12/08/2003 Entry: ""A Family Circus Christmas" & The Great X-Mas Beer Adventure."

Ahhh, made it just in time. Here's my review of A Family Circus Christmas, the 1979 holiday special where Jeffy persaudes Santa Claus into delivering his dead grandfather for Christmas morning. Some of you have probably seen it, though it's by no means one of the more famous X-Massy toons. It's really not too much like the strip, which might not be a bad thing depending on your point of view. I've included four video clips with the review, so go. The calendar will be updated in a few hours.

As anyone who lives remotely close to where I do knows, parts of the East Coast were hit with a pretty massive snowstorm over the weekend. Big nasty one with lots of ice and walks that needed shoveling. Just as the storm was peaking, I realized that I was looking at my last chance to hit the stores before my car was inhaled by snowy terror.

So, we jetted to the grocery store and picked up this 18-pack of Michelob's "Ales and Lagers," pretty much the closest thing to Christmas Beer I could find. From there on out, we were stuck home with nothing but an 18-pack for around 30 hours.

There were six different kinds of wintery beer in the box; with nothing else to do, we used one of each as the tasty backdrop for six different Christmas activities. I'll tell you about the first one a little bit later. It involves beer bottle rolling pins.

Chestnuts roasted by Cuddles @ 12/09/2003 12:06 AM EST

So that "not me" ghost that kept dashing by on the side of the screen and it freaked me out cause i didnt know if i was just seeing things. Its finals week and all ive done today is stare at the computer typing.

Chestnuts roasted by allicat @ 12/09/2003 12:31 AM EST

I think matt put the not me ghost in there so we wouldn't fall asleep reading the review. Man that special is so boring even the review would have knocked me out, if it weren't for not me.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 12/09/2003 12:54 AM EST

You have to love the generic fire truck the kid got for a gift. When I was a kid it never made sense to watch the XMas shows and see Santa making the toys and s***. Then on XMas morning the gifts would all be from the store. Granted, my sister, brother and I would not have wanted anything less but still. And Santa never signed his name to any of the gift tags. My folks said Santa's wrist probably got tired from too much writing.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 12/09/2003 01:19 AM EST

This reminds me of the time Matt's muffler fell off, and an old man was looking at him.

Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 12/09/2003 01:19 AM EST

that case of beer looks strangely appealing to me, yet I don't drink, and don't like beer. @_@

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 12/09/2003 02:38 AM EST

Man would I put it to Jeffy's Mom. That is one tall drink of water.

An 18 pack for a blizzard? That is such a gross miscalculation. I assume you were mainlining the beer since an 18 pack couldn't get a few middle schoolers buzzed. And I bet you walked in so impressed with yourself like you just rotated rizz's tires or something.

Chestnuts roasted by I'm not rizz @ 12/09/2003 02:41 AM EST

Hey, I'm not gonna buy more than an 18-pack of overpriced Christmas beer.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 12/09/2003 02:45 AM EST

I just noticed that Family Circus characters look sort of like Playmobil figures with wide heads. Maybe this somehow ties in to the Mare Winningham conspiracy. Watch your backs, people.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 12/09/2003 02:51 AM EST

Oh, this is SWEET. No sooner did I finally not find one of the nonexistent Dysfunctional Family Circus archives, then this arrives, like a sequel in it own respect.
Man, makes me want to find my own copy, so I can redub it into a DFC Christmas special, that won't really exist either...

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 12/09/2003 07:16 AM EST

the ghost scared me!

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 12/09/2003 09:43 AM EST

Holy shit! Damnit, Not Me. Well, I don't need coffee this morning anymore.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 12/09/2003 09:53 AM EST

I didn't drop the s-bomb. That was not me.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 12/09/2003 09:54 AM EST

Wow! The Family Circus special, certainly gave me that refresher I needed for my study break. I can also apply Jeffy's problems to my abnormal psychology final. This kid needs major therapy. Not only is he schizophrenic, but also suffers from illusions of grandeur and bouts of mania. Not to mention how bipolar Dad seems.

Also I was watching some of the clips...the music sounds like its from a porn. Seriously, close your eyes and listen to the soundtrack from the clip with Jeffy on Santa's lap...its a porn track I swear.

Anyways, this all just makes me glad that I'm Jewish.

Chestnuts roasted by zacwax @ 12/09/2003 10:43 AM EST

No offense, but some of the voices sounded similar to those of the Peanuts specials. I'll have to look that up later on. I must admit that the music played in the background where the mall Santa appears made me laugh more than the corniness of the special. Great work!

