At this precise moment, I'm loaded up on Percocets, trying to defeat a wisdom tooth gone awry. The pain started this weekend, and I've been trying every home remedy I can find. Salt rinses, peroxide rinses, cold teabags, hot teabags, whiskey, raw fucking potato slices -- you name it. As you might have guessed, splashing a troubled tooth over and over again, and wedging wildly varying things against it, has served less to alleviate any pain and more to just piss the tooth off.

I can't tell if it's the Percocets or the lingering memories of errant scenes from Wild Things, but I'm about three throbbing stings of death away from grabbing a pair of pliers. Worst of all, I'm one of those people who constantly looks up my ailments. I can confirm that a toothache feels five times more horrible after you've spent an hour looking at fucked up teeth on Google's image search.

You know what else doesn't help? Writing about toothaches. But the show must go on.

Hooookay kids, we're in the home stretch! It's time to look at the last entries for X-E's Least Favorite TV Character Paint Contest, and there are some doozies in this batch. Incidentally, typing the word "doozies" makes my tooth hurt even more. I hate that I was the person charged with identifying this previously unknown toothache trigger. I hate everything.

I've decided not to name the grand prize winner just yet. It seemed only fair to let everyone have a good look at the final entries first, because I'm going to need to review the audience reaction if I really want to be certain that I'm buying an idiotic crab hat for the most deserving arteest. After you've seen this batch, go back and look at the rest, and feel free to tell the world who should win this thing in the comments. Let's plan on announcing the champion on, uh, hm, Wednesday?

ENTRY #61: "Elmo"
CREATED BY: stina

This one fascinates me. It's probably as slick as a visualization of Elmo hatred can get. I especially like how Elmo seems to be encouraging his would-be murderer to bring it on. Fearless.

ENTRY #62: "Back in Charge"
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CREATED BY: Hoverbored

From Hoverbored: "Charles (In Charge) enters a space-time anomaly (pictured at left) and exacts swift justice on Sue Sylvester of Glee.  My brother said this would be a controversial choice, but like they say, there's no bad press." I've never seen Glee, and I really despise it when I hear about TV shows that I've never watched on a seemingly hourly basis, so this one works for me. Especially the space-time anomaly part.

ENTRY #63: "Monsters Hate Monster"
CREATED BY: Naut

Naut is another Elmo-hater. Instead of conveying this hated by having an unseen assailant take aim, here he's allowed a collection of Universal Monsters to behead him, and presumably, eat his body. I love how nonchalant everyone is. The Wolfman's holding that Elmo head spike thing with as much emotion as he would a tube of life-saving Orajel.

ENTRY #64: "Johnny Lawrence"
CREATED BY: Berdo

For some reason, I can't remember who Johnny Lawrence is, though I'm fully aware that I should. Regardless, I'm a longtime advocate of art that shows me on a bike.

ENTRY #65: "Homer Simpson"
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CREATED BY: D. Soloway

This is a really well-made piece, but come on, Homer?! Everyone says that The Simpsons is traveling into less and less funny territory, but doesn't Homer get a pass? I cannot bring myself to shit on Homer, figuratively, literally or any other ely or ally.

ENTRY #66: "Leon from Roseanne"
CREATED BY: Rob B.

It's a little hard to read, but Rob is illustrating his hatred of Leon from Roseanne by placing him behind the Landford Lunchbox counter without a pair of pants. This submission leaves a little up for interpretation, but for whatever it's worth, I always liked Leon. Even during the Rodbell's era.

ENTRY #67: "The Situation and Pauly D"
CREATED BY: Rusty O.

Another Jersey Shore-inspired entry, this time including either grenades or land mines or both. I don't know. My tooth hurts.

Ah, fuck. That last Percocet just hit. Big time.

TWO HOURS LATER: Okay, I'm back. No, that wasn't some big fake Internet "passage of time" scam. I really did have to go lay down. After an hour of laying on the couch trying not to die, I realized that the friggin' tooth still hurt just as much as before, if not more so. Apparently, Percocets are able to affect each and every part of a person's body except throbbing, fiery teeth. NOW HERE'S THE REST.

ENTRY #68: "Jack Shephard"
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CREATED BY: Aaron K.

Jack from Lost gets a lot of hate, but not from me. I like Jack. Aaron would have us believe that Jack's response to any and every situation is one of stoic indifference, but archival evidence of the fabled Jackface begs to differ.

