01/20/2004 Entry: "Hrm. Let's give this a try..."

Today's Stupid Poll: What's the worst movie you've ever seen in theaters? Though "Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie" seems oddly entertaining to me now, I forced my mother to bring me home no more than 20 minutes in. Other candidates include "Career Opportunities" and "Murder By The Numbers," but that last one wasn't by choice. Leave your picks in the comments...

Chestnuts roasted by Master H @ 01/20/2004 10:01 AM EST

Return to Oz - mainly because i can remember being terrified of the 'Rock King' who stole the ruby slippers. The fact i was in a cinema watching this drivel was bad. Worse still, i'm forever scared with the memory of a claymation boulder who had penchant for invading my nightmares and wearing womens clothing.

Chestnuts roasted by Toeknee @ 01/20/2004 10:02 AM EST

Worst...movie...ever...Pauly Shore's Jury Duty. Fucking horrible. Only movie I have ever walked out of. I swore to never EVER see a Pauly Shore movie again. Not in theaters, not in my living room, not anywhere.

Chestnuts roasted by eyeless @ 01/20/2004 10:21 AM EST

When I was 9 or so, my parents took me to see Batteries Not Included. I don't remember much of it, though I remember strongly disliking it. I think maybe my brain has intentionally blocked out the details of this experience for my own good. I wouldn't call it a traumatic experience, but I remember wanting to leave the theater pretty badly. If memory serves, we stayed for the whole thing. Maybe I'd like it more if I saw it today, 17 years after my initial viewing, but really, I just don't care enough to rent it.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott M. @ 01/20/2004 10:30 AM EST

100% the WORST movie I have ever seen in a theater had to be The Blair Witch Project. I started out beleaving all the hype. I saw the Sci Fi Mocumentry . I surfed the website. I thought it would be a cool horror flick with a new directorial direction.

After two LONG hours the scarriest part of the movie was the chick taking a piss!

They didn't even show the @##%$@! witch!

I want my $5 back!

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 01/20/2004 10:45 AM EST

Tarzan and the Lost City (1998)

Absolutely the worst movie I've ever seen in a theatre.

Chestnuts roasted by Rybo Flavin @ 01/20/2004 11:12 AM EST

I admit it. I saw "The Haunted Mansion." Aaaaargh. The special effects were very pretty (the skeletons in the mausoleum were animated even better than the ones in Pirates) but they couldn't make up for the utter shit that everything else about the movie produced.

Chestnuts roasted by Lion @ 01/20/2004 11:31 AM EST

The worst movie I've ever seen in theares was Bridget Jones' Diary. I don't know why people thought that this movie was funny, maybe I'm just stupid or something. I couldn't follow the story or anything.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan @ 01/20/2004 11:42 AM EST

Here's my top two:

1. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Argh. Worst. Movie. Ever. It hurt my soul.

2. The Medallion. I figured "Hey, Jackie Chan movie. Can't be THAT bad." Oh man, was I wrong. Supposedly the most expensive Hong Kong movie ever made, or something like that. I think the expense all went to refunding people's ticket money.

Chestnuts roasted by Shawn @ 01/20/2004 11:42 AM EST

The only movie I've ever walked out on was What's The Worst That Could Happen, with Danny Devito and Martin Lawrence. As it turns out, that movie is the worst that could happen.

And Say Anything was a wonderful movie. So was Return to Oz, in fact I'm sort of surprised that hasn't been reviewed here yet.

Chestnuts roasted by i was a lion @ 01/20/2004 11:54 AM EST

Damn, I love Batteries Not Included. Then again, I love most movies from that time (yes, even Ghoulies). And did somebody say Return to Oz? For some reason that movie never scared me, I loved every minute of it.

As for my pick, it would probably go to something much more recent since I hold on to the other stuff like Linus' security blanket. Let's see... maybe The Ring? Yeah, what the hell was all the fuss about? The original is better.

There, that should press some buttons.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (#2?) @ 01/20/2004 11:57 AM EST

Quick list off the top of my big ol' noggin:
Pearl Harbor: you could have projected the movie on that one girl's forehead.
Star Wars Ep. II: barely advances the story, but Warlord Draco from Xena was in it, and has the longest explanation of Blue Balls I ever heard in it.
Hulk: should have been great, gave us a horrible version of Absorbing Man, and of course Hulk Dogs.
Worst movie I have on video: Blair Witch, bottom line, the students got what they deserved, spirit or no spirit. I would give it a good MSTing if it wasn't filmed in QueasyVision(tm). blech.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/20/2004 12:01 PM EST

the original was better? Matt #2... you are very wrong. the original was terrible... when people die, the screen goes black and white... that's not scary. in the english version, when people died, it was much better. The "scene" is a little bit better in the original, but other then that, the english version blew the original away in terms of scary factor.

Worst movie I ever saw in a theater... and also the worst movie I've ever seen: Nurse Betty...

Nurse Betty is the worst movie ever made. hands down. it was terrible. it was the closest I was to walking out of a movie.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 01/20/2004 12:14 PM EST

Cool World

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/20/2004 12:25 PM EST

Worst.Movie.Ever:

Cat in the Hat. It was like getting kicked in the nuts for the longest 90 minutes of life.

Chestnuts roasted by Bob @ 01/20/2004 12:26 PM EST

and Matt #1... you know what I didn't get.. it was called murder by numbers.... I don't remember numbers playing any part in that movie at all. it was stupid, and the title didn't make any sense.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 01/20/2004 12:26 PM EST

It was meant to reflect the stupid hot teen idol/psychotic MOIDERERS textbook follow-through on their killing plot. The meaning was sadly lost by all the numbers and such used in the title.

By the way, add "In The Line of Fire" to my collection. Not because it was a bad movie, but because somehow, I saw it in theatres SEVEN TIMES.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/20/2004 12:30 PM EST

It's a tie. Lemme tell ya 2 short stories...
1. What Women Want - Yes, you heard me right. I went to see this drivel with my roommate/friend Chris R. one day, as he was REALLY keen on seeing it, and we usually had fun pointing things out at movies. Don't ask me why he wanted to see it, but meh. So throughout the movie, neither of us said a word. Turns out we both wanted to leave the theatre 20 minutes into it. We both thought the other was actually ENJOYING what we were watching! Okay, next story's short.
2. G.I. Jane - Fine, I was 15, and "in love." First day I was going out with this girl Candice, she wanted to get her gurrrl empowerment on. Big mistake. Sure, I was with the girl, holding hands, blah blah, but good heavens, this movie sucked hard. All's I got was a kiss in the end. Man, these movies sucked.

Chestnuts roasted by Armagideon Time @ 01/20/2004 12:38 PM EST

Worst movie I ever saw in a theatre was actually the first movie I ever saw with my (now) husband. He wanted to see Buffalo '66. I'm from near Buffalo, I understand the heartbreak of Scott Norwood missing a field goal, should be... watchable. It's still the only movie I have ever discussed walking out of in the middle. Too bad I'm not a quitter, and we decided to stay. Now, we love it. Only because of the experience though, not the actual movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Alison @ 01/20/2004 12:38 PM EST

Worst movie ever was "Amos and Andrew" with Nick Cage and Samuel L Jackson. My friend and I had the day off from school so we went to our local movie theater. It was SOO awful. Seems like i was smart enough at 13 to walk out of a movie, but i guess i wasn't.

Chestnuts roasted by Dave @ 01/20/2004 12:43 PM EST

Kazaam. Man I wanted to give Shaq a chance, and bless the man for be willing to make fun of himself while doing it, but it was a piece of crap. You know a movie is bad when the "sad" parts make your bust-out laughing. (Plus you KNOW somebody was thinking, "Hey, Shaq plays for the Orlando Magic. Let's make him a MAGICIAN." Don't get me started on the racial undertones to the story.)

Chestnuts roasted by "Booty Boot Crystal" @ 01/20/2004 12:56 PM EST

I saw spawn in the theaters 6 times Matt... and for some reason, I thought it was awesome. God I was sooooo wrong. I thought it was rediculous to see something 3 times in a theater... but i kept going back... what was i thinking.

but nurse betty once was worse then spawn 6 times.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 01/20/2004 01:06 PM EST

Blair Witch? No, Blair Witch 2. That movie was utterly terrible. But it does not hold up to Gone Fishin'. Glover and Pesci should not have done a comedy. I did not laugh once. I REALLY hate that movie and wish it never existed.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/20/2004 01:17 PM EST

Matrix Revolutions, since I am usually a good judge about what movies to see, and this one blew, HARD. And even though it sucked, I have this thing where I can't miss one second of a movie, especially after paying for it, so downing an XL Dr. Pepper had me dancing inmy seat 30 minutes in. But being dragged to see the Lion King when I was about 9 was bad (I loathe Disney movies). Little kids were all staring at me with tears in their eyes when I laughed at the lion dude getting killed or whatever.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 01/20/2004 01:21 PM EST

hammington - I hope you meant "Anything Else" up there, not "Say Anything". "Say Anything" stars John Cusack (Lloyd Dobler)& Ione Skye (Diane Court)and is one of my very favorite films.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/20/2004 01:23 PM EST

Haunted Honeymoon. Complete drek!

Chestnuts roasted by Pig Malien @ 01/20/2004 01:27 PM EST

The only movie I ever walked out of is "Almost Heros". We lasted about 3 minutes after the opening credits. Fortunatly, we had enough sense to sneak into a different movie and that's the reason I saw "A Perfect Murder".

Chestnuts roasted by TwoEvL @ 01/20/2004 01:27 PM EST

Godzilla...Godzilla. Godzilla, mother of Gigli.

Chestnuts roasted by Kennef @ 01/20/2004 01:30 PM EST

Geez, worst movie in a theater?? I wouldn't know where to start! In recent years it would be "The Ring" (though for some reason I was up till 1 AM watching it on cable last night and being interested in it!), Darkness Falls (nothing like a theater with NO surround sound and 50 teenagers who screamed everytime someone opened a closet), and McHale's Navy was the worst Tim Curry movie I've seen in a theater. I remember there were only 5 people in the whole place, two kids about 12 years old walked out so it just goes to show you how bad it really was if 12 year olds didn't like it! I'm sure there's many others from my past but it's hard to separate worst FILM from worst theater experience at the moment since it all blends together in one unspeakable horror.
Melissa Y.
(resident Tim Curry fan who hated McHale's Navy and STILL does!)

Chestnuts roasted by Melissa Y. @ 01/20/2004 01:32 PM EST

the Matrix Reloaded ugh.. followed by Matrix Revolutions and probably that Planet of the Apes remake.. oh and the Time Machine.. what a disappointment. Reminded me too much of that horrible Planet of the Apes remake.

Chestnuts roasted by Toxicity- @ 01/20/2004 01:50 PM EST

The worst movie I ever saw is a draw between "Not Another Teen Movie" and "Freddy Got Fingered." If there was humor there I missed it. I hated both of these flicks, thankfully I paid for neither.

Oh and I can't post this without mentioning Adam Sandler's "8 Crazy Nights" a truly terrible animated film. I'm a fan of his, but I'll never forgive him for that atrocity.

I definitely have to second the nominations: for "Spawn," "Blair Witch 2," and "Hulk," being on the worst of list, but I demand "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey," be removed. STATION!

Chestnuts roasted by Greg In NJ @ 01/20/2004 01:50 PM EST

Blue Chips

Saw it TWICE.... walked out of it TWICE. Why did I go twice? When you are in eighth grade, you gotta depend on where the majority of friends wanna go and where the carpooling mom is willing to drive... damn me for hanging with two circles that wanted to see that movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/20/2004 01:52 PM EST

I work in a movie theatre, so I see a lot of terrible movies. Once the theatre closes, we have staff screenings where we all watch various movies that are in the theatre. Normally we watch the good movies (I think I saw X2 4 or 5 times at staff screenings...) but my friends and I have our own special screenings called "The From Justin to Kelly Movie Club" where we watch all the terrible movies and make fun of them together. From Justin to Kelly has got to be one of the biggest pieces of crap I've ever seen. The other two movies added to the series so far are "Love Don't Cost a Thing" with Nick Cannon and Christina Millian (who, you say? God that movie was awful) and Swimfan, which was added retroactively because it was terrible too.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/20/2004 01:53 PM EST

Saw the second "Matrix" missed the third. Honestly, Flynn from "Tron" got his act together faster than Neo did. I'm tired of the whole 'you get zapped in VR so your real body dies even if you know you're in a rtificial construct' gimmick in movies and TV. Neo should have been able to create some huge weaponry from programming to counter the other avatars or whatever, but noooo....

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash (queasy version) @ 01/20/2004 02:03 PM EST

Hellraiser:Bloodline

Robocop 2

Karate Kid 3

Lethal Weapon 4

I wanted to shoot myself in the head.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 01/20/2004 02:05 PM EST

Gone fishing is definately up there. Spice world was pure bordom. Star trek 5 was pretty bad.
The super mario bros, street fighter, judge dred.
The worst I've ever seen though, was Fled with Steven-igotnotalent-Baldwin. T3 is a close 2nd.

