09/09/2003 Entry: "Reader Mail, Volume 20230202020202."

Feedback time -- here's a few e-mails I was able to recover from the thousands of virus e-mails waiting in my inbox every morning, with responses. By the way, if you've sent me something particularly important, you may wanna do it again. The blaster worms and crap have created the need to delete my mail in its entirety on more than one occasion over the past month. Blaster worms are the least fun kind of worms. Onto the e-mails -- my responses are in bold. But are my responses themselves bold? One way to find out.

Okay, first off, check this out. It was pointed out to me by watchful reader "Arnie." Someone on eBay is selling an animatronic Ninja Turtle from one of the movies. The cost? A scant 6900 bucks. Too rich for my blood, but the picture is worth almost half of that:

His legs look like really expired olive loaf.

Simone writes: "Interesting note about the Talking Big Bird (you know, that rip-off of Teddy Ruxpin that shows up in your Toys 'R' Us catalog scan?) - I remember having one of these guys a long time ago, and two things about it stand out in my memory:

1. If you pushed down on Big Bird's eyelids a bit, you could make him look like he was perpetually stoned.

2. The tapes, when you inserted them, went INTO HIS ASS. Lift up the tail and there you go. Of course, this meant that the tapes also came *out* of his ass when ejected, and a fun time was had by myself and my little friends pushing the eject button and seeing Big Bird "go potty" or "lay an egg", depending on whether parents were in the room."

I've seen the beast too, and Simone's right -- the poor bird's voice box is straight up its ass.

Alf writes: "I live in Central Florida and upon reading your article on the new ecto cooler I set out to find some Shoutin' Orange Tangergreen Hi-C but NO grocery store carried it, so I was wondering what part of the country do you live at so I could get some assistance with this. Thanks."

Yeah, this whole "Missing Tangergreen" thing is a big problem -- you're not the only one experiencing it. Remember that blog entry that showed my taking-home of the local grocer's remaining stock? As it turns out, that really was their remaining stock. They haven't put anymore out, and the static price tags on the shelf are also gone. Looks like we're gonna have to assault Minute Maid with another 200 e-mails.

Christopher writes: "I've been a longtime reader of X-E, and I wanted to start off by saying I enjoy the site very much. You do great work. I wanted to give you a few points regarding your review of the Wendy's 99 cent Super Value Menu. I worked at Wendy's long ago, so I have "inside knowledge" of things Wendy. Yeah. Even though that was nearly 10 years ago, but hey.

Starting with the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. Yep, standard fare is Mayo, Tomato and Lettuce. (You'll find the same three on both the Spicy Chicken and regular chicken sandwiches. Grilled chicken sandwiches substitute honey-mustard for the mayo.) The best way to request what condiments you want is in the order of Mayo, Ketchup, Pickle, Onion, Tomato, Lettuce, Mustard. This is the actual Wendy's standard condiment order. Seriously. Every sandwich has condiments that go on in this order. Big Bacon Classic? Everything. Jr. Bacon? Mayo, Tomato, Lettuce. Double Stack? Ketchup, Pickle, Onion, Mustard.

Be glad you have never worked for Wendy's. THE CONDIMENT ORDER WAS ACTUALLY MADE INTO A SONG ON ONE OF THE TRAINING VIDEOS. I still break out in a sweat when I think about it. Anyway, The Double Stack brings me to my next point. In the beginning of your article, you mention "by hook or by crook, you'll still be able to buy five crunchy chicken nugs for a buck in the year 2112." I'm not so sure. See, the Double Stack actually used to be on the 99 cent menu. They took it off a few years back though, and now it's something like $1.19. Just goes to show that things on the value menu don't necessarily STAY on the value menu.

As for the chili, it should be noted that Wendy's has gotten many awards for their chili. I myself like it very much. The beef in the chili is actually hamburgers that were on the grill at closing time. They're taken off the grill(s), dumped into bags and put in the fridge until the next morning where they're tossed into a metal bin, rinsed, and chopped up with spatulas. Then it's mixed with the chili mix which is pretty much "dried-everything-else" in a white bag, along with SCORCHINGLY hot water. If you hang around a Wendy's for a few hours, you're guaranteed to hear "HOT CHILI!" a few times; that's the staff carrying that shit around wearing a rubberized outfit of apron and elbow-length gloves.

The potatoes vary greatly in quality, size, and "chive coverage" as it were. There are standards for minimum-size and age, but you'll find that they're both overlooked occasionally. If the potato is mushy and/or brownish in color on the inside, it's been sitting in the spud drawer for awhile. Ask for another one. Personally, I prefer a (fresh) plain potato with a touch of salt. Finally, the frosty you received should have been thicker. And if you ever see anyone dip their fries into their frosty, they should be executed immediately. I had *co-workers* at my Wendy's who did that shit. So there it is. I hope this info was even slightly interesting. Not at all useful, but completely free of charge. Keep up the great work with X-E, though."

