11/06/2002 Entry: "Past Article Spotlight"

I want to try something a little different - past article spotlights. Several people had suggested that I 'rerun' older articles on slow weeks, or weeks when I'm too busy eating chicken, but I dunno, I don't really think that's for me. It's not that I'm above recycling my own content, I just don't particularly like the older stuff versus the newer stuff. If I write an article today, I'll read it in a week and find ten things I wish I would've written differently. It doesn't bug me too much, since I'm sure I'm the only person in the world critiquing X-E articles from 2001. Still, I wouldn't throw the same articles up on the main page and pass it off as your new material for the day.

That said, I've written hundreds of articles, and for assorted reasons, some get lost in the shuffle. With the two I'm spotlighting today, it was purely my fault. Both these were written during X-E's 'down period,' where I wouldn't update for weeks on end, sometimes leaving a gap of over a month between articles. I had just moved into a new apartment, and my life had become sort of busy and very messy - doing the site was just about the last thing on my mind. Still, every once and again it'd hit me that I wanted to write about something. So, in the midst of being totally broke with a lot of bills and laying on the floor of my living room with a bottle of Jose Cuervo, somehow these two were piped out:

The Chilling Chinchilla Tale: When people become kinda destitute, they look for things to take their minds off their pathetic lives. In my case, I took cash that would've been better served for new car tires before winter struck, and what did I do with it? Bought a stupid chinchilla. The rat cost over a hundred bucks itself, but add in the cage, food, water bottle, pellet dish, dust bath, and whatever else, the total bill was well over 200. Just to make sure I was acting foolish, I bought several fish on the same trip and then had the pleasure of transporting all these animals from the store to my car, by myself. Making matters worse, my landlord didn't allow pets, so I had to sneak all this shit past their front door. I did get an article out of it, though! By the way, I've gotten a few e-mails on this: yes, the chinchilla is still alive. No, I'm not having sex with it.

Guinness Beer's Special Secret: The articles where I 'make toys talk' are easily some of my favorites, because they surprise me. Even after I take the pictures, it's not until I sit down and type the shit out that I have any idea where the story's going to go. Spontaneity can be just as important as anything else when it comes to writing, and while I don't think this article was one of the best I've done like it, it's certainly spontaneous. Problem was, I'm not sure everyone 'got it.' The premise was that Guinness beer cans actually did have ping pong ball inside 'em as a 'floatation device' or something. I didn't just pretend they were in there for the sake of weirdness. Still, the only readers who could've actually connected with this story on any true level were the ones who, at one point, sliced open their empty beer cans with a box cutter to see what was inside. I guess I overestimated how many people actually did things like that. Mah bad.

Enjoy. Click 'more' to see some reader mail on recent articles...

Article Feedback:

Jim from Phantasmo writes: I know you're a toy freak, but maybe you dumbed down the Bootleg Wrestler post for people.. Either way.. I know the real origins of like, all that shit in there.

- Chilla - Jerry Lynn's ECW figure body, no clue on the head
- Whitey - Sandman's ECW figure, no clue on the head
- Appleseed - Mike Motherfucking Awesome's ECW figure with a dye job, apparently
- Animal - Ballz Mahoney's ECW figure, same head deal as the rest..

- Belt - I have no fucking idea
- Underground - Raven's ECW figure
- Boris and TNKane - Beats me.

All of the accessories are from WWF figures, except the crate, I think that's from the ECW line. The stereo equipment is actually a vertical speaker that came with a couple different WWF playsets. Of course, if you knew all of this already, just disregard the email. I know too much useless shit.

Reply: Johnny Underground does look sort of like Raven, now that I look at him again. Though if it was Raven, shouldn't the figure have come with a trash can lid and an 8x10 of Roddy Piper?

Symptom writes: First off, I just read that Mortal Kombat animated series review. It brought up the question of another MK animated series. There was. It aired on USA about 4 years ago when they still had Saturday Morning Cartoons. It took placed during the MK3 game's time period. You know, when the gate opened and there's all hell on earth. It's more like GI Joe, but with super powers.

Question about an animated series in late 80's early 90's: There was this one cartoon I've been trying to figure out the name of for quite some time now. It was about these knights that had animal insignias on their sheilds/armor and we're able to summon that animal out of that sheild/armor. The toys themselves had holograms on the knight's chests with that certain animal on them. I know this is a real series and it was only out for a season or too. It's not King Arthur and the Knights of Justice, they summoned weapons. It was a different series and I can't remember the name. If you know what it was called it would be much appreciated.

Reply: I sure do remember that show, and the toys....

It was called 'Visionaries'.

DR writes: Christopher Lambert was originally all set to do the sequel. Except for one small problem: When Lambert found out that the Raiden character was scripted into fight scenes for the 2nd movie, Lambert fled. Lambert just didn't want to do fight scenes and after failed attempts to get things changed, he just turned down the role.

Reply: That's interesting. Didn't know that was the reason, but if it kept Lambert away from the sequel, it's a-okay with me.

Mario writes: I'm writing in regard of the background that you used for your recent wrestling article (11/3/02). The pink head with the blue star in the middle of his face. It stuck me as familiar but I cannot remember where it's from. Could you let me know?

Reply: I made that graphic using an image from Nintendo's old 'Pro-Wrestling' game. The guy with the star on his head was creatively known as 'Starman.'

