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09/16/2003 Entry: "More Reader Mail."

Hey hey hey. Sorry I've been scarce -- you know how you'll get all amped and motivated when there isn't much more than usual to be done, but when you've got an excess, you just subconsciously turn your brain off and just sleep as much as possible instead? And then you'll draw kittens and make cheese sandwiches and ponder the mysteries of ah shut the fuck up here's the latest batch of e-mails. Working on a new article as we speaketh, so if it's not up by the morning, look for it in the afternoon. Gakksaqwoewe.

"Godzilla Power" sent this gem in: "I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW I WNAT TO BUY JOHNNY SOKKO AND HIS FLYING ROBOT "VOYAGE INTO SPACE" VIDEO TAPE AND ASLO WANNA TO HAVE WHOLE VOLUME FROM 1 TO WHAT? AND HOW MUCH COST IT IS .. WHERE IS THE OFFICE? I AM FROM SAN BRENARDINO, CALIFRONIA. I WILL HEAR FROM YOU VERY SOON I AM VERY FIORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU AND DESIRED TO BUT IT... I HAVE NOT SEE THAT MOVIE SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY AND ASLO SOMEONE STOLE MY VALVUE VIDEO AND I HAVE HARD TIME TO FIND VALUE VIDEOS SO I HOPE U HAVE SAME MINE SMILE."

Reply: I get e-mails like this more often than you'd think. People stumble across an old review of something and assume I'm selling what's being talked about. Usually, the inquiries are harmless. In the case shown above, I track down the sender and shove broken glass up their anus.

Danielle writes: "Just thought I'd share with you my story of how X-E helped me advance my career. Kinda. I just started a new job at a retail store, my first job in retail, and I really dont know what Im doing most of the time. This store (Wizards of the Coast) sells tons of crazy ass, obscure toys and candy, all of which I know nothing about. A few days ago this guy came in with his kids, and pulled a box off of some back clearence shelf and yelled to me "Excuse me miss, do you know what this is?". Usually when this happens, I'm forced to either find someone else to help them or make stuff up and hope its close to true, but this time, THIS TIME, the product in question was a Snoopy Sno-cone maker! Now THIS is something I know about. Because of your piece on the Snoopy Sno-Cone craziness, I was able to actually help this guy out and look good in front of my boss! So now you can die happy, knowing you helped make the world a better place, for me at least. Not that I'm saying you should die. Not that Im saying I want to kill you or something. Thats not a death threat!"

Reply: See? Now that's a cool e-mail. I know I'm criminally bad at getting back to people, but these sorts of letters really brighten my day. Like, after I read Danielle's, I suddenly knew how to make giraffe-shaped balloon animals. Never could do that before. It's tough!

Dvveraux chimes in with a movie review suggestion: "Hey Matt. Great website. I saw this movie the other day, and thought it was right up you alley. I mean where else can you see a walrus having sex with a poodle, and rabbits with aids. I dontt know how hard this movie is to find. I heard you can find it on some p2p networks ;) Here is a link to the movie description: http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0097858/ Anyways, keep up the good work."

Reply: If you don't feel like checking out that link, he's referring to "Meet the Feebles." I have no intentions of reviewing that one, sorry. It's unique, definitely, but it just didn't do it for me. Kinda got that whole "Garbage Pail Kids Movie" vibe -- a little too creepy for my tastes. A friend tried to make me sit through it a few years ago, and I don't think I lasted more than 20 minutes. Ten of which were spent crying. I'd still recommend it -- I'd assume the readers of this site would absolutely love that movie, but it just wasn't for me and I can't put myself through another attempted viewing. Sowwwwy.

Bruno writes: "You should have a letters section so you can make fun of people!"

Matt writes: Hey Bruno, I've been posting e-mails on this section for a year! Wait a sec. Bruno probably won't see this one either. Bruno's in serious trouble there.

Sometimes you've gotta have faith. Sometimes e-mails make you lose it. Jut writes: "I read your aticle about Glo Friends. It say's Anne Ramsey (The Goonies, Throw mamma from the train) is in the picture with the Bopbug. Is this true? I thought Bopbugs were manufactured in 1982. Please help me with this."

Reply: Occasionally, I'll reread one of the articles from over the past few months and notice that what I was trying to say was mucked by my very conscious decision to use words that only half-apply to a situation, in part because that's honestly how I talk, but mostly because I can technically say I've never once used a thesaurus. That said, how the fuck anyone could think I was serious when I said that the Glo-Worm Commercial Girl was played by a young Anne Ramsey is something I absolutely refuse to take credit or responsibility for. I know most of my sentences could have thirteen words removed without causing any loss of meaning, but come on, Mama Fratelli was like 420 years old by then.

