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03/04/2003 Entry: "20.00 Party City Shopping Spree?"

I was interested in seeing just how much 20.00 could buy a person at our local 'Party City' warehouse store. Here's what we took home, for the total price of 18.95. Not bad, but most of this stuff is already on the curb waiting for the dirty guy to put it in the dirty truck.

Rock Candy (Price: .79)
Slime Egg (Price: .59)
Dragon Pen (Price: .59)
Dinosaur Ruler (Price: .33)
Wrestling Napkins (Price: .34)
Pirate Figure (Price: .20)
Stupid Earrings (Price: .10)
Rubber Creatures (Price: .40)
Real Hip Patch (Price: .33)
Tiny Champagne Glasses (Price: .33)
Giant Pixie Stick (Price: .59)
Digimon Cups (Price: .45)
Blue Bunny Peeps (Price: .99)
Easter Fun Pack #1 (Price: .73)
Gluestick (Price: .59)
Paratrooper Figure (Price: .69)
Warheads Sour Egg (Price: .99)
Harry Potter Loot Bag (Price: 1.99)
Crazy Coins (Price: Free)
Ring Pop (Price: .49)
Alien Goo Thing (Price: .50)
Paint Brush Gummis (Price: .50)
The Pig Mask (Price: .99)
Plastic Snake (Price: .40)
Poison Bubbles (Price: .50)
Easter Fun Pack #2 (Price: 1.20)
Viper Gum (Price: .25)
Pokemon Party Steamer (Price: .33)
Cody Stickers (Price: .25)
Giant Crazy Straws (Price: 1.49)
Cosmic Tissues (Price: .33)
Flying Glider (Price: .30)
Power Rangers Horns (Price: .40)

TOTAL: 18.95

Maybe I should've bought a new shirt instead.

REPLIES: 49 comments


This has absolutely nothing to do with how much crap you can buy for 20 dollars, it has to do with the the chef boyardee review that you've recently put up. You said: "The commercial starred the two kids up above, Hank and Sally. They're dressed appropriately enough for the time period, though I'm a little concerned since they could easily switch outfits without it being considered gender-bending. I'm not sure which one of the children is at fault for that, but it's making me hate them in ways I don't care to describe or examine."
What made this so funny to me (and I'm sure I'm the ONLY one who thinks it's funny) is we just got done talking about androgyny in fashion today in my fashion history class. Fashion is androgynous in times when economically, all is well. (It also tends to become asymetrical, which is more expensive to produce). So that's why those kids could easily trade clothes, it was during the '80s when we were doing pretty well money-wise =)

Yeah, it was super interesting in my head, typing it out made it pretty boring. *returns to lurking*

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 03/04/2003 03:46 PM EST


I don't know if my computer sucks, I'm impatient, or if this is just a gaffe, but when I click on anything up there, I just get an ad, no pics.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 03/04/2003 03:48 PM EST


hey, i had that dinosaur ruler when i was like, 7. it was awesome.

*sniff* i miss you, dinosaur ruler.

also, regarding the chef boyardee thing, why didnt you throw up a little side-linky thing to the pac-man pasta? if my memory serves me, then didnt that also have the dreaded evil Golden Chicken Sauce?

Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 03/04/2003 03:50 PM EST


Matt, the thought about getting a new shirt is a good point, but you need to think about this:

If you DID get that new shirt, could you really have pleased the masses in such a... ummm... "different" way as you have done with spending the $20 on worthless crap? I don't think that a shopping spree for 1 shirt could have been as entertaining. Then again, people do need clothes. This is deffinatly a tricky question to ponder. I do believe that the entertainment you provide is worth forgoing getting that new shirt. You know, opportunity costs and all!

keep up the good work, damn good page!

