The Osbournes. A guy's gotta learn when to say, "No."

Chestnuts roasted by D-d-dave-some @ 01/23/2004 03:48 AM EST

biggest "innocent" trouble that i ever got into was when i was in 2nd grade, and a friend and I were climing on top of the toilet in the bathroom so we could climb into the ceiling(we thought it would be cool like mission impossible and stuff). The toilet ended up breaking =\

We got in pretty bad trouble for that.

non-innocent.....probably the time i got caught with 10 hits of acid. The teacher saw them and tried to take them away, but i hauled ass around the corner and ate all 10 and asked what the fuck she was talking about. Got suspended for 2 weeks. I would have been expelled and arrested, but there was no proof.

Chestnuts roasted by frank @ 01/23/2004 03:48 AM EST

Oh, and I have been accused of fscking up school computers before. Everyone pointed the finger at me because I was the only one who actually knew shit anything about the things. I didn't do it, of course. I would've left a bigger footprint instead of just changing the wallpaper and installing AIM. Like leave the bitch without BIOS or a floppy drive, or distribute 3 gigs of hardcore pr0n .jpegs through the school's mail server on an admin account. I'm still waiting to get back at them for accusing me of that, too.

Chestnuts roasted by Omni @ 01/23/2004 04:39 AM EST

For the sake of humor, I unfortunately never went to a Catholic school. I did however, go to a non-denomenational Christian high school for my freshman year. So on the last day of the school year, this guy I knew (who had his hair buzzed short) had some markers with him, and a few of us signed our names on his head, yearbook style. Later in the day, during the last period, we all got called to the principal's office, where we had to wait out the rest of the day, and they even escorted us off campus. The principal said something about not wanting us to start writing on the walls. I guess that's not so much trouble as an incident that makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with people.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 01/23/2004 05:08 AM EST

I got confirmed because I was promised money.... if I only knew what i was getting myself into.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 01/23/2004 08:45 AM EST

I never got into too much trouble because my mom worked at the high school and secondly i was smart about my dastardly deeds so i never got caught. Although I'd say I almost lost it the day i decided to be a fucking moron and take 5 hits of acid before school started. I have no idea how I made it through the whole day without freaking out. It really sucked because everyone knew i was fucked up and kept fucking with me all day. I was suprised my teachers didn't notice or maybe they just didn't give a flying shit. Oh well, thats my lame ass story.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/23/2004 09:17 AM EST

When I was younger, I had to go to Catholic School, and I hated it. So whenever they'd let me on the playground, I'd climb to the top of the jungle gym and refuse to come down. Well, one day this really old nun tried to come after me, so I kicked her in the face. They sent me to the Mother Superior's office, and before she came in, I'd grabbed the fire extinguisher and hosed her down.

I'm going to hell. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Lakini Malich @ 01/23/2004 10:19 AM EST

Ha ha... I remember this one great time in highschool I got in semi-trouble in Spanish class. It was a small class, since it was advanced Spanish, so it was pretty intimate, and we had regular conversations in Spanish. We were discussing a story we had just read and the teacher asked my friend a question. He wasn't the best in conversational Spanish, so he kinda faltered a bit. We always ragged on each other, so I just looked over at him and said, as clear as day, for everyone to hear, "Puta!", and the class goes silent. ('Puta', for those not familiar, is the equivalent of 'whore.')

Well, my friend died out laughing, but my teacher wasn't too impressed. Luckily, we had a good relationship, so we just had a talk after class while my friend made faces at me through the classroom window. Definitely one of those things you had to be there to see. Zero restraint. Funny, yet very embarrassing.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/23/2004 10:22 AM EST

Geez, not like there's any kind of link between Catholic school/forced religion and later resentment of said religion, right? Beyond Mom asking me to say my prayers back when I was 8, my parents never pressured me into religion at all... and now I appear to be the only one here who still practices it. Not that I'm implying there's ANY sort of correlation there, of course. Gotta love that whole "Believe what we believe or go to hell!" mentality...
:p

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 01/23/2004 10:33 AM EST

Oh, and I got into big trouble because a friend french-braided my hair. Remember, I'm a guy and I went to a very conservative Southern private highschool. It's a wonder I was even allowed to grow my hair long. Anyways, it was an issue to them since it was apparently gender-bending and borderline homosexual. Ha!

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/23/2004 10:36 AM EST

Well, in Jr. high school, I set up my own little escort service. My locker was right next to the janitor closet so I had a perfect location to set up my "clients" with my "employees". We didn't have much money in middle school, so blowjobs were only $5 and sex was only $10. I'd get half and the employee would get half. Business was booming. I'm not quite sure what happened, but one client apparently left some "evidence" on the janitors desk one day, and he suspicious and left a video camera running in his office the next day. So they got it on camera, me taking money from some kid, giving it to my employee, walking out and then the two in the closet going at it.
So I got called down to the principals office, they had me arrested, i was in JD hall for a few months. I went to a new school, then to high school, but I dropped out. Those lessons in 7th grade taught me alot though. I now have my own real business going and am proud to say im making a fortune.