Chestnuts roasted by turkeys can't fly? @ 01/20/2004 02:22 PM EST

Street Fighter: The Movie for me.

Also, to respond to Ryan's post about the Haunted Mansion skeletons being better animated than the Pirates ones, it's because they weren't animated, they're all practical effects(guys in costumes)

Chestnuts roasted by Casey Jones @ 01/20/2004 02:31 PM EST

My candidates include:

Jurassic Park:Lost World (stupid T rex in the city scene)
Jurassic Park III (could have really used a T rex in the city scene)
28 Days (or really, any romantic comedy with Sandra Bullock)
Supergirl (you all know about this one)
Lost in Space (Matt Leblanc--enough said)
Back to the Beach (a movie riding n a Pee Wee Herman cameo, for god's sake)
Godzilla (American version. What a waste of Kaiju legend)
The Shadow (I can't say why, other than REALLY REALLY SYUPID. Blame the Baldwin guy)

There are undoubtedly others, but those come most quickly to mind.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 01/20/2004 02:33 PM EST

I saw Ice Age in theaters and it drained the life out of me. I took my girl friend to see it. No kiss or anything after it.

Chestnuts roasted by Fk27 @ 01/20/2004 02:36 PM EST

Easily one of the worst movies ever made...and the only movie I have EVER walked out of, THE STUPIDS....Tom Arnold and a claymation cat and dog. Seriously unwatchable...

Chestnuts roasted by Trash @ 01/20/2004 02:41 PM EST

Remember the Chevy Chase dog "Modern Problems" where he gets doused with nuclear waste and gains special powers? I was 10 or 11 when I went... and walked out less than halfway through.

If only I had saved that $5 and invested it, I could buy Chevy Chase's career now!

Chestnuts roasted by adam @ 01/20/2004 02:43 PM EST

I agree on the Street Fighter movie. All the fighters just happen to wind up looking like their video game counterparts by the end of the film. Yeah, that was clever. The anime was much better. Jean-Claude as Guile, HA!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/20/2004 02:45 PM EST

ohhhhh I gotta add on, Every single Sandra Bullock movie ever blows big time. and the blair witch project thingy. lukily I've never paid for a sandra bullock movie, and I only paid two bucks for blair witch. The best part is, I got so motion sick, and had the flu at the time, so some poor movie theatre employee had to clean up my puke. I just pretended I didn't just puke all over the next two seats, and walked out. serves em right.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 01/20/2004 02:48 PM EST

Forgot about femme fatal. All the naked breasts in the world could'nt save that one.

Chestnuts roasted by turkeys can't fly? @ 01/20/2004 02:56 PM EST

Idle Hands. I prayed that it would all end soon.
Apollo 13-the only movie I ever walked out on. It was such a critical success but to me it sucked shit through a bendy straw.
Hackers...I recently saw it agaain on cable figuring maybe I had missed something. Nope it sucked a second time too.
Street Fighter wasn't so bad that I couldn't watch it but it was painful to see Raul Julia's last rold be M Bison and the Belgian American hero Guile...
Rowan- Troll and Pinnochio's Revenge are great examples of torture :) Saweet pics, dude.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/20/2004 03:05 PM EST

Mars Attacks

Chestnuts roasted by pogocorpse @ 01/20/2004 03:12 PM EST

I used to belong to a kids' movie club to see sneak previews. Some of the crap I had to see included "Cop and a Half," and "We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story." A few years later, I snuck into a sneak preview (had a pass for another sneak preview at the theater that I didn't want to see) of "Road Trip." Good thing I never paid for those movies.
But I think my viewing of "Super Mario Bros." was paid for.

Chestnuts roasted by JG! @ 01/20/2004 03:12 PM EST

I have to say pokemon #1 it was all about the hype and was not up to my expecations. And it was not worth all the time I spent waiting for it.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 01/20/2004 03:13 PM EST

i can watch any piece of crap and find something in it worth a little bit of while, but my then girlfriend now wife, wanted to see "autumn in new york", we left about 15 mins into it, i was assuming i wouldnt be a fan of it going in, but WOW what a predictable cliched lump of key-rap....

how can you knock mars attacks ?

Chestnuts roasted by saint matthew @ 01/20/2004 03:25 PM EST

I felt reeeeeeally sorry for ice t in johnny mnemonic. Being in anything with Keanu is bad enough, but he lost all credibility when he put that kangaroo costum on. That eden movie with Dan Ackroyd and Rosie O'Donnel. Rosie in leather, I was blinded by the sight. I wish some one would have assasinated Rob Shneider for doing The Animal.

Chestnuts roasted by turkeys can't fly? @ 01/20/2004 03:25 PM EST

Yeah Street Fighter II was infact a big disappointment. Only funny part I get a kick out of was when Bison mocked Sagat by covering one of his eyes with his hand and saying, "What's a matter Sagat can't see the whole picture. Anime series is surely the best ever and is more watchable. Of course I'm a big Street Fighter II fan. But the movie was just a mockery. I guess the director couldn't even see the whole picture on what he did.

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan_Steele @ 01/20/2004 03:26 PM EST

Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Although the only movie I've ever walked out of was The New Kid, with a group of friends. We even got our money back.

Chestnuts roasted by Bean_Shadow @ 01/20/2004 03:42 PM EST

I have seen both Battlefield Earth and Master of Disguise in theaters.

Chestnuts roasted by MadMax1001 @ 01/20/2004 03:53 PM EST

Wasn't it Tank Girl where Ice T played a kangaroo? Meh. Great film, anyway.

By the way, I second (or third or fourth - whatever) Hulk, and nominate Daredevil too.

Chestnuts roasted by Rogue Scholar @ 01/20/2004 03:55 PM EST

I have to agree with Mars Attacks and the Haunted Mansion being bad. With both, I wanted to leave, but kept feeling like it HAD to get better! Yeah, no. It didn't. I literally fell asleep in Star Wars I (or maybe II; hard to distinguish), which I had never done before and haven't done since. Very sad. Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions also bad. However, the movie that I thought was dreadful but couldn't get any of my 'artsy' friends to agree with was Punch Drunk Love with Adam Sandler. It's a 'what the fuck?' kind of a movie that was just a string of unrelated incidents that don't happen to real people. Sorry if I'm just not intellectual enough to figure it out; sometimes I don't *like* having to figure out movies!

*phew* Now that that is off my chest, you can now buy canisters at Disney of colored hot cocoa: red, blue, pink, dark green, light green, and of course, PURPLE! Haven't tried it yet but if that isn't a great gimmick for kids then I don't know what is! Even better, each color corresponds to a Disney character: pink, light green, and purple are 'princess' colors, and red, blue, and dark green are Buzz Lightyear and...others.

I probably could've mention that in conjunction with the colored popcorn but I didn't. So sue me!

Chestnuts roasted by purplegirl247 @ 01/20/2004 04:02 PM EST

Four words
The Underground Comedy Movie.

This was my sophmore year of college and the local movie theater was doing different midnight movie screenings. So some guys are on cmapus with portable dvd players showing the trailer for this film (you've probably seen them seeling it on late night tv) It looked really funny. So I convinced my roommate and neighbor to go see it.
Well first of all the night already sucked as our football team suffered a triple overtime loss in which we lsot our starting quarterback for the season to injury. SO the game finally ends at midnight, we rush down the street to the theater, and end up waiting another 15 minutes for the film to start.

It was HORRIBLE, even the few moments that were funny in the trailer were not funny the second time around. The sex jokes were disgusting, the disgusting joeks were more disgusting. and it dragge don and on. I was desperately hoping for either some comedy or some nudity, and neither came. The absolute low point was the homeless beauty pageant, even remembering it brings shivers...

And it wasn't even a so bad it's good type of thing, it was just bad...

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/20/2004 04:26 PM EST

Strangest movie reaction, courtesy of Little Brother: Whenever a film like "Dances with Wolves" or "Geronimo" comes out, he gets people that find out he's american indian, then have to say that now they understand what our people have gone through. Best one was an old lady who told him something like, "When you have your uprising, I'll support you 100%." Unknown danger of living in a college town, I guess.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/20/2004 04:27 PM EST

Aww Duck how can you hate Idle Hands? I love that movie. Seth Green wandering around with a broken bottle stuck in his head, Devon Sawa being all twitchy, and the fat kid finally finding a slutty girl to love him, only to see her chopped into goop by a fan... if that isn't entertainment I dunno what is!

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/20/2004 04:34 PM EST

The worst movie in recent memory i saw in the theaters was "Old School". I swear the jokes were written by 13 year old boys. Calling someone a faggot is considered humor?? Bleh.

Chestnuts roasted by lain @ 01/20/2004 04:38 PM EST

Where the heck is Duck? How rough was last night?

Let's see, worst movie, best experience - Friday the 13th part VIII, Jason Takes Manhattan. The movie was obviously a huge joke, even to the people making it. Although, the theatre was packed, and it had a Rocky Horror atmosphere going on.

Worst movie, worst experience: I actually spent money to go see In the Bedroom. It wasn't too bad for the first ten minutes or so, and then Nick Stahl bites it (w/ a cavernous head wound that was actually pretty cool), and the rest of the movie was like watching my grandparents play Scrabble. Boring and almost painful to my psyche.

Movie I paid to see numerous times but I have no idea why: Dazed and Confused. Actually, I think it was to hear Matthew Maconaughy say, "Hey, man. Watch the leather, man," in clear, stoned-out fashion. Oh, maybe it was to see that guy in the overalls jump rooftops. Who knows.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/20/2004 04:39 PM EST

Duck, how did your psot sneak past me like that? Sneaky bird...

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/20/2004 04:52 PM EST

Now granted, I only skimmed lightly, but how could it take this long for someone to mention the absolute worst film in the history of the universe. It was directed horribly, writen horribly, acted horribly and worst of all, failed to have anything to do with it's intended subject.

"House of The Dead" had zilch to do with the game, the worst acting I have ever seen, and was directed in such a manner that it could give you sesures. That film has got to be the Crem de la Crap.

Chestnuts roasted by Goodolwt @ 01/20/2004 04:54 PM EST

Easy, Tom Greens opus, Freddy Got Fingered. Other ones that come to mind are the McHales Navy remake, Carpool, Tomcats, Tomb Raider, Terminator 3, Supernova, The Punisher, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, Street Fighter, Surf Ninjas, The Medallion, holy God I've seen too many movies.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/20/2004 05:11 PM EST

Almost forgot, Wild, Wild West.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/20/2004 05:12 PM EST

Never underestimate those who have a duck as their spirit animal. Finding webbed footprints in your oatmeal is the only warning you'll ever get.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/20/2004 05:14 PM EST

Nothing But Trouble - This film took big stars and made them suck. Demi Moore, Chevy Case, Dan Akroyd, and The Digital Underground (Do the Humpty Hump). Its a film that is so bad that it needed a music video in the middle to make it longer.

Also I sort of tolerated the 5th Element the first time I saw it in the theater, but now HBO thinks that we need to see this one every day. Seriously, this film is on one of the HBO's constantly. Talk about beating a dead horse.

Chestnuts roasted by Moose @ 01/20/2004 05:26 PM EST

"Dumb and Dumberer" (Lost a bet and figured the director of "Mr. Show" would make it at least decent. He showed that he needs Bob and David; like how he messed up "Run Ronnie Run" by not allowing them to make their cut to the film.)
Crash (David Croenberg's movie about people having car accidents and the fetish they develop from the experience. Walked out after James Spader and Rosanna Arquette's leg gash had a passionate moment.)
"Star Wars: Episode I" (I was yelled at opening night by the SW fans since I could not control my laughter.)
"Gattaca" (Theatre manager woke me up from my snooze because I was snoring too loud.)
Emmerich's "Godzilla" (I started doing an impression of a Japanese scientist. He was was supposedly the scientific advisor for the film. Had a third of the audience listening and laughing at me during the final ten minutes.)
"Master of the Universe" (The first movie I was ever disappointed by as a kid. I love the movie now for its goofiness and of course Dolph at the Thanksgiving day parade.)

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/20/2004 05:41 PM EST

I don't remember ever seeing a movie I truly hated in the theater, but then, I'm generally easy on movies. Even ones that other people say suck (for instance, I love "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey," both recent "Star Wars" movies, and "Return to Oz," which my parents have on tape at home). I'm not a horror fan or a fan of really sophmoric humor, which eliminates such obvious canadates as "Freddy Got Fingered" and "The Blair Witch Project" (my sisters loved that movie, go figure). I did hate "Godzilla" when my brother got so into it (big dinosaur that eats New York, big deal).

