07/14/2003 Entry: "The Top Eleven Draculaaaaaas."

Well, here's the Top 11 Draculas feature: a detailed list of the very best Draculas of all time. Perennial faves such as Bela Lugosi and Nosferatu make the grade along with less assumed champs like Count Chocula and Little Dracula. As someone pointed out in the comments section, Count Duckula should've probably taken Little Drac's spot. He was right, damn. I fucked that duck six ways from Sunday. To compensate, there's a bonus feature about one of the strangest Dracula-themed items ever. Longtime readers might remember it -- the coffin-shaped pendant filled with dirt from Dracula's castle! You know, the image I used on the left is a little too tall. Now I've gotta sit here typing nonsense to fill up the empty space. Blah blah blah, Jim Ross is on fire, blah blah blah, rotten bastard blah blah blah.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/14/2003 11:11 PM EST

Too much of a stretch, but don't think he wasn't considered. :)

I could only allow myself one non-Dracula, and Count Chocula whoops Sesame Street.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/14/2003 11:14 PM EST

I am shocked that you omitted Duckula. Shocked!! For those unenlightened he came on in the late 80's early 90's on Nickelodeon early in the morning. I believe stuck between Mr.Wizard and Danger Mouse. His theme music was so cool that I would wake up at dawn so that I could get a beach towl and tie it around my neck and pretend that I was emerging from my coffin when his theme music hit, INCREDIBLE!
As you can imagine I had very little friends, I mean that in both size and number. They were tiny Mexicans.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/15/2003 12:05 AM EST

Perhaps good ol' JR is a vampire. Perhaps Kane exposed him to sunlight. It could happen! And a blackhole might be lingering in my closet. These things happen everyday.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 07/15/2003 12:45 AM EST

I can simply state beyond the shadow of a doubt ( Pun intended severely) that the list was 100% accurate. Graf Orlock rocks the cassbah.

BLAH, BITCH!!!

Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 07/15/2003 01:04 AM EST

What about the Dracula from the Scooby Doo animated movie. I know it sucks but he reminds me of my grandpa and my grandpa reminds me of Ricardo Montalban. Plus they broke the mythos by hinting that he was impotent, he had a hot wench and didn't even do anything. Even Shaggy tried to get some.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/15/2003 01:25 AM EST

I know most people think of him as a werewolf but I always thought of Eddie Munster as a vampire, he never really did anything to warrant the much cooler label of lycanthrope. All he ever did was howl, even the normal cousin did that from time to time. He just looked more like a vampire, that goes for the old black & white version and the stupid revamp one from the early 90's (I think he was played by that guy that was Dana's boyfriend in Step By Step). Typing this up I just realized you forgot Grandpa. How could you? And the vampire from Gremlins 2. What else, how about the Gay Blade himself George Hamilton, his role as a drunken Dracula was worth something. There is also Nicholas Cage's role in Rockula (since he's related to Coppola you could have made a link). There's also that hilarious vampire movie with Jim Carrey called Twice Bitten or something like that. Lest we forget that famous Susan Sarandon vampire movie with the lesbian scene, Hunger it may have been called. A person can go mad thinking about how many vampire movies there are.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/15/2003 02:00 AM EST

It took all night to talk Frank Langella down from the ledge, Matt. Well, at least you have had nothing but good things to say about his work in Masters of the Universe.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/15/2003 02:04 AM EST

I just got back from RAW here in Indianapolis, and when Kane lit JR on fire you could have heard a pin drop. The crowd was stunned, 10,000 people (mostly rednecks, admittedly) silenced. Very eerie.

Love the site by the way, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 07/15/2003 02:22 AM EST

You missed the dracula from Monster Squad :( I thought he was snazzy,but not as snazzed as me in the Punisher...remeber my ass in the sewer? That was all Dolph,all the time.

Chestnuts roasted by Dolph Lundgren @ 07/15/2003 02:59 AM EST

A MST3K favorite, the film is some kind of anomaly that seems capable of erasing all of Dracula's previously established lore.