Chestnuts roasted by PimpOfTheYear @ 01/23/2004 10:58 AM EST

I was such a goody-goody, I hardly ever got into trouble. But I did something in third grade that I will never forget. There was this assembly with some puppeteer lady, who had overcome dyslexia or something so that made her special. Anyway, she let students ask her questions, and out of nowhere I snapped and I asked her "Does the puppet have stinky feet?" I don't know where the hell that came from, and I didn't get detention or anything (except the teacher did call my parents). When I was in sixth grade she came back, and this time, before she took questions, she asked that the students only ask "serious" questions. So not only did I scar myself for life, I also scarred this puppeteer lady with dyselxia.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Monkey @ 01/23/2004 11:02 AM EST

Real quick look at a couple of reasons I was picked on in school: Being Native American and/or Having a near-genius IQ. Now to vent. I HATE SCHOOL1 I'M 34 YEARS OLD AND I STILL HATE SCHOOL! ADJECTIVES FAIL ME! GIFTED CLASS SUCKED, GOING TO A SCHOOL FOR THE GIFTED SUCKED, GETING TEASED FOR BEING FROM OKLAHOMA SUCKED, BEING TEASED FOR HAVING LIVED IN CALIFORNIA SUCKED, HAVING GONE TO NINE DIFFERENT SCHOOLS SUCKED, AND BEING HELD BACK BECAUSE ONE STATE SAID I WAS BORN AT THE WRONG TIME SUCKED!!! of all the cam-jammin', Crack-smokin', Butt-Pushin', Spud-Motherin', Asinine, Retarded Things That Have Contributed To Make Me The Barely Coherent Man I Have Become Today, My Entire Overall Experience With Public Education Is Not Something I Would Wish On MY WORST ENEMY!!! I would like to take all of our traumas and frustrations that have been spoken of here and toss them into the nearest singularity, but then, without my personality defects, I would have no personality. I was too geeky for the norms, but not geeky enough for the geeks. Ah, well....

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/23/2004 12:40 PM EST

Well, I was always "the smart girl" in school, so I managed to stay out of trouble for the most part. I guess the worst trouble I got into was in the 7th grade. I had a crush on of my Tech Ed teachers "Mr. V." I was so in love with this guy. I found out at the end of the year, he was leaving to go to another school. I was crushed and literally begged him not to leave. Embarrasing. But the next year came, and he was gone, and we had a new tech ed teacher to replace him. I decided that I *hated* this new guy, because he replaced my beloved Mr. V. I made it very clear to him that I didn't like him.

One day, I looked up Mr. V in the phone book and got his number. I called him up and left a message on his home machine saying :

"Hi Mr.V, it's me so and so from tech ed last year, I just wanted to say that this year SUCKS without you, and I HATE the new guy, and I hope to see you again before I die"

I guess using the words "before I die" was not a good choice because his wife got the message, and she is a social worker, and she took that to mean that I was gonna commit suicide if I didn't see him again, so she called the school, and talked to my new tech ed teacher, and he called my parents, and we all had this big meeting at the school...I had to explain that i was NOT suicidal, and that I just had a crush on this guy etc...
It was horrifying.

To make matters worse, when I went to high school the next year, I found out that the "hated" tech ed teacher was now my Computer Aided Drafting teacher for the next 4 years, a class I couldn't drop since I wanted to be an architect. It was rough.

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 01/23/2004 02:11 PM EST

I think my story is worth telling considering that half of you are prolly lying and most of you didn't get in "real" trouble. I'm a senior in highscool so I still could do worse things in the next 5 months, but My shining moment of defiance came almost exactly a year ago when I was a Junior.

The new Quarter had statred and I was reallly not looking forward to going to classI was having issues with friends and my then boyfriend and the last thing i was thinking about was school. Now normally if i asked my mom can I stay home she'd say sure and write me a note the next day. As long as I passed my classes she didn't mind me taking a break everynow and again. Well on this day she denied me. This of course had never happened so i decided I would suck it up and ditch anyway having it be unexcused. When I showed up to school I found two of my friends and convinced them to join me on this adventure, we ended up Going to the San Diego Zoo that day, Hanging out at the Mall and lying on the beach. It was really awesome.

Well when we got to school we were in a lot more trouble then we thought we would be. Supposedly the sister of one of my friends saw us leave and called thier parents. That morning she had supposedly threatened she was going to run away from home. So when her parents heard they called the police. My other friend who was driving us was now charged with kiddnapping since he was the driver and we had to be at school. The Crazy parent then proceed to go to the drivcers house to get his license info so the police could put out a warrant for his arrest.

Meanwhile at school all of our frined got pulled out of there classes for questioning

When we finally got back to school the driver checked his cell phone to see he had 30 messages. All saying what the hell are you doing where are you the cops want to arrest you.

In the end all of us just got saturday schools where we spent the morning playing poker and building card houses (are school isn't that tough)

To this day a bunch of kids still call me Ferris Bueller. :) All True.

Chestnuts roasted by Ally @ 01/23/2004 04:32 PM EST

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Future of America.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/23/2004 04:49 PM EST

I ditched more school than I attended my senior year. I don't think that even constitutes "trouble" even if you are dumb enough to get caught.
In that same year, I was a teacher's aide for a history class that was taught by my english teacher. The big midterm that she was giving her history class was a map of Europe that they had to label. She sent me to the office to make photocopies of the test, and while I was in there I saw a kid from class whom she had sent to the principal's office. I made an extra copy of the test (which again, was simply a blank map) and handed it to him right there in front of the principal's office. He gave copies to his little friends, one of whom was stupid enough to leave a copy in another teacher's class. It didn't take long for the blame to make it's way back to me. The only trouble I got in was that from then on I wasn't her T.A. anymore, and should spend my time in the counseling office for that period. Of course, I simply saw it as an opportunity to stop attending either of her classes, which meant that for me, school started an hour later and ended an hour earlier.
I was coerced into CCD as well, and by my teen years I resented it enough to try and get kicked out of the class. I thought showing up in a Marilyn Manson shirt would be enough to do the trick (post columbine days, where a MM shirt and black eyeliner were enough to get you blacklisted as a puppy murdering terrorist). The other kids in the class were appalled, and asked the teacher why she didn't care about the terrible shirt I was wearing. The poor old bird squinted at the shirt, and said, "Marilyn Manson? Who is she?"