When I was a teenager, I would see a movie every August, one of the worst months of the year for movies, usually because I was bored. I would never have even debated seeing "A Very Brady Sequal" otherwise. No masterpiece, but not bad (Matt, you're a Brady fan, you may already have seen it). I also saw "The Replacements" in August - fun, if you can get past the fact that if Keanu Reeves is a quarterback, I'm Jennifer Lopez.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/20/2004 05:49 PM EST

Worst movie- Rollerball... the remake. I have this friend who was dying to see it and nobody would go with her... so I did. I should have listened to everybody else. We both thought it was awful, and I threw down $8.50 to see it... then somebody threw out my ticket.

Worst movie experience for a good movie- 101 Dalmatians- the original. I was maybe 4 or 5 years old, and we sat in front of this other family. It's a dog (and occasionally cat, right?) movie, and their little kid, who was maybe a year younger than me, would yell "Cat, cat!" or "Dog, dog!" EVERY time that one would come onscreen. It was horrible.

And in response to whoever (whomever?) mentioned Tomcats (I'm too lazy to look for it, sorry!), my best friend paid to see a different movie and snuck into the theater to see that. She still regrets it to this day.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 01/20/2004 05:55 PM EST

Casual Sex? Ah 1988, I was 14 and I was going to see a movie with Sex in the title...

Chestnuts roasted by goblin22 @ 01/20/2004 05:57 PM EST

Secrets and Lies.

Two hours of pure Life Channel quality torture for a 13 year old girl to sit through.

Chestnuts roasted by Lucky Cat @ 01/20/2004 06:05 PM EST

Bless The Child

I dragged my date to this frigging movie, expecting some sort of Exorcist type movie. I wound up bored off of my ass the whole time. I don't know if the suckiness of the movie caused this, but i'll blame it anyway: my date wound up with a migraine, and i didn't get any after the movie. stupid fucking flick

Chestnuts roasted by Jerry Atrik @ 01/20/2004 06:23 PM EST

no one has said bio-dome or fear dot com, im amazed

Chestnuts roasted by spongerob @ 01/20/2004 06:33 PM EST

I'm pretty easy on movies,and try not to go to movies I don't really want to see,but in hindsight,King Ralph and Look Who's Talking Too probably weren't the greatest films to go see in the theater. I saw The Santa Clause 2,but that was becuase the movie I really wanted to see was sold out.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 01/20/2004 06:37 PM EST

I hate walking out of a movie that I spent money on, but I went to go see Down with Love a few months ago, that was an awful awful movie and 30 minutes into it, I walked out. Other bad ones, Love Actually, anything with Tom Green. When I was about 12, I saw the movie ED, with joey from friends. I didn't walk out of that one, but I should have. Was boring and had the worst looking gorilla ever,but if I remember right, it played baseball. Whoo

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 01/20/2004 06:39 PM EST

Rainbowfeet.... It was I who mention the magnificence that is Tomcats, and like ten other people on here, I truely feel for your poor friend, I still have night terrors about that damn movie.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/20/2004 06:40 PM EST

I did not see this movie in theaters, but it is the worst movie ever made. GUMMO. It is so fucking boring and without a plot. It's truely, truely hard to watch. UGH!

Chestnuts roasted by mindsuckr @ 01/20/2004 06:43 PM EST

Just remembered two more, saw these as a child, was young enough at the time that I didn't realize they sucked. Cop and 1/2, the fantastic Burt Renolds film where in he befriends a small black child and, naturally, takes him with him on drug busts, and Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot. God, I actually liked those as a kid, I must have been the only 6 year old in midwestern Illinois on crack.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/20/2004 06:44 PM EST

i know everyone is thinking it but Congo the movie was horrible, i heard the book was good though

Chestnuts roasted by spongerob @ 01/20/2004 06:52 PM EST

All of you be grateful that you haven't seen the second worst movie in the whole world: 2001's "Waking Life."

Here's the plot: Ugly, squishy-looking rotoscoped animation tells the story of people babbling at length about the meaning of life and the meaning of dreams, and there's some sort of subplot about how a guy is dreaming all this. The first plot point comes a half-hour into the movie, where he flips a switch and the lights don't go off.

In essence, you could see this movie for free by walking into Starbucks, finding a smug, self-congratulatory first-year sociology student, and ask him/her to wax philosophical about how they know the real answer to the world's problems, and wave a frosted shower door in front of their faces as they do so. I promise you wouldn't notice the difference.

The worst movie in the entire world, worse than Plan 9, Manos, and Batman & Robin combined, is of course The Neverending Story III... but I didn't see that in theaters, so it don't count here.

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 01/20/2004 07:22 PM EST

mindsuckr, Gummo is great to guy like me with a strange sense of humor. Harmony Korine made it, and like his Julien: Donkey Boy, I found it to be "painfully hilarious." Painful in that he writes and shoots realistic-like scenerios (Dogme95 style) and hilarious in the same twisted realistic-like way the odd moments come off.

Chestnuts roasted by 5/8ths of a swell person @ 01/20/2004 07:27 PM EST

I see a lot of movies in theaters, but I try to find the good in all the movies I see. Dana Carvey's impression of Quint from Jaws was almost worth the $2 I paid to see "Master of Disguise." I don't remember what I liked about the "Planet of the Apes" remake, but it was overshadowed by the fact that it was a really late showing and I went with my stepbrother's pot-smoking friends.

But I have to say that the first movie that I saw in theaters that I remember not liking was "Star Trek V". Looking at IMDb, I had to have been 5, it's amazing I still remember seeing it. All I can really remember is McCoy watching his father die and me thinking, "what?" I may not have thought it was bad then (I don't remember), but I know it's bad now.

Chestnuts roasted by 005 @ 01/20/2004 07:33 PM EST

Ah!, I have seen Waking Life, it was wierd, but not half bad. I still think it should have been nominated that year for best animated film.

I even own it on dvd, though I haven't watched it...

Oh I know the 2nd worst movie I ever paid to see.

Super Mario bros.

*shudders at the thought*

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/20/2004 07:40 PM EST

My bf and I looked forward to seeing Jurassic Park III with glee as soon as it was announced. Yes, we should have learned from The Lost World, but what can I say? We were young and hopeful. Halfway through the movie, he turned to me and said "If that little kid is not torn to pieces when they find him, I'm walking out." Of course *spoiler alert* somehow the thirteen year old boy survived on an island full of dinosaurs with only a bottle of T-Rex pee to his name, when dozens of muscleheads with bazookas were killed within minutes, and dinosaur and security experts were devoured. Pure sequel logic. At that point, the movie had gotten so ridiculous that our curiousity got the better of us and we broke our promise to walk out. That's the closest I've ever come to walking out of a theater. (MST fans always have a reason to watch even the worst movies)
After paying to see Matrix Reloaded, I wasn't stupid enough to pay for Revolutions, so I downloaded a camcorder version. During the most dramatic moments, the audience would be laughing so hard at the horrible script that you couldn't even hear the dialog!
Technically, I didn't see it in theaters, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the disaster that was Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses. Add one part horror schlock, two parts derivative gore, three parts bad acting; chill and serve.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/20/2004 07:49 PM EST

Bulletproof Monk.

I was forced to go. I protested all the way. We watched it in dead silence and when the credits rolled, we sat motionless. Then, my boyfriend spoke up.
"Well.. I guess Shannon was right."

Chestnuts roasted by Isca @ 01/20/2004 07:57 PM EST

Bad movies - so many to choose from...

KIng Kong, the 70's version with the monkey climbing up the Trade Center is horrible. Seeing Kong blow dry that chick after showering her in a water fall was just too strange.

Bram Strokers Dracula - I walked out after I got tired of stabbing myself in the arm with my car keys to stay awake.

The Chase with Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson. The entire movie was stupid, but them having sex while driving a car in police chase was even more stupid.

The Skulls or whatever it was that had the kid from the Mighty Ducks and the ever cardboard Paul Walker. What a shitty movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Planet Garp @ 01/20/2004 08:12 PM EST

I have to go with the movie They...thankfully the only thing I really remember after that disaster was this guy walking out of it saying..and I quote "so...They were..Monkeys!?"

Chestnuts roasted by Kyle @ 01/20/2004 08:13 PM EST

Kart Racer.

Jesus fuck was that ever terrible.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/20/2004 08:54 PM EST

I can't believe I left out Congo (A Tim Curry classic, if ever there could be one). This was right after Jurassic Park, so there was no excuse fo rthe terrible animatronics and CGI in a Crichton-based film. But yes, the book is decent. Not great, nothing remarkable, but should have produced a MUCH better film.

And yet one other--Eraserhead. Artistic film noire featuring a screeching thing and a plotless story. I stayed only to se Iron Monkey afterwards.

And I shouldn't have knocked Lost in Space, I have great Drive-In memories of that film from my second viewing, if you catch my drift. We (me and ex-girlfriend) knew we weren't missing much, and had already seen Scream (2? maybe? It sucked too, but not as bad). But we were already there...

We left soon after.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 01/20/2004 09:27 PM EST

Congo was bad, wasn't it...I think I had blocked that from my mind. It's sad too because the book was pretty good. Just the movie did do much for character development. I couldn't have cared less if any of them had died. And then came the apes. That was a shoot me now moment.

Spongerob- I just saw feardotcom on cable a couple of days ago. It most definitely was a poke your eyes out to save yourself movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/20/2004 10:09 PM EST

The Matrix, hands down. I swore I would never watch it again and to this day I haven't, or any of its sequels. What else...? Oh, I seen the original Batman when I was 6 and didn't like it. Do drive-in's count? If so then I have a double feature horror math problem. The Wedding Singer + Lost in Space = 1 shitty ass double feature

Chestnuts roasted by Trampus @ 01/20/2004 10:33 PM EST

this ones easy. "dude wheres my car" i got talked into, TALKED into! it was against all better judgements, almost walked out...

Chestnuts roasted by graeme @ 01/20/2004 10:36 PM EST

I'd have to go with "Look Who's Talking Now" saw bits of it on a date. But eh, I GOT BROADBAND! Imediately I started Downloading episodes of transformers, and damn was the 3rd season messed up, right now I'm watching an episode where Galvatron goes to a planet inhabited by Psychiatrists. Cmon, with plots like this how can people seriously be bashing the dynasty that was the post movie season?

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 01/20/2004 10:46 PM EST

I really hate crowds, so I only go to the movies if I really, really want to see something (usually the summer blockbusters). So I don't think I've ever hated anything I've seen. I guess Thirteen Ghosts would be the worst. But definitely the most disappointing was Phantom Menace. After waiting and reading every rumor out there for 16 years, it definitely felt like a kick in the nuts.

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 01/20/2004 10:55 PM EST

The re-make of "Godzilla" with Matthew Broderick. God that was awful.

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 01/20/2004 10:56 PM EST

Trampus, how can you say that the Wedding Singer plus anything is horrible? The Wedding Singer has freaking Billy Idol in it, with a scary biker defending him. And that Boy George wannabe guy. That's just good entertainment.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/20/2004 10:59 PM EST

"I have to go with the movie They...thankfully the only thing I really remember after that disaster was this guy walking out of it saying..and I quote "so...They were..Monkeys!?" "

have you ever read the original script for that movie? I used to have it bookmarked but now I can't find it. I sent it to Matt, but it was months ago. Anyway, the scrpt was tres creepy. I can't believe they changed so much of it and made it so... run of the mill. I swear, if they filmed the original script, they could name it something else and no one would be the wiser. Too bad.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/20/2004 11:04 PM EST

Oops, found it:
http://www.joblo.com/scripts/they2.htm

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/20/2004 11:11 PM EST

I've only seen a handful of movies in theaters during my life, so I can only say I hated the movies I was dragged in to without a choice. Most notably would be The Birdcage 'cuz (as I recall) it was nothing but a boring, 2-hour sitcom plot and I was also younger and hadn't eaten in two days...

Chestnuts roasted by Rewolf J @ 01/20/2004 11:14 PM EST

Gabbs, if they put evil hands in The Wedding Singer would it be your most favorite? Just kidding. I liked The Wedding Singer too. One of my classmates used the song from the airplane for her final exam so it sticks in my head (I wanna grow old with you.)

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/20/2004 11:14 PM EST

http://www.joblo.com/scripts/they2.htm
script for They^

Chestnuts roasted by spongerob @ 01/20/2004 11:14 PM EST

o wait he found it my bad

Chestnuts roasted by spongerob @ 01/20/2004 11:15 PM EST

Worst movies I've ever seen in a theatre?

Fried Green Tomatoes is up there. I went in hoping for a disturbing mystery... and I got farms. Lots of farms. I fell asleep. Now I watch Big O for INTERESTING tomatoes.

Me, Myself, and Irene was just frikkin' awful. It was the movie that ended my intent to see every Jim Carrey movie and be selective.

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm was good... until I figured out the mystery BEFORE BATMAN. Some detective...

Oh, and the reason no one's listed BioDome? No one had bad enough taste to go see it. DUH.

