To prove to naysayers that I’m still terminally with it, I’m now on Twitter. I say nothing of any interest there, and mainly use it to plug articles you’ve already read, but if you’re interested…yeeeaaah.

Got a new Christmassy survey: In the comments, talk about your weird holiday traditions.

Everyone strings up lights. Everyone decorates trees. Everybody exchanges presents. We know this. But what are some of the more peculiar traditions that make your holiday celebrations unique to you? What stupid, strange things must you do to make December feel complete?

I know one of mine. I’ve been writing about it for years. It’s time for my annual Chia Pet project!

A few years ago, I dedicated myself to making sure that no Christmas season came and went without growing a Chia Pet. The results were iffy. Last year, the saga continued, and the results were again iffy. It stands to reason that the third time will be the charm.

What do Chia Pets have to do with Christmas? Oh, please. They have everything to do with Christmas. Tagging with The Clapper to weasel its way into the pantheon of “easy gifts nobody wants,” Chia Pets are firmly situated as holiday classics. You’re never looking for them while you’re out shopping for presents, but they’re always there. They’re never a good idea, but they always seem like one. They’re one of the quintessential “misgifts” — presents given to and from people who really have no idea what the other person’s interests are.

On the other hand, is there anyone whose life wouldn’t be vastly improved by pottery that grows?

Obviously a rhetorical question. We all know the answer.

I chose the “turtle” Chia Pet for 2009, ostensibly because I like turtles, but really because it was the only version CVS had on sale. Given my previous mishaps while growing Chia Pets, I made sure to follow the directions exactly this time. No shortcuts. No assumptions. If this year’s Chia Pet doesn’t grow correctly, I’m suing and/or committing corporate arson.

Oh, and speaking of things ostensible: Click here to buy your own Chia Pet…obstensibly because I think you’ll enjoy it, but really because I’ll make 20 cents from Amazon if you buy anything after clicking that link. Honesty is the best policy, especially as it relates to anything Chia.

Another oddball holiday tradition of mine: Food that doubles as an art project. This Rice Krispies Treats “Snowman Kit” is simply a Christmasized version of that Halloween thing I reviewed last year. I found it in Toys “R” Us, which is kind of odd, and probably explains why it was the only one in the store. In a battered box, and located on the floor. Still rang up okay. I’m assuming it’s been poisoned. Will find out soon.

Put aside your misbegotten notions of Rice Krispies Treats, because making them is a process. From liquefying marshmallow goo to trying to coat 50,000 cereal bits with said goo, I made the kind of mess usually reserved for seven course dinner parties.

Skipping past the boring parts, your goal is to get the mixture into the included pan, leaving you with an enormous, snowman-shaped Rice Krispies Treat to decorate.

My snowman sucks, but he didn’t have to. My artistic vision only went as far as “I want to eat a giant Rice Krispies Treat,” so I can’t blame Kellogg’s for how horrible he looks.

The kit includes gobs of icing and, interestingly, a set of edible watercolors with which to paint your snowman to life. I totally did not expect painting to come into play, but it works as advertised.

That’s two oddball holiday traditions down. Now I just have to lap blood from a dying cat.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!