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/23/2004 05:08 PM EST

I was never a trouble maker. My entire goal was to get through school as fast and un-noticed as possible. Well it didn't always work out.

The only detention I ever got was in 6th grade, when we weren't supposed to be talking during a math exam and somebody asked me how to spell sphincter? You see I can even spell it to this day! All I said was, "I don't know." BOOM!!! Detention all the way.

Besides that I never did much. Had a few arguements about the teacher not letting me put guns in my paintings in art class(oddly even now grown up and being a professional artist I dont use guns in my work, musta been fighting for just the principle of the thing).

I also became a total smart ass in gym class. There was nothing worse than gym. Nothing more painful and embarissing(I have not one athletic cell in my body). So I just stopped trying. I'd screw up the games by calling ball and not going for it, etc... Besides all my gym teachers were either men hating lesbians or ex-military screw balls ala Full Metal Jacket. Fun to screw wit 'em.

Chestnuts roasted by Don't Touch, Willy. @ 01/23/2004 05:53 PM EST

My big "trouble" incident was in high school... a friend (Hi, Andra!) and I wrote on the bathroom walls early one morning when we go to school... Just a couple of small designs on the tampon dispenser. Thought nothing of it, of course. Then, at about 1pm, we get called to the office. Thinking we could talk and apoligize our way out of it, we go to the priciples' office and meet 2 of our other friends in the office. We had no idea why they were there! Anyway, without warning, the principle procedes to tell us that we are going to receive 1 week of suspension, we have to clean the bathroom, and this will be a "mark" on our permanent school records. They then procede to take us to the bathroom to find that our other friends had taken our idea one step further... they had covered the mirrors, walls, stalls, ceiling, and even doors with graffiti. Seems that the principle knew what was ours vs. theirs (ours was done in a different color) but we all had to be punished. But, it gets better! Next day, we show up to clean the bathrooms and the janitor gives us about 5 bottles of unlabled cleaners (each a different type) to clean with. Within an hour or so, the fumes from the cleaners have made us high and we're having a ball... we even have other kids coming in on breaks to enjoy the fun. Word gets back to administration that something is wrong, and the 4 of us are sent home. Once home, our parents (including my friend's mom, who's a nurse practioner) realize that the fumes are on us and even after 3 showers, the smell isn't going away. Next day, school admin. gets a call from my friend's mom threatening to sue the school district, saying she's going to due every type of blood test known to make sure we haven't been poisoned. Long story short, school admin. got the daylights scared outta them, and we didn't have to do detention! But I do still occassionally have these strange headaches and blackouts... hmmm... ;-D

Chestnuts roasted by Chez Zoot La-la @ 01/23/2004 05:56 PM EST

Here are some stories not my own.

A associate of mine started her schooling in England. While in Kindergarten her friend and her decided they didn't like a certain boy and thus proceed to cut the tip of his nose off with a pair of dull kiddie scissors. She can't remember what happened in punishment, to me that means she had those memories beaten out ah her.

My father started Kindergarten in a Catholic school. These nuns were overly crazy to the kids. If they didn't clean up their toys after play time the nun would tell them they were all going to burn in Hell. This gave my dad nightmares about burning in Hell and nun laughing at him. Seeing how distressed my dad was my grandma took him outta there and put him public school.

Chestnuts roasted by Don't Touch, Willy @ 01/23/2004 06:17 PM EST

B-Dawg that is the most appalingly embarrassing story I have ever heard. I am so sorry. Holy crap.

Seems like quite a few of us were "good kids". Must be b/c we were so bored by not geting into too much trouble that we had plenty of time to study the 80's in its entirety. Otherwise, we probably wouldn't be here, reading about M.U.S.C.L.E. men and Mare Winningham.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/23/2004 08:51 PM EST

PimpOfTheYear, I'm sure that all happened, what are you? 8? I went to a christian school. Waste of time. The resident priest was found to be STEALING MONEY FROM THE SCHOOL. Good old father Peters.

Chestnuts roasted by Fitch @ 01/24/2004 12:25 AM EST

I rarely caused trouble either (but I frequently got punished for things other kids did to me), but here's a story worth mentioning:
Near the end third grade (summer-time), I came in early from recess and sat at my desk. I began fanning myself with a paper fan and the teacher bursts in with "You know that waving that fan will only make you hotter?", but I ignored her because I only cared that it felt good RIGHT NOW (and in retrospect, I don't think moving my wrist back-and-forth would've given me freakin' heat stroke). Then she's like "JEREMY! I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT!!".

Also, when I was in 4th grade, I got into a really nasty brawl with a former-friend-turned-enemy. We were really going at it in the middle of the playground, but the teachers never did a damn thing. I don't remember how the fight ended, but I recall his clumsy attacks not even fazing me as well as getting a good strike at his back (not to mention I was too fueled by hatred to allow him to feel he was anything but stupid and worthless), so he couldn't have been that tough for me...

