But who knows? Maybe Mattel found out he cheated or something. These days, Photog is about as obscure as it gets, and nobody really knows what happened to the poor guy. The only documentation available came on the last page of the Spring '86 issue of The Masters of the Universe Magazine, so today, we take a look back at that article and try to piece together this incredibly pointless mystery. It's time we found out the truth. Who was Photog?
Believe it or not, the article fills in a lot of blanks. I was just expecting a few congratulatory remarks, and maybe some Nathan-brand quotes where he talks about how Orko is such a funny guy. Apparently, Nathan was awarded a scholarship for 100,000 dollars, plus a five-day trip to California. I dunno, sounds like hush money to me. I can just picture some shady Mattel exec offering the wad of dough to Nathan's family before putting one of those iconic black mouse caps on his head, asking if he'd ever been on Space Mountain. In a flurry of confusion and newfound greed, everyone started signing papers until Photog's promised production was null and void. If that's the case, I hope Nathan had fun at Disneyland. Actually wait, no I don't - that'd mean he screwed the world out of Photog. That blows. I hope the fine print read that the scholarship could be paid out in Monopoly money. Stupid kid.
On Photog, Nathan adds: "I thought the idea of making my character with camera features would be neat." Sounds like something they made him say, all the while waving 100K checks and VIP passes to Epcot which didn't even make sense since Epcot's in Florida. That's his only quote in the article, so I guess he's about as good of an interview as Tara Reid.
Photog's power was said to be the ability to 'focus in' on his enemies before draining their strength. The silhouettes shown on his chestplate are pictures of his fallen foes, proving Photog both a sadist and a pretty skilled photographer. The article closes out with a detailed list of Nate's hobbies, but I stopped reading after I got to 'doing puzzles' since no hobby will ever top THAT. Even though the figure never made it to stores, the kid took in a hundred grand and a week-long date with Mickey for spending a few hours with paper and magic markers. I'd say that's a decent haul. I'm sure the enthusiastic customs artist might be able to make a Photog figure - I'd try it myself, but I'm not a customs artist and I'm usually too busy trying to figure out a way to make plastic edible. That's the story of Photog. I never said it was going to be long.
REPLIES: 2365 comments
Those....bastards.
If I won that contest, and no figure was produced...
I would be drowning my sorrows in a bar asking everyone if they remember me.
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/21/2003 01:43 AM EST
http://he-man.org/prototypes/photog_proto.shtml
Chestnuts roasted by microfiche @ 05/21/2003 03:10 AM EST
Don't forget that some kid won a contest dealing with the live-action movie and the director had to put him on film, so he became Skeletor's staff holder, Pig Boy, for a split second.
Chestnuts roasted by microfiche @ 05/21/2003 03:13 AM EST
First of all, I hope Nathan's family sued Mattel for backing down from their agreement to produce the Photog figure. I believe when one makes a promise to someone, you better damn well keep it or bad karma will ensue.
Having said that, I would like to add that I myself have entered contests that were Disney-related rather than MOTU-related. One was a four pack of tickets to the Pocahontas screening in Central Park, another was screening of Hercules at the New Amsterdam Theater, and I got a free weekend stay at the Disney Resort of my choice (airfare and park admission not included).
Of course, the chances of me winning those conests were fairly greater than most contests where "many will enter, none will win."
Chestnuts roasted by Go Knock Jimmy Down @ 05/21/2003 05:40 AM EST
On the plus side, the figure looks pretty lame and i'm glad i never had to buy a camera headed figure to go with the elephant head od Snout Spout, the extending neck of Mekaneck etc etc
Chestnuts roasted by Junior @ 05/21/2003 07:14 AM EST
Man, Mattel was very idiotic back then. Well, i just hope the 4HM redo photog for the new line. that would be sweer.
Chestnuts roasted by Uncle Dorko @ 05/21/2003 07:18 AM EST
BTW, the very same Nathan Bitner later worked at Bungie Software (till about '99 IIRC) and was one of the lead designers for the early versions of HALO
Chestnuts roasted by Joze @ 05/21/2003 07:34 AM EST
if thats the same person,he actually was starting his own game company,found an artice about it,but the article is several years old however...
http://www.insidemacgames.com/news/story.php?ArticleID=1579
Chestnuts roasted by pogocorpse @ 05/21/2003 10:43 AM EST
I'd say that's a pretty good drawing for an 11-year old. I could only draw stick figures at that age.
Hell, at least Disneyland is something. The only thing I've ever won was a "Bookmaster" T-shirt inside a box of Oreos. They sent it two sizes too big.
Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 05/21/2003 10:52 AM EST
Ooooh man, this would make me so very mad if I were him. Having an action figure you designed yourself at 11 years old would be the greatest! After actually winning a contest where the odds are about one in ten billion, I think you deserve anything they're promising and maybe then some. Even now I'm very mad at Mattel and I wasn't even the one to win.... jerks...
Chestnuts roasted by Toxicity- @ 05/21/2003 11:33 AM EST
I did a yahoo people search on the guy and came up with a 29 yr old living in Chicago or Aurora, IL... the email addresses they have listed are: bitn@quads.uchicago.edu and
nebitner@email.unc.edu ... so if it's him maybe we can ask him his side of the story..
Chestnuts roasted by celery @ 05/21/2003 12:48 PM EST
or he may be in the military...
"Anytime you got other people running around with weapons it complicates the situation. I'm not sure any amount of training will prepare you for that,"said Pfc. Nathan Bitner, 29, of Chicago.
http://www.shaner.us/digilib/02032003/a1/troops.html
Chestnuts roasted by lain @ 05/21/2003 12:59 PM EST
holy crap someone email this kid and make him post here! i cant take the suspense. Long live PHOTOG!
Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 05/21/2003 01:40 PM EST
I emailed those adresses and I am waiting for a response.
Chestnuts roasted by Dondalinger @ 05/21/2003 01:57 PM EST
that rhett kid from the cereal commercial contacted matt. its not out of the realm of possibility that this nathan guy will too.
Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 05/21/2003 02:43 PM EST
Frog Blast the vent core!!!!!
Yes! For too much Bungie information go to The Story Page!
Search pages for photog or bitner if you can't find the references.
http://marathon.bungie.org/story/halo_oct-dec99.html
http://www.he-man.org/site/articles/cac85.shtml
Look photog picture here:
http://bs.bungie.org/mtarchives/cat_sightings.html
Chestnuts roasted by kcghkcg @ 05/21/2003 03:00 PM EST
Hah, looks like the case may soon be solved. :)
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/21/2003 03:12 PM EST
Off-topic, and only slightly fitting in that it's related to MOTU action figures:
http://www.skeletorandgang.tk/
Similar to Matt's photo stories in a way, except in video and dialogue-less.
It's awesome, though I hope the creator won't find out who I am and kill me for publishing the link in such a highly populated place as this.
Chestnuts roasted by kordel @ 05/21/2003 03:31 PM EST
Photog? How odd. Now if they gave him something cool, like an extending elephant snout that shot water and fired caps in his back while he had a giant claw and the other arm was replacable, and he was covered in blue fur and smelled really bad, then you would have a real figure! (Heh, every figure combined into one, cool)
Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 05/21/2003 03:35 PM EST
Wow. Some guy named Tim REALLY hates Nathan Bitner.
REALLY, REALLY hates Nathan Bitner.
This story http://forums.bungie.org/halo/archive4.pl?read=98509 about his experience with Nathan involves such themes as bankruptcy, eviction, HOOKERS, suicide, and not to mention Nathan's stint in a mental home. And the whole joining the army to evade debt collectors.
Do you see what Mattell did to this poor man?!?!
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/21/2003 03:35 PM EST
I think that after this blog session, this Nathan Bitner is gonna become so famous that he will get his own action figure designed after himself. he may even get his own cereal line after this is said and done.
Chestnuts roasted by KoNaX @ 05/21/2003 03:46 PM EST
Well, I've submitted this link to Fark. If it shows up on the front page, maybe someone will be able to give us more information about Mr. Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by FarkFan @ 05/21/2003 03:56 PM EST
More information?
I think I've found out too much already. It seems obvious that he won the contest, got the scholarship, went to UNC Chapel Hill, worked at Bungie for a bit (doing an uneeded job), quit Bungie to start his own company, flopped, then joined the army at age 28.
That's more info than I have on some of my blood relatives.
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/21/2003 04:31 PM EST
"Star Wars Kid" goes mainstream
http://www.cinescape.com/0/editorial.asp?aff_id=0&this_cat=News&action=page&type_id=&cat_id=272956&obj_id=38683
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 05/21/2003 04:33 PM EST
In response to the above...thats what makes this site so much fun. You can learn about something or someone you had no idea existed and then find out EVERYTHING there is to know about them. You have to admit, whether you like it or not, its very unique.
Chestnuts roasted by KoNaX @ 05/21/2003 04:34 PM EST
Well, I wasn't going so far as to say I seriously didn't enjoy it...but on second thought, Nathan Bitner is, from what I've read, a broken man. In the article I linked to, the author says he ran up thousands of dollars of debt on prostitutes. And he didn't even have sex with them.
Is it not odd to find out these sorts of things about some random kid that won a contest?
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/21/2003 04:53 PM EST
I remember entering the contest myself when I was eleven. Very exciting times. Its very very strange to be able to follow the aftermath (so to speak) 16 years later.
Chestnuts roasted by maidenform @ 05/21/2003 05:00 PM EST
Maybe Nathan's life is all like Donnie Darko and Photog appears to him and commands him to not pay his bills and buy hookers.
Chestnuts roasted by Sharky @ 05/21/2003 05:09 PM EST
Ick. This has gotten too sordid for me. It's not as though I expected the kid to never develop secondary sex characteristics or anything like that, but if this guy really is him -- jeez. Just jeez.
Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 05/21/2003 05:32 PM EST
Er, actually, I didn't mean that to sound so judgemental. I've been baking banana bread all afternoon, so it's possible that the domesticity regressed me back to some Pleasantville-esque Donna Reed state of mind.
Still, if THE Nathan Bitner stops by, belated congratulations on your winnings, even if Mattel did dick 'em around on you. :D
Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 05/21/2003 05:39 PM EST
I really hope that the Nathan Bitner of Photog fame is not the same Nathan Bitner I just read about on Bungie. If so, this innocent little blog post has taken a turn for the tragic.
It seems to me that what happened is that getting a free ride through college taught Nathan that he could get a free ride through life. (WRONG) Mattel really did ruin this kid's life.
BTW, the article doesn't say that they sent him to see the mouse, just that he got a trip to California. Betcha dollars to doughnuts they refused to fork over the ca$h to get him into the park, and just schlupped him around Hollywood following a $1 HOMES OF THE STARS map. Weak, Mattel. Really weak.
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/21/2003 07:35 PM EST
Hmm. And what lesson have we learned from the misadventures of the infamous Nathan Bitner?
Is it possible that being passionate about action figures can start the downward spiral into depression, depravity, and debt? Or is it possible that I like alliteration a little too much?
I'm glad collected Lady Lovely Locks instead of MOTU figures like my sister did. Long tailed rats you can wear in your hair! RATS! ;-)
Chestnuts roasted by PaloPinto @ 05/21/2003 07:38 PM EST
Why can't they just put photog in the new MOTU line. It would awesome.
Chestnuts roasted by Patrick N @ 05/21/2003 08:09 PM EST
Wouldn't most of those pictures on his chest be of villains laughing their asses off 'cause they're being attacked by A GUY WITH A CAMERA FOR A HEAD?
You know, I was going to do a websearch for "Nathan Bitner," but you guys saved me a lot of work. Thanks.
... I think.
Chestnuts roasted by ChaosMonkey @ 05/21/2003 08:56 PM EST
Heh, ChaosMonkey, you reminded me of one of the few funny things Adam Sandler did on SNL - the Halloween costumes he did on Weekend Update.
"Hey! I'm CRAZY PLANT ARM! I got a freakin PLANT for an ARM! Gimme some CANDY!"
Hee!
Chestnuts roasted by PaloPinto @ 05/21/2003 09:12 PM EST
Oh dear god! I entered this damn contest! No shit. I did! I totally remember drawing a picture of some figure... I wish I could remember more.
Chestnuts roasted by Colin @ 05/22/2003 12:00 AM EST
mad props to Ed, Joze, celery and everyone on the case; an excerpt from the forum attack by Tim, after the parts about Gemini the Hooker and the eviction notice:
"Bitner, in my opinion, is a pure slacker." He won the goddamn He-man figure design contest at 11 and was a HALO designer! If you're out there Tim, and you made the whole thing up, then I'd think it was actually really creative and kind of funny and suggest that YOU win an award of some kind; like the Japan Airline reader fiction contest where you can have your own short story published in their boring inflight magazine. But if the whole thing is true, than Tim's a bigger jerk than he claims Bitner to be. Maybe he was jealous about Gemini.
(She kind of sounds like a He-man figure herself)
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/22/2003 01:06 AM EST
This is some pretty heavy shit this time; I think I need to go talk to Stinkor and Ram-man for a while
(and Webstor, if I can untangle his damn grappling hook string)
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/22/2003 01:13 AM EST
Anyone know if this guy joined the active army or the reserves? I'm in the Army and I can probably find him, army email, hell probably even his phone number if need be, but I don't want to go tracking down the wrong guy or anything. There are two Nathan Bitner in the Army one active one reserves.
Chestnuts roasted by edthacow @ 05/22/2003 02:32 AM EST
Everybody's gotta read the thing Ed Franklin dug up on Nathan "Photog" Bitner; it's long as hell but it's possibly the most interesting biography on a human being I've ever seen; even includes what may be a post by the guy on some unknown Irish band's fan site. Everything's pointing to this one guy isn't it- the He-man mag article says 11yr old Nathan is from Illinois, Private Nathan of the above infamy is of Chicago...
Chestnuts roasted by The Big Bopper @ 05/22/2003 02:50 AM EST
Maybe if they put Photog in the new line of He-Man toys, it will give Nathan the real strength he needs to do something real with his life.
Y'know, if he doesn't like get that from the army.
Chestnuts roasted by Steve @ 05/22/2003 04:03 AM EST
umm...Chicago is the capital of Illinois...
Chestnuts roasted by Rosy @ 05/22/2003 04:31 AM EST
That's the point; his native Naperville is in Illinois too--people who screw up as royally as Nathan allegedly did tend to end up pretty much in or near their spawning ground (or maybe it's just something in the water there!)
Chestnuts roasted by The Big Bopper @ 05/22/2003 04:48 AM EST
I dunno, I think it might be the same kid. Does anyone have a map? How close is Naperville to Chicago?
What are the odds of two Nathan Bitners living so close to each other? The ages even match up pretty well. If he was 11 in '86 that'd put him at 28 in '03, and he was listed as a 29-year old during the Iraq war on that one website.
Coincidence?
Chestnuts roasted by Rosy @ 05/22/2003 05:03 AM EST
It's gotta be the same kid
I hope he and Photog are draining the enemies' powers and restoring order to that troubled region.
Chestnuts roasted by The Big Bopper @ 05/22/2003 05:20 AM EST
Wait a minute...this kid was 11 years old back then right? Well I read that tiny print article and it said he was in eighth grade. EIGHTH!!! That means by the time he graduated he would have been 15. Something is totally fishy here.
Chestnuts roasted by Quigley @ 05/22/2003 08:30 AM EST
I know of a few people who graduated when they were fifteen, Quigley, and started university when they were sixteen. In my freshman year of university, I was dating a sixteen year old (I graduated when I was sixteen and had just turned seventeen, so no cradle-snatching there ;) ). It's really not that uncommon; you don't have to be a child genius to do that -- just a Not-A-Dunce.
Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 05/22/2003 09:35 AM EST
Napierville is just a 'burb of Chicago (15 miles?). Kids from there say they're from Chicago 'cuz they don't want to explain where Napierville is.
btw, Chicago isn't the capital of Illinois. Springfield is. GO DOWNSTATE!
Chestnuts roasted by Wacky Chewbacky @ 05/22/2003 09:46 AM EST
New figures for MOTU:
Nathan Bit-man
Heroic & Master of Strategy!
(with disappearing magic trick)
Gemini
Sleeps with Evil!
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/22/2003 10:24 AM EST
Oh my god, i found him. Nathan Bitner is alive and well and working on the independent wrestling circuit. He is currently wrestling under the alias El Diablo Silverado with New Midwest Wrestling in Springfield Illinois (www.newmidwest.com). He is very good i have seen him. By the way, the logo on the ass of his tights is the Photog Chest Emblem!
OTB
Chestnuts roasted by Outside The Box @ 05/22/2003 12:25 PM EST
Yes !! Go downstate ! Go Peoria!
Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 05/22/2003 01:45 PM EST
If there is a blog conversation out there like this about ME, and I found out about it....
I would go crazy....Howard Hughes style...
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/22/2003 02:56 PM EST
From the He-Man.org site :
"Runners-up included Ricky Ardmore (Eye Beam), Josette d'Ambrosi (Netta), John Rowe (Compactor), and Ricky Stafford (Brainwave)."
Anyone feel like finding some dirt on these contest runner-ups? (Notice there is one chick in that list...if she turns out to be "Gemini" then my head will explode).
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/22/2003 02:59 PM EST
Ricky Stafford? Shit, that guy killed my grandma.
Whatta contest.
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/22/2003 03:00 PM EST
you guys are freakin out over how trashy this guys life is but just think of how many nathen bitners there could be out there? type in your first and last name in google.com and you'll probably wind up with a few yourselves.
Chestnuts roasted by Summah Brace @ 05/22/2003 03:08 PM EST
I totally entered this contest w/ some friends and we SWORE up and down that they stole our idea: comets (or eggs, i can't remember) that turned into figures. Stonedar anyone?
Chestnuts roasted by Charles @ 05/22/2003 03:16 PM EST
Yeah, Summah is right. There are at least 707 people with the exact same name as me.
Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 05/22/2003 03:16 PM EST
Oh, we are talking the same person. There was a Nathan Bitner that worked for Bungie, and on the site they make a reference to his Photog creation. All the other information was from the bungie site. Believe me it's the same guy, the web trail is water-tight.
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/22/2003 03:25 PM EST
There’s only one way to solve this mystery for sure. We all pool our money and hire a private investigator.
When the private investigator, preferably someone named Lomax, shows up dead with bizarre symbols carved into his body, we will know we are on the right trail.
By that point we will each need to set up a love interest for ourselves, the rest will fall into place.
Chestnuts roasted by Steve @ 05/22/2003 03:36 PM EST
I think that one chick IS the hooker...Freeeeeaky.
Chestnuts roasted by Onslaught Six (Where's the He-Man Happy Meal article?!) @ 05/22/2003 03:45 PM EST
Wow, what a bizarre story. I entered this contest when I was 5 years old. My character blew bubbles which he used to capture the enemies in. I called him "Bubble Man". Sure it's not the best idea ever, but I bet he could whip Moss Man.
Chestnuts roasted by Goggles Pizano @ 05/22/2003 05:18 PM EST
www.angelfire.com/scifi2/mandalorian/diablostickfa.html
check out the other stuff on this site, does it go with the rest of the mystery ??
Chestnuts roasted by matthew @ 05/22/2003 05:32 PM EST
Really, who couldn't whip Mossman?