Chestnuts roasted by Aaron @ 01/20/2004 11:15 PM EST

I can't remember the name of the worst film I saw at the theater. It was some Australian science fiction movie about the end of the world or life on Mars, I can't remember which. There were about 4 people living in some sort of outpost, everything was white and future looking inside. Outside it was a barren desert. Then something happend. Can't remember what. I saw this in about the only place in the world where it didn't go direct to video, Labasa in the Fiji Islands. I saw it about 5 years ago and the thing I remember most vididly was the sound my glass coke bottle made rolling down the concrete floor of the theater when I knocked it over.

Chestnuts roasted by Sepp Heckmann @ 01/20/2004 11:43 PM EST

A movie with Billy Idol and evil hands would be sweet! Then again, Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies ;) AND I GET TO GO TO THE DAVID BOWIE CONCERT TOMORROW!!! WOOHOO! I'm so excited, I love Bowie. I don't think he'll sing anything from Labyrinth though, oh well.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/20/2004 11:49 PM EST

Bubble Boy

Chestnuts roasted by Tadashi @ 01/21/2004 12:11 AM EST

"Super Mario Bros.: The Movie! This ain't no game! Yeah!"

Good God, I waited like five freagin' years for that movie to come out, dragged my family to see it in the theaters, and half way through, I realize it was quite possibly the worse thing I have ever seen. BOWSER IS NOT A SKINNY, BLONDE MAN IN A BUSINESS SUIT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!! PLEASE, SOMEONE, ANYONE, STAB ME IN THE EYES NOW BEFORE I WITNESS ANYMORE OF THIS CELLULOID TRAVASTY!!

...anyway, it was bad.

Chestnuts roasted by Lone_Psycho @ 01/21/2004 12:16 AM EST

Brotherhood of the wolf, maybe? I never get suckered by bad films, so this one blindsided me.

Chestnuts roasted by meenk @ 01/21/2004 12:54 AM EST

The Governess starring Minnie Driver. My mom took my whole family to see, said it was artistic and well done. Also we had to see cause it was a story about a Jewish women who pretends she is not and being Jewish, my mom thought it was important to go see this cinematic event?

So what's this movie about anyways? Well something to do with Minnie Driver becoming a Nanny then helping this old guy discover how to develop film, then she has sex with thim numerous times. The girl she is watching is obsessed with death, the old guy's son is is obsessed with Minnie...in the end it turned out to be a soft-core porn.

Due to me and the rest of my family, my mom will never be able to forger her mistake of taking the whole family to a porn movie.

Oh and just a side note, I would've thought that Minnie's tits we bigger, guess I was wrong.

Chestnuts roasted by ZACWAX @ 01/21/2004 01:08 AM EST

Hey, I liked Brotherhood of the Wolf (never saw it in theatres, though).

I'd forgotten about Birdcage. That sucked. Another one that I'd forgotten--In and Out. Kevin Kline coming to terms with his homosexuality. With Tom Selleck. We always knew from the moustache.

I don't see many movies in theatres. But as my memory returns, I seem to have seen a lot of crap in theatres, at least at one time. Movies are just too much $$$ to waste these days.

And I notice that Lost in Space has tortured other drive-in goers. But I've already discussed that.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 01/21/2004 01:29 AM EST

I have to stand up in defense of Wedding Singer (saw it in the theater, liked it, still do), and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, which ranks as an all time favorite of mine. But, to each their own I guess.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 01/21/2004 01:50 AM EST

"Dungeons and Dragons". It was so amazingly bad and blatantly ripped off of other movies that afterwards my friends and I wandered over to the next screen to see "Dude, Where's My Car?" and I actually liked it.

Dungeons and Dragons was like what would happen if you transcribed everything that happened in a bunch of 12-year-olds' very first D&D game and threw it on the screen with some crappy special effects. I mean, when a WAYANS BROTHER dies and you're like "Well damn, there goes the only interesting thing about the movie," you know it's bad.

Oh yeah, I saw "Spawn" too. Crappy movie, great soundtrack.

Chestnuts roasted by Dragonblink @ 01/21/2004 02:36 AM EST

Up until recently, Dracula, Dead and Loving It was the worst movie i ever saw. Well..make then never saw.Me and a friend walked out 20 into the movie. I recently saw the movie on cable..and i Loved it..i guess the joke was on me.

Chestnuts roasted by Big J @ 01/21/2004 02:38 AM EST

Cop & 1/2 is a great movie, and whoever said otherwise is wrong.
What comes after L?

Chestnuts roasted by kerereeeeer @ 01/21/2004 02:40 AM EST

Oh howdy hell, Bubble Boy...That was one my roommate put on the TV and would not change no matter how my eyes bled.

Who knew, Gabbs. I was just thinking about Billy Idol's not so idle hands (ewww) and then you bring up Bowie. About the only constant in my life is that I love Bowie. Just not in THAT way.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/21/2004 03:31 AM EST

Actually, I was thinking about this very subject quite recently, and, if I had to name just one, Kevin Costner's The Postman. Rrrriiiigggghhht, the postman character is the only person whom remembers Shakespeare; erm, wasn't everyone else aside from the kids alive at the time of the nuclear war? Why is Kevin Costner's character the only one seemingly not suffering from collective cultural amnesia? And what's with the town with Tom Petty as mayor (the mayor is never named, but Kevin acts like it's Tom Petty)? If it's over 15 years after, wouldn't Tom Petty have aged some?

Another Costner turd I paid to see was 3000 Miles to Graceland, though I didn't like that one because I just found it abhorrently violent with no redeeming qualities, and the Kurt Russell character is supposed to be the criminal we sympathize with because he didn't do any of the actual killing during the heist at the beginning of the film, but he was an accomplice to a plan where he knew a crapload of innocent people would be murdered and yet did nothing, so I don't really consider him any better than the Costner character.

Usually I see movies by myself (and I don't understand the stigma against that), so I don't see that many films that I don't think I will enjoy. (Also, I enjoyed some films mentioned in this thread, especially Freddy Got Fingered, but that's the sort of comedy you either find funny or you don't, and, if you don't, the film has no other redeeming qualities.)

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 01/21/2004 04:39 AM EST

Worst movie? Mission to Mars.

Second worst was Battlefield Earth, followed closely by Wing Commander...but they were funny-terrible, while MtoM just blew huge chunks.

Chestnuts roasted by M-Dan @ 01/21/2004 04:43 AM EST

Any movie ever made starring Chevy Chase.

oh, and Lord of the Rings - The Cartoon was a pile of w**k too.

Chestnuts roasted by gabro @ 01/21/2004 06:33 AM EST

How has no one mentioned MEN IN BLACK II here??? (I actually did a search on the page to see if anyone had.) I paid $1 for it at the local cheapie theater and I felt more ripped off than the time some guy stole my car.

Honorable mention goes to any American Pie movie and Adventures in Dinosaur City.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 01/21/2004 07:00 AM EST

Godzilla.....OR as it's mroe commenly known...Let's see how the director from batman can fuck up another decent movie line....It had Matthew Broddrick.....WHY?!?!?!?My eyes....

Chestnuts roasted by Chris G @ 01/21/2004 07:56 AM EST

Without a Doubt "eXistenZ". That movie was complete and total ass, made worse by being "trapped" in a movie theatre with no escape from the horror on the screen.

Chestnuts roasted by RCH @ 01/21/2004 07:58 AM EST

It's a toss up between "Reign of Fire" and "28 Days". I'd probably have to go with "Reign of Fire" though b/c it wasn't just bad it was damn bad.

Chestnuts roasted by mutton72 @ 01/21/2004 08:09 AM EST

BIODOME!

Chestnuts roasted by jack @ 01/21/2004 08:15 AM EST

Heh. I call the American Godzilla "Tippy, the Wonder Iguana"

Chestnuts roasted by Aaron @ 01/21/2004 08:17 AM EST

The worst..movie..ever..goes to "Batman and Robin." It's the ONLY movie I've ever walked out on . I couldn't take it. The stupid jokes, the terrible acting, the horrible fight choreograpy. Shall I continue?? I guess that's what happens when a faggot makes a Batman movie!

Chestnuts roasted by SHANE! @ 01/21/2004 08:39 AM EST

Ooh...I forgot about MIB II. What a terrible letdown. Could have been a great sequel, but they had to go and ruin it. Sad.

And I like some of the movies on this list because they're SO bad, they're good. For example: Super Mario Bros. Movie. Classic case of marketing execs wanting to cash in on a name, but an interesting cultural take.

I also like the Matt Broderick Godzilla, specifically becasue it takes itself so seriously...It was almost satirical. I could enjoy it in the Theatre, but it isn't something that I would watch over and over on video.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 01/21/2004 08:44 AM EST

Batman & Robin is untouchable when it comes to bad movie awards.

Chestnuts roasted by Photoboy @ 01/21/2004 08:45 AM EST

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned "Coyote Ugly", "A Perfect Storm", "Scream 3" or "The Thirteenth Warrior" yet. I was (un)lucky enough to see all those in a freaking row within two weeks or so. I stopped watching new movies for a year. Seriously.

"CU" is just plain stupid, overacted piece of crap with a non-attractive shallow lead (supposedly a "guy" movie with beautiful chicks) and dialogue that's predictable line by line.

"Perfect Storm" fits well within the same criterias .. my favourite part was when the navy captain promised to sink the whole ship if needed, while a rescued helicoper pilot was screaming "Jonesyyyyyy ... nooo".

I eaven won't get into "Scream 3", the music always gave away first the false scare, and then the real one, and tehere were a total of about 1 of those moments in the film. Tediously boring othevise.

"13th warrior" was a stupid collage of a film with no direction, bad plot to begin with, bad acting, and so many loose ends that didn't make any sense.

oh, and the last Matrix sucked too. First movie I ever wanted a refund on. I didn't get one :(

Chestnuts roasted by PeZ @ 01/21/2004 08:48 AM EST

EASILY.......Down Periscope ft. Kelsey Grammer. Runner up has to be Gladiator.....

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/21/2004 10:03 AM EST

one hour photo - i wanted to walk out of this movie but i couldnt cause i didnt drive. why did this get such good reviews? it was a piece of shit!

Chestnuts roasted by Mikey @ 01/21/2004 10:31 AM EST

Ooooh, I totally *forgot* about Batman and Robin! A friend and I went to see it the first day it came out - we hadn't read any reviews and we liked Batman. You know how it goes, right?
Jesus.
We didn't even TALK to each other when we left the theatre. We were so fucking embarrassed. It was like walking in on all of our parents playing strip poker together. We didn't talk much after that.
I'M AFRAID MY CONDITION HAS LEFT ME COLD TO YOUR PLEAS OF MERCY.

Chestnuts roasted by Master H @ 01/21/2004 10:33 AM EST

phungsauce, i wanted to say gladiator! that movie was just awful. really... what is the big deal with russell crowe... can't stand that guy.

also:

phantoms, loved, loved loved the book. ben affleck & rose mcgowen ruined this book!

and:

a knights tale. i fell asleep and all. it was the first movie i had ever fallen asleep during. really so dull.

Chestnuts roasted by jessica_76 @ 01/21/2004 10:34 AM EST

Jeez, I'd forgotten about Batman & Robin. A friend and I saw that shortly after it opened. A few minutes in, we gave up any hope of taking it seriously, and tried to enjoy the cheesiness of it. It was still terrible.

I also remembered a few gems from my summer camp days. Once in a while, when it was raining really bad, they'd pile us into a bus and ship us off to a movie theater. That's all well and good, but their choice of movies was just plain bizarre, considering that we were all about 8 years old. One time it was Robocop 2. I'd never seen the original Robocop, and the second one just scared me. All I remember is some sort of gory operation scene. Another wonderful choice was some Star Trek movie. I don't remember which one, but there was a scene where the crew sat around a campfire eating beans. I wish I was joking about that. At the time, I thought it was the most boring movie ever.

Maybe the counselors just really hated us...

Chestnuts roasted by Scott M. @ 01/21/2004 10:45 AM EST

American Wedding...
Men in Black II...
Anaconda...
Super Mario Bros.
Ninja Turtles III...
A Pearl Harbor/Tomb Raider double feature...

One time I went to the movie "Alaska" because nobody would be there, and I would be able to make out with my middle school girlfriend. Good times, good times.

Chestnuts roasted by Brad @ 01/21/2004 10:48 AM EST

Steve Brandon, why did you have to wake repressed memories by talking about The Postman (NOT to be confused with Il Postino)...

You made me remember that I saw Waterworld in the theatres. I should have walked out at the beginning when he filtered his piss for drinking...As a nerd, I always wondered, if they could filter piss, why the HELL could they NOT filter the DAMNED SEA WATER?!? Both have salts, why not the freaking sea water, WHY?!! Damnit, it's not even 10, and I'm pissed off...

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/21/2004 10:49 AM EST

Sorry, I did not mean "Say Anything" was bad. I totally meant "Anything Else", the woody allen movie from the end of last year with jason biggs and christina ricci.

stupid, stupid me...