Chestnuts roasted by Rewolf J @ 01/24/2004 04:01 AM EST

Hey Cameron, your math book story reminds me of this bitch of a substitute I had in grade 9 or 10. I call her the Rotundra of the North, 'cause this woman was one huge motherfucking woman. Don't get me wrong -- I love curvy girls even though I'm a gym/health nut, but this bitch was O-bese. And a cunt. One day I showed up for French class and she was the substitute. She basically told us to do work in our book, but I had forgotten the book and told her so three times. I've always been a good student (as far as grades go, anyway) and it's not like it was a huge fucking deal for me to do the homework at home. So I took out my Chemistry book and started doing that work instead. The next thing I know, this huge monstrosity of a woman is bearing down on me screaming her head off. She's so huge that as she was barreling down the aisle (to this day, I sit in the back of my classes even in university) she actually got caught around the thigh area between two desks and she had to turn sideways and actually dislodge the desks and send them scattering (even though there were students sitting in them). So after causing a minor earthquake she plants herself in front of me and yells at me for literally five minutes without let-up because she "told me to do [my] French work." After she was done working herself up towards the inevitable heart attack, I calmly told her that I'd already told her three times that I didn't have the book (I wish I'd told her to pull the blubber back from her ears). She just mumbled something about pairing up with someone else, which I did, but I was so indignant I just blatantly kept doing my Chem work and glaring at the cunt.

Sort of related to Matt's story, I've always kind of had a warped sense of humour and I have a really hard time not joking around when other people are doing it or when something strikes me as funny. I went to a public school run by a bunch of Catholics and nuns (because everyone but my family is Catholic where I'm from) so, of course, humour is strictly forbidden. So one day when we were in grade 5, we had to draw a bunch of shit in art class. I can't remember what the assignment was (but it was probably religion-oriented) and me and this guy in the class were both probably the most artistic and the biggest jokers -- basically, we cracked each other's shit up even though I was the smart girl and he was the jock. Being a particularly crude little girl, I guess, we decided to outdo each other drawing vaguely sexually related shit (to the extent that 10-year-olds know about this shit). It was just a sheet full of tits and vague genitalia. I was smart enough to hand in some bullshit and not what I'd drawn with this guy, but he thought it would be funny to hand it in and shock the teacher. Anyway, the poor kid had his parents called in and got a trip to our paedophile principal's office, and the whole nine yards. The kids were pissed that it happened to him, but he took it with his usual good humour and grace and was totally my hero for ages.

That guy was the only thing that made those horrible sex ed. videos we had to watch a few years later tolerable. We had this teacher who was an absolute cunt -- he was always on the rag (yeah, I know: trust me, he's the first male to rag. I've had girlfriends less PMSy than he was) -- and if we so much as snickered during a Sex Ed. video, it was a huge chewing out, detention for a month, and off to the paedophile's office. And this guy was a sensitive brute: if you breathed the wrong way it counted as laughing. But those videos were just too funny, and he and I could not resist joking the whole time. Of course, we spent hours each week doing that thing where you desperately try not to laugh in class 'cause you know you'll have your ass whipped: it got to a point where we were literally stuffing our hands in our mouths, tears running down our faces, turning purple as we desperately tried to regulate our breathing and hysterical laughter. Of course, once the lights came up, all that effort at containing our frenzy made us look like ass. The teacher saw us and looked shocked, but since we hadn't laughed or done anything wrong (that he could prove) we always got away with it.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 01/24/2004 12:45 PM EST

Omni, I forgot to tell you that the same thing happened to my evil genius boyfriend in high school. He'd always been interested in comps so, of course, in the early 90s when the whole system had a minor, temporary glitch in my backwater high school, the teacher in charge of the computer lab blamed him (falsely, and solely on the basis that he was the only one smart enough to pull it off). I'm not sure if someone else had caused the glitch or if it was just natural, but I know it genuinely wasn't him. Since backwater schools tend to be filled with inbred, mullet-sporting 'tards who love to see the two or three literate kids go down, a couple of people (like a pitchfork-wielding mob) also made up some nonsensical shit about how he'd done it. Of course, he denied causing the problem but the asshole teacher kept insisting that he was the only one in the school who could fuck up the computers (because, you know, computers never fuck up by themselves). Being the ever-sly and calculating evil genius that he was, and realizing that they were determined to blame him, he stoically took his punishment and waited until everything died down. Then, a few months later, he unleashed a bitch of a Trojan on the whole system that just absolutely fucked it over a hundred times worse than the original glitch had. He actually didn't get blamed for this one, and felt compensated for his trouble. Evil Genius always came up with the best paybacks: I'm glad I lost my virginity to him. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 01/24/2004 01:37 PM EST

When I was a freshman in HS, our mechanical drawing teacher (who also taught all the "industrial arts" courses) looked exactly like Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

He wore a lab coat when he was teaching, because the course was held in the wood shop, and he was trying to keep his clothes neat. However, since he was no geeky scientist, he had a special black lab coat he wore.

Well, one day, we jacked a glue gun and some glitter from Home Ec across the hall, and wrote "The Brain" on the back of his lab coat in glue and glitter. He didn't notice it, until we started snickering everytime he turned his back.

Well, he took the coat off and saw what we did, and we were ready for the teacher to friggin' kill us. However, he loved it. Turned out, he was a wrestling fan himself, and he thought we were paying him a compliment by saying he was as smart as "The Brain."

D. Dodge Silver

Chestnuts roasted by D. Dodge Silver @ 01/24/2004 02:44 PM EST

"You'll be seeing a lot of nuns where you're going, TO HELL!!!"- Chief Wiggums to Snake.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/24/2004 03:42 PM EST

well hell I got into trouble a lot, but it's because people acted first and asked questions later. the main one that was my fault was in 4th grade I was playing football at recess, the bell rang just as I was cathing a pass, I of course didn't catch it, clumsy that I am. I went to pick it up and the resident artsy kid kicked the ball out of my hand in reverse charlie brown style. I of course biffed it. When I stood up, I looked strait at him, and said the worst thing I knew at that age "F%#^ you, you F%$^er" there was of course a teacher right behind me. I got sent to the Principal's office, and of stupidly told him I was using my first amendment right to freedom of speech. I was forced to stand on the yellow "time out" square durring recess for the rest of the week.