Chestnuts roasted by The Nate Meng Show @ 05/22/2003 06:23 PM EST
I don't think that the wrestler is the same guy. His angelfire site says he was born in '82, which would only make him 20 or 21...
Chestnuts roasted by The Nate Meng Show @ 05/22/2003 06:27 PM EST
That site is cool, but proves it is not him. The guy there claims to be born in 1982. Unless he's lying about his age we're on a wild goose chase. Mmmm..... geese.
Chestnuts roasted by deadfiller @ 05/22/2003 06:29 PM EST
I agree with Ed; Which means OUR Nathan Bitner should still be in the Army. But how about this: he tires of the trooper's life, gets an honorable discharge (shouldn't be too hard with his history of mental disorder), and heads right back to Illinois to lie about his age and 'rassle? It just sounds so...so, Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/22/2003 07:52 PM EST
WTF!?!? Leave me alone!!!!
Chestnuts roasted by Fearless Photog @ 05/22/2003 08:19 PM EST
Shut up!!! You don't exist!!! i created you!!! NOOOOOO!!! MOMMYYYYY!!!!!! *gurgle* *splort*
Chestnuts roasted by Nathan Bitner @ 05/22/2003 08:20 PM EST
Somebody's gotta go down to Springfield or wherever to see this El Diablo Silverado wrestle, look for the Photog chest thing on his ass, make like to get an autograph after the match, and just up and ask him
Chestnuts roasted by The Big Bopper @ 05/22/2003 08:22 PM EST
whoa
Chestnuts roasted by The Big Bopper @ 05/22/2003 08:25 PM EST
Ha! So Bitner! I'm gonna use that in my daily life now. "So, you got Munsoned out in the middle of nowhere? Man, that is so Bitner." Oh yeah, that's sweet.
Chestnuts roasted by Atompowerd @ 05/22/2003 10:22 PM EST
chicago isn't the capitol of illinois.
Chestnuts roasted by whatup @ 05/22/2003 11:16 PM EST
ROFLMAO!!!
Oh god...this shit is just too funny. The whole thing by Ed Franklin, "Anyone feel like finding some dirt on these contest runner-ups? (Notice there is one chick in that list...if she turns out to be "Gemini" then my head will explode).", was freakin' awesome. I was laughing my ass off for a good 5 minutes.
But that would be freaky if that other girl in the contest was that Gemini chick. Just goes to show you: Don't fuck with Mattel- they'll ruin your life.
-Boglin
Chestnuts roasted by Boglin @ 05/23/2003 12:52 AM EST
I don't remember the contest very well, but what I do remember is photog. I don't know how, but I remember seeing the winning entry shown after an episode of Masters of the Univers (I think, it's really blurry) I also remember a while before that, sitting in the kitchen drawing what I though would be the winning entry (all I remember on specifics is he was completely yellow) Not that any of you care, but I just needed to post on a thread running this long.
Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 05/23/2003 02:32 AM EST
Ahh yes, Photog, the long missing Atog....
Chestnuts roasted by Black Zarak @ 05/23/2003 03:03 AM EST
It's just one of those names that rolls right off the tongue, isn't it; J. Edgar Hoover, Monica Lewinsky, Nathan Bitner...I have a feeling this poor slug's name is to become a household word among us all, along with Photog and Gemini the Hooker
Sort of curious; just what kind of competition did Josette and the two Rickies' pose to Photog anyway?
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/23/2003 03:19 AM EST
Hey anybody, any poop on the Pig Boy kid who won the right to hold Skeletor's staff?
Chestnuts roasted by Saving Private Bitner @ 05/23/2003 03:24 AM EST
Okay so I was wrong about the capital of Illinois. Sue me, I live in Oklahoma.
Chestnuts roasted by Rosy @ 05/23/2003 04:39 AM EST
My my my...words cannot begin to describe the awesomeness of this endeavor.
The Internet Age is truly a golden era for mankind.
Chestnuts roasted by Sammich King @ 05/23/2003 05:12 AM EST
yes, living in Oklahoma is grounds for a lawsuit :)
don't know which is worse, everyone rushing out to get the dirt on this guy or me reading through all 78 comments dealing with him.....oi vey!
Chestnuts roasted by Kano @ 05/23/2003 05:25 AM EST
Pigboy's name is Richard Szponder. He may or may not be a Dean at some school in IL. Google didn't turn up much info on him.
Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 05/23/2003 05:38 AM EST
This is so freaking scary. It's got to be the same guy. I mean come on, who else is going to come up with that logo? and he'a already got the insanity, and the fighting-ness from the army. Someone go down there and find the guy! I would, but I'm not even in the country. Reminds me of Forest Gump a little. Such a full life: wins a contest, helps design Halo, joins the army, becomes a wrestler, has a 80 (and still going) post long blog about him.....a full life indeed. I hope that I've had such a full life when I'm an insane wrestler with a camera for a head.
Chestnuts roasted by Beep @ 05/23/2003 07:22 AM EST
The Forrest Gump analogy really fits, but I doubt Nathan's tale will end nearly as pleasant and tingly as Forrest's; and we're assuming that he's stuck to wrestling and not gone and done something else, like star in gay porn or be launched into space or something
BTW, was Photog supposed to DO anything? Like pop blast caps off of his ass or spray water?
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/23/2003 09:19 AM EST
You know.... looking at the wrestling picture, and looking at his picture after winning the contest.. it could be him... all scrawny big headed. I think it could be him. Left the army, and went back home to wrestle. Probably met up with some mexican that tought him to wrestle in the army... he took that skill to avenge his mexican friends death.
Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 05/23/2003 09:24 AM EST
I think he's already become a household name. I will henceforth write songs and sonnets about the tragic triumph of Nathan Bitner.
"Alas, poor Bitner, I knew you not
Your life was tainted with Mattel blot. Did find Ms. Gemini to be hot? (I'm glad you didn't get crotch rot.)"
/Classic Shakespearean Sonnet
Chestnuts roasted by Slacker @ 05/23/2003 10:35 AM EST
MARK OF THE UNICORN
Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 05/23/2003 12:29 PM EST
Well, in the novel, Forrest ends up having Jenny leave him after taking a dive in his professional wrestling career, and he doesn't end up a millionaire. But he does have a monkey. In the movie, he gets rich, marries Jenny, and then she dies of AIDS and leaves him with a son to raise. Niether ending is exactly froo-froo bunnies and mice in little feetie pajamas singing 'Good Ship Lollipop'. But there is a wrestling connection. The plot thickens.
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/23/2003 12:54 PM EST
This is, by far, the best Blog thread yet. Who knew Photog could inspire such an investigation?
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/23/2003 12:58 PM EST
Well, I'm in the Army, and its keeping me away from this trail of this mystery...Someone get a hold of Robert Stack and...oh, never mind....
Hmmm, and now that this case is finally breaking Robert Stack ends up dead...that is so Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by Whitemale_98 @ 05/23/2003 01:15 PM EST
Lol I love this site :) this is nuts :D
biggs
Chestnuts roasted by Kiften @ 05/23/2003 01:50 PM EST
Well if I can get the chance I will go check out the wrestleing and try to talk to El Diablo ( I live about an hour from Springfield ). I will see what I can find out. If he declines to comment, I'll just say "that is sooo Bitner" Maybe I'll print off a copy of the contest winner announcement and ask him for his autograph.
Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 05/23/2003 02:05 PM EST
then what if he breaks down and starts crying, soaking his El Diablo face mask in tears? poor bitner......maybe he just wants to be left alone in his Mattel induced misery........nah, i like the contest winner autograph thing better.
Chestnuts roasted by Neko @ 05/23/2003 02:42 PM EST
There is no doubt this is the funniest thing i ever have seen on blog. Photog to Gemini the Nathan Bitner story. I wonder if Photog is a secret charcter in Halo
Chestnuts roasted by wedgie @ 05/23/2003 02:58 PM EST
i bet matt had no idea we'd be this easy to entertain.
Chestnuts roasted by neko @ 05/23/2003 03:14 PM EST
My God. I bet none of us are right in the head. Myself included. Nathan Bitner will be my new name in Halo. I will scream to all "Fear the rage of Nathan Bitner!" It seems so right. I'm off to make an enormous camera mask, go to Springfield, and start wrestling. Photog versus Nathan Bitner. A match for the ages.
Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 05/23/2003 03:18 PM EST
By the way, do painted green Kryptonite rocks hurt Nathan Bitner or The Fearless Photog?
Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 05/23/2003 03:21 PM EST
Oh man this is so funny!! I just emailed El Diablo and asked if he was Nathan Bitner of Photog fame. I'll let you all know when I get a reply.
Chestnuts roasted by The Mc @ 05/23/2003 03:25 PM EST
What a surprise to be reading thru X-E and see myself mentioned!
Hello all, I am Mandalorian30. That is my website, and my customs. I also wrestle here in Springfield, IL under the name El Diablo Silverado.
I can assure you all that I am not Photog! I don't even have a symbol on the ass of my tights! LOL! Sorry for the dissapointment!
Just trying to help you all out with your investigation. Outside the Box, the guy who said I was Photog, is actually a friend of mine. He just pointed this out to me. Although I do have to thank him for brining traffic to my website!
Thanks to all those who checked out and complemented on my site! And, you guys should definatly come to the next NMW show! Sorry to dissapoint you all.
Hopefully your investigation will will prove to be a success!
Chestnuts roasted by Mandalorian30 (aka El Diablo Silverado) @ 05/23/2003 03:28 PM EST
By the way, my real name is Dan. Not Nathan! ;)
Chestnuts roasted by Mandalorian30 (El Diablo Silverado) @ 05/23/2003 03:29 PM EST
The plot thickens...