Chestnuts roasted by hammington @ 01/21/2004 10:54 AM EST

102 dalmations and battlefield earth

Chestnuts roasted by rascal15 @ 01/21/2004 11:24 AM EST

jeepers creepers 1 and 2....'nuff said

Chestnuts roasted by Scourge @ 01/21/2004 11:42 AM EST

Wow, I like a lot of crappy movies...Bill and Teds Bogus Journey...as previously stated, "Station!"...what else, Anaconda,even the Postman...even though what was Laurenz Tates' characters name...wasn't it Ford Lincoln Mercury or some stupid shee-ite? Hmmm, what else? Fell asleep during Star Wars episode 1, had to sit through Matrix 2 twice...and Nutty Professor 2, which isn't very funny the second time around...Hmmm, I liked In the Bedroom, hated What Women Want,Godzilla,MIB 2, oh all time worst movie in the theater...Queen of the Damned...

Chestnuts roasted by whitemale_98 @ 01/21/2004 11:48 AM EST

Wow. What was done to the King of the Monsters. As I have said, I grew up on old TV shows and afternoon movies (Cue "Love for Sale" from True Stories), and Godzilla was a staple, nay, a requirement of late night, afternoon, and whenever the UHF station had time to fill, movie viewings. Yours truly,and Little Brother, and his wife, had gone to see the all new freakin' iguana movie. On opening day, yet. At least we got some free crap and a coupon for Taco Bell. Toy Fare had a similar reaction in their pages, "Toho, why have you forsaken me?"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/21/2004 11:55 AM EST

After reading through these comments, I felt compelled to comment on the comments. sorry.

Autumn in new york - I saw this in the theater and was bored out of my mind. It was a compromise to an old girlfriend who I often dragged to movies I wanted to see. This movie was so predictable and cliched that I felt like the script writers said:
"Ok, we need a movie that girls will cry watching. What is sad?"
"Young women dying are sad!"
"Ok, run with that. We have a young woman dying, but wouldn;t that be more sad if she died right after she fell in love?"
"Oh that's good, I think Shakespeare did something like that"
Before I go off on a rant about the lack of chemistry and the fact that he CHEATED ON HER IN THE VERY BEGINING OF THE RELATIONSHIP!!!! I will move on.

I enjoyed Idle Hands. I guess I can understand why someone would not like it, but for me it was a wacky good time. I actually had a dream that I was in that movie (I guess I was playing Seth Green's character) and I was a zombie. David Bowie wasn't in it, but the chubby guy (the one who is not Seth) and I were throwing hedge clippers at each other. We did not mind if we got stabbed with them because we were, well, zombies. Then a pretty girl in a neglige came down the stairs and...well, moving on...

People didn't like Dazed and Confused? I thought that was a cool movie that reminded me of American Graffiti. I also saw it with a great crowd, which is probably also why I liked Bio-Dome.
Trampus - You didn't like The Matrix, the original Batman, or The Wedding Singer? We cannot be friends. 'Course that just means you won't get to watch me dancing around to the Safety Dance ala Pauly Shore style.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/21/2004 11:59 AM EST

Oh, I almost forgot...STATION!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Stiewalker @ 01/21/2004 12:00 PM EST

I watch a lot of movies, but the hands down worst was the animated flop "The Golden Laws", an anime based off some book by some best-seller. Problem was, the books were on Buddhism. I've got nothing against the religion, but to enjoy or UNDERSTAND the movie, you HAD to be a devout Buddhist. I heard the movie, when we went to see it, had just been shown in Japan a few weeks before, and it was already dubbed in English for the US tour. That's should have tipped me off. The ONLY good thing was the techno music and the animation. I hate Golden Lwas and I hope no one has to see that God is actually King Hermes and Lady Venus. Yes, I mean the Greek Gods.

I once went to a theater where the Star Wars Holiday Special was being shown, but luckily, I'd seen it already and dissuaded my friends from temorary blindness and bleeding ears and steered them to Rocky Horror Picture Show. Best thing I've ever done in MY life.

BTW, Matt #2 was it? I rather enjoyed the The Ring and find it a bit more scary than Ringu. Though the ghost Sadako was 10 times more scary than Samara because of the EYE. Check out tribute ghosts to the Ring ghosts in Fatal Frame 2 (Woman in Box), Mythical Detctive Loki Ragnarok (villain dresses up as Sadako), and Guilty Gear XX (fighter Zappa is possessed by parody of Sadako, called S-ko).

Chestnuts roasted by CardCaptor Loki @ 01/21/2004 12:17 PM EST

Waterworld. I watched it because it was the college's Saturday night free movie. I should have known something was up when there were only eight people there. The audience diminished very rapidly through the movie until only I was left. I stayed through the whole thing because I was too shell-shocked to leave. Man, that was just one awful movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Eddy @ 01/21/2004 12:24 PM EST

Anything by the director Alan Arkush is horrid. He makes Ed Wood look like Coppola. Arkush brought us such classics as Rock and Roll High School, Deathsport and Caddyshack 2. But nothing compares to Shake Rattle and Rock with Renee Zellwegger. I honestly don't know how she developed a career after this. Mind-blowingly awful awful movie.

Chestnuts roasted by ccuthill @ 01/21/2004 01:03 PM EST

Santa clause 2: Groan

Disney's Dinosaur: Double Groan

Pokemon the first movie: pokemon shouldn't be used to fight? The digimon movie had 1/10 of this joke's animation budget and still had a better payoff!

The Grinch:I can't believe this wasn't brought up yet!

Good boy: last time i let my siblings choose the movie

Chestnuts roasted by CheapTrick @ 01/21/2004 01:09 PM EST

Argh, now I have to put in my two cents! ^_^

"Small Soldiers" (Too violent for kids, too stupid for adults.)
"Nurse Betty" (What the hell was going on in this thing?)
"Scary Movie" (I dunno, maybe I'm not big on anatomical humor.)

Honorable mention to "Disney's Dinosaur" as my friends and I saw this at a dollar matinee that had, maybe, three other attendees. We had a ball MST-ing that disaster.
"Drink when you see a paleontological innacuracy!"

And review "Return to OZ" please!

Chestnuts roasted by LaGremlin @ 01/21/2004 01:41 PM EST

Darkness Falls

Chestnuts roasted by Slacker @ 01/21/2004 01:49 PM EST

The worst movie that I have seen in the theater would have to be "One Magic Christmas." I think Disney made it. It has to be one of the most bleak, boring, and depressing Christmas movies ever made. Poverty, Kidnapping, Death, Bank Robbery, Murder ... just a couple of words to describe this "holiday" movie. What was Disney thinking?

Chestnuts roasted by stat @ 01/21/2004 01:54 PM EST

#3 Oh man... not only did Johnny Mnemonic suck, but to make matters worse, I almost got shot coming out of the theater. Stupid Red-Neck Texans!

#2 Timecop was pretty horrible too, proving once again that no matter how good of a concept you have, if you hire Jean-Claude Van Damme, you're bound to make a shitty movie.

And finally...

#1 Punch Drunk Love. Ok, Billy Madison was funny, and Happy Gilmore was a classic, but Adam Sandler--you just aren't that great of an actor. And with the smallest, stupides set in a movie ever--and with Adam's whiney, nasal voice the whole time... it just made me want to tear the ears off of Roger Ebert for reccomending this tripe. I did, however, manage to bring my girlfriend, so about 25 minutes into the movie we found our way to the back of the theater and... well, let's just say You Oughta Know... but you don't.

Chestnuts roasted by Long Duck Dong Returns @ 01/21/2004 03:03 PM EST

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Those Austin Powers films are so overhyped and annoying. I wish people would stop saying "oh behave" or any of those other catchphrases.

I haven't seen the third one in the series, and from the first two I don't want to.

Chestnuts roasted by mjf7583 @ 01/21/2004 03:18 PM EST

Milo and Otis

I was around 3 and I wanted to leave...The sad thing is i usually like awful B movies, but this one is grade Z.

Chestnuts roasted by Jenna @ 01/21/2004 03:25 PM EST

I am a Christian and a Southern Baptist, so I feel a little bit of obligation to go see the stuff that they wheel-out in theaters just for me. Sadly, there isn't a lot to choose from when it comes to Christian Savoire' Faire. Worst ever... Hmmm...
Well, it's a tie between "Time Chasers", a movie about someone who travels forward in time 110 years from the 1890's or something, and then spends time wondering where God has gone. Special credit to Captain Steuben from the Love Boat for starring in this as "the wise old professor".

The other half of the tie goes to "Tribulation" starring Gary Busey, Margot Kidder, and Howie Mandell. Ok--I know Jesus will come back some day, but if you're in a coma when it happens... why wouldn't you get taken to heaven? And Hey--this Movie just sucks anyway so maybe it'd just be better if Busey woulda turned the gun on himself... and then joined everyone he loved in heaven--instead of seeking justice for whatever the heck happened to him.

*sigh* I am so frustrated with "Christian Themed" movies. I hope Mel Gibson's Passion lives up to the hype or I'm going to become Lutheran. Then at least I can drink until the movies are better.

Chestnuts roasted by Christian Concern Society @ 01/21/2004 03:35 PM EST

I can't believe I forgot about Scary Movie and Tomb Raider, both of which I paid good $$ to see. I'm actually watching Regina Hall from Scary Movies 1-3 on TV right now, and I think being in three movies that bad has sucked all of her IQ away. Seriously, she's like Jessica Simpson on quaaludes.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/21/2004 03:45 PM EST

I havne't bothered to look at the other comments because there are so many and i'm posting this at work so i don't have time to read them.

Anyway worst movie I have seen of my own free will at a theatre is Tomb Raider.

While working at a movie theatre i saw enough of Bring it on to scar me for life.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 01/21/2004 04:01 PM EST

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealers - my mother's friend sent my sister and myself to go watch this movie because she thought we'd like it. We were...so....BORED through this whole damned thing, and were waiting patiently for it to actually DO something interesting, and it never did. My sister fell asleep in the theatre.

Benji The Hunted - another one of those movies that my mother's friend sent us to. It was at this point that I realized she had some sort of secret and awful agenda against us.

feardotcom - my friends and I went to see this. There were the four of us, and a random couple in the theatre. That was it. That should of clued us in right there, but noooo, we stayed put. The only thing that made this movie tolerable was the fact that we started MST3King the thing. The couple joined us in shouting cracks at the screen. Then my friends decided that to make up for feardotcom, we should sneak into Blue Crush. Thank GOD they were talked out of that one - I had to sit through THAT waste of film on the longest airline flight of my LIFE.

Batman and...oh hell, any of the Schumacher atrocities, but Batman and Robin was the only one that had me shrieking in horror at the movie itself and flinging popcorn at the screen.

Chestnuts roasted by Aeire @ 01/21/2004 04:04 PM EST

Lake Placid by far the worst. Betty White was the movie's only saving grace and she didn't add much herself.

Other top contenders include For the Love of the Game, Me, Myself, and Irene, and Anger Management.

Chestnuts roasted by jms @ 01/21/2004 04:23 PM EST

What about George of the Jungle w/ brenden fraiser? Awful awful movie.

I bought One hour photo on Dvd without seeing it and now I can't even give it away. I can't understand how it got such good reviews. It was mind-numblingly boring. I wasted $15 bucks on it. I would have been better off seeing it in the theaters, then I would have only been out $5.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 01/21/2004 04:29 PM EST

I guess the only movie that Schumacher (thunderclap, horse whinnies) had any involvement in that is actually fun to watch is "Car Wash." I saw a portion of a press video when MST3K did a Oscar preview special that had Schumacher (thunderclap, horse whinnies) talking to Silverstone. EEEWWWW! It sounded like 12-year-olds at a slumber party! He had the nerve to express confusion at Bob Kane's questioning the nipples in the Bat-Suit. DAMN YOU, SCHUMACHER!!!! (THUNDERCLAP, HORSE WHINNIES)

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/21/2004 04:33 PM EST

Worst...Film...Ever...

has to be The Avengers. It was a movie that scarred my soul. I can normally suspend my disbelief fairly well and have enjoyed a great many movies that others find horrible, but The Avengers was my limit.

Chestnuts roasted by Umpqua @ 01/21/2004 04:48 PM EST

Dante's peak, ugh I just remembered that, simply the most horrible movie ever, even worse than the underground comedy movie.

even talking about it would make me remember the horror

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/21/2004 05:27 PM EST

Oh no, no, no. I was I, with the fourth or fifth overall post, that first mentioned Tomcats ;) Anyways, I agree about the Underground Comedy Movie.

My friend and I bought it on DVD a few weeks after Christmas this past year. I was really anticipating something great since the previews made this out to be the funniest thing of all time. Well, you see, my friend has an anger management problem. After losing a few games in Madden 2004 over the summer, he went out and smashed the controller off the road and then ran it over with his car. Well, right around the Homeless Beauty Queen part in Underground, he calmly took the DVD out of the Playstation and then stabbed it over and over again with a pocket knife. He then, you guessed it, took it outside and laid waste to it with his car.

Good times :)

Chestnuts roasted by NateAlbright @ 01/21/2004 05:39 PM EST

worst films...hmm..

