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George’s New Digs.

X-E is the ultimate nostalgia website. Anyway, here's more stuff about my pet crab.

It cost 85 bucks to provide George with an adequate home, and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. (Though I do admit to buying more decorations than were feasible to fit in his tank, so let's be fair and say 70 bucks. It's still an awful lot of money to spend on such a tiny crab.)

It all went down yesterday night. I was a man obsessed. While at work, I actually sketched out what I wanted the tank to look like, and because I know that sounds made-up, I snapped a pic of the sketch with my phone's shitty camera. It sounds mundane, but it was actually mindblowing action.

We shopped at the same Petland where George was purchased, and the staff kept trying to tell me that the tank he came with was totally fine. Part of me wondered why they were trying to talk us out of spending more money, but it was pretty clear that George needed more than a dinner plate covered in rocks and water to enjoy life. Really, if giant aliens from a distant galaxy scooped me up and kept me in a tank, I'd hope for more than rocks and water.

Researching moon crab habitats is frustrating. Google didn't give me a lot of options, and every new site I came across seemed to contradict the previous. Caring for a moon crab can't be that subjective, can it? I'm sure there's a correct way to go about it, but there's no way to tell which "experts" are on the up and up, and which "experts" are just lameass griefers who get strangers to kill their pet crabs for kicks.

I decided on a middle ground, and built George's home to a hodgepodge of specifications set forth by at least a dozen online strangers who so generously took the time to write random guides on keeping crabs happy.

First up, the floor layer isn't actually sand, but rather a very fine gravel made to look like it. Real sand would've been a better choice, but Petland had none for sale. (I love George, but I'm not going to two stores for him.) Near the back of the tank is George's coconut hut, where he's free to map out his wayward crab schemes in total privacy.

Water is important, even for land crabs. Aside from keeping the sand moist and chewy, I've also provided George with a pool. The pool isn't filled with regular water, but rather with Petland's special "hermit crab water." George isn't a hermit crab, but I must assume that hermit crab water is better for him than people water. PS, if you think shit like Dasani is expensive, get a load of hermit crab water: $5 for an eight ounce bottle.

There's also a little bit of fencing held up by suction cups, so George can give into his primal instincts and climb around. He may be disappointed to learn that the fence doesn't actually lead anywhere, but truth be told, this probably isn't an issue...because George does not move at all. He is a stationary crab.

I have to admit, I'm a little concerned. George hasn't really moved since we got him. I mean, he has, but only when I've made it impossible for him not to do so. He hasn't eaten, either. And it can't be that I'm not feeding him the right foods, because I've tried feeding him every possible type of food, except maybe grapes.

When I can encourage George to move, he does it well enough. His legs are in working order. (Except for the one that's missing, which we just noticed tonight.) George has spent the past 48 hours doing about as much as a dead crab would do, and I'm guessing that this isn't optimum.

Some of the sites on moon crabs claim that they're "very active," and yeah, there are even several YouTube videos that seem to purport this claim. Maybe he just needs more time to adjust?

Then again, it's possible that this is just how George is. He seems relatively healthy, except for the missing leg. Maybe he's just a laid back, take-it-as-it-comes kind of crab? Bleh, this is obviously my punishment for naming him after the most passive character in Gremlins 2.

MI CRO WAF

Enjoy your new Craborama, George. Please do tricks for me tomorrow?

Posted by Matt on 06/11/2009. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 183 comments

DJD:I can relate to your feelings on moving. I’ve always ABSOLUTELY HATED IT !!! Even if the weather was nice, and I was feelin good! I don’t even want to think about doing it in blazing heat AND suffering from a fever at the same time. Hang in there.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 06/12/2009 6:58 PM


trajeal Seriously that post made me itch all over

Chestnuts roasted by Charlie LXXVI @ 06/12/2009 6:58 PM


trajeal: No, no achy joints or anything like that. So far it’s your garden variety cold, possibly a fever. I haven’t checked my temperature yet, but it feels up there, and I’ve had a lot of cold sweats. I got this cough that won’t stop, and today everything moved up to my nose so I’m a walking snot factory now. Just a general ache from head to toe, really. I’ll be glad when it’s all over. I very rarely get sick at all, maybe once every couple of years, and when I do it’s this terrible fever thing that lasts 2 weeks and knocks me off my feet. I’ll keep my eye out for ticks and rashes, but for now I think it’s just a cold. Thanks for the concern and the well wishes though.

