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10/17/2009: And exposed viscera.

We’re supposed to be getting some kind of crazy, legendarily destructive storm tonight. I’ll settle for regular rain and thunder, but I’m hoping for worse. Nothing screams Halloween like lightning and power outages. And exposed viscera.

Got another Halloween cocktail to tell you about — the Tootsie Roll Martini! I don’t know who to credit for this, because the recipe is on just about every cocktail site out there.

The idea isn’t to create a drink that’s made from Tootsie Rolls, but rather, to create a drink that tastes like them. And it does! The concoction looks a bit like the end result of a horse experimenting with Olean-drenched hay, but if you can put aside any reservations about the color, it’s a tasty way to spend an October evening. So is exposed viscera.

The recipe is simple, too. Pour one ounce of vodka, one ounce of orange juice and 1.5 ounces of Kahlua into a cocktail shaker, mix it all up, and pour into a pre-chilled martini glass. For a grander presentation, rim the glass with a few mini-sized Tootsie Rolls. (Most recipes only call for a single Tootsie Roll as garnish, but since I had to buy an entire bag of the things just for one lousy picture, I wanted more god damned mileage.)

Somehow, the ingredients merge to become what’s essentially a liquid Tootsie Roll, so if you like the candies, you’ll like this. I actually loathe Tootsie Rolls, but in liquid form, they’re serviceable.

Course, with almost the same ingredients, Tootsie Roll haters might be better off sticking with the last Halloween cocktail I wrote about, which at least gave you an excuse to carve olives.

Alcohol/food pairings are best left to the experts, but if I had to choose an edible best matched to a drink that looks like chocolate sewage, it’d be Cheetos that turn your tongue blue. Incidentally enough…

Hooray! Frito-Lay has been totally great this year. First they gave us that wicked Snack Mansion, and now, we’ve got Halloween Cheetos that turn our tongues blue. Scategorically titled “Crunchy Color Changers,” the snacks are sold in larger single bags, but since they lack the neat Chester-as-a-Witch graphics seen on these bags, I went with the treat pack of mini-sizers.

It was five bucks for a box of 27 of these at Wal-Mart, which means that the bags cost a little more than 18 cents each. By my estimates, there are approximately 16 Cheetos in each bag. Thus, we have finally learned the average retail cost of a single Cheeto: $0.0115740!

Sorry, I tried, but there’s just no way to take an appetizing photo of wet Cheetos. The dye hidden within the outrageously cheesy snacks does a tremendous job of painting your tongue that same shade of blue, though I’m still trying to figure out how this is a selling point.

Oddly, this is the third Halloween thing I’ve written about this year that has a color-changing special feature. We had the Cap’n Crunch, those Hot Wheels cars, and now this. I wouldn’t say that kids don’t enjoy stuff that changes colors, but this is overkill. What we really need are Cheetos and cereals that glow in the dark.

Finally, Crayola has brought back their “Crayon Treat Packs.” I haven’t seen these since 2003, though to be truthful, it’s not like I spent 2004-2008 actively hunting them. Okay, that’s a lie.

If you’ve been reading the site, you know that I’m a huge proponent of giving kids non-candy items when they come trick-or-treating. It has nothing to do with child obesity, but rather the idea that you’re giving kids something unique and memorable — something that won’t be lost in a sea of fun-sized Snickers and SweeTarts two-packs. On the other hand, most kids prefer candy to crayons, and it’ll take a lot of forward-thinking on their part to prefer three crayons to a single Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. This is partly why I only answer the door for trick-or-treaters who look sincere and thoughtful.

Bah. Unlike the 2003 editions, these crayons don’t have “Halloween style” color titles. Each pack contains a black, orange and green crayon, but Crayola didn’t go the extra mile of making them “Bat Black,” “Pumpkin Orange” or “Ghoulish Green.” Three extra words on the wrappers, and Crayola would’ve been a candidate for my plastic novelty Halloween trophy. And exposed viscera.

Obviously, with these colors, your best bet is to draw jack o’ lanterns and nothing else. Alternatively, you can follow the crafty instructions on the back of the package, instructing you on how to create something Crayola calls a “BAG MONSTER.”