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan @ 03/04/2003 04:11 PM EST


Yep, I was just impatient. It works for me now. Sorry folks.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 03/04/2003 04:14 PM EST


it wasn't nearly as boring as waiting for X-E to load on dial-up. and now i know i'm not nearly as bored as matt. i mean, CRAP man! all this money from UGO and you spend it at Party City? Jesus Christ, I hope you atleast have one fucked up, bitching party full of debauchery and depravity to rival anything Studio 54 did. :-D

Chestnuts roasted by Indie @ 03/04/2003 04:34 PM EST


I can't imagine trying to load the site on dial-up. Look, I'm trying - can't do it. Can't imagine it. :/

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 03/04/2003 04:38 PM EST


I've got a dial-up connection! I know what its like! And seeing as how I've never had anything better it doesn't seem too bad to me. You people and your fast internet connections, think you're so special don't you!? Well... YOU ARE!

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan @ 03/04/2003 05:14 PM EST


Loading this site on dial-up sucks, lemme tell you. It's not nearly as bad as the Onion, though. THAT fucker drives me to drink. Aw, who am I kidding. Everything drives me to drink. Um, haha. Or something.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 03/04/2003 05:17 PM EST


This is a little late, but, my friend and I read the Strawberry Shortcake article and we must say that we are concerned about your health Matt. It reads like you wrote it high as a kite and off in another world.
We love you, get help.

Chestnuts roasted by Worried and Concerned @ 03/04/2003 05:29 PM EST


Guilty as charged.

How else do you write about SS cereal?

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 03/04/2003 05:30 PM EST


hitler had a cereal? oh wait...

When you say "dirty guy in dirty truck" do you mean the mailman?

That would be hilarious!

Chestnuts roasted by elbertdw @ 03/04/2003 05:49 PM EST


That pig mask is very haunting. I swear, but evertime I look at it, I feel something tugging at my soul. Maybe it was the sandwhich I had for lunch.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 03/04/2003 05:50 PM EST


You should've tried getting that big ass Easter bunny. Or the Batman mask, so when you wear the Hulk Hands, you could pretend that you're actually Batman, but deformed, like the Penguin. Or the other way around, I'm not sure.

And by the way, the Strawberry Shortcake cereal article had some of the most flowery and beautiful prose I've ever seen. I guess that says a lot about my reading habits.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 03/04/2003 06:03 PM EST


When I first saw the pig mask I shouted something like "AAAHHHHH!!!! FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHITFUCK!!!!" I think that because it made me think of "Motel Hell". But then thinking of "Motel Hell" made me think of "Commander USA's Groovie Movies" and the I just broke out in the biggest shit-eating grin since Willy Wonka came out on wide-screen dvd.

So thanks, pig mask, for making me think of Commander USA.

By the Way, should someone start a cult for the "Alien Goo Thing"?

Chestnuts roasted by Ronnie Pruitt @ 03/04/2003 06:07 PM EST


Hey, I had that dinosaur ruler too. Several of them, I think. I loved dinosau- what am I saying, I LOVE dinosaurs!
Matt, you see the joy you bring into the lives of the little people? I'm sure that's what drives you to continue XE. And it's better than sitting in a cubicle from 9 till 5. That too ;P

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 03/04/2003 07:01 PM EST


Where can i get an X-E t-shirt??

Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 03/04/2003 07:47 PM EST


I want that Harry Potter lootbag. Maybe it comes with a Lucious Malfoy picture. Mmmm... Lucious Malfoy................

Chestnuts roasted by Otaku Queen @ 03/04/2003 08:55 PM EST


I confess an inappropriate attraction to the Harry Potter guys too. Something about the idea (to quote the Kids in the Hall) of "coaxing young boys into manhood". Is that so wrong?

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 03/04/2003 11:26 PM EST


I was talking about the guy's dad, dude! I can't do young boys!! Well... maybe the captain of the Quidditch team... mheheheheh........ but no!! I just want Lucious Malfoy. He's the reason I saw the flick twice. And forced my boyfriend to grow his hair long and dye it white. And bought him a cobra headed cane/sword as an engagement present. *cough*

Chestnuts roasted by Otaku Queen @ 03/04/2003 11:52 PM EST


Everyone had those dinosaur rulers. Love for dinosaur rulers. Matt should review dinosaur rulers. Dinosaur rulers make me horny. Like a triceratops. Ha ha ha!