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/23/2003 03:30 PM EST
Photog brings back such bitter memories. I remember entering this MOTU contest. I submitted my concept of a guy with a man's body and elephant head who would be the local fireman in Eternia. Soon after I received my consolation prize (a mini-comic and Teela refrigerator magnet), Snout Spout made his appearance. Now I'm sure mine wasn't the most ground-breaking of ideas, but the coincidence still has me pissed off all these years after the fact.
Chestnuts roasted by Wade @ 05/23/2003 03:54 PM EST
Bitner's comment on the irish band site. Apparently he's a big fan of Andrea Corr... his message is at the bottom:
http://www.geocities.com/corrscorral/andrea.htm
Knowing Bitner he will marry this woman, become the bands manager, become addicted to heroin, go to rehab, find jesus, join a cult... etc.
Chestnuts roasted by McDLT @ 05/23/2003 04:12 PM EST
Darn you Matt! You sneak! I wanted to be the hundreth post! Oh well
Nathan Bitner Photog Nathan Bitner Nathan Bitner Nathan Bitner Nathan Bitner ape juice Nathan Bitner Photog Nathan six breasts Bitner Photog six breasts Nathan Bitner Nathan Bitner Nathan six breasts Bitner ape juice Nathan Bitner ape juice Nathan six breasts Bitner Nathan Bitner Photog Nathan Bitner six breasts ape juice Nathan Bitner Photog six breasts Nathan Bitner Photog Nathan ape juice Bitner Photog Nathan ape juice Bitner six breasts Nathan Bitner
Chestnuts roasted by six breasts @ 05/23/2003 04:40 PM EST
Living in Ohio is no excuse for ignorance. That is so Bitner of you.
Chestnuts roasted by Tessie @ 05/23/2003 04:52 PM EST
Sorry 'six breasts,' didn't mean to pull a Bitner on you.
Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/23/2003 04:57 PM EST
I was soooo pissed off when this kid won that contest. I sent in 4 different figure ideas for that thing, and didnt even make it to the top five. Besides the kid who won, there was an eyeball with arms and legs that was in the top designs. WTF? I swear those fuckers at hasbro stole one of my ideas... I made a plant guy...monts later Mossman came out... conicidence???
Chestnuts roasted by robosushi @ 05/23/2003 05:17 PM EST
I can't belive they chose THAT thing over MY contest entry. *Holds up an "action figure" which is really a mousetrap with googly eyes glued to it and Barbie Doll legs on the bottom* See? See? He's TRAP MAN! He traps people...with his trap...and....oh...never mind.
Chestnuts roasted by COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST?! @ 05/23/2003 05:30 PM EST
Dude, I totally remember the eyeball guy - they actually made a character pretty similar to him named "Optik" for the crappy HE-MAN toyline they put out later. I entered like nine characters and was a runner-up. Got a Fright Zone playset.
Good times ...
Chestnuts roasted by Hotspur @ 05/23/2003 05:45 PM EST
Is anyone trying to get an exclusive interveiw?
Every since I read this blog I've been basing any decisions as "what would Bitner do?" I need closure, I need the truth before my life spirals down into nothingness and everything becomes so Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by Seigfreid's Cheese @ 05/23/2003 05:53 PM EST
Hmm...some digging on the he-man.org website has uncovered yet another wrinkle on this story. Remember how one of the runner-up characters was called "Netta" -- it sure as hell looks like she showed up a few years later in the She-Ra toy line as "Netossa." You be the judge.
Chestnuts roasted by Strange Interlude @ 05/23/2003 06:16 PM EST
Oooooookayyyyy....
Let's run-down on the skinny:
1. Mattel ruins lives
2. Nathan Bitner got spoiled
3. Nathan Bitner is not a wrestler
4. Mattel sucks at picking winners
And most importantly,
5. A new catchphrase!!
Okay, now EVERYONE go forth and spread the word... I SAID SPREAD IT!! Hopefully with the tens of people who have input here, maybe we can reach the pinnacle, and have Randy Jackson quote it...
"Yo, dawg. Dude, wha' happened, man? Dawg, you were like rockin' then you sucked out there dude. You were like so Bitner, dawg."
Thanks to KrappyKat for the phrase!
Chestnuts roasted by Prezkot @ 05/23/2003 06:20 PM EST
Okay the whole Bitner catchphrase thing is very funny but when we get Matt to say it, its just that much funnier. Oh and Prezkot, I will be vigilant and will be spreading the word to all who can hear me. This is sooooo Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 05/23/2003 07:21 PM EST
Ok, but let's not run it into the ground. We don't want "That is so Bitner" to become the next "Show me the money!"... You have to use restraint, like for example if you have a friend that enters a silly contest, wins and then years later becomes 50k in debt and becomes suicidal. Wait until you have to pick him up at the mental hospital, THEN bust out a Bitner on his ass.
Chestnuts roasted by McDLT @ 05/23/2003 07:33 PM EST
definition of Bitner--
Bitner: 1.adj (or noun); having achieved brief infamy or success, then proceeding to fail or bungle colossally at one or more careers or activities, partaking of a rampage of self-destruction and ruin, then moving on to something completely random and wierd, to the amazement of all.
2.the fetish of hiring and interacting with but not having sex with a prostitute
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/23/2003 07:39 PM EST
Let's not all be too disappointed by Bitner not being El Diablo Silverado; after all, real sleuths like us are out to get the truth, even if it means your mark isn't a masked pro-wrestler in Illnois.
So maybe he's still in the army; imagine the hilarious hijinx he's pulling THERE!
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/23/2003 07:47 PM EST
Damn you yahoo, was all set to make "nathanbitnersghost" one of my online names...apparently its a vulgar name...that is sooooo bitn...wait, need to show restraint.
Show me the money!
Crap thats no good either...
Chestnuts roasted by Whitemale_98 @ 05/23/2003 08:37 PM EST
The real mystery here is how Photog managed to win the contest, not whatever happened to baby Nathan. If you do find him, ask him what kinda stupid name Photog is or why he has those crappy powers that would never help anyone. Oh wait, he was supposed to be a MOTU, I get it.
Chestnuts roasted by ineptitude @ 05/23/2003 10:07 PM EST
If he IS still in the Army, I betcha by now it's a catch phrase over there too;
"Atten--HUT!!"
"What's your story, dog-face?!"
"Sir, I won the national spelling bee, became an Indian chief, was arrested by bounty hunters for credit card fraud and chose the Army over jail, sir!"
"What's your name, private?!"
"Sir, the private's name is Smith, sir!"
"BULLSHIT! From now on you're Private BITNER!!"
(sorry, couldn't resist:)
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/23/2003 10:21 PM EST
I'm guessing it's like those tribal peoples who think that getting their picture taken will steal their souls or something. So if he has a camera for a head, does it mean he's a robot? And would he be a He-Man Slime do or don't?
Chestnuts roasted by The Big Bopper @ 05/23/2003 10:36 PM EST
If Nathan Bitner or Photog shows up in Megatokyo, I'll chop off my ex-boyfriends' naughty parts, boil 'im in motor oil, and send them to China for aphrodesiacs.
Chestnuts roasted by Dio Maxwelle @ 05/24/2003 12:06 AM EST
I'm feeling rather Bitner right now...I was too old in 85 to play with my MOTU toys but I remember seeing that contest. Poor guy. We need to turn up some more info on him and try to get that protoype out of the mattel vaults and back in to Bitner's life. This could be the thing that turns him around!
Chestnuts roasted by TikiBob @ 05/24/2003 12:10 AM EST
Well, here I thought the Serifan Raziel Soul Reaver figure was going the way of the Photog figure but I have new hope for ol' Phoggy as Blue Box or whatever just came out with S.Raz just recently.
Oddly enough, I first found out about this website from "The Lost Worlds", a Legacy of Kain website, that also had a lil blurb on the action figures. Amazing how life turns full circle....(damn Legacy of Kain references).
Chestnuts roasted by Dio Maxwelle @ 05/24/2003 12:30 AM EST
I remember entering that contest as a kid. My action figure was named Magnet-Man, and...well, he was a big walking magnet, basically. The action figure wouldn't have been too hard, just make a regular figure and stick a couple magnets in him, instant fun. For some reason he had big googly eyes too.
Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Henderson @ 05/24/2003 01:52 AM EST
So..have you guys been here researching since this went up or what?
Chestnuts roasted by Black Zarak @ 05/24/2003 01:55 AM EST
Alright...
Enough bitching about it! I've decided to do something about this... now you can too!
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/petition-sign.cgi?photog01
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/24/2003 02:21 AM EST
or, rather....
http://www.petitiononline.com/photog01/petition.html
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/24/2003 02:22 AM EST
I signed it. Let's hope something comes out of it. After all this, I think that Mattel could make a good bit of cash off of Photog if they make it.
Chestnuts roasted by extraordinarymagnitude @ 05/24/2003 03:16 AM EST
Petition = signed.
The army thing is SOOO funny. I could so see that happening.
Chestnuts roasted by Rosy @ 05/24/2003 03:48 AM EST
This plot thickens more than I can even describe.. To anyone wanting alot of Bitner information just do a google groups search on him and you won't be disappointed at what you find... Some highlights include Bitner's thoughts on Serbia to his thoughts on bipolar disorder.. go figure.
Chestnuts roasted by Some guy that know's way to much on Bitner @ 05/24/2003 04:05 AM EST
Gozer:
Sorry 'six breasts,' didn't mean to pull a Bitner on you.
Posted by Matt @ 05/23/2003 04:57 PM EST
Additional definition for Bitner:
3. To wrongfully deprive another of something, either via fraud, misrepresentation, or complete bat-shit insanity
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/24/2003 04:08 AM EST
I signed it. Lets finally get Bitner the justice he deserves!