Correction, Matt. Billy the Kid vs Dracula, as bad as it may have been was never featured on MST3K ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Kev @ 07/15/2003 03:50 AM EST

Let me holla at you playa. All you cracka's ever do is keep the black man down. Beelee dat playa. You know we're the superior athletes, the superior minds and damn stra8, you know we be da superior Draculas. Beelee dat playa. Let me tell you something playa. You got these white, plae face dracula's and then you go ahead and put Count Chocula at #4. #4???? You need a black Drac to be thuggin and buggin at dat#1 spot. This is clearly another character assasination by the man. First you hold down Duckula cause he's different. Then you keep the seasame street count out of the picha. And then you put Choc at #4 and Blacula at #11. This is clear and blantant racism. Beelee dat.

Chestnuts roasted by Theodore R. Long @ 07/15/2003 04:52 AM EST

Anyone interested in the original "Dirt from Dracula's Castle" article? Here it is:

http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/303.html

I don't have anything else to contribute, so...EXPLODING SOCK MONKEY!

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 07/15/2003 08:12 AM EST

"There's also plenty of poorly painted 'western' backdrops, all including poorly painted alien cactuses, which serves as a nice balance for the terrific scenes featuring frightening rubber bats."

It's cacti, Matt. [/evil grammar nazi]

I would have to call that my personal favorite 11 thus far.

Chestnuts roasted by some monkeys @ 07/15/2003 08:44 AM EST

So Matt, if I send you a copy of Mac and Me, will you review it? I won't even ask for anything else. Except maybe one of them giant Oreo's.

Mmmmmm, giant Oreo.

Yes, I'm aware this post is one article late. Eat me!

cruiz@scotsmanality.com

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 07/15/2003 09:15 AM EST

If "Dracula" includes all vampires with names that end in "ula," then Bunnicula wouldn't have been bad to include.

Personally, I never liked this series of children's books, but I remember them being really popular in my school.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 07/15/2003 11:36 AM EST

Some Monkeys: "cactuses" is an acceptable plural form, it's just that "cacti" is the cooler sounding word. =D

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/15/2003 11:59 AM EST

Hey Matt, I was just thinking that a cool idea for a future Top Eleven could be "Top 11 Movie Death Scenes". I don't know why but it was just something I was thinking about, feel free to ingore me :)

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 07/15/2003 12:25 PM EST

Obviously I meant ignore NOT "ingore". Duh.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 07/15/2003 12:26 PM EST

I just got bored in my digital typography class and decided to drop on in. I always liked Dracula from "Dead and loving it". I thought that was the best one.

I enjoy peas.

Chestnuts roasted by Otaku Queen @ 07/15/2003 12:40 PM EST

Great article Matt!! I think you were bang on. Except of course for the Duckula thing. AS with Happin' Mojo, I used to race home to watch it everyday. Although the towel thing is a little far fetched for me I did have the intro memorized.

Chestnuts roasted by KoNaX @ 07/15/2003 12:55 PM EST

It was great to see Christopher Lee get high marks. He is my favorite Dracula, and also my favorite actor.

Unfortunately, Mr. Lee himself is quite ambivalent about Dracula stuff. He hates talking about it or being reminded about it.

There is going to be a 12" Christopher Lee as Dracula action figure coming out this winter though. So that should be cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Chaos Mage @ 07/15/2003 01:05 PM EST

While I know Lost Boys didn't actually have a Dracula character but it had Corey Haim and Corey Feldman ! That movie should have at least got an honorable mention !

Hey Bansheex, here's one for ya. Who would win in a fight, Photog or a tag team combination of the inseperatable Coreys ?

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 07/15/2003 01:18 PM EST

My mom's an Anne McCathery nut, she won't stop talking about the blood-suckers. Great article, Matt, though we all seem to agree that Duckula should have been in there.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 07/15/2003 01:22 PM EST

A 80s tribute site to leaving off Duckula? Was it to obscure for UGO's readers?

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 07/15/2003 01:46 PM EST

Well, you guys went all around to remind Matt of some Counts he forgot, but I'm a simpler guy: Matt, you left out Drac Pack (They had 2 Dracs!!!) and Don Dracula!! You gotta remember those!! Or am I the only one??

Chestnuts roasted by Roddy @ 07/15/2003 02:51 PM EST

This one was great, the best 11 yet. Good mix of fun/real Dracs. Thanks!

Chestnuts roasted by HRT @ 07/15/2003 03:11 PM EST

I guess the big question in my mind now is.....

Came we slather JR in his Barbeque Sauce (BARBEQUE SAUCE! BARBEQUE SAUCE! BY GAWD, BARBEQUE SAUCE!!!) and eat him?

