We're supposed to be getting some kind of crazy, legendarily destructive storm tonight. I'll settle for regular rain and thunder, but I'm hoping for worse. Nothing screams Halloween like lightning and power outages. And exposed viscera.
Got another Halloween cocktail to tell you about -- the Tootsie Roll Martini! I don't know who to credit for this, because the recipe is on just about every cocktail site out there.
The idea isn't to create a drink that's made from Tootsie Rolls, but rather, to create a drink that tastes like them. And it does! The concoction looks a bit like the end result of a horse experimenting with Olean-drenched hay, but if you can put aside any reservations about the color, it's a tasty way to spend an October evening. So is exposed viscera.
The recipe is simple, too. Pour one ounce of vodka, one ounce of orange juice and 1.5 ounces of Kahlua into a cocktail shaker, mix it all up, and pour into a pre-chilled martini glass. For a grander presentation, rim the glass with a few mini-sized Tootsie Rolls. (Most recipes only call for a single Tootsie Roll as garnish, but since I had to buy an entire bag of the things just for one lousy picture, I wanted more god damned mileage.)
Somehow, the ingredients merge to become what's essentially a liquid Tootsie Roll, so if you like the candies, you'll like this. I actually loathe Tootsie Rolls, but in liquid form, they're serviceable.
Course, with almost the same ingredients, Tootsie Roll haters might be better off sticking with the last Halloween cocktail I wrote about, which at least gave you an excuse to carve olives.
Alcohol/food pairings are best left to the experts, but if I had to choose an edible best matched to a drink that looks like chocolate sewage, it'd be Cheetos that turn your tongue blue. Incidentally enough...
Hooray! Frito-Lay has been totally great this year. First they gave us that wicked Snack Mansion, and now, we've got Halloween Cheetos that turn our tongues blue. Scategorically titled "Crunchy Color Changers," the snacks are sold in larger single bags, but since they lack the neat Chester-as-a-Witch graphics seen on these bags, I went with the treat pack of mini-sizers.
It was five bucks for a box of 27 of these at Wal-Mart, which means that the bags cost a little more than 18 cents each. By my estimates, there are approximately 16 Cheetos in each bag. Thus, we have finally learned the average retail cost of a single Cheeto: $0.0115740!
Sorry, I tried, but there's just no way to take an appetizing photo of wet Cheetos. The dye hidden within the outrageously cheesy snacks does a tremendous job of painting your tongue that same shade of blue, though I'm still trying to figure out how this is a selling point.
Oddly, this is the third Halloween thing I've written about this year that has a color-changing special feature. We had the Cap'n Crunch, those Hot Wheels cars, and now this. I wouldn't say that kids don't enjoy stuff that changes colors, but this is overkill. What we really need are Cheetos and cereals that glow in the dark.
Finally, Crayola has brought back their "Crayon Treat Packs." I haven't seen these since 2003, though to be truthful, it's not like I spent 2004-2008 actively hunting them. Okay, that's a lie.
If you've been reading the site, you know that I'm a huge proponent of giving kids non-candy items when they come trick-or-treating. It has nothing to do with child obesity, but rather the idea that you're giving kids something unique and memorable -- something that won't be lost in a sea of fun-sized Snickers and SweeTarts two-packs. On the other hand, most kids prefer candy to crayons, and it'll take a lot of forward-thinking on their part to prefer three crayons to a single Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. This is partly why I only answer the door for trick-or-treaters who look sincere and thoughtful.
Bah. Unlike the 2003 editions, these crayons don't have "Halloween style" color titles. Each pack contains a black, orange and green crayon, but Crayola didn't go the extra mile of making them "Bat Black," "Pumpkin Orange" or "Ghoulish Green." Three extra words on the wrappers, and Crayola would've been a candidate for my plastic novelty Halloween trophy. And exposed viscera.
Obviously, with these colors, your best bet is to draw jack o' lanterns and nothing else. Alternatively, you can follow the crafty instructions on the back of the package, instructing you on how to create something Crayola calls a "BAG MONSTER."
From the package: "With your crayons, draw a scary face on a paper bag. Cut out teeth, hair or other features from construction paper and glue them to your bag. Fill the bag with loosely crumpled newspaper. Tape the bag to a cardboard tube."
From me: "Why not?"
I skipped the construction paper junk. My BAG MONSTER really didn't need it. I'm going to die now.
Posted by Matt on 10/17/2009. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
Cameron T= I almost dozed off myself at the computer. Hope I make it until after Midnight. I just saw Rambo on AMC right now. They just showed the part where Rambo shoots up Murdock’s equipment, and then stabs Murdock’s desk right near his face. “Find them, or I’ll find you.” Murdoch’s shorts probably started smelling funny right then and there. Start wearing depends Murdock. And no AVGN, Rambo didn’t turn Murdock into a frog in the movie.