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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

Zhu Zhu Pets, Snow and Chocolate Scrabble.

Well, the Advent Calendar has kept me too busy to really write much else, so to the more than half of you who don't read it: Haha, you're fucked.

We got a lot of snow today, which is nice, because this has been one whirlwind of a holiday season that I've barely had a chance to smell, eat, digest or otherwise own.

Christmas is less than a week away, which seems both impossible and absolutely insane. I'm not done shopping. I'm not even done decorating. Thank Leviathan for that "Christmas Lite" week between the 25th and New Year's. (Seriously, let's all plan to make that week the most festive, relaxing post-season in history -- it's a mandatory rule for all of you.)

Back to the snow: The photo above (actually a screengrab from a low-rent Quicktime) gives almost no impression of the vast sea of white seen from our front window, but trust me, it's killer. We must be up to six inches (not that bullshit "six inches where snow collects at its highest" thing, either -- a legit six inches), and if the reports are to be believed, there will be over a foot of God's dandruff waiting for me to shovel by tomorrow morning.

It's gotta be the biggest snowstorm we've had in years. It's completely white out there, but also dead silent. No cars, no stupid kids, no pissing strays...just totally empty and silent, and I love it like that. It totally removes any sense that I should be doing more with my weekend than taking pictures of crab taxidermy and homosexual rabbit figures, or conversely, blabbing about Zhu Zhu Pets.

I'm sure you've heard about these Zhu Zhu Pets. They're this year's biggest "fad toy," reminiscent both in popularity and gimmick to the Furby of old. Kids are absolutely wild for these, and thus, they're impossible to find. I purchased mine from a third party seller on Amazon for $35, not even realizing that they actually retail for just eight bucks.

And if that 400% markup (the cheapest I could find) doesn't mess with your head, consider this: The random Zhu Zhu Pets vehicles and accessories (which are all but essential to have any real fun with the things) are even harder to find, with stuff that costs $10 in stores selling for up to and over $100 online.

As the story gets told from one person to another person to another person to a cat and back to another person, Zhu Zhu Pets have garnered a reputation that they might not deserve. They're cute, fun and interesting, but they're not loaded with insane levels of artificial intelligence. At root, they're just battery-powered hamster dolls that roll around the floor and chirp. (Which isn't to say that they aren't capable of wonders beyond that, but don't be fooled into thinking that your Zhu Zhu Pet will fetch the newspaper and help out with the crossword puzzle afterwards.)

I made a tiny movie of the miracle rodent, though after uploading it, I noticed that YouTube has no less than 700,000 other Zhu Zhu Pets videos available, which all tell the tale more thoroughly than mine. While I haven't really engrossed myself in all that this wondrous little rat can do, I've seen enough to say this much with confidence: If I was a kid, I would go absolutely apeshit until somebody gave me one.

It isn't so much what Zhu Zhu Pets do that make them so appealing. It's the idea that you're getting a "real" pet. Think of all the similar fads that existed for the same reason, from Tamagotchis to Furbys and beyond. Sure, they were interesting toys with some progressive ideas and technologies at play, but at heart, it was the "pet concept" that really sold 'em. Same thing here. What kid wouldn't want to spend Christmas morning convincing themselves that they got a new hamster to take care of, even if that hamster was filled with wires and plastic instead of bones and blood?

Thumbs up. Factor in all of the weird vehicles and "hamster habitats" that you can buy for your robot rats, and the Zhu Zhu line seems well worth the hype. Mainly, I just find the idea of electronic hamsters sold in perfectly rectangular window boxes too adorable not to commend.

Finally, there's a new line of "Chocolate Edition" spins on your favorite board games, including the one I chose to spend ten bucks on during my last lapse of judgement at Target: Chocolate Scrabble.

Many popular board games have been remodeled like this, and while I can't honestly claim that they're intended to be "Christmas editions," the fact that Target put them in their stocking stuffer section makes it hard to deny, because Target is never wrong. Besides, I don't know how your family does their Christmas party, but we always have random, wacky shit like this at ours. A chocolate Scrabble set would fit right in.

Instead of literally translating the original games into chocolate form, they've scaled down the rules and decreased the number of usual pieces. On the bright side, the pieces you do get are much larger, and they're filled with chocolate!

Though you can't really tell from my photo, the game board is actually a poster-sized sheet of paper. The wrapped chocolate letters are about as large as After Eight mints, and the winner of this delicious game gets to take home that gold medallion shown on the upper left. (Which, of course, is also filled with chocolate.)

I could totally see breaking this baby out after my family's Christmas Eve dinner, when we're all too loaded to really care if we're playing properly, or even if certain players cheat by eating undesirable letters. Somehow, the thought of that just injected a much needed dose of Christmas spirit right up my spinal cord. Chocolate Scrabble, you're an alien Santa Claus.

