05/09/2003 Entry: "Ewoks and Newspapers and Headaches."

Today's (actually, yesterday's) article is about Kenner's plush Ewok dolls, and includes a commercial download and musings I attempted to transcribe while the World's Worst Headache attacked the nerves in my brain with the voracity of ten thousand hungry eels. Not one, but ten thousand. I've still got it, actually - tried two different types of aspirin, and one non-aspirin, and another that wasn't either of those or even intended for headaches, but I swallowed it anyway because hey, it was there. None of this really has anything to do with Ewoks, I just want a written record of my symptoms available for my family when I'm found dead tomorrow from the aneurysm. Nub nub.

I got more Hulk stuff. Some of it's worse than anything yet reviewed. I'll put it up either tomorrow or this weekend, depending on which day I die.

Starting very soon (this week or next), I'll be doing columns for the Delaware News Journal. I don't know exactly what the rotation is quite yet, but it's looking like three days a week. They're hooking me up with a pretty great layout - the columns even have an 'X-Entertainment' masthead, which is a big pro. More or less, they're shorter versions of the kind of articles you see here, but the freedom of not having to spew out several thousand words per articles opens up a lot of topic opportunities I don't usually give myself here. Either way, if you like the site, you should like the column - I can't do fake comedy with cursewords, but they're still letting me use italics. Italics are freakin hysterical.

I don't live in Delaware, unfortunately. If you do, and you get the paper, and you feel like spending time making scans of the articles for me, for absolutely nothing in return but a 'thank you' followed by emoticons, drop me a e-mail. Obviously, it's a great opportunity for a fuckup like me, and a foot in the door to a room filled with much better things. Thanks to Andrew from the paper for the chance to say that I'm almost sort of kind of maybe halfway legitimate. At least in Delaware. The miracle state. My new favorite state, aside from Arkansas because it's so fun to pronounce.

Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 05/09/2003 01:57 AM EST

I'm pretty sure no one lives in Delaware. Suprises me to learn they even have a paper there. Learn something new every day, I guess.

Congrats on the job. I wrote some stupid pop culture shit for my school paper, and it's definitely a blast and something I'd love to do for actual money. Plus, I liked using the term "dick jokes" in a school-sanctioned publication.

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosMonkey @ 05/09/2003 03:55 AM EST

So uh....anyone lining up for episode 3 yet?
i am so hyped up now.

Chestnuts roasted by Brodie @ 05/09/2003 04:12 AM EST

certainly somebody at the paper you're working for could send you a copy?

episode 3? i still haven't seen x-men 2 yet. i'm a lazy moviegoer ur lucky if i don't just cop the bootleg.

Chestnuts roasted by photocdclub.com @ 05/09/2003 07:40 AM EST

oh, and congrats on tha job!

how did it end up being a delaware paper? did they contact you, or did you just send out samples all over the country?

Chestnuts roasted by photocdclub.com @ 05/09/2003 07:41 AM EST

Super Congrats on the job! I am in Baltimore but that really isn't that close to Delaware, but hopefully, I will be hitting the beach alot this summer and driving through. I will be sure to keep an eye out for this spectacular publication that would hire Mr. Matt!!!

I loved the plush ewoks too. I had Kneesa, Wickett and like 2 wocklets. I think that is what I am going to start calling my roomate's cats. Wocklet is my new favorite word.

Chestnuts roasted by t-rah @ 05/09/2003 08:46 AM EST

Looks like the News Journal has a pretty good website. Let us know if your articles get put up there, so we can all read them. I think this is the start of something great for you, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Kookie @ 05/09/2003 09:15 AM EST

Dude, now you've gotta follow some wacky shit called "journalistic integrity". Good luck!

Chestnuts roasted by Squid @ 05/09/2003 10:49 AM EST

Being in Idaho, I'm no where near Deleware, but I've got to plan a trip one of these days. Congrats on the job, Matt!

As for Ewok plushies, I actually had one of these! One of the few toys I actually owned! I also took two other teddy bears and scarred them up to look a little like Ewoks, and then we'd have an Ewok war.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 05/09/2003 10:51 AM EST

Congratulations on the new job, Matt!Best of luck to you. I enjoyed the Ewoks toys article...I had a stuffed Ewok who's name I can't remember and I unfortunately don't think I have him anymore. However, he was a smaller Ewok and looked like a baby...kind of like a premature Ewok I don't know how else to describe him. He had big round blue eyes was a very light light beige color...that's all I can remember. Oh well, anyway I had one :)
Melissa (resident Tim Curry fan)

Chestnuts roasted by Melissa @ 05/09/2003 10:58 AM EST

I never had one of the plushies, but did any of you ever play the Ewok board game? Heck, I think my family ;might still have it... time to dig in the basement! whoo hooo!

Chestnuts roasted by Yermo_Mishot @ 05/09/2003 10:59 AM EST

Congrats Matt!!! I recently have come to love your site and wanted to congratulate you on the new job. It seems to me like you have enough material on this site to have a good start on a book of some kind. You should check that out.

And will your articles be posted on the Delaware News Journal Website?

Chestnuts roasted by sknyluv @ 05/09/2003 11:24 AM EST

Hey Matt, good luck with the new job. I got a question: you've mentioned a few time how yer articles need to be a certain word length. Is that a personal goal, or a stipulation given by UGO.com?

I guess it's not a very important question, but i was curious.

Chestnuts roasted by MIke @ 05/09/2003 12:05 PM EST

Completely self-imposed for no good reason. :) Though I have gotten better - some of the older articles were 8,000 words long, literally.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/09/2003 12:22 PM EST

So now its upto Matt to show those Delaware people who the real king of commentary are!! Sorry, I just loved that line too much to not share.