--have seen dungeons and dragons-major brain anunerism
--most of the films w/ freddie prince jr. (boys and girls -- ex) -- they all have the same plot damnit! (execpt scooby doo -- but that film should be avoided by all means), in fact the majority of the teen flicks i have seen have been bad (peer pressure sucks)
--the newer version of "time machine" (i was extremely pumped to see this film and it completely blew chucks)

not all sandra bullock films are bad, she gets placed in bad films (ie: Speed 2 which i saw twenty times for some reason...)

Chestnuts roasted by happybunnydemon @ 01/21/2004 05:55 PM EST

You guys are all just in denial. Pauly Shore was awesome. As was the Mario movie. Love that thing. SO stupid, yet so awesome at the same time. I mean, did anyone REALLY expect them to do a direct translation of the game? Nah. This was just the silly Hollywood version, and, for what it's worth, it was okay. I guess. I had forgotten I'd seen that in theaters until now. So proud.

But still. Kart Racer. Terrible. Has anyone even heard of this movie besides me? Randy Quaid and some idiot kid in a heartfelt movie about go-kart racing. I wanted to die while watching it, but I was at a press screening, so I wasn't allowed to leave. *sigh* The soundtrack consists of the same song over and over, and the plot is ridiculously clichéd and stupid. I bet you can guess what it's about right now. Oh, and there's a completely inexplicable love story amongst 13 year olds. Stupid all-around.

Oh, and to be a little recent, if I may, my friend tells me The Butterfly Effect is pretty good. I don't believe him, because it's an Ashton Kutcher movie, but apparently it is. I think they light dogs on fire in it or something. Sounds weird. I guess Ethan Suplee must save the day and make it cool. I mean, the dude was in Boy Meets World. That's awesome. Hey, and wasn't Rider Strong in some movie about camping or something recently? I was sad that I never saw it.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/21/2004 07:01 PM EST

Man, I saw Masters of the Universe, Super Mario Bros., and all three Ninja Turtles films in the theatres and I loved them all...exept for Nina Turtles 3. That suffered from a severe case of "What the Fuck." I mean, the turtles go back in time, April goes back in time, but Casey Jones just looks like he went back in time but really didn't. You see, it's just a guy that looks like Casey Jones but is not Casey Jones, he's a thief that's imprisoned for stealing, I'm guessing, a Jose Canseco bat.

Anyways, the real worst movies that I paid to see in the theatres are: In the Army Now AND Jury Duty AND (worst of all) Little Giants...with Rick Moranis...and Ed O'Neill...and a kid who blows snot bubbles.

Chestnuts roasted by D-d-dave-some @ 01/21/2004 07:14 PM EST

Here's ya a stupid movie -

National Lampoon's Last Resort. The title is fitting as it was a straight to video movie for everyone's favorite dynamic duo - Corey Haim and Corey feldman. The story was wonderfully stupid and the props were awful - you have to see them under the ocean. ACK!!

Another National Lampoon's movie that horrible was Senior Trip. A fat kid farts and blows out the Hoover flame at Arlington. Why not JFK's flame? Because they didn't deserve to see it. Eh, well, at least the kid who ws the main guy in it went on to star in Dahmer, another stupid movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Planet Garp @ 01/21/2004 07:23 PM EST

Speaking of National Lampoon - I may be one of the few people who saw the recent film Dorm Daze. I wasn't it bad, but appearently it bad about $30,000 during its (very) brief run.

There are only two movies I've wanted to walk out of.

1990 Robin Williams' film Cadillac Man, I don't remember why it was so bad I know I hated it.

Batman and Robin also made we want to walk out (and take a staple gun to my genitals) but I stayed to the end. Melt the ice with satelliets? God, it still hurts.

I've also paid to see Battlefield Earth, Godzilla 2000, and Supernova.

Chestnuts roasted by Emperor_Zorak @ 01/21/2004 07:42 PM EST

On the line. N sync movie, enough said.

Chestnuts roasted by Ally @ 01/21/2004 08:03 PM EST

Oh, I forgot a few

Vegas Vacation was just terrible. I like Randy Quaid in Chirstmas Vacation, but they over used him. The only funny part was (as moronic as it is) was the Hoover Dam tour guide - "Welcome to the Dam tour, I'll be your Dam guide)

Mission to Mars could have been a classic sci-fi film, but it failed to deliver on all points (which was a shame considering the solid cast) the worst was the overly-partiotic music that blared through the entire film.

Dunegons and Dragons - The creator waited 20 years to make the movie, you'd think you could write a good script in that time but I guess not.

A.I. -This was infuriating, it wavered from horrible to fantastic about dozen time. Could have been so much more.

We Were Soilders - Pure propaganda. When American soilder gets shot, we get slow-mo with plenty of gore. The VietCong falls like rag dolls with narry a drop of blood.

Chestnuts roasted by Emperor_Zorak @ 01/21/2004 08:04 PM EST

I guess I have more to say after all.

First of all as many have said already Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey friggin rocks! They play Twister and Battleship with death. DEATH! The hilarity in that phrase I can’t even begin to explain.

Other movies I liked:
Batteries not included
Return to Oz
Karate Kid 3
Lost in Space
Wedding Singer

And for crying out loud Surf Ninjas. Whoever said that I can never talk to again. That is my favorite cheer me up movie.

Now for ones I hate as well
Star wars 2
What women want
Americas sweethearts
And MIB 2

Chestnuts roasted by Ally @ 01/21/2004 08:48 PM EST

Hey, I liked the Star Wars prequels.

*ducks*

Oh, and a friend of a friend of mine was the lead kid in Small Soldiers. Small world. No pun intended.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/21/2004 09:23 PM EST

Ahh, shit, I forgot "Batman and Robin," too. My youngest sister and I went to see that in the theater. We walked out and basically exchanged looks that screamed "What the HELL did we just see?"

I also wasn't impressed by "What Women Want," which I thought was just plain stupid, although I had enough sense to see that one by myself.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/21/2004 09:31 PM EST

Random Hearts.
The plot made no sense, and Harrison Ford got hit in head with a boom mic. While that was funny, it kinda took me out of the "magic."

Chestnuts roasted by James F.W. @ 01/21/2004 09:37 PM EST

GYPSY 83. saw it at the austin film festival over 2.5 years ago, still makes me want to vomit. overweight goth girl and gay goth boy screwing the amish and jocks in rest stop toilets on their way to a stevie nicks lookalike contest via roadtrip. dear lord i never asked to see breasts that saggy or a gay goth boy being penetrated by a football player for AT LEAST 5 MINUTES STRAIGHT. man. why. WHY.

STRANGELAND was also terrible. TERRIBLE. especially terrible as an especially awkward first date.

oh and THE ANNEVERSARY PARTY. what a waste of... everything. including an hour or two of my life that ended up feeling more like 5. THEY ALL SHOULD HAVE OVERHEATED AND DIED. WHO CARES IF THE DOG RAN AWAY!

Chestnuts roasted by v i t k u s ! @ 01/21/2004 10:18 PM EST

A Walk To Remember, totally.

I was staying with a girl I had every intention of boning, who INSISTED that we sat down and watched this insipid, bland, nauseating, agonising teen pap of an evening. EVERY day. Goddamn, the things I used to do for sex..

And she still didn't put out, either.

Chestnuts roasted by Camrath @ 01/22/2004 12:02 AM EST

Went and saw "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot" with my Grandma, Sylvester Stallone and one of the Golden Girls fighting crime, egad!

P.S.-Robocop 2 was a great sequel, the 3rd one was a total toned-down crap though!

Chestnuts roasted by Fr8train @ 01/22/2004 12:26 AM EST

"Batman & Robin"

Horrible. I actually fell asleep halfway through. (To date the only time I've ever fallen asleep in a theatre)

Chestnuts roasted by El Bandito @ 01/22/2004 12:33 AM EST

Waterworld springs to mind, as does Batman & Robin. Some of the most horrible moments I've spent in a theater were watching those flicks.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremiah @ 01/22/2004 02:02 AM EST

by the way its phunQsauce not phunGsauce.....hehe....anywho, i forgot to mention Anaconda and the HUGE pile of shit known as Free Willy.

P.S. I heard Free Willy DIED not too long ago. Hopefully the movie went with him/her

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/22/2004 02:03 AM EST

Oh yeah, I can also add Masters of the Universe and Garbage Pail Kids to that list. I think its a proven fact that anything with Dolph Lundgren sucks fat, sweaty donkey scrotum

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/22/2004 02:06 AM EST

Too easy. I saw Short Circuit 2 in theatres. No, not the good one with Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy. The awful one with Michael McKean. I never even saw the first one. I also remember this one because it was the first movie where I caught a dirty word. I was in awe then; now, I really wish that movie was Transformers: The Movie...

Chestnuts roasted by Tas @ 01/22/2004 02:58 AM EST

Holy HELL. I just got finished reading each and every last one of these comments. Shows how much of a life I have. Off the top of my head, in no particular order, here's my incomplete list:

Worst movies:
-Any Jurassic Park sequel
-Any Star Wars prequel
-Godzilla
-A.I.
-Small Soldiers(that one comment took the words right out of my mouth...I remember being the target audience at the time of its release, and it was way too damned violent)
-Blair Witch
-Spice World

Best Movies:
-Boondock Saints
-Forrest Gump
-What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

I know, I haven't added very much. But I've tried to stay away from bad movies. In the end, I'm left with this. Gah.

Also, if you want crappy movies, my local Wal-mart has a $5.88 bin for DVDs. I don't know how many other Wal-marts features this, but the worst of the worst can be dug out of there.

Chestnuts roasted by Omni @ 01/22/2004 03:20 AM EST

either A Perfect Storm, Armageddon, or Bicentennial Man

Chestnuts roasted by Chad @ 01/22/2004 03:20 AM EST

Jury Duty-had to sit through it at a drive ni to see Dumb and Dumber

Battlefield Earth-saw it 2 hours before my best friend...didn't get to warn him in time...some friend I am!

Distinguished Gentleman-Don't remember a single scene. Toatally unfunny. Just went to get up a chix shirt from high school.

Flinstones-Left with 45 mins left in the film! Rosey O'Donnell? Give me an f'n break!

I'm sure there's more, but I hope I've blocked them out....

Chestnuts roasted by faroniousd @ 01/22/2004 04:36 AM EST

In a theatre: Mercury Rising, they would have been better off with writers who were actually autistic, instead of a bunch of idiots who saw Rain Man ten years ago and considered that research (only saving grace was the theatre allowed smoking on the balcony which was a nice novelty).

Of All Time (or that i can think of now): Say It Isn't So, I've never seen a movie with so many dead jokes and just totally unfunny moments.

Chestnuts roasted by DukDuk @ 01/22/2004 06:16 AM EST

"any moving starring Chevy Chase"

are you insane? What about Caddyshack?

He used to be good.

Chestnuts roasted by Lacey Underalls @ 01/22/2004 06:39 AM EST

Recent worst film has to be Dreamcatcher. I saw it in Dublin and the Chinese guys answering their cellphones in the theater made more sense than this movie.

Oh and don't go see Anaconda 2. Trust me I know, I was in it.

Chestnuts roasted by Sepp Heckmann @ 01/22/2004 07:30 AM EST

How could you not like Milo and Otis? I loved that movie. I still get caught up in it if I happen to flip to it on TV.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/22/2004 08:36 AM EST

Just thought of a few more...

Demolition Man: okay to watch on cable or whatever, but seeing it in theaters was a terrible idea. Origami?

I saw No Holds Barred in the theaters, too. I was the right age, so I loved it. As you'll see in a review this month, it's still one of the worst movies ever made.

I'm going to give J-P III a pass, because if you're gonna see a movie about dinosaurs, it might as well be on the big screen. No matter how stupid it was.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/22/2004 08:41 AM EST

OK, I don't have time to read everything... And I'm kind of wondering if there's any one movie that everyone can agree either totally sucks or totally rules.

Anyway, it's all gonna come down to the fact that my opinion is the one that reigns supreme, so without further ado:

No Holds Barred: My dad took me to see this and was pretty pissed. He wanted to leave after 10 minutes, but I refused in hope that the Ultimate Warrior was gonna show up. I think I was actually testing the waters with how far I could push my dad though. He was a body builder and was buffer than Hogan anyway, so I think I felt a mental victory when I stayed in the theater. The movie sucked though.

Armageddon: fucking crusty shit-balls excuse for a movie. I think Bruce Willis is one of the most under-rated actors of our time. Even in his shit movies, he's actually pretty good. But I stand by the statement that there is not one redeeming factor about this movie.

Also, this is going back to the beginning of this thread, but Matt #2 is right on about the Ring. Chad is wrong. The original is better. The thing most people who try to compare them don't realize is that the Japanese version is a suspense movie, and the American version is a horror movie.

I could talk about this shit for hours.