It's way too late at night to classify this as an SNT, so, uh, Merry Sunday?

Posted by Matt on 12/20/2009. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 303 comments

Ultraman the remaining 44,000 times will be split between National Lampoon’s Christmas, both Home Alone movies, and the classic version of Miracle on 34th St. “If the United States government declares this man to be Santa Claus, this court will not dispute it”!

Chestnuts roasted by ericnrosesmom @ 12/23/2009 11:34 PM


So.

Teddy Ray is right. I killed again.

When I killed John Denver, it was my first time. I think I talked about this here – and when I killed Lux Interior, I realized I had powers. I tried to use them to kill Barry Manilow, to no avail.

But this time, I killed Brittany Murphy. I’m sorry I did this. I don’t know why I did it. It just…happened. I can’t trust myself not to kill more celebrities by being an incredible psychic.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 12/24/2009 12:02 AM


Wow. That is one smart rodent. Bravo, Matt, bravo. I have to echo all the comments here about how this year’s AC is top notch. Thanks for doing it for us.

Chestnuts roasted by stonetumbler @ 12/24/2009 12:24 AM


ALRIGHT!!!!!!! Mista Snowman tipped the scales of fate in favor of the heroes! WOOOT! Also, I KNEW that raccoon was up to SOMETHIN! Once again, Merry Christmas ya’ll. :D

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 12/24/2009 12:46 AM


Nice! Nice nice nice nice nice nice nice!

Maybe it’s just cause I’m buzzed, but I was literally cheering out loud reading tonight’s AC. Absolutely brilliant, Matt. This entire fuckin’ thing made my holiday season. I know it’s not over year (and I can’t wait to see the last two entries) but good lord man, you outdid yourself.

Bravo.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike Russo @ 12/24/2009 12:47 AM


Ah…. Now for the shocking conclusion!

Chestnuts roasted by PlantToymaker @ 12/24/2009 1:08 AM


An entire year of AC cockteasing finally pays off. Kudos to you, Matt! Raccoon’s crowning moment of awesome was indeed awesome.

“I cannot answer this question without consulting Man-Car.” And AC #23 cements James Lipton remaining my favorite character.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 12/24/2009 1:12 AM


Mista Snowman is the true hero today.

Chestnuts roasted by Ford @ 12/24/2009 1:20 AM


I have a really stupid question: what happened to Box? I don’t remember him dying or anything, but he wasn’t in this years AC… Sorry if it’s been covered, I’ve barely had time to read the AC itself, let alone the comments.

Chestnuts roasted by DrSketch @ 12/24/2009 1:26 AM


Click my name, because Mystie drew my name for secret santa…and she blew my mind. And I taped myself opening what she got me…and some other fun crap, like parts of a drunk dial from a fellow XE-er (who OKed me sharing it, btw.)

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 12/24/2009 1:28 AM


I’ve made my unrequited love of Mista Snowman known several times on here, and I have to say, his line in today’s entry was beyond great. However, I think I almost fell over laughing at “What the fuck? Who’s throwing ham now?” Holy shit, that was funny as fuck, and it makes Mista Snowman this years fucking HERO!!

Charles you tablefucker, that was too funny.

JLARC Happy Belated.

Doho Try not to be a stranger!

Mike Russo We might be long lost twins because I share you sentiments exactly. Down to the “it might be because I’m buzzed….” line.

Matt You really outdid yourself. It’s almost like it’s a 2 year tease and we finally get some resolution. BRAV-FUCKING-O.

ULTRAMAN I think you called the Raccoon was up to something, and man, was he ever.

After a pretty lousy Christmas season this year for me, X-E has made it all pretty much disappear.

I salute you Matt, and I’m not even in the military!

Merry Christmas you tablefuckers!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Galvatron @ 12/24/2009 1:49 AM


Aw shucks, here comes some love….

OK, already I am in my gushy-Christmas-magic kind of mood, and I just wanted to shout out to the web that I love Matt and the good folks here at XE. This place had gotten me through some serious shit – health troubles, dumping my fiance, etc. Thank goodness other people care about these things that matter!

kb – I just finished listening to that song on the XE Xmas jukebox, then watched your video to hear that song again! Loved the video, btw. Made me really sad I didn’t participate in the secret santa.

I will definitely be doing the XE Secret Santa next year!

And…what can I say about the AC? Matt, you are a storyteller, that’s for sure! (And you are one hilarious tablefucker, too!)

Hope all of you have “the hap-hap-happiest Xmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny Fuckin Kaye!”

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 12/24/2009 2:01 AM


Arcano is no more! That was epic, Matt. Thank you!