Chestnuts roasted by Tessie @ 05/24/2003 07:36 AM EST
Deeming this poor lad a failure is a bit harsh, don't you think? Without knowing everything that was going on, that's just a bit judgemental.
Go, Nathan! Don't listen to the nay-sayers...
Chestnuts roasted by Cabbitroid @ 05/24/2003 10:00 AM EST
It says Bitner was he-man of the issue he is more like he-man with issues, but who wouldnt be after all they ended using some of the runners up but not the winner's creation. Mattel is lucky he didnt go shoot up a toys'r'us.Im sure he told all his friends at school about his figure and they probably thought it was stupid and then beat him up for it, and u know his know nickname was photog poor guy. now its being discussed by a bunch of people with nothing better to do on the net. Poor Bitner
Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 05/24/2003 10:12 AM EST
Seriously, though; can you imagine if this built up into some sort of cult status issue and Mattel did a limited run of Photog nearly twenty years after conception?
Photog could end up being the next dark horse Boba Fett. Sure, you laugh -- but the fact that there's an original Boba Fett phenomenon is innately a little weird too.
Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 05/24/2003 11:51 AM EST
I have heard ENOUGH....I'm off to make my most AWESOME custom to date:
"Fearless Bitner" with "Sexless Prostitute Companion"
Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/24/2003 12:35 PM EST
I signed the petition...
Make sure 'Gemini' has a Gemini zodiac symbol on her ass, since we all thought El Dorado or whatever had a Fearless Photog on his ass.
Also make sure Bitner's accessories include a Corrs' album and many failed bank loans. Ha Ha
Chestnuts roasted by Prezkot @ 05/24/2003 01:23 PM EST
........LOL....and possibly some empty baggies. I'm also playing with the idea of a voice chip accessory:
"NEVER trust a Mattel rep"
"how much for a blo...I mean a CONVERSATION?"
and
"I ain't payin' back SHIT!...I created Fearless Photog you PRICKS!!"
God.......
Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/24/2003 02:07 PM EST
petition??.....Did I miss a post??
Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/24/2003 02:08 PM EST
More people need to sign this petition. Get the word out, masses!! I know I'd buy this figure.... This's all so damned exciting, I could kick someone in the nuts.
Anyone know a band? I'd kick ass if someone like Smashmouth, Linkin Park or Barenaked Ladies did a song about this and it went on the top 20 or something.
Chestnuts roasted by Dio Maxwelle @ 05/24/2003 03:35 PM EST
I signed the petition. Peace and long life Nathan Bitner...
Chestnuts roasted by BotchieGulpe @ 05/24/2003 03:57 PM EST
... Woah. This entry has taken so many different twists and turns, My brain is all hurty. XD
Seriously though, from some of the stuff I've read, this is pretty sad. =( Maybe if they have a Photog in the new line, maybe that will bring ol' Bitner out of seclusion. Who knows? *shrug*
Chestnuts roasted by mekairinek @ 05/24/2003 04:19 PM EST
The petition is open until the end of June, after which I will email a letter and the petition results.
I am hoping we get at least a couple hundred sigs....
Spread the word to forums, friends, blogs, webmasters, and nerdy doll collectors!!
(At the very least maybe we could get some kind of limited edition run out of this.)
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/24/2003 04:59 PM EST
Oh man... if they actually did end up making a Photog figure, I'd definately buy it. I haven't bought an action figure in years, but god damn, how cool would it be to have fucking PHOTOG sitting on one of my monitors while I work all day.
Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 05/24/2003 06:01 PM EST
It would be pretty kick ass to have a Photog figure sitting on your desk at work...you figure it would drive every guy in there between the age of about 22-27 thinking to themselves, "Why the hell does that action figure seem so vaguely familiar?"
As far as the army angle, if (PFC?)Nathan Bitner were ever stationed in Korea, all he would've had to do was show a merchant a picture of Fearless Photog and they would've found a way to make it.
No matter your opinion of Photog's ability to be a hero, he can't be any worse than Man-At-Arms...
Suck on that Duncan!
Chestnuts roasted by Whitemale_98 @ 05/24/2003 06:27 PM EST
Oh geez..You know, I'm too young to really remember MotU, but this is by far the greatest thing I have ever read. I've been laughing my ass off for the last fifteen minutes reading through all these posts..
Chestnuts roasted by JRockBishi @ 05/24/2003 06:48 PM EST
I don't know if this is just some strange coincedence, but driving to lunch today, I saw a suv w/ "we miss you cpl bitner!" written in soap on the back window.
Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 05/24/2003 06:49 PM EST
I say the petition AIN'T ENOUGH! Let's all start a fund to raise money for tee shirts with:
"Nathan Bitner: Sorry Mattel Fucked You Bro"
printed on the front! Then we can all wear 'em on the front lawn of the Mattel headquarters! Yeah!
Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/24/2003 07:54 PM EST
How about a "sequel" to the live-action MOTU movie in homage to Nathan? We'll call it:
"MOTU 2: Bitner Bites Back"
The climactic final scene will feature a dude dressed as an early 80s' Mattel CEO being sodomized by Fearless Photog! I bet it'd get RAVE reviews, whaddya' think?
Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/24/2003 08:00 PM EST
Create-A-Character Contest 2003!!
My entry:
EVIL TWO-HEADED WARRIOR "Greed-Or/Lie-Or"
Dwells in the sewers of Mattel, inc. Often goes by alias "Human Waste Sausagesukker" Responds ONLY to the sounds of folding bills. WARNING: Has NO shame OR conscience.
.....I'm with you Bitner......
Chestnuts roasted by BitterBitner @ 05/24/2003 08:10 PM EST
Hey, uh, did anyone see that this post is featured at Metafilter? Someone might have mentioned it before, I'm not sure... Anyway, I've just only now taken the labor to read that bungie link- only to find that most of those Bitner shenanigans were going on right in my back yard! Sheesh, to be so close to the legend and not even know it, damn!
Chestnuts roasted by BotchieGulpe @ 05/24/2003 08:22 PM EST
I think that this Bitner forum should stay open until he finaly comes on himself and explains why his life has sucked for 17 years. I've been thinking about Bitner WAY too much the last few days...aarrggghhh...I think I'm going insane!!!! Someone please find this guy!!!!
Chestnuts roasted by Nialler @ 05/24/2003 08:37 PM EST
But will the great Nathan Bitner even have a clue of all we've been doing for/to him since this started?
Matt, there should be some sort of Hall of Fame on the site for people like Bitner;
he played a role (however moot) in one of the toy lines that entertained our generation, even he turned into a one-man trainwreck in the process. Bitner's done a lot for us these past couple of days
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/24/2003 08:50 PM EST
he played a part in something that was important to US when we were greedy little sugar-rushed pups- He wasn't Corey Haim; he was one of the kids who people like us went to school with and traded M.U.S.C.L.E.s with; We could've been Nathan Bitner (well, except for the stuff about prostitutes, bankrupcy, suicide, eviction, the Army, HALO; most of us tend to just choose one of the above)
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/24/2003 09:05 PM EST
I'm betting Bitner will read all this and commit suicide over all this fuss you're making for him.
Chestnuts roasted by Go Knock Jimmy Down @ 05/24/2003 09:11 PM EST
Hey Krappy Kat, Whaddya' mean WHEN we traded M.U.S.C.L.E.s?? Trading M.U.S.C.L.E.s STILL is my no.1 hobby! Whoo~Hoo!!
Chestnuts roasted by He-Ro @ 05/24/2003 09:18 PM EST
....Fuck "Fearless Photog", how 'bout a NATHAN BITNER figure?
Chestnuts roasted by Loo-Zerr @ 05/24/2003 09:19 PM EST
Yea...he could have all the necessary accessories....bouncing chequebooks, eviction notices etc...could also set off a spin-off line of pimps and hookers. Imagine the playset?
Chestnuts roasted by Nialler @ 05/24/2003 09:35 PM EST
Nialler, That'd be AWESOME! I'd fo' SHO buy the "Nathan Bitner Pimp N' Ho Playset"! I hope it would come with "crack rocks", ala Bravestarr Kerium! (Is that reference TOO vague??.....)
Chestnuts roasted by Fatog @ 05/24/2003 11:32 PM EST
Fatog: Nah, that ref. wasn't too vauge. *LMFAO!*
Chestnuts roasted by mekairinek @ 05/25/2003 12:02 AM EST
This is pretty off topic, but whatever. Seeing as how pretty much all of us here seem to be He-Man fans, I thought you'd be interested.
Has anyone else here heard Brandon DiCamillo's (he's one of the guys from the Jackass gang) freestyle tracks? He does a lot of stuff dealing with Skeletor and He-Man. On the last CKy movie there was a Beastman and Skeletor music video, which was probably the best part of the video. There are a few tracks on the CD Otimen Recording Hell with Skeletor and others. They're hilarious. If anyone's interested you can either find them yourself on Kazaa or email me (there's a link to my email on my website, click my name) and I'll give you a link to them. I also have the Beastman and Skeletor music video.
Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 05/25/2003 12:28 AM EST
I had a scary thought while having a shower just then - what if I was actually this elusive Nathan Bitner and didn't know it? What if Mattel used their cronnies in the White House to kidnap me many years ago and brainwash me into thinking that I was a 19 year old eurasian, English student living in Australia? It would get Bitner out of the way so he wouldn't complain about his figure not being made. I mean, I look nothing like the guy in the photo, but plastic surgery is pretty revolutionary nowadays. And I'm far too young, but that could just be my "programmed" age. Because seriously, that Photon picture did look familiar somehow, maybe it was the Natahn Bitner in me yearning for his past glories? Any one of us could be Bitner.