Feral wiyh some info on Modoc from My Best Friend Is A Vampire: "I'm sure you've had a ton of e-mail about it and probably don't even care, but a quick visit to IMDB confirms that Odo/Modoc/Auberjonois has played a number of doctors, perhaps most notably in "Frasier", where he plays Frasier's mentor (OK, so he's a professor, but he must also be a doctor to be a psychiatrist). Just so you know."

REEPLIEEE: It's strange, but the Star Trek shows really had a lot of great actors. People so eager to write the success off as "just for geeks and nerds" don't understand that geeks and nerds are thrown oodles of these types of shows. For every ST: TNG, there's a hundred shitty ones. When one of the shows is successful, there's usually reasons that extend far past goofy space shuttles and alien races that speak English better did than me did I do. Just from TNG, you had Patrick Stewart, Brent Spiner, and the guy from Reading Rainbow. Sure, what's-her-face-with-the-tits spent much of the series' earlier seasons alternating between having no accent and an accent that painted her as the bastard daughter of a thousand fathers from a thousand nations. But come on -- Brent Spiner! He's the guy who said "this is really exciting!" on all of those ID-4 trailers! Brent's the man, Stan!

Black Curtains writes: "I just recently stumbled across X-E, and until a few moments ago never looked at the About page. I found it interesting that you list Cryptozoology as one of your interests. I too, share a passion for the unknown or unclassified animal... except Bigfoot... don't believe in Bigfoot. The Yeti, the Redman of China, sure... but not Bigfoot. Too many people live in N. America for something like that to remain hidden for so long, don't you think? Anyway, not many, how can I say this without insulting you? "Normal" people have even heard of Cryptozoology, much less know what it is. Hell, I remember being in highschool and one of my teachers asked what one of my interests was. I answered Cryptozoology... he'd never heard of it. So I'm writing you to say, "Crytozoology kicks ass!"

REPLY: I only ever realized that all of those things I was interested in fell under this whole "cryptozoology" umbrella a few years ago. Before that, I was just another guy who'd seen too many Unsolved Mysteries reruns and got turned onto those special Time Life books dealing in the OCCULT MONSTERS YOU NEVER DID SEE. When I found out what the shit was called, I was all like..."Awesome! It's a science! And it has a really cool name!" There's some really good encyclopedia-style books on all the various maybe-animals out there -- I'd name a few but I really don't feel like moving. Sorry.

That's all folks. Wait. That's all, folks. Better.

REPLIES: 43 comments

uhh... I'm speechless. I just felt like blogging.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 09/16/2003 02:48 AM EST

Hurry, Matt. I'm jonesing here. I actually was JUST coming to the blog to remind you that it's time to make a new article. -_-

Chestnuts roasted by freakachu @ 09/16/2003 02:49 AM EST

Don't worry :D It's almost half-done. I've got a headache the size of something bigger than huge, so I'll probably finish it up tomorrow. It's a weird Gremlins item, reviewed.

Also got some great movies to write about soon -- one's already been watched and soaked up, so that might get up on here after Gizmo's 444th return. And!! I got Critters 3! Hooray!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 09/16/2003 02:52 AM EST

And a good Gakksaqwoewe to you too Matt :p!

Chestnuts roasted by Katie @ 09/16/2003 02:59 AM EST

I think the key word for the sort of movies that get covered on this site is "unintentional": *unintentionally* humourous, *unintentionally* campy, *unintentionally* cheesy (debatable when it comes to stuff like Ghoulies, I know), *unintentionally* shocking.

Something like Meet the Feebles is quite intentionally made to shock and offend and, as such, isn't really under the aegis of the sort of film that Matt covers, unless Matt wants to, but ya know now that he doesn't.

I've seen bits n' pieces of it on cable myself, but it doesn't really do anything for me either. But the only shocking puppet show I've ever seen that did anything for me is Crank Yankers, though, there, the puppets are really only visual accessories to the audio of the prank phone calls... well, that and the British Spitting Image series from the 80s (the puppets from Genesis' "Land of Confusion" video), which I enjoyed as a young teen, but that was more straight political/pop culture satire than something done purely to shock.

___

Speaking of Star Trek actors, I always liked pretending Robert Duncan MacNeill's "hair rocker" character from the live-action Masters of the Universe film was Tom Paris from Voyager just before he got kicked out of Starfleet Academy and joined up with the Maquis.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 09/16/2003 03:43 AM EST

Gremlins columns are always great. Being as how it's somewhere enar Halloween and all do you remember some candy from the 80s that came in a little casket and contained little bones that resembled sweet-tarts? And no I was not drinking when I thought of that one.

Chestnuts roasted by The Adamantium Elbow @ 09/16/2003 03:57 AM EST

Ahh Yes.. I remember halloween in 1997 for me, that was when after I went trick or treating I lounged in my bed eating halloween candy watching Gremlins I used to know how to voice like a Mogwai which was Kinda Creepy.. But.. Keep the site going Matt this Site rules! :D

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny @ 09/16/2003 05:03 AM EST

There've been far too few Action Figure Adventure style things as of late.

