10/23/2003 Entry: "My trip to Salem..."

Here's a few pics I snapped last weekend in Salem. The WITCH town.

Aw, man. No grave rubbings? And no dogs? Don't worry -- they'll let you get away with pretty much anything else in their cemetery...

I think we caught at least four groups of people playing Frisbee, and another three who were inspired by the cemetery to bring the age old game of "Freeze Tag" back into the spotlight. It's kinda surreal to see what goes on in there -- aside from all the usual tourists, there were more interesting sights like witchy women making their little kids kiss and thank the cemetery trees. No, I'm serious. Hey, whatever works, right?

There's a monument for John Proctor, though it's kinda hard to read. Apparently, John gets new flowers everyday. Or at least until November, when the tourists go home.

I asked him for a date. He said no. Then he ate me.

I mentioned that it's sort of touristy/kiddy/teeny/collegy/whatever in a previous post, and the proof is in the pudding. Empty cans of Red Bull scattered amongst the ivy.

The "Spooky Shuttles" van. Didn't go inside, but I'll own that car someday. I promise. Noted for its penchant of shining flashing strobe lights out the windows in the dead of night; assumed cause of several fatal road injuries.

"Fire!!!"

There's an outside shot of "Dracula's Castle," a walkthrough amusement ride. Yeah, like I was going to resist a place called "Dracula's Castle."

Here's an interior shot -- it was too dark and fast-moving on the actual ride to grab pics, but it was just your basic mix of costumed freaks YELLING REAL LOUD AT YOU, plus assorted mannequins covered in ketchup with their arms ripped off. There was also a 3-D walkthrough, which was more of the same, but you got to wear 3-D glasses and marvel at how all the fluorescent paint almost kinda sorta negligibly jumped off the walls at you.

And there's the Salem Witch Museum. They sit you in this cathedral thing and shine lights at a bunch of creepy wax figures, explaining the tale of the witch trials. They even had a big wax devil, and another scene where some scapegoat got pressed to death with stones. To illustrate his defiance, a voice played over the loudspeakers when they shined the lights on him: "mooooore weeeeiggght." I'm not sure if we were supposed to laugh, but you know. Wax guys getting pressed to death with stones is funny.

On the way home, we passed a truck with a shot-and-dead bloody moose hanging out in the back. So ends our story.

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 10/23/2003 01:30 PM EST

The crawlspace in my house kind of looks like that...

DEAD HOOKERS EVERYWHERE!!!

Chestnuts roasted by spazzamatic @ 10/23/2003 02:10 PM EST

It's amazing what franchise will do to a town. Dracula, mutants, and all that stuff had nothing to do with Salam originally. Salam has turned into a theme park.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 10/23/2003 02:44 PM EST

Will Matt be working with Wil Wheaton at VH1? Just found this at Fark
http://www.wilwheaton.net/mt/archives/001416.php

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 10/23/2003 03:14 PM EST

I think the guy getting pressed to death is supposed to be Giles Corey (that the right name?) from Arthur Miller's "The Crucible". (Same as John Proctor, actually.) Supposedly he was a real guy who actually died that way, so Miller turned him into a character in his play, an old man who wouldn't give false evidence about witches and was pressed to death for it, all the while yelling nothing but "More weight!"

Old badasses are awesome.

-D

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 10/23/2003 05:09 PM EST

Salem looks like the Disney World of Halloween! You know we all want hot bloody Moose action. Where's the hot bloody Moose action? Probably being developed. You need a whole roll for that. Yep. Fine, I'll go to Salem. You convinced me! Fare thee well!

Chestnuts roasted by Armagideon Time @ 10/23/2003 05:26 PM EST

Yes, Giles Corey is his name.

John Proctor kicks ass.

Chestnuts roasted by Tim-E @ 10/23/2003 06:19 PM EST

Is it just sick that we want to see the moose? I for one was hoping for a bloody moose shot at the end.

Chestnuts roasted by candybar @ 10/23/2003 07:48 PM EST

I don't know about the rest of you, but I think people playing frisbee at a graveyard is just...wrong. I mean, aren't they holy, or haunted, or something? I'm scared to go in the older graveyards in south New Jersey, much less the ones in Salem. I don't care if the place is the world's biggest Halloween tourist trap. It's still freaky.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 10/23/2003 09:17 PM EST

I know people who picnic in the graveyard on Memorial Day...

Chestnuts roasted by Goz @ 10/23/2003 10:20 PM EST

Actually, Danvers is where all the action took place. It used to be part of Salem (but now it's become its own town) but everyone in Danvers likes to deny it. I think the Rebecca Nurse house is there in Danvers.