Or, conversley, maybe they cloned Nathan Bitner (he obviously can't have sex, so would not be able to produce his own offspring) in order to create a breed of "Super Action Figure Designers"? Any one of us could be a Bitner clone, a "Solid Bitner" or "Liquid Bitner". Or even the dreaded "Solidus Bitner", neither Solid or Liquid, but a well balanced masterpiece. This is all very Zen.
Chestnuts roasted by Panic Rush Attack @ 05/25/2003 12:58 AM EST
Photog... sounds like a bloody Magic the gathering creature to me
Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 05/25/2003 01:22 AM EST
You mean I go out for a night of fun and I come back and this unsolved mystery still remains...you know, I met someone who met the Pope, so I'm only two degrees of seperation away from the Pope...my point being well over a hundred posts and there is nobody out there who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows Nathan Bitner...how can no body knows this guy?..of course, 95 of these posts are from the same 5 people...sorry for the frustration...this is beyond bitner...
On the plus side, I got some ass...yay me...and no, it wasn't Gemini...I got bills to pay...of course so did Bitner and it didn't stop him.
Chestnuts roasted by Whitemale_98 @ 05/25/2003 02:22 AM EST
I think the whole Photog name was Bitner's attempt at being clever, actually. Because it's a Photog(raphy) monster based on photography equpiment. I don't know why Photog's Fearless though. He probably should have been.
Chestnuts roasted by Random Observationist @ 05/25/2003 02:41 AM EST
You know this site is the number 10 Nathan Bitner site on Google?
We can so make it to number 1.
Chestnuts roasted by Panic Rush Attack @ 05/25/2003 02:42 AM EST
I wonder if Bitner used Photog to record his sordid sexual exploits with the hookers? All Bob Crane style.
Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 05/25/2003 02:48 AM EST
I found a picture of Nathan Bitner!
http://www.elecplay.com/interview.html?article=5890
Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Henderson @ 05/25/2003 03:39 AM EST
At least,Photog looked cooler than Fisto.
Chestnuts roasted by Ammer Thompson @ 05/25/2003 03:53 AM EST
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!
Read the article linked by Jeremy, it's fucking wonderful!
Some Bitner quotes:
"Oh, yeah, and most importantly, I want a cult following."
"Development is a team process--whether it's a new CEO, a texture artist, or a physics programmer. And give me back my black T-shirt. You know who you are." (I'm guessing he is refering to Gemini :)
"Currently, our newest addition is concept artist Gemini (she refuses to answer to her first name, and I'm not pushing her), and she has done some of the most unique color concept art I have ever seen." (OMFG! OMFG! OMFG!!!!)
Thank you, thank you Jeremy for this awesome article. This opens a WHOLE new dimension of Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/25/2003 04:01 AM EST
I had a thought while showering too; if in fact Nathan Bitner is still at war with Iraq, what a great hero's welcome he'll have when he gets back on the Net! Maybe Mattel will even have Photog ready
Now I'm not saying we should STOP or anything but yes, all this will probably be enough to push the guy off the deep end
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/25/2003 04:01 AM EST
Hmmm... now I know that he wants a cult following, I sorta want to stop worshipping him, y'know?
Chestnuts roasted by Panic Rush Attack @ 05/25/2003 04:12 AM EST
Oh Jeremy, Thank you!! I just read it!
A dreamy pic of Nathan, Gemini is the newest concept artist (I admit it does sound classier than hooker...)(and, has he put on a little weight since the Mattel contest, or is it just me)
"...and I want a cult following"
HAH HAH HAH HAH!!! Done, Nathan!!
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/25/2003 04:16 AM EST
More good Bitner-isms culled from the Bungie.org forums:
"Maybe I can get a cute bartendress to drive me home - or at least drop me off on the roadside 50 miles away from my house. I like waking up on the pavement, having no idea where I live. " (probably ended up being a very literal statement.)
"Oh, and I'm sorry to announce that I remain engaged and not married.....Lucky in grades, unlucky in love?" (No luck involved in hookers, my friend. Tutti Frutti.)
"it is Nov. 2nd (every year) and happens to be my birthday as well" (we have a birthday!!)
"Doesn't pay nearly as well as their contract for my head." (Ha! We've almost come this close)
"and yes, you can still reach me at Island_Four@yahoo.com ... and God knows where else ;)" (maybe still active?)
"I am now engaged (Jun 9th is the wedding) to a beautiful North Carolinian named Misti." (Gemini is a prostitute home-wrecker!)
"Although the second year, he spent a good amount of time at Castle Grayskull" (Hmmmmm.....He-Man reference, which sparked a DEBATE on that site as to whether He-Man or Skeletor owned Greyskull...)
Sorry for the long post, but....I'm falling into madness thinking about this guy. I'm telling everyone about him... I need the Photog figure to be created, and not for Bitner's closure, but for mine.
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/25/2003 04:42 AM EST
I resolve here and now, we keep this post going until Nathan Bitner answers personally, and yes that does look like him in the article...I just wish he would verify it by name dropping Photog...(e.g., "Yes, I'm excited about Island Four almost as exciting as winning that MOTU contest lo so many years ago...why are you giggling Gemini?").
By the way Krappy Kat I hope he has put on a little weight, he was like 11 years old at the time...
Chestnuts roasted by whitemale_98 @ 05/25/2003 04:56 AM EST
I entered that contest. I remember being convinced I was gonna win. needless to say I was very bitter and convinced none of the ones that made it were better than mine (well, the Netta one was just a empty net with eyes and a mouth on it!?)
What was mine? I had a guy with a drill on his arm that was an escape artist. Ok, not high concept but I submit that it had more play value than the others (of what I can rember, two others were a guy with an eyebal for a head that shot beams and a telapath with a head that split open to reveal a crystal) I spent a lot of time drawing him and wrote up a page long description. At least mine would of been easier to translate with the existing MOTU molds.
Ok, here's where it gets sublime. The name of my character, "Auger". Does that sound familar? It should at least to all of you hard core toy and cartoon geeks out there. It's the SAME NAME as the Inhumaniods resident mechanic WITH A DRILL ON HIS ARM!!! I don't know who exactly it was but some toy industry hack stole that from me!
Ok, the Inhumanoids line was made by Hasbro and not Matel, but some asswipe could of easily defected and took my reject pile concept with him. Imagne, a whole cartoon/action figure concept stolen from the fertive imaginations of the children of America.
When I was a kid I was convinced I had grounds for a lawsuit. Now that whole episode of my life is just embarassing.
Hell, At least I'm not Bitner
Chestnuts roasted by Rogue-13 @ 05/25/2003 05:49 AM EST
Here's a larger pic of Bitner from the article Jeremy posted: http://www.elecplay.com/interviews/nathan_bitner/bitner.jpg
Sure looks like him. I also sent an email to 2 email addresses I found from a Google search for 'nbitner'. They were both RoadRunner addresses but from different cities. I hope he replies. The subject line was "Nate, is that you? It's me, PHOTOG." so hopefully it will catch his attention.
Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 05/25/2003 06:00 AM EST
I just thought of something. When matt puts up enough updates this will eventually be pushed off of the mainblog page and end up in the archives. Not as many people will find it then. Maybe we can talk matt into putting this somewhere else on the site once it no longer is on the front page of the updates.
Chestnuts roasted by extraordinarymagnitude @ 05/25/2003 06:01 AM EST
Damn, one of the addresses bounced back an nondeliverable mail error. I guess I sort of expected that. We'll see what happens with the other address then.
Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 05/25/2003 06:04 AM EST
I think this whole thing should have its own button at the top. Maybe next to Whales there could be a Bitner button.
Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 05/25/2003 06:11 AM EST
Parallel lives- A dissertation.
By now we have an idea of the epic life and times of Nathan Bitner and the circumstances of the genesis of Photog. However to fully appreciate how both are representative of a specific zeitgeist we must look at certain comparisons.
NATHAN BITNER
1) The rise of the underdog:
11 year old Nathan Bitner is plucked from obscurity truimphing over thousands of applicants when he wins Mattel's competition.
2) Days of Glory:
Recieves 100,000 dollar scholarship, 5 day trip to Florida. Achieves title as He Man of the Issue (Masters of Universe Magazine Spring 86).
3) Grandiose accolades/title:
Creative consultant of Bungie.
CEO of Island Four
4)Psychosexual dysfunction:
Witness failed engagement, "sexless" relationship with prostitute.
5) Victim of Corporate hostility:
Fired from Bungie, Island four is liquidated,
6)The Fall:
Mounting debts, failed marriage mental illness spiral.
7) Rebirth:
Signs up for military service, is made into cult icon by readers of X entertainment.
Compare this with....
PHOTOG
1)The rise of the underdog:
Beats off stiff competition from googly eyed mousetrap men, elephant headed fire fighters in order to emerge victorious as one of He-man's heroic acolytes.
2)Days of Glory:
Promised full scale production and to bring pleasure to millions of children all over the globe.
3)Grandiose Accolades:
Often known as "Fearless".
4)Psychosexual dysfunction:
Overtly phallic head. Possible 'voyuristic' tendencies.
5)Victim of corporate hostility:
Screwed over royally by Mattel.
6)The fall:
Languishes for decades in obscurity. (possible alcoholism and nasty "broken lens" incident in 92)
7) Rebirth
Championed by the internet and plight brought to bear by Matt, now has petition for restoration to the pantheon of He-man's heroic warriors.
I would like to conclude this thesis with the possibility of future research into the following questions
"Was Bitners decline inevitable after the creation of Photog?"
"What role did photog play in shaping Bitner's destiny?"
"Is Bitner related to vigilante crime fighter Fearless Photog- defender of the needy (with faithful sidekick Gemini girl)?"