Chestnuts roasted by mjf7583 @ 12/09/2003 11:03 AM EST

I also don't drink, so instead of consuming overpriced beer during the worst of the storm, I decorated my Christmas tree by flashlight. Ok, I really just put the candy canes on, but you can't have a Christmas tree without candy canes, even in the dark. Just isn't done. I never eat the darn things after the holidays and last year they melted made a big, sticky mess on my kitchen table, but it still didn't seem right to neglect them. Even with no snow, I somehow managed to lose power for at least two hours (it was off when I got home from work). I've never been so thankful for having a gas stove and heater, instead of all electricity.

As for the special, I do occasionally read "Family Circus" but am no great fan, and this bit of schzophrenia isn't going to change my reading habits. It has a problem similar to many Christmas specials - ie, it's just too darn heavy and sentimental for what's supposed to be a light holiday tale. Not that I'm not all for sentiment, especially during the holidays (I watch "It's a Wonderful Life" every Christmas Eve), but the story line is taken far too seriously here. What it needs is someone like Grandma from "Garfield's Christmas Special" or Yukon Cornelius from "Rudolph" to ad a bit of vinegar to the overwhelming sugar.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 12/09/2003 11:24 AM EST

Man, that explains it all. The tree star totally looked like one of those masonic stars you see on the back of cars. Maybe daddy was sad cause he had to kill grandpa in a masonic sacrifice?!?!

Chestnuts roasted by Jughead @ 12/09/2003 11:32 AM EST

That "Not me" ghost idea was brilliant.

Chestnuts roasted by RUSKULL @ 12/09/2003 11:56 AM EST

Okay, I'll bite ... HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT "NOT ME" GHOST RUNNING AROUND? It's freaking me out.

Chestnuts roasted by Al Boondy @ 12/09/2003 01:00 PM EST

Not Me.... Holy Norns on a stick....I thought I was on drugs....X_X

BTW, Matt, you need to change the color of your font on this review and any other one where you had BLACK font on DARK background. I had to highlight the whole article to read it. No one should have to work to read X-E articles.... Please think of the college students who, as allicat said, have to stare at nothing but computer screens all day for finals~~!! *weeps uncontrollably*

Chestnuts roasted by CardCaptor Loki @ 12/09/2003 01:57 PM EST

The font is set to white and shows up on my comp that way -- are you using IE or a different browser? I'm sure it's just a matter of adding a "#" here or there...browsers sometimes use slightly different shit. (if you can remember any others that had this prob, I'll fix those too)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 12/09/2003 01:59 PM EST

"Family Circus" is one of the unfunniest comic strips we have here. And doesn't it slightly disturb the family to know their dead grandfather is watching them from the grave? Creeepy. Matt, you should review the Easter special next spring.

Chestnuts roasted by icymatt @ 12/09/2003 02:04 PM EST

The Family Circus dad kinda looks like Peter Griffin from Family Guy after Slim Fast.

Chestnuts roasted by Luap @ 12/09/2003 02:22 PM EST

For Pete's sake (whoever the hell pete is)

Someone else tell me they saw the little white man running around on the side of the screen...
He only pops up occationally, but I'm kinda worried I'm hallucinating.

Chestnuts roasted by Leah @ 12/09/2003 04:11 PM EST

A funny article, Matt. I was ROFLMAO at your comments on the Family Circus special. I also know they did an Easter special too with PJ (the baby) angry that he couldn't find any Easter eggs during the family Easter egg hunt. God, I see his future involving an AR-15, a high school, and a whole lot of angry yelling.

I see that I'm not alone in noticed the mother's big knockers. Actually, come to think of it, in the specials and comics, I always did think she was pretty hot.

Chestnuts roasted by Bert Raccoon @ 12/09/2003 04:31 PM EST

That's weird, the 1st half is in white for me (i'm using Safari 1.0.1, go Mac!), but after the advert, I need to highlight.

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 12/09/2003 04:59 PM EST

in my town we got hit hard with the snow storm also. we got over a foot of snow.great article.

Chestnuts roasted by Romo @ 12/09/2003 05:04 PM EST

According to IMDB, there's a Valentine's Day special as well.

I've always hated the strip, and I saw this special on Disney Channel a few years back and felt no differently. It was too damn depressing, and it shouldn't have focused on just one kid.