From the package: “With your crayons, draw a scary face on a paper bag. Cut out teeth, hair or other features from construction paper and glue them to your bag. Fill the bag with loosely crumpled newspaper. Tape the bag to a cardboard tube.”

From me: “Why not?”

I skipped the construction paper junk. My BAG MONSTER really didn’t need it. I’m going to die now.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 145 comments

Great post! The green Cheetos remind me of Ted Danson as a zombie in The Creepshow. Must be the seaweed green color.

Matt, have you been able to see Paranormal Activity yet? I am going tonight and I think I have already set the bar too high from the hype. :(

Ghosted by Bill @ 10/17/2009 4:00 PM EDT


Those Green cheetos are NASTY.

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 10/17/2009 4:22 PM EDT


I can’t wrap my mind around the idea that a drink containing orange juice tastes like a tootsie roll…

Ghosted by Domo @ 10/17/2009 4:42 PM EDT


deliciousee!

Ghosted by Ford @ 10/17/2009 4:43 PM EDT


“Bag Monster” is now my new sexist term that will hopefully replace “Butterface.” Help make this dream a reality.

Ghosted by Thorzul @ 10/17/2009 4:46 PM EDT


Tootsie Roll Martini, wish I could do a Halloween party this year! Whip up some Tootsie Roll martinis, and Halloween cocktails.

Ghosted by Tresjolie9 @ 10/17/2009 4:53 PM EDT


I’m sitting in the theatre getting ready to watch “Where the Wild Things Are.” I want it to be good, but I’m worried it’ll be a disappointment…

Ghosted by Domo @ 10/17/2009 5:00 PM EDT


Unfortunately, a sever alcohol intolerance prevents me from fully enjoying these cocktail pieces…

but I’m all about Cheetos and crayons!

Ghosted by Kogi Kaishakunin @ 10/17/2009 5:19 PM EDT


I’m watching No Holds Barred on Youtube….wheres the exposed viscera btw…

Ghosted by mandy_Reeves @ 10/17/2009 5:34 PM EDT


Creepshow was a good film. I wish they were showing it now. Richard (Leslie Neilsen) freaking out at the zombies is one of the best scenes in the film. The guy
killed by the cockroaches is a good death scene too. Matt, I hope you don’t mind, I know we did this last year. Best death scenes. Guys, tell us your favorite. It doesn’t matter where it’s in. Movies and tv. It doesn’t have to be a horror film. One of my favorites is the British guy killed by a big snake in Snakes On A Plane.
That’s what he gets for what he did to that dog.

Ghosted by Lonestar76 @ 10/17/2009 5:49 PM EDT


More like “farts and craps” amirite?

Ghosted by Kid Nicky @ 10/17/2009 5:58 PM EDT


I need those Cheetos. Actually, I don’t. I look ridiculous in my Cobra Commander costume I just bought. Cobra does not need a soda gut.

Ghosted by Ricky @ 10/17/2009 6:21 PM EDT


I miss cheetos. We only got them for about a year in the UK, when I was about eight. But then America dosn’t have monster munch, or so I am led to believe, and they are awsome!

Ghosted by Ory Bloodmyre @ 10/17/2009 6:33 PM EDT


Cheetos are great. Though I tend to eat Doritos more. I remember eating Pizza flavored Doritos quite a few times. It had a tomato like taste to them. I finally got madecorations up. Hope the wind doesn’t knock them off. I think I’ll use one of the skeletons for a film project I want to do. “How the Final Destination franchise should have ended.” There’s a few buldings here in my community that could pass for haunted. On the other side of the creek that I’ve mentioned before, there’s ana abandoned apartment building with the windows broken, and big dogs patrolling the sealed up front. There’s another on on the hill that looks a bit like Phantom Manor in the Disneyland Paris resort.

Ghosted by Lonestar76 @ 10/17/2009 7:02 PM EDT


Yay! Happy SNT!

Given that my wife refuses to go to the haunted corn maze each year, it’s kind of surprising that we’re going to watch Last House on the Left tonight. I saw the original years ago.

And now she’s not speaking to me for saying that she refuses to go to the haunted corn maze.