Chestnuts roasted by Spatch @ 05/25/2003 06:32 AM EST
Hey Ed, where did you find Bitner's stuff on the Bungie.org forums? (could you throw a link or two from them?) As in, what year was the bit about him getting married on June 9?
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/25/2003 07:04 AM EST
Well I found two nathan bitner's in the army global email addresses and emailed them both. Though if he is in Iraq now I'm pretty sure he won't have many chances to get to see it. But I'm here in Kuwait and he has to come back through here sooner or later to go back home so I'll keep an eye out for the creator of Photog!
Chestnuts roasted by edthacow @ 05/25/2003 07:30 AM EST
Lord have mercy.. I'm probably going to shoot myself for getting involved.. but wait.. I'm not Bitner..
It's BILLY Stafford, not Ricky. I asked that schmoe over at he-man.org or whatever the site is called a couple of years ago to correct the name, but so be it. I'm the one who created Brainwave. A friend of mine emailed me the link to the story.
And I haven't killed anyone's grandmother that I remember.. but you know how use MotU character creators are... hookers, depression, .. bah!
The contest was pretty fun, and I must admit I've held a grudge against Bitner for a long time since Leech (of The Horde) was already released, and by description had the same power as Photog, which should've disqualified the character in the judging.. Mine simply zotted the hell out of whomever was around.
But that was damn near 20 years ago. Sounds like life kicked his ass. Personally, I just wanted to know if he got to finally be prez of Mattel for a day, and if so, what he did during it. I emailed him when I found him working for Bungie some years ago, but never got a response. After reading the little bio, I'm honestly not surprised. Hookers? Give me a break!
Anyhow, I noticed one post who didn't like Brainwave, was curious if there were any of you that did. I was shocked beyond belief that I'd even placed as a finalist, and I can understand those of you who really tried to win this contest yourselves. I wish they'd had more contests similar to it because overall it was a real interesting experience.
I'd rather see Brainwave made anyhow :) But you could say I'm a little biased. I did try searching around for the other finalists to see if they'd done anything imparticular in life, but no dice. (Unless Josette really was Gemini, but somehow I highly doubt that.)
If you have questions, I'll check the comments on this tonight and answer whatever I can. I have a scrapbook of all the clippings/etc from it. BTW, considering I was 10 when all this ended, it was WAY cool to have pretty much every MotU figure and playset delivered to the door. MANY, MANY hours of enjoyment, and frankly almost as fun as that $50k was in college :)
Chestnuts roasted by Brainwave @ 05/25/2003 07:46 AM EST
I think this thing has become way bigger than any of us.
You've been doing ok though, right Billy? What have you been up to? I mean for a He-man contest placer you sound almost.. normal:)
Thanks for dropping in!
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/25/2003 09:42 AM EST
First, Bitners referance to "And give me back my black T-shirt" is a Ben Folds Five song. He must be a fan. Also, now we have found a runnerup.....one step away from Bitner Glory!!
Chestnuts roasted by Tessie @ 05/25/2003 10:01 AM EST
For this movement to get into full swing, it needs a photog/Bitner website.
A website that will not only detail photog, but also the curve of Bitner's life, both what we know as fact and what we know as rumour.
And then someone needs to make a propaganda film in flash.
Then, this humble spark, can become a fire that consumes a nation
Chestnuts roasted by Steven @ 05/25/2003 10:35 AM EST
A friend of mine just sent me this link... Ho-lee Sheeit!
In 4 short days, Nathan Bitner has risen from the dustbin of history to take his proper place in the Halls of X-Entertainment Glory, alongside Jabba the Hutt, Megatron, and the Worst Witch.
Are you reading this, Mr. Bitner? We've been waiting for you. You are a legend here. Everyone knows your name here, and everyone here loves you.
Welcome home, Nathan Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by Varius @ 05/25/2003 10:48 AM EST
I found this last night, and I have to say it was the most compelling story of sex and infamy that didn't star Eric Roberts that I've ever seen. Anyway, after reading about the Bitner, I was telling the story to some friends of mine. One of them, when I asked if he remembered the contest, immediately said "Oh yeah, my half-sister went to school with the guy who won!" Upon further questioning, he said he was told that his half-sister (a resident of the Chicago suburbs at the time) had art class with Mr. Bitner, and as an assignment, they were all told to draw entries for the contest. The rest is history.
But this does pose an interesting question...if it was just a class assignment, it's entirely possible that Bitner wasn't even a fan of He-Man, never really expected to win, and possibly even was driven insane by the rash of attention his win suddenly garnered him.
Or perhaps that's a big leap. Regardless, it's kind of interesting information.
Chestnuts roasted by jacksname999 @ 05/25/2003 11:49 AM EST
Oh my!!!! This just gets better & better......
Chestnuts roasted by Rolfesangel @ 05/25/2003 01:14 PM EST
alright, if all of us sing the cheers theme song, maybe bitner will search for giant ape juice, to find the mother site. Better make sure we're up to snuff on our searches
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Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts. Six Breasts.
Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 05/25/2003 02:13 PM EST
This is the best way to spend a Sunday. I wonder how they delivered those playsets....in a big crate at once or what....i find the runner-ups more interesting than Bitner himself. Maybe they'll start turning up dead one by one and it'll be like an episode of X-Files or something.
Chestnuts roasted by Eamon @ 05/25/2003 02:21 PM EST
I just did my first search for mr. bitner and got this. http://bs.bungie.org/mtarchives/000112.html
and it says... "Nathan Bitner may have been a big He-Man fan as a child. Thanked in the Minotaur: The Labyrinths of Crete manual. Level design, Myth II: Soulblighter. Left Bungie in 1999 to start a new game concern called Island Four, which never materialized. Disappeared off the face of the earth. Rumored to now be a Private First Class in the United States Army as a Health Care Specialist. May like Andrea Corr." What does it mean?
Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 05/25/2003 02:24 PM EST
A very quick summary of his life, is what that means.
Oh, and Krappy, follow that link right above me, then just search the site for "Nathan Bitner", an assload of stuff will appear.
I'm glad we got someone to 3 degrees of seperation! And shit, not to mention a post by a runner-up...that's fucking sweet.
Oh and you should read what they are saying about us on metafilter.com
Chestnuts roasted by Ed Franklin @ 05/25/2003 03:02 PM EST
Hehehe.. well, I've been doing fine (thanks for asking.) I'm about as normal as typical geek goes. I'm really hoping I don't turn up dead, but then again, ya never know.
As for the toy shipment, I got 2 boxes, around 3'x3' that were packed solid. I'll see if I can swing by the folks house and scan in the pic of all the toys I got. I have a polorid of it all spread out on my bed. Kinda impressive, actually.
Chestnuts roasted by Brainwave @ 05/25/2003 03:23 PM EST
Wow Brainwave, how cool. I'm REALLY shocked that ol' Mattel came through! I'm TRYING to collect the 2003 MOTU figures, but it seems the big M is STILL all about the $$$. The new line is only a year old, and already we have a DOZEN god damned HE-MAN variations!! C'mon.........
I digress......
Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/25/2003 03:40 PM EST
Where can I post a pic of my "ten minute custom Fearless Bitner" figure? It's essentially a Grizzlor figure with a Ken doll head. I made two versions, "Young Bitner with spring-action punch, and "Bitter Bitner" with deluxe downward-spiral accessories......
:)
Chestnuts roasted by Dil-Do @ 05/25/2003 03:46 PM EST
"I summon the GHOST of BITNER to do my bidding"......"DESTROY Mattel BITNER!!"........
???
Chestnuts roasted by Skeletord @ 05/25/2003 03:48 PM EST
Everyday now I check this page after I check my email, what does this say about this bitner phenomenom....All we need is one more degree of seperation and we'll have him...Dammit Bitner, do a search for yourself on Google...By the way maybe his company would've lasted longer if he used Brainwave to do his concept art instead of Gemini...Also debating what is better... to acquire all of MOTU in two big boxes or to acquire it piecemeal using only your cunning and tantrum skills...not quite sure..
Chestnuts roasted by Whitemale_98 @ 05/25/2003 03:54 PM EST
You know, getting slightly off the subject of Bitner for a sec...I went over to He-Man.org and actually looked at the list of action figures and good freaking god, Matt hasn't even scratched the surface yet, has he? I'd never evne heard of Clamp Champ before (looks like OJ Simpson with a Jaws of Life strapped to his arm). I was a little worried we'd run out of ridiculous MOTU toys to be featured here on X-E, but I guess that's far from likely, since they made tons of crap like the Stilt Stalker.
Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Henderson @ 05/25/2003 04:11 PM EST
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Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 05/25/2003 04:38 PM EST
Here's the Metafilter link:
http://www.metafilter.com/mefi/25942
80's junk culture? LoL!
Chestnuts roasted by BotchieGulpe @ 05/25/2003 05:25 PM EST
Thanks for the help, Brainwave. With your aid, we can shed some light on Mattell's curious prize fulfillment practices.
Chestnuts roasted by Eamon @ 05/25/2003 05:43 PM EST
I have to admit, when I posted before I scrolled to the bottom first to post because the thread was so long. When I went back to look it over I discovered that mine was not the only character concept to be perloined. This may come back to bite me in the ass latter but:
We can have a class action suit against Mattel. I'm sure there were a lot more of the contestants that had their characters stolen. Remember how mad you were when you saw YOUR guy (or girl ;) ) used with no credit to you what so ever. We can make Mattel eat our shorts, shove their faces in it, we'll finally make all the world se... wait a min. Didn't the statute of limitations expire already? Oh well, never mind.
