10/04/2003 Entry: "New Article: The Shrunken Head Apple Craft Project!"

Better late than never, here's a step-by-step guide to transforming any regular apple into a... a.... A SHRUNKEN HEAD! Yes, recapturing the magic of that timeless toy fronted by Vincent Price in the 70s, it's time for us to succumb to the Halloween spirit by fucking up a piece of fruit. I had fun with this one, as the pictures will tell. Tomorrow we're off to find something haunted, so have a nice weekend and drink lots of olive oil just like Trenyce did before singing songs to Paula. I'll update the Countdown before heading to bed, but in case you missed it, there's new featurettes about the "Bottle of Blood" and a plastic Dracula ring with hypnotic powers.

Chestnuts roasted by Brian K @ 10/04/2003 12:43 AM EST

I did this way back in around Grade 7. We did it for our Canadian Thanksgiving. Yeah, we're backwards here. It was boring and I got vinegar in my eyes. Don't try this at home. Matt, are sticky eyes required for said apple head? Maybe that's why I never passed this school project. Or maybe it's because I ate mine. Word.

Chestnuts roasted by Armagideon Time @ 10/04/2003 12:44 AM EST

Can you throw them at trick-or-treaters?

Chestnuts roasted by Alex Moore @ 10/04/2003 01:45 AM EST

Matt, I don't think your cat is ugly at all. She's adorable. In an ugly sort of way. :-D

Chestnuts roasted by Fairy M. @ 10/04/2003 01:46 AM EST

Nice drawings you put up today. I would try to make this funnier but the tylenol pm is in full force, I go sleep now.

Chestnuts roasted by Elliott @ 10/04/2003 01:49 AM EST

Your cat looked funny with the ring on. My class made shrunken heads in 5th grade the teacher baked the apples though.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 10/04/2003 02:13 AM EST

Quite clearly I've needed a means to decorate the papier mache demonic monkey puppet I created last year.

Matt, you're my hero.

Chestnuts roasted by Cannibalizer @ 10/04/2003 03:07 AM EST

Alright, I have to make my own shrunken head (of the apple variety) now. Because I've got pretty long hair, I think I'll use my own for said demon head locks. He'll have the face of a deadite and the hair of an Adonis. You really must take my word for it about the hair. My ex-girlfriend was nuts for it. And since I've got more patience than Matt (though not too much more) I'll keep my apple in pickling juice for a good deal longer. Just water and salt, Matt? Should I add pickle slices or honey mustard or butterscotch syrup or marinara? I wonder if the right combination might actually spawn a living organism. Dammit--now I'm full of curiosity.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 10/04/2003 03:13 AM EST

Shrunken heads rock. Especially ones made of fruit.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 10/04/2003 12:44 PM EST

My elementary school sucked, we never made shrunken apple heads. We never made ANY kinds of shrunken heads.

THe only school Halloween project I can remember is one year doing a jack o'lantern (jack o'lantern designed by a committe of 2nd graders=looks like crap), and then our teacher telling us how delicious roasted pumpkin seeds were. So she actually roasted the seeds and brought them in for us the next day, and they actually are pretty good.

I heard the same teacher trip once say fuck. She was one of my favorite teachers ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 10/04/2003 01:24 PM EST

Two giant testicles attack???
ROFLMAO
That was awesome Matt.
I hope it was god cereal, and not 10 year old promotional cereal.

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 10/04/2003 02:29 PM EST

Munch. Munch munch.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica @ 10/04/2003 03:06 PM EST

Hey if we make shrunken apple heads and send you pictures will you post them?

Chestnuts roasted by Geek @ 10/04/2003 03:18 PM EST

"Marty! Put away that sports almanace!"

By far the funniest thing I've seen in the last three minutes. Matt, you are the funniest man on Mars.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 10/04/2003 04:02 PM EST

This apple do not eat!

Chestnuts roasted by jhtdjh @ 10/04/2003 05:16 PM EST

Does anyone have the link to a site that has the full directions for the apple shrunken head? My brother's birthday is coming up and i figure an ugly shrunken head is sufficiant. =)

Chestnuts roasted by Kristina @ 10/04/2003 05:32 PM EST

Hey Matt, I think you should review something from Super Sentai sometime, that would be fun I think. Me like billy in choose his fate...Uh.. I mean "adventure" Do you think you could do something like that with Krang and Venom??? Please??? Oh, and have them use pepsi blue/vile poison on someone!!! Yeah!!! Horrorific suffering is cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Crow Warrior @ 10/04/2003 06:39 PM EST

i wonder if thats how the voodoo priests actually shrunk heads? hmm....maybe Vincent price has been hawking arcane secrets all these years as a humble child's craft!!!!! ahhhhhhhh

Chestnuts roasted by Scourge @ 10/04/2003 06:42 PM EST

I have to agree with Mr.^3 up there. The Doc pic is the funniest thing I've seen all day.