ULTRAMAN: Yeah, I feel the same way. At least I’m getting a free lunch out of the whole thing. He’s already moved all the smaller stuff-the stuff that can be packed into boxes. He just needs my help with the bigger furniture and everything. We hope to have it all done within 3 hours or so. It’s supposed to rain later tomorrow afternoon so we’re trying to start pretty early in the morning. Oh, and I’m also getting a new desk, dresser, and end table out of the deal. (Well, not new–but it’s free, so it’s new to me)

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 06/12/2009 7:05 PM


George seems to be staring intently at that yellow thing. Perhaps he’s planning on climbing it for a possible TANK BREAK!

Chestnuts roasted by KING JLA @ 06/12/2009 7:07 PM


George almost looks like the puffy crab sticker that’s on the banner up top–the one that’s giving Gizmo the eye.

Maybe Matt can give him a Mogwai to keep him company in the aquarium…Well, maybe not. There’s water in there.

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 06/12/2009 7:16 PM


Hope you get better soon, Deej.

Chestnuts roasted by Annette @ 06/12/2009 7:19 PM


I wish George all the best. Matt, you did a good job on the crabitat.

Hope you feel better, DJ D.

trajeal, the wife took pics of Delilah, but I haven’t uploaded them yet. In the meantime, click on my name and check out my other kitty babies in my myspace pictures. Feel free to send me a friend request if you’re on the myspace. Also, I hope Candy will be okay. I will send up a prayer for her. Oh, and your guinea pig is cute. I want to get one, put it in one of those balls, and let the cats play. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 06/12/2009 7:30 PM


I’ve been reading X-E since ’02, and I’m only now posting my first comment. I’ve always been the fan who would stop by from time to time, read an article or two until tears rolled down my cheeks in laughter, then move on.

I was really upset that X-E seemed to being falling to the wayside a bit in the past few months. So, I decided I would start posting, be active in the threads, and visit the site more often. After all, I feel like I owe X-E (more specifically, Matt) that much for providing me with years of free entertainment.

Wow, as I think about it, when I started reading X-E, I was in college living the carefree life of nothing but partying, debauchery, and video games. Now, I’m a government analyst with a mortgage, car payment, and a son!

At any rate, I just wanted to formally say ‘Hi’ to the X-E community. Oh, and congratulations on the crab, Matt.

P.S – Whenever you hear people complain about the government wasting tax payers’ money, just picture me spending 20 minutes in my cubicle at work laughing at the “High Tech Jumping Spider Toy” video. It’s Matt’s fault, really. They way I figure it, between the 20 minute bout of not-suppressed-enough laugher, and subsequent link forwarding to my friends, Matt has singlehandedly cost the tax payers at least $100.00. It wasn’t my most productive hour.

Chestnuts roasted by Knox @ 06/12/2009 7:45 PM


I have my fingers crossed that George makes it!!! I also wanted you to know that I STILL have one of my Wacky Wall Walkers and it’s in pristine condition. The boy didn’t believe me, so I pulled it out and threw it at the wall. It didn’t really want to walk and I had to catch it before it fell on the kitchen floor. He’s back in his little baggy in a drawer.

Chestnuts roasted by Dana @ 06/12/2009 8:05 PM


Should I go out and buy a Halloween crab?

Please someone tell me yes…

Chestnuts roasted by Razzy the Cat @ 06/12/2009 9:19 PM


Knox- Welcome to the comment threads! And when I want to think governmental waste, I’ll just turn to good ol’ Joseph Heller.

kingklash- Why not just get a tank full of tiny Klingons? They’re more interactive and easily pissed off!

Chestnuts roasted by PlantMonster @ 06/12/2009 9:21 PM


OH! I just thought I’d mention that today is my 11th day without a cigarette! Not that they’re bad or nothing, I just had trouble running up stairs. But I’m not putting smokers down or anything, I just like to share in this place and quitting these fuckers are HARD.
Sorry for the double post.
Your friend, Razzy the Cat! :)

Chestnuts roasted by Razzy the Cat @ 06/12/2009 9:25 PM


I… I love you Matt

Chestnuts roasted by CCP @ 06/12/2009 10:11 PM


Here’s hoping George will be okay!