BTW, Billy, sorry bro. Didn't mean to bash on Brainwave earlier. I just wa really bitter over the whole contest thing and was just useing Brainwave as a example because I rembered it ( I still for the life of me can't rember what the fifth one was, how great could that one have been). In truth yours was the only one I kinda liked and I would of voted for it if I wasn't such a pissy little brat. So sorry again man, no bad blood eh? Anyway we both missed out on the grand prise, though you got a complete MOTU toy collection... hold on... I still hate yo punk adzz!!!
(No, not really ;) )
Anyway, at least you're not Bitner.
Chestnuts roasted by Rogue-13 @ 05/25/2003 06:11 PM EST
Whoa......I don't think this was posted yet, but it pertains to Nathan's interest in suicide and dates back to '93, and also is another confirmation of his middle name Elery......
http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/afs/cs/project/theo-11/www/naive-bayes/20_newsgroup/sci.med/59568
Chestnuts roasted by Loneman1 @ 05/25/2003 06:35 PM EST
So Nathan Bitner, you think you can illude us! This is just the beginning! You cannot hide from the monstrous plastic death of PHOTOG. He will be created in flame and fire for all the land to see! Your legacy is an apparent lack of foresight on the part of Mattel and those crippled tricks must go down! This I COMMAND! Quick! We must get to work on the lifesized photog technology at once! And only the power of Knight industries, with circuits created from KITT, can the perfect vehicle become created with the mind numbing precission and artificial intelligence!
Besides, Mattel ruins all the cool toys. Why couldn't they make the muppets look like they did on TV? Animal never looked right.
Chestnuts roasted by Barlow @ 05/25/2003 06:56 PM EST
Got it Ed, thanks for the assist
Bitner asks if it's possible to commit suicide by taking Nyquil?!
He's also allegedly been posing as some stupid entity named Cortana (check out the Cortana Letters) and writing bizarre and cryptic emails from Bungie computers. Also some very optimistic quotes about Island4 and marriage, and a back-up girlfriend from southern Wisconsin (Gemini?). Some ramblings about the FBI and not enjoying taking shit from the people at the liquor store.
You know, I'm beginning to think he's not from Napierville ,but Mars.
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/25/2003 07:37 PM EST
(thanks to brandon too, sorry:)
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/25/2003 07:39 PM EST
That's unacceptable. I'd at least want the damn prototype.
Chestnuts roasted by Megatitawitz @ 05/25/2003 07:40 PM EST
You know, it might take a bit longer than most of us want to deal with, but it might be possible to send Bitner a snail-mail letter in care of whatever branch of the military he's in right now. I doubt he's too concerned with e-mails from people who he's never met asking him about He-Man, but if someone sat down and wrote a nicer letter, he might actually be touched.
Assuming of course that the "in care of" idea would work...I don't know that it would. Anyone else know?
Chestnuts roasted by jacksname999 @ 05/25/2003 07:58 PM EST
Nathan Bitner, you are the One. You can take the blue Photog and you'll wake up tommorrow and all this will have been a dream. Or you can take the red Photog and I'll show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Chestnuts roasted by Morpheus @ 05/25/2003 10:35 PM EST
You know, my Bro is in the Army; I could ask him how the whole "in care of" idea would play out. I've been reading this Bitner-licious Blog since the whole Photog thing began, and I must say this is intriguing, funny, and sad at the time.
Anyway, I can pursue the snail-mail approach if anyone is interested.
Chestnuts roasted by Forever Ape @ 05/25/2003 10:38 PM EST
just read most of this thread at 4 in the morning and it's the funniest shit ive ever read, and to agree with early stuff that article / interview posted by Jeremy, that was definitely Bitner. had to be, anyways, more beer
Chestnuts roasted by liam @ 05/25/2003 10:54 PM EST
just read most of this thread at 4 in the morning and it's the funniest shit ive ever read, and to agree with early stuff that article / interview posted by Jeremy, that was definitely Bitner. had to be, anyways, more beer
Chestnuts roasted by liam @ 05/25/2003 10:57 PM EST
After reading through this lovely Bitner-ific blog, I must say I'm hooked. I must know about Bitner, but if snail-mail and e-mail don't work, then a Bitner store should be opened online. It should sell Bitner/Photog shirts, commerative armbands, drink coasters (hey, I'd buy one), ect. and the proceeds would go to the Finding Bitner Foundation. The FBF would then use the money to hire Private Investigaters or make a telethon. Sooner or later, Bitner will, no MUST, show up.
Chestnuts roasted by Saithe Verity @ 05/25/2003 11:56 PM EST
Snail mail him, email him, case out his parents house, whatever, just keep this thing going because this happens to be the most intriguing thing Iv'e seen on the internet in a long time.
I have to say though, if I was Mr. Nathan Bitner I wouldn't reply. I mean, who would want to be a part of something that contrasted your greatest highs with your much lower lows. Though, he has a lot of supporters and well wishers here. sombody even started a petition on his behalf. proably would be well worth it for him to drop a line, even if only once.
BTW, is this the longest blog you've had Matt?
Chestnuts roasted by Rogue-13 @ 05/26/2003 12:27 AM EST
For some reason I have this strange fascination with Gemini in this sad, twisted, sorted affair. I feel like placing some calls to some "Houses of Ill Repute" in the Raleigh, NC area (they must be able to be located since they take credit cards... unless Bitner used cash advances) to see in any agency has heard of a girl named Gemini. I'd love to find a picture of what drove Bitner to, like, insanity.
Chestnuts roasted by She must be better looking than Heather Ramage, Kent State Univ. in Ohio prostitute @ 05/26/2003 01:08 AM EST
I'm thinking as far as the store goes, we go right to PHOTOG THONGS BABYBEE!
http://www.cafeshops.com/alexvsthepuzzle
i'm taking this down soon before big brother mattel swoops in and spanks me however.
Chestnuts roasted by Stinkythumbs @ 05/26/2003 01:27 AM EST
No one has figured it out yet, huh? Bitner is an illusion, a spectre. HE was recruited by Mattel to win the contest. They were never going to make the figure, it was a marketing ploy. Bitner was payed as well as his family. Still cheaper then retooling and going into full production . Thats why he refuses to make contact now. HE signed a contract with Mattel stipulating that he would never discuss the figure or lobby for its production. Bitner is not even his real name. It was Ralph Francis Dalvecio. He is currently a member of Air Force Para-rescue and serving in Iraq. God Speed Ralph!
Chestnuts roasted by Troubalert @ 05/26/2003 02:22 AM EST
Okay...I admit it...
The Search For Bitner has taken over my life.
I've spent hours online....Reading the posts here, going through all the links, googling until I can google no more...I leave this desk only to go to work, where I know have a handful of people using the phrase "so Bitner" - even if they don't understand what it means.
And my girlfriend is ready to leave me, simply because I asked her if I could start calling her "Gemini".
At first, it was fun. Then a challenge. Now, a sick, sad obession. In searching for Nathan Bitner, I have become Nathan Bitner.
And that is just Soooooo Bitner.
But whaddya say Matt? Do we get the Bitner Button? We really can't let this end until he's found. Our numbers grow daily. Our resolve is strong. But we, your loyal X-Eers need your help. Just a simple Bitner Button. Something that will alert the masses to our cause.
Because we have to find Nathan Bitner, you see. We have to find him, and save him.
If for no other reason than to maybe save ourselves.
Chestnuts roasted by Karmic Crimewave @ 05/26/2003 03:27 AM EST
Did a bit more research, going onto Google Groups and looking through Bitner's Usenet posts. Interesting note...from 1992 to 1997 he was using a couple of different University of Chicago addresses. He mentions in February of 1997 working on something called the "Diplomacy 'Zine" (he was apparently a huge fan of the board game).
Quite a lot of his posts are to alt.holiday.suicide, though mostly in response to others. The army info lists him as a "Health Care Specialist" or something along those lines...maybe he was a psych major or something?
He's a fan of the Chicago Bears, and of the Cranes and Smashing Pumpkins (never heard of the Cranes). He's also a Corrs fan, or at least of one member of the band, the hot chick.
By 1999 he's posting using a Bungie.com address, but here's the thing that gets me...he posts exclusively on videogame groups. So what does this mean? Well, could mean a few things...he's given up all his past interests (football, psychology, etc), he posts under two (or more different addresses), or...we're dealing with two different Nathan Bitners. I perused the Bungie-Bitner's posts, and could find no references to Chicago, so it IS a possibility. BUT...I did find a 1992 post where he talks quite enthusiastically about the Mac game Minotaur, so it's looking likely we're on the right track.
There's an almost exact 2 year gap between UChicago-Bitner and Bungie-Bitner (Feb 1997 is his last UChicago post, Feb 1999 is his first Bungie post...what happened during those two years?).
Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Henderson @ 05/26/2003 04:14 AM EST
This...blog...needs...nay... deserves...an...icon...
Chestnuts roasted by Whitemale_98 @ 05/26/2003 04:27 AM EST
I checked out Nathan's suicide posts on Google (I feel like such a ghoul now) He has some really wierd arguments with a few people about suicide in 93. I'm positive that U. of Chicago Bitner and Bungie Bitner are the same; remember our man Tim who pretty much launched us with his four page post? He told us about Bitner's suicidal bouts and depression and mental clinic stints (which took place during Bungie). BTW, almost all of the suicide posts contain references to an obsession with Chicago Bear Mike Ditka.
"Can you can you kill yourself with 20-30 geltabs? I've got a bet with a friend. Worship Ditka!" Ugh.
In the post titled Deep Breath, Nathan claims he tried to commit suicide by taking a shitload of OTC drugs and sleep aids, etc.
I've got a hunch that this friend didn't exist, and that perhaps he had another stint in the mental hospital during this two year gap, and that it wasn't just for the weekend
Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 05/26/2003 06:12 AM EST
www.shaner.us/digilib/02032003/a1/troops.html
Oh Fearless Bitner, how we do