Chestnuts roasted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/22/2004 08:44 AM EST

Matt, how did you respond to my thread 3 minutes before I posted it? That's fucking amazing. When I was a webmaster I couldn't do that.

I did a page search and nobody talked about No Holds Barred except for me... unless they spelled it wrong, but fuck that.

Chestnuts roasted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/22/2004 08:49 AM EST

I completely agree on that one -- Ringu stuck with me a hundred times more than the Ring. The "money scene" (seeing crazy girl's crazy face) was much better done in the original, too. Still, I did think "The Ring" was a much better 'American' horror movie than a lot of what we've been fed these past few years.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/22/2004 08:49 AM EST

Honorable Mentions:
Titanic--Overhyped, overrated piece of crap! Even though I haven't seen it, Leo Decapitated probably showed better acting in Critters 3.
Last Action Hero--UGH! My dad took me and my brother to see this. I guess because my bro was a fan of the governor of California at the time...(I wanted to see Jurassic Park.)
Forget Paris--stupid chick flick my friend forced me to see with her.
And now...the award for the absolutely worst movie I have seen in theaters goes to...(the mere mention of the name is enough to spin the Earth from its axis.)

Three Words: Drop. Dead. Fred.

(Don't say didn't warn you.:))

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragon @ 01/22/2004 09:46 AM EST

Drop Dead Fred. Score -- I saw that one too, and I don't care what anyone says. At the time, I thought it was absolutely terrible -- even with two of my faves females ever in it.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/22/2004 09:50 AM EST

SCHUMACHER!!
(THUNDERCLAP, HORSE WHINNIES)

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/22/2004 01:06 PM EST

Way of the Gun.

should have been called
Coca-Cola Presents some shitty movie because there were coke ads in EVERY SHOT.

worst movie ever.

I actually feel stupid for making fun of the guy with us who suggested Bring It On.

Chestnuts roasted by Selvig @ 01/22/2004 03:39 PM EST

I loved Way of the Gun.

Worst movie I ever saw in theaters was "The Lawnmower Man". I can't believe Stephen King lent his name to that piece of doo-doo. It had absolutely nothing to do with the brilliant short story he wrote of the same name. The worst part is I had to pay two extra dollars to this kid who was a Senior because I was only 16 years old and the theater wouldn't sell me a ticket for an R-Rated movie, so he said he'd go buy me the ticket if I gave him extra $. What a waste!

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 01/22/2004 05:37 PM EST

I'm going to be murdered for this, but I really didn't like the whole "Lord of the Rings" saga. Don't get me wrong, the movies were beautiful, but with a year between releases, I quickly forgot who most everyone was, and constantly had to lean over to whoever was next to me and say, a la Homer Simpson, "Who's that guy? ... What did that guy say when I said 'who's that guy?'" Truthfully, I only went to the first one because Enya had some music in it, and after that I was ready to leave. And the same goes for the new "Star Wars." Especially that second one, where the guy playing Anakin can't act. The only saving grace to that mivie was that the writers realized people hated that damned Jar Jar Binks thing.

And I agree with Rob; if I'd thought 3 hours would be THAT FRIGGING LONG, I would never have had that much Pepsi in the first half hour of the movie. And in the subsequent 2 1/2 hours.

Chestnuts roasted by Skeen @ 01/22/2004 07:24 PM EST

I forgot about Small Soldiers and this one movie starring martial artist kangaroos. That one hurt.

Chestnuts roasted by JG! @ 01/22/2004 09:33 PM EST

Father Of The Bride 1 and 2 were shit festivals. I hate Steve Martin movies ever since he started making these crappy, whiner Dad movies.

Chestnuts roasted by Planet Garp @ 01/22/2004 09:54 PM EST

I dredged up a repressed memory today - I went to see the first Brendan Fraiser "The Mummy" in theaters. I went for Fraiser and the Indiana Jones concept, and while it wasn't out-and-out hideous the way "Batman and Robin" was, I have no desire to see it again any time soon and avoided both the sequal and "The Scorpian King."

I was expecting a light, old-fasioned adventure and got the bloody (literally) Seven Plagues of Egypt. It's probably barely a bucket of gore for most of you. However, for someone who gets queasy at a paper cut, it was just too much, Brendan Fraiser or no Brendan Fraiser.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/22/2004 11:07 PM EST

Hell, I somehow forgot about No holds Barred! Saw it at a drive-in close to home when I was in grade school. Being a huge wrestling fan, and now wrestler, I was stoked about it! Now I can see just how retarded it was! Hogan never did improve as an actor either.

I agree with the overhyped Titanic comment also! You KNEW what the outcome would be. I have yet to see it again and will die a happy man knowing I only had to see it once.

Chestnuts roasted by faroniousd @ 01/23/2004 01:37 AM EST

I'd have to say one that nobody seems to have hit yet. I went to see Starship Troopers in theatres and it was like having a white-hot poker shoved up my nose.

I love my sci-fi dearly. But that tremendous monument to badness had absoloutely no payoff. Most of the beginning on Earth. All the snobby jerks (or in some cases, jerkettes) everyone was supposed to believe were crush-worthy just developed a movie-long insult to the main characters' feelings. Other than that, the action was rather predictable and bland.

Other bad movies I've seen: Nurse Betty, Congo, Titanic (the most recent DeCaprio version), and another movie where this guy is able to talk to his dad in the past over a short-wave transistor radio. I can't remember the title but the whole thing would have been better if they had taken the premise farther.

Magic lighning bolts indeed. I'm happy to absorb camp or suspend belief for the sake of space adventure but I say "no, way!" to mixing hardboiled drama plots with fanciful magic plot devices.

That's what daytime TV is for and I don't watch that as a general rule.

Chestnuts roasted by Tonnica @ 01/23/2004 04:24 AM EST

Frequency.

Chestnuts roasted by D-d-dave-some @ 01/23/2004 04:39 AM EST

Titanic: Took my then-girlfriend Katrina there, she loved it, I loved it because she loved it and she loved that stupid Celine Dion song so I loved that stupid Celine Dion song because she loved that Celine Dion song. ALL THAT CRAP AND I STILL DIDN'T GET LAID!

Batman and Robin: There are a thousand things I could say about this crapfest and most have been said already. I'll just say it didn't do anything to disprove the old joke of Bruce and Dick being gay in the ass with each other. Not even Ace and Gary were that homoerotic.

Battlefield Earth: Nuff said.

The Avengers: Ah, the movie that in one fell stroke destroyed Ralph Feinnes' career. Ah, Ralph, The English Patient made you a star, Schindler's List proved you were brilliant and then you did this. Putting a gun to your head would have been a subtler method of career suicide than agreeing to be in this one. Uma Thurman's career and her freaky-ass feet never exactly made a full recovery either. Sean Connery remained unaffected because he was firmly entrenched in the "I'll Do Anything For A Buck" phase of his career.

Armageddon: Ok, recap: An asteroid the size of Texas, you have about two weeks to save mankind. Why is it harder to train Astronauts to be Drillers than Drillers to be Astronauts? Furthermore, on an asteroid with its own gravitational pull and that would be a waste of a nuclear warhead to launch a missile at it, why dig only a mere 800 feet?

Yeah...that's realistic.

The Hulk: I thought Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was overrated anyway, but by and large I thought Ang Lee was a good director. I should have seen the writing on the wall when I read about the 'creative liberties' he took with the source material. Huge, huge disappointment.

Terminator 3: Poses the question...."Does a great ending negate the crappiness of the rest of the movie?"

End of Days: Ugh. Just...ugh.

Godzilla: I was willing to forgive Emmerich and Devlin for Independence Day, and while that was a slap in the face, Godzilla was a kick in the nads. This I cannot forgive.

Young Einstein: In the summer of '89, I was sneaking into this movie when I wasn't sneaking into Batman (which I saw about 5 times). Yes, I was a retard but I had good reason--I had the hots for the chick who played Marie Curie. However it was very informative. I didn't know Albert Einstein invented the atom bomb, the electric guitar, surfing, rock and roll, beer as we know it today and was a lanky Australian. That just like, blew my mind, man.

Still, the chick who played Marie Curie (I forget her name) was a hott-tay.

From Justin to Kelly: I like train wrecks, so I actually saw this one about a week after I saw The Hulk. It WORSE than I thought it would be. I'm glad they're not in any hurry to strike while the iron is cold with the inevitable "From Ruben to Clay" sequel.

Chestnuts roasted by Kev @ 01/23/2004 04:42 AM EST

Metal Storm: The Destruction of Jared Syn. I made my parents take me and my brother to go see it because it was in 3-D. My eyes burned at the end of the movie, and it wasn't from the glasses.

Chestnuts roasted by Captain Atari @ 01/23/2004 02:18 PM EST

Kev - That would be Odile Le Clezio. the hottie from Young Einstein. She really has not been in much since that movie. A pitty, really.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/23/2004 03:22 PM EST

Tonnica, Starship Troopers was on the other night on FX and I just couldn't stop watching it. That has to be the ultimate "terrible movie, can't believe I am watching it yet can't stop" movie ever for me! Or Empire Records. It's like they are so bad that the absurdity of it all really keeps my attention.

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 01/23/2004 05:25 PM EST

I dont go to the movies too often so when I do, I usually know it's going to be pretty good. But there were 2 I got sorta trapped into : "Mother" w/ Debbie Reynolds and "Batman & Robin". At least Mother was a free sneak preview, but still...what a waste. I went to batman and robin w/ my mom and little bro...I think they both fell asleep, and I was just stuck squirming in my seat.

Chestnuts roasted by !Cassie! @ 01/23/2004 05:27 PM EST

I was forced to sit through Roberto Benigni's Pinocchio. The horrible dubbing was gut wrenching. They used the most stereotypical Italian accents ever heard. There was just no way I could suspend disbelief to accept a grown man with a five o'clock shadow playing a little wooden boy. Worst movie EVER!

Chestnuts roasted by ziffo @ 01/23/2004 06:55 PM EST

DID ANYONE MENTION THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER MOVIES, ALL THREE OF THEM?????
(although I never personally saw them them in theatre).

Chestnuts roasted by two_peep_army @ 01/23/2004 07:55 PM EST

I've never wanted to walk out of a movie, but I have to say the three movies that seemed to be pretty bad in my book are the following.

1. Ace Ventura When Nature Calls (This movie left me wanting my money back and I didn't even pay to see it in the theatre.)

2. Tomb Raider (This movie couldn't be saved, no matter how many times Angelina Jolie bounced her titties on screen.)

3. Wild Wild West (Although I did manage to find it watchable on TV.)

Chestnuts roasted by Peckerwood in da hood! @ 01/23/2004 09:16 PM EST

I saw warriors of virtue. God that movie's stupid.

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy @ 01/23/2004 10:44 PM EST

Oh, for the love of Edison, Warriors of Virtue was Suck Beyond Suck, even if I did get a pack of trading cards when I went to see it. The only Virtue I learned is that if some girls receive a WonderBra halfway through a film, they will turn evil. Them Kangaroos were hit with a Fugly tree.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/24/2004 04:48 PM EST

Inspector Gadget*
Resident Evil*
Lost in Space**
Great Expectations (the one with Gwyneth Paltrow and Deniro)**
Godzilla*
* Indicates movies I slept through.
** Indicates movies that I would have slept through, but the seats weren't comfortable enough, so I walked out. These are the ONLY two films I have ever walked out of. They were that bad.

Chestnuts roasted by MyNameIsAlsoMatt @ 01/24/2004 05:52 PM EST

Not that anyone is still reading this thread, I'm sure, but Saving Silverman. And Any Given Sunday: I thought that expression about asses falling asleep was only an expression 'til I saw that stinker.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 01/24/2004 06:17 PM EST

Easy. "Monos the Hands of Fate." Not even the crew on the Sattelite of Love could save it as a MST3K.

It was like a violent cold to wach.

Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 01/25/2004 10:45 AM EST

Supernova...

I took my wife (then girlfriend) to it and quickly regretted it. The previews looked good, and there was quite the lapse of a good sci-fi movie.

When the alien started having sex with people in the zero-g room... we just shook our heads in disbelief.

Chestnuts roasted by Chiablo @ 01/25/2004 06:28 PM EST

Everyone I went to the Time Machine with fell asleep.

Chestnuts roasted by drezdn @ 01/25/2004 07:04 PM EST

How can you possibly not like Straship Troopers? It is literally my favorite film ever, the reason being: It's all tongue in cheek, like Robocop with the cheese turned up. I have a theory that this kicked off a series of intentional cheese fests, not the least of which was The Devil's Advocate. That film is so funny, especially because they didn't tell keanu that it was all a joke.

On a different note Underworld was like watching a thirteen year old goth girl's wet dreams.

Chestnuts roasted by DukDuk @ 01/27/2004 05:56 AM EST

Unbreakable = worst movie ever.

Chestnuts roasted by katya @ 01/27/2004 11:39 AM EST

Volcano

Never to young to Die

Chestnuts roasted by Dawn @ 01/27/2004 12:09 PM EST

Not that this is a contest or anything, but I think I've got everyone beat. Howard the Duck. In the theatre, no less. I will never get those 2+ hours back ever again.