Now then, you just have to take a picture of it sitting in a jury-rigged Delorean made out of a force-aged Watermelon...

Chestnuts roasted by Omigoshapotato @ 10/04/2003 06:52 PM EST

I'm a big fag if anyone wants to email me, give good head.

Chestnuts roasted by Omigoshapotato @ 10/04/2003 08:19 PM EST

Where does Matt get the text for headline? You know, the stuff that looks like smeared shite-on-a-wall?

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 10/04/2003 08:31 PM EST

Why are the Testicles wearing crowns?

Chestnuts roasted by AL @ 10/04/2003 09:09 PM EST

If you were a testicle that big, you could wear a crown too.

Chestnuts roasted by blastendedskrewt @ 10/04/2003 09:16 PM EST

Damn, watta night! I just got back from a WWE RAW house show that was off the hook, and now I find a way to make my very own shrunken heads! Life is sweet.

And BTW, I intentionally let Billy die. He got out of line! >8^D

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 10/04/2003 09:50 PM EST

I would've love to have seen this article written by Madd Matt.

Vincent Price is dead. Dead like me. We will both come to steal your souls.

Carve your apples. I use teeth from the babies after I've eaten them.

Peel the skin off your apples. Just like I will peel the skin off of you when I make you my next victim.

It would've been fanastic. And he still couldve swore.

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 10/05/2003 12:18 AM EST

I've seen arts and crafts books do dried apples as the faces of little old ladies...but dried apple shrunken heads are far more fun. : 0 )

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 10/05/2003 12:19 AM EST

The salt water pickling process uses osmosis to get all of the water and organic molecules (read sugars) out of the apple so it doesn't rot. Water and stuff dissolved in water will follow concentration gradients in an effort to establish an equilibrium, so water flows out of the apple, diluting the salt, salt flows into the apple, and things like sugars flow out of the apple.

Chestnuts roasted by In the TOP1214 of chemistry nerds @ 10/05/2003 12:27 AM EST

I've seen these for sale. They weren't called shrunken heads though. They were supposed to be old men or women and they had little bodies and rocking chairs. So practice up and open your own apple people store

Chestnuts roasted by candybar @ 10/05/2003 12:36 AM EST

heehee...my ex-girlfriend and i hate sharpies. we used to have these friends (we'll call them jimmy and delilah) that had no problem having sex in front of us when they thought we were sleeping.

well, one time, i was asleep, and they came over. when my ex fell asleep as well, delilah decided to give jimmy a little oral pleasure. the lights were on. i woke up.

to make a long story short, when they realized i was awake, delilah quickly pulled the sharpie out of jimmy's butt.

so, i don't use sharpies anymore. seriously, the thing about how they have "the faint yet somehow still pungent odor" made me almost want to throw up.

happy halloween!

Chestnuts roasted by dankenhurley @ 10/05/2003 02:13 AM EST

ahahahahaaha...funny stuff dankenhurley...wasnt expectin the sharpie to be used like that!?!. XD

Would the apple project work with a green apple too?

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 10/05/2003 04:10 AM EST

Possibly the funniest X-E article I have read, great work Mat!

Chestnuts roasted by Lossenelin @ 10/05/2003 04:37 AM EST

>My toys had sex more often than a 17-year-old bleached Jerseygirl E-head. And it wasn't normal sex...I mean, I had turtles fucking aliens from Jabba's palace, April O'Neil making out with Boba Fett, it all transcended size, gender, and species.

Matt, this is why you need a full archive section. It's hard to find the genius like this without doing random searches.

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 10/05/2003 12:42 PM EST

I tell ya.... perfect timing with the apple bit. I had just thrown out an apple that had nasty apple bruises as if the other apples went all Ike Turner on this one. Well, I plucked it from the trash and did it up, V. Price style. I'm really hoping the bruises will add to the end product.

And after skinning the apple, I thought the skin slivers, flesh-side up, looked an awful lot like flatworms. Ya know, platyhelminthes...planaria. AND you could use the Sharpie again to make the eye spots.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 10/05/2003 01:41 PM EST

Hey Matt? Can I ask you to review something?

Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street [NES], or Halloween [Atari]. I'd love to see your take on these games. Especially that pile of poo F13.

Uh. K. Bye.