Also, everyone should just skip the Salem Witch Museum. You can look at all the wax figures on the postcards for FREE in the gift shop, which is way better than the museum itself.

Dracula's Castle is lame. I prefer to hang out at the bar across the street (Lonnie's) cuz they have live rock bands there -- GOOD ones. :D

And everyone should go to Salem Beer Works and try the Pumpkinhead Ale. It rawks! \m/

Chestnuts roasted by Valeska @ 10/23/2003 11:12 PM EST

Hah! Frisbee cemetary! That's awesome!

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 10/24/2003 01:57 AM EST

Hey, Matt visits my hometown! Did you get a chance to check out Gallows Hill? There aren't any markers for where they hung the 'witches', but I'm sure you can find some drunken teens by the watertower...

Chestnuts roasted by Papalmonkey @ 10/24/2003 05:10 AM EST

Starwenn, I know what you mean- it does seem kinda wrong for people to be playing frisbee in the graveyard. But then again, my dorm room senior year was located directly across from our campus cemetary, and people used to have sex in there, so... Also, the school's improv comedy group used to put on a show in the graveyard every Halloween, so I guess they weren't too concerned about disrespecting the dead. (Of course, they weren't actually standing ON any of the graves, either, just off to the side in a clearing.) It's not like it was all old, forgotten people in there, either; we'd just buried a fellow student about a month ago. :p

-D

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 10/24/2003 09:42 AM EST

(Oh yeah, and South Jersey graveyards rock. Some of those places featured in "Weird, N.J."... sweeeeet. Nothing like camping out in the Pine Barrens and telling Jersey Devil stories all night long...)

-D

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 10/24/2003 09:45 AM EST

I'm such a sucker for dark rides. I don't know why. There's something so forbidden about them. As a kid at the carnival I always looked at those haunted house rides in such terrified curiosity, wondering what was inside. In my internet reseach I discover that it's usually neon paint slobbered over old dusty mannequins behind wire mesh screens. Nothing scary about that, unfortunately. Sometimes, though, they are done right. How can you not be in awe of Disney's Haunted Mansion? The site for all dark ride info: http://www.laffinthedark.com/main.htm

Seriously, though, graveyard frisbe--not cool. John Proctor and Giles Corey--damn cool.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 10/24/2003 03:52 PM EST

You think that kind of ride is lousy ? I once payed about ten bucks to end up walking about 20 feet through a pitch black (no light whatsoever) tunnel with ventilators in the ground.
That was THE WHOLE F'N RIDE !

Must've been a secret upskirt photo trap, looking back at it now...

Chestnuts roasted by Creature SH @ 10/24/2003 11:58 PM EST

My uncle works as an engineer. He works on rollercoasters and other amusement rides. He's currently working on a Spiderman virtual roller coaster for Universal. It's going to be all indoor track with scenery projected on screens and the carts are goign to tilt and stuff. Science rules!

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 10/25/2003 05:41 PM EST

That can't be Salem.

Where's John and Marlena? Where's Stefano? Where's University Hospital (you know, the one where all the doctors hang out but never seem to actually practice medicine)?

Ripped off.

Chestnuts roasted by PaloPinto @ 10/26/2003 09:31 PM EST

at the royal show this year (a travelling carnival with showbags rides, food, amusements, and other shit) i bought a ticket for a ghost train (kinda like the one matt went on, im not sure if thats what you call them in america) and it was broken so these smelly guys had to fix it so we came back later and went on it at night thinking it would be extra scary.

let me just say the only scary thing was the fact i paid to ride around in a car in the dark with a creepy guy on the back. it only went for 2 minutes, too. it was so lame. even one of the teenage kids agreed with me. yeah, thats my 2 cents.

Chestnuts roasted by Rachel @ 10/27/2003 10:17 PM EST

i queef on the fart

Chestnuts roasted by bobo the dicknose @ 11/04/2003 04:49 PM EST

yeah i have been there before. I have pictures of all this stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by cale @ 04/19/2004 09:07 PM EST

The Salem Witch Museum is a rip-off. I am from PA, but I now live right next to Salem, in Beverly, Mass. A girl I know came up from PA with her high school and I snuck into the museum with them. (I look like I'm 15, so it was fine) Anywho, I told her more about the Salem Witch Trials than the information they gave us in the museum. She kept asking me questions during the whole presentation. Then she wanted to know if there were really witches in Salem and I told her to keep her voice down, because she might offend someone around us - there might have been a witch standing right next to us.

Chestnuts roasted by schmikki @ 05/17/2004 05:10 PM EST