Chestnuts roasted by KoNaX @ 05/09/2003 12:32 PM EST

Now I know Wicket's full name. I am pleased.

Good work on the job. I am now envious of you. Even more than I was when you got to see that He-Man thing.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 05/09/2003 12:43 PM EST

Congrats on the job, Matt. I have a few friends down in Maryland who might be able to snag a copy of the articles for you now and again. Or you can just ask your boss for a copy as part of the job (tell him it's for a portfolio or something, try making some professional sounding pitch about it and see where it goes).

I gazed at the Ewoks article (stuffed animals were never really my bag, Transformers and Legos ruled my days of yesteryear), but I was delighted to see the all too popular Sit and Spin. Ah, happy memories of toys that weren't browbeaten by parental watchdog groups. I fear for the children of tomorrow. My friends and I grew up on dirt bomb fights, Sit and Spins , Lawn Darts (the metal tipped ones, not those candy ass Nerf ones) and a host of other toys and playground equipment that just HAD to be purposely designed to cause pain and possible dismemberment. Kids are so protected today that I'm surprised Transformers and other cool toys don't get packaged in a twleve pound block of Lucite just to protect the little cherubs from harm. We need to introduce the youngin's to more deadly devices, toughen them up for when the AI's start to take over and only a robot sent from the future can save us. Oh, waitaminit...

Chestnuts roasted by Konopka @ 05/09/2003 02:51 PM EST

if you ever in an alabama paper, i'll help you out ;)

Chestnuts roasted by kennef @ 05/09/2003 03:31 PM EST

about 6 years ago i bought an ewok plush at the star tours gift shop at disney world

Chestnuts roasted by Gyromite @ 05/09/2003 03:47 PM EST

Homer: The Simpsons are going to Delaware!
Lisa: I want to see Wilmington!
Bart: I want to visit a screen door factory!

Good ol delaware!

Chestnuts roasted by aslocal @ 05/09/2003 04:49 PM EST

Hey, ChaosMonkey, from all of Delaware, BITE ME! Matt, so glad to find out my fave website is coming to my state. Look forward to framing every article I can. Good Luck!

Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 05/09/2003 04:54 PM EST

"Hi, I'm in Delaware."

Chestnuts roasted by Wayne Campbell @ 05/09/2003 05:53 PM EST

Sweet! Nice going, Matt! And think! They're actually PAYING you to advertise your site!

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 05/09/2003 06:37 PM EST

Wow! The economy must be making a sudden turn. Two of my internet friends found jobs in this time of economic turmoil, and now you. Too bad there wasn't any columns available in our respective home base of New York City. Next time my sister makes that big drive down I-95 to her condo in Flordia, I'll make sure she stops in Delaware and picks up a copy of the Delaware News Journal. I probably can't count on her to do anything for me, but hey, I got a nice Hulk T-Shirt from her last trip.

Chestnuts roasted by Go Knock Jimmy Down @ 05/09/2003 07:44 PM EST

do you own a flowbee?

Chestnuts roasted by flowbee @ 05/09/2003 08:05 PM EST

Wowee! I wish I could get a job doing something remotely interesting/has anything to do with my degree... Congrats!

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 05/09/2003 09:07 PM EST

Man that new job of yours is better than my job at the local thrift store. lucky you.

Ewok Info
last year i bought Wicket at a vallue village in my area for 75 cents and it rocked so hard!

Chestnuts roasted by Homestar runner @ 05/09/2003 11:48 PM EST

Congrats Matt! And it's great that they're shelling out for some dough for you to advertise the site. (But *lip tremble* this doesn't mean that you're going to be spending more time away from us and less time on the site does it? How will your horde of adoring fans get their 80s shlock movies fix?)

My cousin had an Ewok doll. And a My Pet Monster. No My Buddy (or whatever the hell those Chucky dolls were called) though: even we were able to acquire real friends.

Well, the girlfriend and I are off to begin the long, drawn-out process of watching the whole Friday the 13th and (rewatching, in my case) A Nightmare on Elm Street franchises before Freddy vs. Jason comes out. If you still haven't heard from us in a couple of months send vegetarian sushi. And a newspaper. Preferably the Delaware News Journal. (Never thought I'd see those words come out of my typing fingers).

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 05/10/2003 10:20 AM EST

Is this *THE* The Delaware News Journal, Matt? ('Cause I'm sure there are a good dozen of 'em out there).

http://www.delawareonline.com/newsjournal/

And if so, will your articles be online?

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 05/10/2003 10:38 AM EST

I didn't have any Ewok toys as a kid, not even among my Star Wars action figures. I did have the Sit n Spin. I don't know what I saw in it, either. Do they still make those? You never see an ad for them anymore

And congradulations to Matt for his new payche..I mean..articles in an actual newspaper. Now he needs his own TV segment somewhere.

Chestnuts roasted by ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot @ 05/10/2003 04:43 PM EST

My Grandmas live in Delaware!

Huggbees!

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 05/11/2003 12:35 PM EST

Congrats Matt! Nice to see local boy make good. I can't wait until it's syndicated. Someone need to fill the void left by Ann Landers.

Chestnuts roasted by mutton72 @ 05/12/2003 10:48 AM EST

Congrats on the employ, Matt! Sorry bout the headache. Wonderful, aren't they? Guess here in Canada we have one up on you Yanks that way. We can go and get Tylenol *with* codeine over the counter with no scrip from the quack. Sorry, just had to rub that in...

Chestnuts roasted by Gunnm @ 05/14/2003 10:04 AM EST