And no, the Hulk Ball deal doesn't count.

And while I'm at it, we've gone too long without Pokémon. I misses it.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 09/16/2003 05:12 AM EST

hey matt, i love those actoion figure articles, where skeletor goes on adventuresand so on, but dont rush em just to get one out, cos it might end up as a load of rushed boiled arse.

maybe some articles could end with a "skeletor says" bit, where you mossman-armed skeletor, with his faithful lack,y whiplash, could stan by wahatever you have writen about, and say some thing amusing.

the funniest line i remember from x-e is: "I've gathered more eroticism from watching my cats clean their assholes." it made me laaaaaaaaaarf.

Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 09/16/2003 05:37 AM EST

Yeah, what's-'er-name-with-the-tits. Or what's-'er-name-with-the-lopsided-tits as she's known in certain circles. Mostly mine.

You know [tapes on Vulcan ears] originally Marina Sirtis and Denise Crosby were up for each other's parts (which sounds vaguely dirty, but I may just be overtired). So, if they'd gotten the parts they'd originally tried out for, maybe we could have lost Deanna Troi instead of Tasha Yar when Denise decided to "pursue a movie career." [Vulcan ears peel off] But we still would have ended up with Denise Crosby playing an embittered wife confronting mistress Teddy on Sisters.

(See? Matt's not the only one who can make obscure references. I'm, like, what? Two years older than him? I've got a lot of useless trivia crammed into this head, whippersnapper).

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 09/16/2003 05:44 AM EST

Hey Matt, I was wondering, do you have a "Most Wanted"-type list ? Movies and things, that you have been looking for or would love to have that we could help you track down ? OR do you just become amused by what you remember and run across ?

Chestnuts roasted by saint matthew @ 09/16/2003 09:45 AM EST

Thanks for all the great articles over the years Matt, from the mystery peanut to pokemon adventures to freddy krueger make up kits.

I don't recall seeing any Superfriends articles. Those would make an easy write up. Also, have you seen the line of Smallest Transformers from Takara of Japan? Not sure if there's enough information to do an article, but they are cool as hell.

Also, for everyone to get a good laugh, here's a website I found today with the newest Eminem wannabe:

http://geocities.com/d_white_rapper/rapping.html

Chestnuts roasted by rizz @ 09/16/2003 11:18 AM EST

what happened to all the artwork from the heman contest that was supposed to be posted? Did I miss it?

Chestnuts roasted by blucadet3 @ 09/16/2003 11:36 AM EST

The great thing about "Meet The Feebles" is that it was made by Peter Jackson, the same guy who gave us the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I live in Bigfoot country, up here in the great forgotten mountians in Idaho. Every single man and almost every woman looks like Bigfoot here. So Bigfoot does exist, but really just a big hairy guy who lives next door.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 09/16/2003 11:58 AM EST

All this talk about Meet the Feebles, and no mention about the director's other fine contributions to cinema? Bad Taste (really bad, really funny), Dead Alive (also bad, and freakin hysterical) Heavenly Creatures (drama, but what can ya do?), The Frightners (Michael J Fox, R. Lee Ermey, Gomez from the original Addams Family, with a cast like that need I say more?) and let us not forget the biggie Lord Of The Rings! Next on his plate is King Kong, can't wait to see what he does with that one. What we need is a vintage Peter Jackson movie review Matt, Bad Taste, Meet the Feebles, Dead Alive. Those three in particular would make an awesome movie review, combine em all into one super de-duper review! The fact that Meet the Feebles makes you physically ill would make it all the better! So what do ya say?!? Huh?! What do you think?! Huh?!

Chestnuts roasted by Bizzar @ 09/16/2003 12:01 PM EST

rizz:

http://geocities.com/d_white_rapper/rapping.html

Hmm, the thing is, that guy doesn't look white! He actually bears a striking resemblance to Haku/Meng of WCW/WWF/E fame. I think I saw that guy pumping gas at an Exxon in Rock Hill, South Carolina once (with Gillberg).

Oh, and it's been a while since someone mentioned the Advent Calendar. Just thought I'd let ya all know.

Chestnuts roasted by "Of course, the answer is yes. And by yes, I mean no." @ 09/16/2003 12:06 PM EST

Hope you feel better Matt. Remember the Photog pics in the near future please.

Chestnuts roasted by Rono @ 09/16/2003 12:42 PM EST

Nice letters, the only comment I have is "A fisting joke, is not a real fisting joke, unless you are wearing hulk hands."

The influence of X-E is strong my friends...