That's all for now, stay tuned to the main page - G.I. Joe article going up a bit later.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/06/2002 09:55 AM EST

If you want to know one of my ways to escape, it's reading daily stories from a site called x-ent...oh that's right. This site makes me laugh - ever since I read about using Mumm-Ra's lair to change him into a Snickers bar.

Your challenge is serious enough, though. People know when you're funny. And with the right formatting, they'll also know you're serious.

Chestnuts roasted by XP Ranger @ 11/06/2002 11:37 AM EST

i don't know... talking about alcoholism would kind of throw me for a loop on xe. it'd be like barney talking about his ten year fight with porn addiction. i guess the whole point is that people come here for escape and nostalgia and not the intricate details describing the color of beer vomit. that's just my opinioin...

Chestnuts roasted by alex kidd @ 11/06/2002 11:59 AM EST

I think it would be a really, really good idea to do an article like that - "today, on a very special x-e". I'm sure a lot of visitors to your site go through shit and it's always good to hear (and learn) from others who have gone through and come out of dark places. Except if it's about skull fucking. It may sound cheesy, but to hear somthing from a guy like you is going to have more effect on a reader than an episode of Oprah.

Anyways those are my thoughts.

Love,

Dorothy

PS I'm loving your work.

Chestnuts roasted by Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak Hollingsworth @ 11/06/2002 01:53 PM EST

Matt,
I think people would "get it" if you tried to do a serious article. I mean, yea we come for the laughs but your audience is around your age and probably have to deal with many of the things you have. Or may know a friend who is going through something similar. On a lighter note I bought my girlfriend one of those South American rats and now my house is covered in dust. How long can they live and is there any way to kill it without her knowing?

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 11/06/2002 02:55 PM EST

Brian - believe me, there is NO WAY TO KILL A CHINCHILLA. Before I moved out of my last apartment, the chinchilla got out and I couldn't find it. Then I pretty much dissapeared. For weeks. When I got back, no sign of the chinchilla. I started packing up as I was moving to my new apartment that month, and I fully expected to find a poor dead rat somewhere under the couch or something. Nope, even after three weeks of no food or water - there he was, hiding behind the stove, looking as healthy as ever.

You cannot destroy the chinchilla.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/06/2002 03:01 PM EST

If you wanna have some fun, you should pick up a chinchilla by it's tail and watch what happens. Just say I didn't warn you.

Oh yeah. I'll give a cookie to anyone who knows what my name is from. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Speedy Service @ 11/06/2002 03:23 PM EST

I've had to do that, Speedy. :) Sometimes it's the only way to catch it if it gets out, and since we have cats, I've gotta catch her as quickly as possible. The results are interesting - I'm thinking about marketing handheld chinchillas as portable fans.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/06/2002 03:35 PM EST

Matt-

In regards to the alcohol thing, I think a number of us have been there - we all remember our childhoods, and this is a great sight to reminisce on. But if you wanted to takle a serious issue, even if it was just a story or an insider's perspective, I think it would go over pretty well. Of course, you could also be really sick of people harping on it, at which point, i shut up now.

Chestnuts roasted by Voodoo Ben @ 11/06/2002 04:52 PM EST

i actually enjoyed the guiness article alot thought it was clever and funny, probably because i 2 can relate to using the jaws of life on my beer can

Chestnuts roasted by tom @ 11/06/2002 05:43 PM EST

Heh... Just realized I actually read both these articles when they were posted. I am so lame.

"There were nights where we'd stand in grocery stores in the middle of the night staring at a case of bud and debating whether or not to spend the last of the cash on it...again. :)" I'm pretty sure that's exactly the sort of sentence that should not end in a smiley face.

Really, anything you feel like putting up, I'll read, because, as noted near the beginning, I'm a pathetic X-E fan. But I think your work serves as a better deterrent than a whole long sad boring article about your addictions. Fr'example, just mentioning en passant that you considered K to be "holy shit" bad convinced me never to try it (well, that and my lethal fear of putting anything up my nose). I guess the point I'm getting at here is that if you just drop the anti-whatever messages into the normal flow, they'll have more effect than if you dedicated an entire article to them. Cause you're a cool guy, and I'd say there's a fair number of people (or maybe it's just me, creepy creepy stalkerboy) who want to emulate you. Well, except for the drinking and so on.

Chestnuts roasted by Begbie @ 11/06/2002 07:28 PM EST

Loved the G.I. Joe article. Just wondering what your fave Cobra vehicle was? Mine was the BUGG, the big mofo with the sub and the little sleds. At one point I had more vehicle than figures with that thing. Later.

Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 11/06/2002 08:32 PM EST

I remember reading both these articles when first posted. Just wanted to let you know I also cut open my beer can when the curiosity of just what in hell a widget was overrode good common sense.

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 11/07/2002 05:37 AM EST

Matt,
Thanks for the info. I can not ever catch it and now I know I can't kill it. GREAT! I have to deal with a cross between the Terminator and Barry Sanders.

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 11/07/2002 10:54 AM EST

yea yea yea... i know no one will ever read this but... i just had to take my claim to fame here... i have killed a chinchilla... thing was i was petsitting... my aunt was pissed...

Chestnuts roasted by Hikaru @ 09/11/2004 12:08 PM EST