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05/09/2003 Entry: "Old Chips Ahoy! Ad"

Chips Ahoy! cookies, mystical and full of chocolate, might not have survived this long without some clever marketing campaigns. The 'Betcha Bite A Chip' credo alongside their promises of each package containing something like 45,000 chips held public interest, and it even piqued my interest to the point where, for three years, I swore to everyone who'd listed that I'd found a Chips Ahoy! cookie with no chips. I was lying. I wish I could've found better things to lie about.

Click 'more' to see one of the cookie conglomerate's old print ads - featuring a cameo appearance by the legendary Striped Chips Ahoy! and a special activity that lets you fold paper to decode a secret chocolate message...

Go ahead, do it. Print it out. Put 'A' to 'B.' You know you want to. Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

REPLIES: 52 comments

Matt, you really can't appreciate the power of the Chips A Hoy until your girl gets pregnant. They have a power that could only be rivaled by the Infinity Gauntlet itself!

Chestnuts roasted by Draven @ 05/09/2003 01:03 PM EST

Ok, i've been wracking my brain over this and if anyone can help me I'll email them an amazing picture of my cats. The old wheat thins jingle.... it went like it looks like a cracker but.... and then i cant remember anything else. granted the commercial was out in like 84-85 making me like 3-4 years old. But thats no excuse.

Chestnuts roasted by CalmingEffect @ 05/09/2003 01:15 PM EST

ahaha I remember that. I think it was on the inside cover of one of my old comic books. I'll have to check it out

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 05/09/2003 01:17 PM EST

I remember those too!! And Jason is right, they were on the inside of comic books. I forget which comics they were in but they were there.

Chestnuts roasted by KoNaX @ 05/09/2003 01:19 PM EST

I remeber one comic book Chips Ahoy ad where you had to get through a maze of chocolate chips, passing through as few chips as possible. Then, you talied up your score. Zero chips was "Imposible we told you!" 1-2 was "chip skipper" and more than 9 was "You bit a mouthfull. Try Again." Anybody else remember that?

Cruiz out. >8^D
cruiz@scotsmanality.com
www.scotsmanality.com

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 05/09/2003 01:23 PM EST

Ok, I must be bored. A-wel Cruiz, ya, I remember working at that maze for hours trying to get 0 chips. I think that is part of the reason way Im so geekish now. My how things influence your childhood.

Chestnuts roasted by KoNaX @ 05/09/2003 01:27 PM EST

I would just take ridiculously small bites and feel smug about having not bitten a chip. I would also daydream about becoming wealthy after suing them for false advertising.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 05/09/2003 01:29 PM EST

I was recently introduced to Mad Magazine, and my downright favorite part is those pages you fold to get hidden pictures. Those things were hella fun.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 05/09/2003 01:42 PM EST

There's something really DISTURBING about that fold-in image. I mean, when you decontextualize it, it's an severed hand holding a full cookie with a half-cookie blocking the srump of the severed wrist. And there are just creepy rays of light extending out. And people WONDER why 80's kids are so messed up now?

Chestnuts roasted by J. Random Lurker @ 05/09/2003 01:46 PM EST

How is it us 80's kids are fucked up? sure, in the 90's we ended up shooting up our schools and setting fire to WoodStock 1999, and... and.. okay, okay, bad examples.

Chestnuts roasted by indie @ 05/09/2003 03:48 PM EST

Ahh, so when you bite the cookie, it explodes in your mouth. It's all so clear now.

Chestnuts roasted by Sargasm @ 05/09/2003 05:30 PM EST

Remember 'Sprinkled' Chips Ahoy? Pretty good, but the Striped were always my favorite.

Chestnuts roasted by Candyman @ 05/09/2003 06:35 PM EST

One day on Street Cents, they actually figured out how to find out how many chocolate chips are in Chips Ahoy cookies, and all the bags they tried were pretty close to said stated number *nodd*

Look at my exciting Friday night.

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 05/09/2003 09:03 PM EST

I am the whalerus goo, goo, goo joob...

Chestnuts roasted by BotchieGulpe @ 05/10/2003 12:11 AM EST

Mmmmmmmmmmmm, cookie. I've seen that episode of Street Cents before. Quite interesting... I always thought they were lying.
That ad above really is strange, though. Almost as bad as the Hulk seeds you have going on on the other page...

Chestnuts roasted by materia_chocomog @ 05/10/2003 10:25 AM EST

Did Striped Chips Ahoy have holes in the centers of the cookies? Or is that a different striped cookie altogether?