Ghosted by MysteryD8 @ 10/17/2009 7:24 PM EDT


Yum. I love tootsie rolls and may try this out someday soon. I’m on a no drinking fast for a lil bit, so it will have to wait. (only fasting from alcohol, not food)

Also, my son is sick…again. This is the second time in a month after being healthy for seemingly forever. I blame our house. Time to move again, I say.

Happy SNT!

Ghosted by kb @ 10/17/2009 7:48 PM EDT


Tootsie rolls are the best – this sounds so delicious, I don’t know if I can resist. Resisting those cheetos won’t be a problem though. Barf.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 10/17/2009 7:52 PM EDT


Hey Matt, hope you ride out the storm.

Ghosted by Hurricane_Rick @ 10/17/2009 7:54 PM EDT


A haiku:

I am an X-Ette
I expose my viscera
Every chance I get

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 10/17/2009 8:13 PM EDT


OH! Also. A friend of mine once made my truck’s entire side mirror disappear using only his scrotum. For a while, I was calling him BAG MONSTER. Get out of my head, X-E Matt. You don’t want MY memories.

That’s the kind of thing that goes on, when I go on vacation.

OK, Rev. out.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 10/17/2009 8:17 PM EDT


I took a nap from 5:30-7. I am so screwed. I guess I’ll be up all night. Yay SNT?

I tried to find something mildly halloweenish to watch on TV, but all I can find is the Halloweentown movies on the Disney Channel. Which…aren’t all that bad.

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 10/17/2009 9:22 PM EDT


WOOHHOOO HAPPT SNT YA’LL!!! :D Hope your havin a good un.:)
As much as I LOVE Tootsie Rolls, I don’t think I’d like that drink. Any body else still thinking about their costume ? I’ve had mine for a little over 2 weeks.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 10/17/2009 9:34 PM EDT


Whats up XE Pals? (Holla, Ultraman)

Took my daughter and her cousin to the hayride/haunted corn maze (the Maize maze?) today. She had fun, but didn’t go on rides cause she’s tiny (17 months). A good fall day. I gassed up to get to the maze, mostly broke, and then found ten bucks in the john at the maze. Woot! Free gas!

So anyhow, did some totally 80s stuff today, watched Poltergeist which was freakin awesome, made it feel totally Halloweeny, then played with my daughter and gave her a vintage 80’s stuffed Teddy Ruxpin that I (gasp!) opened from its 22 year old package.

She loved it. Now my house has all the furniture in it, and I feel like a real deal adult. I don’t have to move, I like my job and i have a kid. I can now be Craig T. Nelson in Poltergeist, except minus the pot and horrible spirit monsters.

Sorry for the long post, TC out!

Ghosted by Terror Claws @ 10/17/2009 9:37 PM EDT


Dang, psychic connection with Ultraman! I was typing my post as he did his.

What are you gonna be? I just ordered my Star Trek TOS Redshirt outfit from Wal-Mart (down to $20)!

It’s halloweeny cause the red shirt always dies. I totally made up the pants, communicator and phaser. Need to make a velcro belt to attach em to.

Ghosted by Terror Claws @ 10/17/2009 9:39 PM EDT


I’m a little bummed. I was supposed to go to the local corn maze tonight, which only does “Maze by Moonlight” twice a year. What happens? They close today due to “weather.” FYI, it hasn’t rained a drop all day. Second year in a row this has happened to me.

On a cheerier note, seeing Matt’s animatronic Jason reminded me of a incident I witnessed last week. I was at Garden World for my pumpkin and they had that Jason as a decoration. Some young kids come over and start to mess with it. One of them stands right in front of it and starts talking trash about how he wasn’t scared. Somebody presses the button and the kid is still not impressed. I start grinning because I know what’s about to happen. WHAM! Jason clocks the kid with his machete. Kid wasn’t acting so tough after that.

Ghosted by Rhino @ 10/17/2009 10:07 PM EDT


Cameron T= I almost dozed off myself at the computer. Hope I make it until after Midnight. I just saw Rambo on AMC right now. They just showed the part where Rambo shoots up Murdock’s equipment, and then stabs Murdock’s desk right near his face. “Find them, or I’ll find you.” Murdoch’s shorts probably started smelling funny right then and there. Start wearing depends Murdock. And no AVGN, Rambo didn’t turn Murdock into a frog in the movie.

