Wow, I'm shocked at how many entries came in for X-E's Least Favorite TV Character Paint Contest. Either everyone really likes making haphazard art of bad television characters, or the allure of free crab hats is even stronger than I thought. If you're thinking about participating, the deadline fast approaches!

When I reflect upon the many craft kits I've plowed through over the years, they always seemed to have an open-ended "result." I rarely bought a distinct "model" kit, in part because I was terrible at building them, but also because I hated the idea that there was little way to really personalize. This explains why I'm so fond of the new kit from Play-Doh, awkwardly titled "Make 'n Color Creatures."

The box promises that we can "make lots of wacky animals," but what they really mean is that we can make animals that simply do not exist. Sure, you could do the same with regular Play-Doh in non-kit form, but regular Play-Doh doesn't come with plastic wings and ribcages for you to stab into your creation's torso. As ever, it's the little things.

Included are five tubs of Play-Doh, four markers, a boring playmat, an activity book, and last but not least, a pile of plastic body parts to help take your creatures to all new levels of three-dimensional depravity. Remembering that Play-Doh has a scent and is nontoxic, I look at the spread above and see that no senses are left unassaulted. Before you question me, yes, I can hear it. Sometimes I wish I could take back what I've written.

We're instructed to shape our creature's body out of Play-Doh, before deciding which of those weird plastic body parts are to be included. Then, we color those in using the markers. Then, we marry them. Then, we add more Play-Doh and colored plastic body parts, because what we'd originally envisioned looked like shit after we actually put it together. It doesn't sound like an action-packed activity, but if you score it with the right stock music...

I'm pretty sure that this could kill 20 minutes, but I also know that you can do it in 3:

My animal started out as an aquatic creature, but an evolutionary hiccup awarded him duck feet. Then he grew wings and a misshapen unicorn horn, because he was already fucked by being a duck-footed fish anyway. Though bred with the ability to breathe through gills, my animal clearly has a nose, which was perhaps his attempt of adapting to the air-breathing world that winged-and-footed animals are so much more suited to. Should he succeed, he'll curse me for his olive green retinas, which will assuredly cast a distinctly inhuman hue on the world. All told, if this guy manages to piss without breaking the universe, he'll win trophies.

The Play-Doh is reusable and the plastic body parts are washable, so if things get too out of control for Creature X, I can smash him and make a nice, safe pony instead. With six tails, compound eyes and ears made out of legs. Try as it might, Play-Doh just never seems to bring out the benevolent God in me.

I've decided that I'm a-okay with Play-Doh's "Make 'n Color Creatures" kit. It's Wuzzles meets Wes Craven, and I've spent a long time hoping that something would be.