ENTRY #69: "The Ebert Before Christmas"
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CREATED BY: Doug

As Doug's e-mail noted, he hated Siskel & Ebert because they rarely seemed to give the right movies a thumbs-up. I guess that was sometimes true, but I still credit Ebert with legitimatizing Earth Girls Are Easy.

ENTRY #70: "Mick from Teen Wolf"
CREATED BY: Vasyl K.

Hey, Teen Wolf was a movie, not a TV show. It's hard not to disqualify someone who makes me italicize stuff that many times, but I won't, because this is one of the only entries that I didn't have to resize, crop, sharpen or fuck with in any way.

ENTRY #71: "David Caruso & Snuggle Bear"
CREATED BY: Jamie G.

I'm now more certain than ever that Percocets were devised solely for the purpose of reading David Caruso/Snuggle Bear comic strips.

ENTRY #72: "Carrie Bradshaw"
CREATED BY: mish mish

You know, I've never been a fan of the Sarah Jessica Parker "horse" jokes. They're mean-spirited in a totally not-cool way. I cannot think of many women who could go through life knowing that their faces are frequently likened to those belonging to horses and not seem at all messed up by it. On the other hand, this horse has red eyes and legs shaped like lightning bolts, and I'm so completely down with that.

ENTRY #73: "Edward R. Rooney"
CREATED BY: Ed W.

NOT A TV SHOW!

But it's Principal Rooney so I ain't gonna front.

ENTRY #74: "The Martians from Sesame Street"
CREATED BY: Geoff M.

On the Martians, Geoff muses: "I was absolutely terrified of them when I was a child. They are certainly not scary now, but I would run out of the room screaming bloody murder whenever they came on the television. Good times." If you're unfamiliar with these characters, watch this clip. I'd join you, but sound makes my gums bleed.

ENTRY #75: "The Ice King"
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CREATED BY: Dara B.

Dara writes: "I was watching the greatest show ever, Adventure Time, so I paused and started drawing   The tv character I hate is the Ice King, and his heart .. mostly his heart, cause it has really creepy eyebrows... or maybe it's his nose.  Sorry I don't know if we were aloud to draw more than one character at once, I just thought that scene was hilarious."

Dara, I have no idea who this guy is and can't figure out what you're trying to tell me, but I'm sure it's great and I think we should meet up and play Twister.

Actually, when the pills stop making me jitter, I have every intention of learning more about this wizard guy who carries around a heart with eyes.

ENTRY #76: "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers"
CREATED BY: sdp

sdp admits that he goofed: His misread the rules, and thought he was supposed to drum up some artwork based on a TV character he liked. But if we pretend that he hates the Power Rangers, this is a pretty awesome spread. He even got Rita and Bulk and Skull in there. I really dig this one.

Also, did anyone else ever do that trick with the silver crayon, where you color in a picture using other crayon colors, then color over everything with the silver crayon, and spend an hour scratching the silver off with your fingernails to get at the picture underneath? I know it can't be just me, and for whatever reason, sdp's MMPR art reminds me of that lost phenomenon. I am in so much pain, I am going to throw up all over your heads.

ENTRY #77: "Jamie from Small Wonder"
CREATED BY: Michael L.

Yes yes yes, I definitely agree with this. Jamie from Small Wonder was AWFUL. Seriously AWFUL. He was a presumptuous blowhard and I wanted him dead. I can't remember the name of the kid who played him, but if someone out there wants to research, and finds out that he's since passed on, and tells me the good news, they will automatically win X-E's Least Favorite TV Character Paint Contest, even if they did not enter.

ENTRY #78: "Glomer from Punky Brewster"
CREATED BY: kb

Last but not least, the saucy and sultry kb enriches our lives with this backwards-tribute to Glomer, that moronic genie cat dog gopher thing from the Punky Brewster cartoon. I'd totally forgotten that there even was a Punky cartoon until kb shoved Glomer's intolerable ass in my face. I only barely remember the live action show -- something about one of the less-important characters getting herself locked in a freezer during a game of hide-and-go-seek, or as we all know it's really called, hidin-go-seek.

Thanks to everyone who entered this wild and wooly contest, and try not to die with suspense as I carefully tally up the plusses and minuses to figure out who should go home with a crab hat.

And now it is time to swish hydrogen peroxide around my mouth until my tongue starts making Pop Rocks noises. Goodnight.