Also, looking at the clips: That's some REALLY crappy animation.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 12/09/2003 05:30 PM EST

I ignored "Not Me" 'cuz I thought is was just a dull flash-based ad for AOL that's just the little yellow guy running across underneath some meaningless words.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 12/09/2003 05:58 PM EST

"Not me" ghost?

Why?

I had to copy the screen and throw it into paint to make sure I wasn't insane. I should always remember to read the blog first.

Chestnuts roasted by Kate @ 12/09/2003 06:01 PM EST

Omg!! I thought I was freaking out...yikes.

Chestnuts roasted by Whitney @ 12/09/2003 06:08 PM EST

Geez... I hope no one dropped before they read the page.

I seriously agree with people: that Not Me thing was freakin' me out, man.

More freaky than that 'Eggheads' book Bil Keane put out.

Chestnuts roasted by AlphaCentaurian @ 12/09/2003 06:27 PM EST

Who polished off the whole case of holiday beer?
Not me... :(

Chestnuts roasted by Aconite @ 12/09/2003 07:03 PM EST

That "Not Me" ghost was very weird!! I thought I was seeing a reflection and kept reading...then all of a sudden I saw it again and had to stop reading for it to appear again... It's timed very strangely. Oh and the second link that says "GO" doesn't work on the blog entry up there. You forgot the c in .com

Chestnuts roasted by dethstryke @ 12/09/2003 07:49 PM EST

i can't see the text in the family circus review

Chestnuts roasted by gjgj @ 12/09/2003 07:58 PM EST

Oooh. And festive holiday glasses, as well as an 18-pack? You must be truly blessed.

And semi-randomly, I think you left out the c in .com for the "go" link.

Chestnuts roasted by Celandine Midori @ 12/09/2003 08:11 PM EST

Why was the dog named Barfy? Digestive tract problems?

Chestnuts roasted by Garrison @ 12/09/2003 10:01 PM EST

I think you deserve every single one of those beers after putting yourself through this for our sake. Hey, it's kind of like a Christmas special right there! Man watches bad show so we don't have to, then is born again through beer.

As a sidenote, the text is showing up fine for me, white font on dark background - with a Mozilla Firebird CVS (20031206) build in Linux (Debian Unstable). It renders the same for me with konqueror 3.1.3 as well.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe999 @ 12/09/2003 10:05 PM EST

The drawing of the father reminds me of Tom Bosley's character on "Wait 'Til Your Father Gets Home"

What company did this special? It doesn't quite have a Hanna-Barbara look to it.

Wasn't there a cartoon version of "For Better or For Worst" in the mid 80s?

Chestnuts roasted by Garrison @ 12/09/2003 10:14 PM EST

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who held an inordinate amount of fascination for those addictive Sunday Family Circuses with Billy's trail on them.
Those were almost sorta cool. Either that or I was just either completely insane or bored beyond belief as a child. Probably both.

Great article!

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosKitty @ 12/09/2003 11:13 PM EST

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who held an inordinate amount of fascination for those addictive Sunday Family Circuses with Billy's trail on them.
Those were almost sorta cool. Either that or I was just either completely insane or bored beyond belief as a child. Probably both.

Great article!

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosKitty @ 12/09/2003 11:15 PM EST

That dad looks like a young Hank Hill!!!

Chestnuts roasted by BudweiserJason8 @ 12/09/2003 11:27 PM EST

That was a funny review Matt, but I remember watching that special and it really wasn't all bad. It was kind of touching in its own way.

Chestnuts roasted by Ociredor @ 12/09/2003 11:31 PM EST

You beat me to the "Hank Hill" view. The Family Circus is one of the only comics I ever skip over, right along with "Rex Morgan M.D.".

Chestnuts roasted by BulletRiddled @ 12/10/2003 12:18 AM EST

hehe great review matt! I always watched this as a kid, and also the Easter special...come to think of it now if i watched them i'd probably loathe my mom for making me waste my childhood watching them!

Chestnuts roasted by Katie @ 12/10/2003 01:54 AM EST

It was mentioned earlier that there is a valentines day special. I've seen it. There is also an easter special.I've also seen the christmas special. I really liked this special when was young but now I'd probably hate it.

Chestnuts roasted by keegan B @ 12/10/2003 10:37 AM EST

who in their right mind would make a cartoon about Jeffy and "Not Me?"

IDA KNOW!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh man.

