This week kinda sucked, but it’s ending on the up, and I have the fifteen-inch photo to prove it:
Betty Crocker, let’s make out. Franken Berry and Boo Berry Fruit Roll-Ups! I don’t know if these are new-for-2010, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen them. When I did, I lost all sense of proper public behavior and let out an audible “yesssss” right there in Waldbaum’s, complete with crooked elbow hand-raising action. Shame means nothing when you’re about to eat Fruit Roll-Ups with pictures of Boo Berry’s head on them.
The blending of General Mills’s Monster Cereals and phony fruit goodness is not a new development. I’ve already covered Franken and Boo’s Fruit By The Foot forays, here and here. Those were nice finds, but getting these guys onto Fruit Roll-Ups somehow seems like a bigger deal. Fruit Roll-Ups have tenure. This is the big leagues, honey.
Unfortunately, manufacturers have remained reluctant to roll the dice on Count Chocula fruit snacks, I suppose because chocolate isn’t a fruit. Still think they can pull it off, though. Chocolate Twizzlers are kind of the same thing, and millions of people eat those, even if I find them to be proof that Satan runs candy factories. It just seems ridiculous that the arguable leader of the Monster Cereals can’t cash in on these spinoffs. Count Chocula is easygoing, but every cocoa vampire has their limits.
They didn’t skimp, not one bit. The individual Roll-Up wrappers are almost too gorgeous to tear apart, at least until the sweet scents of fabricated berries start seeping through, sending you into a fruit frenzy.
The official flavor names are the same as those used for the monsters’ Fruit By The Foot attractions. Franken Berry gets “Strawberry Scream” Roll-Ups, while Boo Berry has “Razzle Boo Blitz.” Both sound like failed ice cream flavors.
As for the actual snacks, they’re better than all other Fruit Roll-Ups, for several reasons.
For one thing, there’s no perforated shapes to punch out. I understand that some people enjoy that gimmick, but I don’t. Those cutout shapes screw with their durability, totally hampering our ability to wrap them around our index fingers and suggestively suck ’em down to nothing. And don’t act like you don’t do that, because everyone does. What I’ve just described is second only to rolling the entire thing into a big fruity ball, and stuffing it between your teeth and cheek as if you were part hamster.
Plus, while other types of Fruit Roll-Ups may come in more interesting flavors, they don’t have pictures of friendly monsters on them. I’d have to think long and hard to name even one foodstuff that wouldn’t be improved with the addition of tiny Boo Berry heads.
Veal, maybe? Even Boo Berry can’t save that. Veal is gross.