Actually, except for the newer items on there like WWF/E napkins and Digimon cups, I've owned just about everything on that list at one time or another. Even a dollar store pig mask, although mine had no mouth, was rubber, and had a purple tuft of hair (it looked kinda like a fake Bebop).

And does anyone remember when Madballs used to be sold in the dollar store? I wish I'd bought them all then -- they're costing me quite a bit to acquire through ebay. I love Madballs. Matt, review Madballs. AGAIN.

Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 03/05/2003 12:17 AM EST


The best kind of canned pasta I've ever had is the Spider-Man pasta from about five years ago. It had a good, slightly cheesy tomato sauce, and big pieces of pasta shaped like webs and Spidey heads. I don't eat meat so I don't know if the kind with meatballs was any good. It disappeared soon after the cartoon ended, but many were the happy lunchtimes with big a bowl of Spidey....

I don't know what any of that means. Sorry.

Chestnuts roasted by Action Jacktion @ 03/05/2003 12:26 AM EST


I second Wacko in wanting an X-E shirt, and make sure the peanut is on it.

Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 03/05/2003 02:12 AM EST


AAHH! more creepy harry potter fangirls! i've had enough of those today! bah!

well, at least you aren't putting the kids into odd homoerotic fanfiction...

*shudders*

Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 03/05/2003 03:07 AM EST


Where do I purchase X-entertainment paraphernalia
and memorabilia? I have seen ads like mad, but never a store or shop (or even a shoppe) link. I may not be looking hard enough though.

At $20 per shirt, one could become richer than Ron Jeremy or MC Hammer in no time.

Chestnuts roasted by Gary Coleman could kick Carl Winslow's (Reginald Veljohnson's) ass @ 03/05/2003 09:29 AM EST


cool article once again. i love dinosaur rulers too. do u meant the skellington ones? tastic

Chestnuts roasted by tin man @ 03/05/2003 10:02 AM EST


while throwing a suprise party (read: excuse to drink my wieght in vodka) I too discovered the wonder that is Party City. Truly a life changing experience. and you gotta love the abundance of plastic crowns.

mmmmmm... plastic crowns....

Chestnuts roasted by Donny Wahlbergs left nipple @ 03/05/2003 10:12 AM EST


One thing about the nintendo Power article that wasn't mentioned. On the Castlevania tip, the question is:

"No Matter how hard I try, I can't seem to beat the five boss characters"

As a reader, we are supposed to believe that another reader sent this question in, and they answered it. So tell me how a reader was able to reach any of the other four boss characters, if he couldn't beat the first one. Nintendo Power is full of lies, and false hope.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 03/05/2003 11:03 AM EST


PS. The link to the nintendo cereal article isn't working either. X-E is full of lies and false hope... similar to Nintendo Power. Maybe XE ISSSS Nintendo Power?!?

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 03/05/2003 11:11 AM EST


The cereal ad works.

God, that jingle from the ad is still catchy after all these years.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 03/05/2003 02:01 PM EST


Wait... in the "Howard and Nester" comic, if Nester is supposed to be playing a Nintendo Entertainment System, why is there a cartridge visible sticking out of the top of the system... like the Sega Master System but not the NES, which you front-loaded the cartridge into and then closed the door before playing? Well, okay, Nester can't be playing the obviously superior Sega Master System, since the Sega Master System was black (sucka). I suppose Nester might be playing a Famicom, the Japanese 8-bit Nintendo system upon which the NES was based... but why? Unless, of course, this comic is actually translated from Japanese, if there was a Japanese equivalent to Nintendo Power... the art looks vaguely Japanese, but the panel design is wrong if it were Japanese, since most manga panels are taller than panels in American comics to accomodate vertical-text-oriented speech ballons. (In Japanese, the panels would be right-to-left, but this comic could be flipped.)

Most likely explanation... they just sent a script to a commercial comic artist who didn't even know what a NES looked like.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 03/05/2003 03:10 PM EST


Is there any way I can donate money to this site? Like paypal or something.

