Surely I'm not the only one who spends the holiday season pilfering through -- but never ordering from -- the Harry and David catalog?

I'm guessing the company is best known for its "fruit of the month" deals, but during Christmastime, anyone on their mailing list is certain to receive no less than 500 glossy catalogs detailing their insane assortment of gourmet food baskets and fully-cooked turkeys. Even though we've all had enough experience with "gift basket food" to know that it sucks, they arrange and photograph everything so perfectly, you can't help but feel that you're missing out.

Course, the prices are a little, uh, elusive. That basket shown on the lower left costs 300 bucks. There are far cheaper and smaller baskets in the catalog, but if you're going to roll the dice on a meal that comes in a basket through the mail, it may as well be the one that arrives with 86 species of cheese.

Have any of you placed Harry and David orders? If so, I demand reviews in the comments.

I've been tracking down all of this year's new stocking stuffers...even though it's a huge waste of money, because I will never look at this junk once I'm done writing about it. Which will be, oh, a few minutes from now. I guess I could donate this stuff to charity, but that sounds like it'd require walking.

First up, the Homedics Atom Massager -- a stocking-sized version of Homedics' larger and more expensive methods of mmaakkiinngg yyoouu ttaallkk lliikkee tthhiiss. The Atom Massagers come in red and green, and they're sold alongside all of the candy canes at Target, so there's no denying that they're Christmas editions.

Looking like a cross between a Wall-E bootleg and a thermal detonator, you can press the topside button to release oodles of vibrating energy, set to a smallscale lights show, and sound effects not unlike those created by a Dustbuster. As a massager, it's weak, but as a getaway ship for my tiny-sized E.T. figure, it's miraculous.

And on the right, a Nintendogs Mini-Pup. I'm totally surprised to see that the Nintendogs line of plushies has lasted so long, with many toy stores still featuring dedicated Nintendogs sections after all this time. Like the alien robot testicle massager, this "Mini-Pup" was also sold in Target's stocking stuffer section. I have no idea how they came up with a $5 price tag, because it's the kind of doll you'd find in a ten-cent claw machine at the world's most unkempt casino arcade.

Next up, Star Wars Holiday Bobbleheads, ready to add all kinds of geeky joy to your mantle full of tired snowglobes. I picked up Darth Vader and C-3P0. To keep the costs reasonable, these bobbleheads do away with the more typical resin ingredients, opting for a cheap plastic. Really though, they look no different than the pricier bobbleheads, and in fact, they're less likely to crack in half when you inevitably drop them on the floor.

Finally, a series of Pokemon tree ornaments. I'm not going to tell you exactly how many I bought, but I'll admit that it was at least two. The standard Christmas tree ball ornament is given a Pokeball spin, with different pocket monsters nesting comfortably inside. They're cute, and if I'm deducing their construction correctly, I'll be able to rip the Pokemon from their homes and use them as pencil toppers in the post-season.

Course, the arrival of a Bulbasaur tree ornament sets in motion my yearly debate as to when it's acceptable to put up on Christmas tree. We only do live trees in this apartment, so the timing is critical. I'm thinking...right now?