Ghosted by Lonestar76 @ 10/17/2009 10:12 PM EDT


I find Matt’s “Bag Monster” to be rather impressive. Looks much better than anything I’ve ever tried to whip up with three crayon colors.

What a mess it is here! The Philadelphia area is getting attacked with the same storm that’s making hash of the entire Northeast. It’s pouring cats, dogs, and probably bears and weasels outside as I type this. Very nice and cozy fall weather. I’m very glad I didn’t have to work late tonight.

As for the post, sorry, but I don’t drink and don’t like Cheetos. The bags for the Cheetos are nifty, though.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 10/17/2009 10:15 PM EDT


Terror Claws: I’m going as a skull faced jester. The costume is two toned like the suit of the batman villain two-face. Half white, half black. I also got a scepter to go with it. It’s got a jester skull on the top with dangly skulls on chains. Looks awesome.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 10/17/2009 10:49 PM EDT


I just love the juxtaposition of the Jason statue, Bag Monster, and the leg Lamp in the background. Which Transformers toy is that, Matt? I can’t quite make it out.

Also, I’m going to Atlantic City tomorrow! Hope I don’t come back broke!

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 10/17/2009 11:08 PM EDT


Thorzul– My brother and I both pledge our allegiance to your dream of popularizing “bag monster”. Maybe you can join me in my quest to bring back “get bent”, as in “Get bent, bag monster.”

We also went to Target about two hours ago, and totally missed the color changing Cheetos. Since we had just missed a theatrical production of Willy Wonka (by thinking the time was an hour later), we were focused on candy. And on seeing Count Chocula, Boo Berry, and Frankenberry all in one place.

Ghosted by hobbitsubculture @ 10/17/2009 11:17 PM EDT


That bag monster looks scarier than our friend from Friday the 13th does in that photo. Jason just looks like he’s letting out a belch or something.

Ghosted by James @ 10/17/2009 11:29 PM EDT


this is totally unrelated to this post but i watched halloween resurection last nite and it sucked

Ghosted by Super GAMERA @ 10/17/2009 11:37 PM EDT


UM: Sweet. We’ll have to exchange pics on XE’s facebook page after Halloween. I’d love to see everyone’s H-ween costumes.

Ghosted by Terror Claws @ 10/17/2009 11:43 PM EDT


Today finally felt like fall down here in Florida. Yesterday it hit 85 degrees, but there was a marked chill in the air tonight– perfect pre-Halloween weather. My wife took our boy to the “Walking With Dinosaurs” show that Matt covered a few years back, so I got to spend a nice night with my daughter out on the town. After an evening of Pizza Hut and checking out spooky decorations and costumes, we stopped by K-mart to see if by miracle they had a remaining Freddie Krueger animated tabletop figure to go with our Jason, but as soon as we got the seasonal section, the shelf where they were supposed to be was empty. I had bought only the Jason figure back in September because I had just 25 bucks on me at the time and of course by the next visit, all the lil’ Freddies were sold out. Apparently, the manufacturer, Gemmy, only distributed them through K-mart and they are now fetching 30-80 bucks on Ebay. Well, we checked out the rest of the decorations anyway when suddenly I heard a familiar, haunting voice– my daughter had somehow found the Freddie statue mixed in with Mickey Mouses and Snoopy’s and activated it! When I got to the register to pay for our newest friend, he was even on sale for five bucks off! I have to say its been a pretty good season so far…

Ghosted by Eric M @ 10/17/2009 11:59 PM EDT


I hate this stupid nor’easter, I want it to dry up outside so I can finally stuff my hot pink pumpkin lawn bag with leaves. Although it did give me an excuse to have my first “not going outside” day in months. In a few more days I’ll have a break from school (transferring) so hopefully I can get some more fun time in on the weekends. I’d much rather be spending this evening blogging about how I found a replacement for Magic Middles than writing this stupid report on health records.