Chestnuts roasted by Mike Fireball @ 05/10/2003 02:56 PM EST

I know this has nothing to do with cookies or anything like that...but, I thought you'd be interested, Matt, that a NEW Masters of the Universe movie is in the works. That's right. A NEW MOTU MOVIE. But this time, it's going to stay true to the story of the new cartoon on Cartoon Network. And it won't be as campy as the 80's version. Good news? Or sign of the apocalypse? You be the judge.

Chestnuts roasted by hippo_crates @ 05/10/2003 05:40 PM EST

See, the rays of light, they are actually the shirt sleeve, and the bitten part is the cuff.

And I cannot believe my first post here is about this.

Chestnuts roasted by mlsq42 @ 05/10/2003 06:24 PM EST

man, i want a shirt like the hand in the ad must be wearing.

awesome stripes + cookie cuffs = one awesome piece of clothing

Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 05/10/2003 06:28 PM EST

hippo_crates, Where did hear about the He-Man movie?

Chestnuts roasted by Michael @ 05/10/2003 07:10 PM EST

Read it in a magazine today. Also, Dr. Octopus is planned to be the main and ONLY villian in the second Spidey Movie. AND, the Ironman movie is in the works, so is Daredevil 2 and Electra will be getting her own movie and will also be reappearing in the second DD installment. Word up.

Chestnuts roasted by hippo_crates @ 05/10/2003 11:30 PM EST

Yeah, I actually did fold it and find out. I now know how many bites out of a Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookie it takes before i bite a chip.
Matt is a sexy beast.

Chestnuts roasted by Sabrina @ 05/11/2003 07:01 AM EST

hey were did you read about the masters of the universe movie????

Chestnuts roasted by Galvatron Maxx @ 05/11/2003 01:48 PM EST

Something like a cracker, but more like a snack.

Chestnuts roasted by toasterdevil @ 05/11/2003 08:52 PM EST

The video store........ BEST. ENTRY. EVER.

people all over the office were asking if I was ok. my favorite in a long long time.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 05/12/2003 09:03 AM EST

Yeah, Ubu Rex, I also used to take really small bites and then become proud of myself. Only I thought it was some sort of contest.

You guys remember that TV spot where there's a gang of kids, and they have this big map of the cookie so they can try to plot out where to take a bite without getting a chip?

Chestnuts roasted by The Waffle Man @ 05/12/2003 09:15 AM EST

there are no comments for the video store article so here i be. Sure fuckin over a m and p is nice but fuckin over the man (blockbuster) feels better... i got all three slumber party massacres for under 10 bucks.. by tell the guy that his manager insisted there was a buy 2 get one free sell goin on to dwindle down the 80's b horror movie section... who can beat a whole series as far as i know it(there might be a 4) for under 10 bucks... fuck blockbuster.. i want the machines that are makin em!

Chestnuts roasted by Casket @ 05/12/2003 10:09 AM EST

Here's another post about the video store article:

Man I wish I had a store like that near me. All I can find are big franchises, no fun to be had there. Matt should return to Easy Video soon, and write more articles about nasty old candy from long ago.

Excellent article!

Chestnuts roasted by headhurtn' @ 05/12/2003 12:59 PM EST

agreed. my favorite article in a long time.

Chestnuts roasted by hello @ 05/12/2003 10:47 PM EST

Yo, I remember seeing this ad in one my fabled Spider-Ham comics . Of this I am sure. Damn Now I am going to have go thru my comics to find it. Oh yeah , Mad props for the "My pet Monster " story

Chestnuts roasted by madmanmorgan @ 05/13/2003 12:58 AM EST

In responce to Calming effects question. I think it was "Looks like a cracker but eats like a chip"

Chestnuts roasted by Lifesjobber @ 05/13/2003 02:52 AM EST

GBAL!QHHHHJ

Chestnuts roasted by WEFOP(B @ 05/13/2003 05:52 AM EST

Thor Hungry! Thor WANT Chip!

Chestnuts roasted by Thor @ 05/13/2003 09:07 AM EST

oh my gosh!
I forgot about Spider-Ham til it was just mentioned...wacky.
The amount of things from my childhood (I'm 26) that I'd forgotten until I'd see an article Matt had written is staggering...is 26 too young for Alzheimer's Disease?
I also remember the above ad, as well as the maze...
ahhhh, the good old days.

