HALLOWEEN IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

It’s Halloween! I challenge you to make the most of it! Go trick-or-treating! Go trunk-or-treating! Bob for apples! Watch the Elm Street series in its entirety! Sacrifice owls!

The weather here is perfect: Gloomy, grey and inoffensively chilly. I haven’t checked the forecast, but judging by the wind and clouds, it wouldn’t surprise me to be completely underwater by 9 PM. My kingdom for a thunder clap.

Tonight, we’re heading to a friend’s house to drink and eat our way through a pile of scary DVDs that would stack taller than Andre, all while carving pumpkins with designs that are certain to be obscene. It’s the last hurrah for horror, and it’s hard to imagine that by this time tomorrow, I’ll be waist deep in red-and-green Sunday circulars, fifty times more excited that I am now. There are four quarters in the year, and people, we’re living in the only one that matters.

So ends the Halloween Countdown — thanks again for continuing to make the site worth keeping alive, and I hope your howliday is a good one! Course, if you’re stuck home with nothing to do, you could always relive this year’s creepy content, conveniently linked below!

The “Ghost Finders” Haunted Camera!
Evil Clowns, Evil Lip Balm and more Spooky Die-O-Ramas!
Halloween Mood DVDs: The Mega Review!
Cape is the new rock.
Frightening Filler.
And exposed viscera.
Milton Bradley’s SPIDER WARS, from 1988!
The NY Aquarium’s HAUNTED SEA-FARI!
Haunted Snack Mansion! Color-Changing Cars! AND MORE!
X-E’s Shoebox Die-O-Rama Contest: THE RESULTS!!!
Madballs Jumpers & Halloween Popcorn!
Halloween Window Silhouettes, Bubble Tape, and Spider Lights.
Kind and Gentle Freddy Krueger toys.
The Halloween Cocktail!
The Trix O’Lantern!
Along came a giant fake spider.
Halloween Velvet Treats!
Blood Bag: The Candy!
The Snoopy-O’-Lantern?
LIFE-SIZED MOTION ACTIVATED AUDIO-ANIMATRONIC JASON VOORHEES OMG OMG
Cap’n Crunch’s Halloween Crunch Cereal!
Chucky: Pro-Wrestling Superstar.
Halloween Slinky! Halloween Hot Wheels! Halloween Fruit Things!
X-E’s Shoebox Die-O-Rama Art Contest!
Deadly Dollar Store Stuff.
Dots Halloween Mix!
Monsters: A Pop-Up Book.
Halloween Chips Ahoy!

We’ve got a few hours to kill, because our little party is sure to last until tomorrow afternoon, and if we show up too early, we’ll be unconscious by midnight. I’ve been waiting for trick-or-treaters, but none have arrived. Not a single one. I’m aghast that we’ve scared society into ditching one of its greatest traditions, but on the other hand…more Twizzlers for me.

Normally, we just combine assorted candies into Ziploc bags to give to trick-or-treaters, but Target was selling these awesome boxes of full-sized Twizzlers varieties for ten bucks. Couldn’t resist. I’m so anxious to hear a knock on our door, because giving retail-sized candies to trick-or-treaters is sure to make me the hero of the neighborhood. Alas, nobody has come. Maybe it was a bad idea to decorate the front lawn in a dead ferret motif.

In the comments, discuss your Halloween adventures! Don’t know what kind of computer access I’m going to have by tonight, but if there’s any, I’ll pop by with drunken tales of poker games won and face paint tubes exploded.

Oh, and as promised, below are the final entries in the Spooky Die-O-Rama contest! I’m sure I missed a few, since I never get through one of these art contests without pissing off several people. Thanks again to everyone who entered — these entries were truly the soul of this year’s Countdown!


(Click here to see a larger photo!)

“Attack of the Corn”
Created By: Stephanie B.

Stephanie is just one of the many entrants who was robbed of a spot in the winner’s circle, but at least she’s done her part to make the last batch of Die-O-Ramas feel mighty and proud.

There’s a lot to love with this one — from the wholly custom scarecrow with the paper facial features, to the evil corn dudes who seem to have been crafted out of those amazing corn-themed corn on the cob holders. Any justification for using the word “corn” that many times in a single sentence equals brilliance. Steph, you’re my favorite Steph out of all the Stephs I’ve ever known.



“Count Dogula”
Created By: Tommy

Oooh! This one is pure glee. It’s hard to find dioramas featuring vampires in blood-soaked chambers that manage to seem so harmless and cheerful, but I suppose that’s the benefit of making a vampire out of a hot dog. Tommy even provided a photo of Count Dogula burnt to a crisp, and though he didn’t provide an explanation, I’m guessing that it represents a vampire who was exposed to sunlight.

Also, is this really the only Die-O-Rama that made use of those five-point casino arcade spider rings? To everyone besides Tommy: For shame.



“Die-O-Hazard”
Created By: Nick

Nick’s diorama is pretty wonderful, mixing LEGO figurines and fallen branches to recreate a scene from Resident Evil. I just wish he included some larger photos, because who wouldn’t love a closer look at Cujo mangling Man Eating Chicken in the lower left?