Chestnuts roasted by Karmic Crimewave @ 07/15/2003 04:10 PM EST

And one more Drac in the back of the pack: Vampire Hunter D.

Granted, he didn't wear a cape, had a talking mouth in the palm of his hand and was named after something that Raid would have happily marketed with dying cartoon cockroaches, but I think he was just bitchin'!

Chestnuts roasted by Konopka @ 07/15/2003 04:16 PM EST

Very well done! Count Chocula was always my favorite, as I eat his chocolately goodness on a daily basis. Its much easier to get than blood, and well, tastes better with milk.

I thought of another Dracula that might have made a good addition to the list. Anyone remember the movie "Monster Squad?" I watched that movie 100 times as a kid, and the dracula in that was just dripping with um...vampirey smarm.

Chestnuts roasted by Psychic Lemur @ 07/15/2003 05:14 PM EST

Now, I am simply *crushed* that you didn't include the Star Trek salt vampire :P

Chestnuts roasted by Amanda Swiftgold @ 07/15/2003 06:22 PM EST

I remember renting "Dead and Loving It" when I was twelve or something, and I do believe I laughed or at least sniggered multiple times.

Of course, back then I also had recorded Police Academy 3 and 4 from TV, watched them and simply kept the VHS tapes (without, say, smashing them, incinerating the pieces, burying them and then scrubbing myself with sandpaper until my skin came off), so I realise this means very little and may indeed be ample reason to avoid watching it ever.

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 07/15/2003 06:48 PM EST

Ubu rex is right, Bunnicula ruled. He sucked the juice out of carrots.

Personally, I never cared for Coppola's Dracula. Too artsy fartsy, and I couldn't stop laughing at Keanu's accent and inability to say Budapest.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/15/2003 07:50 PM EST

While we're still somewhat in the mood of naming vague Vampires, I feel that I should put SCTV's own Count Floyd into the foray. A-WOOOOO!

...Boy, it feels good to get that offa my chest.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 07/15/2003 08:49 PM EST

Man.

No Billy Van as Count Frightenstein from The Hilarious House of Frightenstein? Not even the midget Count, Count Munchkinstein? I mean, the guy had a Frankenstein monster named Brucie, for Pete's sake. And Vincent Price. He had Vincent Price, too (not in the biblical sense).

And how about Joel Dacks (click my name to see more; apparently I'm an idiot who can't decipher the code to embed a URL on this blog) as the original 1986 Little Vampire? (Okay, I just threw that one in because the guy ended up going to the same university as I did, and was a buddy of an ex. Otherwise, it's a total cult reference and I should be thoroughly ashamed of myself).

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 07/15/2003 10:50 PM EST

I'm pretty sure that Eddie Munster *was* a vampire. He slept hanging upside down. I think. I remember a vague reference. Wolf boys don't sleep upside down.

Chestnuts roasted by George @ 07/15/2003 11:27 PM EST

Jeff, Count Floyd was brought back for the animated Ed Grimley show on NBC. The cartoon was actually funny with other members of SCTV providing voices besides Martin Short.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 07/16/2003 02:06 AM EST

Iw as a great article, but articles like this just invite these sorts of posts that mention alternatives.

Dracula from Monster Squad might've been a good inclusion.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 07/16/2003 03:03 AM EST

The only way to avenge Count Duckula's honor is to give him the X-entertainment write up he deserves. While you're at it, Danger Mouse should get an article too -- maybe before the Duck, since the Mouse came first. Also, I watched Danger Mouse so much that I think I memorized every line in the show. Cor!

Chestnuts roasted by Kit @ 07/16/2003 03:46 AM EST

Great article, Matt...

However, I was expecting a little reference to the "floating sex scene" in Dracula 2000. That was totally laughable and one of the few parts I can remember of the movie!

Chestnuts roasted by Kowai @ 07/16/2003 04:58 AM EST

you know the drill... where was duckula.... as soon as I saw the write up.... DUCKULA's theme song popped into my head... but no duckula in the list :-(.

Also Matt, picked up a good one last night worthy of your review. TRICK OR TREAT. With Gene Simmons and Ozzy playing an evangelist. It's only Rock and Roll... isn't it?!?! The lead star was SKIPPY from Family Ties. he says fuck in it like a million times. Anytime you hear a sitcom character say Fuck, it is funny... what what alex P keaton say if he heard that language!