My other best one didn't happen in any way related to school, but I was a senior at the time. My best friend and I were gonna go over to his brothers house after school on a friday to hang out and do all sorts of stuff we weren't supposed to. His brother forgot to leave us the keys. We simply broke in through the open back window and started burning cd's and watching movies. there was a knock at the door, so my friend went to answer it. he was gone for a while and soon I hear a "BRANDON, ARE YOU IN THERE?" I didn't have a clue what was goin on, so I go upstairs and am immediatly pinned down and searched. after holding us for about an hour while contacting his brother they finnaly let us go, but not w/out confiscating my pocket knife and brass knuckles. funny thing is, they're legal in Idaho, so I got em back about a month later, and still carry them to this day.

damn these stories are long.

ok last one. I was an exchange student to austraila for 6 months. I was usually a good kid, despite what you may have heard, so I had my 18th birthday in austraila, the party went long enough that I was still drunk the next day at school. because of the size of my class and the limited dark rooms we had to have 4 or 5 people developing film at one time and there were enough problems when we were sober. I was having a hard as hell time trying to develop pictures in a dark room while drunk, and lost my balance. I had a general idea of where people were in the dark room 2 of them being what I considered the best looking girls in school, so I aimed for them. I got kicked from that class, no big deal, I had already earned enough credits in the u.s. to graduate. but the coolest thing, is that whoever that was, was my firt boob.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 01/24/2004 04:32 PM EST

oh yea, I almost forgot in 6th grade my band (I was and still am a band geek, even though I don't have a band right now) went through 6 teachers. and I dont' mean substitues, I mean "you're hired, be here on monday" teachers. there's no way I could keep track of all the subs we went through. anywho, it was just a standard of all 62 of us not doing a damn thing. we just sat in the back and played games. the last teacher that stayed for the next 6 years got to the point of throwing anything she could reach at the kids when they'd talk over top of her or stupid stuff like that. I acctually got hit w/a drum stick (drummers rule!) when the teacher said "do you know the muffin man" (refering to the class to take out the music for that piece) I replied "no, it looks like you ate him before I got the chance" she wasn't huge or anything, just a little "chunky," luckily because she knew what she did was wrong too I didn't have to go to the musical administrator (my dad). I did whatever the hell I wanted to in band for the next 6 years, when my dad changed schools, as did Ms. Waltermelon.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 01/24/2004 04:49 PM EST

My sister, not the oldest one, the one who died once already, got into a fight in high school, and won. But the principal decided that both girls needed to get punished, even though the other girl jumped Sis in the bathroom. Well, corporal was the type he recommended, and Ma and Pop were in his face like Galactus on a Jupiter-sized ChocoDile. In fact, Ma stood up for the instigator as well, asking why was principal insisting on paddling two teenage girls anyway? She was ready to bring up race as well, but a veiled accusation of perverseness was enough to change things to writing an essay. Principal tried to go over their heads and talk to the Super, but he is a distant relative and knew Sis never starts fights, just turns them into battle royals, and was the one who recommended essays. He was happy Sis won. She still remembers the fight, and tells her two sons about it.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/24/2004 05:20 PM EST

I only really remember smoking my first ciggarette just outside the school thinking it was OK outside and i wasn't breaking any rules...of course the police disagreed and i've never smoked agaaain...oh yeah i also puked like ten minutes after in geography on a test then again in the tecahers lounge but didn't get sent home because apparently i'd eaten a sweet while being sick?

Oh yeah and once i pushed some guy of a bench and his head started bleeding

Chestnuts roasted by Rory @ 01/24/2004 06:27 PM EST

once i put a gif of a masturbating peach on my teacher's computer (i've since lost the link but i found it by typing "peachy" in google image search). it wasn't really that graphic, he just had his hands in his briefs and his eyes were rolling about in ecstacy. the teacher flipped though, and i had to see the vice principal. it was worth hearing him say "masturbating peach" though, and i also got to show him the gif in his office, on his computer. plus both the VP and the teacher that happened to be in the office for this talk (unrelated to the incident but a former teacher of mine) were both jews. double jews means double funny, like kosher doublemint. anyways it amounted to three saturday schools, nothing that bad really.

of course much debate followed about whether "peaches and cream" or "tempted by the fruit of another" was a funnier joke. obviously, peaches and cream won out.

Chestnuts roasted by mikey @ 01/24/2004 09:02 PM EST

> masturbating peach

Hee! I wonder if I can work that into an essay. One of the things we had going at school was coming up with the most ridiculous dirty/nondirty pre-determined (before we knew what the assignment was) word combinations into school assignments. You'd be amazed what you can get away with. Like "masturbating naughty bits." Shakespeare's great for that stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 01/24/2004 10:00 PM EST

My moment was in the making for years. Its started when I was in grade school when I got a habbit of "borrowing" things indefinently from people, action figures, toy cars, I didnt seem to have a gauge to realize how fucked up I was being. It never grew into anything big like shoplifting, just a thing here and there that I liked. It reached a climax my senior year when I swiped a DVD boxed set from a friend. He immediately knew it was me who had it after realizing it was gone but I held out on admitting, even implied that another friend did it *sigh*. Soon the whole thing blew up in my face as all my friends turned on me and rightfully so untill I finnally admitted to it. I learned alot about myself in that month, and in the 2 years since have been trying in everyway I can to try to vindicate myself.

Chestnuts roasted by Zero Handle @ 01/25/2004 11:01 AM EST

Ok, this post is a day late, and a dollar short... but hell, it happens.

The worst stuff I ever got caught doing in HS was moderately bad I s'pose... It had to be.