God damn, where the hell does my fiance keep his pot…

Ghosted by Mystie @ 10/18/2009 12:00 AM EDT


Just bought a pack of the crayons to hand out to trick or treaters. I also like handing out non-candy items.

Ghosted by stonetumbler @ 10/18/2009 12:21 AM EDT


Hubby and I got the living sh!t scared out of us at a haunted house tonight. Anybody in or close to Michigan has to go check out Scream Park in Niles. 3 seperate haunted houses, a haunted hayride and a really cool haunted maze. 25 bucks a pop but definetly worth it.

Ghosted by ericnrosesmom @ 10/18/2009 1:01 AM EDT


I’m drunk off cheap champagne and watching season 1 of Hey Arnold (gift from a friend- my birthday was yesterday). Also I watched It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown for the first time this year. The noise when Snoopy rises from the pumpkin patch coupled with Linus shrieking “THERE HE IS!” always cracks me up. Happy Saturday Night Terror, everyone!

Ghosted by Cheetara @ 10/18/2009 1:02 AM EDT


I think I’m gonna pop in The Nightmare Before Christmas tonight. Classic Halloween movie. After that, maybe some Zombies. Who knows.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 10/18/2009 1:20 AM EDT


Nightmare Before Christmas is awesome. The best part is you can watch it both at Halloween and Christmas. Also, if you’re into Zombies, you gotta checkout Zombieland. It’s one of the best movies I’ve seen in awhile.

Ghosted by Jimmy @ 10/18/2009 1:31 AM EDT


I love that you can make a martini take like pretty much anything! How in the world did someone decide that OJ would be the secret ingredient for making one that tastes like a tootsie roll? There are still geniuses in the world.

Ghosted by Carcinoid @ 10/18/2009 1:56 AM EDT


That Black crayon totally looks Blue on my screen.

and eeeeeeeeeeeew, those Cheetos! They look like Zombie skin or something!

Ghosted by Ryane @ 10/18/2009 2:27 AM EDT


The lifesize Jason holding the Bag Monster pic just killed me. He looks so happy, like “Lookie! Look at my SCARY THING!” LMFAO. Maybe when Christmas rolls around Jason can proudly show off some holiday crafts, don’t you think?

Here’s a random question that’s been bothering me. I have a nice prescription for a little bit of Xanax I can carry around in my purse “just in case” (lol)- dealing with anxiety has its perks. So is it “cheating” to take one before you go through a haunted house? LMAO, I’ve actually been going over this question in my head all month long. There’s a top ten rated haunted house nearby and I keep thinking this would be the perfect solution for those of us who don’t relish being startled but aren’t enjoying feeling left out of the “haunted crap” fun. If I take one of those suckers you could set a land mine off five feet from me and I probably wouldn’t react until about a minute later.

Eons ago I loved haunted houses. As a kid I’d always beg to go through them…until The One That Did Me In. Back in the days when the monsters could actually grab you and touch you I went through one that ended in a black, locked room with a weak strobe light that revealed to the trapped group of patrons that there was a dude in a Dracula costume coming at you SLOWLY from way, way far across a large warehouse room. So as you’re frantically looking for the exit, over your shoulder you see Drac moving at a snail’s pace with a menacing face he was ratcheting up by the step. Women and men alike were SPAZZING OUT. My child psyche was warped like a record hit with a blowtorch after that and I still can’t figure out why. I went through a corn maze that was 1) not haunted and 2) completely empty aside from us and 3) right next to a highway so you could hear sounds of civilization the entire time and at one point I put my head down and RAN out of the maze leaving husband in the dust. Despite not one thing being haunted about it, it was straight out of Silent Hill for me once my imagination kicked into overdrive and thoughts of that tortoise-paced Dracula came to mind. Yet ghost-hunting doesn’t scare me. I feel like I’d be more afraid of that fake Jason than the real one. WTF?

I’m having my 30th birthday party on Halloween (mandatory costumes of course…I’m a creepy Victorian zombie bride this year complete with bustles, hoop skirt, and a veil that looks like it actually was dug up from a grave) and I’m breaking the haunted house fast with this really random and cool event- http://www.brandywinecemetery.com. Maybe this will be what I need to get over the Dracula Incident.