Chestnuts roasted by Spoon @ 12/10/2003 12:01 PM EST

Ah, but you forgot to mention that freaky theme song that went: "The dreeeeeee-merrrrrr / will have his daaaaaaaaaaaaaay! / They will SUUUUUUUUR-PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!"

Holy McIntyre, this special was messed up.

Chestnuts roasted by LaGremlin @ 12/10/2003 01:18 PM EST

I had to save the background and open it in Animation Shop to figure out what was going on.

About the star--that's not quite a Masonic star, the star of the Order Of The Eastern Star. Which may or may not be related to the Masons. I've never been able to figure any of that out.

Chestnuts roasted by fangirlx @ 12/10/2003 01:49 PM EST

Why not show some love for "Ida Know" and "Nobody"? "Not me" has always been the Diana Ross-like diva of the three, and Ida Know and Nobody are just shoved into the background...it's just not right

Chestnuts roasted by salaciouscrum @ 12/10/2003 07:39 PM EST

that bit about the lamp... that got me. Just when I think I've hardened to your offbeat style of sarcastic reviewership... you hit me with that Lamp business.
Wasn't plugged in... hehehe.

Chestnuts roasted by gregslagel @ 12/10/2003 07:58 PM EST

A very clever use of the "not me" ghost running through the margin. This very refined kind of detail shows that you really take this crap to heart! Kudos to you.

Chestnuts roasted by a JACKASS @ 12/10/2003 09:07 PM EST

A few things,
1. though I noticed the ghost, what is he from, originally?
2. my thinking is that this special doesn't run because parents groups believe kids will believe that it's okay to get re-animated corpses of loved ones for Christmas . . . or at least expect them. Not that there's anything wrong with that. "Bart, even if scientists could re-animate the Three Stooges, what makes you think they'd want to hang out with you?" "Yeah, I'd guess they'd want to hang out with their family, huh?"
3. I remember only one funny Family Circus comic. They're at Disneyland and there's a montage of images of Frontierland, Fantasyland, Tomorrowland, etc. Then one of the boys says, "I need to go to Pottyland." Awful sense of humor, but when you're 8, that's freakin' brilliant.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 12/10/2003 11:00 PM EST

Went to Borders today; ambling about the children's section, I discovered Family Circus-themed FOREIGN LANGUAGE CASSETTES.
Yes, with the help of those three adorable moppets and their egomaniacal, bacon-haired brother, you can learn Spanish! French! German! Portuguese! Japanese! Hebrew! And I'm sure there's more I forgot, there were like a dozen listed on the back of the package!

Wish I'd had the money to buy that. Anyone out there with the money to buy one of these... do it. Sacrifice your dough and let us know if it was good. We'd appreciate it.

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 12/11/2003 08:23 AM EST

...I remember seeing this on TV before.

I thought it was a bad dream.

I quickly forgot about it when "Year Without A Santa Claus" came on after it.

Snow Miser fixes EVERYTHING.

...speaking of which...Matt, how about a review of "Year Without A Santa Claus"? I'd like your take on it.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris Waters @ 12/11/2003 01:07 PM EST

I <3 Mystery Boy.

Chestnuts roasted by Mare "death to the snowman" Winningham @ 12/11/2003 02:00 PM EST

I saw some "for better or for worse cartoons" a few years ago on cable. I thought I was totally hallucinating from a fever or something. But it was real!! I wonder how I never saw that stuff when it first aired?

Chestnuts roasted by sdfvav @ 12/11/2003 04:45 PM EST

Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that Jeffy asks the mall Santa for a ROCKET LAUNCHER in addition to bringing dead grandad back from the grave?

Chestnuts roasted by EmperorBinky @ 12/11/2003 05:14 PM EST

Oh man, that "Not Me" had me thinking I was insane...why was that little guy put on the reveiw? I never got to get a good look at him...
Good work Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by KTK @ 12/11/2003 07:14 PM EST

Hey thanx Top1214! I too use Safari and am a Mac user, so maybe that's our problem. Sorry Matt, didn't know it was a Mac problem. Its not so bad to get around; I just highlight the font and read it that way. Thanx for giving us a heads up tho! ^_^

Chestnuts roasted by CardCaptor Loki @ 12/11/2003 07:42 PM EST

dang a few people beat me to the fact Dad is a dead ringer for Hank Hill. All he needs is a southern accent and a few "God Dang"s and a "I Tell ya what" or two and it is Hank. That and Gramps to be a legless racist against Asians and Germans.