Thanks for the info, Chris! Other Wendy's employees have e-mailed in with much darker stories about the infamous chili, so I suppose it depends on the particular restaurant. While most of what I said negatively in the article was meant in jest, the chili definitely had some stuff of indiscernible origin hiding inside it. I suppose the mutant giant potatoes were their idea of compensation.

Tom writes: "Just a little tidbit of information, 'cos I was going through you archives and came across that article you wrote a while back on The Shining, thought you might be interested. You were saying about the character Halloran, that nice black guy who gets the axe in his chest. Well, he's played by Scatman Crothers, which is a name you might recognize from the credits of the finest giant transforming-robots show to come out of the 80s. Yes, this man IS the voice of Jazz."

Oh great. Now I'm not sure if his telepathically spoken "YOU WANT SOME ICE CREAM, BOY??" line is the best thing Scatman ever said. I hate having the cornerstones of my life fucked with.

Rob writes: "I was browsing X-Entertianment's website and found your Clowny article.  Jesus, I thought I was the the only person who not only remembered Clowny, but rambled on and on about it to friends and family ad nauseum.  Alas, I thought incorrectly.  You and I share the Clowny bond.

I remember being in second grade when Clowny came out (I was born in 1978, so that was 1985-1986). Clowny, Sticker Fun,  Transformers, Jem, Atari 2600, and Filmation Ghostbusters.  Our generation was most certainly blessed. I was at CVS around the corner from me (Brooklyn, NY) and I saw these Colorific Splitz ("Color with attitude...4 colors in 1 crayon!" says the package). Poor man's Clowny, I know, but I had to buy them out of respect. This definitely proves that *everything* from the 80's is coming back."

Haaa, very cool. You mentioned being born in '78 -- I'm '79. I'm also a bridge away from Brooklyn, so it's no surprise that we'd both share in the Clowny fascination. I'm guessing it was kinda regional. I've seen some Clowny knockoffs like the ones Rob mentioned, but they never could match the glory of the originals. I don't know what it was about those crayons, but damn they made me wet. Actually, I distinctly recall my mother baiting me with one to get me past my first day jitters going into the first grade. By the way, Rob sent in those pictures, too. You can check out his band's site here.

J-Boy writes: "I don't know if you heard, but MGM has the rights to the first 2 Ghoulies movies and put them together on one DVD. The quality is right nice and it even has the original previews. You should check it out sometime."

I still haven't really gotten into DVDs, but they sure sound splendiferously megatastic. Ghoulies fans are few and far between, but if you are one, seeing those previews is well worth the price of the DVD set. Plus, they're giving you the two best entries in the four-part series, and the price will likely run you less than that of a single, more popular DVD. Personally, I'll stick with the clamshelled VHS copies -- I paid too much for 'em to toss the things aside now. For the rest of you? Pick 'em up. GREAT Halloween flicks, especially if you don't want to pay super-close attention to the screen. PS, Amazon has the set -- click here.

Jeremiah writes: "Hey man.  Love the site.  I spend far too much time on it when I’m bored. Anyway, I just read the Oreo article and wanted to let you know, I think the Big Stuf Oreos never actually went away.  They just sort of went underground.  If you ever eat at Friday’s, take a look at their dessert menu.  They have something that comes with two gigantic Oreos smothered in ice cream and caramel sauce. Has Friday’s co-opted to Big Stuf?  Are they actually the artificially preserved remnants of the Big Stuf batches that didn’t sell in the 80’s?  Who the hell knows? Tastes great, but you better share with a friend or run the risk of spontaneous Type II diabetes."

You know, hearing that will probably get me into my car this weekend for a 45 minute trip into Jersey just to see if you're right. Not having a happenin' social life really helps these sorts of witch hunts. Love me some Big Stuf. Oh yeah.

Rmyroup writes: "In 1969 when I was nine, Hi-C came out with Cactus Cooler, which was a Flintstone tie-in. That is the missing piece of the riddle."

The man/woman is correct. I've seen a picture of the stuff, though I can't seem to find it now. Apparently, green Hi-C has forever been the "novelty option" for any forthcoming cross-promotions with an entertainment entity. Regardless, drinking Slimer's drink just seems a whole lot more interesting than anything tied to Fred. Tell me, did Mr. Slate nail a cameo appearance on the can at least? It'd help.