Chestnuts roasted by Ralyin @ 05/13/2003 09:23 AM EST

thank you very much i like chips ahoy in original and chewy myself i have a ad on chips ahoy! on a comic book

Chestnuts roasted by jeremysimsports @ 05/13/2003 12:20 PM EST

What was the name of the cartoon kid that touched the chips ahoy chocolate chips and turned them into rainbow colors?

on a side note, where's the Captain Planet articles? The kid with the 'heart' ring got screwed.

Chestnuts roasted by Jah @ 05/13/2003 02:57 PM EST

I remember my first encounter with Chips Ahoy! I was on some island in, like, the Bahamas, and, when I reached for the bag\the opening was COVERED WITH LIVE ANTS, which propted wimpy little me to drop the bag and run screaming like a little girl.

I think I rented that MPM-LAV. (My Pet Monster Live... you know, I feel like if I say the entire thing, I'll summon Satan Borgnine.) I was about 5, come on. I was REALLY into folks who turned into other stuff (I was crazy about my TMNT April action figure that turned into a tiger. Rrowwl!)

Yeah, Heart sux. "Quick, monkey, love people!" Meanwhile, you have this American kid who can shoot FREAKIN' FIRE. Makes me proud to be an American.

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 05/13/2003 03:49 PM EST

I wanna cookie...

Chestnuts roasted by Otaku Queen @ 05/13/2003 06:46 PM EST

They were in Archie comics. I am looking at one now.
I can't tell if it is my handwriting with says "Stupid cookie - I hate you" on the top of the page.
I'd like to think yes.

Chestnuts roasted by pantsofoles @ 05/13/2003 07:51 PM EST

I remember finding these in the backs of G.I.JOE comics...I had to put a and b together...Thus the comics future value is sealed as not in mint...Damn these ads!!! They are the bane of my existence! Does anyone remember that Lucky Charms also pulled this asinine marketing scheme? Bloody Pendaho Bastards will BURN IN HELL!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Crow Warrior @ 05/13/2003 08:04 PM EST

Anybody remember Spider-Ham's real name?......Peter Porker!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! Oh shit. Classic....so sorry.

Chestnuts roasted by somelikeitthach @ 05/13/2003 10:05 PM EST

yeah Spider Ham is cool my cousin gave me 2 old sp comics from 1986. Does anyone remember that oreo maze or the fig newtons flavor scramble?

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 05/14/2003 02:35 AM EST

Calming effect,

"Wheat thins, kind of like a cracker but more like a snack"

I swear to christ. You don't remember it because it was assinine. Continuing:

"Just for you snackers,
a crispy delight.
Kind of like a cracker
but with more snack bite..."

I honestly can't remember my own account number at the bank, though I've written it on the deposit slip almost every week for the last 7 years but:

"..oh they're thin and square
and they're light as air,
but they're honest to goodness good crackers (wheat thins!)
Wheat thins,
kind of like a cracker but:
MORE LIKE A SNACK!!"

Maybe this was more recent that '84/'85. I dunno. I would have been 11 or 12. Doesn't seem so long ago...

So what do I get? Cat pictures?
I've wasted my life.

Chestnuts roasted by toadfrog @ 05/14/2003 04:19 PM EST

ToadFrog, that had been bothering for months. Pictures of my three beautiful cats are comin yo way playa. Ok, I know the jingle was assinine, but my grandmother was telling me this cute little story about how when I was 4 I wanted to name my dog cracker-butt, based on the wheat thins jingle. I remembered this and went on to tell her that I knew the first part and wanted to know the rest of the jingle. Of course she didn't know it & I was sad and have spent a good 2 months looking for it, I am the one who has wasted his life, I could have saved my self all this anguish just by posting here. Thanks to everyone who replied especially toadfrog. :)

Chestnuts roasted by CalmingEffect @ 05/15/2003 02:06 AM EST

Ma-Ti, the kid with the heart ring, did NOT get screwed! He had a monkey!

Chestnuts roasted by Mike Fireball @ 05/18/2003 01:03 PM EST

i like the ad

Chestnuts roasted by jeremysimsports @ 07/24/2003 06:32 PM EST

That idiot kid who coloured all the chocolate chips name was Kevin...leading to the retarded "Thank Kevin" (Thank Heaven) pun...a great mind once said "there is no such thing as a good pun" I stand behind that guy...

Chestnuts roasted by MetalRaven @ 08/11/2003 12:49 PM EST

My God, I remember that Chips Ahoy ad! I forget where I first saw it, but yes, I did try to put A to B. I could never do it in a straight line.

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