Blood Bag: The Candy!

Ah, finally got a nice little batch of Spooky Die-O-Rama entries stockpiled. Some really good ones in there! As a reminder, you have until Saturday night to get your finished entries in. (Well, a picture of your finished entry. Or a link to a picture of your finished entry. You know what I’m saying.) It’s still anyone’s ball game, so why miss out on your chance to win this lovely item? Get with it. Find a shoebox. Thank you.

Gotta say, it’s been a pretty good Halloween season so far. And by this I mean, it hasn’t even felt Halloweeny yet, so I haven’t had a chance to make the usual mistake of blowing my spooky wad in September. I’ve been researching local and semi-local haunts for random weekend trips, and even if none of them come to fruition, it sure is fun trudging through ten-year-old Flash splash pages to read about all of the pumpkin patches, hayrides and haunted houses that I may or may not see. If nothing else, such sites make for wonderful depositories of shitty Halloween clipart from 1996.

In the end, the Halloween season is mainly enjoyed during the four weekends of October. That’s four chances to make the most of it. Do you have anything planned? Discuss in the comments.

I have to finish some real work before I can properly rededicate myself to fake work, so while I wrap things up, here’s a quickie about a disturbing and life-altering Halloween candy:

It’s the amazing Blood Bag, filled with “liquid cherry candy!” Yes! Over the past few years, I’ve been overjoyed to see blood bags evolve into a common sight during the Halloween season, but usually, they’re just for decorative purposes. Not this one! This is a blood bag with edible blood!

The production value is pretty high. The bag is large and made of quality plastic, complete with the requisite “novelty blood type” label. They spared no expense to make the candy inside really look like blood, too. The stuff is deep and viscous, arriving in just the right shade of burgundy to make you think twice before eating it. Pfft, like anyone could resist.

Snip the tip and suck it down, but be warned, this cherry blood stuff is STRONG. Envision the concentrated syrup used to create a cherry Slush Puppie — that’s exactly what this is. Concentrated cherry-flavored liquid sugar, and there’s enough to it to probably kill the poor soul who cannot resist the temptation to finish his or her blood bag in one sitting.

The Blood Bags aren’t new. A quick search of the site confirms that many of you were speaking highly of them last year. And actually, I’ve received at least 3 or 4 e-mails about ‘em this year. They’ve acquired a pretty serious following, all things considered, and it’s easy to see why. Wait, no it isn’t. I need something else to put after that comma. Something safe.

“They’ve acquired a pretty serious following, all things considered, and I’m happy to count myself among the Blood Bag’s many acolytes.” There, that works. Writing stuff is hard.

The uninitiated may be turned off by the 2.29 price tag, but they really shouldn’t be. Firstly, 2.29 is an awesome price. There is nothing else on this planet with a retail price of exactly 2.29. Secondly, this isn’t a one-off candy. There’s enough edible blood in the bag to last you for a few weeks, assuming that you aren’t some kind of pig addict who refuses to conserve.

Thumbs up from me!

PS: “Thumbs up” makes for an interesting Google Image Search.

110 thoughts on “Blood Bag: The Candy!

  1. dedalusdedalus

    I saw this at my local Walgreens a couple of weeks ago and thought “GODDAMN, 2.29 IS A LOTTA MONEY TO BLOW ON RED HIGH FRUTCOSE CORN SYRUP.”

    I’ve retracted that thought after reading your review. Gonna get me some next time I’m at Walgreens.

  2. Palmerholic

    I wouldn’t be surprised if all the Twilight and True Blood fangirls are buying these this year. It seems par for the course.

  3. tanta07

    Granted, the running zombies in the Dawn of the Dead remake were kind of neat, because it made them that much more dangerous, but still, the whole idea of a zombie is that it is a re-animated corpse. How’s a rotten corpse with rigor mortis and decomposed knees going to sprint faster than Usain Bolt? It makes no damn sense. Give me shamblin’, stumblin’ zombies any day.

  4. Mike83

    I love it. I have avoided buying any until now. So I must go forth and feast on the waaay to cherry sugary flavor…

  5. dedalusdedalus

    My local Walgreens just ran out of these, they must have had about 20 packages before this article ran.

    There are only two explanations: (a) Matt’s article created a run in the candy blood market; (b) some lameass parent asked Walgreens to pull the blood candy from their shelves.

    I sure hope it’s (a).

  6. Cutie Kitsune

    I bought something similar from the Dollarama a few days ago. I thought it would be cherry, but it turned out to be strawberry. It’s tasty when squeezed out onto ice cream, but I’ve hung it beside me and I’m sucking from it. It even has a little clamp to stop the flow of delisiousness. Worth every penny of the 1.50 I paid.

  7. Vampir

    I found a much less convincing version of the candy blood-bags at wall-mart the other day, labeled as “party punch mix” on the packaging or something like that. Perhaps that’s why they’re so concentrated?

    The label on the blood bag itself says “bloody mary mix”, which I’m assuming is just there for laughs. Spicy tomato is probably not very high on anyone’s list of favorite liquid candy flavors.

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