Chestnuts roasted by spazzamatic @ 09/16/2003 12:44 PM EST

It never fails. Almost everyday someone brings something up that sparks a memory, and leads to hours of hunting for information on google.

Adamantium Elbow, the name of the candy in the coffin was Mr. Bones. The best part was that the candy was tiny skeleton puzzle pieces. Head, chest, arms, pelvis, and legs if I remember correctly. I remember saving the candy just so I could try to get a whole skeleton. Here’s the only pic I could find.

http://theimaginaryworld.com/for36.jpg

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 09/16/2003 12:52 PM EST

What the hell is this thing? \/ by my name?

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 09/16/2003 01:13 PM EST

Izza ghost! A Super Mario Bros. "Boo," more specifically.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 09/16/2003 01:14 PM EST

I want to see the Photog stuff, too. On a related note, does Photog instantly spit out Polaroid-type pictures or does he have to crap out a role of negatives and have them developed?

Chestnuts roasted by sharkie @ 09/16/2003 01:26 PM EST

I really don't mean to be critical but how can somebody who obviously reads this site not remember "Boo" It was my favorite part of mario. Not really, but boy do I loves my ghosts.
Oh I'm pretty sure, (Read: sure) that Beverly Crusher the doctor chick and marina sirtis were up for each other's parts. I really don't care, but you sounded so sure molten.
Halloween!

Chestnuts roasted by spooky @ 09/16/2003 04:31 PM EST

hey, I realized I forgot what I was actually going to post about. Mr. Bones puzzle skeleton candy in the plastic coffin is on sale still/again. No, trust me they are not the orriginal run. New. I found mine at hobby lobby and joanna's fabrics. Early halloween searching. Last year I saw them all over the place. They are still fun. Am I the only one who worshiped them like a little frankenstein? If not, was I the only one who always wanted each piece in one color so it wasn't multi-colored death?
Boo!

Chestnuts roasted by spooky @ 09/16/2003 04:48 PM EST

Thanks for the help Jason. And no Spooky I worshipped the little things too. Those little coffins are also great those little green army men to make it look like they're fighting in a cemetary.

Chestnuts roasted by The Adamantium Elbow @ 09/16/2003 06:18 PM EST

phuck phearless Fotog's Fotos, I wanna see the advent calendar!!

Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man! @ 09/17/2003 06:13 AM EST

Yeah, something tells me that Matt's going to give us the rest of last year's advent calendar as a Christmas present this year.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 09/17/2003 06:38 AM EST

Hey, it's entirely possible that my Crosby/Sirtis sources are wrong, but I've seen it mentioned in a lot of places. Like my Trekkie friend's "documentary" about, er, Trek. And, you know, various places online:

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/3546/sirtis.htm
http://www.digitallyobsessed.com/showreview.php3?ID=3226
http://members.aol.com/bookviewzine/myhomepage/issue29.html

Of course, anyone can pretty much print in hard copy or write anything online in this day and age, so whatever. The key point, however, is tits. As always.

According to startrek.com, Crosby is Bing's granddaughter. I can honestly type that I've ogled Bing Crosby's granddaughter's tits. God. I feel like I should be sitting on a park bench wearing a dirty plaid sports jacket with my trousers unzipped and hocking up phlegm.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 09/17/2003 09:29 AM EST

whatever happened to the seamonkeys?

Chestnuts roasted by hooba @ 09/17/2003 12:35 PM EST

Didja know that Droz from the WWE was originally supposed to be called "Puke"? He wasn't up for any parts of other people's however. And Triple H is going to be a bad guy in Blade 3. Now, there's two problems here... 1) the fact that one more second of HHH in my life will make my head explode, and 2) there's going to be a Blade 3. Even Penitentiary (http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/469.html) gave up after 2... what?

Chestnuts roasted by "Mogwai not for sale any price." @ 09/17/2003 04:04 PM EST

Hooba, Sea Monkeys are still around. However the man who invented them (well, technically evolution invented them; the man who came up with the idea of marketing brine shrimp as whimsical sea creatures) donated quite a large portion of the millions he made off of them to neo-Nazi organizations. And they made crappy pets anyway.

Mat, I support your decision not to cover Meet the Feebles. As someone else has pointed out, it's a movie that is trying to be intentionally goofy and shocking, and therefore not really the same as most of the films reviewed on X-E. Plus I just didnt think it was that funny.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 09/17/2003 08:12 PM EST

> the man who came up with the idea of marketing brine shrimp as whimsical sea
> creatures) donated quite a large portion of the millions he made off of them to
> neo-Nazi organizations.

Fuck off! Seriously? I haven't been so disillusioned since I found out that the woman who makes my herbal tea donates the profits to a Christian gnostic cult.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 09/17/2003 09:10 PM EST

no, i mean that matt had done a review on sea monkeys to replace the craptacular fish tank. I was wondering how they were doing.

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