Chestnuts roasted by ReesiePuffs @ 12/24/2009 2:09 AM


An incredible thing happened to me tonight. While keeping an eye out for Mongoose McQueen, I saw a meteor streak across the sky. I consider a shooting star a good omen. It foretold the fall of Arcano. Even though he met his fated fall via Deus ex machina. Well done Matt, you more than made up for last year.

DrSketch= The story’s not over yet. We may yet find out what happened to them.

Well’ it’s now officially Christmas Eve. So to everyone here, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, and Nadafinga. A cold front just hit my house. Getting windy outside.

Chestnuts roasted by Lonestar76 @ 12/24/2009 2:36 AM


AHH! Kb! You now own a Green Bamboo Mystery Peanut!!
*green with envy here!*

How fun! I hope I can do SS next year and I hope Mystie gets me!! Well done lady!

BTW- Kb you look lover-lee in your vid.

Chestnuts roasted by citygirl @ 12/24/2009 2:41 AM


I have to agree with everyone, the 12-23 AC was incredible!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Jon @ 12/24/2009 2:48 AM


Oh yah my Secret Santa at work gave me PORN and a friggen gi-normous SpongeBob pen!

Opened a gift early from my mom( biking gloves) and my boyfriend ( Hunter S. Thompson magnet). So far so good!! :o )

Chestnuts roasted by citygirl @ 12/24/2009 2:50 AM


Since it’s almost Christmas, I’d like to show you all what I’ve been working on all week:

http://galileo908.blogspot.com/2009/12/very-dennis-christmas-special.html

It’s a sequel to a Thanksgiving Special I made last year. Both (especially this one) were heavily inspired by the Advent Calendar. Enjoy!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 12/24/2009 3:06 AM


This is a great AC this year, classic Danzig references and everything :)

Oh and Mr. Balloons is my favorite name EVER. I should seriously change my name to that :D

Chestnuts roasted by cephalophore @ 12/24/2009 3:14 AM


kb Awesome video! So glad to see you on video and know what your like IRL if that makes any sense. Your son is adorable and it looks like you have him trained. Mystie is a way cool chick. I am the type to put together a great secret santa type of gift so I shall do that next year. I did that for another site a couple of years ago, it’s was a tacky Christmas gift. I sent them a kit on how to make a pink yarn bikini. It came with knitting needles, yarn, and an instructional dvd. I got it at goodwill for I dunno like 5 bucks lol. They loved it and thought it was a riot.

Rev. So happy to see you! Really this is a highlight for my world this week lol!! Don’t feel too bad, shit happens. The wrath of the Rev. is not to be toyed with.

I made a video on a tour if you will of my Grandma’s lit up Christmas tree. I hope it’s light enough for you to see the ornaments. I can see them but I think it might be because I know what they really look like. I don’t talk much in the video. Dunno why. The decription on the side explains the rest. I kind of shot the video for you all :) I am off to catch up on the Advent Calendar and I think I should go to bed. This last two days I have stayed up all night and then got up at like 3pm. Cannot and should not do that on Christmas eve and impossible to do that on Christmas, my family would walk in and say, why are you still in bed? lol

Harry is getting 7 teeth pulled and getting dentures on tuesday… yay for him lol at least he will feel better and not get infections in his mouth anymore. Jennifer got her package Monday and loved it. She will be snacking on it for quite some time. Just thought I would say that.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 12/24/2009 3:23 AM


Hey Goob, put the mother fucking LINK in your comment next time. Thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 12/24/2009 3:26 AM


Ahh, I’ve had twice the long wait for a satisfying AC climactic battle, and it was worth it. But let’s not repeat delays this long.

Brilliant — I had COMPLETELY forgotten about the raccoon. I figured some other character whose fate hasn’t been revealed yet would show up and waste him, but the RACCOON was even better!

Rev, how could you????

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 12/24/2009 4:04 AM


Darth Galvatron: Yeah I’m the one who called the raccoon bein up to something. Although I didn’t expect to be THIS correct lol.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 12/24/2009 4:05 AM


ULTRAMAN I don’t think any of us imagined the Raccoon was going to play such a huge rule. After all, his prices were IIIINNNSANE!!!!!!

I still HEART Mista Snowman, but that raccoon is catching up.

Anyone in NY watch the god aweful PIX 11 news? Those jackasses are a pathetic excuse for “journalists”. How the fuck are classless morons like those “new anchors” allowed to report the news?

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Galvatron @ 12/24/2009 4:24 AM


That was incredible, Matt you deserve all the props you’re getting.
Also, best LIne: MR. BALLOONS: “Hiya Mom. We’re gonna do ya in the butt.” Just Awesome

Chestnuts roasted by WolfMan @ 12/24/2009 6:37 AM


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