Chestnuts roasted by hellzbellz @ 01/27/2004 03:24 PM EST

Ha, I saw Howard the Duck in theaters too. I thought it was awesome. Of course, I was 9 years old, but hey...

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 01/27/2004 07:02 PM EST

I stongly disagree with katya's entry. If you think Unbreakable the worst ever(I enjoyed it quite a bit), you haven't seen:
1. "House of the Dead"
2. "Feardotcom"
3. "The Postman"
4. "Waterworld"
5. "Batman and Robin"
6. "Beverly Hills Cop 3"
7. "Body of Evidence" (Madonna film I was thrown out of for heckling)
8. "Rocky V"
9. "Mchale's Navy"
10. "Michael"

And to those who put in any "Star Wars" film I'm sorry,I know the prequels aren't as good as the original 3, but they shouldn't be listed here.

Chestnuts roasted by skorch @ 01/28/2004 02:22 AM EST

Where to begin...

Battlefield Earth (wanted to walk out within 5 minutes)
Batman and Robin
The Beach (I tried to walk into another movie midway through...luckily, Danny Boyle rebounded with "28 Days Later"
City of Angels
Mighty Joe Young
The Hulk

I managed to sleep through Primary Colors and The Beautician and the Beast too.

P.S.: I liked Matrix Reloaded AND Revolutions.

Chestnuts roasted by Citizen Flynn @ 01/28/2004 02:19 PM EST

Aaarghh....I forgot about Waterworld...thanks for reminding me of that shitpile, I thought it was permanently erased from my brain. Damn you, Costner, damn you all to hell.

Chestnuts roasted by hellzbellz @ 01/28/2004 03:26 PM EST

Oh my, someone remembered my performance? Why that's grand. I believe that Young Einstein was the wrong career choice at the time. My room mate, Julia Ormond, warned me about that, but alas, after Smilla's Sense of Snow, she and I are once again room mates in Tucumcary.

What has the world come to?

Chestnuts roasted by Odile Le Clezio @ 01/28/2004 03:36 PM EST

Some notes to the above comments:

Stephen King sued over having his name attached to the Lawnmover Man. Some filmmakers went off and took the rights to his short story, and made something completely different out of it. It was so different, that King says he sued (and he won, by the way) over the fact that it had nothing to do with his work. Only thing the film has in common with the story is a guy who mows lawns.

Also, you should know that about 30 cats died during the making of Milo and Otis -- particularly during reshoots when the cat get thrown over the cliff, I think. They made it in Japan where there were no laws against cruelty to animals while filming. AFAIK, those logos you see at the end of films these days from the ASPCA (?) are *because* of the carnage on Milo and Otis.

That all said, worst films I've seen that I can remember:

Super Mario Bros.
Anaconda (thank God I didn't pay for it)
The 13th Floor (Matrix knock-off)
Vanilla Sky
Any film by Dwayne Esper

But the worst film of all time is something you guys probably haven't heard of. I was in film studies and they showed us this fucked-up film called The Chronicles of Anna Magdalene Bach, or some such thing. Marxist German film from 1967. Here's the movie: The filmmakers (some husband-wife team) show you a bunch of quick random shots of trees and church steeples, then a few shots of a woman playing with her babies. This is then followed by long single-takes of J.S. Bach playing his music on a harpsicord WITH HIS BACK TO THE CAMERA for 11 solid minutes. Repeat process again and again until movie simply ends or film breaks. Whatever happens first.

Needless to say, I was one of the only people left in the screening room when it ended. I was such a nerd when I was younger. That's 90 minutes I'll never get back.

Chestnuts roasted by Punk Rock Poet @ 01/28/2004 07:47 PM EST

The worst movie I've ever seen in a theater would have to be a tie between the pointless Texas Chainsaw-Editing Massacre and The League of Extremely Over-rated Gentlemen. I've seen and enjoyed the entire original series of Texas Chainsaw films, well, I liked the first two anyway; I think we can all agree that Leatherface and The Next Generation are barely salvagable crap.
That new piece of shit waste of celluloid though, was a different beast entirely! It wasn't even a remake of the film it claimed to be; the plot was far more similar to Leatherface and so many of the scenes seemed to ape on the popularity of the vastly superior Freddy Vs Jason, during which I almost literally wept for joy.
As for League, I won't get into my full rant on it, as I'm sure Matt would appreciate me not taking up all the space here, but I had SEVERAL complaints. If the film had been completely different in nearly ever way other than most of the characters' names, it may have been a decent effort, but as it stands, Steven Norrington has shat upon the ever-growing pile of celluloid dreck that's been made from Alan Moore's visionary comic books and classic literature. Mina's not a fucking vampire at the end of Dracula, Steve! Captain Nemo's ship is the Nautilus, not this 'Sword of the Ocean' bullshit. Tom Sawyer is a fucking idiot and has no business with the team, and neither does Dorian Grey. Goddammit, I could just keep going on and on and on, and it would be quite some time before I ran out of things to bitch about where this wretched mass of celluloid excrement is concerned.
The worst movie I've ever seen is probably Skydivers, and even though it was the MST3K version, I was so bored I had to turn it off before my brain turned to gelatinous goo and spilled out through my ears. Oh, and DareDevil is the second worst of the new crop of comic book movies, edging out the new Catwoman only because it's not out yet. God, I hate Halle Berry!

Chestnuts roasted by Princess Wuffles @ 01/28/2004 11:49 PM EST

schumacher! (thunderclap, horse whinnies)

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/29/2004 12:04 PM EST

Sinbad: The Legend of the Seven Seas, or whatever

Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 01/29/2004 08:39 PM EST

Oh man.

I saw Titanic FIVE TIMES in theatres. I hated it EVERY SINGLE TIME. by the fifth time, I was cackling whenver someone died.

One Hour Photo was just boring. Nothing happened. That was supposed to be scary?

Nobody's mentioned this yet... I absolutely LOATHED As Good As It Gets. UGH. Made me hate Jack Nicholson. I honestly came out of that movie ANGRY at the fact that it was so bad.

The worst movie I've seen outside of theatres was the Smurfs movie (on beta). What a travesty. Terrible voiceacting, awful animation, and there were 15 minute refrains of just flute music while someone skipped across a screen. what. the. hell.

Chestnuts roasted by Zephyrus @ 01/30/2004 12:16 AM EST

ok the worst movie ever is a tie between the cook the theif is wife and her lover or opperation dumbo drop also coming in at a close second win a date with tad hammiliton thank god i didnt pay to see that one

Chestnuts roasted by Twinkie @ 01/30/2004 01:27 AM EST

To this day, the worst movie I've ever seen is Weekend at Bernies II. It's the one where they use Voodoo to make Bernie into a zombie. Yes, he's still dead.

I don't know what happens in the end, because after 1/2 hour of this drek I left the theater. And I saw it at the 2nd run cheapie theater too. It wasn't even worth $1. AWFUL!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt from Cleveland @ 01/30/2004 04:12 AM EST

Speed

Buses don't jump gaps in the highway. When the pavement ended, so did this movie!

Chestnuts roasted by toast @ 01/30/2004 06:53 AM EST

Okay, this thread is officially dead I'm sure, but I'm stunned that no one mentioned thae horrible remake of The Haunting. I sat and sat and sat, waiting for the scary, and then the end credits rolled.

My official runner-up is Solaris. I'm sure it would make more sense had I read the book, but I don't remember the previews telling us that Cliff Notes were required.

Chestnuts roasted by LemonWitch @ 01/31/2004 01:20 AM EST

"Worst" is not quantifyable. Every cinimatic experience is different and has different qualities for different reasons.

However, I think that Battlefield Earth was the worst cinimatic exposition I viewed, though I had fun with it, as me and my friend had an effectivly private screening of the movie.

Leverage. BWWAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAaahaaaaa!
Classic B-grade goodness, only dominated by Neil Young's Human Highway. I'd LOVE to see and hear that one in a theatre.

Chestnuts roasted by Orgg @ 01/31/2004 02:23 AM EST

If we're talking strictly in a theatre, I'd have to go with Total Recall. My girlfriend and I were on vacation in Michigan and bored out of our skulls one night; we wandered to the closest megaplex and saw it. Being a HUGE Arnie fan, I was dying to see it. We made it through to the end, but barely. Michael Ironside was the best thing about it, which is pretty fucking scary when you really think on that.

Luckily, Arnie redeemed himself the next year with T2, then with True Lies...then blew it all to hell a few years later with Last Action Hero. Sigh. How the the Schwarzenneger of those two movies and Predator be the same guy who could be in a movie with a 'Magic Ticket' or a girl with three boobs?

And now he's Governor. Go figure.

Chestnuts roasted by Ninj @ 01/31/2004 11:09 PM EST

A.I. has to be one of the worst movies I have ever been to. The movie just dragged on, and on, and was just a totally mind-numbing experience. I was also on a bad date the night I saw this film, so maybe that had a part in me not liking this film.

Chestnuts roasted by Guitarmageddon @ 02/02/2004 03:45 AM EST

No movie can ever match the horror of Slap Shot II, even if it did star Gary Busey.

Chestnuts roasted by derpigg @ 02/02/2004 11:55 PM EST

I just thought of another one:

SIMON BIRCH

I had to take my cousin to see this one. I laughed so hard when the chick died from being beaned by a baseball that I allmost got us kicked out.

Chestnuts roasted by derpigg @ 02/03/2004 12:09 AM EST

The worst movie I've ever seen in theaters would have to be...that fucked up piece of shit that had those Rugrats and the Wild Thornberrys. Going to see that movie with my two 5 year old cousins was the worst experience in my life. There were these two really hot chicks standing in line next to me when I ordered our tickets. If that wasnt bad enough, I fell asleep right in the middle of one song (yes, it was a musical) and woke up to a 5 year old laughing hysterically and shoving a lollipop in my ear. After that I held the two kids by the collars and dragged them out into the parking lot and forced my mom to come pick us up. The bottom line is, the fuckin movie sucked and so does my life and family.

Chestnuts roasted by grim reaper @ 03/02/2004 03:41 PM EST

Worst Movies I've seen on the big screen?

Sorry, I had to list ten! I couldn't break down the list that far.

1. Marci X - what the? Lisa Kudrow rapping on stage? I'd rather scalp myself then sit through this again.

2. The Insider - F**k the critics - this movie was the most tedious, ulcer-inducing piece of celluloid I've ever seen. Russell Crowe succeeds at boring us to death with his middle-aged fat ass overweight caricature. To be watched after swallowing poison, to speed the process.

3. Dumb & Dumberer - Nasty. My God, that was a piece of crap! Excuse me whilst I bang my head against the side of a bus twelve times now.

4. Velvet Goldmine - Whoa man, it's the underworld of glam music. How cool.. let's do drugs, let's get with each other & then fool around with people of the same sex, let's party all night, let's jerk off to revolting alice cooper/david bowie lookalike popstar clippings, on second thoughts, let's forget about a plot, let's get Toni Collette to grow her underarm hair for the role! On second though, let's slowly gouge out the innards of our wrists with a plastic knife. It's less painful and more meaningful than this drivel.

5. Fear dot com - This website can kill people, y'know dude. It's up to has-been Stephen Dorff to save the day. Leave your brain at the door and any expectations of this being an actual movie. It's a lamb turd. Terrible.

6. Leonard Part 6 - Ergh. And I used to think Ghost Dad was Bill Cosby's worst movie.

7. Look Who's Talking Too - Is that a fetus inside a uterus talking about choking on placenta? My god it is! Something else in this movie is scarier than Kirstie Alley after all.

8. Rollerball (remake) - Chris Klein, you can't act. Everyone else involved - you just worked on a shitty movie. You stupid dicks are never gonna live this down.

9. The Wizard- My God. An extended Nintendo commercial about kids who like, yep, Nintendo, running a long long way away for a yep, Nintendo contest. If this was real life - these pre-teen kids would have been molested and left for dead before getting out of their home towns. Memorable only for: the glove, Christian Slater and the mongy looking freak girl in the Nintendo contest.

10. The Real Cancun - Spring Break was better portrayed in an episode of CSI: Miami. The first ever reality movie! Face reality, this is one crap movie!

Oh and one more, This is a video-movie I've seen which I *have* to mention:

1. Click the Calendar Girl Killer - Nasty direct-to-video horror flick from the early 90s. Sat on the shelf for several years - watch as the transvestite murderer stalks a group of ugly flat chested models at a closed ranch where they pose with chainsaws, bad wigs and fake tanned skin. It's not scary, the killer is puny, the chicks are skanky and the leading man is a dickweed. The music is terrible.

Chestnuts roasted by Brando @ 06/14/2004 03:08 AM EST

Dungeons and Dragons. The entire budget went into the final battle scene and they had to let an intern write the script.

Battlefield Earth is in second, but at least it was funny.

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