One of the sad byproducts of having such an elephantine blog archive is that nobody bothers looking at it.
I don’t blame you. The X-E blog went live in 2002, and save for design changes and a migration to WordPress, it really hasn’t changed much since Day 1. That means no convenient tags, and only a brief flirtation with categories. Even if you know exactly what you’re looking for, it takes work to get there. Maybe I should do something about that?
In the interim, I’d like to draw attention to some of my favorite holiday-themed posts from years past.
First, some notes:
1. Even back during the blog’s 2002 debut, I was fucking up the Advent Calendar and hearing shit about it.
2. It’s so strange to look back at the comments on the oldest posts. Some of them are over nine years old. God knows if any of those people still read the site. Probably not more than a handful. Let’s say someone who commented back then was 18. Now he’d or she’d be 27! I can’t help imagining how their lives could have changed over that time. Some of them may be dead!
3. In 2002, I had a pretty ugly Christmas tree.
Below: A list of exactly 21 old holiday blogs. Most of them are from last year, because when we go back further than that, my misuse of quotation marks is even more legendary than it is today.
|Pop-Tarts Gingerbread House!
Joy was in abundance when I received strict orders to transform a Pop-Tarts box into a gingerbread house. (2010)
|The Amazing Farm Animals Bucket!
This one got around, big time. It’s one of the most widely read things I’ve written in years. People like ducks. (2010)
|The Ultimate Christmas Stocking!
Finally, clueless parents can learn how to stuff stockings like a pro. (2010)
|Macy’s Holiday Smurf Doll!
I will always fondly remember that trip to Macy’s, and the strange looks I got while photographing a Smurf doll riding an escalator. (2010)
|Snoopy Gingerbread Doghouses!
Love this one. It’s just so Christmassy. And Christmessy. Behind the poor craftsmanship was the holiday spirit, realized through frosting. (2010)
|Make Your Own Snowman World!
Most of the “kits” I buy for the site end up being pretty disappointing, but this one overachieved. If you can find it, it’s worth every penny. (2010)
|Holiday Lucky Charms – From 1991!
One of my biggest X-E joys is covering stuff like this. It was one of the few times when I had something I was sure nobody else did. (2010)
|Simplest Artichoke Recipe Ever!
Still a great recipe, but if I’m being honest, artichoke rookies are better off trying the full-sized real deals, which are stuffed with enough goodies to barely pass as vegetables. (2010)
I wrote this in early November of last year, when the holiday season was just beginning. Always such an exciting time, and I can see my happiness even in a post about cranberry English Muffins. (2010)
|Cheetos White Cheddar Snowballs!
Writing about things like this will never make me famous, but I adore being one of the Internet’s only resources for discontinued Cheetos. (2009)
|Mr. Snowman Sno-Cone Maker!
I haven’t gone back to read this one. I’m assuming it’s interesting, since it’s about a snowman who shits snowcones. If it isn’t, don’t tell me. (2008)
Another case of a review that meant more to me than anyone who read it. I will always associate cheap, bad cologne with Christmastime. (2008)
|Swanson’s Turkey TV Dinner!
If this makes you hungry, keep in mind that there are much leaner versions available. The sodium will still kill you. (2007)
I’d like to believe that I was one of the web’s first supporters of Christmas Vacation-style moose mugs. Years after their first reference on X-E, I got mine. (2007)
|The 5-in-1 Super Mega Christmas Pen!
I wish I could find random stuff like this more often. If I had to pick one post to show me what this place really should be about, this may be it. (2007)
The story of a drunken Christmas party and a corresponding trip to our local manger. I still have those pewter elk shot glasses. (2006)
|Obscurely Awesome Garfield Christmas Moments!
Since I’ve never given Garfield’s Christmas special a “big” review, this will have to do. (2006)
|Ice Berry Krispies Cereal!
“Ice Berry Krispies” still sounds so incredibly appetizing. That is the only reason why I’m including this here. (2006)
|Holiday Cheetohs Turn Your Tongue Green!
Hey, more Cheetos! These are more noteworthy than the White Cheddar Snowballs, not just because they’re older, but also because they made your mouth look slimy. (2005)
|The Christmas Sushi Roll!
I had a blast during my office run with Nick, especially on the day I was introduced to the “Christmas Roll.” I wasn’t prepared for that much tuna at the time, but now, I’d be all over it. (2004)
|Pepsi Holiday Spice!
I don’t think I was being too hard on Holiday Spice, here. Loved the concept, but it plainly did not taste good. Yet, I wish they’d bring it back. Go figure. (2004)
Eagle-eyed readers may think that I’ve simply cannibalized the HTML from my tribute to Halloween GIFs. They’d be right.