“Haunted Evening”
Created By: Nakairra D.

Nakairra went through a lot of trouble to send me this entry. The pictures kept bouncing and the links kept dying, and by the time I actually got to see it, Christmas had already come and gone. Really dig the haunted mansion in the background, and the pipe cleaner trees are just the thing October 31st needed to double its birthright specialness.



“A (Star)Scream of a Good Time”
Created By: Alienux

Alienux provided no description of his diorama, save for its title. I’ll have to piece this one together myself. Seems as if Starscream is spending his Halloween torturing a skeleton, while a living-but-sadly-stationary Demon Apple voices his displeasure in the background. I don’t know why the Demon Apple is wearing an enormous severed finger, but then, Halloween is all about mystery.

PS, I can’t tell if that’s the original Starscream figure or one of the many re-issues. I’m guessing “re-issue,” because there is not a single original Starscream figure left in the universe that still has its forearm missiles.



“The Terryfying Tale of the Tricks and the Treats”
Created By: OrbitalVelocity

Perhaps it’s best that Orbital handles the explanation. “Our little protagonist just wants Mr. McEvil to give her some of his shitty candy, but he’s gone to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen. He’s blocked off the path to his haunted mansion with a spooky toothpick fence and a giant man-eating spider! Oh nooo…”

Does the crayon castle in the background remind anyone else of Bowser’s fortress from Super Mario World? I’ve gonna have that ominous techno beat playing in my head until Thanksgiving now. Thanks, OrbitalVelocity.



“Sneakerama”
Created By: Kristin M.

HEY, that’s not a diorama. Kristin knew that skirting the rules was grounds for disqualification, and said as much in her e-mail. But look closer, and you’ll likely forgive her. Here, the shoebox diorama is less a diorama and more of an actual shoebox, playing home to a pair of sneakers with iconic horror-related images painted on the sides. I’d totally wear these, but truth be told, I have hooves.

Have a good one, monsters!

212 thoughts on “HALLOWEEN IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

  1. Tryclyde

    Bronx Bombers!

    Shawn: Sorry to hear that. My brother and father are Mets fans and they’re always pretty much miserable during baseball season.

  2. Erin F

    Arrgh. Can anyone help me find the article Matt wrote about a cabin in the woods that he and his friends used to stay in a lot? It was creepy in some places and there was a bottle of Pepsi that had been there for years.

    I can remember about the Pepsi but not what the damn article was called. I’ve been looking for about an hour. >:(

  3. Muppet Baby

    I also love that cabin article.

    Missed V, dammit. Too sick, slept on the couch all night. I wanted to watch it purely for Inara from Firefly. Gotta show my Firefly peeps some love.

  4. The Manimal

    My daughters are dancing to Christmas music and wearing Halloween pajamas.
    Makes perfect sense for a 5th of Novemember.

    Hope everyone is feeling groovy.

  5. wroclawski

    well, actually it the word is “wiener”

    it means something like . . . of Vienna . . . in German. Well, that’s not entirely accurate but it means something is from Vienna, such as ‘wiener schnitzel’, which is a cutlet without bones from Vienna . . .

    So you call your husband something from Vienna.

    And now you know.

  6. Goob

    I enjoy pet names. It feels like you have an inside joke with them and you have a connection with them. Because we are so close we are weird to society, I call my best friend babe and he calls me little babe. I act like a little kid and silly around him. That only makes sense to him and I so I am brave to tell you all this. We only call each other our first names actually if we are fighting. I even call him babe in public cause I don’t really care. In front of family and friends I call him Harry though. See? Told you you wouldn’t get it lol. Maybe Rev. would because we are cut from the same cloth.

    My gf I have called her my love since day one of our relationship. She calls me love. Like see you later love, you know like that. I say later my love. I think it’s classy. I watched a video on youtube recently a guy called his wife his beloved and I thought that was nice. And another guy called his wife his better half. That is nice as well. I have never liked hubby either but it doesn’t make the hair stand up on my neck. When my gf is being sarcastic she says yes dear or yes teacher when I am being a know it all which is like every single day lol.

    Cameron T. Aww that is so sweet. I tell myself I want to be a housewife for you and then I remind myself that if we tried to have sex it would lead into sobbing and regret. And me packing my bags the next day. But you seem like you would be so tentative and thoughtful. It will happen and an equally nerdy but attractive girl will move in with you someday. And you will feel alive. I know from my experience. I never want to go back to how I was, I was fooling myself into thinking that I was happy by distractions. My gf and I both feel the same way about each other so you won’t see me sobbing tomorrow about it lol. But really I think you will find someone that you see yourself in her and she feels the same.

    I am going to walk up to walmart and try to get a couple Halloween decorations on clearance. Harry told me that he only saw decorations hopefully he overlooked candy. I will be so disappointed if I don’t get one of those friggen IV liquid candy bags. And one of those jack o lanterns with the light bulb in it.

  7. wroclawski

    I too would like to see some articles, but to be honest, I’m glad to see any activity out of Matt these days . . . so I don’t push my luck.

    And Goob, you need to work on revisions and editing. Those posts are always so dry and so long . . .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>