Being the biggest nerd on campus... I had a get-out-of-class free card. I just had to make up an excuse. So, that gave me alot of opportunity to do nasty things without getting caught, like pissing in the hand-soap dispensers in the bathroom, or breaking into classrooms after lunch. or during lunch, and pasting the ceiling with wet toilet paper.

Two of the worst things I got nailed for, happened in the 7th grade... One was setting the bleachers on fire [though honestly, we weren't trying]. Me and a friend started throwing lit "light anywhere" matches at each other under the bleachers in gym... because we ran outta hexpaper for our D&D map. One of them landed in a pile of empty bottles, paper bags, and other detritus... causing a small fire... which we ducked out from. But, since we're the only students who didn't participate in gym... we got caught.

The other would be the time that our English teacher had knee-replacement surgery, and was on crutches. Now, before I tell you what I did, and you hate me... let me tell you, she deserved it... she was a 90yr. old evil bitchqueen if ever one existed. Anyway... she had knee-replacement surgery and couldn't stand up, or walk or anything without her crutches... and she'd once again confiscated our D&D books during the morning wait for the bell because they were "Satanic" [what ever happened to seperation of church and state?]... so, we one-upped her. We broke into her classroom later during lunch, and stole our books back... but amazingly, she'd hobbled off outside for a smoke, and we stole her crutches as well.

The probable meanest things ever, would be 8th grade... the entire year. I skipped class to make erotic claymation films in the library... I kicked random people in the balls... drug a guy around campus by his undies.

The worst thing I did though... was embarass our entire campus in front of a senator... Seems one of the FL senators was in town, and wanting a tour of the school, and some little get-together deal with the students.... so the faculty had to choose a cross-section of students for the "sit in" and since I had a decent record, and was a geek. I got in there... me, and my girlfriend.

Well, for starters... I decided to sit with my current girlfriend [at the time], and an ex-girlfriend, and a bunch of friends. So, of course... being young, and stupid... I have to be too touchy-feely with the girlfriend, which pisses off the ex. Then, mr. senator decides to ask us what we [as teenagers] think is wrong with teenagers lives today, I told him that it was a combination of scott baio and fred savage. So, I get ignored for a little while. Then a while later, back to the issue of teen-problems [it was like a "brainstorming session" for a fucking afterschool special], and someone asks us for our opinions of what should be done to help keep kids outta trouble, and offa drugs. So, being the ultimate posterchild for childish humor... I tell them, that in order to stop drug abuse, and violence, all teenagers should be encouraged to "knuckle shuffle the ol' piss pipe". That single remark cut everything short, and got me lunch.

Chestnuts roasted by gesis @ 01/25/2004 04:55 PM EST

Oh, as addendum... I also got mad at a "game day" in the 4th grade... and pissed on a monopoly board.

Chestnuts roasted by gesis @ 01/25/2004 05:00 PM EST

"Knuckle Shuffle....?" That's a new one to add to the list.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/26/2004 11:48 AM EST

i love all of these stories! i wasnt really the type to do naughty stuff but in my catholic primary school i just had this attitude of defiance. it wasnt until high school that i realised how lame my primary (elementry school in usa) was.

Chestnuts roasted by rachel cakes @ 01/26/2004 08:25 PM EST

Stories have been good, a lot of you start by saying how 'good' you were but your stories mostly seem the same as everyone else's. My memories tend to be a disjointed mess, but I have a couple. In the 2nd grade, my school at the time had a bit of a hill leading down to the paved area around the school... in the winter we'd slide down and make it a slick ride. Some kids would bring their magic carpets till they weren't allowed anymore, if i'm not mistaken. Anyway, one day I was going down (we really weren't supposed to, and being a huge loner, I was alone at the time as usual), and I hit the vice principal who was out on yard duty right in the leg. I think I got the wall for that, standing there looking at it the whole recess was really upsetting, then had to see him in his office, and I was really upset, but thankfully he was nice about it (this at a Catholic school too). This guy, Mr. Phillips, boasted about his confiscated hat collection but I think he took me up on his knee (I'm a girl, so this in retrospect is... interesting), and let me off for all my apparent regret.

In grade 5, Robyn, who was a short little shit in grade 7, probably growth-stunted from jumping out of the tall tree in the yard all the time, got in a fight with me. I didn't think I was in trouble but apparently I can't fight and she just threw me down this different school's hill again and again till I just gave up, and like a sore loser said "Fuck you," and then at some assembly a police officer stuck around afterwards to give us a talking to, or something...

Another time, in grade 4, my bitch of an English teacher, Mrs. Shields, made me cry over my mom calling to talk to her about being such a bitch to me... though I cried a lot at school, this time I ran to my homeroom teacher, nice lady, and then had to have these 'Pow Wows' with my school therapist Monique, or something, while she also referreed the teacher and my mom. That was all very helpful...

I was pretty pissed off after grade 6 when everyone started making fun of the me, new kid at this different school... I say everyone cause I always saw it as them versus me, even though I was told otherwise. I really don't know how it stacks up to everyone else's experiences with having been belittled, but I was an awkward kid who kind of asked for it. The ones who didn't outwardly make fun of me were patronizing little pricks. A picture I drew of an Esso truck and explosives parked beside a crudely-drawn "school" building that I found on the back of an assignment from the time, shows how much I really hated it. After a while I just slipped under the radar as much as possible and gave them nothing to work with against me, so everyone just forgot I existed till almost the end of high school and I was happier for it. School sucks.

Chestnuts roasted by knic @ 01/26/2004 10:22 PM EST

Schools are good for one thing, creating clones. Educating oneself is the better solution to aiding ones' needs in the learning department.