Ghosted by a2stylee @ 10/18/2009 3:04 AM EDT


Jimmy: I’ve already checked out Zombieland. I thought it was AWESOME!!!!!!! 10 out of 10 ! I just finished Nightmare Before Christmas, nad now I’m gonna pop in Phantasm. Another great classic. After that I’ll call it a night.
Spoooooooooooooooky!

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 10/18/2009 3:23 AM EDT


Dear X-E.
I need help! I’m waxing nostalgic over some cookies from the 80s but now I can’t remember what they were called. They had chocolate and vanilla fillings (swirled, possibly separate), and a smiley face engraved into the cookie (so you could see the filling between the eyes and mouth). I’m fairly certain I saw the commercial somewhere on X-E as well but now I can’t find anything online. Please help?

Nigel S. Chaos, Esq.

Ghosted by Nigel Chaos @ 10/18/2009 7:16 AM EDT


Nigel Chaos You are talking about giggles cookies.

a2stylee If you freak out over things that trigger traumatic events, I would take it. If you don’t, then don’t. I aint no doctor I just know stuff. Haunted Houses and stuff like that are so cheap and thrown together I think you would think it would be funny more then scary. I am not bashing Haunted Houses, I am just saying what I think. I would go to one if one was nearby.

Carcinoid I sometimes wonder what was going through the first person’s mind that put peanut butter and jelly together in a sandwich. Bravo to them because it’s a great cheap snack and a part of million’s of kids lunches everyday.

Rev. I was watching a Documentary earlier and there were a married couple sitting on a couch petting a wiener dog throughout the interview. It made me almost want to get one because of the randomness of it all. And your comment up there made me laugh, like always.

ULTRAMAN I love how positive you are and I hope you are like that IRL. I wish whatever the heck makes you that way could be concentrated in pill form. I would take it for sure. Happiness is contagious. And I watched the Nightmare before Christmas about 3 weeks ago I love that movie.

Terror Claws I am glad you are going as a red shirt for Halloween that is cool. Are you painting yourself in zombie makeup or just wearing the outfit?

Matt The Cheetos picture was repulsive but acceptable. I love that Jason made another appearance. I reread the Mcboo pail article again earlier because I was talking to my gf earlier about McBoo pails because Jack in the Box has pails you can get now. They are white with a mural like one of the later McDonalds pails. I don’t know why I mention Jack In the Box so much to her to her knowledge she doesn’t have one where she lives. I love their pumpkin pie milkshakes now. And they have Egg Nog out now at Walmart. Bleh. I was supposed to go to the store earlier but I never got up the energy, and then when I was about to go I watched that documentary. Oh well I am getting better I think.

Ghosted by Goob @ 10/18/2009 7:43 AM EDT


Goob – Thank you! that’s why I couldn’t find them.. I was looking for any variation of smile/smiley/smile-o cookies. hah!

Ghosted by Nigel Chaos @ 10/18/2009 7:45 AM EDT


I can’t fathom Tootsie Roll Martini…sounds horrible! That last picture of Jason is my favorite thing today! L8TR!

Ghosted by Gregor @ 10/18/2009 7:53 AM EDT


I haven’t seen those color change Cheetoes yet but I’ll be on the lookout. I love to try different types of Cheetoes as they come out. I’m still missing the Flamin’ Hot BBQ flavor that was put out last year around this time, I bought a few bags every time I came to Big Lots.

As for the whole storm thing, in Maine the local weather people are threatening snow, but for the last few years we haven’t got snow until mid-December or January. We’re getting rainy winters due to ~*global warming*~ and no one can seem to accept that Maine hasn’t had an “Epic Storm” since the Ice Storm of ‘98. Heck, lately there have been winters where for a short time in December/January we’ll have snow and then mid-January we’ll suddenly have 65 degree weather out of nowhere that melts all the snow.

Ghosted by Palmerholic @ 10/18/2009 8:12 AM EDT


I just found this flash website where you can carve your own pumpkin, thought you guys might like it..

http://www.cubpack81.com/images/carve_pumpkin.swf

Ghosted by Gralf @ 10/18/2009 8:44 AM EDT


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