Chestnuts roasted by RageTreb @ 06/12/2009 10:32 PM


Razzy- For the record, I’ve never seen a cat smoke. I’ve seen them do lines, yes, but never smoke.

Chestnuts roasted by PlantMonster @ 06/12/2009 10:32 PM


I do lines with my cats. I also sniff hermit crabs. Let’s all do a shot of hermit crab water for George.

Chestnuts roasted by Yoda Van Helsing @ 06/12/2009 11:32 PM


Where are you people when I need you most!

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 06/12/2009 11:43 PM


I had some hermit crabs for quite a while (like the longest lived one was 3 years), if moon crabs are anything like them, they might need a certain humidity level to survive because of their gills. I can’t tell if George’s tank has a solid top, but if it’s mesh all the moisture will get out. Plastic wrap will keep the humidity higher, but you don’t want it too high or the tank gets moldy and air can’t circulate. It’s kinda tricky.

Also I used dechlorinator on regular tap water, it’s like 4 bucks for a bottle and it lasts for months. It’s a lot cheaper than those special water bottles.

Chestnuts roasted by DarthPez @ 06/13/2009 12:05 AM


I heart Conan O’Brien and I am so so happy he is hosting the Tonight Show – he deserved the job. However, I feel like he is less…I dunno. Special? Cult? Can’t quite express the difference yet.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 06/13/2009 12:32 AM


long time reader, first time poster. Glad to see you’re posting again, got worried I’d have to hurt you.

we just fell for the same con, bought the nieces and nephews hermit crabs for Easter and 60 bucks later, we had special sand, water, sponge and a tank. still don’t get the sand considering they live in wild sand, but didn’t want to look bad.

Chestnuts roasted by mark @ 06/13/2009 12:45 AM


Muppet baby
Conan has been “toned down” a little for the masses (read: older demographic), but he’s still zanier than Jay ever was.

The Paris Hilton bit tonight was very VERY awkward, though. No Laughs at all. Maybe that was the point, though.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 06/13/2009 1:14 AM


Teddy Ray, you’re kitties are so cute! I love Millie – what a beautiful girl. How long did you have her? I love how your MySpace name is X-E Teddy Ray, too. :) I noticed the picture from Father’s Day ’08 where you mentioned a dramatic weight loss and a near death experience. Can I be nosy and ask you, what happened? Thank you for the kitty prayers for Candy.I actually got the call just before dinner, telling me I could come get her. Her fever finally dropped enough for them to take the IV out, but now she’s on antibiotics. She still seems so lethargic and sad. I can’t wait for her to get better. BTW – never put your Guinea pig in a ball! The forced curvature of their spines makes back-breaking extremely common. Should the ball get kicked or tossed around, the jolt could snap their little vertebraes like twigs. They aren’t supposed to go in wheels, either, although it seems like the damage wouldn’t be nearly as common, since there would be no one big enough inside the cage to knock them around too badly.

What would happen if a vampire bit someone w/ AIDS? Would he become like a mosquito and pass the disease on to his next victim? Or someone all rocked out on heroin? Would he get high?

DJ D, it does sound like a regular, ol’ cold, thank goodness. Again, I’m sorry for freaking out on you like that. I’d rather be embarrassed then feel like an asshole if I had never said anything, and it was from a tick bite.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/13/2009 1:20 AM


http://stoppuppymills.org/petland.html

I beg you all to visit this site- and if you have not already done research on puppy mills- I urge you to educate yourself about them- and learn about the steps we need to take to end this hell on Earth for thousands upon thousands of dogs.

Chestnuts roasted by WayOutWest @ 06/13/2009 2:02 AM


My mom got a boston terrier puppy from Petland about 5 years ago and found out a couple days later he had kennel cough. He wound up being ok though and is now fine :)

Chestnuts roasted by ericnrosesmom @ 06/13/2009 2:31 AM


“Just what I always wanted. My own little pet crab. I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him…”

Chestnuts roasted by Cleavy @ 06/13/2009 4:54 AM


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