That's all for now. Or is it? Muahaah.

http://www.realultimatepower.net

Chestnuts roasted by "Please refrain from firing at the thermonuclear weapons." @ 09/09/2003 12:21 PM EST

matt... we have a friday's in brooklyn too! :) and that oreo dessert is way too yummy to share... just get that as u'r main meal and all is set.

Chestnuts roasted by jessica @ 09/09/2003 12:38 PM EST

::giggles:: the letters are great, but Blanche is better. The Golden Girls is possibly the greatest sitcom ever.

Chestnuts roasted by zann @ 09/09/2003 12:49 PM EST

Man, is it just me, or does that Turtle look like he was just caught doing an "American Pie" thing or what? Look at his face! lol

Chestnuts roasted by Kiften @ 09/09/2003 02:52 PM EST

Hey Matt. I sent you a picture and story on my Spider-Man knock-offs, but maybe you lost that one along with others. I can't seem to find the pics on my comp anymore and I'm away at school now without my "Spader-Man" toys (couldn't fit them in the damn luggage). Oh well. I plan on showing you plenty of other things.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 09/09/2003 03:00 PM EST

Speaking of Flintstones, I recently came across an old Flintstones Make-It-Yourself Popsicle kit from the 60s. Thought I'd share.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 09/09/2003 03:06 PM EST

If I am not mistaken, the Scat Man also voiced Hong Kong Phooey and one of the Super Globe Trotters, amongst other random Hanna Barbara characters through the ages.

Chestnuts roasted by nate_omega @ 09/09/2003 03:13 PM EST

I came across some of the spader Man toys at the local flea market. At first I was excited to finally have my own James Spader action figure, then I saw they were just Spidey knock offs. When, oh when will I be able to finish acting out my Pretty in Pink scenarios?

Chestnuts roasted by FuguDeth @ 09/09/2003 03:34 PM EST

Matt, why must you continue to hurt me by refusing to post a picture of me, the Hulkamania Aligator? My creator worked many long minutes to paint me with the stupid paint program that barely worked on his computer.
Each day I check the whales page, and each day I cry. Ah, I thought today. Reader emails...it MUST be in there! Alas, nothing but a bunch of emails on Ghoolies and Hi-C, that infernal drink that will never go away.
This is a sad day for Aligators. And Hulkamania. Well, mainly aligators.

Chestnuts roasted by The Hulkamania Aligator @ 09/09/2003 04:02 PM EST

Funny thing about the Wendy's frosty in my area, they give it to you with a straw and a spoon when you buy it at the drive thru window. But they're way too thick to make it thru a straw, so it's like the straw is just there to tease you while you drive. It's very tragic.

Chestnuts roasted by GoldenBoy @ 09/09/2003 04:08 PM EST

um to the guy who rote about the ecto cooler. also to matt. I live in brooklyn ny and i have not problem finding the big gallons of orange lava burts are no problem and ive been drinking the screamin tagoreen since you rote that artical(the juice boxes they dont make that in gallon form). so i dunno if you wanna venture on over here just for some HI-C. im not stopin you

Chestnuts roasted by jared @ 09/09/2003 04:18 PM EST

oops sorry bout then brooklyn ny im not that supid its just a typing habit.

Chestnuts roasted by Jared @ 09/09/2003 04:24 PM EST

ive been having trouble finding tangergreen too!!! One day I was gonna buy some but all the hi-c was GONE except 3 packs of tropical punch. Now there isnt even a spot for tangergreen on the shelf, just lavaburst, fuit punch, and tropical punch. Its definately time to write letters!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 09/09/2003 05:06 PM EST

BLANCHE!!!!! woo hoo!

Chestnuts roasted by Lynn @ 09/09/2003 05:08 PM EST

I think the new "Extreme (flavor) Blast" drinks are completely replacing the old Hi-C; all the local grocery stores have left of the boxes are cherry and fruit punch.

Chestnuts roasted by silly golem @ 09/09/2003 05:35 PM EST

I know this is a bit off-topic, but I know if there's one group of people that can help me with this... Does anyone remember the adds for a movie about a girl (goth chick type) who falls in love with a guy, he cheats on her/loves someone else - she starts chopping people up to make new friends... This was around like a month or two ago, if memory serves me correct... Thanks for helping me keep my sanity. Now sit there and stand like a bunch of Rory Calhoun's.....

Chestnuts roasted by Doc @ 09/09/2003 06:06 PM EST

I was out at the local Wal*Mart and I saw a new TMNT playset! It was the Sewer playset and I instantly thought of the article you did. Oh! Did you have trouble with Unicron's chest missile CONSTANTLY FIRING EVERY TIME YOU TOUCH IT?! I did. A few HARD pushes and it behaves now. :)

Chestnuts roasted by dethstryke @ 09/09/2003 06:18 PM EST

Damn. If my talking Big Bird still talks, it's time for him to learn "Big Pimpin'."