Chestnuts roasted by Kitsune Sniper @ 10/05/2003 02:09 PM EST

i always thought that if you left apples out long enough they went like srunked heads on their own

Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 10/05/2003 02:44 PM EST

It looks like Spongebob...wearing a wig of course.

Jeez...that was so obvious I shouldn't have even had to point it out

I hate you all

Chestnuts roasted by Maxx @ 10/05/2003 05:26 PM EST

Spongebob sucks ass

Chestnuts roasted by Jared @ 10/05/2003 05:45 PM EST

And the controversy rages on, does Spongebob suck ass? Sources close to Spongebob giggled and ran away when asked.

Chestnuts roasted by Elliott @ 10/05/2003 07:14 PM EST

When the moron suburban moms I work with have Spongebob stationary at their desks, it's officially no longer cool to be into Spongebob.

Personally, I was never into the show to begin with. I prefer my cartoons to have a meaner sense of humor, thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 10/05/2003 09:18 PM EST

Awesome job with the shrunken apple head. I'd make one of my own, but I have a feeling that my parents would dissaprove.

"Get in the car, sweetie! We're going to that nice room with the padded walls we were looking at yesterday!"

Hm. So I think I'll refrain from that for now. But I don't think the front porch of my house will need a shrunken head, seeing as how seven carved pumpkins, fake spiders and bats, spiderwebs and orange and balck streamers will be sufficient enough for a spookatized house.

Chestnuts roasted by Electric Penguin @ 10/05/2003 10:15 PM EST

I need the help of Blog-unity here to help me find the name of a halloween movie of my youth.

The problem is I only remeber the end of it. The basic plot is Drac gets all the monsters together for a big annual gathering but the Witch refuses to come and tries to destroy Halloween after Drac refuses to make her the top monster.

The Big thing I remember is the end were the witch gets Drac to take her out on a date and with a snap of the fingers Drac transforms into John Travolta clone and the witch turns into a hot chick in a red dress and they dance while the credits rolls.

Some one out there must have seen this! Pleeeese help!

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 10/05/2003 10:16 PM EST

Spongebob doesn't suck ass, he's a sexy sea creature. He and I shall have many beautiful sponge babies some day.

Yeah anyhow...

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 10/05/2003 10:17 PM EST

OMG that apple head scared the shit outta me. I think I'm going to fucking CRY now. I swear to Satan I'm going to hunt you down and make you watch my horrible old tapes of Small Wonder for this one. >.<

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 10/06/2003 12:18 AM EST

Remember late nights on television with horror hosts? Well, it just so happens that we have one on the internet now. And wouldn't you know it, he's hosting Vincent Price movies all month.

Watch Count Gore De Vol: http://www.countgore.com/Lab.htm

PS: You should check this out, Matt. Great review for Halloween... or next Halloween

...Shit.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (#2?) @ 10/06/2003 09:12 AM EST

This and your pear ghosts remind me of the jack-o-lantern cakes my mom used to make. They were so great. She'd make a regular cake with a bundt pan, frost it with vanilla frosting tinted orange, stick one of those green colored ice cream cones in the top and use candy corn to make the face...

damn, now you made me all nostalgic.

Chestnuts roasted by K @ 10/07/2003 08:46 PM EST

Thanks for this project Matt. I don't know where I've been for the last 100 years, but I had no clue you could shrink apples and make gruesome Halloween shrunken heads. My girlfriend and I tried it with very small apples so that we can make a legion of baby shrunken heads, then we're going to find two huge apples to be the mommy and daddy shrunken head apples. I've passed this article along to everyone I know because damn you, you just have a way with explaining things. I was so excited doing this project and for once I have a decorative piece for Halloween. Thanks again Matt, X-entertainment is fucking great.

Edit: For the one millionth time, it's LUCK DRAGON, not PUFF DRAGON. It SHOULD have been Puff Dragon.

Chestnuts roasted by The Nothing @ 10/13/2003 01:53 PM EST

One of my friends still has the Vincent Price Shrunken Head Kit from his childhood. I was shocked that I had never heard of a toy this cool before.

My shrunken head is hanging in my car and I gaze at her adoringly when I leave work everyday. Her name is Debbie and she is a sorority girl who is quite slutty. (My toys have to have personalities, ok?)

Chestnuts roasted by curly-girly @ 10/23/2003 04:35 PM EST

Funny...yet disgusting article. I was curious to see if you posted an article on my birthday. Did you ever! The thought of sticking an apple in the microwave is kind of gross, but I must say that your shrunken head apple came out great!

Chestnuts roasted by Mandie J @ 07/06/2004 11:47 AM EST