Chestnuts roasted by Chemosh @ 03/05/2003 03:57 PM EST


Don't forget about the Power Team on Video Power!
http://www.nesplayer.com/television/vidpower_files/power.htm

Chestnuts roasted by Famicon @ 03/05/2003 04:41 PM EST


Just a quick comment. Take a look at what the caption is beneath the grim reaper in the nintendo power article. "A boomerang or dagger will make sure that he doesn't come". Does'nt the lord of death deserve to get off just as much as the next person?

Chestnuts roasted by eric @ 03/05/2003 04:54 PM EST


I hope you all (where you all = Steve Brandon) realize that there was a NES system that was a top loader. I'm not sure what it's name is, but it does exist, my friend still uses his.

They also made Atari for Girls, it was pink, and supposedly worked better than the normal version. I'm not sure how, but mebbe the pink had something to do with it.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan @ 03/05/2003 06:32 PM EST


I remember there were alternate, more streamlined versions of both the SMS and NES towards the end of their lifespans, but I don't recall there being any top-loading NES units in North America at the time the comic was made (early 1988).

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 03/05/2003 07:59 PM EST


I remember the toploading NES. It was ghastly looking. The worst thing about it was that if your game started to crap out on you, you couldn't just open up the little door and blow on it, magically rendering it serviceable again. Does anyone else question the logistics of that?

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 03/05/2003 08:06 PM EST


"After a short drop, Pit's arrow is shooting upwards again."

Ewww.

Chestnuts roasted by Sargasm @ 03/05/2003 08:37 PM EST


I'd buy an XE shirt in a heart beat. My hand cramps up from writing "x-entertainment" on every bathroom wall in every bar I go to. Yes, I vandalize in the name of Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 03/05/2003 08:55 PM EST


to Action Jacktion,

Its funny you mention that spider-man pasta, They have a bunch of it at my local dollar tree.

Chestnuts roasted by Patrick N @ 03/05/2003 09:46 PM EST


Along with the X-E shirt, how about a genuine X-E knock-off Pokemon figure? Yes, it can in the shape of a peanut.

Chestnuts roasted by !@#$%^&*()~ @ 03/05/2003 10:12 PM EST


So, apparently my desires ARE so wrong. On another sexual note... "a dagger will make sure that he doesn't come". Yeah, nothing puts an end to arousal like a well timed stabbing.

Looking over the list again, what the hell are "paint brush gummis"? You can't quite tell from the picture if they're paintbrush shaped or what. If they aren't, why call them that? And do you remember those gummi Coke bottles (they might still make them, I haven't checked), and those giant gummi blue-on-the-top, white-on-the-bottom sharks? The Coke bottles were great, sour and colalicious, and the sharks tasted like gelatin fortified crap.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 03/05/2003 11:41 PM EST


For those of you who don't know about the origins of NES/Famicom (Family Computer) please gather 'round, all will be explained by the Flying Dutchman.

Magnavox Odyssey (1972) was the first removable cartidge game console; it sucked and had no microprocessor, only diodes and transistors. It couldn't produce backgrounds, so you had to put an overlay on your television screen. Fairchild Channel F was released in 1976. In 1977, Atari released cx2600. Coleco followed up with ColecoVision in 1982. In 1983, Family Computer was released (the Japanese edition of the NES, called Famicom for short) hit Japan. The system was ugly. Really ugly. You see, back then companies wanted to stress educational possibilities of video games, so they called them "computers". This worked until Mystique released Custer's Revenge for the Atari Video Computer System, cx2600, and people could have General George Custer rape a Native American women tied to a pole. PlayAround re-released Custer's as General Retreat/Westward Ho later after Mystique went belly up (and one has to wonder how a company that made shitty "adult" games for Atari, meaning about 4KB total available memory on the cartridge so nothing was very clear, could fail), which allowed women to play as the Native American women. It was then that people realized video game consoles were solely for recreation; many people also realized that spending $50 on a stupid pr0n game for Atari was the biggest waste of money ever as you couldn't tell what was going on in them. Back to Famicom, if I ever found one I would get a hammer and send it to hell. eBay search or GIS for Famicom or Nintendo Family Computer and see what I mean. It was top loading, and the games were about half the size of US games, because the actual boards inside the games are small compared to use cart sizes. The controllers on the original Famicom were hardwired to the system; they couldn't be disconnected and you couldn't use any accessories like the then not-yet-existent Power Pad or Power Glove. The game carts were basically the same size as Sega Genesis cart, so this where the confusion is coming in. The system was redesigned and re-released in 1993 as the sexy top loader most Americans are familiar with. The top loading NES is worth quite a bit of money now, as they are pretty rare. You cannot use a Famicom on a US television set, so don't bother buying one unless you plan to modify it. Thus you are unable to buy a Famicom version 2 and pass it off as a top loading Nintendo Entertainment System.