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 09/09/2003 07:38 PM EST

"oes anyone remember the adds for a movie about a girl (goth chick type) who falls in love with a guy, he cheats on her/loves someone else - she starts chopping people up to make new friends..."

I think your talking about the movie 'May'.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0303361/

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 09/09/2003 08:45 PM EST

Does anyone remember a Disney movie about a statue that comes to life when a blanket is put on it's arm and spends Halloween trying to scare a family? I think it was called "Heebie Jeebies" or something like that.

Chestnuts roasted by Lucky Cat @ 09/09/2003 09:10 PM EST

Yup Its "may"
that movie was kind of a let down
:(

Chestnuts roasted by Skeletor @ 09/09/2003 09:11 PM EST

Aw jeez...I just though of Ecto Cooler and how I miss it. And since I can never have TRUE Ecto-Cooler, I will go have myself a smoke-a-thon, like I often do when I feel so down.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 09/09/2003 09:33 PM EST

Hmmm, maybe I will have to try Wendy's chilli now, just to see how well the folks in South Jersey make it.

There are people who dip their fries into their Frosty? Um, I think I'll stick to a good, old fashioned straw or spoon....

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 09/09/2003 10:06 PM EST

I used to work at a Taco Bell, and thought the food prep *there* was unappealing >:-*

It is kinda funny though - I moved from Texas to Australia (Brisbane) about 5 years ago, and when I was visiting Sydney I came across a Taco Bell. It was like massive culture shock - it looked just like Taco Bell, but all the menu items were different. They have a "Bell Burger" and fries with salsa and sour cream and stuff. Major mindfuck.

Chestnuts roasted by PaloPinto @ 09/09/2003 10:47 PM EST

woo hoo!!! i finally got that darn fly thats been flying around all day! I smacked it with an empty box of cheez-its! XD

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 09/10/2003 01:18 AM EST

Lucky Cat, "Mr. Boogedy" scared the hell out of me and there was a sequel!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091566
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092696

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 09/10/2003 01:31 AM EST

I noticed from that Ghoulies Amazon link that you can also buy a box set of "Troll" for a discounted price. "Troll" is one of the only films that scared the living SHIT out of me as a child, and I still have trouble watching it, no matter how retarded it may seem now.

Also, there's only ONE grocery store in my entire area (Eastern CT.) that sells Orange Tangergreen. It's the most ghetto grocery store in existence, but ironically it has what I crave. Along with a huge leftover stock of Hulk pudding. Boo-YA!!

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 09/10/2003 12:21 PM EST

Many thanks to Skeletor and Mr Mango! You get the gold star!

Chestnuts roasted by Doc @ 09/10/2003 01:52 PM EST

Holy Crap, I was thinking of Scat Man Cruthers and just remembered a Saturday Morning live-action show that he was on in the 80's just before he dies. It was kind of like a Sesame Street with all black actors. Get this. It was called Pryor's Place and it starred Richard Fucking Pryor. The dirtiest commedian of the 70's had a Saturday Morning network kids show just 5 years after he was admitted to the hospital because he caught himself on fire while freebasing cocaine (they call it crack now).

Anyway, Scat Man guested on every show in the 70's from Starsky and Hutch to Love Boat to The Hulk and he was in every movie that needed more than one Black Guy. I think he was even in Roots.

Chestnuts roasted by Klatubaradanikto @ 09/10/2003 02:15 PM EST

Holy cow, was that Rue Mc Clanahan shot from the Golden Girls's episode where Blanche wants to become a romance novel writer, so she stays up for 3 nights consecutively and then starts hallucinating that some eggs in a Ziploc bag (a Rose creation, of course) were the sun trapped inside a plastic bag? Because that episode was absolutely awesome and I believe that was where that gold lame shirt she's wearing first made an appearance..

Chestnuts roasted by Smurfette @ 09/15/2003 12:18 AM EST

The hting about the last comment, is you're never REALLY sure you're the last. Oh well. Live and learn, and then get Luvs.

My sis had that Big BIrd. Loved the velcro on the butt to make it stick to the nest.

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 09/25/2003 12:13 AM EST

Whats up Lucky Cat and ME, if you're looking to own the mr.boogedy movies, you can find them on ebay.com. I just bought them 2 days ago for 21 bucks including s/h. The best part is they're on friggin DVD man!! Later

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Chestnuts roasted by irons @ 11/03/2004 11:41 PM EST