That not me ghost freaked the hell outta me man.. Great stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by Rattrap007 @ 12/12/2003 01:42 AM EST

My browser, for some reason, has decided to stop playing anim-GIFs. I never saw the Not Me. But how do I get this thing to run anim-GIFs again? I've asked everyone and they don't know.

In 1991 Keane tried a fourth ghost, "O Yea!" Her purpose was to remind kids about important things right before they're due, like "O Yea! You need to make me a special costume for the play in ten minutes!" O Yea was a one-note pony performing a gag that had been done in the strip series long before her. She died quick. But boy was she evil.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 12/12/2003 03:28 AM EST

Wow Matt, and I thought I was the only one that remembers that insane special. Althought I kept creating a morbid ending for it. But thanks for making me relive another forgotten christmas special. Any hope for the "For Better or worse" one?

Chestnuts roasted by James @ 12/12/2003 04:46 PM EST

I feel like such a bad, bad person by thinking that Jeff's mom is a really hottie. C'mon, who wouldn't tap that?

No wonder she has so many kids...

Chestnuts roasted by Xoxotl @ 12/12/2003 09:08 PM EST

Molly Ivins named her dog Shit. Is Barfy really worse than Shit?

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 12/13/2003 09:35 PM EST

The only way I would act like Jeffy's Dad on Christmas is if there wasn't some of that Christmas beer in my stocking yo.
But I really think that Moms just wasn't giving it to him anymore, you would be sad too:(

Chestnuts roasted by Kasey @ 12/19/2003 07:16 PM EST

Well I actually grew up with this one and compared to some other horrors of the Christmas special world this was actually good (I don't really think I need to explain the terrible "The Bear Who Slept Though Christmas" or the so-bad-I-have-fast-forwarded-through-it-for-ten-years "Buttons and Rusty in The Christmas Tree Train") But I was dissapointed at the way you skipped the scene inwhich mommy tries to tell Jeffy that Grandad is dead and there ain't no way in heck Santa can change that. Oh well, watch the Cristmas Tree Train, that should be punishment enough.

Chestnuts roasted by Bre77 @ 12/20/2003 10:47 PM EST

This fricking thing was on up in Canada yesterday! It was on Treehouse TV, the Canadian version, of, I guess, Noggin. I was working on installing some wood flooring with the TV on for company, when my wife said something to the effect of "What the hell is this?" My 2 year old son had apparently demanded that the channel be changed when Family Circus Xmas came on. I ran downstairs and had to watch it - it was as bad as Matt's review said. Whoever greenlighted this fucker back in '79 must have been spending lots of his paycheque on coke, because this is the sorriest excuse for a Xmas special I ever saw.

Chestnuts roasted by Ninj @ 12/22/2003 05:01 PM EST

There was a Family Circus Easter special too, wherein Dolly goes out to the backyard before the damn roosters are awake & sings what might be the shrillest, most annoying song in the history of larynxes, to summon the Easter Bunny, who turns out to sound like some poor man's Scatman Crothers. There's probably already a review of it here & I'm a dumbass.

Chestnuts roasted by Jon @ 01/08/2004 04:30 AM EST

Hey I liked this thing as a kid--it's cheesy and a little odd but it's cute too...ah shit, I'm just a sentimental nutbar at Christmastime...

Incidentally this video goes for at least $40 on eBay or half.com.

Chestnuts roasted by Robert @ 01/15/2004 11:16 AM EST

I can't help it...I'm SO infatuated with Jeffy's mom.HOT HOT HOT. I want to tap that ass with no rubber, RIGHT NOW!

She kinda has a Demi Moore look in her...meaning fantasizing her riding a strip pole isn't far off...

Chestnuts roasted by alisonchains4 @ 03/20/2004 11:05 PM EST

The Bear Who Slept Though Christmas... sounds cheesy.

By the way, the look on Jeffy's face when he said, "He can, too!" in the "Billy stops being polite and starts being real" video is so screwed up its funny.

Chestnuts roasted by NES Boy @ 04/05/2004 09:25 PM EST

Shit, I remember watching this. I borrowed this from the library when I was like 7.

Chestnuts roasted by Bob Dole @ 06/17/2004 03:22 PM EST

"PJ's foot is in my back." For your information, I love this movie. My boyfriend ordered me a copy of it off ebay, as well as matching pillow cases. Hopefully you won't bash two other Family Circus classics...Easter AND Valentine's Day.

Chestnuts roasted by MattMezzano @ 07/10/2004 01:29 AM EST