I chose the font in that logo because it looked something like macaroni and cheese. You can’t imagine the thought that goes into every facet of this website. Where is my fame?
After their critically acclaimed Halloween experiment, Kraft is going for extra points with new ‘Tis the Chees’n mac & cheese. Unfortunately for us all, the previous sentence said all that needed saying. How am I going to stretch this out?
Maybe the snowman can get me through another paragraph? Sure he can; look at him! This is the official Kraft Snowman™, as made clear by his orange macaroni scarf. Why else would he so proudly present these limited edition winter shapes? He obviously has a stake in this.
Oh, and notice that painting in the background? The weird creature on the right? Well, I painted that, and the weird creature is named Bibo. In real life, Bibo was an alien alarm clock, sold by Archie McPhee back before they limited their awesomeness to things based on bacon. He had a Snork-like antenna and a clock for a stomach. I used to bring him to school during my sophomore year. I paid the price for that every day.
The winter shapes are joyous, because there’d be no point otherwise. Included are snowflakes, snowmen, stockings and candy canes. The candy canes, requiring two words that don’t begin with “s,” are the ostracized bastards of the Kraft winter shapes social circle. Due to Bibo, I understand their pain.
I like to convey the complete experience with my photos. I fully admit to sometimes including too many, which boxes me into corners where the only way out is to write too much and cut corners with alien alarm clock stories.
Whatever. I still think it was important for you to see the cooking process.
Problem is, it’s tough to take a focused picture of macaroni being dumped into boiling water. It’s not like I have a production assistant waiting around for his big moment. The above was the best I could do, and it bothered the hell out of me.
Then I remembered that my ancient camera has the ability to record video, and figured that it’d be easier to do it that way. I could just take one sharp screengrab from the QuickTime, later.
Somewhere in the confusion, I forgot to remove the cheese dust before dumping in the pasta. I managed to rescue it, but the fingers on my left hand still look like I just got done hammering them. Where is my fortune?
If only I still had Bibo. He would’ve set me straight. Your lives wouldn’t have been at all different had I skipped the picture of boiling macaroni. Oh, Bibo. Why did the popular kids hate you so much?
I may have let the pasta soak too long, as I can’t remember the last time Kraft’s macaroni quadrupled in size when placed in water. It must be going on ten, eleven years.
It’s beautiful. It really is. The holiday spirit can take any form, even that of orange pasta. If I knew someone who was dying, I’d feed him this every day. He’d forget the negatives and smile bright. He might even live.
Rudolph was on tonight. I can’t tell you how nicely it pairs with Christmas-shaped mac & cheese. Like, right when the broken elephant started singing about misfits, I noticed a snowman in my bowl who had no head. Seasonal synchronicity. The best kind there is.
I’d like to thank Bibo the Clock for making this all possible.
UPDATE: Nic M. over on X-E’s FB page very correctly implied that this review was worth jack without some form of Christmas-themed macaroni art.
So there you go.