The games were also different for each system (aside from the obvious language difference), Famicom used 60 pins, while the US carts were 72 pin connections (to console). So, you will also need an adaptor to play the games on your US NES. You are probably asking, but where do you get one of these "adaptors"? Ebay has them, but you might already have one and not even know it. Some older games like Excite Bike, Stack Up, and Hogan's Alley may feel heavier than a "normal" cartridge. This is a good sign, unless you filled them with sand or something, then it would a good sign that you are frigging retarded. If you don't care about the cart, crack it open (I mean unscrew, not bust it open like a coconut; you will need a 3.8mm security screwdriver bit) and you may see that there are two boards in the cart, connected by an adaptor of some sort. This is the 60 to 72 pin adaptor. Nintendo kind of rushed production, and instead of making new boards for US NES games, just "adapted" some of the Famicom ones. You can remove the adaptor and use it to play Famicom games on your 72-pin US NES system.

A note of warning, I don't advise you to open or unscrew anything unless you know what you are doing. There are inherent risks to such undertakings and you may not only ruin your cart, you may ruin your NES and other games. This has been verified as being authentic; and the adaptor is guaranteed to work as it is made by Nintendo specifically to run 60-pin games using a 72-pin connection. As always, opening/servicing any part of a system or game may void your manufacturer's warranty.

So in conclusion, there was a top loading Nintendo console in existence in 1988; only it wasn't the NES, it was Famicom. Hope this clears everything up for those of you who were/are confused.

Chestnuts roasted by Gary Coleman S+1LL pWNz j00!!1! @ 03/05/2003 11:54 PM EST


The Nintendo Powerline... I still have that number memorized. It's funny, because the first thing i though of when i saw the article about Nintendo Power was that phone number. Thing is, i used to call that line before it was a toll call. I had the 800#. I was also on a first-name basis with my favorite "Game Counselor" Richard. I would call him a couple times daily. We'd talk about Zelda, and how i wanted to draw a comic and have it printed in the Fun Club newsletter. We'd discuss the artwork in game manuals, and whether it came from an actual cartoon. He'd also help me through tough parts of games, in real-time, as i was playing. I mean Richard and i talked for a good hour or two sometimes. He'd even put me on hold to take other calls and come back to me. I always called and asked for him by name. No one was better than Richard. I guess it was his job, but there's no reason he had to be so nice to me, and talk to me for so long. And he never treated me like just some dumb kid calling and bothering him. Without Richard, i might not be quite the gamer i am today.

We stopped talking i think, because Nintendo switched the Game Couselor line to a 900# at one point. I wonder what Richard is doing right now..... I miss him.

Chestnuts roasted by Cristofer @ 03/06/2003 03:51 AM EST


AIEEE!

Chestnuts roasted by dollarstore @ 03/07/2003 08:26 PM EST


if anyone wants to see what all the weird-ass japanese nintendos looked like, check THIS out.

it's in some language that i totally can't comprehend, but it's got some neato pictures, and the names are all in english.

Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 03/09/2003 05:51 AM EST


ALSO: that site PROVES that there WAS a top loading american NES before the 'redesign' in 93'. just take a gander at THIS. i'm not sure if this was official or anything, but it's there nonetheless.

Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 03/09/2003 05:55 AM EST


I used to wear those sticker ear rings all the time.

Bling Bling.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica @ 03/09/2003 04:39 PM EST


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Chestnuts roasted by ogoma @ 07/02/2004 05:06 AM EST