Chestnuts roasted by Anatomy @ 01/27/2004 02:58 AM EST

In 9th grade I got in trouble for not saying "Hi" to a teacher while passing them in the hallway. He held me after class and chewed me out. Somehow the principal got involved and told me to write an apology and give it to this teacher. Although I was a timid 9th grader, I was pissed off enough at this point to blow everyone off. Eventually everyone must have realized that the teacher was a complete wanker because I got off without real punishment. And ironically, in the 4 years of high school, I had that teacher for a total of 3 english classes and 6 sports trimesters. After graduation, he got his comeuppance because my friends and I found his house, drove an hour out of our way, and trashed it with eggs, anchovies, mustard, ketchup...

Chestnuts roasted by TwoEvL @ 01/27/2004 12:11 PM EST

Did you ever notice that when the school faculty tries to buddy up to the students, it shows how out of touch they are? I went to the local boarding school for Native Americans here by town for a semester, and man was it ever strange. Best weirdness: the principals big fat idea was to bring the whole student body together for assembly. The entertainment? Some yabbo who was used to doing his thing for elementary on down. His audience? A couple hundred bored out their skulls Native American kids, about half of them surly teenagers. The program? sitting at a electric piano, singing stupid kids songs. The highlght (?) was this poor mook running around the gym, to a prerecorded track of "GhostBusters" with a toy laser pistol pretending to shoot ghosts. It all came crashing down when he said he was going to do a "Reverse Moonwalk" and just as he got into position, somebody on the far side of the crowd emitted one of the best Bronx Cheers I ever heard. The guy just stood there, with his butt pushed out, which was an unfourtunate stance for him to be in, with a look of total shock. Then the Super went nuts, rushing out and calling us ingrates, and using the word "pissant" which let us know he had watched "Best Little Whorehouse..." on TV the night before. (All us teenage boys did, Dolly Parton and all, you understand) Then he said the worst thing I ever heard any school higher-up say, "Some of you kids are here because your parents don't want you!" Holy Crap! We knew this guy had issues, he tried to keep us from seeing the quick flash of nudity in "Dragonslayer" which is an important plot point, but he thought it would whip us into a frenzy of some sort. But when those words fell out of his evil mouth, I knew I had to go back to the little farm school before I went insane in the not so good way. True or not, he didn't have to say that in front of the kids who come here from other states. Keee-ripes, man!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/27/2004 01:42 PM EST

Well, my career as a troublemaking asshole didn't really get started till high school, so I decided to make up for lost time by being as much of a sarcastic, condescending, bastard in nearly all my classes nearly from the very first day of freshman year.
My biggest official encounters with hostile authority took place at the end of eighth grade and the beginning of my senior year. In eighth grade I had my locker searched for drugs, as one of the drug-dogs had picked it out in one of the random searches they did every month or so, so I ended up waiting outside the assistant principal's office for most of the afternoon, with nothing to do until the school's resident police officer frisked me for whatever it was they thought I must have still been packing after the tremendous wait. (Jeezus, that's a big sentence!) They found nothing on me and nothing in my locker. This was especially funny as the school's drugs-and-sex issue counselor worked for my dad, who had designed and instituted the drug education curriculum at the school. I was also, a few months later as I was walking home from school, detained by police for no less than a full hour in a humid, smelly, police car, in sight and walking distance of the police station near the school. The officer told me that my parents had reported me as a run-away, to which I replied, asking whether this had been before or after they'd dropped me off at school that very morning. Needless to say, he didn't take kindly to my sarcasm, but I had thick metal bars between me and the driver's seat and knew I was totally innocent, so fuck him. After the point where I swore I was going to die in that car, another officer arrived 'on the scene', this one on foot. He took one look at me, a look at the picture he'd been given to identify the kid they were looking for, and gave the other officer a funny look, and said, "Who's that? That's not him. He doesn't even look like this one." Hurray for your tax dollars!
One of my latest forays into youthful rebellion was the day I came to school in drag, in accordance with the alternative (read: better and more fun) spirit week I'd devised to counter the Pep Club's lame-ass Homecoming Spirit Week. I went the full nine yards with pig-tailed, blue gel-streaked, hair, thick gray eye-liner, 'Fuck-me' pink lipstick, an ankle-length skirt (which replaced the prom dress I'd planned on wearing if I hadn't broken the damn zipper again!), and to top it all off, a sock-stuffed 36DD bra I'd found the previous summer (and thouroughly cleaned). Needless to say, I turned a few heads and drew some interesting comments, some expected (fag, goddamn homos, etc.), some not (dude, it's a good look for you, seriously.), and all was going well, as it had when I'd pulled the same stunt the year before with a different outfit and no administrative action. Then the bell rang for first hour. That's when the problems started. The slight headache I'd been repressing to that point suddenly grew to a more than uncomfortable level of pain, so my English teacher (God love her) sent me to the nurse. The nurse didn't appear to be in the office at the moment, so I went to the main office instead. That's when, after sitting for twenty minutes of excrutiating cranial torment, I found myself called into my dean's office. He didn't like my outfit apparently, but who was he, he of the bland collared shirt and stupid K-Mart tie, to judge me? I told him I was sorry our tastes weren't mutual and that I hoped he would try to be more open-minded in the future, but he told me that my fashion-sense was potentially offensive and demeaning to women, which I still fail to comprehend the logic of, and thought that calling my mother to bring me something more 'appropriate' (his word, not mine.) to wear was a better idea.
I was faced with a ten-day suspension if I refused to change (clothes) to fit their square mold. If I hadn't been involved in a play at the time (yep, the faggitude continues!), I would have totally given them the finger and taken a well-deserved rest from their bullshit, but such was not my decision as I lay there in the darkness of the room where they send you if you need to lie down in the nurse's office, a blessed icepack on my throbbing forehead, where I finally got to, lying broken, but not defeated, another victim of the status quo of high school politics.
So those are my stories of a hazardous youth, enjoy.

