Ugh, I can't shake it!
Who Framed Roger Rabbit was on cable last night, and even though the so-bad-it's-amazing Planet of the Apes was a mere two channels away, I couldn't flip. It'd been years since I'd seen Roger Rabbit, and the memories of how absolutely huge that movie was came rushing back.
I found myself mindlessly mouthing along with the characters, having seemingly memorized every moment of the film. Roger Rabbit is an odd movie, but it seems even odder in retrospect: Like a movie made for old people that looked like a movie made for young people, but not in any kind or ironic or purposeful way. And, of course, the film's gimmick of mixing live action with animation was masterful in its day, but now seems so dated that I can't possibly imagine another film being made with the same theme, at least to this degree.
And that might be a good thing, because I really would not be able to stand watching another innocent shoe die.
Oh God, the shoe! The poor shoe!
In the film, cartoons are actual, living things, coexisting with humans as best they can. Long thought to be ageless and impossible to kill, the evil Judge Doom (played dementedly by Christopher Lloyd), presents the first known way to end a toon's life: The dip, a gloppy, steaming slime that can turn any toon into dead syrup.
As if thinking about a cartoon melting wasn't scary enough, Judge Doom felt that a demonstration was in order. As boozy Eddie Valiant watches with awe and horror, Doom grabs a wide-eyed anthropomorphic shoe, drags it over to the barrel of sludge, and methodically dunks the poor little thing in as it screeches and steams its way through a slow, painful death. OH MY GOD.
If you haven't seen the movie, I know what you're thinking. How "scary" can it be for a guy to chuck a cartoon shoe into slime? You only think that because you did not see this shoe! The pinnacle of cuteness and innocence! Worst of all, Judge Doom only chose him for this grim fate out of convenience: The shoe, not knowing any better, cozied up to Judge Doom's leg, much like a cat brushes up to let you know how awesome you are. If only that shoe picked someone else to befriend, it could've had a spinoff.
Picture it. You're a kid, and there's this cute little shoe guy on the screen, with adorable facial features and happy sounds. When that shoe touched the dip, darting its dying eyes to Judge Doom with a look of utter confusion and fear, our hearts sank. Forever.
Roger Rabbit was well-received, but some critics commented that the film was too dark, pointing to its alcoholic hero and cynical humor. It was dark, but that had little to do with Valiant's scotch or Baby Herman's dick jokes. It was dark because Christopher Lloyd murdered a fucking shoe! Christ!
The scene was haunting, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Search around -- pretty much anyone who has ever seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit cannot write a paragraph about it without mentioning that shoe.
I'd seen Optimus Prime die in theaters. Not just in the heat of battle, either. I had to watch the guy on his death bed, with sad robot eyes, giving his last commands before turning brown like exposed apple meat. I barely bat an eye at it. A few years later, I had this damned shoe making my stomach feel like it had cars crashing inside it. And not just while I was at the theaters, either. Every time I thought about that shoe, I felt horrible. I still do. It was a great shoe and it did not deserved to be dipped.
Guess this all lends itself to a survey. Have there been any movie or television scenes that, despite being totally absurd, just completely ruined your life? Discuss in the comments.
I still miss you, shoe guy.
Posted by Matt on 04/20/2010. E-mail me!
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I mentioned this scene on my stupid Twitter last night, and couldn’t believe I hadn’t written about it here. The scene in question is currently on YouTube, if anyone thinks they can live through it.