X-E’s Christmas Fallout Thread — 2009 Edition!

Another Christmas is kaput, and I’ve barely recovered. It was the first time in years that I’d finished the Advent Calendar before Christmas Eve, and boy, I didn’t waste it. It’s probably lame to correlate a carefree Christmas with a three day bender, but that’s just what Dr. Claus ordered.

Somewhere in the middle of this, I saw (and mostly loved) Avatar, introduced my nephews to the perils of The Ewok Adventure, and endured that sad stroke of midnight when all of my beloved all-Christmas radio stations switched back to their normal terrible playlists.

Of course, you and I are freaks, and no matter how old we get, the success of any Christmas will always depend on the loot it brings. So begins X-E’s 2009 Christmas Fallout Thread, where I compare gifts with you, and you compare gifts with me, and they compare gifts with them, and we all make each other jealous, and blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah. It’s our one chance a year to be unabashedly materialistic, giddy over nothing, and guiltlessly greedy.

You know what to do. In the comments, tell the world what you got this Christmas. (Or Hanukah, or whatever it is you that all of you who aren’t Catholics in the tri-state area celebrate.) You can make it as simple as a list, or go into detail about each present. The world is your oyster.

Hard to believe, but this is actually our seventh annual Christmas Fallout Thread. See the previous editions with this handy series of links:



Note: I’ll be updating this throughout the day, because as it turns out, writing about stuff people gave me is pretty exhausting. This first batch is roughly half of this year’s loot.

  • The Blowfish Lamp!

There’s this Polynesian restaurant in my city that’s been around since before any of us were born, and hasn’t changed much since its grand opening. It’s tacky, it’s filled with random Tiki crap, and I love it. Whenever the brunt of my geographically-spread family ends up back here, we have to go to this restaurant.

For years, I’ve been eyeing these light-up hanging blowfish they have there. I’ve even asked staffers if I could buy one of them, but they never bit. (Actually, they wouldn’t even answer — I’d always get the quick “ho ho you crazy” wave-off before they scurried off to the kitchen.)

Well, up above is one of those light-up hanging blowfish. My brother found them for sale online, and though I didn’t ask what he paid, it’s clear that no amount was too much for a dead, preserved blowfish with a light bulb inside. It’s now a permanent fixture of our living room, and will continue to be until my death in 2014.

I didn’t want a lot of decorations/novelties/toys this year, because we honestly don’t have room for them. My office looks like a shaken snowglobe, assuming that we could replace all of the white specks with twenty-year-old cereal boxes and Stretch Screamers dolls. I mainly wanted books, and I got a lot of them. Enough to build a fort out of books. For a cat. A very small cat.

In the photo above:

  • Star Wars: The Mandalorian Armor!

Most of what I read amounts to picture books. Throwing a real novel in the mix makes me feel more smartier. Even if that novel is about Boba Fett and Prince Xizor.

  • To Be The Man!

Yeah, it’s Ric Flair’s autobiography. I’m a sucker for wrestler autobiographies. I think I’ll save this one for those long bus rides into work. I’ll put on a really loud hat before I read it. And actually, I won’t read it as much as recite it, line by line, with my own commentary inserted at random intervals. Everyone will love me. I will be the belle of the bus.

  • Uncle John’s Endlessly Engrossingly Bathroom Reader!

I’ve written about this book series before. It’s amazing stuff. If you can get past the scatological marketing, all of Uncle John’s books are stuffed with trivia and stories about everything from Godzilla to the people who provide McDonald’s with their potatoes. Over half of what I know comes from these books.

  • Uncle John’s Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader!

In case the other one sucks.

  • Controversy Creates Cash!

Another wrestling-related autobiography, Eric Bischoff’s in this case. So, four books in, and we have two wrestling books, and two books that you’re supposed to read while shitting. Perhaps the scope of my interests needs to be broadened.

  • Wicca & Witchcraft For Dummies!

Ha! I don’t practice witchcraft, but I love reading about it. And, since my passion for it is far from sincere, I see no problem with owning a “for dummies” version of a religious tutorial.

  • Ocean!

I haven’t looked at this one too thoroughly yet, but it’s basically then thousand pages full of pretty fish pictures, with enough words thrown in to make me feel like it actually passes as reading.

  • Universe!

Same as the previous book, only with the fish pictures replaced with photos of Saturn.

I didn’t score as many DVDs this year as I usually do, I guess because I’ve built a pretty solid reputation as someone who will buy hundreds of DVDs, never open them, and continue to watch the same beat-up Unsolved Mysteries sets. I cannot help it. I’m a slave to Stack.

  • He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: The Complete Series!

Yes!! This isn’t the original series, but rather the 2002 version, which I’ve barely seen a full episode of. Been reading about it for years, though, and I’ve always been curious to see how all of my old favorites were brought back to life. I’m especially curious about the Snake Men storyline, which, if memory serves, effectively ended the series. Not sure if they even concluded it, but I don’t care, I just want to see the Snake Men hiss around.

  • The Sopranos: Season Six, Part II!

If asked right now, I’d say that The Sopranos is my favorite show ever. This wasn’t my favorite season of the series, but time has been pretty good to it. If you’re wondering how I spent yesterday, this is it. Already plowed through the entire set, which is all the more extraordinary when you consider that I rewind all Phil Leotardo scenes at least eight times before letting an episode continue.

  • Dirty Sue Martini Mix: Four-Pack!

I’ve written about my love for the dirty martini many times, and this mix is the reason why. Replenishing my Dirty Sue stock has become a Christmas tradition. If you’ve only ever had a dirty martini using a splash of olive juice, you are so fucked up. This is the way to go, and if you use it, you’ll have a new favorite cocktail.

  • Peanuts Classics: The Ultimate Box Set!

So awesome. Flip open the Snoopy doghouse, and nine different Peanuts classics are revealed! Only downside: The books aren’t collections of strips, but rather reprints of these old, strange, mainly one-panel-per-page titles.

Of course, that’s how these books were originally sold, so anyone who is into Peanuts enough to buy a doghouse-shaped collector’s set should already known that. I mean know that. Verb tenses: My tragic flaw.

  • New Super Mario Bros. Wii: Lunchbox Edition!

Originally wondering why I was getting lunchboxes for Christmas, I was happy to learn that said lunchbox was simply the protector of all sorts of precious goods, including a t-shirt, Wii remote covers, and of course, the new Mario game. I’d tell you that I’ve heard nothing but good things, but I haven’t really been paying attention. So long as Big Boo makes a cameo, I’m down.

I’m sure many of you own this game. Give me the scoop in the comments. In simple, baby terms.

UPDATE: Got a little busy, so I’m just gonna post the pictures of the rest for now. :) Two of these gifts came from readers — I won’t say which, but if you’re one of those two readers, please e-mail me as I have no way to contact you!

Not pictured: Clothing and money-related gifts, and a few things that I didn’t feel like sharing with the world. :) All in all, nice stuff!

Oh, and if you’re wondering what that thing on the bottom is, click here. 😉

>>> Cheap Satellite TV!

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