Chestnuts roasted by Princess Wuffles @ 01/27/2004 11:33 PM EST

Well, for starters I mooned the audiance at my grade 1 christmas concert, but *The Most* trouble I ever got in at school involved shooting another kid with a bb gun (at school) and being pulled out of class by my princpal.. I was quite the little hellion all along but that took the cake.. (still am) ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 01/28/2004 03:58 AM EST

btw my website is down atm so don't fucking bother telling me ;P

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 01/28/2004 04:00 AM EST

Last one I swear..

Grade 3, Our school used to let us out for a 15 minute "recess" to run off some of our energy so the teachers could fuck around for the rest of the morning..

One day when I was bored with chasing around the kid we all used to pick on, I picked up a particularly sharp rock and proceeded to scratch the collective shit out of every car in the teacher's parking lot..

I'm sure you can imagine their horror at discovering my handi-work, even more horrifying was when I was "ratted out" by the "Bully Foder" and forced into slave labor for the remainder of the school year and most of the following summer to repay the damages.

Hmm.. now I'm not quite sure which story takes the cake.. This one at least didn't involve "The Man".

Aside: I ended up getting the "Rat" back a few years later, but that's another story reserved for the "Paybacks" article.

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 01/28/2004 04:52 AM EST

In Public school I nailed the vice principal in the face with a snowball and got a 3 day suspension. 2 days after I got back, I hit janitor in the head with a snowball that I had spiced up with a small rock in the center. I got a 3 day vacation and the strap on the hands for that one. Last day of grade 8, I threw another kid's book bag out the window of our 3 floor school and the principal drove me home in the middle of class. Not too bad for a grade-schooler in the mid-80's.

Chestnuts roasted by Uplands Shawn @ 01/28/2004 01:39 PM EST

Uh, when I was in elementary school I took a wiz on the soccer field... GO TEAM!

Chestnuts roasted by Stoofuss @ 01/29/2004 05:57 PM EST

Hmm.. I was a bit of a trouble maker when I was in school. I got into trouble for just about everything, fighting, talking back to teachers, smoking, hacked into a computer my senior year which totally jeopordized me from graduating. The problem with me is, once i get into trouble, I tend to get into even more trouble. I don't know when to keep my mouth shut, and it lands me in a deeper hole. I'm not content with just getting one referal, I have to get three and go the suspension route. When I hacked into the computer, I re-wrote alot of the menus names, and program names in the tech lab/computer graphics class to Megadeth album names and song titles. My freakin lab partner is the one that ratted me out, just goes to show you that two people can keep a secret if one of em is dead. Landed me 30 days in what they called In House Crisis, would've gotten expelled but for some reason some of my other teachers came to my defense. I had to have a hearing and everything at the school, you'd think I was in some kind of military court martial hearing or something from the way it panned out. That was the biggest mess I ever got myself into in school. Everything I did before that was small play, they took me hacking into their computer pretty seriously. And it wasn't even a hacking job, all I did was guess the freakin password into the computer to grant me access into the administrator control options. The password was the most obvious thing, it was the initials of our high school. I was no stranger to suspensions and in houses however, I even had to go to Saturday school once because of a fight. I'm glad I graduated school when I did (1996), because of the ways things are now I would've been sending alarm bells to the freakin ATF or something. But if I had to do it all over again, I have a feeling I'd do the same things over... wouldn't change a thing. As bad as I was in high school, I still went to college and graduated.

Chestnuts roasted by Guitarmageddon @ 02/02/2004 03:32 AM EST

The worst (and stupidest) trouble I got into was in '99 just before Episode 1 was released...being the geek that I was, I thought it would be funny to put cryptic messages up beside my locker every day (like 'TWO DAYS UNTIL THE DAY'). MOST people knew that I was talking about Star Wars, inlcuding most of the teachers.

Unfortunately, this was apparently a little too soon after Columbine, and some grade 9's got freaked out, and lucky me, I got to go to the principal and explain that no, I wasn't trying to blow up the school, and yes, I was a huge geek.

Chestnuts roasted by M-Dan @ 02/02/2004 08:25 PM EST

Well one time in school this girl's ex boyfriend told me to tell the girl that he says "if her left leg is christmas and her right leg is thanksgiving can he meet her inbetween the holidays" I figure Ill do this favor for the guy since he said he was saying it. So I tell her and say he told me to tell ya that. She starts crying. Soon enoug hthey get back together or whatever so after shes made a big deal out of it she says it was all me. So I had to repeat the 7th grade after doing so well and only 2 more weeks left. So I had to study my ass off and apologize a trillion times before they agreed to give me a final shot. But when one of her friends gave me a hard time I called her a "fat cow" in which lead to another trip, thus placing my place in 7th grade for another year. So I had to spend another year in 7th grade, get written about for sexual harrasment in the papers, and get plenty of respect from people who hated that stuck up bitch. It was all worth it though. Luckily for me the new 7th graders didn't know who I was so I was considered "a new kid" and got to hook up with plenty of younger ladies. Not to mention I was in 7th grade so there wasn't much to achieve.

Chestnuts roasted by Adam @ 02/13/2004 01:43 AM EST

Bah, you probably just failed the grade.

Chestnuts roasted by Fitch @ 05/03/2004 09:34 PM EST

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Chestnuts roasted by auto loan online @ 11/04/2004 06:45 AM EST