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 07/16/2003 10:21 AM EST

Yeah, I picked uo Trick or treat a couple of months ago from Wal-Mart for $6. Watch out for Sammy, he's gonna kill ya with his devil music.

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 07/16/2003 01:49 PM EST

Come on, guys, what about the omission of Count Johnson from The Sword of Samurai Cat? I realize the books of that series are pretty much the most obscure, impossible-to-find books of all time, but they're also the funniest...

"My lord! You sound like the villain from a Stephen King novel!"
"Actually, I sound more like one of his HEROES, but who the hell cares?"

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 07/16/2003 03:04 PM EST

I got another vamp to consider: The problem with the others was that most of the movie ones weren't very unique. But the character Alucard from the anime Hellsing (http://www.hellsing.nu/alucard/) really stands out, I think, as a proper modern-day vampire. He's got it all -- fantastic original music score, a bad-ass attitude, and he wears Carmen Sandiego's coat and hat with Paul Schaffer's glasses!

Chestnuts roasted by Alan Smithee @ 07/16/2003 05:17 PM EST

Oh, hell, I forgot another I wanted to recommend: George Hamilton played an incongruously tan vampire with a poor accent in "Love at First Bite" (1979), who has to try and make it in modern NYC after the Communist government evicts him from his Transylvanian castle.
In a similar vein *bada-bum!* who's heard of plans for a Dracula theme park in Transylvania?

Chestnuts roasted by Smithee once more @ 07/16/2003 05:27 PM EST

Sing it with me:

In the heart of Transylvania,
in the vampire hall of fame yeah,
there's not a vampire zanier than
DUCKULA!

--------------------------

Thats from memory, though I do have an mp3/wav file of it.

I would kill for that show on DVD.

A vegetarian vampire duck who would rather be singing show tunes on broadway whose archnemesis has a giant blimp and has an imaginary friend he talks to. (Cmon.. you never saw Heinreich. He was Helsing's imaginary friend!)

Chestnuts roasted by Bloodcat @ 07/16/2003 06:28 PM EST

I agree with most of the list since I was familiar with most of the Dracs on it(Billy The Kid? wtf).

I'm with you Bloodcat...I'd kill for that DVD too.

Chestnuts roasted by Bigshow71 @ 07/16/2003 07:16 PM EST

I think you can get it from a website called obscuretoons.com but I think it's European regioned.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/16/2003 08:02 PM EST

a. Eddie Munster was a wolf boy. Check the sideburns. Besides, if Homer Simpson says something, you know it's true. He just dressed like a vampire, probably to emulate his swanky grandpa.
b. Photog would murdalize them Cories.
c. I was forced into watching it, but I have to say I enjoyed Dead and Loving it. Renfield was hilarious, and the scene with all the blood in the crypt was priceless. There are plenty of better examples of Mel Brook's fall from grace.
d. I think that by an "MST3K favorite" Matt meant a movie that you love to pop in the VCR & heckle with your own robot pals. What, you don't have any?
e. TripleMr, did you mean Anne Rice?
f. Awesome article, but it spawned an even awesomer blog thread. I love the ones where once the floodgate is opened the memories just come pouring in from all sides. We all rule, and Matt is the benevolent monarch who rules with a gentle but iron clad fist.
g. I hate to beat an undead horse (ooh! I made a funny!) but Count Duckula totally should have been on the list in place of Little Dracula. I have to agree that a Duckula/Danger Mouse feature might just be in order.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/17/2003 07:12 PM EST

I've got several Count Duckula comics I'm looking to get rid of, if anyone's interested...

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 07/17/2003 08:02 PM EST

My God. I completely forgot about Count Duckula. I bet Gizmoduck could have kicked his ass, though. Hooray for me, I'm going to see Metallica tomorrow. I've been waiting my whole life. Wish me luck. Anyway, Matt, bang on proper job. I'm not British, I just love saying "bang on proper" for some reason. Count Duckula Vs. Photog. Think about it!

Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 07/17/2003 08:16 PM EST

Call me crazy, but what about Willem Dafoe in "Shadow of the Vampire". Awesome Dracula (or at least he thought he was).

Chestnuts roasted by Eric @ 07/18/2003 04:09 AM EST