Ah ha! Proof positive! Who could deny that the Halloween season is officially on when we now have the chance to eat it for breakfast? Mr. Crunch, you are a holy signal!
Cap’n Crunch’s “Halloween Crunch” is back! This tricky cereal has eluded me for several years, so while I can’t claim that it’s any different than the Halloween Crunch sold last year or even the year before that, I can claim that perfection had already been achieved and that there was no reason to frick with the formula.
The box is terrific and spooky, featuring Cap’n Crunch dressed as some kind of pirate/mummy hybrid who, through means we could never understand, has gained the power to shoot hadoukens. A benevolent mutant, Mummy Crunch uses this power not for assault, but rather to imbue dry bowls of cereal with warm and magical milk. His fingers have become obtuse udders, and you barely have a chance to process it before getting smacked in the head with the best block of on-box text in the history of words: “GHOSTS TURN MILK GREEN!”
You see, in Halloween Crunch, you not only receive the standard corn ‘n oat throatbusters, but a special assortment of reddish, ghost-shaped pieces with an action feature. When milk is added, these ghosts piss out a light green dye, which not only makes the ghosts look like melting Gremlins, but also tints your once-white cow juice a rich, creamy green. Appetizing? No. Halloweeny? Absolutely.
I was hoping for a stronger green, but even the subdued hue of the milk is enough to mark this cereal bowl as something special. The green is created by bits of dried, flavorless food dye hidden within the ghost pieces, so even if it looks disgusting, it still tastes normal enough. (At least, I’m assuming it does. I can’t eat cereal with milk. Green or not, milk in its pure form is my most storied enemy.)
While Cap’n Crunch would have us believe that his magic udder fingers have brought forth a new technology, he’s a big liar. This same exact effect was employed in 2005’s Holiday Cheetos, thereby confirming that the chief trait shared between Christmas and Halloween is that it’s on-target to make random foods turn green.
And wow, now that I think back — this isn’t even new for Cap’n Crunch! As far back as 2004, Cap’n Crunch was still peddling this color-changing cereal shtick. I’d tell him to get a new act, but as I just linked to proof that I’ve been writing about Cap’n Crunch for at least five years…pot kettle black.
The back of the box is jampacked with games and puzzles. There are six distinct activities on the boxback, including a word search, a crossword puzzle, “can you find” games and more. Between all of the stuff on the box and the added bonus of watching your milk slowly turn from stark white to radioactive green, Halloween Crunch has got to be one of the most visually stimulating breakfasts of all time.
Happy SNT. Any stupid horror movies on in the late hours? I think tonight’s thread needs a theme.
And don’t forget to work on your Die-O-Ramas today — there’s only a week left in the contest. Nag, nag, nag.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
I might have to take issue with your claim of finding THE cutest reusable shopping bags, because I got an adorable Skelanimals one at Target. It folds up into a nifty little convenient package, much like another Target bag I have.
On the subject of bad horror movies: MST3K. Nothing more needs to be said.
And for those who want more ass-kicking cereal mascots, here’s Breakfast of the Gods.